FRUIT PL ATE $11.90 with pineapple, roasted nuts, lime, kiwifruit strawberries, yoghurt & rockmellon & seeds vege — vegan - gluten free on request SUPERGRAIN MUESLI $11.90 with buckwheat, seeds, pistachio nuts, amaranth & millet. Served with spiced milk & yoghurt vege - gluten free - dairy free

EGGS ON TOAST $9.90 two eggs (poached, scrambled or fried) on toasted multigrain vege — dairy or gluten free on request

BACON & EGGS $14.90 bacon & two eggs (poached, scrambled or fried) on toasted multigrain dairy or gluten free on request

EGGS BENEDICT poached eggs with hollandaise on toasted multigrain with bacon $17.90 / or salmon $19.90 / or spinach & potato hash brown $17.90 vege — gluten free on request

FRENCH TOAST $17.90 with lemon curd, maple candy-bacon, roast cherry tomatoes and brulee bananas vege on request

CORN, K ALE & CORIANDER FRITTERS $17.90 with mushy peas, chorizo sausage, whipped goats feta & a kale, pickled raddish salad vege on request

OPEN BREAKFAST BURRITO $17.90 with braised pork shoulder, black bean, quinoa, guacamole, salsa, parmesan cheese, chipotle mayonnaise & a poached egg vege and dairy free on request

FRIED TOFU ON TOAST $17.90 with spinach, pumpkin seeds & red onion on toasted multi-grain with hummus vege – vegan - gluten free on request

PNEUMATIC KIDS’ BREAKFAST $11.90 BLT slider, organic Samoan dried bananas, curly fries & activity pack THREE FILLING OMELETTE $17.90 choose 3 from the following: bacon / spinach / cheddar / feta / potato / sausage / tomato / salmon / onion / mushroom served on toasted multigrain vege – vegan – gluten free on request

BREAKFAST BURGER $18.90 with beef pattie, bacon crumb, fried egg, kraft cheese, maple mustard & chrozio hollandaise gluten free on request SUPER CHOICE BRO $21.90 with bacon, sausage, mushrooms, potato hash brown, tomato, toasted multigrain & two eggs (poached, scrambled or fried) gluten free on request

BACON & CREAM CHEESE BAGEL $11.90 with toasted bagel, bacon & cream cheese gluten free on request BL AT BAGEL $17.90 with bacon, lettuce, avocado, tomato & aioli gluten free on request SALMON & AVOCADO ON MULTI-GRAIN $18.90 with salmon, avocado, beetroot relish lemon & cream cheese gluten free on request

SPRING VEGETABLE SOUP $11.90 with pea, courgette, leeks, creme friache & toasted multigrain vege- gluten free - vegan on request

NACHOS with black beans, guacamole, cheese, salsa & sour cream $15.90 / or pulled pork, black beans, guacamole, cheese, salsa & sour cream $18.90 vege – gluten free on request

BAGELS, TOAST & SPREADS vege — gluten free on request with butter $4.90 / raspberry jam & butter $6.90 / honeycomb, raspberry jam & butter $8.90 / sundried tomato cream cheese $6.90 / vegemite $6.90 / marmite $6.90 / hummus $6.90 / basil pesto $8.90 / cream cheese $6.90 / peanut butter $6.90 EX TRAS bacon $6 / sausage $5 / avocado $5 / spinach $5 / smoked salmon $7 / potato hash brown $5 / eggs (2 poached, scrambled or fried) $4 / grilled tomato $3 / fresh tomato $3 / black beans $5 / pan-fried mushrooms $5 / extra toast $2 / extra spreads & sauces $2 / gluten free cassava & sunflower toast $2.50

CURLY FRIES $8.90 delivered by pneumatic tube vege- contains gluten

D R I N K S

C1 ESPRESSO white or black $4.20 extra shots / soy milk / decaf / takeaways add 50c

COLD DRIP $8.90 liquid gold made with love & time MEXICAN CHIAPAS CHEMEX $8.90 mild & smooth with a smoky nut & earthy aroma NICARAGUAN NEUVA SEGOVIA CHEMEX $8.90 smooth vanilla with a sweet & smoky brown sugar flavour ETHIOPIAN SIDAMO CHEMEX $8.90 bright and rich with a berryfruit & chocolate notes ICED DRINKS dairy free on request affogato $5.90 iced coffee / iced chocolate / iced mocha / iced chai $8.90 soda spider $8.90 OTHER POTIONS honey, lemon and ginger $4.20 hot blackcurrant $4.20 chai latte $4.20 vienna $5.90

