Humanists UK

Naming Celebrant Training

Sample naming scripts

Humanists UK

39 Moreland Street, London EC1V 8BB | 020 7324 3060

namings@humanism.org.uk

www.humanism.org.uk

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Table of contents A naming ceremony with lots of guide parents 3

Second child - same celebrant 9

A ceremony for twin baby girls 19

A naming with a humanist flavour 27

Acknowledgements Humanists UK wishes to thank the following celebrants for so generously giving their time and sharing their scripts: Sophie Colligan, Ian Willox, Elizabeth Donnelly and Christine Berrisford.

Notes In each of these scripts is a bespoke-written ceremony. They will give you ideas for structuring a ceremony and - most importantly - making it personal to the child(ren), parent(s) and the family situation. For ease of reading stage directions and other ‘working script’ features have been removed. The document has been formatted for double-sided, monochrome print.

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A naming ceremony with lots of guide parents Welcome to everyone on this important day - the day where we mark the arrival of a new life into this world, into this family and into this community: E’s naming ceremony. My name is Celebrant, and I’m delighted to be here.

S and M want you to know that they really appreciate you being here today, as life is all about family and friends to them. We’re here to mark this precious new life, we’re here to say E’s name together, to acknowledge the joint responsibility we all take when a community welcomes its youngest member, with special responsibility being given today to E’s guide parents - Names. S also wants to give a special mention to Names etc, although she also says the list of who she loves is endless! M especially wants to thank his mum, J, and dad, T, his Aunt and Uncle and his cousins. They would also like to say a special thank you to M’s beautiful daughter, T who we will hear from later on; and his lovely cousins for being so fantastic with E. As it’s so important to them both that you’re all here, M and S ask if you could add your finger print and your name to this tree picture later. The finished art piece will be a reminder of E’s special day today; he will be able to ask about it when he’s a bit older and see just how loved he is. S and M chose to have a humanist naming ceremony for E; it is important to them that he is free to make his own choices about what he believes when he’s older. Put simply, Humanism is a non-religious worldview that looks to science for evidence, celebrating the joys of what it means to be human while supporting each other through the challenges. Humanists believe that we have this one life only and therefore we should make the most of our precious time here. Parenting We can all agree that parenthood is a big, meaningful responsibility, and it means something different to everyone. I want to talk now about just what it means to E’s mum and dad. They have a gentle parenting style, and by that I mean that they want to let E explore and enjoy the world. For them it’s ‘roots and wings’: a stable foundation with independence; roots to come back to, wings to fly. They say they don’t want to load E with unfair expectations; the important thing is to instil him with confidence and self-esteem. M and S feel strongly that E should be label-free (well, as long as he’s a bit of a ‘leftie’, they added).

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S always knew that, for her, wanting to be a mum was never about having to start the journey with her own baby. It’s the whole package of being a parent for her, the work and responsibility she knows that lies ahead throughout E’s life. As a first time Mum, S says it is already the best job in the world, finding Mummyhood a complete joy, often totally astounded by the incredible love she feels. S says that M is the best dad; she knew this way before E came onto the scene, through seeing him with his daughter T whom he adores. She feels one hundred per cent supported by M in this. They work together as a team, with shared roles but also individual ones. At the moment, I’m told, this works out as S taking responsibility for everything that goes in E, while M deals with everything that comes out! T is a gorgeous big sister to E and he absolutely lights up whenever she enters the room; T dotes on him and is fantastic with him. M and S know that T is the best big sister E could wish for. M wrote to me after we’d had our planning meeting for today’s ceremony. He said he wanted me to know from his perspective just what an awesome Mum S is. I suggested we included his words as a nice little surprise for S today! This is what he wrote, word for word: [excluded for GDPR compliance] Our first reading has been written especially for this occasion by J.

Title of reading By J

[excluded]

About E So we know that E has the best start in life that a child can hope for: a stable and loving home. Let’s hear more about how he came into this world. E isn’t seen as a precious baby by his family alone. S had waited such a long time to carry a pregnancy to full term that E was also termed, medically, as ‘a precious pregnancy’. He was due on the first of Month last year but as you know, this is not the way it happened. E was too big and S had to be induced at 37 weeks. So E came into this world on the Day of Month. S was induced on the Sunday but E had other plans and arrived fashionably late on the Weekday, after an emergency C-section... with S meditating through most of it! E was born prematurely and was doing well at first; after a few days at home, however, he was rushed to intensive care, the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) where M and S stayed

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for nearly a week by his side. They tell me of E crawling across the SCBU tank to hear S’s voice: a true mother-baby bond. I also heard about the helicopter wee in that tank, and the epic Nappy Fail where his squidgy number two was fired round the entire tank! He had to be unhooked from all the wires whilst they bathed him and cleaned the incubator. The nurses there adored him, though, as they don’t often get babies big enough to cuddle in special care, and all was forgiven. E’s not had long in this world, 228 days to be precise! But in that time, he’s already shown his feistiness and his determination: he’s already trying to shuffle before crawling. S and M wonder if he’s going to bypass crawling altogether and just go straight to walking. On his first baby-led weaning, E just took the spoon straight away and fed himself. Apparently he also fed his eye and his nose... but everyone has to start somewhere! And that smile! E is full of smiles. He giggles and chunners, once even waking T up with the level of chatting going on. Guide Parents’ Promises We now come to the part of the ceremony where we hear why M and S have chosen Names as guide parents for E. They say: ‘[exluded].’ [Guide parent reads from a card] I promise to always be there for E through thick and thin, to share with him his smiles and laughter when times are good and to use all my means to guide and support him when they are not so good. Of A, S said this: ‘We chose A because …...’ [Guide parent reads from a card] E, I promise to be an ear to listen, a voice to advise and a pair of arms that will always have a hug waiting when it's needed and sometimes when it's not. And this is what they said about C: ‘We chose C because …..’ [Guide parent reads from a card] I promise to add chaos and fun to your life and to celebrate all your successes with you. I promise to always try and make you laugh and smile, and to have lots of fun with you. ‘We chose J because…..’ [Guide parent reads from a card] I promise to support E through any difficult times he may face growing up. I will advise and guide him with encouragement and care to ensure he maximises his opportunities in life.

