Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)1

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment

FACILITATOR’S NAMEDate

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)2

• Identify several ways deployment affects family, parenting, and child feelings and behavior.

• Discuss strategies to use to assist children to cope with separation caused by deployment.

Objectives

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)3

Challenges of Deployment

• Whole family stress - worry and changing roles.

• Service Member - focus moved to duty, concern for family, safety.

• Home front caregiver - worry, added responsibilities, less support.

• Children - worry more and be afraid and sad

4Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)

COMMON FEELINGS1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Confusion

4. Anxiety or worry

5. Isolation

6. Irritability

7. Tearfulness or sadness

8. Bad temper

9. Clingy, wants attention

10. Physical complaints

COMMON BEHAVIORS1. Questions about all adult’s

whereabouts

2. Frequent questions about Service Member

3. Distancing self from caregiver to be deployed; defiance with that caregiver

4. Acting out behaviors

5. Demanding attention

6. Testing limits with adults

Before & During Deployment: Challenges for Children

5Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)

• Difficult for all members.

• Emotions and behaviors from pre-deployment continue.

• Usually increase as deployment is closer, settle with deployment, and then intensify.

• Age affects how the person recognizes and responds to separation.

During Deployment: Separation Issues

6Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)

Approximately Ages 0 – 4

• Feeding and/or sleeping difficulties, increased irritability, or low energy

• Aggressiveness, clinginess, changes in eating or sleeping habits, or crying more often

What can you do?

• Be emotionally available for them

• Help toddlers feel loved, safe, and comfortable with their feelings

• Show sensitivity - warmth, genuine positive effect, playing and having fun

During Deployment: Babies, Toddlers, Preschoolers

7Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)

Approximately Ages 5 - 10

• Sadness and loneliness - trouble sleeping, illness complaints, crying

• Confusion and worry - questioning, demanding more attention, clingy

• Irritability and anger - testing, arguing, acting out at home and school

• Moody, aggressive, or whiny - may get stomachaches, headaches

During Deployment: Younger Children

8Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)

• Help the child identify how he or she is feeling; listen and support them

• Keep the deployed present

• Keep in touch through technological communication

• Provide consistency and structure

Helping Younger Children

9Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)

Approximately Ages 11 - 13

• More aware of danger and stress

• More competition for adult attention

• Added responsibilities• Worry, depression, and stress• Crying, changes in eating,

keeping to themselves (isolation)

• Irritability, seeking attention, and challenging adults

During Deployment: Older Children

10Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)

• Be aware! Be involved!

• Encourage talking

• Provide other ways to express feelings

• Acknowledge them

• Keep structure

• Follow through on rules and discipline

Helping Older Children

11Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)

Approximately Ages 14 - 18

• Face more demands• More awareness of dangers and adult

stress• Increased depression, anxiety, and

feelings of being alone• Isolation - ignore or deny stress• Not want to be a burden• Resentment - arguing and angry

outbursts• Danger of risk-taking behavior

(drinking, abusing substances)

During Deployment: Teens

12Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)

• Remember - not adults• Balance - being a teen and

helping family• Express appreciation for help• Encourage them to talk• Help build support system• Structure and discipline• Even if they act like they don’t

want support, provide it

Helping Teens

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• Stay connected• Stay involved• Limit information you share• Work with home caregiver

Strategies for Deployed Parents

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)14

• Face-to-face clearly stated goodbye

• Discuss as a family what the goodbye will look like

• Prepare the youngest children members by talking about what will happen at the goodbye

Saying Goodbye

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)15

• Structure

• Open, positive, and supportive

• Family=Team

• Rules and discipline

• Keep deployed parent present

• Self-care

General Guidelines

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)16

• Establish support system prior to deployment

• Team up with school staff

• Counseling is always beneficial

• Seek professional help: difficulty with daily living, significant decline in school and home functioning

• Seek immediate professional help: statements of not wanting to live, isolation, risky-behavior

Seeking Assistance

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)17

• Identify several ways deployment affects family, parenting, and child feelings and behavior.

• Discuss strategies to use to assist children to cope with separation caused by deployment.

Objectives

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment (JUN 2013)18

Helping Children Cope with Separation during Deployment

FACILITATOR’S NAMEDate