BL ACK TEA $5.90 english breakfast / ceylon / earl grey / darjeeling

CHINESE BL ACK TEA $5.90 lapsang souchong

CHINESE GREEN TEA $5.90 sencha / gunpowder / jasmine dragon pearl

BLOOMING TEA $8.90 blooming jasmine / blooming carnation

WHITE TEA $5.90 jasmine silver tip

OOLONG TEA $5.90 tie guan yin (iron goddess of mercy) apple & pomegranate oolong

FL AVOURED GREEN TEA $5.90 lime green / cinnamon green / moroccan mint / mango green / quince & ginger green

HERBAL TEA $5.90 chamomile / peppermint / cascara rosehip / liquorice & peppermint / lemongrass, kawakawa & ginger

CHOCOL AT Y TISANES $5.90 chocolate & chilli / chocolate & coconut

CHAI BLENDS $5.90 black chai / green chai / rooibos chai FRUIT TISANES $5.90 lemon, lime & apple strawberry & kiwifruit mango & blackcurrant wildberry turkish apple feijoa & apple

ROOIBOS INFUSIONS $5.90 raspberry & vanilla rooibos spiced orange rooibos

OK! NECTARS $5.90 feijoa mango banana guava spirulina berry

C1 FRESHLY SQUEEZED $6.90 freshly squeezed orange freshly squeezed grapefruit freshly squeezed apple

SMOOTHIES $8.90 feijoa* mango* guava* berry* spirulina* banana * chocolate & berry mocha & banana chocolate & mango *dairy free on request

BEER three boys wheat $12.90 three boys porter $12.90 vailima export lager 750ml $12.90 vailima pure $7.90 galbraiths bohemian pilsner $9.90 galbraiths nz pale ale $9.90 galbraiths lager $9.90 galbraiths redemption 2.5% $9.90 panhead pilsner $12.90 panhead apa $12.90 emerson’s pilsner $12.90 emerson’s bookbinder $12.90

APPLE CIDER $12.90 scoundrels & rogues

WINE $11.90 black estate riesling oyster bay sauvignon blanc waipara hills chardonnay main divide pinot gris church road merlot cab sav waipara hills rose mission estate merlot

B R E A K FA S T / 7 DAYS / 7A M - 3 P M

Glen also plans to use the mobile system to allow him to combine dairy farming with crop farming. Crops planted on vacated land absorb carbon dioxide from the air, and excess nitrogen from the soil, mitigating both leaching and carbon emissions. The local nature of our partnership with Glen is another environmental positive. Glen’s farm is just out of Christchurch, so the coffee you’re drinking has minimal “milk miles.” Glen delivers the milk to us himself in glass bottles, which we wash and return to him to re-fill. So how is our milk different to standard milk? You’ve probably heard of the three processes that mass-produced milk goes through: pasteurisation, homogenisation and standardisation.

Pasteurisation involves heating the milk up to a high temperature to eliminate bacteria. C1 milk is always pasteurised for the safety of our customers. Homogenisation involves forcing the milk through tiny holes. This breaks up the fat (which would appear as a crown of cream) into tiny globules that are suspended evenly throughout the milk. Standardisation involves separating the milk into its constituents (like protein, fat and lactose), and then mixing it back together in controlled proportions. This allows milk companies to mass-produce milk with a consistent composition. Unfortunately homogenisation and standardisation result in a product that is overly-processed and tastes watery. So the milk we use at C1 is not standardised or homogenised. As a result it’s naturally higher in protein and nutrients, and has a deliciously rich, full taste, just like what you’d get on the farm. For more information, check out Glen Herud’s blog at milkingonthemoove.blogspot.co.nz

You might have noticed the milk in your coffee tastes richer than what you’re

used to. That’s the taste of the real thing, milk straight from the farm. And the cows that provide C1 milk aren’t your average stay-at-home cows. They’re nomads. Glen Herud is a local dairy farmer in partnership with C1 Espresso. He’s developed an innovative new farming system called the “mobile milkshed.” Every few months, Glen moves his milkshed and herd onto a new section of land. It’s an eco-friendly dairy farm, which for us was a special find.