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‘We chose T because ….’ [Guide parent reads from a card] I look forward to being part of E's life. I promise to use my experience of life to support you in all that you do, to inspire your imagination and help you to the best of my ability to fulfill your dreams. ‘We chose K because…..’ [Guide parent reads from a card] I promise to help E cope with these promises and everything else! Mum and Dad’s Promises These are the promises that M and S are making today to E. They have chosen to say one each and one together, representing both their individual and their joint roles as parents. M , Will you promise to praise and encourage E so he grows up to be a polite and considerate member of society, while leading a rich and fulfilling life himself? I will S, Will you promise to love and cherish E, to encourage him to explore the world, whilst always being there for him; to always be supportive and understanding, help him to build confidence and self-esteem, whilst encouraging him to reach the goals That he sets his mind to? I will Will you both seek to build a fun and happy family home, showing E and each other the love, kindness, respect and understanding that you yourselves would like to receive? We will Naming

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When he was on the inside, E was actually called Nickname and he still gets called that at times. In fact, M and S had also been considering the name D. E is an ancient name, Hebrew for ‘firm, strong and long-lived’. He’s made a good start in living up to this, determined to see himself through a rocky start to life when he was in hospital. He is E J after M’s brother-in-law - a role model for E (and M), someone who is generous of spirit. His full name E J Smith is his own; it is his identity; it will be said over and over in his life by all those who are a part of it, whether they are close or just associates. So, I ask you all now to join together in naming E on this special day. We name this child E J Smith And welcome him to our family!

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Second child - same celebrant Welcome Good afternoon everybody. Welcome to the naming ceremony of A and B’s new daughter. Introduction I suspect that at least some of you will remember me from E’s Naming two years ago. My name is Ian Willox. I’m a celebrant for Humanists UK. B and A want a non-religious naming for their daughter. That doesn’t mean anti-religious. This is a ceremony for everybody – including those with a religious faith. To set the tone let’s start with a nursery rhyme. B and A will lead the way:

Song Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full! One for the master, One for the dame,

And one for the little boy Who lives down the lane

Baa Baa Pink Sheep, have you any spots?

Yes sir, yes sir, lots and lots, Some on my fingers,

Some on my toes, And some on the end of

My little pink nose. Thank you. Thoughts on children The purpose of today’s ceremony is to formally introduce and welcome this new child to her family. Not just her immediate family but also to a wider family and to friends. A community. A network. A support – both for her and for A and B. A larger family that will allow her to thrive, to grow, to develop into herself. So we’re trying to create and to demonstrate a bond between all of you and this small child. But before we embark on this child’s story, a chance to hear from her parents. Starting with B: B: She Belongs To Me by B Dylan She's got everything she needs, she's an artist She don't look back She's got everything she needs, she's an artist She don't look back She can take the dark out of the nighttime

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And paint the daytime black You will start out standing Proud to steal her anything she sees You will start out standing Proud to steal her anything she sees But you'll wind up peeking through her keyhole Down upon your knees She never stumbles, she's got no place to fall She never stumbles, she's got no place to fall She's nobody's child, the Law can't touch her at all She wears an Egyptian ring that sparkles before she speaks She wears an Egyptian ring that sparkles before she speaks She's a hypnotist collector, you are a walking antique. Bow down to her on Sunday Salute her when her birthday comes Bow down to her on Sunday Salute her when her birthday comes For Halloween give her a trumpet And for Christmas, buy her a drum encourage applause A: Love You More by James Carter Do I love you To the moon and back? No I love you more than that I love you to desert sands the mountains, stars the planets and I love you to the deepest sea and deeper still through history Before beyond I love you then I love you now I’ll love you when The sun’s gone out The moon’s gone home and all the stars are fully grown When I no longer say these words I’ll give them to the wind, the birds so that they will still be heard I love you Thank you A and B.

