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ImprovingStudents’ Writing in
English
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Countdown 2015!
What do we want to know,understand and be able to do… Develop a better understanding of literacy issues in the
later years
Reflect and be able to respond to these from a KLAperspective
Know more about language and structural features ofwritten text
Develop and apply a strategic approach to improvingstudents' writing
Apply the concept of quality feedback (‘feed forward’)
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Taking on the challengeIm
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1. New views of literacy – Literacy in your subjectarea
2. What already works?3. What does the data say about your context?4. What does explicit, systematic teaching of extended
writing look like in the later years?5. What understandings of extended writing can
explicitly inform your own writing?
N.B. This is originally an eight hour course thatincluded time spent on a follow up activity
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Thecurriculumin thesenioryears isverycrowded
I already do alot of literacystuff. I usevocab lists andscaffolds in myclasses
My job is toteach thecontent in mysubject. Theliteracy willlook afteritself
It’s a juniorschool issue.NAPLANwastes enoughof our time as itis.
Your responses…
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‘This document focuses on teasing out what quality literacy teachingmeans and what it might look like in the classroom’ (page 14)
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Re-thinking LiteracyIm
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Peter Freebody, Literacy Acrossthe Curriculum
See also Jennifer Watson, ‘Engagement and Autonomy…’ in English inAustralia, Volume 48, Issue 1 (2013) p. 23
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“Too often literacy difficulties aresystematically mistaken for a lack ofacademic or conceptual aptitude or a lack ofrequisite knowledge or effort” - Freebody
‘specialised knowledge, and the knowledgethat there is specialised knowledge, isentirely dependent on specialised textualforms – textual knowledge and disciplineknowledge are co-requisites.’
-Freebody, Literacy Engage and EnableForum, May 2012
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Source: Focus on reading 3-6
ExpertiseIm
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Who demonstrates the expert knowledge they need tounderstand and debate these questions?
•Arab/ Israel question?•Causes of the GFC?•Obesity in the Australian context?•Climate change?•Why reserving a poker machine is a waste of time?•Why modern art is more than just paint thrown at a wall?•The place of technology in the contemporary workplace?•Strategies that work when dealing with addictions?
Students with final year schooling in subject disciplinesdemonstrate high levels of Information Literacy.Source: Aharon Aviram (Ben-Gurion University, Israel), referenced by Peter Freebody
Extended Writing – Whatworks?
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Carnegie Corporation – Writing NEXT.Eleven strategies that work
• Which of these strategies have youheard of?
• Which have you tried?• Which ones do you regularly use?
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Experiences of secondary teachers with literacy have ledto a narrowing of understanding of what it is thatconstitutes literacy. Comprehension and later yearsliteracy are key areas for development.
Research evidence tells us that low literacy levels areclosely linked with poor student performance overall,whether measured in public tests (NAPLAN), major exams(HSC), all assessment results 7-12.
At school, attendance and behaviour issues, arise mostfrom students with poor literacy. Boys, indigenousstudents, and children of low SES, in particular, suffermost.
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Beyond school, data also exposes connections with a varietyof serious social problems (delinquency, crime,unemployment, dropping out of school, disengagement andanti-social behaviours).
Data indicates that a significant number of schools withinthe region need to specifically target negative value addedHSC results; literacy based approaches are one mechanismto specifically address this need.
A key message which is difficult to argue is that higher levelsof literacy will empower students and equip them for successat school and for life.
Hunter Region SMART data – Writing Yr 9
14
Hunter Region SMART data – Reading Yr 9
15
16
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KLA First ideas
• Have a look at the first draftparagraphs in your handout
• What advice would you give tothese particular students?
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KLA First ideas
• Jasper Morello is in many ways an old-fashionedadventure story. It combines very 19th centuryelements, like sailing ships and clockwork, withmore fantastical ones like flying ships. Theadventure story gets us involved with the Jasper’sjourney and his discoveries. One feature of thefilm is the constant close-ups of Jasper’s compass.This acts as a metaphor for Jasper’s search fordirection in his life. He is haunted by past mistakesbut is driven by love in his quest.
