Get Satisfied Handbook

7/25/2019 Get Satisfied Handbook

1/44

Get Satisfied: How to Find the Satisfaction of Enough

Produced in cooperation with

and

By Michael Beck

Edi ted by Carol Holst

Contr ibutors: Yuk io Okano, PhD and Mike Swofford

Framed on American Mania: When More is Not Enough by Peter C. Whybrow, M.D.

October 2009

www.postconsumers.comToll-free: 1-877-Unstuff


2/44

2

Get Satisf ied: How to Find the Satisfaction of Enough

Table of Contents

Introduction 4Got Stress? 4The Satisfaction of Enough 4

A Word on Postconsumers 5The Consumer Stress Quiz 5

Overview 7How to Use This Handbook 7

A Word about the Exercises 7A Word about Our Underlying Theme 8

PART I ~ AMERICAN MANIA

Section 1The All-Consuming Economy 9How Consumerism Defines and Stresses Us 9The Fast New World 9Is the Dysfunction Personal or Systemic? 10Exercises:Personal Distress Best Ascribed to Omnipresent Consumerism 11

Section 2Hijacking the Human Psyche 12An Ancient Balance Destabilized 12Consumption AddictionWhen More Is Never Enough 13

The Broken Promise of the American Dream 13Exercises: Super-Sizing with a Twist 14

PART II ~ HEALTHY HUMAN ALTERNATIVES

Section 3Satisfying Postconsumer Lifestyles 15The American Dream Revisited 15The Satisfaction of EnoughYours for the Taking 15Recovering Community and the Lost Half of the Human Equation 16Societal Barriers to Community and Inner Satisfaction 17Exercises: Re-imagining Community, Time Priorities, and Other Values 18

Section 4Success Stories to Inspire You 19Inner Satisfaction Equals Success 19Inspiration from Get Satisfied (Four Vignettes from Book) 20Studies: Satisfaction and Happiness 21Studies: Does Money Buy Happiness? 21Studies: Sources 22Exercises: Learning from Real-life Examples Present or Past 22


3/44

3

PART III ~ HOW TO REACH THE SATISFACTION OF ENOUGH

Section 5Practice Makes (Perfect) Satisfaction 23Overall Purpose of Part III 23

Start with the Basics 23Imaging an Authentic Values-Driven Lifestyle 24Overcoming Barriers to Core Values (i.e. Resigning from the Rat Race) 25

The great American time famine and financial cliff-hangerConsumption addiction (a.k.a. rat-race heaven)Peer pressure and status envy

Section 6Satisfaction Toolbox 27Positive Reinforcers 27Practical Considerations 28Ten Easy Steps to the Satisfaction of Enough 29

Taking Ownership of the Values-Driven Life 30

Section 7Creating Postconsumer Kids 32Whose Best Interests? 32

A Few Words about Pressure from Peers 33A Few Words about Pressure from the Media 33A Few Words about Pressure from You 34The GAME Plan 35

Appendix - Childrens Stories and Songs 37


4/44

4

Introduction

Got Stress?

This handbook offers an antidote for a peculiarly American mania thats been growing

over the last few decades. Call it the never-ending stress test. Call it the fast lane, therat race, or simply the endless treadmill of balancing debt, downsizing, overwork, traffic,deadlines and crowded shopping malls, all in the name of attaining that successfulstandard of living supposedly so essential to the good life.

Was daily life in America alwaysso frenzied? Dr. Peter Whybrow,Director of the Semel Institute forNeuroscience and HumanBehavior at UCLA, thinks not. Infact, a few years ago, he became

concerned enough to authorAmerican Mania: When More isNot Enough, in which heanalyzed how such traditional

American virtues as personalinitiative have become distortedby a globalized, technologicallysupercharged Fast New World:as an economic system it makesperfect commercial sense, but sopoorly does it fit the innate

human physiology that the stressis making us sick.

However, we at Postconsumers.com are convinced that we can re-set our lives amidstthe craziness. Believing that each of us already possesses the inner resources toreorder priorities despite external pressures, we offer this guided plan, first forunderstanding and then for replacing the current frantic striving with balance: balancefrom the satisfaction of enoughfor the sake of people and the planet .

The Satisfaction of Enough

How to refocus on our inner values embodies the guidingprinciple of this handbook. We maintain that anyonethoughimmersed in the supercharged society that contemporary Americahas becomecan recover their core values in order to pick andchoose among pressing throngs of must-have possessions,expectations and demands. In a word, they can quietly draw theline and say, this is plenty to be satisfied.


5/44

5

It is easier said than done, however. Not only does our current culture spotlight externalappearances to the near exclusion of all else, it embeds in our consciousness amonolithically uniform vision of that successful life. This mindset carries within yet onemore goad: based as it is on the imperative for ceaseless economic expansion and arelentless output of new products and fads, one cannot be really satisfied, since more is

neverenough.

By contrast, we believe that only within the uniqueness of individuals can truesatisfaction be found. (Some would call it happiness.) And as far as possible in a singlehandbook, we have structured the themes and exercises around that fact. Theoverwhelming evidence of both personal stories and scientific studies reveals a simpletruth of human nature: we are far better adapted to the rhythms of family, friends andcommunity than we are to the frenzy of a commercialized society.

A Word on Postconsumers

In no way should this term be taken as a call to abandon our modern lifestyles and toretreat to some charming cabin in the woods. Our complex, technological world is hereto stay. Rather, the term refers to an implication that has crept into the word consumerin recent decades. With all the convoluted and labored analyses of the Americanconsumer that we hear about,might we begin to suspect that our primary patriotic dutythese days is to consume? Has it become our main purpose to serve the economyrather than vice versa?

Bypostconsumers, then, we simply emphasize that authentic human beings are incharge here, that all these seductively innovative technological marvels exist to serve usas we very discriminatingly choose among them, rather than let our lives berun by them. If you would like to see some real- life accounts of peoplesunique ways of achieving this, we invite you to check out our companionvolume, Get Satisfied: How Twenty People Like You Found the Satisfactionof Enough.

The Consumer Stress Quiz

Though our subject matter is quite serious, that should not prevent us from occasionallypursuing it with a touch of humor. So as a sampler we offer you this (somewhat) tongue-in-cheek survey:

Please mark your response to each statement on a scale from "1" (strongly disagree) to"5" (strongly agree). This quiz should not be taken as a substitute for a medicaldiagnosis.

1. It seems like the more I buy the more I want.

2. It is hard to make up my mind about what to buy.

3. I feel pressured by so much advertising.


6/44

6

4. I worry that I might be spending too much money.

5. Shopping often takes time away from other activities I value.

6. I am confused by the directions for many products.

7. I sometimes want to buy things immediately that I don't need.

8. I wonder about being able to store and maintain what I buy.

9. I make some purchases based on what others will think of me.

10. I am too frazzled by information and stuff overload to answer more questions.

Scoring totals:

10-20 Consumer stress is rare.21-30 Consumer stress is limited.31-40 Consumer stress is moderate.41-50 Consumer stress is substantial.

Scoring interpretations:

10-30 Consider the satisfaction of enoughas preventative31-50 Consider the satisfaction of enoughas prescriptive

Vs.

Your Right , Your Power, Your Cho ice


7/44

7

Overview

How to Use This Handbook

We have prepared this short handbook to be as versatile as possible. Originallyconceived as a formal workshop on the satisfaction of enough,we quickly realized thatthe project might just as effectively serve either a small, informal group or an individualwanting to explore satisfying alternatives to the consumerist lifestyle. Here are some ofthe many ways this manual may be adapted:

An individual (or a family) self-help guide An outline for a series of short workshops The centerpiece for a half-day (or longer) workshop An informative booklet on countering materialism

A discussion guide for a couple or for a small ad hocgroup such as a house party A topical discussion guide for an ongoing group, i.e.,

book, civic or church club

This handbook is intended to be as user-friendly as possible, not only in format andadaptability, but also in focus. Thus, just as readers can choose their unique innervalues over the bland sameness of consumerism, they also should not hesitate to pickand choose among the sections and suggestions of this manual. Though we haveendeavored to make every section and exercise compelling, we flatly disagree with theattitude of some guidebooks which insist that if a single step is skipped, readers will

significantly lose out.