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The story Those of you who were at E’s naming may remember me promising you that the next ceremony would be A and B’s wedding here. Eclipsed by events I’m afraid. This is how it happened. It started so well. A and B had their official wedding ceremony – just a small group of about a dozen close family - in the X Place. The next month was a family holiday. A noticed a heightened sense of smell. And was hit by a sick bug. Which prompted memories – and a pregnancy test. That was no sick bug. The big wedding plans were put on ice. The wedding dress in mothballs. And A, B and E prepared to become a family of four. E seemed to take the idea of a sibling in her stride. As A’s bump grew, she pronounced her first word: “Babee!” There were practical preparations. And symbolic ones. A had a Birth Blessing with some close friends. Who took turns to paint the tree of life on A’s bump – with B adding a garnish of glitter. Then they all tied their wrists together with red thread to symbolise their support for A during the birth of the baby. Midwives L and M attended E’s Naming two years ago. L wrote on that occasion that she was “…[exluded].” Legislation had changed since E’s heroic birth. Officially this birth had to be unassisted. Midwife L took herself off the Register so that she could be there to support A as a Birthfriend and her beautiful account of the birth is on the table for you to read if you are interested. M attended around the birth as a midwife and both were total fairy birthmothers. And they’re both here today. A and B want to show their utmost gratitude for your immense skill and for all the love and care you showered them all with. A & B to present flowers/presents to L and M L and M were by no means A’s only support. X not only got to know every inch of the canal path during her daily walks with E, to get her off to sleep for her nap, but she also slept on the floor for a week waiting to jump into action for E entertainment during the Birth. Thankfully E slept through most of the birth and woke in time to have a bowl of porridge and share some milk with her new sister. X hours labour in the same birthing pool, on the same kitchen floor, with the same limitless support, food offerings, hand squeezing, whispers of encouragement and love from B, plus a bowl of porridge for E, produced a sister for E.

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On Day Month Year A and B were officially a foursome. Or as A put it – the adventure of tandem nursing had begun. So let’s begin the process of Naming this adventure. Starting with A and B’s wishes and promises for their new daughter: Parent’s vows B: We want you to be happy. We want you to fill your heart with feelings of wonder and to be full of courage and hope. A: We want you to have the type of friendship that is a treasure - and the kind of love that is beautiful forever. We wish you contentment: the sweet, quiet, inner kind that comes around and never goes away. B: We want you to have hopes and have them all come true. We want you to have a real understanding of how unique and rare you truly are. A: We want to remind you that the sun may disappear for a while, but it never forgets to shine. May the words you listen to, say the things you need to hear. And may a cheerful face lovingly look back at you when you happen to glance in your mirror. B: We wish you the insight to see your inner and outer beauty. We wish you sweet dreams. A: We want you to have times when you feel like singing and dancing and laughing out loud. We want you to be able to make your good times better and your hard times easier to handle. B: We wish we could find a way to tell you - in untold ways - how important you are to us. A: Of all the things we’ll be wishing for, wherever you are and whatever you may do, there will never be a day in our lives when we won’t be wishing for the best… for you. A & B: As your Mummy and Daddy, we promise to love, cherish and nurture you throughout your life. We promise to comfort you when you are distressed and to help you feel loved and secure. A: We promise to support you and offer you guidance in the choices that you make throughout your life, enabling you to take your place in society as a kind and caring person.

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B: We will ensure that your home shall be a place in which kindness, honesty, mutual respect, and love prevail, where communication is encouraged and no subject is ever unspeakable. A: We will give you a wide variety of experiences so that you may find the things in life that make your heart sing. We promise to share with you our quest for spirit whilst encouraging you to seek your own path, and to support you in exploring places where you find the most peace and love. B: We will respect your dreams, simply because they are yours. We promise to love you, unconditionally, always and forever. Thank you A and B. Guideparent’s vows A and B have chosen eight guideparents for their second daughter. Here’s A’s introduction to them: A – a real bird of paradise, whether on a surfboard or at the helm of a school, A’s great friend from college. N – an inquisitive loving brainbox, one of A’s dearest University friends. E – a true free spirit and creative soul, A’s oldest friend. J – who sadly can’t get away from inspiring young minds in Place. E – a master of wood and acerbic wit, one of A’s oldest friends from school and university. A – an honourable, streetwise gentleman and soon-to-be father. J – A trusty, half Irish comrade and band brother to B. O – A loyal, grounded being and band brother to B Names, would you please stand for your promises. J: We promise to be your friends – to offer you love, support, comfort, and understanding and to respect your confidences, however great or small. O: We promise to love you – to reserve a special place in our hearts for you and to take an active interest in your development and wellbeing as you meet life’s challenges along the way.

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N: We promise to believe in you – to nurture your free spirit, to encourage your energy, self-belief and independence and to inspire your dreams and ambitions. E: We promise to make you laugh – to explore with you life’s lightness and support you through life’s darkness and to make you feel valued in every move you make. And do you all share in each of these promises? ALL: Yes we do Well done. Time for a poem from A: ‘Hope’ is the Thing with Feathers by Emily Dickinson ‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops – at all – And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard – And sore must be the storm – That could abash the little Bird That kept so many warm – I’ve heard it in the chillest land- And on the strangest Sea- Yet, never, in Extremity, It asked a crumb – of Me. Thank you A. Now a reading from E: E Maria Montessori, from Lecture 25 - Expansive Education, 22 November 1946 In the beginning, the child has an absorbent mind. As this mind grows more and more conscious, the absorbent mind is still there to give him happiness and satisfaction. This absorbent mind is like a psychological fairy tale. It is as though I went to another planet and saw happy people who became very cultivated without mental fatigue. I might ask them to show me their schools and universities, which must be very wonderful, judging by their level of culture and knowledge. They would tell me that there were none, that all they did was play and all this culture just came to them automatically. This would seem fantastic. This would seem wonderful. Mystics say that the minds of the angels are like this. But we actually do have people like this and they are children. Thank you E. O and J are going to complete the guideparents contributions with a rendition of Piglet’s Song from The Te of Piglet