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KLA Discussion
• Is the difference between thebetter paragraphs and the lesscapable ones a matter ofknowledge or literacy?
• How can we explicitly andsystematically improve students’writing?
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HSC The Disney Conundrum
Question 3 (15 marks)
‘Only by seeking to discover the nature of things canwe come to understand the world.’
To what extent has your study of Discoveryconfirmed this view? In your answer, refer to yourown writing, your prescribed text and ONE relatedtext of your own choosing.
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I agree that only by seeking to discover the nature of things can wecome to understand the world. Some texts that deal with these ideasare “The Tempest” by William Shakespeare, “Touching the Void” byKevin McDonald and “The Lion King” by Roger Allers. In all these textsdiscovering the nature of things is important.
In “The Lion King”, Scar uses the hyenas to cause a stampede throughthe canyon where Mufasa and Simba are, and makes sure Mufasa fallsto his death. Simba flees the Pride Lands meaning never to returnhome. While he discovers friendship with Timon and Pummba, herediscovers himself. Eventually he comes back to the decimated PrideRock:
Timon: We're gonna fight your uncle... for this?Simba: Yes, Timon. This is my home.Timon: Whoa. Talk about your fixer-upper.
Timon uses colloquial language and humour here to make the moviemore enjoyable. The movie is making the point that we all need torediscover the things that are around us if we want to preserve them.
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The HSC – a metaphor
As your final performance after 13 years of schooling youare being asked to play a Beethoven piano concerto on aninstrument you have built yourself!
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(Pianosaurus)
Some people need to build a better instrument
Some people need to play something better than ‘chopsticks’
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A better instrument played well
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Improving extendedwriting in the later
years – a model
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Modelledteaching
Guidedteaching
Independentteaching
The teacher usesthis teachingstrategy whenstudents need tolearn new literacyskills andconcepts.
The teacher uses thisteaching strategywhen students needguided support topractise and applynew literacy skills andconcepts.
The teacher usesthisteaching strategywhen studentsneed minimalsupport to applyand demonstratenew literacy skillsand concepts.
The teacherassumes majorresponsibility for theinteractions thattake place betweenthe teacher andstudents.
The teacher structuresinteractions in a waythat allows students toassume moreresponsibility anddemonstrate morecontrol over what theyare learning.
The teacherstructuresinteractions in a waythat allows studentsto assume a greaterdegree of theresponsibility.
Source: Introduction to Quality Literacy Teaching
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Building Writing Competency
Colloquial Authoritative
conversational
personal
everyday
lessarticulate
Commonsense
Congruentunelaborated
expert
objective
specialised
morearticulate
Uncommonsense
Incongruentelaborated
Practical Grammar –whyshould we include it in ourKLA?
‘Grammar has been stereotyped astedious, unteachable and remedial…Grammar, however, is sometimessuccessfully taught, has symmetriesand mysteries… and is an introspectiveand metacognitive way of thinkingabout our own ideas.’
- Michael Clay, in The Journal of Secondary Gifted Education
Practical Grammar –what dowe need to know for the lateryears?
Good question! The short answer is:
• Text structures – think scaffolds• Logical structures - (given/ new is a simple example)• Sentences – Complex ideas need complex sentences• Specific sentence patterns – e.g.the non-finite clause• Complex noun and verb groups• Cohesion – hanging the writing together• Nominalisation – turning verbs into nouns• Modality – the sense of certainty• Active and passive voice – who’s doing what to whom?
Today we’ll look at these, but in the context of ‘feedforward’ strategies to students)
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Improvedstudentwriting
Build‘uncommon
sense’language
Build textstructures
Elaborate
Buildsentences
Cohesion– logical,sustained
Drivetowards
conceptualthinking
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Improvedstudentwriting
Build‘uncommon-
sense’language
Build textstructures
Elaborate
Buildsentences
Cohesion– logical,sustained
Drivetowards
conceptualthinking
Jasper Morello is in many ways an old-fashionedadventure story. It combines very 19th centuryelements, like sailing ships and clockwork, with morefantastical ones like flying ships. The adventure storygets us involved with the Jasper’s journey and hisdiscoveries. One feature of the film is the constantclose-ups of Jasper’s compass. This acts as a metaphorfor Jasper’s search for direction in his life. He ishaunted by past mistakes but is driven by love in hisquest.
