Essay - Empatisk...Essay Dialogic Moments and Empathic Communica5on _____ Lisbeth Holter Brudal Dr. Philosophiae, psychologist, author Ins5tuA for Empa5sk Kommunikasjon (IEK)

Essay

DialogicMomentsandEmpathicCommunica5on

__________  

LisbethHolterBrudal  Dr.Philosophiae,psychologist,author

Ins5tuAforEmpa5skKommunikasjon(IEK)  2017

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Contents

Introduc5on3 EmpathicCommunica5on:ThemissingLink3 Thestorycon5nues4

Changedstateofconsciousness5 Dialogicmomentandconsciousness6 ChronosandKairos6 Presentmoment–dialogicmomentandEmpathicCommunica5on7 

Fourexamplesofdialogicmomentsineverydayclinicalprac5ce9 Example1.“TheBigSister”andEmpathicCommunica5on9 Example2.“TheBoyWhoDidn’tWanttoGotoSchool”andEmpathicCommunica5on11 Example3.“MenandtheFearofGivingBirth”–pairtherapyandEmpathicCommunica5on12  Example4.“AProudFather”andEmpathicCommunica5on14

Summaryofthefourexamples15 

Themirrorneuronsystem16  EmpathicCommunica5onandthemirrorneuronsystem17

Discussion18

Conclusion20

Epilogue21

References22

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Ihaveastorytotell.  Introduc0on

Thebeginningofthestoryisthat,asapsychotherapistforpeopleincrisis,Idiscoveredthatinaddi5ontothemanyclients(pa5ents)whohaveexperiencedpainfulandtrauma5cevents-severalalsohave“sunnystories”totellfrombothtreatmentsitua5onsandtheirpersonallives.Eventually,partofthetreatmentwasalsotobringtolightthoseindividualgoldenmomentsandposi5veexperiences.Inmyprac5ce,Ilearnedthatmostofthesegoodmemorieswereprimarilyrelatedtorela5onshipsandexperiencesinrela5ontootherpeople.Therecouldbeencountersinhealthcare,inprivatelife,atworkorinmorecoincidentalsitua5ons.Secondly,“sunnystories”wereocendescribedasunforgeAable,suchasmomentsofchangeand“momentsofmee5ng”.Forsome,theexperienceofsuchmomentsappearsasawatershedandasamemoryforlife.

Thecon5nua5onofthestoryisthatIunderstoodthatinordertohelpeachother,weshouldallalsotrainourselvestosharethegoodexperiencesinaddi5ontosharingthepain.AndIaskedmyselfwhatwasneededforthoseofusinprofessionallifetolearntocommunicateinnewwayswherethereisalsospaceforgoldenmomentsandinterac5on.Ithoughtitwouldbepossibletocreatesitua5onswherewe,ashelpers,couldmakeadifference.

Againstthisbackground,Idecidedtodevelopaneduca5onalprogrammedesignedforhealthprofessionals,educatorsandothersworkingwithpeople.Theaimoftheeduca5onwastotrainsuchhelpers’innateabili5estoempathizeusingthetool:EmpathicCommunica.on:TheMissingLink.Idevelopedthistoolin2004.Intrainingtousethiscommunica5ontool,thefocusisontherela5onshipbetweentheclientandhelper.Therela5onalskillsofthehelperarecrucialfortheoutcomeoftheempathicdialogue.In2016,theIns5tuAforEmpa5skKommunikasjon(IEK)wasestablished.

Thedesignandcontentofthecourseac5vi5es,theguidanceandinforma5onworkattheIns5tuAforEmpa5skKommunikasjon(IEK)buildontheposi5veexperiencesofmomentsofchangethatclientshavetoldmeovertheyearsandthattheymayhaveexperiencedindifferenthealthcaresitua5onsorinschoolcontexts.Characteris5cforthesegoldenmomentsisthattheclientshavebeenmetwithrespectandtreatedwithequalcareinthesystem.Theyhavealsoexperiencedtheimportanceofbeinglistenedtoandbeingconsulted.Insuchmomentsofmee5ng,clientshaveexperiencedthattheywereseenaswholepeoplewithanempathe5cunderstandingoftheirsitua5onwhilehavingtheopportunitytointeractwiththehelperabouttheirownexperiencesasclients.