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O: Let's find a Way today, that can take us to tomorrow. We'll follow that Way, A Way like flowing water. J: Let's leave behind, the things that do not matter. And we'll turn our lives, to a more important chapter. O: Let's take the time and try to find, what real life has to offer. And maybe then we'll find again, what we had long forgotten. Like a friend, true 'til the end, it will help us onward. J: The sun is high, the road is wide, and it starts where we are standing. No one knows how far it goes, for the road is never-ending. O: It goes away, beyond what we have thought of. It flows away, Away like flowing water. Piglet's Song by Benjamin Hoff, from The Te of Piglet Thank you J and O. You can all safely sit down now. Grandparent’s vows So we have had promises and readings from the Guideparents. We’ve had vows and wishes from A and B. Time for the grandparents – but sadly one fewer than at E’s Naming. We remember J, B’s father, E’s grandfather, who sadly died last year. A says “[excluded].” Names - would you please stand. Before you make your promises A and B want to thank you for your immeasurable love and support. A & B GIVE BASKETS OF FLOWERS

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T: [personal promise] G: [personal promise] C: [personal promise] Thank you Names. CHILDREN’S BLESSING: Now it’s the turn of big sister E to receive five gifts on behalf of her sister – the five elements that manifest in the human body, according to Chinese philosophy. You will have noticed the odd drum about the place. Now is nearly the time to use them. T – will you bring up your offering? T (10) brings fire Thank you T. Fire gives us the capacity to be warm and open and is associated with the season of summer. It gives us the capacity to love and to be loved. It enables us to mature and blossom and its function is to help us relate. Here we find our passion, our ability to feel joy in all our endeavours. Feeling emotionally protected by love we communicate with openness and honesty. K – would you bring up your gift? K (9) brings earth Thank you K. Earth gives us the capacity to receive and be satisfied and is associated with the season of late summer and a time of harvesting. This element gives us the ability to nurture ourselves and others. By feeling centred and grounded it enables us to understand ourselves and sympathise with others without losing our sense of self. J – what are you going to bring? J (7) brings metal Thank you J.

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Metal gives us the capacity to see the quality and value of life and is associated with the season of autumn. It gives us our sense of self-worth, a capacity to look at what lies beyond ourselves and the power to let go. H. Would you like to bring your special gift? H (5) brings water. Thank you H. Water gives the capacity to find our inner power and deepest sense of self. It is associated with the season of winter, a pause to regenerate and gather strength. Water gives us the power to adapt and the will and drive to fulfil the potential given to us at birth. birth. K, veux tu bien maintenant m’apporter la derniere offrande symbolique? K (1½ - French) brings wood Merci K. Wood represents our capacity to be born and grow and is associated with the season of spring; it rises up with vision and determination to realise the plan of growth and renewal. Wood gives us the structure and flexibility to create our lives with hope and optimism, overcoming obstacles and creating our path. Five gifts of life. Can we please have some applause and a drum flourish for Names! encourage applause Thank you everyone. Naming Which brings us neatly to the actual Naming. At last. I’m going to tell you the names A and B have chosen – and then we’ll name their daughter together. There are a lot of names. And it took A and B six weeks to come up with them. The first name is C. Not a common name these days. It means a filled heart – or in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition - a walking meditation. The second name is X. Life. Alive. And the name of G’s grandmother. The third name is X. Gift of the moon She is a full moon baby.

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The final name is X. Which means wisdom acquired through experience. So we have Full Names Or Names for short. So let’s name this child. Will you please say after me: We name you. C X X X A and B hold C up for everyone to see. May the long time sun shine upon your face. We welcome you to the community of life. We name you: C X X X. Welcome to your family. Welcome to the world. Thank you everyone. A and B are now going to toast their daughters – both of them - with a Quaich of champagne. Now is a good time for petals and lavender. C loves lavender. And for applause. And for drumming encourage applause and drumming as A and B toast C and E with champagne Closing words Well done everyone. Thank you for taking part in C’s Naming. Now it’s time to restore yourself. You’ve watched A and B’s champagne toast. Time find yourself a glass and fill it with bubbles. Help yourself to food on the table. Tea and coffee will be along in a minute. And while you are refreshing yourself, please don’t forget that there are tags over there for you to write your hopes and wishes for C on – to hang on the tree. Thank you all for coming. PARENTS AND GUIDEPARENTS SIGN CERTIFICATE

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A ceremony for twin baby girls

Introduction and Welcome

Good afternoon. My name is Elizabeth Donnelly and I am a Naming Celebrant accredited by Humanists UK. I'm one of a network of around 400 celebrants who work across the country with families to create and conduct personal, secular ceremonies such as this Naming.

Today, friends and family have gathered here with T and L to mark an important step in their lives and to celebrate the arrival of D and W with their friends and family.

It is also an opportunity formally to link W and D to their respective guideparents, M and K, and H and A, who will guide them through their future.

I would like to welcome L’s parents and the children’s Nanny and Grandpops, J and P, for whom D and W are their second and third granddaughters. I am also delighted to welcome L’s brothers, A and D.

From T’s family it is a pleasure to welcome his parents and the children’s Grandma and Grandad, L and J. D and W are also their second and third granddaughters. I am also delighted to welcome T’s brother R.

And we are also thinking of K, L’s mum, who is sadly no longer with us.

