Helping People Who Are Grieving

The price of love is

the pain of separation

Grief comes from loss

The loss of someone very close• Husband or wife - from death, divorce, or

separation• A child or a sibling• An intimate friend

“I am no longer a wife, or husband, a father or a sister”

Other loss

Job, income, financial security House, land, possessions A failure Reputation

Deep attachments are broken

Part of us is torn away A huge hole remains in the heart A painful wound remains Feelings of anguish, loneliness, even

rejection fill the heart There may be anger at God

Express sympathy and concern

I am so sorry You must feel (have felt) terrible A genuine expression of sympathy helps

begin the healing relationship

Listen to the person’s story

Would you like to tell me about it? If weeping occurs, it is normal. Don’t try to

stop it. Tears glands are our organs of elimination

of grief

Ask about the person who is gone

Many want to talk about the departed spouse What kind of a person was he? How did you meet? And fall in love? What were some of the wonderful things you

did together? Listening with interest is therapeutic

Or about the loss sustained

home, business, job Talking with an interested person can be

cathartic

Discover strengths

Do you have a success story from the past? Have you coped with other losses in the

past? How are you coping with this one now? What brings comfort to you? Where can you go to find strength? How do you see your future?

Support groups

Are you a member of a church? Or other groups, clubs, support groups Are these groups of help to you? Is your family of help to you? Encourage participation in such groups Encourage reaching out to others to form

new relationships and especially to those who are also grieving

Other activities

What do you do to relax, or to have fun? What are the things you like to do? Are there things you can make that

stimulate creativity? – cooking, painting, embroidery, carpentry, or others

Hobbies, projects, recreation

Relationship with God

Tell me about your faith How has God been of help to you? Do you look forward to reunion with your

loved one?

Purpose in loss

To draw us to God whom we can never lose To point us to our eternal relationships and

possessions To lead us to the living hope of the

resurrection To deepen relationships with others or

develop new ones

Purpose in loss (continued)

To help us to help others “Blessed be God the Father of mercies and

the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves have been comforted by God” II Corinthians 1:3,4

Offer prayer

Pray according to the story you have heard Thanksgiving for the loved one or the lost

situation• For the joys of the past• For the hope of the future

Ask for the comfort of the conscious presence of the Lord

For strength to continue to live and grow

Loss of a child

This is especially difficult, so hard to understand

Ask about the child Is there hope for reunion?

Loss from divorce or abandonment

Is there anger, bitterness, resentment? If so, can forgiveness occur? Is there hope for reconciliation? What new directions can life take with

God’s help?

Look for signs of danger

Loss of appetite Loss of weight Insomnia Inability to concentrate or to make

decisions These indicate deep depression that needs

professional help

Hope

We were saved by hope - Romans 8 : 24 The living hope of the resurrection Hope now for new relationships, new

perspectives, new things to do Do not offer empty hope or empty words But point to realities for which we can hope

Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comfortedMatthew 5 : 4

Come Walk with Me By Kaye HerthCome walk with meAs I approach my journeys endCome share my timeWe’ll laugh and love and play,

Come walk with meAnd Share my fearsAnd don’t be afraid to cryYour honesty will ease my painAnd I will gain much strength besidesCome walk with meI have so much I want to sayLet me share my hopes, my dreamsAnd together we will live each day.Come walk with meThere’s much undone to doTake my hand and hold meMy work and me- We must go on

Come Walk with Me (cont)

Come walk with meThough run I can’tAnd watch each day unfoldAnd realize how much value there isIn the time we hold

Come walk with meAnd when my journey endsI will have gained peace untoldAnd you, I hopeA greater joy and capacity for livingIn the days and time you hold

A most helpful book

A Grace Disguised: How the soul grows through loss

By Gerald L. Sittser Harper Collins/Zondervan, 1996