EmpathicCommunica.on:TheMissingLinkThetoolisintendedtoaccommodateclients’needstobelistenedtoandbeseen,andwantedinanempathicdialoguewiththehelperasdescribedabove.

Themethodisbuiltonafour-stepconversa5on

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1.Thedialoguestartswiththehelperinvi5ngtheclienttotelltheirstoryasexperiencedhereandnow.

2.Thenthehelperaskstheclienttoputintowordsthefeelingsthatarisewhenthestoryistold.

3.Inthethirdstep,theclientisinvitedtoofferhisorherownthoughts,considera.onsandopinionsaboutwhatheorshehasnarrated.

4.Asanendtothedialogue,thehelperaskstheclientwhetherheorshewantstohearthehelper’sviewsonwhathasemergedfromtheclient’sstoryandaccountofhisorherownfeelingsandassessments.Thehelperactsasaco-creatorinthesitua5onhereandnow.

(ThereareexamplesofEmpathicCommunica5onbelow.)

Here,itshouldfirstbeemphasizedwhatistheactualpremiseforthedialoguetobeaninterac5on.InEmpathicCommunica5on,thefocusisonthetypeofrela5onalskillthehelperhasacquiredthroughcoursesinEmpathicCommunica5on.Thisrela5onisdescribedasfollows:

Anequaldialogueandco-crea.onofnewreali.esthroughthefreeexchangeofthoughtsandideas.

Asshown,thehelperconsiderstheclientasequal.Theclientisacrucialpartofthedialogue.Onewhoisworthlisteningto.Theclientisadvisedthroughco-crea5on.Byofferingtobeco-creator,thehelpershowsanempathicaitudeandchoosestoseetheclient’sen5resitua5onbasedonwhattheclienthaschosentorevealinthefirstthreesteps.Together,thisiswhatcons5tutesthehelper’srela5onalskills.

ThesecondimportantprerequisiteforEmpathicCommunica5ontobeameaningfuldialogueisthatthehelperlearnsnottointerrupt,doesnotcorrectorcommentonwhattheclientsaysinthefirstthreestepsatthestartofthedialogue.Thehelperlistenstotheclient’sstory,tothestoryoftheclient’sownfeelings,andno5cesthecontentoftheclient’sownthoughtsandreflec5onsabouthisorhersitua5on.Onlyatstepfour,doesthehelpercomeforwardwithviewsasaco-creatoroftheclient’slifestory.

(Iwillreturntotheimportanceoftheclient’sexperienceofbeingtheprotagonistintheini5alpartofthedialogue-withoutthehelperinterrup5ng.)

Thestorycon0nues

Wehavenowcometotheconclusionofmystory.

Foranumberofyears,courseshavebeenheld,guidanceandinforma5ongivenontheEmpathicCommunica5ontoolinbothNorwayandtheUK,andothercountriesinEurope.Asaresult,attheIns5tuAforEmpa5skKommunikasjon(IEK),wenowhaveextensiveandinteres5ngevalua5onmaterialfromalargenumberofcourses,guidelinesandinforma5onwork.Thematerialcontainsbothquan5ta5veandqualita5vedata.Itisthequalita5vematerialthatispresentedhere.SomeofthecontentoffeedbackfromtheinstructorsandcourseleaderswhocurrentlyuseEmpathic

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Communica5onmayindicatethatbyusingEmpathicCommunica5on,theclientandhelpertogethercandevelopvaluableandwatersheddialogues.

ThestorybrieflystatesthatEmpathicCommunica.onasacommunica.ontoolrepresentsadialoguethatfacilitatesforcrea.ngwhatIhavereferredtoaboveas"sunnystories",interac.onandgoldenmoments.

