“Confidence is Key: in Life and in Writing”By, Enzo Franze

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Table of Contents:Shadow Narrative: A Night to

Forget ........................ pg. 3

Part 1: Translation Rules ............................................. pg. 7

Poem: Elegance of Death ............................... pg. 8

Reflection ........................................................ pg. 9

Part 2: Translation Rules ............................................. pg. 11

Translation: Police Report ...............................pg. 12

Reflection ......................................................... pg. 13

Part 3: Objectives.......................................................... pg. 15

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A Night to Forget

It was just like the previous summers, another year and it was time to head out to Italy for

our annual visit. After a plane ride that seemed to last forever, I could not wait for the drive

from the airport that would take us to our home for the next three weeks. I was 13 years old and

excited to see my closest cousin Luca, who was 15 at the time. He was much taller than me,

having hit his growth spurt already he seemed to tower over me. My other cousins were older

and more mature, rarely hanging around with us kids. As most teenage boys are, Luca and I

were always looking to cause a scene. He always had some asinine idea that would get us in

trouble like riding bikes through the house, and skidding our tires on the marble floor. Other

than the average rules of any house, there was one in particular we were never to break. A rule

they drilled into our heads since we were young: you were not allowed to leave the premises

without the company of an adult.

The best way to describe the home is a fortress. Our fortress: a 4 story mansion, com-

plete with game room, balconies on every floor, elevator, wrap around porch and a swimming

pool in the yard, an electric punch code gate and 10 foot high cement walls surrounding the com-

plex. Everything needed to ensure a great and safe stay at my family’s house. The town of San

Antimo in Naples where we stayed was known not for the rich history of religion and numerous

catholic churches on every corner. Rather the town was known for the foothold the Italian Mafia

held on this metropolis. The way that men conduct themselves for business is rough and danger-

ous for everyone in town. Locals that refused to move out built high walls around their homes to

keep out the unwanted.

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Luca and I being the fun-seeking teenagers we were, decided we would go down to the

corner store for some candy one night. Despite the number one rule we’ve heard for years on

how it was not safe, especially at night, we went anyway. We hit the button to open the gate and

set off on our bikes for the mile or so ride down the street. It was a beautiful night, cool crisp air

hitting our faces, feeling the old bumpy sidewalk beneath our wheels; it was a feeling of free-

dom. Over the thrill of riding the streets late at night and the busy atmosphere of people all

around; there was a feeling in my stomach. It was that feeling that happens when you know

something is wrong, but just cannot explain it exactly. I brushed it off and figured it was only

because I knew we were not supposed to be out alone, especially with no one knowing our

whereabouts, this late at night.

When we reached the corner store that doubled as a gas station, there was a long line for

the pump. I was expecting to see a family member, an ordinary occurrence in the town where no

one slept. We leaned our bikes out front the poster covered glass window and entered just as any

normal customers. Not one patron or customer gave us any mind, just two ordinary punks out

late at night. However I still could not shake this feeling and it only grew stronger with every

minute that went by. I played it off as just being upset with disobeying my family’s warnings

and the trouble we would be in if they ever found out. When we gathered up our candy and

headed to the counter to pay, the Woman in line before us looked down. She gave us a kind

smile and said we should not be eating all this sugar so late at night. She then directed us to the

ice cream isle and told us to have a cold treat and go back home to bed. Little did we know those

were the last words she would ever speak.

On her way back to the counter, I watched as she graciously walked with her head held

high. She acted as if she was better than everyone else. She was rich, of higher class it was easy

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to tell by her overall demeanor. Her husband was probably one of these men who conducted

their business in the unsavory manor most did in this town. As I watched her pull out her wallet

to pay, I saw two men enter the store. The two men seemed to have a purpose, as they got out of

their car and left the doors open. I knew they were there for another reason. I watched this hap-

pen in what felt like slow motion, I wanted to yell, I wanted to say hey! Stop! Look out! But I

could not; I was frozen. The men pulled out guns from their belts and shot the woman repeat-

edly until she fell to the floor. Stunned with fear and deafened by the loud bangs, I now knew

why this feeling was haunting me. Just as quickly as they entered, the gunmen exited; no one

panicked, it was not a robbery, but a settlement. Struck with astonishment like the woman was

when she first spotted her assailants, Luca and I did not know what to do. The police arrived

within minutes and the scene had quickly been taken over by cameras and strangers on the street

curious of who had been the most recent victim of San Antimo.

