Make your reading better Make your reading better by improving your writing.by improving your writing.Make your reading better Make your reading better by improving your writing.by improving your writing.

Learning Intentions

• Begin to learn about how to use sentence structure in your own writing (not just punctuation!)

• Look at how writer’s use these techniques to create a particular effect.

Sentence Structure

Little variety in sentence structures

Skilful control in the construction of varied sentence forms

Sentence StructureWhat is sentence structure?For today we will focus on...1.Word Order2.Sentence Length3.Punctuation

Word OrderThis is when the conventional order

of a sentence (Subject + Verb + Object) is manipulated to produce a specific effect. E.G.

The boy ran to kick the ball, which landed with a thump.

BECOMESThe ball landed with a thump, after

the boy kicked it.

Varying your sentence starters...

• I walked through the dark alley and suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder.

• Suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder as I walked down the dark alley.

• I was breathing deeply as I crept through the deep, dark wood.

• Breathing deeply, I crept through the deep, dark wood.

• I was trapped and could not see a way out.• Trapped! I could see no way out.

Vary your sentence starters

• He walked to the door. He opened it and looked inside. He saw a large…..

On your white boards, change the starters of these sentence.

Think about what will create the best effect...

Sentence Lengths• Short and long • Short sentences are used to give

one simple fact – usually for a SNAPPY effect. (It can be 1 sentence long!)

• Long sentences give a lot of detail, usually to expand/explain a point.

Considering your sentence lengths, write 5 sentences about

this photograph. (Be creative)

Two ParagraphsRead the paragraphs below. Choose the

paragraph that is more effective.I love living in the city. I have a wonderful view of the entire city. I have an apartment. I can see the Golden Gate Bridge. I can see many cargo ships pass under the bridge each day. I like the restaurants in San Francisco. I can find wonderful food from just about every country. I don’t like the traffic in the city.

I love living in the city of San Francisco. I have a wonderful view of the entire city from my apartment window. In addition, I can see the Golden Gate Bridge under which many cargo ships pass each day. I also like San Francisco because I can find wonderful restaurants with food from just about every country; however, I don’t like the traffic in the city.

Putting it to the test.Analysing how writers might use

these techniques to create specific effects.

The following questions are from close reading papers where the writer has used some of these effects.

How does the sentence structure emphasise the man’s care in opening the

envelope?

Gingerly, he tried to open the envelope but it was stuck fast and the flap ripped jaggedly.

How does the writer emphasise that the woman had bought ‘few things’

through the use of sentence structure?

The transaction seemed to fluster her, as if she might not have enough money to pay for the few things she’d bought. A tin of lentil soup. An individual chicken pie. One solitary tomato. Maybe she did need the avocados – or something else.

What two features of sentence structure does the writer use to convey the sound

Asya hears? What effect does this create?

Asya slopped through the slush, thinking of Spring. By the time she reached the middle of the river, the mist had enveloped her. The boathouse behind her was gone, and the long, smudged line of her water-filled steps trailed away into nothingness. The pencil line of the opposite shore had disappeared. She stood still and listened. A faint sound. A scythe being drawn against a sharpening-stone. A blade being honed on something hard. She turned around, sucking her mitten, trying to figure out which direction the sound was coming from. Blades scything, blades hissing, coming closer. Where had she heard that sound before? Then she knew. It was a skater, out there in the mist, coming towards

her. No one she knew.

TOMORROW

PRACTISING PUNCTUATION

Punctuation • This is the stuff structure is made

of! Things we are probably happy

with...• Full stops• Commas• Speech marks• Exclamation marks• Question marks

•The semicolon was first used in the 15th century to indicate a pause. It is now a sign of sophistication in writing.

Punctuation What is it called?

What does it do?

word.

word,

!

?

“ ”

word’

:

word…

( )

Punctuation saves lives• The manager opens his dictionary

and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

Punctuation makes noises

• ! = Stamp your feet • ? = Huh?• . = Clap your hands• word, = Deep breath• word’ = Blow a raspberry• “ ” = Click your fingers

What is Melanie Reid’s attitude towards Bonfire night?

