Knope Vs. Knope

Knope vs. Knope

Alternate S6 E1

Written by

Preetom Bhattacherjea

Preetom Bhattacherjea

Phone: 732-616-1886

E-mail: [email protected] Spec Script 5/30/14

COLD OPEN

INT. RON’S OFFICE - DAY 1

APRIL walks into the office and stands by the doorway

silently. RON is sitting at his desk.

RON

Can I help you?

APRIL

I’ve gotten like 100 calls today about

the raccoon problem, apparently it’s

out of control again or something.

RON

Firstly, there’s no such thing as a

raccoon problem, they are very proud

and ruthless beings.

RON TALKING HEAD

RON

We had a raccoon engraved onto my

father’s tombstone to commemorate the

one that had bitten his throat while

he was asleep. It was his last wish.

INT. RON’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1

RON

Secondly, this sounds like a job for

the new Deputy Director of Animal

Control.

APRIL

I think this might be serious, people

are calling and threatening legal

action after I hang up on them.

RON

Better hop-skip to it then.

PARKS AND RECREATION “Knope vs. Knope” 1. Spec Script 01/20/2014

APRIL

What am I even supposed to do? Chris

fired the whole department. Can’t you

just kill them and make birdhouses out

of them or something?

RON

Why yes, yes I can. But then what

would you be doing?

APRIL

Selling the birdhouses for way more

than they’re worth to stupid people

that have nothing better to do with

their money. And sharing the profits

with you.

RON

Nice try. We have the Animal Control

budget to work with now, you can just

hire a new team.

APRIL

(Walking out of office)

I didn’t ask for this!

INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1

April walks through the office and grabs ANDY’S arm.

APRIL

Come on Andy, we have some jerks to

find.

ANDY

Do.. Do you want me to fight them?

APRIL

Yes.

END OF COLD OPEN


ACT ONE

INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE - LATER - D1

LESLIE is in front of the department members next to an easel

displaying pictures of pizza and cats.

LESLIE

So when a Pawnee citizen loses a set

amount of weight, they get a furry

little friend of their very own. I

call it the “Calories For Cats”

program.

DONNA

Why on Earth would you want to do

that?

JERRY

Leslie, I don’t know if this is the

best idea.

TOM

It sounds like a program to make cats

fatter.

LESLIE

(embarrassed)

Crazy old Mrs. Reavermeyer’s son is

putting her in a home and we have to

do something with her 47 cats.

Ron steps into the doorway of his office.

RON

Leslie, may I see you for a moment?

LESLIE

Absolutely, I will be right there.

(speaking to the others)

This conversation isn’t over.


(MORE)

Tom, get up there and go through my

presentation again.

INT. RON’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1

Leslie enters and Ron sits down behind his desk.

RON

You must be wondering why I asked you

into my office.

LESLIE

Well, Ron, we have been working

together for quite a while, so it’s

not that strange.

RON

Fair enough. I spoke with Diane and

she informed me of some trouble she

was having getting new computers for

Pawnee Middle School.

LESLIE

Oh, geez. Is everything alright? Is

Diane alright? Does she need any type

of psychiatric care?

RON

Diane is fine, she can hold her own.

Just wanted to give you a heads up.

LESLIE

My mom must have some valid reason.

I’ll get to the bottom of it.

RON

I think that would be prudent.

INT. BUSINESS OFFICE - WAITING ROOM - LATER - D1

Tom, JEAN-RALPHIO, and SECRETARY are standing by the door of

the waiting room.


LESLIE (CONT'D)

SECRETARY

Please have a seat, somebody will be

with you shortly.

TOM AND JEAN-RALPHIO TALKING HEAD

TOM

Me and Jean-Ralphio both got anonymous

letters in the mail talking about how

much they like our previous ventures.

JEAN-RALPHIO

Snakehole Lounge

TOM

Home run.

JEAN-RALPHIO

Entertainment 720 - Slam dunk.

TOM

Rent-a-Swag

JEAN-RALPHIO

Mm.. still open I assume, I stopped

paying attention to that one very

quickly.

TOM

It’s still open. Your sister works

there and you visit all the time.

JEAN-RALPHIO

Either way, somebody loves the way we

handle ourselves, and why wouldn’t

they? So here we are, ready to get

praise showered on us by some

beautiful vixen.

Tom looks at Jean-Ralphio disapprovingly.



TOM

Listen, I know that your plan as of

right now is to marry rich, but that’s

not why we’re here.