Because cows are cute, but their waste isn’t. Dairy farms are a major cause of two environmental issues in New Zealand. The first is carbon emissions: cows make a lot of methane. The second is nitrate leaching: nitrates in cows’ urine leak into groundwater and run into waterways, gradually ruining New Zealand’s lakes and rivers. So C1 Espresso has spent a while searching for the greenest way to get our milk. And we think we’ve found an answer in Glen’s mobile milking system. Even the simple act of moving the cows from section to section helps prevent nitrogen leaching. Constant re-location stops nitrogen run-off from collecting in one place and seeping underground.

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FLUOXETINE

TIM GRGEC

I cover my face with a pillowand wait for the quiet to put things backwhere they’re supposed to be.

The case is a funny shade of cream,I watch its dots. Things are okay for a little while.

But the trees won’t stop moving;darkly gesticulating tress.Today their voices are too close – all of them.

It’s strangehow they always choose the morning,always telling me no one will mind.

I wonder if the brancheswill stop tapping against my window when they see what they wanted all along.

P u b l i c H a p p i n e s s S u r v e y R e p o r t The Christchurch City Council is pleased to announce plans are underway to re-brand Christchurch as “The Happy City.” Christchurch Mayor Lianne Dalziel says that the change is more than simply a word; it is an investment in the city’s future. “To maintain our city’s reputation as a top tourism and business location, we want to create a sunny new image through a new city marketing campaign,” says Dalziel. “We are even in talks with the Anglican Church to replace the former Cathedral with a sculpture of a baby elephant.” But we don’t just want to change our name, we want to live up to the name by boosting local happiness levels. The Council plans to monitor local happiness through regular happiness polls and surveys, which will include questions about contributing factors to happiness and unhappiness. The Council will respond by taking measures to increase general happiness. Our aim is to achieve an 85% happiness rate in Christchurch by 2025. As the first stage of the “Happy City” process, a public happiness survey was conducted online. We are pleased to report that almost thirty respondents completed the online survey, an unusually high turn-out. The two questions posed were “What made you happy today?” and “What made you unhappy today?” Results are presented in this report, alongside a summarised discussion by the Happiness Evaluation Panel, who met on the 15th of October to discuss survey findings and to begin outlining a Happiness Strategy for Christchurch.

1. Saw a lady on No. 28 who couldn’t stop giggling 2. Lost patience in traffic jam and drove straight down a line of traffic cones. Felt great but was heavily fined 3. Seven co-workers chasing small bird which had entered office 4. Local dairy has started doing sherbert dips again 5. One-year-old granddaughter met her first puppy 6. Got two-dollar rice 7. Had long chat about female objectification with the builders on my street 8. After long day at the office came home, took off shoes and slid up and down the lino in my socks 9. Met a cat on the way to work and it stood up to brush its head against my hand 10. One of my friends took my side in an argument with another friend about whether Jar Jar Binks was actually the Sith Lord 11. Loud roadworks right by my office have finally stopped. Now only annoying noises are the two further-away roadworks 12. Thirty-four people favourited my tweet 13. It’s sunny (x 4) 14. Pretended I was on Masterchef when making breakfast 15. Hi-vis work gear was a hit in the clubs 16. Someone dropped their hot-dog in the Avon 17. General state of awe at existence 18. Plumbing finally fixed and have been enjoying using my own toilet 19. Caught a shiny Pokémon 20. Took the day off work to hang out with my three-year-old 21. Got a large falafel and they charged me for a regular 22. Vacuumed the house and my dog lost it 23. Farted and everyone looked accusingly at the person next to me

