How to Grow Up Children to Be Good the Whole

NTS‐Individual Assignment Page 1 of 16 Lecturer: TEP SAMNANG

NEWTON THILAY SCHOOL

INDIVIDUAL ASSIGNMENT

NAME: KIEN FORCEFIDELE

LECTURER: TEP SAMNANG

Bring Children a Good Future


HOW TO GROW UP CHILDREN TO BE

GOOD

BOOK: TRUE COLORS 4

Academic Year: 2007-2008


Acknowledgement

I would like to express my sincere appreciation to my teacher TEP SAMNANG who assigned me and all of the students in the class to do this assignment so as to improve our general knowledge at parenting and writing skill as well.


Introduction

I organized this article so as to analyze about the factors which have effect to children’s growth and to find strategies in order to grow up children to be good citizens who can help develop the country to be the better one. Another purpose is because of nowadays there are many children who became spoiled not only the society, but also school and parents themselves. As the result, there are many children who drop out from schools, become beggars, and ask for money from the pedestrians along the street; moreover, some children can become criminals and do many bad things which are against the law of the country.


Summary There are many children in the world nowadays, and their characteristics are ex-actly not the same. Mostly, they are always influenced by the environment around them, their society, including parents, etc. In fact, there are three main points which influence to children’s growth to be either good or bad. For in-stance, If they live in the family whose parents are good, well-educated, they will end up becoming like them; moreover, it is the same in school and society as well. In contrast, if their parents are bad, their society and school are full of gangsters, so they will adopt that environment as well, such as behaving bad or becoming gangsters and so on. Thus, in order to grow up children to be good, we have to maintain these three factors first.

So as to grow up children to be good, we have to find the reasons that spoil children. First of all, in family, parents are the most essential people to child-ren’s growth, and their function is to grow them up to be good both education and morality. If parents don’t care much about childrearing, their children will become spoiled easily. And at school, there are friends and teachers. As far as I’m concerned, teachers at public schools always do corruption – for example, taking money from students during examinations; also, there are many gang-sters and bad students at school who cause a lot of trouble. In the society, there are the government, friends, televisions, etc. that can also spoil children. Then, we must find strategies to stop the bad points which cause children to be bad and improve the good ones, including taking care of children, stopping corrup-tion, etc. If we can solve all these problems, children will be grown up to be good and can help both their families and their country.


Contents Page

• Factors that affect to children 1

• Family Factor

o Different Childrearing between Asia and Europe 1

o Children Situation in Cambodia 2

o Not Allowing Daughters to go to School 2

o No corporation in Child‐raising 3

o Making Children do what Parents want 3

o Provide all demands 4

o Different Requirement in Family 4

o Parents as Role Models 5

o Not Enough Care from Parents 5

• School Factor 6

• Society Factor:

o Friends 7

o Government 7

o Television 8

• Strategies how to grow up children to be good 8

• Conclusion 9


How to Grow up Children to be Good

In the world, there are billions of people, including children, too. In order to grow up children to be good, there are three most essential factors; they are Family, School, and the last one is Society. In family, we focus vitally on par-ents because they are the most effective people to their children in childrearing, and in school there are teachers, friends. In the society, there are, furthermore, the government, televisions, etc. So, these three factors play important roles in children’s growth; they can make children become either good or bad. We can-not lack one of these three, or children will become spoiled easily.

1. Family Factor

European Family Asian Family (Cambodia)