JEAN-RALPHIO

It’s totally cool. If it’s not some

sweet angel ready to kiss that halo

goodbye, I’m definitely game to get

his daughter’s tum-tum baby bumped.

TOM

That’s not what I meant. We’re here

because meeting a successful

entrepreneur might change everything.

You might even get some direction in

your life.

JEAN-RALPHIO

Aww, T, that’s so sweet. Now I feel

like a total dick. Tell you what, me

and mystery lady are gonna name our

first kid Tom. Cause that’s what you

mean to me.

EXT. PAWNEE JAIL - LATER - D1

April and Andy are standing outside the gates of the jail.

ANDY

Babe, you know I think you have the

best ideas of all time, of anyone I

know. But this one kinda sucks big

time.

APRIL

I need you to just be supportive right

now, Andy. Look, someone’s coming.


A very scary looking EX-INMATE walks out of the gates.

APRIL (CONT'D)

Hey. What were you in for?

EX-INMATE

Neighbor’s cat wouldn’t stop clawing

at my front door. So I ate it.

ANDY

That’s perfect! Honey, this gentleman

already has experience with animal

removal. And he really thinks outside

the box. We work over at...

April turns her head and glares at Andy with wide eyes.

ANDY (CONT'D)

...At the ice cream store. Come on

down, free scoop for ex-convicts.

EX-INMATE

Don’t worry, you’ll be seeing me.

The Ex-inmate stares at them for a beat before walking away.

ANDY

No good? That was the best candidate

we’ve seen all day.

APRIL

I’m starting to think Pawnee Jail

isn’t the place to find who we’re

looking for, even though that makes no

sense at all.

Andy hugs April.

ANDY

I’m sorry, I know how you feel about

jails.


APRIL

(upset)

They’re just so cool.

INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - LATER - D1

DIANE comes to meet Leslie in the hallway.

DIANE

Hey Leslie, I wasn’t expecting to see

you here today.

LESLIE

Yeah, I was just in the area, thought

I’d check out the old stomping

grounds, y’know.

DIANE

Interesting. This wouldn’t have

anything to do with the computer issue

I spoke to Ron about, would it?

LESLIE

No, no, no. Nope. But while I’m here,

it wouldn’t hurt to take a quick look,

right?

DIANE

Of course not, follow me.

INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - COMPUTER LAB - LATER - D1

Leslie and Diane walk into an empty computer lab. All the

computers are from the 1980’s.

DIANE

Well, here we are.

LESLIE

Oh my goodness, I had no idea things

were this bad.


(MORE)

These are the same computers as when I

went to Pawnee Middle.

DIANE

So you see my problem, then. And for

some reason, every time I request to

get them updated, the response is

“We’ll replace them when they can’t

turn on.”

LESLIE

Man, they must have made some sturdy

computers back then.

LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIE

I used to sit right in one of those

chairs behind me, learning how to

type, playing Oregon Trail, getting

dysentery. Not in the game, I actually

had dysentery once in middle school. A

month later when I thought it was

happening again, and it turned out I

was just getting my period for the

first time, I couldn’t have been

happier.

INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - COMPUTER LAB - LATER - D1

LESLIE

I can’t believe these computers

haven’t been swapped out in almost 30

years. They were dangerous even back

then. Walk by and graze a monitor and

you’d get a huge scrape from one of

these bad boys.

Leslie slides her hand on a monitor and freezes completely as

her hand hits an edge.


LESLIE (CONT'D)

DIANE

Leslie, are you okay?

LESLIE

I just cut my hand. Bad.

DIANE

Oh no, let’s get you down to the

nurse.

LESLIE

This brings back so many memories.


Secretary is standing, waiting outside of an office door.

SECRETARY

Please, come on in.

Secretary opens the door to the office and the three enter.

Behind a desk, a chair is facing backwards. It spins around

and DENNIS FEINSTEIN (local entrepreneur) is revealed.

DENNIS

Gentlemen.

TOM

Dennis Feinstein? You’ve been crapping

on all my ideas for years and now

you’re interested in us all of a

sudden?

DENNIS

Guilty. Well, it’s a pleasure to

finally meet you.

TOM

We have met, at least 3 times now. I’m

Tom Haverford.


DENNIS

Listen, do you know how many Toms I

meet on a daily basis? Usually between

0 and 2. Trust me, it adds up.

TOM

What are you doing here in this

building?

DENNIS

Oh, I just rent this office strictly

for when I want to surprise people

with my chair-swivel move.

JEAN-RALPHIO

I’m not going to lie to you, I respect

that.

