Higher Modern Studies: 20 Mark Essays

Learning Intentions

• By the end of this lesson, you should be able to:

– Identify accurately the elements of a successful 20 mark essay– Explain the difference between analysis and evaluation,

referring to examples of each– Evaluate a complex socio-economic or political issue by

drawing conclusions

• To demonstrate this, you will:– Write a balanced introduction for a model essay– Write a paragraph which features a detailed point, analysis

mark, exemplification and evaluative comment– Write a conclusion which includes at least one of the key

evaluative skills

The 20 Mark Essay

• There will be one of these in your exam

• It can appear in any topic area

– 8 marks for Knowledge & Understanding– 6 marks for Analysis & Evaluation– 4 marks for Conclusions– 2 marks for Structure

  1 mark 2 marks 3 marks 4 marks 5-6 marks 

Range of relevantknowledgeAccurate, relevant,up-to-date 

One relevant aspect of the issue given, with some description

Two relevant aspectsof the issue given, with some descriptionor one relevant aspect covered, with detailed and accurate description

One relevant aspect ofthe issue with detailedand accuratedescription and onerelevant aspect withsome description

At least two relevantaspects with detailedand accuratedescriptions — theseshould include the keyaspects of the issue

Quality ofexplanation/exemplification ofknowledgeUp to a maximum of 8marks available forknowledge andunderstanding 

Some explanation ofone aspect of theissue or relevantexemplification

Some explanation oftwo relevant aspectsof the issue ordetailed explanationof one aspect of thequestion which mayinclude relevantexemplification

Detailed explanationof one relevant aspectof the issue withrelevantexemplification andsome explanation ofone aspect of thequestion

At least two aspects ofthe question, fullyexplained, whichrelate closely to thekey aspects of thequestion andextended, relevant,accurate and up-todateexemplification

AnalysisComments thatidentify relationships/implications, exploredifferent views orestablishconsequences/implicationsUp to 6 marks* 

One relevant andaccurate analyticalcomment

One relevant andaccurate analyticalcomment that isjustified orexemplified or twodifferent relevant andaccurate analyticalcomments

One developedrelevant and accurateanalytical commentthat is justified andexemplified: thisshould relate closelyto a key aspect of thequestion

One extended,accurate and justifiedanalytical comment ofan insightful naturewhich relates closelyto the key aspects ofthe question and isexemplified

At least twodeveloped relevantand accurateanalytical commentsthat are justified andexemplified. Theseshould relate closelyto the question andmay be linked for 6marks

  1 mark 2 marks 3 marks 4 marks 5-6 marks 

StructureStructure whichdevelops a consistentand clear line ofargumentUp to 2 marks 

Clear structure thataddresses the issueidentified in thequestion

Structure that clarifies the issue, presents evidence and develops a clear and consistent line of argument

ConclusionsEvaluative commentswhich make ajudgement(s) and orreach a conclusion(s)which address the keyissues in the questionUp to 4 marks* 

One conclusion thataddresses a key issuein the question

One extended andbalanced conclusionthat addresses a keyissue in the questionor two conclusionsthat address key issues in the question

One extended andbalanced conclusionthat is justified anddirectly addresses thekey issue(s) in thequestion or twobalanced conclusionsthat address the keyissues in the question,one of which isextended

One extended andbalanced insightfulconclusion that isjustified and directlyaddresses the centralaspects of thequestion and whichconsiders a range ofviewpoints

What Do the Essay Questions Look Like?

• There are two possible question stems • What do each of the following question

stems mean? What are they asking you to do?

• To what extent• Discuss

• To help us work this out, think about them in a non-course related context…

To what extent is Heart of Midlothian the greatest football club in Scotland?

To what extent is Adam C’s handwriting the most stressful part of Mr Thomson’s job?

Volkswagen Golfs are the best small car on the market. Discuss.

The mobile phone the most important tool in Marta’s social life. Discuss.

To what extent is Mr Thomson’s blog the most effective factor in improving pupil performance in

Modern Studies?

Question Stems

• The stems don’t radically alter how you will answer the question, but you have to focus on them and make sure you engage clearly with what the examiner is looking for

– To what extent = How much is…– Discuss = Evaluate the arguments in favour

and in opposition to the statement.

• You have to answer the question that you are asked, or you will fail the question!

Structure

• To gain your 2 marks for structure, you must follow a logical and coherent line of argument

• The best way to set out your essay in order to achieve this is by following this structure:– Introduction– 4 balanced points/paragraphs– Conclusion

Introduction

• The intro should perform 3 key jobs:

1. Introduce the topic2. Show you understand what the

question is asking you and what you need to do to answer it

3. Give a basic, balanced response to the question

Model Intro

• Is this a good intro for an imaginary question, “To what extent is Nando’s the best place to eat in Silverburn shopping centre”?

• “In Silverburn, Nando’s is a popular place to eat. In this essay, I will discuss whether it is a good place to eat and to what extent it is the best.”

This is a Weak Intro

• WHY?