Every country in the world always has different strategies in child-raising, such as countries in Asia and Europe. In Europe, parents let their children join every discussion between the old people, including policies, etc. They do this because they want their children to show their own opinions about those prob-lems. Moreover, children can gain more knowledge from the old people and know more about the society nowadays. On the contrary, Khmer parents try to keep their children stay away when old people are debating because they think that it is a rude behavior to interfere old people. Furthermore, they think that protesting with old people’s ideas is impolite, for their ideas are better than theirs. They think that they are older than them, so they know better than them. Nonetheless, their ideas aren’t right all the time. Also, when the children in Eu-ropean countries get to the age of eighteen, they have to go outside into the so-ciety and start to live their own lives without parents’ supporting like they are children anymore. In spite of that, parents in Asian countries try to keep their children stay at home even if they reach the age of twenty. Then, what is the problem? Their children won’t be able to make their own living standard in the society with their own money or their own capacity, and just depend on their parents’ property. What if one day their parents have problems with their jobs or company? What if their parents’ company bankrupts? They will become poor, no job, no money, and can be no house to live in. That is the disadvantage par-ents in Asia don’t concentrate on. Besides, parents in Asian countries often want


their children to realize their mistake by hitting or cursing them instead of ex-plaining them through the peaceful way. Different from Asian parents, parents in European countries have another way to make their children understand their mistake. They keep their children in their rooms in order to make them consider about what they did wrong by themselves. If they realize, they will remember their mistake forever and don’t try to do wrong again. Next time, there won’t be the same mistake happening again.

Street Children

Cambodia is one of the poorest countries in Indochina which locates in Southeast Asia. There are 11.4 million people in Cambodia, and 42.8% of the entire citizens are under the age of 15. 15.7% of the population lives in the city; moreover, 80% of them are above the poverty line. The GDP (Gross Domestic Product) in Cambodia is very low because money Khmer people can earn a year is only $286. If we talk about the education in Cambodia, it is at very low rate. There are only 14.4% of the citizens who study in secondary school. Further-more, many children drop out from school because of the poverty or family breakdown. The street-children in Cambodia increase from one day to another because they do not have any education or their parents passed away. Some-times, they can be beggars and ask pedestrians along the street for money so that they can buy food to fulfill their stomach. They can also become criminals and steal things from people, besides. Moreover, some children in rich families do not go to study. Instead, they always lie to their parents and pretend to go to school. When they are out of their parents’ sight, they go outside with some of their bad friends so as to play games or do other bad things in the society, such as using drugs, etc. Parents do not know what their children are doing until one day there is a call from a police station saying that their children involved in drug-using. They always believe their dishonest children.

Most of parents in our country don’t seem to concentrate on their children’s

future, and some parents don’t even allow their daughters to go to school. In-


stead, they make their daughters stay at home and do the housework, such as cooking, cleaning the house, doing the washing up, etc. It is because of the old tradition; old people have one aspect that when girls have good education, they can write love letters to their lovers. Accordingly, they do not want them to study. They don’t think about their daughters’ result in the future, they only think how to make them to be good housewives, not good citizens who can be very helpful to the country. In fact, we can apparently see that they won’t have enough knowledge to go to work outside in the society. Thus, there will be much difficult for them in the future. For instance, when they get divorce with their husbands, they won’t be able to find job to raise their children.

90% of parents in Cambodia don’t cooperate together in child-raising, espe-cially fathers. Most of them think that this responsibility is only for mothers, and their responsibility is to work and get money for the family. In fact, the people who are in charge of it are both father and mother. For example, in one family, the father doesn’t responsible for child-rearing, his children will think that they don’t get enough love in their family because they only get in touch better with their mother, not their father. Hence, the relation between children and father will be separated gradually. Moreover, sometimes children and father have an argument with each other because they do not know each other’s need and feeling. Besides, children will realize that their mother is friendlier to them than their father. They will, accordingly, ask their mother for everything they want instead of their father. If this still goes on, there will be trouble in the fu-ture. For instance, when their mother passes away, children will only have their father to live with. Nevertheless, their communication is at low level. Every-thing their father wants them to do or stop, they will not listen. Worse than that, if they do not listen to their father’s word, they can become spoiled easily by people in the society. Consequently, parents both father and mother must coope-rate together in childrearing, and they must not depend on each other.