I feel like if I yelled perhaps I could have saved that woman’s life. If I asked her a ques-

tion, perhaps I could have delayed her long enough to see the gunmen coming. These were

thoughts that contradicted the inevitable, but I still seemed to feel responsible for. The police

brought us home and spoke to our parents, telling them of the incidence that took place that

night. They were angry, but glad we were safe. We found out the next day on the news that the

Woman who was murdered was the Police Chief’s Spouse. The Mafia in the area had been

stalking her for weeks, looking for the right time to settle an ongoing battle between them and

the police force. My encounter in Naples was soon forgotten and never to be spoke of again.

I cannot help but to think of this woman from time to time. We did not tell the police or

our parents she spoke to us that night she was murdered. We did not think it would make a dif-

ference seeing as though she was already dead. But it mattered to me, knowing I was the last

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person she spoke to. I wonder if I really could have saved her life. It was life changing seeing

her being motherly to us, and the next walking over her lifeless body. I can still smell the burnt

clothes and gunpowder that filled the air, from her blood soaked blazer that was peppered with

bullet holes. The sequence of her death still runs through my mind, just as her blood ran from

her body pooling all around her.

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Elegance of Death- Rules

1. Make the last word of every line rhyme.

2. Have a pause (comma) in each line of poem.

3. Retell important parts of the original story.

4. Show clear transition and steps of story leading up to murder, and after.

5. Take the darkness and gore of the plot and lighten it up towards the end.

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Elegance of Death

Cool sea air filled our surroundings, riding fast down the street.

On bikes we were, forget that walk on our feet.

All we wanted was some candy, maybe a bite to eat.

Finally got to the store, left our bikes near the street.

Who was that elegant women, inevitable that we would meet.

She strolled around the store, buying groceries and meat.

An attitude far superior, to just speak to her was a treat.

She helped us get some ice cream, maternal instinct complete.

Went to send us on our way, this memory I wish to delete.

Two men entered the store, not for a meet and greet.

A dangerous demeanor they had, hardly being discreet.

They shot the woman to death, bullet shells hitting the street.

Blood pooled all around her, staining the concrete.

Could not believe my eyes, my heart just skipped a beat.

We just witnessed a murder, tears I began to excrete.

Our parents will be so mad, our asses they will beat.

Disobeying the only orders, please forgive the deceit.

I did not want my ice cream, you can keep the receipt.

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Why the Elegance of Death

By titling my translated poem of my original shadow narrative, Elegance of Death, I in-

tended two meanings. The elegance of the woman in question who gets murdered before my

eyes and the way the story unfolds and the light humor that can be brought about in an elegant

manner despite the situation. When reading the instructions on translating the narrative into a

poem, my mind understood poem as a series of text that had to have similarities and rhythm,

which brought me to the rules in which I set for myself prior to completing the assignment. I

wanted to relay the same story in which the original narrative depicts, but in a lighter mood, the

situation and reality of the story makes it almost uncomfortable to speak of, I thought that adding

some humor could be beneficial to the audience hearing the same story in a different way.

Prior to constructing Elegance of Death, I set a few guidelines to keep me on task. My

first addition was to ensure the final word in every line of the poem was to rhyme. I wanted the

translation to have those traditional Dr. Seuss rhymes, it not only makes the poem easier to read,

but the reader can almost anticipate the final word just from the sentence leading up to it. My

second rule was to have a pause in the middle of each line. I thought that adding two ideas that

complemented each other added an extra degree of story telling to my poem. I felt that if it were

just singular consecutive rhyming lines it would take away from the story telling I was trying to

accomplish. Not only was setting this rule beneficial for the story in general, but while writing

the poem, having a line to set up my final sentence helped me create the translation. The third

regulation was including the important aspects of the original story. I wanted to make sure the

original narrative was portrayed in the poem. I picked out important parts in my original narra-

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tive and made a list of the ones I wanted to include. In the original shadow, segments my Cousin

and I getting in trouble for sneaking out of the house were left to the imagination, but in the

poem I included lines for that scene. In an attempt to stay with the original semantics of the

story I made a rule stating that I had to include the transitions from scene to scene so the audi-

ence could relate back to my original shadow, or understand the series of events if picking up my

poem for the first time. I clearly showed transition from scene to scene, starting from leaving the

home, entering the store, meeting the woman, witnessing her murder and returning home. When

constructing my thoughts on the Elegance of Death, I wanted to include some comedic points. I

had read over my original shadow so many times, and grew melancholy with each sentence time

after time. I needed to include humor in one form or another, I did so by adding two lines to-

wards the end of the poem, in reference to our parents’ reaction to our disobedience, and what

happened with the ice cream we originally set out for. These two lines lighten the mood of the

poem, moving it away from the original darkness and making the reader feel not as upset about

the situation.