Build ‘uncommon-sense’ language
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Build ‘uncommon-sense’ language
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KLA Description Screen shot
Director Anthony Lucas established this uniqueanimation style, where silhouette paper cut-outs ofhand-drawn characters are scanned then digitallymanipulated
The film conveys an imaginary world containingboth Victorian and futuristic elements
As well as the classic gothic elements of death,decay and terror, the film reflects the 'steampunk’genre
Intricate, cog-driven machinery and Jasper’scompass in particular, assume an almost magicalquality.
The story is based on a traditional hero’s journeynarrative in which the hero leaves the ordinaryworld to travel on a quest to a special world thenreturns to the ordinary world.
Using the screenshot function on your laptops, find images that match withkey points from http://aso.gov.au/titles/shorts/mysterious-jasper-morello/notes/
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http://ww
w.theage.com
.au/news/film
-reviews/jasper-m
orello/2005/12/01/1133311153821.html
Improvedstudentwriting
Build‘uncommon
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Build textstructures
Elaborate
Buildsentences
Cohesion– logical,sustained
Drivetowards
conceptualthinking
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Paragraph structure
D Describe
I Interpret
A Analyse
S Synthesise
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Paragraph structure
P Point
E Explanation
E Example
L Link
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Paragraph structure
T Topic sentence/ Thesis
X expand
X example
X explain
X elaborate (add eXtra!)
C continue or conclude
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T The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello makes use ofsteampunk aesthetics for creative effect.
X By combining the conventions of science fiction, romance and fantasy in thetelling of an adventure story the film creates an engaging imaginary world
X The industrial and steampunk aesthetics contrast with Jasper Morello’scharacter. Jasper’s love for his wife Amelia drives his actions throughout thefilm.
X Jasper’s romantic motivations contrast with the film’s dark aesthetic andemphasise his moral discoveries and transformation in the course of thejourney
X While the world of Gothia has many dystopian features, with the death,decay and terror of the gothic genre particularly apparent, its Victorianvalues are still apparent.
C At its heart, Jasper Morello is a film that champions old-fashioned values:self-sacrifice, duty and the greater good.
Improvedstudentwriting
Build‘uncommon
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Build textstructures
Elaborate
Buildsentences
Cohesion– logical,sustained
Drivetowards
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Jasper Morello’s imagined world, with its steampunk mixture of 18th
century explorations and romantic period dialogue allows his themes andideas to become more poignant._________________________________________________________________________________ His disease ridden dystopian worldwhich sparks Morello’s exploration to discovery allows the viewer toquestion ‘What if?’ his romantic and melodramatic quest sparking ourinterest. _______________________________________________________________________________________________Jaspers discoveries become a trigger for our curiosity and ambition,ensuing an understanding that personal values and context are intertwinedwithin our discoveries, the storyline embeds the theme that “Every manhas a purpose” in our minds. _________________________________________________________________________________
(LH)
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Given – New Strategies
New
• Martin Luther King’s first major peaceful protest (whichmay also be known as civil disobedience) was theMontgomery bus boycott.
Given New
• This protest, which began in December of 1955,followed Rosa Parks’ refusal to move further back on thebus in favour of a white passenger.
Given New
• Her arrest drew media attention and led to theboycott, led for over a year by King.
Given New
•This boycott, which succeeded due to its excellentorganisation of alternative forms of transport, resulted indesegregation of buses in Montgomery
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Given – New Strategies
New
• Jasper Morello makes creative use of twoand three dimensional silhouette animation
Given New
• This style is essential to creating the world of Gothia andengages us with its problems.