DENNIS

See, your friend knows what’s up.

Listen, Tom. Tommy Fresh.

TOM

Wait, why’d you call me Tommy Fresh?

DENNIS

Just popped into my head. Not

important. What is important, is that

I like the projects you have going on,

especially Rent-A-Swag. I think it can

do big things.

TOM

I agree, and that’s why I don’t want

to sell it.

DENNIS

Listen guy, you have a good idea, and

it has potential. But you’re not going

to be able to bring it where it needs

to go on your own.


(MORE)

How about you sell me Rent-A-Swag, I

keep you both on as employees of mine,

my right hand men, and I’ll show you

the ropes?

TOM

Hmm, that does sound like a pretty

good deal.

JEAN-RALPHIO

Feinstizzle, I noticed you don’t have

a single pic of the fam on your desk.

We need to know who we’re dealing

with. You Married? Got any kids?

DENNIS

Divorced. But I do have a lovely

daughter, 17-years-old last month.

Jean-Ralphio looks as though he is going through an internal

struggle. Lets out his breath after a few moments.

JEAN-RALPHIO

Alright, that could work.

DENNIS

So we have a deal?

TOM

No, not yet. I’m going to need some

time to think it over.

DENNIS

Alright, but the clock is ticking. I

paid a doctor to let me perform one of

his surgeries today at 6PM. If I’m

late I’m going to miss some valuable

training time.


DENNIS (CONT'D)

INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE’S OFFICE - LATER - D1

Leslie walks into the office and sits across the desk from

MARLENE (Leslie’s mother).

MARLENE

Hello, sweetheart. You know I always

love when you visit, but I’m just

buried in paperwork right now.

LESLIE

Mom, I understand, but there’s

something that I need to talk to you

about.

MARLENE

What’s the matter?

LESLIE

I went down to Pawnee Middle today

when Ron told me how bad the computer

situation has gotten.

MARLENE

Why is Ron Swanson complaining to you

about one of the town’s schools?

LESLIE

The woman Ron is getting very serious

with is the principal there and she

showed me the school’s computer lab.

What’s going on at that school? Why

haven’t the computers been updated in

so long?

MARLENE

I think interfering in my affairs

should really be on the bottom of your

list right now, especially with your

impending recall vote.


LESLIE

I just want to know the reason. You

have your own state of the art laptop

right here.

Leslie opens the laptop and presses the power button.

LESLIE (CONT'D)

Why isn’t this turning on?

MARLENE

There’s no charger, and I never saw

the need to ask for one. I keep the

laptop on my desk mainly for show.

LESLIE

Wow, I can’t remember you ever using a

computer. How is this possible?

MARLENE

I don’t like this judgement coming

from you, Leslie. Tell Ron Swanson’s

lady-friend that sending you over

isn’t going to change anyone’s mind.

Now like I said, I’m buried in

paperwork right now.

LESLIE

(getting up)

Yeah, well, maybe you wouldn’t be if

you learned how to use a computer.

MARLENE

(giving an annoyed look)

Leslie.

LESLIE

Sorry Mom, love you, bye.

Leslie quickly exits the room.


LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIE

This is something I never thought I’d

witness. Is my mother, Marlene Griggs-

Knope, the “Iron Cock Shredder of

Pawnee”, out of touch?

END OF ACT ONE


ACT TWO

INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE’S OFFICE - LATER - D1

Leslie enters Marlene’s office, in a chipper mood.

LESLIE

Hello again, Mom. I brought you a

present.

MARLENE

Did you now? What did you get me?

LESLIE

Here you go!

Leslie takes a bag from behind her back and removes a laptop

charger.

MARLENE

What is that?

LESLIE

I went down to the IT department and

got a charger for your laptop.

MARLENE

You didn’t have to do that.

LESLIE

Let’s just get this connected.

Leslie plugs the charger into the laptop and turns it on.

LESLIE (CONT'D)

Okay, let’s see. You have 76,532 E-

mails.

MARLENE

Jennifer prints out any important E-

mails and hands them to me, so don’t

worry about that.


LESLIE

Well now you can check your own E-

mails. And not waste 76,000 E-mails

worth of paper.

MARLENE

Yeah, we’ll see about that.

Marlene notices something poking out of Leslie’s bag, which

is laying on the desk. Marlene takes it out. It’s a CD-ROM of

Oregon Trail

MARLENE (CONT'D)

What’s this?

LESLIE

Oh... I picked it up while I was down

at IT.