A Word about the Exercises

These exercises are central to the handbooks proactive and ultimately positive theme:we may have no personal control over the direction of the culture at large, but wecertainly can control how we react to its pressures and interpret its messaging. Theexercises have been chosen to help readers specifically address these pressure points,hopefully in as non-threatening and lighthearted a fashion as possible.

All the exercises are constructed to be flexible.Whether you write them down, discuss themorally or simply think them through, we expectthem to complement, on a more personal level,the various ideas raised in their respectivesections. They are conceived so that usersdesiring a maximum of one exercise per sectioncan easily pick the most suitable fit.

In our commercial success, have we

achieved what the Founding Fathershad in mind as the New Order of the

Ages, and if so, why are manycitizens anxious and unhappy?

Peter C. Whybrow:American Mania: When More is Not Enough


8/44

8

A Word about Our Underlying Theme

We hope to reach people with a range of viewpoints on the American consumereconomy, from those who regard it as a good thing grown out of proportion to thosewho see it as a dangerous malady in need of a cure. Readers who hold the latter point

of view might well see the three main parts of this work in terms of the followingitalicized subtitles:

PART IThe Diagnosis ,AMERICAN MANIA

PART IIThe Ant idote,HEALTHY HUMAN ALTERNATIVES

PART IIIThe Prescriptio n,HOW TO REACH THE SATISFACTION OF ENOUGH

Groups using this Get Satisfiedhandbook will hopefully enjoy a range of viewpoints onconsumerism (or materialism if you wish) to help generate lively discussions. For thosewho peruse the work individually, the more these topics strike them as thought-provoking, the better the effect.

Our underlying theme, one that goes beyond the whole dynamic of the consumer

economy, is where the focus of ones values should lie, or put another way, where onemay best find the wellspring of personal satisfaction. Should we look to our core valuesand their connections to the ancient rhythms of family and community? Or should weinstead turn our gaze towards outward display and the prestige of material success?Our answer to that question is unequivocal, and here consensus seems more likely toprevail than disagreement among those who choose to examine these issues with us.

The Satisfaction of Enough


9/44

9

Section 1~The All-Consuming Economy

How Consumerism Defines and Stresses Us

The American consumer reigns supreme. Wherever we looknewscasts,talk shows, the daily paper, the internetevery stumble of thisprototypical American gets analyzed, researched, poked and proddeduntil the final diagnosis has been extracted and reformatted into the latestprescription to bolster the economy.

If only other areas of our national lifesuch as our limping schools, our poor nutritionalhabits, or our rising levels of stressgot this kind of keen attention. The fact that theydont, however, should not surprise us in a soc iety that has adopted the economy asvirtually its only bottom line. This imbalance permeates much of the anxiety and stresswe see about us including:

downsizing and outsourcing of our jobs the health-care crisis with the uninsured swamping our emergency rooms runaway market speculation based on periodic meltdowns that devastate

average Americans the resultant over-scheduling, sleep deprivation, national time famine, and loss of

leisure family fragmentation linked to waning community spirit high-tech invasions of our daily schedules and privacy

How did we get here? Earlier America certainly had its problems (e.g. think vicioussegregation), but at least our economy moved more in tune with natural human orcommunity rhythms, and Main Street stood out prominently in commercial life. Freemarkets, vigorous competition, and personal inventiveness received great honor, asthey still do today both in name and in political rhetoric. But in reality a seismic shift hasoccurred.

The Fast New World

InAmerican ManiaDr. Whybrow documents this shift. Broadly, he traces how ourcountrys traditionally dynamic, free-enterprise culture has, in the last few decades,crossbred with globalized modern technology to beget a Fast New World built uponconsumerism, stoked by multinational corporations, and fine-tuned to instant gratification. This has brought us unprecedentedmaterial prosperity, but at the price of saturating our society with24-7 commercialism, turbocharged work schedules, and a neworder of ruthless competition, all pushing us toward the single-minded imperative of an ever-expanding GNP. Consequently, asDr. Whybrow puts it:

$ $ $

$ $ $


10/44

10

For the average citizen American society does not make it easy to escape from thestress and strain of the Fast New World. As a nation we have become preoccupied witheconomic growth, and to that end we have embraced a seductive form of mega-marketing that, while it may be good for commerce, continuously beckons each of ustoward self-destructive, addictive behavior.

There is a further insidious way that this Fast New World pushes people towardsunhealthy behavior. By exalting the lean-and-mean takeover machine that powers themodern multinational conglomerate, it brushes aside job security, leaving employeesoverworked, overloaded, and overstressed with the ever-possible prospect of landing onthe street to face home foreclosure. The psychic exhaustion renders far too manypeople inclined to escape in front of the TV, easy prey for the sophisticated, addictive,commercial enticements that are the purpose of most programming.

Is the Dysfunction Personal or Systemic?

Most folks simply assume that the dysfunctions they sense in and around themselves

stem from individual failure of willpower or skill to pursue the American Dream; after allthe mass media never tire of reminding us that the Dream lies within everyones grasp.For example, if people fall deeply in debt, shortchange their families, or get sick fromobesity, it simply gets chalked up to personal weakness or just the way things are, withfew people aware that our entire culture is structured to inveigle them towards addictiveoverspending, overeating, and overworking.

There are few who would question that the pace and the pressure of the contemporaryconsumer world challenge our ability to stay balanced. Less clear is where to lay theblame when people succumb to the pressure, descend into debt, neglect their families,and so on; however, it is vital that we diagnose the problem correctly if we are to

counter it on the personal level, as is the goal of this handbook.

Section 2 will explore the diagnosis in detail, but let us anticipate here that we must notwaste our energy trying to fix externalities while the basics go unchallenged.Remember, too, that when addressing these often heartbreaking difficulties, it isencouraging for us to realize how much of our task simply involves insulating ourselvesfrom exterior mania. We certainly do not deny the reality of individual issues, but when itcomes to the subject at handrepairing the personal damage wreaked by our overlyconsumerist culturefirst we must factor in the messaging with which that culturebombards us.

A Thou ght for the Day:

Homo

Sapiens

Homo

ConsumensDoes necessarily = ?


11/44

11

Exercises:List and Compare:Personal Distress Best Ascribed to Omnipresent Consumerism

There are a number of ways you might consider doing this exercise:

Your list may be all-inclusive, covering job-related, lifestyle, and spendingdecisions, plus whatever further kinds you might think of.

Jot down a straightforward list of excesses that have come to haunt people youknow or have heard of. (Always feel free to include yourself!)

Try a compare-and-contrast list: With each choice give both the perceived(perhaps hyped) advantages vs. the unhappy real-life consequences. Do nothesitate to list tongue-in-cheek advantages to lend the exercise a light touch.

Other kinds of approaches might well occur to you for either augmenting or

replacing the items in this exercise.


12/44

12

Section 2 ~ Hijacking the Human Psyche

An Ancient Balance Destabilized

Since deep prehistoric times, two of humanitys most basic survival mechanisms haveworked in tandem to produce much of human progress, including the powerful moderncivilization we now enjoy. On the one hand, an instinctive, reward-driven acquisitivenesstaught us to manipulate the world to our immense benefit. On the other hand, learnedinterpersonal behavior skills enabled us to build effective communities to secure thatprogress, further magnify it, and protect it from the harmful extremes of individual self-interest.

Today, in developed countries, the instinct for individual gain underlies and reinforcesthe free marketplace. Our learned interpersonal skills work best at the level of localcommunities, especially when wider-scale social programs bolster local connectedness

to offset globalization. In the U.S., however, small-scale economies and the vibrantcommunities they historically supported have disintegrated under assault from massmarketing. Meanwhile social services, never Americas strong suit, have shrunk evenfurther, all in the name of an ever leaner, more efficient competitive edge in internationaltrade.