Following the lesson on Translation, I used the method of summary to tell my story in a

different genre. The poem with its sequential plot and rhythmic tone made it easy to interpret,

although descriptive elements were left out of the Elegance of Death the main idea of the original

shadow is easily found. I followed the dialect of rhyme to tie my poem together, having rhyming

words at the end of every line of the poem shows the target language was constantly repeated.

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Police Report- Rules

1. Replicate an actual police report.

2. Research police reports and information they entail.

3. Use descriptives to ensure enough detail

4. Make sure reader can figure out what happened just by police report.

5. Details on entire situation and people involved

6. Write in terms such as police would use.

7. Use actual names, make it realistic as possible.

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Case Number: 112358

Location: Saint Antimo, Naples, Italy - Sisa Grocers on Lavezzi Avenue

Reporting Officer: Lt. S.Dell’omo

Date/Time: August 12, 2005 / 8:30 PM

Incident: Murder, homicide

Report: Woman buying groceries in corner store. Approached by two men who pro-ceeded to gun her down. Men left scene of accident, witnessed by two young boys. No known reason for intent, details following a detailed investigation.

Involved: Woman - Mrs. LoPiccolo, police sergeants’ spouse. Gunned down in store. Two Men - Unknown, accused murderers. Likely acting on behalf of Mafia. Two Boys - 1 American, 1 local, getting candy when witnessed murder.

Description: Upon entry to scene, witnessed crowd of civilians surrounding area of shooting, skid marks outside door where accused murderers fled. Entering the store, pooled blood around elderly woman, 8, 9mm bullet shell casings on floor. Exit wounds of bullets broke bottles in refrigerators. Two young boys shocked with fear, will be questioned of events.

Interrogation: Boy 1 Local, GianLuca Russo (age 15) Witnessed two men, enter store with pistols drawn. First man in 3 piece forrest green suit, gold watch and rings, holding silver gun with black grip. Brown shoes and grey hair, with a black mustache. Esti-mated height 5’7” weight 180 pounds. Second man holding black pistol, dark blue suit with black tie. Black shoes and black watch, brown hair, no facial hair. Estimated height 5’9” weight 200 pounds.

Boy 2 American, Vincenzo Franze (age 14) Two men enter store with pistols drawn and started firing. He saw woman’s face in shock as she noticed the two men enter store. Same description as GianLuca, noticed gold rings on gunmen’s hands. No accurate description of events that followed shooting. All he remembers are the loud bangs and flashes.

Summary: Witnessed allowed to return to families. Information taken in case of further questioning. Mrs. LoPiccolo pronounced dead on site, no others injured. Damage re-port of Sisa Grocers to be charged on accused when apprehended. Investigation to fol-low, starting with family of Mrs. LoPiccolo. Starting suspects members of the Mer-catante Crime Family. No further threats perceived on location. Collection of in store

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video surveillance and bullet shell casings to be marked as evidence. Coroner entry to take away Mrs. LoPiccolo, boys given ride back to their home.

Why a Police Report

When given the instructions on changing the genre of my shadow narrative, I tried to

think beyond stories. I thought about getting away from the traditional story telling texts, such as

poems and stories. I wanted to think of something that tells a story, but in another way. Some-

thing abstract, that takes some critical reading to figure out the story. Ideas came to me, but none

that fit the idea I had in my mind. It was not until I got in an accident with my work truck did I

realize what I wanted to do. A police report, it tells a story, without actually telling a story.

A police report gives you all of the same aspects of a story; the setting, time and location.

It includes characters, the people involved and descriptions of them. It tells about each of their

stories, the plot and the situation that took place. The report tells why the situation happened, or

at least it intends to and eventually will over time. Although it takes some critical deciphering of

the material written in the report, there is enough description and detail to depict a story in your

mind just by reading the information in the report. It is quite easy to picture a story when some-

one is reading it to you, and just the same if someone gives you all the pieces to a story and you

put it together in your own mind. After researching more police reports and the critical informa-

tion taken down in a report, I combined a few of the different subtitles and made my own about

my narrative. I included a case number, location, the reporting officer, date and time, incident,

involved parties, description of events, accounts of witnesses and summary of what happened

and what intends to follow. Overall a thorough police report that tells the story of events that

happened that night. The information about the characters and location of events is all true, I

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used real names and locations to give the true feel of the report, the only made up information

was the case number.