Most of parents in Cambodia always make their children do what they want; they don’t care about their children’s feeling. Furthermore, they don’t give enough time for their children to express their own ideas about those decisions they made, they just want them to follow it because they think that it is right. For instance, some parents don’t permit their children to go outside with friends because they think that their children can be spoiled by people in the society. Moreover, they sometimes have arguments with their children about this prob-lem. Their idea is only half right. To solve this problem, parents should gather all members in the family to discuss the problem together. It shows that parents give their children chance or opportunity to speak out their own ideas about the problem. For example, parents should let their children express their own ideas about the reason why they have to go outside with their friends. If parents think that it is alright, so they can let their children go. But if it is not, parents will


have to explain about the reason why they do not let them go outside so as to make them perceive without any argument; don’t just order them. Furthermore, why don’t they think about the advantage for allowing their children to go out-side with their friends? In fact, everything always has its advantages and disad-vantages; it is just that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages or the advan-tages outweigh the disadvantages. Thus, allowing the children go outside is the same. Children can obtain many benefits if they go outside. They can know much more about the society these days, and they can also make more new friends, too. They can make communication with other people out there in the society, besides. Most importantly, they get experience. They will get used to the society, and they can know more by themselves about what good things they should do are and what things they shouldn’t do are. They won’t be afraid of meeting the strangers anymore, or we can say they are brave enough to live in the society alone. If parents always oppose every request their children ask for, they can turn out to be a liar and be dishonest to their parents so as to get what they want. Parents should not be too strict to their children, thus.

Some parents in Cambodia always give everything children ask for; they love their children too much. For example, a boy wanted to eat snacks and asked his mother for money, but the mother said, ‘No’. Then, that boy started crying loudly. So, his mother gave him the money to obsess them not to cry an-ymore. Furthermore, the child even cursed her badly when she denied his de-mand, and she merely laughed. She didn’t try to explain them their mistake. That is the most parents’ behavior in our country, because they are not well-educated and don’t know well about the morality. They think that they must provide them the money to buy it in order to keep them stop crying. That is completely a wrong idea. Parents should think more carefully about demands which children want. If it is essential, they should provide it to them. But if it is not, they shouldn’t even though they are crying.

Most of children have quarrel with their parents because they have different requirement. These days, children want to be modern. They don’t want them-selves to look like old-fashioned people, and they don’t want their friends to laugh at them as well. They are shy. Thus, they start to buy new clothes, phones, etc. to make themselves stylish, and they can get along easily with other people in the society. On the contrary, some parents do not want to be modern people because they think that it is foolish and also against the ancient tradition. There-fore, they do not like the appearance or the way their children looks, and they start criticizing or blaming them. After that, there will be an argument between parents and their own children. If the children listen to them, there will be no more problem. But if they don’t, they will reply back and forth. Some parents always keep their own idea about what they decided, so they won’t get others’ aspect. Then, children and parents don’t get along with each other very well,


and some children even run away from their house because of this. In order not to let this problem occur anymore in family life, parents and children have to absorb each other’s requirement, especially parents because they are older than their children; they must be more considerate than their children do. Parents should provide what children need, and children should do the favors parents want them to do, too. Thus, the entire problem will be solved apparently, and happiness will appear again in the family.

There are many parents who do not know that they are the most important model to their children. According to the research, after watching people’s speech or behavior, children start to imitate them; and the people who stay near them the most are their own parents. Thus, children always follow their parents’ speech and behavior. They do what their parents do. Consequently, if parents curse or be unfriendly to other people, their children will absorb that bad beha-vior and be consistent. Children in Cambodia, for example, know how to curse because they see their parents cursing each other or with their neighbors every day, and that behavior will stay in their brain forever. Accordingly, parents should be in good mood, try to be friendly, honesty, respect, generosity and do not curse each other in order not to make their children become spoiled. Parents, furthermore, should think of a saying, ‘A good model is better than a thousand words’.