America, in its relentlesspursuit of economicsuccess through personalinitiative, has therebyundercut the other half of

the human equation, yetsteadying communitynetworks of mutualsupport and responsibilityremain vital for a peopleto prosper in the longterm. InAmerican ManiaDr. Whybrow expressesgrave concern about thisdynamic:

[W]hether this newcommercial experiment can sustain Americas promise of a compassionate society dedicatedto equal opportunity is a question that must be of serious concern to all citizens. I say thisbecause, as a psychiatrist, it is evident that many of the behavioral qualities essential toindividual survival in our novel habitat are corrosive to human social need. Particularlytroubling is that the preoccupation with individual wealth and the manic demands that arepromoted by our Fast New World are weakening the essential roles of family and communityin shaping the cultural beliefs and empathic understanding that are vital to the health andhappiness of future generations.


13/44

13

Consumption AddictionWhen More is Never Enough

Dr. Whybrows description of Americas waning community spirit leads directly to thecentral problem that our handbook addresses: the push towards a relentlessmaterialism that blocks so many Americans from the calm, fulfilling satisfaction forwhich they yearn. This blockage doesnt arise simply from the economic-basedweakening of human connectedness. It also comes from the technological prowess ofglobalized commerce to penetrate the human psyche at its most instinctive level: that ofthe reward-driven neural pathways, the same ones that enabled our species to thrive sowell in the ancient world of scarcity.

Dr. Whybrow emphasizes how vulnerable these pathways are,however, to something against which they never had a chance toevolve a defense. This is the utter novelty of industrializedabundance. Whether it be rich, flavor-soaked fast food, gloriouslypowerful new cars, spectacular electronic devices, or luxury-filledMcMansions, the allure is overwhelming.

In case anyone might have failed to notice the sea of abundance, our entire culture isstructured to draw people towards it. No longer does it simply invite citizens to satisfytheir needs. Rather, indulgence in well-deserved luxury has become the norm. Andwhile the media trumpet super-sized instant gratification as our new birthright, ourbrains ancient scarcity-tuned reward circuits go into stimulation overdrive, from whichpoint they can easily be hijacked into full-blown consumption addiction. Thus, while theinfrastructure of global marketing breaks down community from the outside, itsseductiveness cuts away from the inside.

The Broken Promise of the American Dream

This possession obsession is not the only kind engendered by a Fast New World whichalso promotes numerous other addictions: for example, manic overwork, overeating,indebtedness, and internet use. Such excesses bear little resemblance to the AmericanDream of tradition. As practiced in former times by our countrys largely immigrantpopulation, it primarily meant freedom from rigid social hierarchy and the right toachieve the dignity of a relatively comfortable life free from want.

But no longeraverage Americans now firmly believe that the Dreamlies somewhere beyond twicetheir current income. In other words, it

continually recedes before them, and so has joined other icons of ournational identitysuch as the free market and the small entrepreneur

in being co-opted by globalization.

However, what has been co-opted may be taken back. Super-sized indulgence that getssold to us addictively and subconsciously may be consciouslyrejected. As well see inSection 3, a strong dose of mindful self-awareness can reshape our American Dreamsinto healthy personal visions that nurture our souls, families, and communities.

$ $ $$ $ $


14/44

14

Exercises: Super-Sizing with a Twist

As in Section 1, these exercises are meant to be enjoyable as well as instructive.

List and compare traditional smaller sizes that are no longer enough. Feel free toproject into the future.

List favorite commercial addictions that you or others frequently succumb to,along with the one aspect of each that makes it so tempting.

Use the same or a similar list to extol these temptations hidden drawbacks. Ifyoud like a suggestion, we offer this:

Wallow in Pats Jumboburgers the cheap treat that saves on your food budget, eliminatesall that unwanted nutrition, andat no additional chargeguarantees extra padding to keepyou warm at night!

The average citizen is now relentlesslybesieged with information that does little to

inform besides its commercial content.



15/44

15

Section 3 ~Satisfying Postconsumer Lifestyles

The American Dream Revisited

Does it make sense for Americans, while enjoying the higheststandard of living in history, to define the American Dream as outof reach? We argue that it doesnt because of the operative worddefine. As indicated in Section 2, the Dream used to be anuplifting and achievable goaluntil it got co-opted and redefinedby mass marketers. So it is high time to revisit the Dream, re-insert it into the lives of real people, and remove it from the handsof those who manipulate it, understandably, for their profit but notfor our inner satisfaction.

So here we offer an alternate, postconsumer American Dream. As stated in theIntroduction, we fully support a vibrant economy which allows citizens to meet theirneeds in comfort and dignity, and whose purpose is to serve people, not the reverse, ashas come to be the case. Multinational-driven consumerism, which pushes asidehuman-scale considerations, does seem aptly named, however. It derives from the Latinconsmere, to devour.

If the mass media do not promote many alternatives to stressful, overextended,commercialized lifestyles, then it is up to us, as individuals, to look elsewhere. We canthink of few better ways to start than by putting the American back into the Dream, asin the timeless core values that used to cut a higher profile when communities werestronger. Such values include:

Strong families and well-brought-up kids Self-sufficiency Independence of mind (a subset of the above) Thrift and planning for the future Community spirit and interaction Volunteerism and community service Spirituality

The current Dream, designed by Madison Ave and marketed by spinning chronicindebtedness and self-indulgence into virtues, bears little resemblance to these core

values. On closer examination, in fact, it more closely resembles a vision that isunreachable, unhealthy, un-American, and inauthentic. It keeps us spending andstressed precisely because, by definition, more can never be enough.

The Satisfaction of EnoughYours for the Taking

The antidote, the satisfaction of enough,wells up only when we turn away from themirage to look towards our core values. Admittedly, this can be daunting in a culture


16/44

16

that discourages introspection, so lets begin the easy way, with another look at thatworking list of timeless values. They reflect Americas deepest ideals of independent,self-defined, forward-looking individuals building strong families and communities in aspirit of mutual cooperation. This dream by definition is genuine because it stems frompeoples inner, unique resources, and if that appears a little over-idealized, remember

that it is only a generalized guide.

The nitty-gritty, where each person defines her or his own version of what suffices forsatisfaction, constitutes the subject of the rest of this handbook. And at the core of thesubject lies this concept: self-sufficiency emerges from the realization that each of usalreadyhas the inner capacity to be satisfied. This does not refer to having enoughmaterial goods per se, although in many cases, if not most, that is also true, but rather itrefers to enough at a fundamental level. We already command the necessary intrinsicresources to create a life of fulfillment, dignity, and community.

Understanding this principle and the logic behind it can come relatively easily from

things liketo pick a random examplereading a Get Satisfiedhandbook. On theother hand, the deep conviction or gut feeling that we truly know how to call up theseresources develops more gradually. The section-end exercises offer a good start at this,while the techniques and toolboxes in Sections 5-7 look more towards the long haul.

Creating your own version of the satisfied life begins with some significant introspection:a mental (or written) list of the most meaningful things in life to you. The free-timeexercise at the end of this section or a review of some core American values above willhelp to fill out the list. Thus begins the shift to what you might wish to call either a self-defined lifestyle, a personal American Dream, or a pullback from the rat race.

Recovering Community and the Lost Half of the Human Equation

As these unique visions take shape, a single clear trend (despite their diversity) setsthem off from the media version of the good life. They run less to jet-set manors, yachtsand such, and more to the modest rhythms of vibrant families, personal callings, and thetime to savor them. The prominence of community ties and family emerges in virtuallyany account of people resetting their relationships to the Fast New World, and it atteststo these factors irreplaceable role in any society that wishes to endure. Near thebeginning ofAmerican Mania, Dr. Whybrow emphasizes this:

The established roots of human meaning and thecornerstones of any democracyfreedom, honesty,

caring relationships, a belief in the next generationderive their power from the mutual respect of individualsand from an investment in community at home andabroad. The ancient truth remains. It is through theempathic intimacy of human relationships, not in theaccumulation of material goods, that true prosperity issecured.


17/44

17

As we saw in Section 2, family and community ties are as embedded in the humanpsyche as the urge to accumulate wealth, though less instinctively so. Consequently,we should wonder neither at how centrally they appear in inventories of satisfaction, norat how easily the Fast New World can seduce us away from them. Incidentally, with ourmodern urban, complex society, these ties frequently express themselves more as

social networks or circles of friends than as the merely neighborhood ties of traditionalcommunities.