Following today’s ceremony, L and T would like everyone here to sign their name around the mount of D and W’s photographs for an everlasting memory of today. The photographs will then be framed and hung on their wall as a record of all those who helped to celebrate their Naming Day.

On Humanism

Humanism is the outcome of a long tradition of free thought that has inspired many of the world’s great thinkers and creative artists. It is a life-stance aiming at the maximum possible fulfilment through the cultivation of ethical and creative living and offers a rational means of addressing the challenges of our times. Humanism insists that personal liberty must be combined with social responsibility and supports democracy and human rights.

Put simply, humanism is about love, the love that T and L have for each other, the love they have for W, D, and L, the love of family and friends and the love of life itself. That love of life is the foundation of humanism – that this is the one life we have, so we should make the most of it. And a lovely way to do that is with children, to continue the journey through life and venture further than we can in a single lifetime. As Khalil Gibran said, ‘You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth’.

Part of the belief in the fundamental good of human beings is the desire to pass these values on to our children.

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And so, as they choose their own paths through the world, L and T want to teach D and W to follow the Humanists’ Golden Rule, to treat others as you want them to treat you in the same situation.

D and W’s Arrival

W and D were born very early in the morning on the Day Month Year, at Hospital, with D arriving at 1.07am weighing 5lb 15oz and W arriving 13 minutes later at 1.20am, weighing 5lb exactly.

L’s pregnancy began very well. She felt great and was cycling to work regularly, and it was only at the first scan that L and T had the shock of their lives when they were told they were expecting spontaneous identical twins. Naturally L’s response was borderline hysterical laughter. T merely said, “I need wine”. Coincidentally it was also their wedding anniversary and they went to the Restaurant for dinner to digest the news, where T downed three very large glasses of wine in celebration and shock.

Neither set of grandparents knew that L was pregnant, so later, when visited by T’s parents and they showed them the scan, saying, “it’s twins”, they were a bit bemused when T’s dad merely said, “That’s nice,” while one eye was on the cricket. “You’re not listening, Dad – it’s twins!”, and with that, their only response was “Wow!”.

L’s parents were equally surprised. After L and T showed them the scan, Pop-pops asked, “is it twins?”. “Yes, yes, it is!” they proudly declared. “What?! I was joking!”. L was excited and if asked what was in Mummy’s tummy would say “two babies”.

As with L, T and L didn’t want to know the sex of the babies until they were born, so they were referred to as M and K throughout L’s pregnancy. L, however, was insistent that L was having girls from the beginning. Despite T and L’s attempts to explain that the babies could be girls or boys, and L’s happy declarations that it’s nice to have brothers, L merely stated, “that’s nice, but I have sisters”.

It is advisable with a twin birth to induce labour at 36-37 weeks and L wanted the babies to have as much time to grow as possible.

However, a routine consultation discovered that L had pre-eclampsia. By this time, it was late evening and they had missed dinner, so T, ever resourceful, brought in McDonald’s. The following morning, they were advised that L would be induced within 24 hours, and so on Friday morning, L went into labour. As evening fell, they did try to have one baby each side of midnight so that they had different birthdays, but the girls were quite comfortable inside and took another hour to arrive.

L was delighted to see that D was a girl and thought how lovely that she had the girls she wanted and was able to spend time with them in the High Dependency Unit, where they were all taken to try and control her blood pressure.

At 8am, the girls were taken to the Special Care Baby Unit because they both had low blood sugar, and though it was an exciting time for T, he was split between visiting L in HDU, visiting the girls in SCBU and looking after L for a couple of days. L first saw her sisters on

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Date. The babies had bought her some Paw Patrol toys as a present and L gave W an elephant and D a teddy bear to welcome them to the family.

After a few days all was well and on Date, the babies and L were finally discharged from hospital.

Once she was out of hospital L went to pick up L from nursery, taking W and D with her. L was playing happily when her mum arrived, so L had to call, “L, L”, to get her attention. L did a double-take and then ran excitedly to L, delighted that the babies had also come to collect her.

We will now hear from L.

Two to Love

There's two to wash, there's two to dry, There's two who argue, there's two who cry. One's in the mud having a ball, The other holds a crayon, another Med wall. Some days seem endless, my patience grows thin. Why was I chosen to be a mother of twins?

The answer comes clear at the end of each day, As I tuck them in bed and to myself say, There's two to kiss, there's two to hug, And best of all, there's two to love!

On Sisterhood

Of course, D and W’s arrival means that L has acquired two baby sisters and the all-important status of big sister. Having insisted all along that L was having girls, L asked whether L thought she had sisters or brothers – “Sisters!” she said, “and mummy can hop now”.

With such excited anticipation of sisters, L is bound to be a great support to W and D, and though in years to come there will be fights over toys and attention, borrowing possessions, pocket money and time in the bathroom, I’m equally convinced that the three D sisters will be a tour de force – continents apart will not separate them.

L will now plant a shrub for each of her sisters.

On Parenthood

Parenthood is one of the most serious commitments we can make. It signifies a final move away from our own childhood and into a position of responsibility for the next generation. We give our children our love, care and protection.

And eventually we learn to let them go and hope that we have done our job well enough so that they can navigate the world alone, carrying with them our wishes for their success and happiness.

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Unsurprisingly becoming parents of twins has changed both T and L. Their sleep and bank balances are now much lighter, but equally they are delighted that they have three beautiful daughters with different personalities and a sense that their family is now complete.

