Lesson 6: Communication - Thrive · 2020. 5. 15. · 38 Managing Your Pain Participant Workbook 2020 aiser ermanente, orthern alifornia. Th ermanent Medica roup nc l ight eserved

37Managing Your Pain Participant Workbook

2020 Kaiser Permanente, Northern California. The Permanente Medical Group, Inc. all rights reserved.

Health Engagement Consulting Services. 00110-010 (Rev. 03/20)

Lesson 6: CommunicationHow Chronic Pain Gets in the Way

Fear ofthe pain

Loss ofintimacy

and socialcontacts

Others feelrejected and

withdraw

Increaseddisconnection,

conflict, orisolation

Tension inrelationships

Chronic paincan disruptimportant

relationships

38 Managing Your Pain Participant Workbook



Lesson 6: Communication StylesBeliefs Strategy Frequent Feelings

Passive • You matter andI don’t.

• I must give inwhenever there’s conflictbetween my needs andyours.

I often feel:

• Helpless

• Resentful

• Unappreciated

• Worthless

Assertive • My needs andopinions matterand so do yours.

• I speak for my needs.

• I will listen to yours.

• We can negotiatesomething that works forboth of us.

I often feel:

• Self-respect

• Confident

• Caring

• Helpful

Aggressive • I matter andyou don’t.

• I attack to win at all costs.

• I will meet my needs andexpress my opinionswithout regard for you.

I often feel:

• Angry

• Impatient

• Rushed

Passive-aggressive

• You matter,but so do I.

• I will give in if there’s anyconflict but will find a wayto get back at you, likelywithout telling you.

I often feel:

• Angry

• Resentful

• Confused

• Unappreciated




Lesson 6: Assertive Communication

Effective and assertive communication is very important for managing chronic pain.

Being assertive means:• You exhibit self-esteem. You can:

• Express your personal likes and interests.

• Think and talk about yourself in a positive way.

• Accept compliments comfortably.

• You handle difficult situations. You can:

• Disagree with someone directly and with respect.

• Ask for clarification confidently.

• Say “No” without giving in to anxious or guilty feelings.

• Ask for what you want clearly and confidently.

• You reach out to connect with others. You can:

• Feel comfortable giving honest compliments.

• Actively keep in touch with friends.

• Take the first step in forming new friendships.

You are assertive when you stand

up for your rights without violating the

rights of others.




Lesson 6: CommunicationBuilding and Enhancing RelationshipsRelationship-Interfering Behaviors Relationship-Enhancing Strategies

• Turning down plans or not answeringthe phone

• Suggesting alternative activities instead ofturning down invitations

• Pacing and planning ahead

• Excessive pain talk • Limiting pain talk

• Remember you are more than your pain

• Overdependence on others

• Learned helplessness

• Refusing to let others share responsibilities

• Balancing asking for help with findingalternate ways to complete tasksindependently

• Not speaking up

• Passive response

• Assertive communication

• Assuming others don’t value your friendship • Giving yourself credit for your contributionto the relationship

• Seeking new relationships and findingsupportive friends with shared interests

• Engaging in pain behaviors — grippingpainful body parts, groaning, excessive useof pain props

• Using subtle strategies to cope with pain(example: using the restroom to get astanding break)

• Lashing out — aggressive response • Laughing and positive exchanges




Lesson 6: “I” Statements: Key Points• Get prepared before you bring up an issue you need to talk over with someone. First review

your thoughts, emotions, and ideas about the situation. Agree on a specific time to talk with theother person.

• Meet the other person with respect and confidence. Show this in your tone of voice and bodylanguage.

What to do: What to say:

Step 1 Describe the issue in factual, neutral, unexaggerated language, using only the present or most recent example.

When ...

(Describe situation, “just the basics” of what happened)

Step 2 Focus on your feelings rather than blaming, judging, or interpreting the other person. This fosters communication because the other person won’t need to defend themself.

I feel ...

(Emotion named in one word)

Step 3 Say what you think about the situation (your opinion or interpretation) and how you feel as a result. OR describe how the situation affects you (the consequence).

Because ...

(Express your opinion or perspective OR describe the effect/consequence the situation causes for you)

Step 4 Suggest a specific solution stated in a positive way.

I need…I want…I wish…I would like…

(State your specific, positive solution)

“I” statement example:

“When you get home from work two hours later than you said, I feel anxious and worried, because I think you’ve been in an accident. I would like you to call me when you know you’ll be late.”

Avoid these common communication barriers:

• Describing the issues using “loaded,” attacking, or sarcastic words.

• Expressing an opinion and calling it a feeling.

• Forgetting to be specific and positive.




Lesson 6: Practicing “I” Statements at HomeThink of a situation that you’ve wanted to talk over with someone close to you. Write an “I” statement for that situation. Before you talk with the person involved, review your wording with a good friend or someone from class.

When

I feel

Because

I want/would like

Think of someone you’ve been wanting to praise or compliment lately. Write an “I” statement for positive expression using the format below:

When

I feel

Because

I want/would like

Then, share this with the person you plan to communicate with.




Lesson 6: Identify Left or Right Hands




Lesson 6: Steps to Sharpen the Brain’s Map of the Body

Identify left vs. right

Rolling

Imagine the movement

Move with intention

A walk will make my back feel better.

Scooting

Reaching




Lesson 6: SMART GoalsAs you set goals, assess whether each one fits the SMART criteria (below). Each week you’ll set new goals to develop skills to manage your pain and feel better.

S SpecificWhat do you want to accomplish? Specify what, when, with whom, and how often.

M Measurable How will you measure your progress toward your goal?

A AchievableIs your goal realistic? Do you have what you need to meet it? Think about your time, health, finances, etc.

R RelevantIs your goal meaningful and important to you? Is it in line with your values?

T Time-bound Set the time period for meeting your goal.

Week 6

Mind and Body GoalsThis week’s goal ties in with this value: .

This week I will (what)

(how much) (with whom)

(when) (how often).

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

MY CONFIDENCE LEVEL (1 = not at all confident, 10 = very confident)

Movement/Exercise GoalsThis week I will (what)

(how much) (with whom)

(when) (how often).

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

MY CONFIDENCE LEVEL (1 = not at all confident, 10 = very confident)

Documents

Lesson 6: Communication - Thrive · 2020. 5. 15. · 38 Managing Your Pain Participant Workbook 2020 aiser ermanente, orthern alifornia. Th ermanent Medica roup nc l ight eserved