Societal Barriers to Community and Inner Satisfaction

As people gradually shift gears away from the consumer society towards more authenticvalues, they quickly bump into the solid constraints of that society. Not surprisingly in aFast New World, the biggest blockage is lack of time. The simple act of listing theirvalues can provoke peoples frustrated question, Where can I ever find time for all ofthis when I can barely make ends meet?

This time famine is peculiarly American. Vacations tend to be short or nonexistent withpersonal or illness leave nearly as limited. In other developed countries, these are rightsguaranteed by lawas is medical insurance, which here often depends on employeeshanging on to a stressful job with long hours. Our fast-paced mindset sets a further andmore subtle constraint. How often do you see people wearing their frenetic pace as abadge of honor, making a virtue of skipping sleep and family events (to say nothing ofintrospection)?

The physical layout of our consumer world imposes its own barriers. Suburban sprawlbestows tender, loving care on cars, not people. Regional mega-malls, walled off byhundred-acre parking lots, promote less intimacy or small talk than the nearby storesalong our (mostly deceased) main streets. Commercial saturation promotes TV, videogames, and their addictiveness, not neighborhood get-togethers.

People who have begun torecalibrate their lives towardsgreater substance need torecognize these barriers inorder to move beyond themeffectively, so this handbookarranges many of the exercisesand tools in Sections 5-7 toaccommodate that. It allrequires effort, but when you

compare the achievable, satisfying, redefined American Dream at the end of it with thehollow good life now promoted which also requires a great investment, especially oftimeyou can easily sense the rewards that await.

[T]he clocks of commerce seek to ignore therhythms of the sun. Faithful to its ancient

imperative for survival, however, the humanbrain cannot.



18/44

18

Exercises: Re-imagining Community, Time Priorities, and Other Values

Exercise #1:Simple or side-by-side weighted lists: kinds of community and/orfamily activities (1) you now have, (2) youd like to have.

Exercise #2:Envision a priority list of things youd do if you had more spare time.Add ways to make that happen if they immediately occur to you.

Exercise #3:Make a short list of non-satisfying, time-gobbling obligations.Itemize them by reverse priority (starting from the least necessary and/orpressing). Imagine letting them go one at a time, then envision which prioritiesyou could replace them with from exercise #2.

The Liberated merican Dream


19/44

19

Section 4 ~Success Stories to Inspire You

Inner Satisfaction Equals Success

With the American Dream so embedded in our culture that itappears as the pursuit of Happiness in the Declaration ofIndependence, it is supremely ironic that happiness itselfreceived very little academic attention before the 1990s. But oncesuch studies appeared, they quickly increased enough infrequency so that by now they show robust correlations between

peoples value systems and their satisfaction in life. The results, it turns out, simply donotcorrelate with our current cultural icons of well-being. But they match up pretty wellwith the core values we noted in Section 3. Kaiser Permanente clinical psychologist, Dr.Yukio Okano, has graciously provided us with a summary of salient points from thesestudies. (See STUDIEStowards the end of this section.)

But here are a couple of generalities. The research has proven surprisingly consistentworld-wide across cultures and demographic groupings such as age. Well-beingdefinitely does improve with wealth up to modest level, the one at which people canmeet their basic needs with dignity. Though Madison Ave would have you believeotherwise, one does not need luxury cars or high-end homes with the latest kitchenappointments to satisfy basic needs with dignity. But a modest home, nutritious food onthe table, and basic health care definitely count. The latter item is one reason that somecountries with lower incomes but better public services fare higher in these surveys. Dr.Whybrow suggests that in money terms the basic-needs-in-dignity level kicks in at lessthan half the per-capita income of the U.S.

Countless real-life personal accounts strengthen the academic evidence. Typical arethe twenty stories in our separately published Get Satisfiedbook, four of which wesummarize immediately below. In these uplifting stories, people respond to challengesby taking refuge in their timeless values to discover well-being. The specific challengesvary greatly: from the avoidance of excessive stress through sudden job loss to life-threatening crisis. And despite a whole gamut of unique solutions to these crises,certain themes predominate:

Family and friends stand out with irreplaceable importance. When its a tradeoff between the former and a higher income, the money takes a

distance second. Taking care of ones health must be prioritized over other obligations. Unstructured time (relaxing with loved ones, doing favorite hobbies, walking in

nature, and so forth) usually counts more than over-scheduling. Regular thrift pays more in happiness in the long run than indebtedness, yet it

does not exclude prudent luxuries. Other less common themes also find echoes in the core values list of Section 3.


20/44

20

Inspiration fromGet Sat isf ied: How Twenty People Like You Found the Sat isfact ion o f Enoug h

The following four vignettes seek to capture both the flavor and the essence of thesetypical stories, and by extension a sense of these real-life people succeeding at the

crucial shift in perspective that we present throughout this handbook.

Todra PayneTHE GLAMOROUS LIFETodra knew what it meant to experience the New York City life of glamour that

most people can only aspire to. But despite fabulous income she lurched so much morefabulously into debt that she had no idea how to extract herself. However, she didnthave to. The 9-11 attacks did it for her when her design commissions evaporated.Surrounded by tragedy, she and her husband totally refocused their priorities, adopted abudget, moved to a modest home beyond the city, and discovered that occasionalluxuries are more wonderful than full-time ones that leave you in debt.

Andrew VietzeFOREST SOLITAIREAndrew had an enviable job. And he had a dream. For him, unfortunately, theywere not one and the same, and it was dragging his spirit down. But when he gazed outthe office window and noted the circling osprey, he realized his childhood dream wasstill calling: life as a park ranger. It required a lifelong dedication to thrift, but he, his wife,and his son have never looked back. Greater family closeness, meaningful work, andregular communion with nature far outweigh the more comfortable income.

Brian SimkinsHOW I STEPPED OFF THE LADDERBrian climbed high on the corporate ladderhis eyes ever upwardswith the

rewards bright and clear. At least he thought they were. But when his mother-in-lawtook him aside during a rare family vacation and remarked how hard and callous hedbecome, he needed just one look backdown from that ladder to warn him howprecariously his life had morphed. Onemonth later he resigned both from his joband his expensive lifestyle. He and hiswife may miss the perks, but theyluxuriate in weekends together and evenmore in the absence of 24-7 job stress.

Tamsen ButlerA BREATH OF LIFETamsen could hardly have been more committed to family; however, she was

even more committed to a regimen of work and structured activities to enrich her kids.But when her son developed a breathing disorder, she spent three nights at the hospitalcomforting him with one hand while frantically keeping current on her laptop with theother. And something snapped. She will never forget those nights nor their lesson:Unstructured down time with her kids is far healthier than over-scheduling. And sinceshe halted the multitasking, she has even found that the quality of her work hasimproved.

$ $$$$$$ $$ $$$$$$ $$ $$$$$$ $

Homo L iberatus


21/44

21

STUDIES: Satisfaction and Happiness

Historically, psychology and other mental health fields have focused on mental healthproblems and their treatment. However, recent trends have shown greater interest instudying positive emotions, positive behaviors, and the attainment of happiness.

Thus, an emerging field of positive psychology has been studying who is happy andwhat makes people happy.1

Interestingly, the basic research definition of happiness, often called subjective well-being, involves the idea of being satisfied or content. This view of happiness does notmean feeling euphoric or never experiencing negative emotions. Happiness is seenmore as living a thoughtful and meaningful life and experiencing more positive feelingsthan negative feelings.

Some important findings from happiness studies2include the following:

Happy people tend to have close friendships and/or a satisfying marriage. Happy people have meaningful work or leisure activities. Happy people usually have an active spiritual life. Happy people tend to be optimistic, outgoing, and agreeable. They are more

tolerant and willing to help others. Happy people take good care of themselves, including getting enough sleep and

exercise.

It is important to note that the association of these qualities with happiness does notmean a cause and effect relationship. That is, it is not clear that being happy causesclose friendships or vice versa, but the studies indicate there is a meaningfulrelationship between the two.

It is also interesting to find that happiness does not seem to be related to other factors,such as:

Age: People can be happy regardless of their age. Gender: Both men and women can be comparably happy. Parenthood: Happiness does not seem to be related to having children or not. Physical attractiveness: Physical beauty does not seem to be related to happiness.