1. Another nightmare about road cones2. Fourth try at first day of my raw food diet 3. Nor-wester blew the headphones out of my ears 4. My wife told me she has always hated my Crocs which I have worn almost every day for six years 5. John Key 6. My friend told me to calm down when I wasn’t angry and now I have been angry for five hours 7. The crop top trend 8. The state of the world 9. Existentialist thoughts 10. Potholes (x 3) 11. Guy on No. 120 eating a tuna sandwich 12. Extremely slow walkers infesting Riccarton Mall 13. Dropped my hot-dog in the Avon 14. Public toilet at Botanic Gardens that flushed itself three times before I’d finished 15. Pneumatic drill outside my house at 1am 16. My favourite couple on The Block got eliminated 17. Child rolling on floor in Christchurch Museum. Everyone was awwwing but if that kid had been an adult, he would have been removed from the premises 18. Had to go somewhere with no Wifi (x 2) 19. Went for a walk in the Port Hills and was swarmed by cows 20. This morning someone asked me if God could make a rock so heavy he couldn’t lift it 21. Whacked my head hard on a beam and my girlfriend laughed hysterically 22. Tried to go for a half-hour drive out to the beach. Thanks to roadworks it took four hours

“What Made You Happy Today?” “What Made You Unhappy Today?”

The Happiness Panel met on the 15th of October to discuss survey results and possible action responses. The data collected suggests that Christchurch residents highly value sunny weather, positive internet experiences, food consumption and animal interactions. They are averse to external distractions such as bad smells and slow walkers, and dislike potholes and road maintenance. Physical pain is also unpopular with residents. The Panel’s list of potential action responses include: free earplugs and paracetamol for every Christchurch resident, a sausage sizzle, and a dog show. The Panel spent some time discussing the issues of potholes and road maintenance. It was agreed that unhappiness levels would increase if action were taken on either issue, as some residents dislike potholes and some dislike roadworks. The Panel resolved to take no action on these issues at this time. At the conclusion of the discussion, all members of the Panel were satisfied that they had made a thorough assessment of the primary factors of happiness and unhappiness in Christchurch residents. At the next Panel meeting, on the 15th of December, the second Local Happiness Survey will be reviewed and a definite plan of action to improve local happiness will be decided upon.

C o n c l u s i o n s

h i s t o r y b o y f r i e n d s a n d g i r l f r i e n d s

“But as for the women... he passed them by as though they were lifeless images for display.” — Plutarch

“Behold, a deity stronger than I; who coming, shall rule over me.” — Dante on Beatrice

“The handsomest young man in England” — W.B. Yeats

King of Macedonia, undefeated conqueror, ruler of one of the greatest empires in history – but people never mention that Alexander the Great was also a bad-ass boyfriend. Historians of the time praised how kind and respectful Alex was to the women he dated. But he was above all devoted to his cavalry commander Hephaestion, who many historians believe was Alex’s long-term boyfriend. When Hephaestion died of illness, Alex refused to move or eat for several days, banned music, ordered that all horses’ tails be cut off, and tried to get Hephaestion honoured as a god. He then massacred a tribe as a tribute to him. If that isn’t love, what is?

Dante, known as the “Supreme Poet” of Italy, would never have reached such dazzling poetic heights if it weren’t for what some have called “a great unrequited love,” but what I’d call “an obsessive crush.” At the age of nine, Dante met Beatrice, aged eight, at a party, and fell in love. He remained devoted to her for the rest of his life, even though he only met her again once and they both married other people. He made her a central character in his magnum opus, The Divine Comedy. He would spend hours waiting in the town square, hoping to see her. Creepy stuff, Dante. But hey, not every woman can say her stalker is the father of the Italian language.

Poor Rupert Brooke. He was a talented poet, but was much better known for his looks. He was so handsome it was almost a handicap, as people were endlessly falling in love with him when he just wanted to be friends. Over his life he had many passionate love affairs and near-marriages with both men and women. He was pretty neurotic in love. A long-term girlfriend’s friendship with another guy plunged Rupert into a fit of obsessive jealousy, which triggered a year-long nervous breakdown. He wrote some beautiful war and love poetry: check out his most famous poem, “The Soldier,” and zinger love poem “Dust.” Brooke died young in service, aged just twenty-seven.

“But most of all [Caesar] loved Servilia.” — Suetonius

“I have rarely known a woman who expressed herself so delightfully and so freshly.” – Edmund Wilson

“I wish to ride the tempest, tame the waves, kill the sharks. I will never be mistress of any man.”