Given New
• One key problem, the epidemic, drives the action ofthe film. Jasper’s discovery of the cure for the epidemic inthe creature’s blood is a point of difference from theconventions of the gothic
Given New
• These conventions, which normally focus on deathand decay, are, in a commentary on the amoral nature ofscience, inverted by the creature’s curative properties.
Your handout includes a blank given/ new. Or there’s SmartArt
Improvedstudentwriting
Build‘uncommon
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Build textstructures
Elaborate
Buildsentences
Cohesion– logical,sustained
Drivetowards
conceptualthinking
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KLA The practical side first…
Look back at one of the work samples. Choose onesentence you think is effective, or at least better than therest of the piece.
Rather than a traditional approach, try answering thesequestions:
Is it a simple or a complex sentence? How complex (or simple) is it? How many ideas are there in it? How does it relate to the rest of the exemplar? Would you use this sentence as a model for your
students’ work? What other comments would you make?
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John Foulcher’s poem Summer Rain has verydifferent ideas about discovery than The Tempest.Foulcher description of rush hour traffic - ‘carsclutter on the highway like abacus beads.’ – usesvisual imagery to evoke a very critical view ofsociety. The consonance here gives the poem aharsh edge that shows the unpleasantness of thissituation. For Foulcher, the suburban environmentis a ‘swampland’, a dank, unpleasant place inconflict with the natural world. Foulcher’s poem isanti-romantic, pointing out how our society hasoverwhelmed nature to the point where a summerstorm becomes a ‘tremble’.
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Foulcher’s poem ‘Summer Rain’ is anti-romantic,pointing out how our society has overwhelmednature to the point where a summer stormbecomes a ‘tremble’. The consonance of Foulcher’sopening description of the cars that ‘clutter on thehighway like abacus beads’ gives the image a hardedge, and introduces the poem’s challenge toconcepts of a carefree suburban existence. In thesuburban ‘swampland’, not even children canescape the mindless materialism that, according toFoulcher, drives suburban living. In the growingdark they ‘clash in the park like cars on a highway
Imaginative features such as a variety of genres,foreshadowing and recurring motifs are all effectivelyutilised in Jasper Morello to impact on and increase ourunderstanding of discovery. The varied use of genreheightens the audience’s engagement with the text anddemonstrates how discoveries can be apparent in anygenre or story or style. The quote by Morello at thebeginning of the film about the unmaking of a man becauseof a degree’s change in direction foreshadows the outcomeof the other characters and the discoveries that make orbreak them. The recurring motif of the compass revealsthe power of the ‘one degree’ decision and its impact onthe lives of the characters. These features impact on ourunderstanding of discovery by demonstrating how thethemes are stages involved are universal in all discoverytexts.
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In Jasper Morello, the recurring motif of thecompass reveals the power of the ‘one degree’decision and its impact on the lives of thecharacters. . The compass comes torepresent the decisions made by each ofthe characters in the film and theirresultant physical and psychologicalconsequences. While the film does engageus through the tropes of the adventurefilm, ultimately it is the personaldiscoveries of each of the characters thatengages us. Jasper, for example, mustovercome the burden of the past, the ‘onedegree’ of miscalculation that can make alife or death difference. Jasper’s past failingsengage us because they remind us of our ownfallibility and offer us a vision of redemption forpast wrongs.
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Practical Grammar - Nominalisation
Academic writing frequently makes use of nominalisations– where verbs (or clauses) are turned into nouns
Simple examples include:
She encouraged the cast and they performed brilliantly. Her encouragement of the cast drew out a brilliant
performance.
After the Romans settled Britain many roads were built. After Roman settlement of Britain many roads were
built.
Nominalisation is essential in academic writing because itallows more information to be attached to a concept.
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Practical Grammar - Nominalisation
The Tempest creates an imaginary
world through its use of dramatic
techniques
Central to The Tempest’s revelations
about the nature of things is its
creation of an imaginary world
through a range of dramatic
techniques…
It combines very 19th century
elements, like sailing ships and
clockwork, with more fantastical ones
like flying ships.
The combination of 19th century
elements, such as sailing ships and
clockwork, with more fantastical
ones….