STUDIES: Does Money Buy Happiness?

Given the strong emphasis on consumerism and materialism in our society,this is a significant question. Various research studies3have examined thisissue. Some important findings include:

People who have a lot of money do tend to be happier than people who arestruggling to have the basic necessities of life such as food and shelter.

HOWEVER, once people have enough to meet their basic needs, having moremoney matters less and less.

$


22/44

22

A study of 22 lottery winners showed an initial euphoria but, over time, a return toprevious levels of happiness.4

People who are very wealthy seek more wealth, but they show no increase inhappiness even when they make more money.

People who strive the hardest for wealth tend to be unhappier than people whostrive for good relationships, personal growth, and contributing to their community.

A good take-home message about money comes from Drs. David Myers and Ed Diener,two well-known researchers in the study of happiness: once people are able toafford lifes necessities, increasing levels of affluence matter surprisingly little Wealth,it seems, is like health: Its absence can breed misery, yet having it is no guarantee ofhappiness.5

STUDIES: Sources

1 An overview of positive psychology can be found at:

Peterson, C. (2006). A primer in positive psychology. New York: Oxford University Press.

2 Summaries of happiness research can be found at:

Myers, D. (2010). Psychology. New York: Worth Publishers.

Flora, C. (2009). The pursuit of happiness. Psychology Today, Jan/Feb, 60-69.

3 Studies on materialism can be found at:

Myers, D. (2000). The American paradox: spiritual hunger in an age of plenty. New Haven: YaleUniversity Press.

Kasser, T. (2002). The high price of materialism. Cambridge: MIT Press.

4 Brickman, P. et al. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: is happiness relative? Journalof Personality and Social Psychology, 36, 917-927.

5 Myers, D. & Diener, E. (1995). Who is happy? Psychological Science, 6, 10-17.

Exercises: Learning from Real-life Examples Present or Past

Exercise #1:List anyone you know of (past or present) who has found thesatisfaction of enough. (It need not be total success; in fact partial progress mightseem more achievable.)

Exercise #2:Out of the previous list, pick the single trait oraccomplishment that most inspires you from each person you chose.What is the first step you could take to imitate it?

Exercise #3:For each choice, decide which barrier is the strongest you experiencein trying to implement it. If it is inner resistance, can you define it? If it is peerpressure, do you feel it more as a need to hold on to a status symbol, are you moreconcerned about what others will say, or is it something else?


23/44

23

Section 5 ~Practice Makes (Perfect) Satisfaction

Overall Purpose of Part III

At this point the Get Satisfiedhandbook assumes that you havefound its themes compelling enough to consider refocusing yourlifestyle away from the Fast New World and towards your corevalues, the basis for the satisfaction of enough. Our goal inSections 5-7 is to engage you, as much as possible and ashassle-free as possible, in practical methods to accomplish this.Therefore, we ask that you not regard these techniques and toolsas rules to cure the stress of American Mania. They are simplyguidelines.

These guidelines endeavor to offer you a reasonably large and varied selection ofresources so that you may feel free to pick and choose think of it as a buffet menurather than a prescription diet. The very act of selecting only items that seem genuinelyappropriate might come to stand as a metaphor for letting go of automatic consumeristbehaviors that drain youand replacing them with authentic ones that invigorate you.This pathway works because it is uniquely yours.

As you follow this new direction, consider one caveat. When in doubt, especially if thedesired shift seems overwhelming, think slow and easy. New habits generally takepractice. Especially for folks hip-deep in stress, extra pressure guarantees thatenthusiasm for change will quickly evaporate. This handbook recommends the attitudethat if a new pattern is good for you, then it should actually feelgood overall, even ifsomewhat strange, so if the new habits increase the pressure on you, its fine to slowdown.

Start with the Basics

One of the more pernicious effects of our supercharged economy is that its demandsdrive people away not only from their core values but even from their physiological well-being. As a quick inventory of how you are faring here, take a look at these threefundamentals of health:

regular and sufficient sleep a varied, nutritious diet that minimizes fast or processed food frequent vigorous (preferably enjoyable) exercise

If your heart sinks at the mere thought of these admittedly wonderful habits becauseyou lack the time or energy for them, chances are that our turbocharged economic orderhas you firmly in its clutches.


24/44

24

Even if you manage reasonably well in these fundamentals but constantly struggle tomake room for them, you are still dealing with an economic order that undervaluespersonal well-being. Thus individuals must simply affirm their right (a sacred right if youwill) to physiological health and to the time necessary for maintaining it. To claim thatright, you may try this modified version of exercise #3, Section 3:

Make a short list of non-satisfying, time-gobbling obligations. Itemize them byreverse priority (starting from the least necessary and/or pressing). Imaginereplacing them one at a time with wholesome choices based on the above list(e.g. adding a brisk morning walk, getting to bed a half-hour earlier, orsubstituting more home-cooked meals in place of microwave pop-ins).

Incidentally, Section 6 provides a number of tools and techniques designed to bebroadly applied as you refocus your lifestyle. There you will hopefully find additionalideas to support you with this particular issue as well as the other themes that Section 5brings up.

Imaging an Authentic Values-Driven Lifestyle

You might think of this theme as armoring your inner spirit. Lets begin with thatsuggested list of timeless values from Section 3:

Strong families and well-brought-up kids Self-sufficiency Independence of mind (a subset of the above) Thrift and planning for the future Community spirit and interaction Volunteerism and community service

Spirituality

As you meditate on these coreprinciples plus any others thatstrike you as similarly basic,concentrate on the traits thatmost resonate with you, recallingas well any that you noted inprevious exercises. If you wouldlike something to help jog yourthinking, consider this short list of

ways that your core values mightbe expressed:

Home-cooked meals withfamily or friends

Artistic or other creativepursuits

Yearly (or more frequent)vacations


25/44

25

Hiking or nature walks (parks, too) Volunteering for causes Plenty of space for spirituality Sufficient room for relaxation or down time Healthy savings account and minimal consumer debt

Civic activity (neighborhood, church, hobby club, etc.)

The following exercise offers some steps you can take to immediately begin expressingmore of these values. Feel free, if you prefer, to concentrate on just one trait at a time.For this exercise imagine that exterior obstacles have disappeared (not to worry, wellget back to them).

Step One: Simply assume you have the right to manifest these values. Step Two: Acknowledge the degree to which you already practice them. When

unsure of yourself, be bold; self-effacement doesnt work here. Step Three: Spend a little time to picture yourself as fully embracing them.

You can greatly strengthen this exercise by using tools from Section 6, specifically

Positive Reinforcers.

Overcoming Barriers to Core Values (i.e. Resigning from the Rat Race)

No program of self-improvement is really complete without a set of obstacles to workthrough, but in this case the Fast New World has erected a truly monumental set ofthem. Wellbriefly cover three principal barriers along with suggestions for counteringthem.

The great American time famine and financial cliff-hangerHow does one deal with a job market that can go so far beyond requiring

conscientious performance of duties as to effectively demand that the job be theemployeeslife? In Section 3 we touched on such symptoms of this phenomenon asminimal or nonexistent vacation leave. To claim back your time:

Achieve financial security (see fourth bullet down) so that you can safely: Negotiate fewer work hours or duties or: Quit after having located a less soul-devouring job. Beware of the financial cliff-hangerwhich at best means living from paycheck to

paycheck and at worst seeing the collection-agency wolf at the door. To addressthis:

Resign from consumption addiction (see below) then: Pay down debt and build savings. (More under both Practical Considerations

and the resources listed in the Taking Ownership part ofSection 6)

Consumption addiction (a.k.a. rat-race heaven)Here lies the beating heart of the consumerist Fast New World. And here you find

the really accessible point to begin moving away from the endless stress of racing justto keep upand towards the calm certainty that your intrinsic values can give you alifestyle of dignity and satisfaction. Suggested steps:


26/44

26

Recall what we previously discussed: modern consumerism strives to co-opthuman needs rather than to serve them.

Become acutely conscious of the hype and its inconvenient truth: Yourunconditional entitlement to instant gratification is (to hype it a bit) the greatestfraud ever perpetrated on the American consumer.

Your true entitlement (and satisfaction) derives fromliving well, andwell within your meansallowing youto pay down debt and build savings.