I thought about contacting the police station in Italy maybe to get the actually police re-

port as a neat cover for my portfolio. After debating on getting the information I concluded that

with murderers in question that mysteriously never got caught, would I really want to be asking

questions about a murder from almost 8 years ago. For safety reasons I concluded that making

up the police report to the knowledge I already had from the incident would be best for all. The

police report was an abstract way of telling a story and fitting because there was actually a police

report for the incident. Even if a story does not involve the police or a written account of events,

using a report such as this to tell any story would be a good way of translating a genre. It in-

cludes all critical parts of story, without the linking internal sentences that make it a story.

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Part Three: Objectives

Registering for a writing course is not something I saw myself ever doing in college. I

despised writing for the longest time, why write something out when you can say it aloud? Why

express feelings intellectually, when I can yell them to the world? Anything and everything liter-

ature has never been my strong point. I can read fine, and write okay, but writing something that

wants to be read was never something I saw myself accomplishing. Writer’s Mind course has

given me tools to becoming a better writer. The last couple papers I had to write for my other

health and exercises courses scored higher, without a doubt because of the knowledge I gained in

WM. By no means do I see myself as a good writer, but now I have found confidence in my

writing. There was a time when I would dread handing in papers because I knew my work was

sub-par. Now I get excited upon completion of an assignment and look for ways to make them

better. A couple of objectives I picked up and utilized throughout the course of the semester are,

understanding the writing process and using revisions as an ongoing process.

Developing a practical understanding of writing process has helped me complete assign-

ment more efficiently. In the past I would sit down to write a paper, and just do it. Hardly ever

proofreading my work. I would take on an assignment in one chunk of time, not leaving my seat

until completion. By the time I completed an assignment, I resented it and wanted nothing more

to do with it. Developing a writing process technique has helped me immensely, and has become

a tool I plan to use in the future. Now in general I try to lay out a plan before beginning an as-

signment. I read instructions and look for what the instructor wants from the assignment and

clearly highlight those necessities. After I indicate what is required, I plan out my steps on how

to get there. Brainstorming, research, interviews, anything that can help me fabricate answers to

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the demands. I then put these ideas together, roughly, until my thoughts and ideas are all thrown

together on the paper. After I have all the information there in front of me, I leave the work; I let

it sit for a couple hours or a day, but never longer because then I tend to lose my train of thought.

Upon returning to the work I organize it, taking all my thoughts and transforming them into an

articulate work. Creating something precise from the abundance, like a sculptor creates a statue.

After completing the final revision I try and have someone else read it, correct my mistakes, give

me insight on how to make it better and make those corrections. I picked up this process through

advice in class and creating of our shadow narratives. We did not just have to formulate a narra-

tive and hand it in, but we worked on it in sequences, dissected it and made it perfect. I let my

mother read it and it brought her to tears. Not only because the memory brought back such

frightening feelings, but she then laughed and remarked on how she could not believe how well I

captured the moments through my writing.

The very few times I actually revised my writing, it was never to come back to it at a later

time. Only revisions I had done were when the professor handed me the assignment back and

told me to. Writer’s Mind showed me through construction of our shadow narratives that revi-

sions were just stepping stones to the bigger outcome. While constructing the shadow narratives,

we did a draft. That draft was work shopped and we did another draft, and another. We then did

small works changing our narratives into small poems, statements, quirky haikus. We dissected

the narrative, showing conflicts, solutions and outcomes. Narrative assignment altercations in-

cluded taking a scene out and expanding on it, bringing an otherwise three sentence scene into a

three paragraph incident. The translation assignment is an extension of our narratives, constant

revision. With every revision, the narratives got better. Constantly revising brought about new

ideas, and ways to improve on our works.

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Given my miniscule experience in writing, when enrolling in Writers Mind I set a goal

for myself. Not one that exactly dealt with the way I would be writing, or even how I would be

writing. It had to do with my overall experience in the writing. I wanted to become a better

writer, and extend my knowledge in the area. I was always embarrassed in my writing, due to

lack of confidence. Setting the goal of becoming a confident writer is just another accomplish-

ment I feel has been successfully reached. I am no longer nervous when given 10 page research

assignments in my other classes because I now know I have the tools to accomplish any task.

Taking WM has benefitted me not only in a literature manner, but in every other aspect of my

writing as well. Other work that was done in the course on different types of writing and the po-

etry and essays we read throughout the course of the semester that did not have any direct rela-

tion to our own personal writing did nothing for me. Readings such as a Bullet in the Brain and

those Ted Talks did not do much for me. The assignments and readings and power point lectures

that informed us on how we should be writing and ways to do it will be stored in my literature

bank. I plan on using those tools given to us to further expand on my writing in the future. My

comp classes in the past did not teach me an eighth of the amount I learned in WM, and I look

forward to instances when I can use my techniques.