Thesedialoguesmaybecharacterizedbyspecialmomentsofexperiencesuchastheclientunexpectedlycatchingaglimpseoftheirownsitua5onandunexpectedlygaininganewinsightandexperienceofchangeasaresultofthedialoguethereandthen.Oritmaybethatthehelper,asco-creator,spontaneouslyandsurprisinglycomeswiththe“rightwordsattheright5me”andthingssuddenly“fallintoplace”betweenthem.SuchspecialmomentsofexperienceusingEmpathicCommunica5onareexamplesofwhatisreferredtointheliteratureas“DialogicMoments”(CissnaandAnderson,MomentsofMee.ng,2002).

 Changedstateofconsciousness

Dialogicmomentsaredescribedbelowasanexampleofaformofchangedstateofconsciousness.CharlesTart,professorofpsychology,claimsthatakeyfeatureofchangingstateofconsciousnessisachangeintheperson’sexperienceof5me,suchasasubjec5vesenseof5melessnessorthat5mestandss5ll(Tart,AlteredStatesofConsciousness,1969).ThefollowingisbasedonfourexamplesofEmpathicCommunica5on,wherethe5measpectofthedialogicmomentispar5cularlyemphasized.

Intheanalysisofthechangedstateofconsciousness,IrefertoDanielStern’stheoriesdescribedinhisbook:ThePresentMomentinPsychotherapyandEverydayLife,2010.

WithpointofdepartureintheactualstructureoftheEmpathicCommunica5ontoolbasedonthefoursteps,thechangeinconsciousnessthatgraduallytakesplaceasthedialogueunfoldsisanalyzedbelow.Intheevalua5onofthecourses,someofourinstructorsandcourseleadersdescribethischangeas“magical”,unexpectedandasaspecialformofmomentofmee5ng.

Inthiscontext,EmpathicCommunica5onisdefinedasa“clarifyingconversa5on”wherethegoalofthedialogue-asmen5onedearlier-ischangeandthe“crea5onofnewreali5es”.

Whenweconsidertheoverallevalua5onresults,thereareseveralthingsthatbecomeclearintermsofcharacteris5csofthehelper’sexperienceinusingEmpathicCommunica5on.

Firstly,variantsofthefollowingpar5cularcommentsarerepeatedinthefeedbackfromthecoursesinNorwayandtheUK:

“Withthismethod,IthinkIgetmore“behind”theclient’sthoughtsandgettoknowhowtheclient“really”feels.”“Yougetwhatis“reality”fortheclient.”“NowIhaveadeeperunderstandingofthepowerofempathy.”

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“Thisis“TheMissingLink”.Anawarenessofthepoten5ali5esofarela5onship.”

Throughthefourexamplesbelow,Iclarifywhatliesinthisfeedbackabout“reality”and“thepowerofempathy”.

Dialogicmomentandconsciousness

In1982,therenownedphysicistandexperimentalpsychologistPeterRussellpublishedTheAwakeningEarth.OurNextEvolu.onaryLeap.Inthebook,hedefinesconsciousnessasthe‘area’whereallexperiencetakesplace.Againstthisbackground,consciousnessisaprerequisiteforallexperience,whetherweareawake,intrance,dreaming,inacoma,orinanystateofconsciousness.

Twentyyearslater,professorandbrainresearcher,AntonioDamasiomen5onsawarenessas‘aninnersense’inTheFeelingofWhatHappens.BodyandEmo.onintheMakingofConsciousness.(Norwegianedi5on:Thefeelingofwhatishappening,2002).Damasio’spercep5onofconsciousnesscanbeseeninthecontextofWilliamJames’twoconceptsof‘streamofconsciousness’and‘transi5vemoments’(transientmoments).

Overthelasttenyears,therehasbeenanincreasinginterestinconsciousnessasacentralthemeinunderstandinghumansamongresearchersandcliniciansinvariousdisciplines.

Aprominentresearcherandchildpsychiatristwhopar5cularlyexpousesthisnewinterestinhumanconsciousnessisDanielStern.Inhisexplora5onofconsciousness,hebeginswithphenomenology.Heclaimsthateveryhumanbeinglivesinapsychologicalfieldoraphenomenonfield.

Phenomenologyasascien5ficapproachislearningortheoryabouttheworldasitappearstoonewhoexperiencesandperceivesit.Inphenomenologicalpsychology,greatemphasisisplacedondescribingpeople’sfirst-handexperiencesofthemselvesandtheirsurroundings.Thisdescrip5onalsoincludeshumanexperienceof5me.