Beware of the mass-marketers creed: your brainsreward circuits are made for hijacking. Indeed whenthese pathways become overloaded in ourcommercial-saturated culture, it becomes difficult todistinguish fleeting wants from lasting needs. It mighthelp to look at it this way: Giving in too frequently tothe siren call of fleeting wants is a sure ticket to rat-race heaven.

Mindful indulgences (within budget) are part of the fun of life. For more onkeeping them on a short leash, see wants and needs under PracticalConsiderations in Section 6)

Peer pressure and status envyBy co-opting our ancient need for community interaction and approval from

others, marketers have hit upon a sure way to keep us on the consumer treadmill. (Trynot to mix this metaphor with the rat race.) Nothing better displays spin doctorsinventiveness than the myriad new ways they make the latest luxury the coolest thing intown, the fad that all your friends are talking about and so forth. Ideas for counteringthis:

Cut back on commercial TV viewing. It spares your brain circuits and frees uptime.

Use the time to think up clever retorts to colleagues and friends who sing thepraises of their stuff and urge it on you.

The best retort is the pride people hear when you discuss how youve put yourmoney to work for your future.

More basically, meditate on creating a new status symbol: the self-chosenlifestyle.

Meditate also on attracting more people into your circle of friends who havesimilar mindsets.

The trouble with the

rat race is that even

i f you w in, you're

sti l l a rat.

attributed to LilyTomlin


27/44

27

Section 6 ~Satisfaction Toolbox

Positive Reinforcers

All these reinforcers work in comparable ways to strengthen the neural networksassociated with self-image and enabling behavior.

Positive thinking: This resembles the first step of the values imagining in Section 5where you just assume its so. Lets say youre working on impulse buying. If yourepeatedly tell yourself youve got the willpower to walk away from that beckoningtemptation, the impulse doesnt vanish, but your new image sucks some of the powerout of it.

Mental sleight of hand:This mental trick lets you flip an event on its backside bytwisting a single trait. Letssay your colleague makes a grand display of his brand-new$500 fully loaded digital camera, and you feel the allure. But instead you laser-focus onan image of $500 going up in smoke, leaving behind a big black hole in your pocket.

Affirmations: If you would like to formalize positive thinking for a shorthand kind ofregular access, create an affirmation. Example: This evening no fast-food cop out. Myspouse and I will prepare a natural food meal and the kids will enjoy it. Of course thekids will probably gripe, but affirm their enjoyment anyhowsome day theyll thank youfor it.

Meditation:You might consider the relaxation techniques that go with meditation asputting you in a state similar to auto-hypnosis. It certainly makes your mind morereceptive to what is basically an affirmation. Whether it be deep breathing, repetition ofa mantra, or simply visualizing a tranquil and beautiful place, meditation is a powerfulinternalizing tool for what are, after all, your core values.

Guided meditation: This is a multi-step meditationthat works like a story, makes the experience feel likea short quest, and works well with a workshop orgroup discussion, though individuals can also use it toadvantage. In keeping with the spirit of this handbook,

the leader of a group should specify that the guideddirections are only suggestions for how participantsshould imagine the exercise. Meditations, like all thepositive reinforcers, work well for any and all issues.

Sample guided meditation:Focus: Breaking the debt/overwork cycle. Begin withdeep breathing and relaxing all your muscles. Now imagine you are undertaking a

journey from this spot and that on your back you carry the immense burden of all that

Satisfaction

of Enough


28/44

28

debt and overwork. Your goal is a beautiful and spiritual place (such as a forestmeadow strewn with flowers, an ancient sanctuary, or an enormous and gloriousgarden). As you shoulder your burden it prevents you from reaching that beautiful spot,which you gaze on from afar. As the distant beauty beckons, imagine setting down allthat overspending and overworking, so that you can at last enter the place. With deep

breathing you drink in the beautythe beauty of your inner values of a debt-free life.Once you fully understand, return, burden-free, to where you started the journey with anew sense of purpose. (Remember, this is but a single example. The potential variety isinfinite.)

Journaling:This technique goes well with any of the above, except that along withthinking, affirming, etc, you are writing it down. For many people the act of writing andthe tangible record powerfully reinforce the positive message.

Practical Considerations

Practical considerations offers a more down-to-earth series of steps than in Section 5for people who are struggling with all the interconnected stresses of consumerism.

Wants vs. needs:Heres the number one stumbling block for people who want tofree themselves from debt in order to take charge first of their finances and then of theirlives. Satisfying needsgives us enough to live in comfort and dignity and buildhappiness. Succumbing too much to wantsdelivers only a buzz, short-term pleasure,insufficient for happiness and addictive in nature so that it can never satisfy. Think of achocolate sundae with whipped cream vs. veggies with a side of whole grains. Whichone gives long life? And which one is fabulous only if used sparingly? Thus we need toremain ever watchful for

Consumption addiction:Picture your neural pathways incessantly short-circuiting.Turn off the juice or youll fry. Regrettably this becomes inordinately difficult for peoplesubjected to constant stress. This brings us to the critical personal juncture in our hyper-commercialized culture:

The overwork, indebtedness, psychic-exhaustion cycle:Imagine a relativelytypical American family who got caught in the hype and became overextended. Nowthey work long hours, seldom pay more than the minimum on their credit cards, andsuffer from time famine. With little chance to decompress, they sink deeper into stress, ifnot immediately into debt. But psychically exhausted, they fall easy prey to commercial

enticementsome desperately needed indulgence to help them forget. And thisperpetuates the cycle.

Breaking free of the cycle:The family portrayed above may not be exactlyaverage, but plenty of average families feel dangerously close to the same predicament.One might think that for them, focusing on their inner values, their innate satisfaction ofenough, is a bit unrealistic. We say, however, that the focus of this handbook can servethem at least as well as most anything else: Here is a practical set of steps:


29/44

29

a. Awareness first:Forewarned is forearmed. People must understand that oureconomy, as explained earlier, is exquisitely well set up to snare people intooverspending, but poorly prepared to protect them. Knowing this, people canspot the traps.

b. Say no to the hype:Even when psychically exhausted, with willpower they can

now avoid indulgences. Furthermore, once they understand how their fatiguegets manipulated, they can more easily create relaxing moments to plan for theirfuture.

c. Work on the worst debt first:Consolidate or at least pay down credit cards, moreeasily done now that they are spending less.

d. Strategize spending and debt:As bills get paid off, stress decreases even if workremains harsh. Now its easier to substitute low-cost, uplifting activities forspendthrift ones, such as a Sunday walk in nature instead of a stroll in the mall.

e. Go full speed for the satisfaction of enough as set out in Section 5.

Ten Easy Steps to the Satisfaction of Enough

These steps hopefully set off some of the more serious discussions earlier in thehandbook with a veryaccessible, if not too comprehensive, review of satisfactionguidelines. We call these Ten EasySteps not only due to their accessibility butbecause they accommodate you. As with everything else in these pages, if the stepsring true, try them out; if they dont, give them a pass.

Balance is Golden:When obligations or expenses weigh you down tothe point of toppling over, simply assume that balanceis yourconstitutional right. If you offload some of that deadweight in the shortterm and stand tall, youll accomplish more in the long run anyway.

Make a List, Check it Twice:Actually its two lists. Check off things (or commitments)as either uplifting or a drag. Begin visualizing ways that items in the drag column mightwind up in the recycling bin.

Just Say No:Saying no is another constitutional right thats easy to forget because ofthose irrefutable reasons for carrying that millstone around. Antidote: Focus on vitalareas of your life that would prosper once you do chuck the millstone.

Buy i t Vir tually :If you really feel an urge to acquire something, do so in your mind.Keep it there and see how much you really need it. If the appeal has faded after amonth, you might give it a pass. This approach also works wonders with newopportunities to overcommit yourself.

Weigh i t wi th Humor:When people face really difficult choices and get dead seriousabout them, dead becomes an operative word. Finding a little humor anywhere in theprocess can help amazingly to restore perspective and build a sense of empowerment.


30/44

30

Smel l the Roses:Regular quiet time might mean anything from a morning jog to aSunday walk in the woods to an evening with your favorite music. Regardless, it tunesout the hubbub and tunes you in to your own voice.

