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OVEREXCITABILITIES:
UNDERSTANDING AND SUPPORTING
INTENSITYGallatin Gifted Group
October 15, 2012
INTRODUCTION
Welcome! Who we are: Barbara Geller, Wendy Morical Connections for parents
Gallatin Gifted Group mailing list SENG group
Our goal this evening
“If just being smart is all there is to being gifted, then what’s the problem?”
–Living with Intensity, Rivero
GIFTED INDIVIDUALS
EXPERIENCE LIFE DIFFERENTLY
You are packing the last of the boxes on the moving van when you spy your 10-year-old carefully tearing a bit of wallpaper from the living room. Upon closer examination, you see that he has pieces of wallpaper from every room tucked away in a shoebox. “These will help me remember every room in the most special house in the world,” he explains to you.
- These samples are from Delisle’s Parenting Gifted Kids
You take your teenage daughter to an art museum and split up so each family member can visit his or her favorite galleries. An hour later, you find your daughter just where you left her, and there are tears in her eyes. “This single painting carries the essence of what it means to be human,” she says. It’s then that you realize she has spent her whole time gazing at this one piece of artwork.
Your son’s teacher sends you a note that reads, “Although I love Joey’s enthusiasm, he must stop shouting out his answers in class. Also, please talk to him about the incessant tapping of his pencil, and his need to sit down when he is doing his worksheets.”
After your 4-year-old falls in the driveway, scraping her knee, you take her in your arms to comfort her tears. Once soothed, she looks you straight in the eye and says, “Mommy, it’s never going to get better than this.”
“In ways both subtle and all-too-obvious, society tries to transform unique perceptions into commonplace, standard-issue behaviors, beliefs, perceptions, and attitudes. When this occurs, we chip away … the essence of giftedness.
– Parenting Gifted Kids, Delisle
SO, WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? “Gifted children take in information from
the world around them; they react and respond more quickly and intensely than other children. They are stimulated both by what’s going on around them and by what moves them from within.”
“Because they can be so greatly stimulated, and because they perceive and process things differently, gifted children are often misunderstood.”
Living with Intensity, Daniels and Piechowski
“ A child, rich in intensities and sensitivities, cannot be brought down to the “normal” range… Gifted children should not be pressed to “fit in” with all of the other children the same age. Rather, their capacity for intense experiencing is an asset that deserves to be understood and affirmed instead of squashed.”Living with Intensity, Daniels and Piechowski
HOW DO WE NURTURE AND SUPPORT THESE INTENSE WAYS OF EXPERIENCING LIFE ?
Educate ourselves Communicate Model Advocate Celebrate!
DOBROWSKI’S THEORY Theory of Positive Disintegration
Kazimierz Dabrowski Viewed “superstimulatability” as potential for
further growth Disintegration as a prelude to rebuilding Emotional development is result
Development Potential – three factors Genetic traits: talents, specific abilities, general
intelligence Overexcitibilities Capacity for self-determination, autonomy
Five Overexcitabilities Innate tendencies to respond to various stimuli Experience of things may be deeper, more vivid,
more acutely sensed
OVEREXCITABILITIES “…greater capacity to be stimulated by
and respond to external and internal stimuli. Overexcitability permeates a gifted person’s existence. Whether it’s music, language, physical sensing, kinesthetic activity, imagination, or something intellectual, an overexcitability orients and focuses [him]. Overexcitability gives energy to [his] intelligence and talents. It shapes [his] personality development.”
Note: this quote, and the following overexcitability information is taken directly from Living With Intensity, edited by Daniels and Piechowski.
PSYCHOMOTOR INTENSITY
“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.”
