Listening For Lawyers: Effective Communication for Effective
Advocacy Berks County Bar Association October 23, 2013 Listening
For Lawyers: Effective Communication for Effective Advocacy Berks
County Bar Association October 23, 2013 Slide 2 Outline Listening
Like A Lawyer Listening Like A Lawyer The Lawyer PersonalityThe
Lawyer Personality Considerations for Dissolving Barriers to
Communication Considerations for Dissolving Barriers to
Communication Listening FiltersListening Filters Contents of our
own Minds Contents of our own Minds Socio-Cultural Filters
Socio-Cultural Filters Ego and Behavioral Blocks Ego and Behavioral
Blocks to Listening/Understanding to Listening/Understanding
Listening Practice Listening Practice Strategic
Questioning:Strategic Questioning: Asking The Best Question Asking
The Best Question Slide 3 Evolutionary Considerations Slide 4
Justice One definition of Justice is Right Relationship Fairness,
equality, respect, inherent dignity of every person Listening
itself is an act of Justice Slide 5 The healing function ought to
be the primary role of the be the primary role of the lawyer in the
highest lawyer in the highest conception of our profession.
conception of our profession. Chief Justice Warren Burger Chief
Justice Warren Burger Listening is the oldest, and perhaps most
powerful tool of healing Rachel Naomi Remen Slide 6 Cognitive and
Behavioral Distancing From Those Who Are Not Like Ourselves the
dominant human response to people perceived as other Both
interpersonal and institutional Lack of exposure, experience Lack
of exposure, experience Ignorance (not knowing, unaware) Ignorance
(not knowing, unaware) Slide 7 Leads to Development of Isms Moral
Exclusion: see as other and lesser. Dehumanization Moral Exclusion:
see as other and lesser. Dehumanization Lack of empathy, sympathy,
compassion Lack of empathy, sympathy, compassion Stereotyping
Stereotyping Discrimination Discrimination ExclusionExclusion Legal
system Legal system Slide 8 Good News!!! Distancing is non-
normative among those in actual relationship with those in the
target group Distancing is non- normative among those in actual
relationship with those in the target group The antidote:
Relationship The antidote: Relationship Justice: Right relationship
Justice: Right relationship Slide 9 Shifting the Listening Paradigm
Slide 10 Active Listening. one of many listening modalities
Encouraging Encouraging Restating Restating Reflecting Reflecting
Summarizing Summarizing Slide 11 What is Listening Like a Lawyer?
Reflect upon modes of communication in law. In your experience,
what stands out for you as the most significant aspect of Listening
Like a Lawyer? Name it in a word or phrase. Slide 12 What Do We
Learn In Law School? In academic culture most listening is critical
listening. We tend to pay attention only long enough to develop a
counterargument, we critique (others) ideas, we mentally grade and
pigeonhole each other. Seldom is there a deep, openhearted,
unjudging reception of the other. And so we all talk louder and
more stridently and with a terrible desperation. MROReilly, quoted
in Mark Weisberg and Jean Koh Peters, Experiments in Listening,
Journal of Legal Education, volume 57, Number 3 (September 2007
Slide 13 Reflective Listening Continuum* Pure doubt Pure belief
Socratic method/Critical Listening Deep Listening Good lawyers and
judges know when to use these modalities appropriately. Adapted
from : Peter Elbow. Embracing Contraries: Explorations in Learning
and Teaching (Oxford, 1986) Slide 14 The Lawyer Personality Adapted
from Understanding and Leading Lawyers, by Dr. Larry Richard
Lawyers are not like other kids. Lawyers are not like other kids.