Fearsomely intelligent, Servilia Caepionis was Caesar’s favourite mistress. She and Caesar would romantically discuss battle strategies of an evening: many historians believe she helped him win the Gallic Wars. Once, during an important Senate debate, someone secretly passed Caesar a letter, which was seized by the opponents and read aloud. It turned out to be a scandalous love letter from Servilia. She was a pretty ruthless woman: when Caesar’s interests began to wane, she offered him her youngest daughter instead. She was also the mother of his eventual murderer Marcus Brutus (prime “your mum” joke material for the Ancient Romans).

Vietnamese warrior hero Lady Trieu was said to be nine feet tall, with three breasts (each three feet long) and a brilliant gaze that paralysed entire armies. She rode into battle on an elephant, with breasts slung over her shoulders. It’s possible some of this isn’t pure fact, but it’s testament to Trieu’s formidability. As a teenager, she gathered a thousand-strong army to fight the Chinese, and was undefeated in battle for years. After her death, her spirit continued to visit and inspire Vietnamese revolutionaries, and she also drew one hundred penises on her arch-enemy’s front door, which upset him so much he surrendered.

Beautiful, outrageous Zelda Fitzgerald was a talented dancer and writer. As a teenager, she was boy-mad and enjoyed causing scandal by spreading rumours that she swam nude. At the age of eighteen, F. Scott Fitzgerald met and fell in love with her: she inspired many of his novels. When they finally married, Zelda and Scott became a kind of outlandish celebrity power couple, jumping into fountains and getting themselves kicked out of hotels for drunkenness. Their relationship wasn’t always perfect. Zelda proved to be as gifted in war as she was love, and once threw herself down a flight of stairs because Scott was talking to another woman.

Look, I don’t know about you. But sometimes, when I get bored in history class, I start to daydream. Sure, Luigi Galvani was the pioneer of biomagnetics, but it’s nice to wonder what he would have been like as a person. Or what it would have been like to date him. Would he have been a pleasant picnic companion, or would he have kept running off to hang frogs’ legs on washing lines? The list of crush-worthy modern celebrities is limited, and sometimes a person has to look elsewhere, and sometimes that place is their history textbook. So here’s a list of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes from the history books, suitable for hours of history-class daydreams.

Tips for Flirting and Making Friends

1. Water Surprise

This is a tip for when you’re stuck in small talk. Take a mouthful of your drink and spurt it into the face of the person you are talking to while they are mid-sentence. First they will be shocked, but then they will laugh and think you are interesting.

2. Truth or Dare

Being picked for a truth or dare game always makes people feel special. Dare the person you have a crush on to eat something, or, if there’s no food, to put something in their mouth. Anything like a bottle cap or a pencil sharpener does just fine. The thrill of a dare changes the atmosphere from boring to electric.

3. Asthma Attack

Pretend to have an asthma attack by falling to your knees and clutching your chest. Position yourself so that the person you like sees it happen and comes to your aid. Then ask them to give you sips of water on the couch as you recover. This is a great way to create an intimate moment.

You’re at least 80% evil. You drink from a skull. You lurk in shadows. Stop telling people when they’re

going to die. I know it seems like useful information, but it’s really tactless.

Disharmonious Zone: Work

Your skills aren’t sought after in many fields. Try a clowning course.

You sometimes spend so long on your desk chair that it fuses with the hair on the nape of your neck.

There is a gently rustling blanket of thousands of cheeseburger wrappers on your bedroom floor. You

are starting to think of your computer as a friend and sometime lover.

Disharmonious Zone: Work

You’re as successful as you’re ever going to be.

There’s a good reason you’re the only sign which has a kitchen appliance as its symbol, but who knows what it is. You feel a strong affinity with

butterflies. Sometimes, when you lose your hairbrush, they descend in a cloud to comb

your hair.

Disharmonious Zone: Spiritual You seek balance, and break very easily. Be aware of

your short battery life, and recharge often.

Your eyes say, ‘I’ll take you there.’ But where is ‘there’? It could be anywhere: an alleyway, a

basement, an abandoned warehouse. You have a hypnotic personality, which is why a lot of your

friends have quit smoking recently.

Disharmonious Zone: Love What begins as a well-meaning intention can often end in widespread destruction. Practise

mindfulness.

You are literally unreal. You have excellent aim. (I might mean this literally, figuratively, or ironically). You are half a horse. Which half of the horse will you

choose to be?