Marlene takes the CD case and puts it into her desk drawer.

MARLENE

Thanks, I’ll take a look at it later.

Leslie looks at the camera, frustrated.


Ron, Donna, and Jerry are discussing Parks business. Andy and

April are off to the side.

ANDY

This just doesn’t make sense, isn’t

there supposed to be some kind of job

shortage?

APRIL

I have no idea why anyone wouldn’t

want to murder rabid raccoons for pay.

Most of the residents here already do

it for fun.


ANDY

I bet Chris regrets firing the old

Animal Control guys now.

April has a contemplative look on her face. Tom and Jean-

Ralphio enter.

TOM

Alright everyone, I’ve got some

exciting news. A certain multi-

millionare entrepreneur has offered to

allow Jean-Ralphio and myself to

become his protegees.

RON

Glad to hear it, may I ask who this

gentleman is?

TOM

Well it’s not Diddy or Jay-Z, but it’s

pretty close. It’s Pawnee’s own Dennis

Feinstein.

DONNA

Oh, Feinstein. Not bad, Tom. That

guy’s got some moves.

Donna begins daydreaming and nodding her head.

TOM

I assume you’re referring to his

business acumen?

DONNA

Let’s just say the man can pack a

year’s worth of passion into one

weekend.

JERRY

Who’s Dennis Feinstein?


Everyone looks at Jerry with looks of disgust. Tom continues,

ignoring Jerry’s question.

TOM

Not only is he taking us under his

wing, he’s offering enough for us to

make quite a bit of change on the Rent-

A-Swag investments.

RON

What would a business mogul of that

magnitude possibly want with an idiot

like your friend?

JEAN-RALPHIO

I recall a certain mustachioed fellow

coming pretty close to hiring me as

his personal assistant.

RON

That did not happen. Aside from that,

good work, Tom. Sounds like a great

deal.

TOM

Thanks, Ron. I appreciate your vote of

confidence.

RON

No problem, and now that you’re going

to be his right hand man, it’ll be

that much easier to take him down.

TOM

I don’t know if I want to do that.

RON

Think about it. You have time.


EXT. CITY HALL - LATER - D1

BEN, ANN, CHRIS, and Leslie are at a table having lunch.

CHRIS

I really hope you can straighten this

out, because if the state of these

computers is that poor, I don’t want

to have to get in between a mother,

her daughter, a colleague, and that

colleague’s girlfriend.

LESLIE

I really hope it doesn’t come down to

that too.

BEN

I’m sure you have nothing to worry

about, your mom is a smart woman.

ANN

Yeah, she’s been making a name for

herself for how many years now? And

I’m sure that doesn’t happen by making

bad choices.

LESLIE

Yeah, you’re right. I’m just worried

that she’ll get defensive, and I want

this to go as smoothly as possible.

Especially since it’s something Ron

asked me to help Diane out with.

Marlene walks over to Ben and Leslie.

MARLENE

Hello, you two.

BEN

Marlene, what a suprise.


MARLENE

How has my little girl’s handsome new

husband been treating her.

BEN

(nervous)

Good... I’ve been treating her well.

As well as I can. Things couldn’t be

better.

MARLENE

Anyway, Leslie, I’ve been giving what

you said some serious thought.

LESLIE

Well that’s great, Mom.

MARLENE

After you left, I decided to fiddle

around with that computer and I have

to say, as hard as it is for me, that

I can see your point. There’s a lot of

value to be gained by making an

update.

LESLIE

I’m so glad to hear you say that, you

don’t even know.

MARLENE

I’ll get everything sorted out. I have

to get back to my office, talk to you

soon.

Marlene exits.

LESLIE

Aww, wasn’t that sweet, Ben?


BEN

I told you there was nothing to worry

about, your mother is a professional.

LESLIE

I am so excited, I should head over

there tomorrow morning and let Diane

know in person. Who’s wants to come

with me and see where little Leslie

Knope broke 16 kids’ noses playing

dodgeball?

ANN

Well, me and Chris are moving in

together soon, as you all know, and we

have plans to pick up an armoire so I

don’t know if I..

LESLIE

Actually no, I did not know that.

CHRIS

Neither did I.

ANN

Sorry, I lied. The truth is I don’t

want to get involved in any way

because your mother scares me.

LESLIE

Oh come on, she’s not that bad. Plus,

there’s nothing to be worried about,

she said I was right, as I usually am.

ANN

I fear any interaction with her, even

positive ones.

LESLIE

Great, we’re getting over our fears

and you’re coming.