The adventure story gets us involved
with the Jasper’s journey and his
discoveries
Our involvement with Jasper’s
discoveries is enhanced by the film’s
adventure story structure, which…
Nominalisation is essential in academic writingbecause it allows more information to be attached to aconcept BUT it can be over-used!
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Sentences – Modelled and Guided
Sentence starters – Jasper Morello
Central to The Tempest’s revelations about thenature of things is its creation of an imaginaryworld through a range of dramatic techniques…
The combination of 19th century elements, suchas sailing ships and clockwork, with morefantastical ones….
Our involvement with Jasper’s discoveries isenhanced by the film’s adventure story structure,which…
ModalityWe use modality to express how certain or uncertain we areabout a statement. Good writers manipulate modality as part oftheir style. (Note: nominalisation has a high modality)
Examples:
• It seems that these imaginative structures and featuresprompt us to consider…
• It is a nonsense to treat The Tempest as a post-colonial play.To do so is arrogant and anachronistic, a denial of historyand context.
• The representation of these connections contrastsenormously with Foulcher’s sense of a shallow anddisconnected society.
Uncertain students use too many modifiers! ‘Arrogant’students not enough!
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Manipulating Sentences -Passive voice
In conversation we mostly use active voice. Journalism uses itdeliberately to make news writing seem more immediate.
We usually construct sentences where the subject is the ‘doer’of the action: But sometimes we want to turn the sentencearound so that the subject is having the action done to (or by)them:
·
Active Passive
Mobile phones emit noradiation of any significance
Jasper Morello effectivelyutilises imaginative featuressuch as a variety of genres,foreshadowing and recurringmotifs.
No radiation of any significanceis emitted by mobile phones
Imaginative features such as avariety of genres,foreshadowing and recurringmotifs are all effectively utilisedin Jasper Morello.
Manipulating Sentences – the non-finite clause
There is a correlation between particular sorts of complexity and high-level HSC responses. The building of complex meaning in students’ workcan be driven by explicitly teaching some common patterns ofcomplexity.
Write a sentence that includes this clause. It may be at the start, inthe middle or at the end of the sentence‘…ensuring an understanding that personal values and context areintertwined within our discoveries…’
‘…combining19th century elements, such as sailing ships and clockwork,with more fantastical ones….’
‘… hiding the facial features of the central characters within its silhouettestyle…’
The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morellomakes use of a creative steampunk aesthetic to effectivelycreate an imaginary world that becomes a vehicle forallegorical commentary on the nature of our own. The film’ssmoky industrial machinery superficially creates a gothicdystopia, notable for the tropes of death, decay and terror.Jasper’s memory of the death of the airman following his ‘onedegree’ error foreshadows the chain of deaths that is centralto the film’s representation of discovery. However, JasperMorello is, at its heart, a surprisingly moral film thatrediscovers and revitalises Victorian values: Jasper’s self-sacrifice, sense of duty and commitment to the greater goodcontrast with the darkness of the film’s silhouette animation.Morello is the admirable romantic, driven by his unswervingmoral compass. Jasper’s past failings engage us because theyremind us of our own fallible natures and offer us a vision ofredemption for past wrongs.
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Improvedstudentwriting
Build‘uncommon
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Build textstructures
Elaborate
Buildsentences
Cohesion– logical,sustained
Drivetowards
conceptualthinking
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Cohesive Device DetailSimple connectives one point is/ another point is
Logical connectives However, therefore, additionally
‘Reference’ words – typically from the question or thethesis (mobile phones, cancer,cause)
Complex wordassociations:
prejudices, myth, intuitions, (avoidsrepetition)
Synonyms Radio waves, electro-magneticradiation, energy, ultra-violetradiation
•Ellipsis and control ofmultiple threads
Referring words (this, it, them)substitutions, control of time andperspective….
•Substitutions Belief, understanding,
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What is it that holds this paragraph together? Doesit answer the question? Which words does it repeat?What evidence is there of evaluative language?