Disharmonious Zone: Spiritual Danger looms. Be on your guard. You never know

when someone will attack. (Ideally get a gun).

What a quirky person. So quirky and random. You’re hurtling into old age, but that’s not going to stop y–

hey, why did you do that? Oh – l-o-l, Aquarius, you’re so random.

Disharmonious Zone: Love

Your go-to flirting technique is showing them a film you made of a plastic bag. Try to branch out.

A Q U A R I U S

C A P R I C O R NS A G G I T A R I U S

V I R G O

S C O R P I OL I B R AA R I E S

Your insides are literally on fire. Stop screaming! It’s disturbing the rest of us. Mars, god of war, rules

your soul. Mars was once caught mid-tryst and suspended above a room of people. This is why you

are such an exhibitionist.

Disharmonious Zone: Spiritual No one wants to see that, Aries.

You like to build things out of mud, like hovels. People say you are ‘solid’ and ‘dependable’ which we all know means ‘fat’ and ‘boring.’ But those are

really good qualities to have if you think about them hard enough.

Disharmonious Zone: Spiritual

I know people say you can never commune too much with nature, but they’re wrong, and you need

to stop.

You’re very clean and popular. Everyone wonders why your hair smells so good. You are extremely

uptight and try to conceal this with a fake ‘carefree’ attitude. (No one is falling for it).

Disharmonious Zone: Love

Stop looking for love in obvious places. That weird person who spits on you on your way to work? They would actually take really good care of you. Just go

for it.

Sometimes you’re talkative, but sometimes you retreat into your shell (get it?). Usually you feel okay but sometimes you feel worse, or better. Sometimes you wish your ears were nicer. You have great ears.

Disharmonious Zone: Work

I bet you’re feeling kinda dissatisfied with your work right now. How did I know? I’m an astrologist! Try

vodka.

Oh Leo. You attention seeker. Seriously, those people laughing at your jokes are just being polite. You get on well with kids. Like them, you have a lot

of inappropriate emotional outbursts.

Disharmonious Zone: Love You know who likes surprises? Sagittarius. Why

don’t you jump out and give them a surprise sometime? I’m sure it’ll be a bonding experience for

both of you… :)

You might think you’re reading silently, Pisces, but in fact you’re singing the words aloud and everyone in

the library is furious. You sometimes wake up on train tracks, or on the beach covered in seaweed, with no

idea how you got there.

Disharmonious Zone: Work Saturn is in your zone which signals an upcoming

promotion! But Mercury is up in your zone too and it’s kinda screwing with the vibes. So don’t get your

hopes up.

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A r t / H a n n a h B e e h r e

w w w . h a n n a h b e e h r e . c o m

C r e d i t s Volume One / I s sue Two / November 2015 / # c 1 e s p r e s s o

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E d i t o r / N i c o l e P h i l l i p s o n

n i c o l e p h i l l i p s o n . w o r d p r e s s . c o m

n i c o l e @ c 1 e s p r e s s o . c o . n z

P N E U M A T I C S L I D E R S

choose any combination of 3 sliders to be delivered to your table through

our pneumatic network

BEEF AND GHERKIN PATT Y with beetroot relish, cherry

tomatoes & smoked aioli dairy free – gluten free on request

SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN with pineapple and jalapeño salsa,

chipotle mayo and cos lettuce

QUINOA PATT Y with portobello mushroom,

cashew aioli & walnut and kale pesto

vegan - gluten free - dairy free on request

PANKO CRUMBED FISH with mushy peas & C1 homemade

tartare sauce dairy free on request

COURGETTE & EDAMAME FRITTER with avocado and mint salsa and cos vege – dairy free – gluten free on request

PULLED PORK SHOULDER with apple slaw & jalapeño

gluten free on request

CURLY FRIES $8.90 delivered by pneumatic tube

vege – contains gluten

P N E U M AT I C S L I D E R S 7 D AY S M O N D AY — S U N D AY / 3 P M — 9 P M

C — O N E — E S P R E S S O1 8 5 H I G H S T / C H R I S T C H U R C H N Z

C 1 E S P R E S S O . C O . N Z

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A r t / A n d r e w J . S t e e l

w w w . a n d r e w j s t e e l . c o m

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