On Children

We all have high hopes for our children – hopes that they will be happy, successful, fulfilled; but living their own dreams, and not ours.

Children are the source of great joy and happiness, and sometimes the cause of great anguish and despair. From the moment they come into our lives, to the moment that we are parted, children live in our hearts and minds and preoccupy our thoughts and actions. They are our future yet carry with them also the genetics and values of previous generations.

W, your parents tell me that are very inquisitive, very awake and alert, with plenty of smiles. You are a deep thinker, with the furrowed brow that comes with it, but you are very clued up on the world around you – a valuable talent to have for the future. And though you may be smaller than D, you are capable of holding your own and will not be ignored.

D, you parents tell me that you are so chilled you can sleep anywhere, even on your changing mat You are extremely tolerant of L’s love and happy to be with anyone. Generally, you are very relaxed about life and happy to go with the flow – qualities that will stand you in good stead in the world.

Who knows how far either of you will go or what you will do?

The important thing though, D and W, is that with the love and guidance of your parents, your big sister, L, your extended family and friends and your guideparents, you will find your own paths in life, and follow them with integrity.

Children learn from those around them, and families flourish when they are supported and loved. Everyone here this afternoon is much more than a passive spectator because your presence affirms your continuing support for this family, and for this T and L thank you.

We will now hear from T.

Hold My Hand Daddy by Ms Moem

Hold my hand Daddy And show me the way So that I can go out In the big world one day.

Teach me the basics And then let me learn. Should I ever get stuck I’ll know just where to turn.

Cheer me up Daddy When I’m feeling blue.

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I can always rely On a kind word from you.

Dry my tears Daddy When I’m feeling sad. Let me know it’s okay And I won’t feel so bad.

Show me the sunshine And then set me free To be the brilliant person That you raised me to be.

Guideparents’ Commitments

For D’s guideparents L and T have chosen H and A, and for W’s guideparents, T and L have chosen M and K. Please come up to the front.

M, you and Helen have been wonderful guideparents to L, even though you are not actually L’s guidefather, even allowing her to gate-crash the photograph of cutting your wedding cake. As a result, T and L have decided to make you official as W’s guidefather. You appreciate fine wine and Italian coffee and you already make W laugh.

K, you are a great mum to your own children and you are very thoughtful towards L. You are a wonderfully calm person and L and T very much want you to be involved in the children’s upbringing, plus you have already donated a lot of baby stuff. They hope W will be inspired by you.

H, you have been one of L’s best friends for a while and you are the Queen of multitasking.

You are the only person L knows who can rustle up a cottage pie in 15 minutes while feeding the baby and getting the boys ready. You are also selfless and very kind and a dedicated shopaholic. T and L want you to bring all of these qualities to D’s life. (But maybe not all the impulse buys!)

A, you’ve been one of T’s best friends from school and have known T a long time. Together with K, you are a wonderful friend. L and T want you to teach football to all the girls, and bring your love of Spurs, cricket, and eating out to D’s life. You can save the going out and drinking till she’s old enough.

I would now like to ask D’s guideparents to make their promises to her.

H

D, I promise to always be available to offer you love and understanding. I promise to be a constant in your life and make time for you in mine. I promise to help you follow your dreams and encourage you to be resilient, brave and kind.

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I promise to embrace you in my heart and the hearts of my family.

A

D, I promise to always be here for you. To listen to your problems and give advice when you need it. I promise to try and make you and your sisters laugh whenever possible, whether that be laughing with me or at me. I promise to encourage your parents to get a bigger TV. I promise that when the time is right I will introduce you to real food and not the stuff your dad makes. I promise to take you to your first football game to ensure you are on the right path in life. Lastly, I promise to teach you to not take life too seriously.

Self-respect, confidence and a positive attitude will get you far in life

and I promise to support you in any way I can.

I would now like to ask W’s guideparents to make their promises to her.

M

1. I promise to always listen first and then offer advice should you seek it. 2. I promise to be there to celebrate your successes and help overcome your challenges. 3. I promise to teach you about the world from a non-teacher perspective. 4. I promise to support you in any future endeavours to achieve your dreams. 5. I promise to listen to any advice you may give me. 6. I promise to always be a voice for you when you feel silenced – although there is no such thing as a quiet D. 7. I promise to make you laugh, smile and likely embarrass you. 8. I promise to treat you and your sisters as a part of the R family.

K

W, I promise to support you in all that you do, to inspire your imagination and to help you fulfil your dreams. I promise to be ready with encouragement and advice if and when it is sought. I promise that you can have first dibs on all of Sophie's clothes. As the second born, smaller twin – I promise I will regularly remind you of the story of The Tortoise and the Hare. I promise to offer you friendship and love without condition and guidance without judgement. I promise that when your daddy and Uncle A start to talk about politics, we'll go to a different room and do something more interesting (but that promise goes for your sisters too!). I promise to always be ready with an ear to listen when you want to talk, or just pair of arms to hug if you don't. I promise to help your parents when you and D decide to go in

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completely opposite directions, both literally as toddlers and metaphorically later in life.  

Parents’ Commitments

L and T, having been established on the learning curve of parenthood for some time, you have now stepped onto the much steeper learning curve of parenting twins, with double the joy, anxiety and chaos. It’s not easy being the parent of three, particularly when two arrive at once, and you have told me you wish to ensure that W and D grow up with their own sense of self, rather than being constantly grouped together. And though they are bound to have a close bond together, they are each an individual person, with their own needs and desires. Fortunately, you two also have a close bond and together you can withstand the difficulties ahead and enjoy the sweetnesses to come.

