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Choosing A Life Partner

Olga Carillo

SOC 323 AE Marriage and the Family

July 19, 2015

Yvonne Thai

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Abstract

A blog offering a complete and comprehensive answer to the questions: (1) According to

family scholars, what are at least 5 criteria for choosing a life partner and (2) what makes a

relationship successful?

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Choosing A Life Partner

"Choosing a life partner is the biggest decision you'll make outside of choosing to accept

Jesus Christ as Savior." (Mehl, 1999). It is always encouraged to pray for discernment when

looking for the perfect mate. However, aside from divine intervention, Christian Scholar and

marriage counselor, Ron Mehl, has created a criterion that can be summed up as "five things to

look for in a life partner." According to Mehl, the first and most important criteria for choosing a

life partner is "make sure your life partner loves God more than he or she loves you." (Mehl,

1999). Jesus has commanded his servants to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and

with all your soul and with all your mind." (Matthew 22:37, NIV). Watch the way your partner

treats his or her relationship with God because that is the way s/he will treat you. The second

criteria for choosing a life partner is "make sure your life partner is a person of character."

(Mehl, 1999). Watch the way your partner treats other people. A good life partner strives to be

trustworthy and kind to everyone s/he meets. The ideal life partner works hard to meet all

obligations and never breaks promises. If your life partner mistreats others, this is a reflection of

how s/he will treat you over time. The third criteria for choosing a life partner is "make sure to

note the way your life partner dresses." (Mehl, 1999). That's not to say that a relationship is

based on the clothes that you wear, or any other worldly material. Paul, one of Jesus' apostles,

under the commandment of God, said he "wants women to be modest in their appearance. They

should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way

they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes." (1 Timothy 2:9, NLT).

This verse applies to men. Your life partner should be adorned by their actions and good deeds,

rather than their clothes. If your partner wears clothes that are either too tight or too loose, make

sure your partner isn't too flirtatious. If you're in a comfortable relationship, there is no reason to

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be wearing revealing or form-fitting clothes when going out in public. The fourth criteria for

choosing a life partner has to do with respect. Make sure your life partner respects his parents,

make sure your life partner respects others and make sure others respect your life partner.

"Choose a good reputation over great riches, for being held in high esteem is better than having

silver or gold." (Proverbs 22:1, NLT). Start by watching your life partner's relationship with his

parents. The way s/he treats his own flesh and blood is the way s/he will treat you over time. Get

to know who your partners friends are. There is an old saying that says "birds of a feather flock

together." Discreetly ask your partner's friends what they think of him or her. Do you think they

are lying to you or telling the truth? Their answers will inform you of your partner's character.

The final criteria is to make sure your life partner knows his/her priorities. Relationships are

about building each other up, and filling in for what each other lacks. 'Two people who are

always late will never be on time.' Make sure that your partner is always encouraging you to

improve and do better. Never commit to a relationship with anyone who stands in the way of

your relationship with God or your dreams.

"A successful relationship must be based in God." (Dell, 2012). When God went searching

for Adam's perfect mate, he created Eve. This was a relationship as God intended. Both partners

must put God first in every relationship. When we struggle, we turn to God for solutions. When

we get angry, we turn to God for peace of mind. When we sin, we turn to God for forgiveness.

"Most of us are selfish in what we want. It is about ourselves." (Dell, 2012) When couples make

life decisions they should ask themselves "what does God want?" A man and woman can

maintain a healthy relationship with each other by maintaining a healthy relationship with God.

Everything comes back to God. Finally, understand that relationships are about commitment, not

desire. Do not expect to enter a relationship and take, take, take. Expect to enter a relationship

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and give, give give. Ultimately, it is the sacrifices that we make that make our relationship with

God and each other stronger.

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References

Dell, K. (2012, December 23). Successful Relationship Must Be Based in God. Retrieved

July 20, 2015.

Mehl, R. (1999, December 1). Choosing a Life Partner. Retrieved July 20, 2015.