Whos e Li fe is i t Anyway?Feel free to apply this question when you balance your core

values against exterior ones, such as those of commercialism, societal fads, or evenyour workplace.

Take a Social Break:Spending more time with valued family, friends, and communitygroups helps you discover some of the most satisfying ways to use your resources andtime.

Cons ider a Clutter Expiration Date:Even that special rainy day treasure will find ahappier home elsewhere if it only serves to get underfoot. Try setting a limit either inyears or layers of dustthen chuck it without a backward glance.

Loo k at the Big Picture:People at the ends of their lives seldom regret they didntspend more time at the office.

Taking Ownership of the Values-Driven Life

For those undertaking a search for inner satisfaction, we acknowledge that thishandbook offers only a beginning. We urge you, however, to internalize the journey andto continue to investigate it on your own. Because of the breadth of the subject, youmay already have more information at your fingertips than you might at first realize.Here are just a few more likely spots:

?

Vs.

Two Roads Your Choice


31/44

31

The self-help field: You are probably already aware of a large spectrum of titles inthe areas of positive thinking, affirmations, and so forth.Spirituality and religion: Few topics resonate more with the worlds great faithsthan those we have covered here. The religiously devout will undoubtedly findenormous resources in their churches or temples.

The internet, circles of family and friends, and even to an extent the mass mediamay be other sources to explore.Here also are some other support resources:

Alternatives for Simple Livingwww.simpleliving.orgFaith-based services

Consume this Movie!www.consumethismovie.comFeature-length shopumentary

New American Dreamwww.newdream.orgBeyond Consumption helpPost-Consumer Bill of RightsQuality of Life resources

New Road Map Foundationwww.financialintegrity.orgwww.yourmoneyoryourlife.infoYour Money or Your Life programs

Simple Living Network

www.simpleliving.netDiscussion forumsGroups databaseResource E-Store

Simple Living TVwww.simplelivingtv.netSimple Living with Wanda UrbanskaNational public television series

Take Back Your Timewww.timeday.org

www.right2vacation.orgCampaign to end time famine

The Story of Stuffwww.storyofstuff.comTwenty-minute film in all formatsEducational resources


32/44

32

Section 7 ~ Creating Postconsumer Kids

Whose Best Interests?

For those who are applying this handbook in part to childrenslives, the following information will help kids becomepostconsumers - consuming mindfully whenever possible with aneye toward the satisfaction of enough. Lets start with a given:We all want whats in the best interests of our children. We allwant to give them as many advantages as we can while theyembark upon lifes journey.

One of the myths and erroneous assumptions in our consumer-driven culture is that thismeans providing them with the full number of material goods and extracurricularactivities we can reasonably manage. After all, when lots of other kids have and are

doing the latest things, it seems as though our children will surely be at a disadvantagewithout them (which they might be quick to point out).

In fact, here are the typical results of the advantage that high-throttle materialismprovides to American children:

Dampened creativity - Children need unstructured, open-ended toys so that theirimaginations create most of the play experience. In other words, they need to think forthemselves as they grow. Many, if not most, commercial products put the child withinthe toys universe instead of the reverse, so that the child comes to accept thecompanys definition of their relationship.

Distorted values - In a materialistic setting, children often measure familial love anddevelop their value system according to how much stuff they have. They forget ornever have a chance to learn that the best things in life arent things.

Unrealistic expectations - The constant stimulation of our fast-paced society makesnormal life seem dull to many children. They come to expect more and more andmore without limits, which is simply a road to disillusionment without limits.

Diminished self-esteem - In such a troubled milieu, children often think that what theyhave is actually more important than who they are. They tend to view their own self-worth in terms of how they measure up to others and the stockpiles in the stores,which is rarely satisfactory.

Upon reflection, these results seem more like damages than advantages, no matterwhat conventional wisdom says. It is essential, then, to rethink the adage and basethe foundation of our childrens best interests on what is actually of benefit -- spendingtime with them, involving them in decision-making, helping them become resourceful


33/44

33

and empowered young people, showing love in all you do. A lighter footprint on theearth for our kids and ourselves is also in the best interests of our endangered planet.

A Few Words about Pressure from Peers

The effect of peer pressure on children is very real and often underestimated.Increasingly as children grow older, it can have the impact of somewhere around a 7.8earthquake. What can be done about the tremendous pressure on kids to consume andconform to the rules of the pack, especially where possessions and clothes areconcerned?

First, understanding the confusing push-pull situation that children find themselves in isa crucial step. If we are sensitive to their dilemmas and as supportive as possible oftheir best attempts to resolve their problems, we will hopefully avoid sending them into atail spin where all of their options seem nearly impossible. Sometimes the resolutionsthey come up with will be remarkably courageous in the powerful world of potential

social ostracism, and sometimes the resolutions they arrive at will discourage us. Butbeing part of each childs team as she or he negotiates these difficult waters is worth alot.

Second, help children develop their own alternate peer group friends wheneverpossible. Try to build community in support of a less commercial childhood experience,perhaps through like-minded playgroups, church activities or Get Satisfied workshops.Forming toy, clothing or food coops, often through schools, helps to build friendshipsand teaches the joys of cooperation and sharing.

Third, this topic in particular is where the childs independent and critical thinking skillscan make or break success. Learning to think for themselves and feeling good aboutwho they are can be the most significant tools that children have in navigating thewhitewater rapids of peer pressure.

A Few Words about Pressure from the Media

Commercial bombardment of our children throughout their growing years is now thestuff of legend bordering on societal nightmare, and it has a severe impact whether ornot we seek to limit its influence. Raising kids in a bubble without commercial televisionor electronic devices, for example, is extremely difficult and still doesnt protect themfrom grinding media pressure to consume. There really is no escape in ourhypermaterialistic culture, although of course its good to reduce the presence ofadvertising in all forms whenever possible.

Lets use this minefield as a chance to become more involved with our children andeven have a good time doing it! The whole family can make a game of critiquingcommercial messages and proving them biased, wrong or just plain dumb (commercialscan also be silenced as a matter of course). Role-playing as advertisers with products


34/44

34

they make up is a great way for children to poke fun at the ridiculous idea that otherpeople can tell us what is cool.

A Few Words about Pressure from You

Its so important that children participate in the consumption decision -making that affects them as much as possible and as early as possible.This builds inner, rather than just outer, discipline and helps to minimize thechances of rebellion and reversals when the outer mechanisms of control

vary with time. The quest for self-reliance is aided when children are able to earn theirown money and develop responsibility for it. In general, foster mutual respect by beingreasonable and by learning from kids as they learn from you. Modeling the appropriatebehavior we seek to instill is always a solid foundation.

Many times, though, there will be strong differences of opinion between children andadults about consumption decisions, and each family has its own set of varying

circumstances. Perhaps the child has received great environmental information atschool and wants the family to lighten up on purchases against adult wishes! Perhapsthe immediate family will be in basic alignment on these issues but extended relatives(however well-meaning) will need to be shown the Whose Best Interests? section ofthis workbook in order to understand the damage of materialism. Much of the time,however, it will be the kids who want more and more stuff at every turn.

When this occurs, here are some strategies that adults can use to help in setting limits:

Hold regular age-appropriate family meetings (using good communication andlistening skills) where budgetary, ecological and other factors can be weighed.

Try instituting a get one/give one plan, where the basic numbers of toys, clothes,etc. are generally agreed and each purchase means a donation from inventory toothers in need. This helps children truly experience the satisfaction of enough.

Especially with young children, try rotating toys so that some are always in storageand out of view. A half a year later when they come out of the boxes, they will seemnew and exciting - no kidding, it works.

Never go shopping without an agreed-upon plan for the purpose of the trip. Impulsebuying or a fill-the-cart-with-whatever approach will backfire sooner or later. If

something else is spotted in the store, it goes on the list for the future unless there isan actual immediate need for it (see Delay below).

Use positive rather than negative consequences to reinforce desired behavior andconsumption decisions. Rewards (hopefully nonmaterial) can give a child more ofyou, which is better than stuff any day.