The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello makesuse of a creative steampunk aesthetic to effectively create animaginary world that becomes a vehicle for allegoricalcommentary on the nature of our own. The film’s smokyindustrial machinery superficially creates a gothic dystopia,notable for the tropes of death, decay and terror. Jasper’smemory of the death of the airman following his ‘one degree’error foreshadows the chain of deaths that is central to the film’srepresentation of discovery. However, Jasper Morello is, at itsheart, a surprisingly moral film that rediscovers and revitalisesVictorian values: Jasper’s self-sacrifice, sense of duty andcommitment to the greater good contrast with the darkness ofthe film’s silhouette animation. Morello is the admirableromantic, driven by his unswerving moral compass. Jasper’s pastfailings engage us because they remind us of our own falliblenatures and offer us a vision of redemption for past wrongs.
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The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morellomakes use of a creative steampunk aesthetic to effectivelycreate an imaginary world that becomes a vehicle forallegorical commentary on the nature of our own. The film’ssmoky industrial machinery superficially creates a gothicdystopia, notable for the tropes of death, decay and terror.Jasper’s memory of the death of the airman following his ‘onedegree’ error foreshadows the chain of deaths that is centralto the film’s representation of discovery. However, JasperMorello is, at its heart, a surprisingly moral film thatrediscovers and revitalises Victorian values: Jasper’s self-sacrifice, sense of duty and commitment to the greater goodcontrast with the darkness of the film’s silhouette animation.Morello is the admirable romantic, driven by his unswervingmoral compass. Jasper’s past failings engage us because theyremind us of our own fallible natures and offer us a vision ofredemption for past wrongs.
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Practical Grammar can help!Im
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Your Response Possible Issue
“It’s too much like conversation” Nominalisation may help
“It sounds overly complicated” Check for overuse of nominalisationOR passive voice
“It sounds too uncertain” Problems of modality
“It sounds arrogant” Modality too high
“It sounds pretentious” Probably overuse of passive voice
Improvedstudentwriting
Build‘uncommon
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Build textstructures
Elaborate
Buildsentences
Cohesion– logical,sustained
Drivetowards
conceptualthinking
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Build towards the ‘big ideas’Im
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From the Marking Centres:
Better responses:
“discussed”, “examined”, “evaluated”,“produced a sustained coherentresponse”, “provided a detailedexamination of..” “presented anargument”, “provided reasons”,“comprehensively analysed”,“explained”, “synthesised”.
Build towards the ‘big ideas’
• HSC exams are structured around theconceptual
• What can we do to encourage ourstudents to come to terms with theconcepts?
• Several of the activities here will help –but it’s worth being explicit
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Build towards the ‘big ideas’
One example:
‘Jasper Morello’ and ‘The Tempest’ construct theirdiscoveries for very different purposes. On the one hand,______________...
The nature of scientific discovery is critiqued in both ‘JasperMorello’ and ‘The Tempest’ through ___________________
‘Jasper Morello’ and ‘The Tempest’ both challenge ourunderstanding of discovery because ____________________
Central to The Tempest’s revelations about the nature of things is itscreation of an imaginary world through a range of dramatictechniques unusual in a Shakespearean play. The MysteriousGeographic Explorations of Jasper Morello makes use of a creativesteampunk aesthetic for a similar purpose: to effectively create animaginary world that becomes a vehicle for allegorical commentaryon our own. Jasper Morello’s smoky industrial machinery superficiallycreates a gothic dystopia, notable for the tropes of death, decay andterror. Jasper’s memory of the death of the airman following his ‘onedegree’ error foreshadows the chain of deaths that is central to thefilm’s representation of discovery. However, Jasper Morello is, at itsheart, a surprisingly moral film that rediscovers and revitalisesVictorian values: Jasper’s self-sacrifice, sense of duty and commitmentto the greater good contrast with the darkness of the film’s silhouetteanimation. Prospero may be more certain of himself and his purposebut Morello is nonetheless the admirable romantic, driven by hisunswerving moral compass. Jasper’s past failings engage us becausethey remind us of our own fallible natures and offer us a vision ofredemption for past wrongs Both texts confirm the significance of theimagination in explorations of the nature of things.
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