Drug-Using Boy

Some children become bad because they do not get enough care or love from their parents. Their parents can be too busy to take care of them, so they can be encouraged easily by some of bad people in the society, such as their bad friends. Their bad friends can lie to them or cheat them to do something bad, in-cluding using drugs or stealing things, etc. Thus, parents should find spare time after work to listen and talk to their children about what was happening in their


children’s daily lives in spite of the fact that they are busy. And also, they can advise them about what the bad things are and what the good things to do in the society are. Moreover, parents should never say to their children that they are bad, for this attacks their feeling every much. Children will think that their par-ents start not to love them anymore or hate them. On the other hand, parents should share enough love to each of their children so as to make sure that their children are not envious each other. If it is so, there will be a sibling rivalry in the family; besides, children will not get along with each other very well in the family because all they want to do is to get their parents’ attention.

2. School Factor

Students at Khmer School

Teachers are people whom children meet almost every day, people who edu-cate students both theories in books and lives in the society. They are known as “Well-educated people” and “Second Parents”. So, teachers are also very effec-tive to children’s future. If they are good teachers who don’t only come to teach but also educate them about social life, children will become well-educated people who have high knowledge; also, the country will be developed because there are many human resources. In contrast, what if teachers are not the people I described above? In Cambodia, most of teachers are not like that. They just come to teach, but not come to educate. They do corruption in school, take money from students during exam and allow students to copy answers from books or copy each other. They don’t think about children’s future when they do that. In fact, how can they care? Because their salary is too little; they can’t even support their living standard. They can only earn around fifty dollars a month, so how can they support their family? They have to do corruption, and this corruption is becoming tradition for all of Khmer citizens because it stays in every corner of the society. Eventually, they are consistent to corruption. Their mind will be fulfilled of the word “corruption” all the time. If teachers do cor-ruption, children will be corrupted, too. They bribe their teacher since they were young, since they were at primary school. So, how can children become good people? It is impossible. Moreover, one day in the future, they can become gov-ernment workers or one powerful person in the government. So, they will do


corruption more and more like they did in childhood. How can we solve this problem?

3. Society Factor

In the whole society, there are many people who can influence to children’s growth, but we only talk about the most significant points which are friends, the government, and television:

• Friends

Children always have their friends in the society, for no one can live alone. Some friends are good and some are bad. Thus, if children associate with a group of gangsters, they will become gangsters, too. Who are gangsters? Gangsters are bad people who do not obey the law of the country and always do things which are against the law, including using drug, stealing, robbing, etc. They never ever do good things once. Instead, if they associate with learners, they will become learners. So, the government should try to find as many strat-egies as possible in order to eliminate all of gangsters in the society. Also, they must forbid every kind of drugs which import to Cambodia because they are not useful for anybody at all except illegal people who sell them. If the government can do it, gangsters in Khmer society will be decreased and the bamboo soot will grow again.

• Government

Another essential factor that affect to children’s growth is the government, the leader of the entire country, the people who arrange people’s living standard to be good. Why do I say like that? Imagine that one family’s living standard is below the poverty line, so how can parents find time to raise their children if they have to work for hours and hours to support their family? They cannot ab-solutely. Another example, if parents are poor, so children have no good clothes to wear and not enough materials to study like other rich students; furthermore, they must find jobs to do so as to support their family living standard even though they are just kids. At school, their teachers even blame them because they are late for class or don’t wear right student uniforms the school needs. Ac-tually, they can’t help it because they have to work to earn money; they can’t avoid being late. Their teachers don’t understand their living standard. If they get criticized all the time, they will feel embarrassed among other students and can even end up dropping out from school. Then, their whole future will be ruined. Thus, living standard is very important.

• Television

Television, which is known in short as TV, is also one kind of society factors that have effect to children. Some programs on television are the educa-tional ones, such as Quiz shows, etc., but most of them are not. They are just


useless programs like concerts, games, especially some violent movies that show about fighting actions and love movies. However, they also have one tiny advantage, for it can entertain us, and that’s all. Despite of that, they have sev-eral disadvantages. First of all, they teach children how to fight each other by watching film’s actions in fighting. After children watched them, they will ab-sorb that in their brain and try to imitate them like in those movies. Moreover, children also know how to love or kiss each other by watching those love mov-ies. Therefore, children can become spoiled easily by merely watching televi-sion.