On most personality traits, lawyers score dramatically differently
from other people On most personality traits, lawyers score
dramatically differently from other people On 6 of 18 traits,
lawyers score two levels outside the standard deviation On 6 of 18
traits, lawyers score two levels outside the standard deviation
Slide 15 Lawyers.. Are more skeptical: Greatest deviation from
norm. Are more skeptical: Greatest deviation from norm. Lawyers
score 90% (general public:50%)Lawyers score 90% (general
public:50%) Are more autonomous: Are more autonomous: Lawyers: 85%
General Public: 50%Lawyers: 85% General Public: 50% Have a greater
sense of urgency: Have a greater sense of urgency: Lawyers: 75%
General Public: 50%Lawyers: 75% General Public: 50% Have a higher
level of empathy Have a higher level of empathy (Also see
Myers-Briggs data in materials)(Also see Myers-Briggs data in
materials) Slide 16 Lawyers Have a lower level of Sociability:
(degree to which connect at cerebral or emotional level) Have a
lower level of Sociability: (degree to which connect at cerebral or
emotional level) Lawyers: 12% General Public: 50 % Lawyers: 12%
General Public: 50 % Utilize abstract reasoning to a greater
degree: Utilize abstract reasoning to a greater degree: Lawyers:
82% General Public 50% Are less Resilient: Are less Resilient:
Lawyers: 36% General Public 50% Are most effective in One on One
communication. Keep large group discussions to a minimum. Are most
effective in One on One communication. Keep large group discussions
to a minimum. Slide 17 Implications of Collaborative, Generous
Listening Approach : Attorney-client relationship Attorney-client
relationship Information Gathering Information Gathering Choice of
strategy Choice of strategy Outcomes Outcomes Client satisfaction
Client satisfaction Attorney satisfaction Attorney satisfaction
Access to Justice Access to Justice Slide 18 .for Colleagues and
Staff: .for Colleagues and Staff: Better relationships Better
relationships Increased understandingIncreased understanding More
efficient and effective communicationMore efficient and effective
communication Less tension and stress Less tension and stress
Possibility of greater creativity Possibility of greater creativity
Listening in and of itself does some of the work for you. Slide 19
Listening Filters 1. The Content of Our Own Minds 2. Socio-cultural
filters 3. Our Egos Content of our own Minds Content of our own
Minds What IS the content of your thought?What IS the content of
your thought? Slide 20 The Process: 1. Examine Your Internal
Monologue: What goes on in your head? Thinking of the rest of your
to-do list Thinking of the rest of your to-do list Thinking of what
to say in response Thinking of what to say in response Thinking of
a solution Thinking of a solution Thinking of why the other person
is wrong Thinking of why the other person is wrong Thinking about a
similar thing that happened to you Thinking about a similar thing
that happened to you Thinking about what you have to do next
Thinking about what you have to do next Worrying about your
problems Worrying about your problems Worrying about 3,000 things
that might happen Worrying about 3,000 things that might happen
Slide 21 What To Do? Be Aware Conscious Present Intentional Slide
22 CAVEAT! Continuous Partial Attention Multitasking: The Research*
Faster behaviorsFaster behaviors Those who multitask most are those
least able to do soThose who multitask most are those least able to
do so Poor at sorting out irrelevancy Poor at sorting out
irrelevancy Worse at switching between tasks Worse at switching
between tasks Worse memory retention Worse memory retention
Research: is multitasking deteriorating these capacities in the
brain? Research: is multitasking deteriorating these capacities in
the brain? *Based on the work of Clifford Nass, Stanford,
Communication Between Human and Interactive Media Lab, and Gary
Small UCLA, ibrain: Surviving the Technological Alteration of the
Modern Mind Slide 23 Socio-Cultural Filters * Based on the work of:
Nancy Boyd-Franklin, Nancy. Black Families in Therapy:
Understanding the African American Experience.Nancy Boyd-Franklin,
Nancy. Black Families in Therapy: Understanding the African
American Experience. Monica McGoldrick, Joe Giordano, and Nydia
Garcia-Preto, editors. Ethnicity and Family Therapy, 3rd
Edition.Monica McGoldrick, Joe Giordano, and Nydia Garcia-Preto,
editors. Ethnicity and Family Therapy, 3rd Edition. Deborah Tannen,
You Just Dont Understand: Women and Men In Conversation, and
Talking Nine To Five: Women and Men at WorkDeborah Tannen, You Just
Dont Understand: Women and Men In Conversation, and Talking Nine To
Five: Women and Men at Work Susan Bryant, The Five Habits: Building
Cross Cultural Competence in Lawyers 8 Clinical Law Review 37
2001-2002 And others. And others. Slide 24 Filters, continued. Age
Gender Class Ethnicity EGOEGO Religion Education (Bias) Slide 25
Differences in Custom and Culture:* How can these affect
communication with clients? Formation of trusting relationships
Formation of trusting relationships Evaluation of credibility
Evaluation of credibility Information gathering Information
gathering Attribution of intended meaning from behavior and
expression Attribution of intended meaning from behavior and
expression *adapted from Bryant Slide 26 Listening Filters Culture
and Custom Culture and Custom Non-verbalsNon-verbals
Biases/Prejudices/ Biases/Prejudices/ Assumptions Assumptions See
Project Implicit: https://implicit.harvard.edu /implicit Prior
Experience, including Knowledge Prior Experience, including
Knowledge For lawyers, this includes legal knowledge/skills/
expertise. Clients bring their own experience and skill.For
lawyers, this includes legal knowledge/skills/ expertise. Clients
bring their own experience and skill. Slide 27 Other issues.. Non
verbals: What is your assumption about what these signify? Non
verbals: What is your assumption about what these signify? Eg. Eg.