ANN

Oh, okay.

LESLIE

Chris?

CHRIS

I’ll have to take a rain check, I’m

being asked to give a police statement

regarding recent vicious raccoon

maulings.

LESLIE

You lucked out this time, Traeger.

BEN

I would personally love to see where

the famous dysentery story took place.

LESLIE

Perfect!

Leslie gets up from the table and walks away.

ANN

Wait, what?

INT. CITY HALL - LATER - D1

Tom is sitting on a bench calling Dennis Feinstein.

TOM

Hello, Mr. Feinstein, I’ve been

considering your offer.

DENNIS

Who the hell is this? I’m a little

busy right now.


TOM

This is Tom, Tom Haverford, we spoke

at length about my business just

today.

DENNIS

Ohhh, right, right.

TOM

Is it a bad time?

DENNIS

No, not at all, just scrubbing up.

TOM

Alright, well my answer is yes. I

would be glad to sell the company and

go into business with you.

DENNIS

That was a great, smart choice you

made. It may not seem like it but I

can be a little aggressive sometimes.

TOM

Is that so?

DENNIS

Yeah, I probably would have done

something pretty horrible to you if

you didn’t say yes.

TOM

That’s... Good to know.

DENNIS

(to somebody in the room)

Hey, I told you not to get started. I

didn’t give you all that money for you

to go and start making incisions

without me.


(MORE)

(to Tom)

Sorry about that. Stupid, dumb

doctors, man. Ruining the amateur

surgery industry.

TOM

That is disturbing.

DENNIS

I know, right?

TOM

We’ll be in touch.

INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - D2

Leslie and Ben are sitting in chairs by the entrance of the

school waiting as Diane approaches.

DIANE

Sorry to keep you waiting, I wasn’t

expecting you to come back so soon,

Leslie.

LESLIE

Well, Diane, I have some great news

for you. I spoke to my lovely mother,

Marlene Griggs-Knope, and she has

agreed to make updates to the

computers.

DIANE

That’s your mother, huh? I actually

just spoke with her yesterday

afternoon and she told me she would

have everything express shipped. It’s

all here, would you like to see it?

LESLIE

Wow, sure.


DENNIS (CONT'D)

Leslie, Ben, and Diane walk to Diane’s nearby office. Diane

pulls out 3 CD cases.

DIANE

3 copies of the 1996 release of Oregon

Trail. That’s what we got.

LESLIE

Oh, Diane, I am so sorry.

Leslie, Ben, and Diane walk back into the hallway.

LESLIE (CONT'D)

On the bright side you do have a newer

version of Oregon Trail for the kids

to play.

DIANE

The computers don’t even have CD-ROM

drives so we wouldn’t be able to

install it.

LESLIE

Shit.

A few children walk by and hear Leslie swear.

KID

Ooooh, she said a bad word.

DIANE

I know, don’t worry. I’ll be calling

her mommy.

END OF ACT TWO


ACT THREE

INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE BRIGGS KNOPE’S OFFICE - LATER - D2

Leslie rushes into Marlene’s office, starts to slam the door

and then ends up softly closing it.

LESLIE

Mom, when you said you were going to

make updates to the school, I did not

think you were going to do this.

MARLENE

What? I played that game like you

asked me to and gave the school all

new copies.

LESLIE

I didn’t ask you to play that game, it

wasn’t actually for you, and they

can’t even be played on the school’s

current computers!

MARLENE

Leslie, there’s one thing that you

haven’t considered yet.

LESLIE

Yes, and what might that be?

MARLENE

You forgot that I made you what you

are today. As great as you may be

doing in your career, you’re never

going to be in a position to tell me

how to do my job. The township’s

schools belong to me.


LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIE

No, I’m not going to cry. Why would I

cry? There’s no reason for that. It’s

just some good old fashioned mother-

daughter political ribbing. My eyes

were watering before I even went into

her office.


Leslie, Ron, and Diane walk into the office. April, Andy,

HARRIS, and BRETT (former animal control employees) are all

standing.

LESLIE

It did not go well in there, but I’m

going to do anything I can to fix

this. I’ve already filled my first

binder of...

Ron notices Harris and Brett in the office and interrupts

Leslie.

RON

What are these two doing here?

ANDY

April found the perfect replacements

for the Animal Control department.

APRIL

I know that these are the guys that

were fired already.

RON

Yes, and then they fled the scene

during their re-interviews because

they thought there were police in the

vicinity.


HARRIS

Wait, police? This isn’t like a sting

or anything, right?

