740

LETTER XII

F RO f¥! JULIE

This l et t er was included in t he preceding one .

Our project must be abandoned . Everyt hing has chan g ed, my dearest

friend; let us b e ar this c h ange without c omplaint; it is t he working of

a wis er hand than ours . \Je t hought to reunite our lives ; this r eunion

was not g ood . I t was a bl e s sing from Heaven that it was f orestalled,

for misfortune would surely have followed .

For a long t ime I clung t o my illusion . That illusion help ed to

make me bet t er; it is destroyed at t his moment when I no 1 0nger need it .

You thought me cured, and I beli eved so too . Le t u s give t hanks to Him

who made this err or p ers i st as long as it was useful . Seeing how close

I was to the abyss , who knows wheth~r I woul not have lost my head ? Yes,

it was of no use tryin g to stifle t h e first sentiment which kindled me to

life , it only entrenched itself withi n my heart . I t reawak ens now when I

need no l onger fe a r it; it sustains me a s my strength ebbs away; it brings

me to life a s I am dying . My friend , I make you t his c onfession without

shame ; thi s sentiment that c l ung t o me despite myself was involuntary; it

never harmed my innocence; whatever d e p ended on my will was devot ed t o

du ty. If my heart, upon whl ch the wil l h as no hold , was glv en to you ,

this wa s my torment, n ~t my crime . I did what I had t o do ; my virt ue is

still untarnished , an d my love without remorse .

I t ake pride in the p ast ; but who c ould answer for the future? One

more da y mi ght have brought about my f a ll . \ h a t would have h a ppened h a d

my whole life be en s p ent with you? Think of the risks I have r un while

unaware! Think of t h ose s t ill greater ones to which I woul d h ave been

exposed ! It was d oubtles s for myself I felt tho s e misgiv ings I thought

were aimed at you . We believed we had met al l our trials , but they mi ght

have all too readily r e t urned . lave I not lived long eno ugh in regard to

v i rt u e and to hap oi n ess? 1h a t else i s there of us e to me st i ll to extract

from life? I n t aking this f rom me , Heaven depr i v e s me of nothing I regret,

and places my honor beyond risk . 11y friend , the moment is ri ght for me

to leave, s a tisfied wi th you an d with mys elf; I leave with joy, f or there

lS nothing cruel In t his departure . After so many sacrifi ces, this last

one seems lit t le enough : it is but dying one more t i me .

74-1 LETC'ER XII

Part six

2

I foresee your paln ; I fe e l it for you ; I kno w all too well how

much you are t o be pit ied , and t he knowlege of your gr ief i s the gre atest

s or r ow I c arr y wi th me . But : l ook also at t h e c ons ol ations I am leav i n g +

you . Let the obligat ions be queathed t o you by h e r whom you held dear

make it your duty t o go on l i v ing f o r her s a k e . You must k e ep on c aring

f or the best part of herself . You lose n ot hing of Julie but tha t which

y ou nav e lost long s i n ce . 1 1 that was best in her r emains behind fo r you .

Com~ , ," join her family . Let her heart dwel l in your mi dst . Let all

she lov e d b e unite so tha t she may live anew . Your t asks , y our pleasures .

your friendship , al l will be her work . Th e bonds of y our union tied by

her will br i ng her bac k to life ; she wil l only di e with the last one of

you a ll .

Re member that you still have another Julie , and do not forget how

muc h you owe t o her . Each of y ou is about t o l os e one ha lf of y our life ;

you mu s t unite that you may pr e serve the other ; the only way you wi ll b oth

s ur vive me is by caring fo r my f amily and my ch ildren . Oh tha t I might

inv ent st i ll ti ght er b onds to bind together a ll t h o s e whom I love ! Ah ,

h ow you two need to be unit ed ! How this idea shoul d reinforce y our at ­

ta chment t o each other ! Your very obj e ctions t o this engagement will

only be more reas ons why it should be made . How could y ou ever speak

of me without being moved by a c omnon s ens e of sympathy? 1 0 : Claire a n d

J ulie will bec ome so intermingl ed in you r mind that your heart will no

longer be abl e t o separate the two. Her h e art will repay you all that

you have fe l t f or her fri end , she wi ll become both i ts confi d ant and its

obje ct: y ou will be h a ppy beside h er who remains with you without ceas i ng

to be faithful t o her whom yo u h a ve lost , and , after s o many so r rows and

r e grets , before you have p as s ed the a g e of l ife and love , your heart wil l

h av e burned with a legi t imate fire ; you wil l have e n j oye d an inn ocent

h ap p i ness.

~ ithin this chaste union you wi l l be a ble t o fulfil~ without dis ­

tractions and wi t hout fe a r , those tasks I no w bequeath you ; after that

you will no l onger be a t a lo ss to s ay wha t g ood y ou h a ve done here on

earth . You know well t hat there i s a man wonthy o f a h a ppiness fo r

whi ch h e d a r es no t hope . Th at man is your d eliverer , the hu s band of

t he fr iend whom he r etur ned t o y ou . Alone, without interes t i n this

life or expectation f or the next , without p leasure , without c onsolation ,

742 Part six

LETTER XII

without hope , he will soon be the most unhappy man alive . You ow e him

some return for the care he. has taken ' af yo~ , a nd you know how to put

this t o t h e best use . Remember my l as t lett er . Pass y outdays wi th. him .

Let nothing that lov ed me forsak e him . He ga ve y ou back y our love of

v irtue , let him see its worth . Be Christian yourself that he may become

so . Suc c es s 1S closer t han you think : he has done his duty , I shall do

mine , your s . God i s just ; my c onfiden ce will n ot betray me .

only on e wor d t o say to you c onc erning my chi ldren . I kn ow

how muc h care t hei r edu c atio wi l l cost you , but I know too t hat this

care will be gladly giv en. During t h e moments of dismay i n sep arable from

this t a sk , tel l yoursel f : These are Julie ' s ch ildren , and i t wi ll no

longer be a ch ore . Monsieur d e 101mar will giv e you t he not es I made

c on c erning your treatis e and the char a cter of my two s ons . This paper

is onl y an outline : I am not giv i n g it to you as a r ulebook , and I expect

you t o use it a c cord ing t o your own judge ment . Do not make them into

sch olars , make them i nt o good and j u s t men . Speak to them occasional l y

of thei r mother ••• y ou know if they were dear to her ••• tell Marcellin

tha t I d i ed happy be c aus e I died for him . Tell his brother t hat it was

because o f him t r a t I loved life . ~el l them ••• I feel weary . I t is t i me

to end this letter. In ent rusting my children t o you , t h e s e para tion

seems less har d ; I f eel I am still with t h em .

Farewel l , f a r ewel l , my tender f r iend .•• Al a s , I end my l ife RS I

beg an it . I am s aying too much p erhaps at t his mome nt when t he heart

h olds nothi n g back ••• But then! why should I f e a r to s a y a l l that I

feel? It is no long er I that s p eak , I am already in the a rms of d e ath .

hen you read this let t er, t he worms wi l l be d evouring the face of your

beloved as well as her h eart where you wi l l n o l onger be . But, c ould

my soul exist wi t hout you? 1ithout you, c ould there be any happiness

for me? No, I am not leaving y ou , I go t o aw ait y ou. Virtue , whi ch

separates us on this ear t h , will uni te u s in our et ernal home . I di e

in this glad e xp ectation , on ly too happy to buy with my life the ri ght

t o love you with~ut crime, and t o tell you so one final time .

f i n is