–Martha Graham, 1894 - 1991
PSYCHOMOTOR INTENSITY Muscular activity associated with mental High energy level Not associated with athletic talent; due
to asynchrony, that may even lag behind
Movement facilitates learning May be verbally active as outlet “Enthusiastic, driven, competitive,
acting out…” May be misdiagnosed as ADHD
PSYCHOMOTOR According to Daniels, these children
need to hear:“You have wonderful enthusiasm and
energy.”“I wish I had your energy.”“You put your whole body into your
learning.”“Your intensity [drive] can help you do
many things.”“Sometimes our bodies need to relax.”
PSYCHOMOTORStrategies to support children
Discuss positive aspects of OE.Plan for movement, avoid prolonged sitting. Involve child in physical tasks – errands?Teach that time out can be a choice, not
punishment.Model and teach relaxation techniques.Help child notice signs of exhaustion or
need for quiet time.
SENSUAL INTENSITY
“The spectacle of the sky overwhelms me. I’m overwhelmed when I see, in an immense sky, the crescent of the moon, or the sun.”
–Joan Miró, 1893 – 1983
SENSUAL INTENSITY Heightened experience, both + and -, of
seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, and hearing
Often coupled with enhanced aesthetic appreciation
Smell may evoke deep, positive emotional connection – or strong aversion
Finicky eater – or gourmand Sounds can be soothing, uplifting – or highly
irritating Sensitive to touch (labels, socks); may
appreciate comfort objects longer Not exaggerating! Experience is real to them
SENSUAL According to Daniels, these children
need to hear:“You take such delight in beautiful sights,
sounds, and feelings.”“You like ________, but I notice _______
bothers you.”“It seems you know what you like and what
feels good to you.”“Sometimes, it’s good to try new things.
Would you like to try________?”
SENSUALStrategies to support children
Discuss positive aspects of OE.Provide environments that limit offensive
stimuli.“Dwell in delight”! – make time to relish
pleasures.Allow for child to control own living space as
much as possible.Help the child find comfortable and
appropriate clothing.Allow for prolonged attachments to objects.
INTELLECTUAL INTENSITY
“My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.”
- Stephen Hawking, born 1942
INTELLECTUAL INTENSITY Capacity and appetite for intellectual effort
and stimulation Quest for understanding, truth Curiosity, “Why?” questions, fixations Mental multi tasking; thinking own “what if…”
thoughts, also following along Requires access to rich, varied challenges May be coupled with perfectionism; focused,
driven until “perfect” “Sometimes I feel like a big head rolling
around” Profound focus may be misdiagnosed as
“spectrum-y”
INTELLECTUAL According to Daniels, these children
need to hear:“Your curiosity fuels your intelligence.”“You have wonderfully wide/deep interests.”“You have great potential to learn new
things and make changes.”“You really stick to projects that interest
you.”“You defend your ideas and are open to
learning different information.”
INTELLECTUALStrategies to support children
Discuss positive aspects of OE.Listen to child’s ideas; schedule if necessary.Honor child’s desire to know and understand.Help children find answers to their own
questions.Allow child to develop and pursue own
projects.Help children develop goals and self-reflect
on progress toward them.Seek opportunities for interaction with
intellectual peers.
IMAGINATIONAL INTENSITY
“I dream, therefore I exist.”
–August Strindberg, 1849-1912
IMAGINATIONAL INTENSITY Linked with creative production Heightened capacity for fantasy, less
constrained by “the way it is.” Imaginary playmates common Imagination is source of retreat and delight Need to make thing more interesting can be
challenging for teachers Capable of clear mental visualization Daydream Great asset; wanes with teen/adult pressure
to “grow up!” Can lead to mistaken ADD diagnosis
IMAGINATIONAL According to Daniels, these children
need to hear:“You have a rich imagination.”“You view the world in a unique way.”“You think of and tell great stories.”“You make the mundane extraordinary” (!)
IMAGINATIONALStrategies to support children
Discuss positive aspects of OE. Cherish and preserve creative and
imaginational expression. Provide opportunities for relaxation and free
flow of ideas. Provide creative outlets. Help small children distinguish between
imaginary and the real world, determine when imagination is appropriate.