Throughthisnewphenomenologicalperspec5ve,SternexpandsRussell’sdefini5onofconsciousnessasan‘area’andDamasio’sviewofconsciousnessas‘aninnersense’.

ChronosandKairos

InThePresentMomentinPsychotherapyandEverydayLifeasmen5onedabove,Sterntakespointofdepartureinhumanexperienceof5mebasedonaphenomenologicaldescrip5onofconsciousness.

Wecansaythatintradi5onalclinicalwork,weareusuallyprimarilyinterestedintheclient’slifestory.Weasktheclienttorecallfrommemorythingsthathavehappenedbefore.Inthisway,werelatetotheother’spast,presentandfuture.Themethodrepresentsalinear5meseingandisreferredtoasobjec5ve5me(‘Chronos’(Greek)=5me).

But,asksStern,whyhasclinicalpsychologynotalsobeenbasedon“theimmediateexperienceinthepresent”?Aboutthis,hesays:

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“Life-as-livedisnotexperiencedasaninexorablycon5nuousflow.Rather,itisfelttobediscon5nuous,madeupofincidentsandeventsseparatedin5me,butalsosomehowconnected(Stern,ThePresentMomentinPsychotherapyandEverydayLife,2010p.6).

Sterncallsforaninterestamongresearchersandcliniciansforthesubjec5ve5meexperience(‘Kairos’(Greek=afavourablemoment,themomentwhensomethinghappens).Whenweliveinthissubjec5ve5me,weexperiencethatsomethinghappensasthe5meunfolds.

Thisisasifthereisa“comingintobeingofanewstateofthings”thathappensinamomentofawareness.ThesemomentshavetheirownlimitsandescapeorexceedChronos-thelinear5meflow.Itisthemomentofopportunity-apresentmoment-aKairosexperience,Sternclaims.Suchapresentmomentcons5tutesashort-livedemo5onal“livedstory”.

Presentmoment–dialogicmomentandEmpathicCommunica.on

AccordingtoStern,apresentmomentis“asubjec5vepsychologicalprocessthatoneisconsciousof”.Fromaphenomenologicalperspec5ve,consciousmomentscannowbedividedintothreedifferentgroups(Stern,2010,p.171):

Theregularpresentmoment.Thisisexperienceineverydaylife,forexample,intheformofanartexperience,orinlovelife.Thecri5calpresentmoment.Thisisapresentmomentthatsuddenlypopsupandishighlychargedwithimmediatependingconsequences.ItisamomentofKairos,heavywithpresentnessandtheneedtoact.Themomentofmee5ng.Thisisapresentmomentinwhichthetwopar5esexperienceamee5ng.Atthismoment,thetwobecomeawareofwhateachotherisexperiencing.Momentsofmee5ngusuallyimmediatelyfollowcri5calpresentmomentsthatsetthemup.Themomentofmee5ngthenresolvestheneedforresolu5oncreatedinthepresentmoment.Thedialogicmomentisamomentofmee5ng.

WecansaythatEmpathicCommunica5onasatoolisdesignedasaninvita5ontotheclienttoexperiencepresentmomentsandtobeinKairos5me.Throughtherela5onwecreate-focusingontheclient’sfirst-handexperienceofselfandwithemphasisonco-crea5on-wefacilitatethedialogicmoment.Weaskfortheclient’sfirst-personstorysothatheorshewilldescribehisorhersitua5onhereandnow-andweaskwhattheclientfeelsandthinksatthemoment.Thisishowwecreateaspecialpresentmoment,aswechallengetheclienttobeinastateofimmediateandsubjec5veexperienceinthepresent.Forsomeclients,thisisanunfamiliarsitua5on.Suddenlytheyarechallengedtoputintowordstheirownexperiencesintheirownliveswhile,atthesame5me,beingregardedas‘specialists’aboutthemselves.Theexperienceisthatasmallnumberofclientschoosenottopar5cipateinthistypeofdialogue.However,mostclientsexperiencepleasureovertheunexpectedchallenge.Theyappreciatebeinglistenedtoandpar5cipa5nginadialoguewithoutinterrup5ons,correc5onsorcomments.

