8/3/2019 Kenyon Collegiate Issue 4.2
4/4
C OLLEGIATE S TAFF
Due to a lapse in security, the Registrars Office leaked some of
the proposed senior theses by acci-dentally BCCing e Collegiate on
an email with a considerable number of proposals enclosed inan
attachment. e Collegiate felt it would be remiss to ignore such a
hot tip. Below are some of our favorite proposals:A famous starlets
four es-tranged sons must solve themystery of her death on anisland
prison in Bergmen of Alcatraz, the honors thesis of creative
writing concentratorHalle Kelleg 12.A clairvoyant vampire
withmultiple personalities mustoutwit the toughest enemy hesever
faced himself! Watchthe exsanguinated protagonistbumble his way
through cun-ning traps of his own devising
in senior drama major ColinGrembys senior thesis, MyHel-sing,
MySelf .In Oswald That Endswald , se-nior Claire Hermans
specu-lative ction nal project, apresidential assassins
great-great-granddaughter tries to
nd evidence capable of clear-ing her ancestors name
while dealing with her slackerex and her dead end job at
thePeebles of 2045 AD.An unnamed research proj-ect by religious
studies majorRandolph Dulz 12 concludesthat by taking the rst
letterof the rst word of every book
of Deuteronomy you canHelp, Im Trapped In Agina Factory.A
psychology study by Utica 12 tests the e ectelling a man hes been
for 500 years and must nohis six clone sons who livmilitarized
Aleutian islanare threatening to destro
world with a hijacked n warhead.Senior Damien Presslys lation of
Der Junge unUnregelmige Hosen, oBoy and the Irregular Troua
cautionary tale originatFrankfurt circa 1603, teHandel, a young
pants mapprentice who, in an e oimpress his father, worthrough the
night to marush order of a thousand However, all his pants a
regularly shaped and his in a rage, cuts both his tho with a
pair of shears.A dissertation by econmajor Mallory Sorkin 1
vocates a mixed sectoromy and the myriad bethereof, tentatively
titlednyes Ya Dig It? ad Gussman, Neandethe thesis of
anthropology
jor Jordan Levitt 12, argusimply by continuing to exfreshman
year roommateGussman single-handedlybunks both the theory of tion
and the idea of a kind,nal God with intelligent de
e Prof: Charles Lampe e Hometown : Hanover, NH. e Campus Spot:
Byrne Hall e Motto : Go Big Green! e Quote : Kenyon seems like a
very nice place to go to college. Itreminds me a lot of
Dartmouth.