• Written in first person• Doesn’t show any real understanding of

the question• Doesn’t give a response to the question• Simplistic introductory comment• No indication of how the question will be

tackled

Model Intro 2

• “Silverburn shopping centre in the Southside of Glasgow is home to more than a dozen outlets offering a dining experience for the thousands of shoppers who visit each day. Some argue that Nando’s provides the highest quality food thanks to its range of piri piri dressings; however, competitors such as Wagamama, Pizza Hut and La Tasca are very popular and also must be considered. Overall, whether Nando’s is the best place to eat in Silverburn is highly dependent on the individual preferences of the customer.”

This is Much Stronger

• It:

– Gives some KU about the topic in the opening sentence to provide clear context

– Acknowledges a range of factors to be discussed

– Engages with what the question asks and shows a clear understanding of how to answer it

– Answers the question with balanced analysis

Activity

• Create your own introduction for this essay, using the model to help you (not to copy from!)

• Peer assess to check you are on the right track – does your partner’s essay follow the structure? Does it include the right level of detail?

• Give them a key target to work on for next time

• Also give them something they did well• Write this in their jotter so they don’t forget

Main Body

• Each paragraph should follow the PEEA-PEEA-L structure:

• Point • Expand • Example• Analysis

• Counter Point• Expand • Example• Analysis

• Link back to the question and evaluate (mini conclusion)

Model PEE

• Nando’s is a high quality dining experience in Silverburn as it offers customers wide choice and customisation of their meals.

• Whilst many of Silverburn’s restaurants offer only a set menu, Nando’s have a range of high quality piri piri dressings which allow customers to make their own choice as to how spicy their chicken is. Furthermore, the customer can refill their soft drink as often as they like, giving them a less restricted choice of what they drink with their meal. Therefore, the dining experience is enhanced.

• For example, in July 2013, Mr Thomson visited the Edinburgh Fountainpark branch of Nando’s, choosing to add extra hot piri piri sauce to his first half wrap, and lemon and herb sauce to the second.

• Market research has shown that restaurant customers view this kind of choice as a particularly important factor in deciding where to eat; in fact, only quality of food was rated higher. This is likely to give Nando’s the edge over Wagamama, which only has a set menu to choose from.

Model PEEL• However, it could be argued that Nando’s is poor value for money

when compared with its competitors.• A regular complaint from customers is that the price of a meal in

Nando’s is excessive for the quality of food served. This affects the customer’s enjoyment of their meal as they feel they could have saved money and eaten a similar standard of meal elsewhere in Silverburn.

• For example, a double chicken pitta with one side costs £10.60 in Nando’s, whereas a chicken and chorizo paella in La Tasca costs only £8.85.

• This is a huge difference in cost, and may heavily influence many people’s decision over whether to eat at Nando’s – for those on a budget, it could be the most important factor.

• Clearly, although there is plenty of choice in Nando’s, the customer pays extra for the privilege and doesn’t gain very good value for money as a result. Whilst this isn’t a problem for customers who are willing to pay extra, some diners may prefer a cheaper option, such as Pizza Hut.

Activity

• Complete a balanced paragraph like the one on the previous two slides

• Peer assess with a different partner this time to gain a wider range of feedback from the class

Conclusion

• Should not just be a summary or a repeat of everything you have said

• It should be an evaluative comment which concludes your essay with a balanced response to the question

• Making recommendations, or predictions based on the evidence you have presented is one good way to approach this

• You should always ensure that you acknowledge the alternative viewpoints

• If you have made mini conclusions throughout your essay, this will be easier

Conclusion Structure

• Give your answer to the question - summarise the key arguments that have convinced you

• Show balance – acknowledge the alternative point of view

• Evaluate – put a quantitative value on your answer e.g. “to a large extent”

• Make an interesting final concluding comment, such as a recommendation or prediction

Activity

• Write your own conclusion to this essay and self assess your work this time, using the model conclusion on the next page to help you

• Make any required corrections, as you will be peer marked once you have completed this section

Model Conclusion

• Overall, although Nando’s can be considered the best restaurant to a large extent by customers for whom table service and budget are not important factors, others prefer the more formal dining experience of La Tasca or the value for money of Wagamama. Whether Nando’s is the best restaurant in Silverburn is highly dependent on the tastes and preferences of the individual. Perhaps the youthful clientele it attracts suggests it appeals to a particularly young demographic more than the other choices available; however, Nando’s will need to do more to appeal to the older generations in the years to come.

Peer Marking

• Using the marking instructions you have been given, peer assess your partner’s model essay

• Make sure you note on where each mark has been gained – do this in the margin

• Give feedback, both positive and things to work on, so that you both have a target for your first Modern Studies themed essay question

Learning Intentions

• By the end of this lesson, you should be able to:

– Identify accurately the elements of a successful 20 mark essay– Explain the difference between analysis and evaluation,

referring to examples of each– Evaluate a complex socio-economic or political issue by

drawing conclusions

• To demonstrate this, you will:– Write a balanced introduction for a model essay– Write a paragraph which features a detailed point, analysis

mark, exemplification and evaluative comment– Write a conclusion which includes at least one of the key

evaluative skills