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Sternclaimsthat“Thepresentmomenthasbeenrela5velybutnotwhollyignoredbypsychology.”Hepointsoutthatthesemomentsaresoobviousthattheyusuallygounno5ced.“Theyarehiddeninfullview,”hesays.

Inmyopinion,dialogicmomentsaresimilarlyoverlooked.Throughthetes5ngandanalysisofEmpathicCommunica5onasatool,ithasbecomeapparentthatdialogicmomentscanrepresentsubjec5ve,meaningfulmentalprocessesandanalteredstateofconsciousness.Dialogicmomentscanemergeatthemomentofmee5ng,characterizedbynewinsightsandawarenessof‘thelivedlife’inKairos5me.

Belowisadescrip5onofprocessesassociatedwithdialogicmomentsbasedonfourconcreteexamplesfromtheclinicalwork.Here,IbuildonStern'sphenomenologicalanalysisandhisdescrip5onofcharacteris5csofpresentmoments.

11characteris5csofthepresentmoment(pp.55-63)

InStern'sphenomenologicalanalysisthereareatotalof11differentcharacteris5csofpresentmomentsthatarerelevanttotheclinicalwork(pp.55-63).Intheanalysisbelow,Istartwith7ofthemostimportantcharacteris5csinStern'ssummary.

1. Awarenessorconsciousnessisanecessaryprecondi5onforapresentmoment.2. Presentmomentsarepar5cularlyrelatedtothedynamicthemeof5me.Asthepresent

momentunfolds,withinafrac5onofasecond,changesoccurintheintensityorqualityofourfeelings.Theseconstantshicsdrawatemporalprofile.Therearevitalityeffectsasthemomentunfolds.Thesearedescribedasaccelera.ng,fading,exploding,unstable,tenta.ve,forcefulemo.onalprocesses.

3. Thecontentofapresentmomentissimple–itiswhatisonthementalscenenow.4. Thepresentmomenthasapsychologicalfunc5on.Itwillsolvetheveryfastchangingtaskof

constantlydealingwithorpreparingtodealwithwhatishappeninginanalmostconstantlychangingworld.

5. Thepresentmomentholdsanimplicitinten5ontotakein,adopttheneworsolvetheproblem.Theprocesshasanadap5vefunc5on.

6. Presentmomentsareholis5chappenings.Itisagestalt.Itorganizessequencesofsmallerunits(e.g.differentfeelings).Theseareunitsthatpassbelowfocusedconsciousnesslevelandbecomehigherorderlevelunits.Themomentisfeltasawhole.

7. Presentmomentsarelinkedtoone’sownsenseofself.Duringtheexperiencedmoment,youaretheonlyonewhoexperiencesyourownsubjec5veexperience.Youknowitisyouwhohasthisexperience.Notonlydoesitbelongtoyou,itisyou.

Fourexamplesofdialogicmomentsinclinicallife

EmpathicCommunica5onisaclarifyingconversa5onwheretheclientisthemaincharacter.

Herefollowsthedescrip5onoftwodifferentexamples,whereEmpathicCommunica5onleadstonewinsightsandnewunderstandingofhowtheclient‘really’feels.ThenIdescribetwoexamplesofthe

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powerthatseemstolieintheexperienceofempathybetweenpeople.Thefourexampleseachrepresentacombina5onofcri5calpresentmomentsandmomentsofmee5ng.Withpurpose,Ihavechosenfourdifferentexamplestoshowthebroadapplicabilityofthetool.

Theproduc5onisadescrip5onofapsychologicalprocessbetweentheclientandthehelperinwhichthedialogicmomentunfoldslikeaKairosexperience-andsuddenlyastateofnewthingsiscreated.Acrea5onthathappensinatenthofasecond.