• Can there be anything more truly, deeply wasteful than burning several thousand pounds in five minutes?

Use of Language

Limited vocabulary

Extensive vocabulary

Don’t even bother using!

• Walked/walk-• Said-• Nice/good-• Bad-

• Never start sentences with so/and/then- in fact- try not to use them mid sentence if you can!

Try• He was unhappy.• Carefully, he wiped away a glistening tear as he

watched her turn away and move purposely towards the door.

• He was nice• She was a kind person

• He was happy• The wind blew hard

• She sat in a tree waiting for her friend• He walked to school

• The dog barked• It was sunny• He was angry

Describe each of these images using powerful adjectives and the

techniques we have learnt today

Techniques

SENSESSightSoundSmellTouchTaste

CHOICE OF WORDSAdjectives

OnomatopoeiaAlliterationAssonancesibilance

DEVICESMetaphor

JuxtapositionSimile

Pathetic fallacyPersonification

Poetic Techniques• Simile- When you compare one thing to something else

using the words ‘as’ or ‘like’.• Alliteration- When the first letter of the words are the

same.• Personification- When make something which isn’t

human sound human.• Onomatopoeia- A word which sounds like the noise it

makes.• Sibilance- Words characterized by, or producing a

hissing sound like that of (s) or (sh) • Assonance- Resemblance of sound, especially of the

vowel sounds in words • Metaphor- A comparison between essentially unlike

things without an explicitly comparative word such as like or as.

Come up with one simile, one metaphor and one personification for

each image

Paragraphs

Broadly appropriate paragraphing

Skilfully sustained paragraphing

So, when do you start a new one?

Person

Place

Topic

Time

Tiptop

Senses and tense• Describe - as appropriate to the scene -

what you saw, heard, tasted, smelt and felt - that is, use 'sensory description';

• notice 'saw', 'heard': be safe and stick to writing about a past time! – present tense writing can be exciting to read but

it's far too easy to forget the time frame of the present and flip back into the past - which is confusing for your reader and loses many marks.

– Unless you are a very sure writer - avoid writing about 'now' - choose to write about 'then'

Describe this scene

relying ONLY on

your senses

Could you do it?

• 1) Pathetic fallacy is when you use the weather to reflect what is happening in the scene.

• 2) Juxtaposition is two random objects/ideas/perspectives moving in parallel, a technique intended to stimulate creativity

• 3) Satire is to hold up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn. Also can be to use wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice.

Pathetic fallacy• Pathetic Fallacy is very similar to

personification. However, it can also be used when the weather reflects what is going on in the scene. Eg.

• If the weather is hot, sunny and there are people everywhere- it usually represents a ‘happy’ story.

• If the weather is dark, cold and stormy- you can usually guess that something bad is going to happen.

Objective: Can I write in different styles?What are the effects of different writing

styles?

• Shattered! Can barely move myself anymore. The slow process of age, chasing me my whole life, is finally to have it’s day of victory.

• All around, ever silent, ever invisible, ever lasting. The source of all life yet never appreciated as the world moves by as always. Yet when I am present, they can see, they can feel and they cannot run.

• Yeah! This lot are well boring- seriously! Don’t care less bout this rubbish- I wanna run!

Example• The window smashed, sending glass flying in all

directions. Flames burst into the room. I ducked, keeping my body as low as I could, trying desperately to avoid the smoke that was advancing rapidly across the ceiling. I scanned the room for other exits and was relieved to see a small window on the far wall. The smoke was getting thicker and started slowly descending to the floor. My mind shouted, ‘Move!’. Taking a deep breath of clean air, possibly my last, I pushed away from the wall to safety. As I struggled to open the window, I felt my heart pounding. My lungs screamed for air. The smoke descended and I worked blind, my eyes stinging. I pulled franticly at the catches, felt them give and tumbled out onto the ground below. I felt the heat escaping from the open window above and started to crawl slowly away.

Structure

Organisation of the material is simple

Sophisticated control of the text structure