Have child use imagination to solve problems and cope with challenges.
EMOTIONAL INTENSITY“I have found it easier to identify with the
characters who verge upon hysteria, who were frightened of life, who were desperate to reach out to another person. But these seemingly fragile people are the strong people really.”
- Tennessee Williams,
1911-1983
EMOTIONAL INTENSITY Most extensive, Dobrowski felt Not as prized as intellectual, creative Intense feelings that are manifested in
extreme, complex, positive or negative ways Significant emotional response to
“insignificant” stimuli Sometimes rooted in fears, anxieties:
death loneliness loveconcern for othersexcruciating self-scrutiny
EMOTIONAL INTENSITY, CONTINUED Complexity of emotional response can
paralyze or inhibit: how to act? Strongest bonds not always with peers Empathy for others, social action Sometimes somatic expressions: heart,
sweat, stomach… Often accused of overreacting, drama Can transcend own life and see
overarching principles Misdiagnosed as depression, anxiety,
bipolar
EMOTIONAL According to Daniels, these children
need to hear:“You are sensitive to others’ feelings.”“You care very deeply and have deep
feelings.”“You are very loyal to those you care
about.”“You are wonderfully aware of
joy/frustration/love/anger/sadness…”
EMOTIONALStrategies to support childrenDiscuss positive aspects of OE.Accept feelings and the intensity with which
they are expressedDevelop a feeling vocabularyLearn listening and responding skillsTeach children to anticipate emotional
experiences, and rehearse responses, strategies
Use journaling to record feelingsFind activities that provide for expression of
empathy and social concern
COPING WITH INTENSITY – RESEARCH BASED STRATEGIES FOR MANAGING FAMILY INTERACTIONS1. ADVOCACY Ensure appropriate educational services
Challenge, to stretch and develop strategiesOrganizational skillsWork ethic Interaction with students
Focus on the experience of giftedness to problem solve
Use creativity, patience, trust Don’t sacrifice own needs or internalize
child’s struggles
COPING WITH INTENSITY – 2. CALMERS Know what calms each family member
down Can be related to senses
Music, white noise, quiet, noise cancelling headphones
Dimmer switchesAroma therapyYoga, breathing, exerciseHugs, stroking, hand massageVisualizationPilates balls, rocking
COPING WITH INTENSITY – 3. PATTERNS AND ROUTINES
All kids need boundaries Schedules for chores (let child track) Family meetings Advance warnings if change-averse Wear the new shoes out of the store Make sure they realize you’re talking to
them (name, touch)
COPING WITH INTENSITY – 4. ANTICIPATE Know signs and situations that may
trigger distress or “emotional flooding” Come up with ways to communicate when a
family member is getting distressedShare with teachers
Clothes that don’t irritate (tags, textures)
Classroom seating choices Snacks, protein breakfasts to eliminate
“bipolar” reactive hypoglycemia Expect needs to change as they mature
COPING WITH INTENSITY – 5. ACKNOWLEDGE & COMMUNICATE Acknowledge the emotions
“Mom, I don’t want you to solve my problem. I want you to acknowledge my emotions.”
Spend time one-on-one with each family member
Document optimistic options Tag team
Let others help Step in to deescalate
Take care of yourself Celebrate successes
RESOURCES Daniels, Susan and Michael Piechowski, eds.
Living with Intensity. Great Potential Press, 2009 Delisle, James. Parenting Gifted Kids: Tips for
Raising Happy and Successful Children. Prufrock Press, 2006
Fonseca, Christine. Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students. Prufrock Press, 2011
Michels, Debbie and Teresa Rowlinson. Getting Over Excitabilities. SENG Vine, March 2011 (www.sengifted.org)
Rivero, Lisa. The Smart Teen’s Guide to Living with Intensity. Great Potential Press, 2010
Webb, James et.al. Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults. Great Potential Press, 2005