T and L hope that D and W grow up to be confident and strong young women, with high hopes for themselves as they shine in the world. They also want W and D to be compassionate and empathetic, and to be loved and valued.

Mostly though, they want the two of them to be happy, which reminds me of George Sand’s words: “There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved”.

L and T would now like to publicly make some commitments to D and W, in front of the people most important to them, their family and friends.

L and T

We promise to bring you up in a home filled with love, fun and discovery. We will love you and surround you with friends and family, and teach you the values of honesty, bravery and integrity. We will help you to become responsible, confident and caring; allow you the freedom to develop your talents, to think for yourself and to enjoy the world, to be happy and to live a full and satisfying life.

And now T and L and the guideparents will sign the Naming Certificates, and the photo frames while we listen to You’ll Be in My Heart by Phil Collins.

You’ll Be in My Heart, by Phil Collins

The Significance of the Names

It is now the part of the ceremony where W and D officially receive their names.

The United Nations' Convention on the Rights of the Child explicitly states that a child shall be entitled to a name. Our name is special. It makes us unique and individual and becomes part of our identity. A name, once given, will be associated forever with a face, a voice, a laugh, or a gesture.

Throughout L’s pregnancy, the babies were referred to as M and K, delicious, gender-neutral names in anticipation at meeting their new children. But however yummy these names are,

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they are hardly appropriate for the strong independent women these girls will one day become.

T and L chose D because they liked the name, and its meaning is dark, like the dark hair with which she was born. D’s second name, A, is also T’s Nan’s middle name, and the name of the great A L, considered to be the world’s first computer programmer and who was also the daughter of Lord Byron.

L swears that they chose W because it is a gorgeous kitchen tile they spotted in Shop. Perhaps knowing that the W is a beautiful tree with heart-shaped leaves that tremble in the slightest breeze may be a more appealing origin story. W’s second name is R, to give her something feminine and natural to add to her equally natural first name, and their midwife was also called R.

D and W’s surname D is of Scottish origin and arrived in Scotland with the Normans from a French place name meaning the willowlands. It is most commonly associated with aScottish king, and is a byword for perseverance. It should be noted however that the family name is thought to actually be a 17th Century Anglicisation of the Dutch name ‘B’.

Let us also remember that W and D are J’s on their mother’s side, and though they may not bear this name, it means either a badger’s home or the bank of a brook.

And so W and D’s names signify natural beauty, intelligence, perseverance and stability.

I would now invite you all to stand.

The Naming

And so, with joyfulness in our hearts let us together name these children We here today stand together to represent the world you grace with your presence. We welcome you, we smile on you and we name you

DAISY AVA BOYD

and

WILLOW ROSALYN BOYD

In a moment we will draw our ceremony to a close and everyone will be able to sign their name around the margin of W and D’s pictures. Before that, let me thank you on behalf of L and T for being here today to share in this welcome for D and W, for your good wishes and for taking part.

And I’m sure everyone would like me to thank you, T and L, for arranging today and bringing everyone together to share something so special.

And we all wish W and D a bright future, filled with happiness, and laughter and love.

It has been a privilege for me to share this occasion with you and I have enjoyed it very much. I hope you all enjoy the rest of the day’s celebrations.

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A naming with a humanist flavour

Good afternoon everyone, could I please have your attention.

It appears that C is ready! So if you could all gather round, we will begin.

Good afternoon and a warm welcome to C’s naming ceremony.

My name is Christine, I am a Celebrant from Humanists UK and I am delighted to have been invited to lead the ceremony, on behalf of J and L.

Humanism

The Humanist philosophy is a non-religious one, with a central belief based on the value of human beings, individually and collectively. It encourages objective, evidence-based thinking of the world around us. Humanism is about this one life we have and the idea that by focusing on the values of equality, tolerance, justice, rationalism, human welfare and happiness, we can achieve more as a society, and contribute to a positive legacy for all future generations, regardless of colour or creed. L and J have chosen a Humanist ceremony to celebrate the joy they feel at becoming a family. They feel it is important that C should view all people as equals and that be encouraged to make her own decisions and life choices (even if those choices differ from those of her parents!), and be responsible and accountable for those choices.

L and J hope that as an independent, free thinking human being, C will be in charge of her own destiny and that this will hopefully lead to a full and happy life; which, after all, is what all parents wish for their child!

Now, although it’s called a Naming ceremony, it is obvious that everyone here already knows C’s name!

What L and J really want to do is to formally mark C’s safe arrival into their lives and to celebrate with you, their extended circle of family and friends, the delight they feel at becoming parents.

Getting Here

When we met to plan today’s proceedings, L and J shared that they had let nature take its course towards starting a family, so the specific timing was something of an unknown.

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In Month of last year, L suspected she might be pregnant, and took a pregnancy test…it came back negative… she took one more, which again indicated that she was not pregnant!

Unconvinced and because she always knows best and can’t be told, L did a third and final test; this one capitulated and told her that she was in fact expecting.

The news saw them at the start of what they described as a ‘perfect storm’ of events: a decision to move from Place back to Place; renting a lovely flat on their return to Place in the City centre, that the landlord then put up for sale; the ensuing rather pressured search for a new home before the sale went through and once they’d finally found their new home, the huge task of packing up and moving.

