11- Dying and the Grieving Process

Dying and the Grieving Process

Anoka-Ramsey College

PPT #11 ©Valerie Lis 2012

DYING AND THE GRIEVING PROCESS

• In this chapter, the elements of spiritual care of the dying and the grieving process are discussed.

Here are a few concepts from the chapter:

• Dying is more than a medical event; it is a spiritual event. For all involved, it is a time for exchanging love, for reconciliation, and for transformation.

• The hospice and palliative care movement has helped people come to terms with their terminal illness, impending death, and the importance of spiritual issues and needs.

• Individuals experience grief differently, depending on their inner resources, support, and relationships.

• Types of grief reactions include acute, anticipatory, disenfranchised, and dysfunctional grief.

©Valerie Lis 2012 2


From all the rest I single out you, having a message for you.You are to die- let others tell you what they please, I cannot prevaricate.I am exact and merciless, but I love you- there is no escape for you.Softly I lay my right hand upon you- you just feel it.I do not argue- I bend my head close and half envelop it.I sit quietly by- I remain faithful.I am more than nurse, more than parent or neighbor.I absolve you from all except yourself- spiritual, bodily.That is eternal- you yourself will surely escape.The corpse you will leave will be but excrementitous.The sun burst through in unlooked for directions.Strong thoughts fill you, and confidence- you smile.You forget you are sick, as I forget you are sick.You do not see the medicines- you do not mind the weeping friends.I am with you.I exclude others from you- there is nothing to be commiserated.I do not commiserate- I congratulate you.

To One Shortly To Die

~Walt Whitman

According to Ronald L Grimes, author of Deeply into the Bone: Re-inventing Rites of Passage:

Before the twentieth century, dying in Europe and North America was more consciously embraced and publicly performed. A dying person’s deathbed scene was saturated with explicit death rites as well as ritualized social drama. Dying was a family, if not a public, occasion. Deathbed utterances were given special credence. To listen to someone straddling the great divide was considered an opportunity for spiritual growth.


THE ART OF DYING

Strong, L. (n. d.). Psychopomp stories: Contemplating death in a spiritually diverse society. Retrieved July 24, 2011, from http://www.psychopomps.org/psychopomp-stories/chapter1-introduction.html

THE AVIATRIX VIDEO

• Anne is lonely. She lives with her mother, has no friends, and is fighting cancer. Her escape from reality exists in the form of The Aviatrix, an intergalactic superhero alter ego who rockets through space to fight the powers of evil on distant planets.

©Valerie Lis 20124

http://youtu.be/LVJuWZGmQUY

TOOLS USED FOR CEREMONY

• LIGHTING: Soft lighting or burning candles can bring feelings of peace and safety.

• AROMAS: Burning sage, scented candles, incense, fragrance of flowers can have a calming effect. (When people are dying their sensitivity to odors is acute; make sure the dying person does not have a negative reaction.)

• HOLY OBJECTS: Set up an altar and arrange spiritually meaningful articles or pictures on it.

• MUSIC: Appropriate music will soothe and inspire. Certain instruments of sound, such as drums or bells, are used in many traditions. Sounds of nature can be very healing.

• PRAYER: Oral prayer in keeping with the dying person's tradition, recitation of psalms, reading of scriptures. In Islam the Qur’an is read, and when the final moments arrive there is complete silence.

• SILENCE: Always remember that silence is a very important sound. It is good to remember the value and necessity of simply sitting in silence with the dying person.

©Valerie Lis 2012 5Weiskopf, J. (n. d.). Dying consciously: The greatest journey. Retrieved July 24, 2011, from http://www.dyingconsciously.org/ceremony_and_ritual.htm


DISCUSSION BOARD

• For this week’s Discussion Board, you will answer the following questions about how to provide support during the dying or grieving process:

– In addition to the ones discussed in this chapter, can you think of any other healing strategies that may be helpful in caring for a dying person?

– Ramona is a 64-year-old woman whose husband died less than 6 months ago. She tells you, “We were married more than 40 years. I just don’t see how I can go on without him.” What would be an appropriate, compassionate, and sensitive response?

• Remember to place two more comments in response to other students’ posts.


WIKI ACTIVITY:SACRED

CONTRACT

©Valerie Lis 201212

• Create a Sacred Contract. This is an agreement between God and

you on how you plan to live the rest of your life.

• Include rituals, therapeutic interventions, prayers, gratitude journals,

and other activities.

• Post it to the Group WIKI, or email me the contract and post a short

summary to the Group WIKI.

• Post three thoughtful comments to your classmates’ submissions.

REMINDERS. . .

• Be sure to complete the Quiz, the Discussion Board, and the Group WIKI activity this week.

• Remember: To receive credit for Discussion Boards and WIKIs, you must comment on other students’ posts.

• The due date for all assignments from the tenth module is November 4.

• The due date for all assignments from the eleventh module is November 12.

• Also, your final reflection paper is due November 14.

• If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know. Thanks!

Valerie



Old age, sickness and death do not have to be equated with suffering; we can live and practice in such a way that dying is a natural rite of passage, a completion of our life, and even the ultimate liberation.

~Being with Dying, by Joan Halifax, Shambhala Publications, 2008

Education

11- Dying and the Grieving Process