Nodding?Nodding? Eye contact?Eye contact? Individualism vs.
Collective culture: Individualism vs. Collective culture: e.g.
privacy and confidentiality.e.g. privacy and confidentiality. How
could this be an issue in the client- relationship context?How
could this be an issue in the client- relationship context? Slide
28 Socio-Cultural Rules and Norms Hidden Assumptions about: Hidden
Assumptions about: possessions possessions money money time time
education education language language world view world view
personality personality motivations motivations gender roles gender
roles family family Enormous variation in norms and beliefs Slide
29 Socio-Cultural Conversational Dynamics The Role of Story The
Role of Story The Structure ofThe Structure of Conversation
Conversation The Role of Language The Role of Language Formal and
casual speech Formal and casual speech Context: Custom and Belief
Context: Custom and Belief Slide 30 Language in Cultural Context
Example #1. Lawyer says to Client: Example #1. Lawyer says to
Client: If there is anything you do not understand, please just ask
me to explain Or, Example. #2 Or, Example. #2 If I am not being
clear, please just ask me any questions: What could you say
instead? Slide 31 Four Helpful Attitudes/Behaviors 1. Not Knowing
2. Genuine Curiosity 3. Awareness of Personal and Socio- Cultural
Filters 4. Focus on EXPERIENCE, not convictions Slide 32 What To
Do???? Know that you do not know.Know that you do not know. Be
CONSCIOUS of this. Be CONSCIOUS of this. Engage inEngage in
generous interpretation generous interpretation of client behavior:
of client behavior: adopt parallel universe* thinking adopt
parallel universe* thinking Bryant, Susan. The Five Habits:
Building Cross Cultural Competence in Lawyers 8 Clinical Law Review
37 2001- 2002 Slide 33 Respond with Strategic Questions, not
statements.Respond with Strategic Questions, not statements. If you
cant think of anything to say, dont say anything! Experiment with
silence.If you cant think of anything to say, dont say anything!
Experiment with silence. Slide 34 ONE MORE FILTER WE ALL HAVE IN
COMMON OUREGOS Slide 35 Trying to get attention by talking about
yourself, your experiences, your issues etc. Trying to get
attention by talking about yourself, your experiences, your issues
etc. Desiring, seeking, or demanding recognition for something you
did Being angry, upset, disgruntled, or holding on if you dont get
it Giving your opinion when nobody has asked for it and it makes no
difference to the situation Slide 36 Trying to make an impression
on others through knowledge, status, physical strength,
possessions, good looks, etc. For some, boasting of the OPPOSITE,
e.g. a simple lifestyle, lack of possessions, lack of a privileged
background, etc. Trying to make an impression on others through
knowledge, status, physical strength, possessions, good looks, etc.
For some, boasting of the OPPOSITE, e.g. a simple lifestyle, lack
of possessions, lack of a privileged background, etc. Bringing
about temporary ego inflation through angry reaction against
someone or something Being more concerned with how the other person
sees you than with the other person Slide 37 Taking things
personally, feeling offended Taking things personally, feeling
offended Making yourself right and others wrong through futile
mental or verbal complaining, gymnastics, explaining. Making
yourself right and others wrong through futile mental or verbal
complaining, gymnastics, explaining. Wanting to be seen, or appear
important. Wanting to be seen, or appear important. Bragging, self-
aggrandizing speechBragging, self- aggrandizing speech
Exaggerating/inflating accomplishmentsExaggerating/inflating
accomplishments Belittling others, actions that diminish, demean,
or are meant to embarrass othersBelittling others, actions that
diminish, demean, or are meant to embarrass others Slide 38 REFLECT
Which of these behaviors do I own? How and when do I utilize them?