This was typical ‘last minute M’ as many will be familiar with and which J promises he has now resigned to history given the unnecessary stress it caused and his new responsibilities in life.

L said that it really did feel like she’d just managed to unpack the final box before her waters broke and she had to head off to hospital!

Even then things continued to be rather dramatic, with a 35 hour labour, resulting in a caesarean and an extended stay in hospital whilst doctors tested Cameron for concerns that, to everyone’s huge relief, turned out to be unwarranted.

Now that C has joined this world L and J would like C’s Uncle C to make a reading, which places some context on this place she has joined.…

The Pale Blue Dot On September 5, 1977 (2.5 years after J’s birth and 2.5 years before L’s) NASA launched

Voyager 1, a tiny spacecraft on a mission to study the outer Solar System. The spacecraft, travelling at 40,000 miles per hour, is the farthest man-made object from

Earth and the first one to ever leave our Solar System. Operating for 37 years, 5 months and 28 days as of today (March 7th, 2015), it continues to receive routine commands and

transmits data back to Earth. When the spacecraft passed Saturn in 1980, the physicist Carl Sagan proposed the idea of taking one last picture of Earth. He pointed out that such a picture would not have had

much scientific value, as the Earth would appear too small for Voyager 's cameras to make out any detail, but it could be meaningful as a perspective on our place in the universe. 9 years later the idea was finally put into practice to give the following picture (the tiny

white dot is earth 3.7 billion miles away which is a vast distance to us but in cosmic terms no distance at all):

Sagan wrote of the image: From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of any particular interest. But for

us, it's different. Consider again that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being

who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and

economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother

and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt

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politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and triumph they could become the

momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some

other corner. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely

speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity – in all this vastness – there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known, so far, to harbour life. There is nowhere else, at least in

the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment, the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of

the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world.

To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.

Family and Friends

Following this rather hectic past year, L and J feel that they finally have time to pause; to breathe and to reflect on just how much love and support everyone here has shown for C and for them in their new role as parents.

Knowing that this extended circle of family and friends, will be there to encourage, guide and support C throughout her life, is hugely important to J and L and so today is also their opportunity to thank you all, not only for the gifts, letters, cards, keepsakes and good wishes received since C’s birth, but for everything you have and continue to do for them and for their daughter.

They are thrilled to have so many of the people they care for, here in their home together, to make today’s celebrations really special.

Before we turn our attention to the little lady of the hour, L and J have asked that M E make a reading and then C’s Auntie C read from a favourite book of C’s.

This first, well-known poem used to hang in a framed picture in the hall of the house in which J was raised. It is about modesty, free thinking and personal mastery, the core traits that L and J hope to instil in C.

It is an old poem, so for ‘man’ and ‘son’, please read ‘woman’ and ‘daughter’!

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If

By Rudyard Kipling If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a man, my Son!

The second reading is from a book that J and L received as a gift when C was born.

It touches L every time she reads it to C.

C’s Auntie C will read it now.

I Am Small The world is big and I am small The world is fast and I am small

The ocean is deep and I am small The mountains are steep and I am small

The wind is strong and I am small

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The winter is long and I am small The sky is high and I am small

The stars stretch far and I am small These things are big and long and deep and strong and high and far and steep

And I am small But you are big and you are kind.

When I’m with you, I do not mind. I may be small but I can see

the biggest thing to you is me. C

And so let’s take a few moments to focus on just who C is.

● Despite C’s tender age, L feels like she has known her daughter all her life ● J and L consider her to be rather a ‘cool chick’; smiley, fun and giggly, with a hair do

that will not be tamed! ● They think she is brave (or dopey), coping with all of her early tests with great

fortitude and no tears ● She has her Mum’s eyes, but her dad’s frown ● She has taught L that it is actually possible to start the day, not with a grump, but

with a smile ● She has taught her father perspective and patience – he continues to work on both ● C already loves a ‘blether’ and her little face lights up when people take the time to

have a chat with her ● And she is showing that she has tenacity, not giving up when she is trying new things

or mastering new skills ● She is happy, healthy and thriving and her Mum and Dad think she is a total joy

Parents’ Promises

J and L would now like to make their promises, as parents, to their daughter…

L

[Exluded]

J

[Excluded]

Naming

A name, once given, will be associated forever with a face, a voice, a walk, a laugh and all the other idiosyncrasies that make up a person and in the months since her birth you have all become familiar with C’s name. This name will be spoken, whispered, shouted, cried, sung and written thousands of times during her lifetime, by thousands of different people. It will come to define her identity.

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Today is an opportunity to celebrate C’s life and to formally mark her place in your family; recognising that you each have a part to play in her welfare and happiness.

The Welcome

[To C]: C R R M, you are an important part of this family and everyone here today loves and cares for you and wishes you a very happy life. [To the guests]: Would you all please repeat after me… C R R M … [repeat] We are your family [repeat] We welcome you into our lives [repeat] And we will love and care for you always [repeat] Closing

J and L, you have gathered your friends and family together to celebrate the arrival of your daughter, C, and to share the joy you feel in her addition to your family.

I would like to wish C a long and happy life and I’m sure that before you continue your party, everyone here would like to offer their good wishes for the future…

So would you all raise a glass if you have one or give a round of applause …

To C!

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