On my point of view, I think that there are many problems which we need

to pay attention to in order to grow up children to be good. First of all, parents should think farther about their children’s future, so they will find the advantag-es if they let their children go to school. As the result, their children will have enough knowledge and qualification to find job in order to support their own living standard, and they can become a billionaire one day and help their family back. Moreover, they will become good citizens who can be very useful for the country because our human resources will be increased. Furthermore, parents should find leisure time to discuss with their children about life in the society. It doesn’t mean that they have to be with their children all the time, but they should advise them about what is good and what is bad in the society in order to prevent them from those problems, such as associating with bad friends or using drugs. Besides, parents should let their children participate in old people’s dis-cussion, or at least let them help joining ideas with them. If your children are wrong, it doesn’t mean that you must curse or hit them in order not to make them do it anymore, also. Instead, you can explain them politely about their own mistakes, so they can understand what they did wrong and try to avoid it in the future. Moreover, hitting the children is against the children’s right which said that Children must not be hurt by other people. Thus, explaining is the better way to make children perceive their wrong deed. Furthermore, parents should not provide their children everything when they are crying. They will realize that if they cry, they will get anything they want. So whenever they want some-thing, they just cry and cry until they achieve their demands. So, parents should ignore when they are crying. It is difficult at the first time, but parents will get used to it later. As the result, they will stop crying because they still get nothing. Parents must make sure that their children attend the class both at Khmer school and extra-time class, besides. They should check their children’s observation book every month in order to check their study result and make sure that their children are not absent from school. If their children get good grades at school, parents should give them reward like presents, etc. so as to encourage them to work harder. Parents should not look over this thing and don’t think that it is not important. In fact, every people need admiration from other people even if their work is not so good. So, parents should do that. Also, for the fields their child-


ren do not quite understand, parents should find time to teach them more if possible. If parents do all these things, they can also help their children at least 20% in their study, and another 80% depends on children themselves.

Secondly, it is for the government’s function in growing up children to be good citizens. The first most important thing is that the government must organ-ize again the education in public schools in order to get both quality and quanti-ty, but not quantity alone. At first, the government must increase teachers’ sala-ry from $50 per month to $200 per month which is the appropriate one. If the government can do that, teachers will no longer make corruption in school be-cause they get well-paid already. Then, students’ quality will be reinforced. Nonetheless, what if corruption has become tradition and can’t change anymore? However, we still get one more strategy. The government must reinforce the an-ti-corruption law. So, there will be no more corruption or at least less than be-fore. In addition, the government should find free markets for citizens so as to increase their living standard. Then, they will be able to prepare for their child-ren’s future. Besides, if possible, the government should find some experts in child-raising and send to teach parents both in cities and countryside so that parents can obtain more knowledge in childrearing and will help their children to get a bright future. In addition, the government should think further about violent or love movies on television because they can spoil children. The gov-ernment can put warnings like “Not for children under 18” before the movies are shown, or they should forbid some movies which effect to children, includ-ing vulgar movies, etc.

On the conclusion, family, school, and society are the most vital factors that can cause children to be either in the right way of life or the wrong one. We cannot lack one of these because if we can only control the family factors and the school factors but not society factors, then children can’t grow up to be good. They are all very important indeed. However, it is not easy to do this, but if both parents and government determine to do it, it is possible. Therefore, we have to try to raise children of Cambodia to be good citizens who can help not only their families, but also the whole country, like a Khmer proverb says, ‘Children reflect their parents; students reflect their teachers.’


Reference

Own opinions depending on self-knowledge and true facts in the society

Documents from “A Civil Society Forum for East and South East Asia on Promoting and Protecting the Rights of Street Children”

Some documents and pictures downloaded from Internet