How have they served me in the past? Is it time to let them go?
Slide 39 Abandon Judgments Generous Interpretation Parallel
Universe Thinking The more afraid we are, the more certain we
become. Brene Brown Slide 40 Listening Practice!!!! Slide 41 Pay
attention during this exercise! Utilize your frontal lobe. Be a
witness to yourself. Slide 42 Listen for the Wisdom/Truth What can
you affirm? Again: Generous Interpretation Parallel Universe
Thinking Slide 43 Reflect on These Quotes Slide 44 Justice is open
to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel. The law, in its
majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep
under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. Anatole
France (Jacques Anatole Franois Thibault), The Red Lily, 1894 Slide
45 Reflect on these quotes: What, if anything: Inspires you
Inspires you Surprises you Surprises you Challenges you, creates
resistance in you Challenges you, creates resistance in you Makes
you emotional, or evokes your compassion Makes you emotional, or
evokes your compassion Justice is open to everyone in the same way
as the Ritz Hotel. Justice is open to everyone in the same way as
the Ritz Hotel. The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich
as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets,
and to steal bread. Anatole France (Jacques Anatole Franois
Thibault), The Red Lily, 1894 The law, in its majestic equality,
forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg
in the streets, and to steal bread. Anatole France (Jacques Anatole
Franois Thibault), The Red Lily, 1894 Slide 46 Group Listening
Process Solitary Reflection in Silence Solitary Reflection in
Silence One person shares. One person shares. Silence Silence Pay
Attention! Notice your process. Pay Attention! Notice your process.
Slide 47 Second Round of Listening Slide 48 Group Listening Process
Round 2 Silence Silence One person shares reflection. One person
shares reflection. Silence Silence Each listener may ask clarifying
questions of the speaker Each listener may ask clarifying questions
of the speaker Silence Silence Slide 49 Third Round of Listening
Slide 50 Strategic Questioning: Asking the best question What
questions help clients clarify their own issues? clarify their own
issues? Slide 51 Potential of Strategic Questioning see materials
for details Greater Clarity Greater Clarity Greater Understanding
Greater Understanding Surfacing of Alternatives Surfacing of
Alternatives Improved Outcomes Improved Outcomes
ComplianceCompliance Empowerment Empowerment Slide 52 Strategic
Questioning Question Categories Strategic Questioning : An
Experiment in Communication of the Second Kind, by Fran Peavey 1.
FOCUS QUESTIONS 2. OBSERVATION QUESTIONS 3. FEELING QUESTIONS 4.
VISION QUESTIONS Moving into Strategic Questions. 5. CHANGE
QUESTIONS 5. CHANGE QUESTIONS 6. CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVES
QUESTIONS 6. CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVES QUESTIONS 7. PERSONAL
INVENTORY AND SUPPORT QUESTIONS 7. PERSONAL INVENTORY AND SUPPORT
QUESTIONS 8. PERSONAL ACTION STEP(S) QUESTIONS 8. PERSONAL ACTION
STEP(S) QUESTIONS Slide 53 Group Listening Process Round 3 Silence
Silence One person shares reflection. One person shares reflection.
Silence Silence Ask Strategic Questions Ask Strategic Questions
Silence Silence Group discusses the process. Slide 54 AWARENESS
BEING PRESENT INTENTIONALITY Slide 55 Eight Behavioral Blocks to
Effective Communication adapted from the work of Lenn Snyder, MEd,
LCSW See materials for details Slide 56 AWARENESS!!!!! Default
Position: SELF Reflection, not judgment of another Slide 57 BALANCE
Cultivating a reflective, examined life The unexamined life is not
worth living. Socrates Slide 58 Personal Conversational Dynamics
Homework: When reviewing this session, reflect on your own
conversational dynamics. When reviewing this session, reflect on
your own conversational dynamics. Which, if any, or these behaviors
and interactions do you engage in? Are you aware of this in the
conversational moment? Have you ever reflected on these dynamics
following a conversation? Slide 59 JUST Listening 26 W. Gowen
Avenue Philadelphia, PA 19119-1645 Phone: 215-840-4772
[email protected] www.justlistening.net Sharon Browning,
Esq
