Homework to Do Before Our 2 nd Class Read at least through page 41. However, we also encourage you...
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Homework to Do Before Our 2 nd Class •Read at least through page 41. However, we also encourage you to read ahead to get a start on understanding your parenting styles. •Be prepared to discuss these topics: 1. Talk about discussions you have had since the 1 st class with your spouse or others about the material you’ve been reading or learning in the 1 st Class. Were there any exciting revelations, epiphanies, or even disagreements. 2. Discuss the concepts of power, domination, authoritative, and authoritarian. How do these ideas relate to the parent-child relationship. 3. What causes you most to give into your child versus sticking to your original direction. 4. What are the negative outcomes of allowing your child to have too much power. 5. How much do you tend to reason with your child, respond to objections or questions, or otherwise verbally interact following giving him direction? 6. What are the indicators that you are giving your child too much power? 1
Homework to Do Before Our 2 nd Class Read at least through page 41. However, we also encourage you to read ahead to get a start on understanding your parenting
Homework to Do Before Our 2 nd Class Read at least through page
41. However, we also encourage you to read ahead to get a start on
understanding your parenting styles. Be prepared to discuss these
topics: 1.Talk about discussions you have had since the 1 st class
with your spouse or others about the material youve been reading or
learning in the 1 st Class. Were there any exciting revelations,
epiphanies, or even disagreements. 2.Discuss the concepts of power,
domination, authoritative, and authoritarian. How do these ideas
relate to the parent-child relationship. 3.What causes you most to
give into your child versus sticking to your original direction.
4.What are the negative outcomes of allowing your child to have too
much power. 5.How much do you tend to reason with your child,
respond to objections or questions, or otherwise verbally interact
following giving him direction? 6.What are the indicators that you
are giving your child too much power? 1
Slide 2
Strengthening Parental Leadership ABCs of the Parent-Child
Power Struggle Barry and Debbie Mattox Class 2 2
Slide 3
Discussion Have you had any epiphanies since our last parenting
class? 3
Slide 4
Who is the Most Power Person in the World to a child? to an
adolescent? to a teenager? Being a parent naturally gives you
power, including the power to determine what you will DO with your
power. This is true no matter how good or bad a parent you are.
Example: Rusty on the show Major Crimes Proverbs 17:6 Childrens
children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of
their children. 4
Slide 5
Discussion Discuss the differences between power and
domination/oppression. What is the difference between authoritative
and authoritarian? Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord. 5
Slide 6
How Do You Feel about the Power Hierarchy? How do you feel
about taking the place at the top of the family power hierarchy?
How does the way your parents used their power affect the way that
you think about your power? How does the way your spouse uses their
power affect the way that you think about your power? If you are a
grandparent, how does the way your grandchilds parents use their
power affect the way you think about your power? Proverbs 3:12
because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he
delights in. 6
Slide 7
God Gives You the Power to Do Good Biblical principles and this
book will help you to exercise your power in a loving manner that
leads to secure, respectful, and cooperative children with a bright
future. Do not react to examples of parental abuse of power by
abdicating your position of leadership and letting your child run
the show. Children almost never use inappropriate power well. Do
not make the mistake of being fearful to lead your child. You will
not lead perfectly, but the alternative is giving your leadership
power to your child, and that does not go well. Hebrews 12:8 If you
are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline) you are
illegitimate children and not true sons. 7
Slide 8
What You Are Up Against All children seek power in service to
what they think will give them immediate pleasure and
gratification. Children figure out what gives them power in other
words, what helps them to get their way. They figure out how they
can influence their environment, particularly the people in it.
Some children have strong power drives; others have more easy going
temperaments. At what age do children usually first realize that
they can influence what you do? Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your
parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 8
Slide 9
There Is a Natural Struggle Children NEED parental leadership
Parents are mature, equipped to use their power wisely Parents must
provide limits and boundaries You, the mature one, must lead, not
accommodate, your child Children RESIST parental leadership
Children dont use their inappropriate power well Children have a
drive to gain power/control and to test limits Your child will
resist baths, eating well, sleep, brushing, etc. Proverbs 23:24 The
father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise
son rejoices in him. 9
Slide 10
Discussion What are the negative outcomes of allowing your
child to have too much power? 10
Slide 11
One Result of Poor Parental Leadership 11
Slide 12
Giving a Child Inappropriate Power Harms Him The more power a
child has, the more he will push to get more Giving a child
inappropriate power derails his capacity for self-control, respect,
and cooperation. When a child is used to getting his way, his
energy is largely focused on that goal, and he has less energy and
focus for learning and maturing. This can show up in his potty
training, eating skills, sleeping habits. He is delayed in learning
to play well with other children and to obey adults. He will suffer
from fewer friends or mainly the wrong types of friends. His
inappropriate control is likely to cause family resentments and
conflicts. When kids RULE the family, they will RUIN the family.
Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the
one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. 12
Slide 13
Indicators of Inappropriate Power in the Child The more a
childs power dominates the relationship with his parent, the more
outrageous, and even destructive, his behaviors can be. Children
with too much power display these types of behaviors: Impulsive
Unruly Disorganized Anxious Fearful Proverbs 17:25 A foolish son
brings grief to his father and bitterness to the mother who bore
him. Angry Insecure Tantrums Whining Disobedient 13
Slide 14
What People Used to Call A Spoiled Kid 14
Slide 15
Discussion What typically causes you to give into your child
versus sticking to your original direction? 15
Slide 16
Worn-Out Parenting There is friction and discord in the home
with an Imbalance of Family Power (IFP). Because everyone is weary
and worn down, a path-of-least-resistance parenting style is
practiced and creates a vacuum of parental authority and standards.
Does this sound familiar in your home? Proverbs 29:17 Discipline
your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your
heart. 16
Slide 17
Even Great Parents Get Weary Sometimes 17
Slide 18
Two Primary Ways Children Refuse Direction The two primary ways
for children to refuse their parents agenda and assert their own
are the behaviors of... OPPOSITION and ANXIETY 18
Slide 19
Opposition Whining, crying, talking back, arguing Opposition
can tend to push our buttons and get us upset, frustrated, angry,
and generally not in the best frame of mind to lead. How do you
respond to opposition from your child? Any lack of firmness and
leadership in the face of opposition is perceived by the child as a
means of gaining influence and power. If an opposition tactic works
to achieve what the child wanted, he will certainly use it again.
Proverbs 29:15 A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child
left undisciplined disgraces its mother. 19
Slide 20
Anxiety You might think that a parent should rush to the aid of
their child at the first sign of fear, anxiety, worry, or other
distress. It is very natural for a parent to want to protect and
comfort their children. However, children key off our responses to
their anxieties. If we join them in their unfounded fears, etc., we
are confirming them. When parents are TOO REASSURING or SOLICITOUS
of their anxieties, their children perceive a means of gaining
influence and power for themselves. Heb 4:11 No discipline seems
pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a
harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained
by it. 20
Slide 21
What a Child Really Needs Children need to learn to rely on a
parents better judgment. How can this affect their childhood? How
will this affect them as adults? How will this affect them in their
faith? Children need to learn how to be content rather than to
demand life on their terms. How will this affect how well they do
in school? How will this affect a future job? How will this show up
in their marriage relationships? How will this affect their other
close relationships? Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he
should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. 21
Slide 22
We Want Them to Succeed in Life 22
Slide 23
Were Preparing Them for Adulthood 23
Slide 24
Discussion How much do you tend to reason with your child,
respond to objections or questions, or otherwise verbally interact
following giving him direction? 24
Slide 25
What Children Hear When You Keep Talking 25
Slide 26
The Problem with Talk The art of successful parenting and
establishing a healthy balance of family power is more about what
you DO than what you SAY. The power drive in children is modified
more by parental ACTION than by parental conversation. One of the
worst byproducts of talking too much is the mounting frustration
and the feeling of craziness that ensues when it yields so little
results. Proverbs 29:19 Servants cannot be corrected by mere words;
though they understand, they will not respond. 26
Slide 27
Appropriate Power What are some examples of times that it would
be good for children to have the power to make a decision (make a
choice)? What are some examples of decisions that require the
judgment and experience of an adult? Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound
up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far
from him. 27
Slide 28
Excuses Parents Make for Poor Behavior What are some of the
excuses parents make for their childrens poor behavior? Hes hungry
Hes tired Hes off schedule Hes upset because his father is
traveling Hes had too much sugar Children quickly learn how to
exploit these excuses so they can avoid being accountable for their
own behavior. Proverbs 20:11 Even a child is known by his actions,
by whether his conduct is pure and right? 28
Slide 29
Or this one... 29
Slide 30
Discussion What are the indicators that you are giving your
child too much power? 30
Slide 31
Homework to Do Before Our 3 rd Class Read at least through page
90. However, we also encourage you to read ahead to get a start on
what to do when your child challenges you. Be prepared to discuss
these topics: 1.Describe the characteristics of each of the four
poor parenting styles described in the book. Do any of these
describe your parenting style? 2.Describe the power hierarchy for
each of the four poor parenting styles and for healthy parenting.
What problems does an improper power structure present? 3.Give
examples of the parental language used by each of the four
parenting styles. What should have been said or done instead? What
types of things should you stop saying? 4.What are the detrimental
effects on the character of the children from each of the poor
parenting styles? If you identify this type of damage in your
child, what should you do to heal that damage? 31