APRIL

Stand down, Harris.

BRETT

I didn’t come here to get my ass

thrown in jail. I came here to ask

Leslie Knope out on a date.

LESLIE

Sorry, I’m married. And aren’t you

here to get your job back?

BRETT

Wait, we’re getting our jobs back?

HARRIS

Oh man, that is awesome.

RON

I’m starting to remember why Animal

Control was so terrible, and why I

wanted to punch these two.

APRIL

I know they’re both idiots.

LESLIE

Then what are they doing here?

APRIL

We’ve been looking for new hires all

day and we haven’t seen a single

person remotely qualified.


HARRIS

Hey, come on, we used to run a whole

department by ourselves. Could idiots

do what we did?

RON

Yes.

APRIL

And that’s my point. These two are

obviously very stupid people, and

that’s why they failed. They need

leadership, someone to tell them

things like ‘don’t get stoned and

pester the wildlife’, and I’ll be the

one to provide it.

HARRIS

Hey, we do not need some baby-sitter

on our backs telling us when and what

we can and can’t get high.

APRIL

Shut up and sit down or I’m banning

potato chips from the workplace.

BRETT

Whoa, whoa. We don’t want any trouble.

Harris and Brett both sit down quietly.

RON

Good work, April. I’ll be looking

forward to seeing what you can do with

these lumps of chemically saturated

clay.

APRIL

I won’t let you down, boss.


Harris and Dwight are sitting in chairs looking down at the

floor as Leslie, Ron, and Diane enter Ron’s office.

INT. RON’S OFFICE - LATER - D2

Leslie, Ron, and Diane are sitting in his office.

LESLIE

I just feel so bad about this guys,

Ron rarely asks me for anything, so I

just have to make things right with

this whole computer thing and my mom.

DIANE

Ron, you did what? You actually asked

Leslie for help with this?

RON

I didn’t specifically ask her for

help.

LESLIE

I thought you knew, why else would you

let me in to see your computer lab?

DIANE

Well, to be honest, Ron warned me that

you were kind of a busy-body before

you and I even met, no offense.

LESLIE

Well, maybe I’m a tiny bit busy-body.

DIANE

So I just figured that he told you

about the issue and you were just kind

of poking around.


LESLIE

I wasn’t just poking around, I was

going to talk to my mom and save your

school until she angrily reminded me

she taught me everything I know.

DIANE

I appreciate your help, but I’m going

to go fix this right now. Ron, you

don’t need to ask your friends to help

me with anything in the future.

Leslie, apologize to your mother

later.

LESLIE AND RON

Yes, ma’am.

INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE BRIGGS KNOPE’S OFFICE - LATER - D2

Leslie enters her office.

MARLENE

Before you start playing slideshows

and handing me binders filled with

spreadsheets or knitting me sweaters

with computers on them, I want to

apologize.

LESLIE

You want to apologize to me?

MARLENE

Yes, I’m very proud of what you’ve

been able to accomplish, and, frankly,

most of that was without my help. I

shouldn’t have said what I did.

LESLIE

Aww, thanks Mom. How did everything

with Diane go?


MARLENE

She’s a smart woman. We’re going to

make some actual upgrades to the

computers this time. Real ones.

LESLIE

That’s great!

MARLENE

Next year. We’ll make some room in the

budget.

LESLIE

Well I guess that’s better than

nothing. Mom, I want to apologize too,

I should have known you’d be able to

handle things on your own.

MARLENE

Don’t apologize. I wouldn’t have

agreed to it if you hadn’t spoken to

me about it. You usually know what

you’re talking about. If kids need

shiny new computers with rounded

edges, so be it.

LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIE

So it all worked out, more or less. My

lovely mother still doesn’t understand

how new technology can help a school,

but as long... I wonder what else she

hasn’t been updating. I should go

check if the buses have seat belts.

END OF ACT THREE


TAG


Tom is sitting on a desk talking to Harris and Brett.

TOM

Everything was just finalized today,

everyone that invested made a buttload

of cash.

HARRIS

How much of a buttload are we talking?

TOM

They tripled what they put in. Stick

with me, kid.

Tom’s phone rings, he picks up.

TOM (CONT'D)

Dennis, what’s happening?

DENNIS

(panting)

Things did not go as well with the

surgery as you’d think they would. You

might not be able to reach me for the

next week or so.

Dennis hangs up.

HARRIS

That was the coolest phone call I’ve

ever heard.

END OF SHOW


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Knope Vs. Knope