If all else fails in a particular effort to set limits, try a 3-Dstrategy:


35/44

35

Discuss: Keep talking, and after that, talk some more. Delay: Post a list on the bulletin board where new wants are noted - let time pass. Distract: This can work wonders for the very young. Look at that pretty bird!!

The GAME Plan

Children are probablymore likely to beresponsive to playingpostconsumer gamesthan taking seriousapproaches to theissue. This canactually be great fun,especially since we alllove challenges, right?

Lets energize ourfamilies to take on thechallenge of justsaying no to buyingthings we dont value.It can be one of themost positive,galvanizing,stimulating times oftheir lives. Right fromthe start, show

children that this isnow a vibrant part ofthe family tradition. Reorient family celebrations to include this theme and share it withothers. Start or augment a family scrapbook or journal so that it is filled with personalstories and pictures of your postconsumer family heritage. Certificates of recognitionare another good way to help kids feel validated in these efforts.

So here are some fun ways to play games, run contests, and enjoy activities withchildren that keep materialism in its place:

Use the stories and songs in the Appendix for inspiration and create your own.

Drop uncooked kidney beans into a prominently displayed jar whenever someonewalks away from an unnecessary purchase that might otherwise have been made.When its full (gage the size jar so it doesnt take too long), everyone guesses howmany beans it contains. The closest gets to choose the family activities for a week.


36/44

36

Run a weekly (daily? monthly?) contest via charts on the wall for the person whoresists the greatest number of unneeded purchases or the strongest impulse to buy.Who can buy the least each week? Who can wait the longest before shopping?

Gifts at birthdays and holidays can be handmade, coupons for backrubs or other fun,

group exchange where each person brings/takes one, and donations of money ortime to a charity chosen by the child. Litter clean-ups make great parties!

Read together, exercise together, go on nature walks, garden/cook together, makeglorious and boundless art projects with scraps of every kind, you name it.

Visit www.postconsumers.com (launching January 1, 2010) or call 1-877-Unstuff formore about Get Satisfied: How to Find the Satisfaction of Enough. All feedback isextremely welcome.


37/44

37

APPENDIX

Childrens Stories

More Land and Your Land

The Further Adventures of Enuf

Another Store Land Discovery

Childrens Songs

This Land is More Land(tune: This Land is Your Land by Woody Guthrie)

All I Really Need(tune Twinkle Twinkle Little Star nursery rhyme)


38/44

38

More Land and Your Landby Carol Holst

On a day like today, in a place not far away, therewas a land called More Land. It was called MoreLand because many of the grownups and thechildren always wanted to have more of everythingthey could get. They wanted more food than theyneeded to eat, more clothes than they needed towear, more toys than they needed to play with, andmore houses than they needed to live in. The people

in More Land even had special machines, called Grabbers, thatbrought them more of whatever they wanted whenever theywanted.

But the children knew that there was something wrong in MoreLand. No matter how much the people had, they were not happyor satisfied -- they always wanted even more! They did not careas much about each other and their land as they did about theirthings. And they were always thinking about money, because

they thought they never had enough.

Now, the children in More Land had a special mouse friend, and,as it happens, her name was Enuf. Enuf was smart and told thechildren about another land far away called Your Land. In YourLand, people were happy most of the time because they cared alot about each other and preserved their land. They saved theirmoney because they knew about the satisfaction of enough.

They actually figured out how to think for themselves. Enuf said,I know, you kids can show the grownups how to change! Youcan help turn More Land into Your Land!

So the children decided to surprise the grownups and told themthat they didnt need so many toys after all. The grownups were


39/44

39

amazed and decided that they didnt need so many things either.The people in More Land started to feel much happier, becausenow they had more time to enjoy family, friends and nature. Theydidnt even use their grabbers anymore. Peace and love filled the

land, and pretty soon More Land was called Your Land too.

Since the Grabbers were just standingaround now, the children decided to givethem to Enuf. Thank you for helping us,they said. Maybe you can think ofsomething to do with these old Grabbers.Well, the story doesnt have to end here, so

what do you think Enuf decided to do?


40/44

40

The Further Adventures of Enufby Carol Holst

Enuf was so glad to find such a clever usefor the old Grabbers that she decided to takea vacation. She went to a place that she hadnever visited before, and it was called StoreLand. To tell the truth, Enuf was sort ofthinking that the boys and girls in Store Landmight need the same kind of help she hadgiven in More Land, before it turned into

Your Land. She just loved to help children learn about thesatisfaction of enough. In fact, she just loved to help childrenlearn. In fact, she just loved to help!

When Enuf got to Store Land, she discovered that -- you guessedit -- it was full of stores. And the stores were full of everything thatthe people and other living things in Store Land needed. Therewere food stores and clothing stores and furniture stores and toystores. Enuf thought it would be nice to buy a different toy for the

children in Your Land, since they hadnt gotten one for about ayear.

Taking care of the little toy store that Enuf walked into was abouncy, joyful bunny named Buddy. Enuf thought and thoughtabout what to get the girls and boys (everything looked so good),but she noticed that there were no price tags. How much moneydoes this toy cost? she asked. Buddy stopped bouncing and

stared at her. Whats money? he said.

Imagine Enufs surprise to learn that there was no such thing asmoney in Store Land! How do people pay for what they need?she asked. Buddy looked at her like he couldnt believe she reallydidnt know. Why, they bring in something nice they made or


41/44

41

grew or dont need anymore before they take something out, ofcourse. Enuf gasped. Now, why hadnt she thought of that?

Excuse me, she said to Buddy, I have to go

now, but Illbe back. I like this place. As fastas her little mouse feet could carry her, sheran all the way back to Your Land to tell thechildren about the idea she had learned.What do you think of it?


42/44

42

Another Store Land Discoveryby Carol Holst

Joy, the cat, waited patiently for Enuf to joinher. The two friends wanted to go back toStore Land together, since Joy could hardlybelieve the stories that Enuf told about it.No money! The very idea! Joy knew thatsince Enuf was smart enough to help turn

More Land into Your Land, she was smart enough to figure outhow lots of people could trade the things they needed. Anyway,Joy loved teaching children about the satisfaction of enough, justas much as Enuf did.

At last they arrived in Store Land and hardly knew where to turnfirst. Over here! shouted Enuf, as she ran up to a sign that read:

THE FINEST TOYS IN STORE LANDOh boy, now they were really going to see some great stuff, and

just think, none of it cost money.

Inside, a frog named Frugal was waiting for them. Welcome tothe finest toys in Store Land! he croaked. Enuf and Joy lookedand blinked and looked and blinked. The room was empty,except for a bunch of tables where excited children were puttingtogether scraps of wood and cloth and beads and leaves andpaper and pebbles and beans and sticks andwell, you name it.

Joy scratched her head. But where are the toys? she asked.

The children are making them! Frugal said proudly. Enuf wasstarting to understand, but Joy would not keep quiet: No, I meanthe toys that a machine makes that have certain names everyoneknows. Oh, do you mean the toys that all sort of look like eachother? asked Frugal. Yes! exclaimed Joy.


43/44

43

Quick as a flash, Frugal jumped up andheaded them toward another room. Wereprocessing them right over here, he said,as they watched children paint all kinds of

toys with spots and dots and blots, changingthe way each one looked. Joy gasped, but

Enuf just smiled. I can just imagine what would happen if thesetoys all seemed the same, croaked Frugal. Why, the girls andboys would feel like they had to play a certain way, instead of howthey really want to play. Boys would all think they should playwith the same superheroes, and girls would all think they shouldplay with the same fashion dolls Frugal stopped to shudder.

Whoops! Gotta go! said Enuf and Joy at the same moment.Theres something we need to do right away! And what do youthink it was?


44/44

Postconsumer Childrens Songs

Lyrics by Carol Holst

This Land is More Land(Sing to the tune of This Land is Your Land by Woody Guthrie)

This land is More Land,It could be Your Land.There is so much thatWe hold in our hands.We wont find real joyWith more and more toys.This land was made for you and me.

All I Really Need(Sing to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)

I have all I really need -Those who love and care for me,

A happy heart and healthy mind,All natures treasures I can find.

Things in stores are not so hot -There isnt much I havent got.

Documents

Get Satisfied Handbook