Theexamplesarefromadialoguewithaclientinhospital,fromworkwithaschoolpupil,fromacoupletherapycounsellingsessionandfromahomevisitbyahealthcarenurse.TheexamplesaredescribedinmybookEmpathicCommunica.on:TheMissingLink,2015.Inthebooktherearealso19othersitua5onsfortheuseofEmpathicCommunica5onsuchasviola5ons,seriousillness,divorce,burnout,closerela5onships,divorceandbullying.

Example1 “TheBigSister”andEmpathicCommunica0on

AmidwifeatthematernitywardofahospitalinNorwayiswatchingAnnewhoiswheelinghertwo-day-oldsoninthehallway.ThemidwifeknowsthatAnne,asinglemother,hastroublebondingwiththechild.AsthemidwifemeetsAnneandthechild,sheseesAnneisintears.Atonce,themidwifeinvitesAnneintoherofficeandAnnesitsdownonachairfacingthemidwifewithhersoninthecribnexttoher.

IntheearlystagesoftheEmpathicCommunica5on,themidwifetellsAnnethatsheknowsAnnegavebirthtoasontwodaysagoandsheasksAnnehowsheisandtotellheraboutthedayatthematernityward.

Annesaysshedoesnotlikebeinginthehospital.Thedaysarelongandshereallywantstogohomeasquicklyaspossible.Whenthemidwifeaskshertosaysomethingaboutwhatshefeelswhenshe’ssiingthere,Annebeginstotellhershe'sanxiousandfeelinginsecure.Shecon5nuestodescribethatsheispar5cularlyanxiouswhenshehastowashandchangeherson.Shesayssheisuneasyandinsecureandthatsheisworriedthatsomethingmighthappentohersonwhenshe’schanginghim.Anneges5culatesandusesherhandsalottoillustratehowshefeelsaboutthechild.ThemidwifecloselyfollowshowAnnebehaves.AcerlisteningtothestrongfeelingsthatAnnehasputintowords,themidwifegoesovertothethirdstageofEmpathicCommunica5onandaskswhatAnnethinksaboutwhatshehasjustrevealed.

ThenAnnesays-unexpectedly-thatinthelastfewdaysshehasbeenthinkingsomuchaboutthe5mewhenshewasachild,abouthersiblings,andespeciallyaboutheryoungerbrother.ThenthemidwifeasksAnnetotellwhatshethinksabouttheyoungerbrothersheisconcernedabout.Anneexplains:

“Mybrother–who’scalledHans-hadepilepsy.AndsinceI'mtheoldest,IoUenhadtotakecareofhim.Andevery.meweweregoingouttoplay,motherwarnedmeandsaid,“RemembertopayaWen.onandseeifHansgetsanaWack!”ThenIlearnedtokeepaneyeonwhatHansdidbecauseI

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wassoscaredabouthisaWacks.AndIneverknewwhentheaWackswouldcome....Some.mestheaWackscamesuddenly...”

ThemidwifewhoislisteningtothestoryseesthatAnnebecomesmoreandmoreuneasy.Annespeaksveryfastandwithaloudvoice,andthemidwifethinksit’sasifAnneistalkingmoretoherselfthantoher.ItisasthoughAnnehearsherownvoice.ThemidwifechoosesnottocommentonwhatAnnesaysthereandthen,andthemidwifedoesnottrytocomfortAnneorcomeupwithmoreques5ons.ItisAnnewhoisthemaincharacternow.

AcerthelastsentencethathisaAacksmightcomeunexpectedly,Annesuddenlystopsandpausesthestory.Shethinksagain.Themidwiferemainssilentandpending.ThenAnnesuddenlylooksdownathersonlyingincribnexttoherandsayswithaloudvoiceaddressedtotheboy:

“Butyouaren’tmybrother!”

Duringtheconversa5on,Annegainednewinsightsintothesitua5on.Somethingnewandimportantdawnedonher.ThemidwifecapturesthedialogicmomentandasksAnneifshewantstohearwhatshethinksaboutwhatAnnehastold.Themidwifebecomesco-creatorofAnne’sstory.Togetherwiththemidwife,Annegetsinsightthereandthen,thatsheconfusesthesonshehasgivenbirthtowithherliAlebrother,Hans.ShetransferstheanxietyshehasexperiencedlookingacerherliAlebrotherwhowasepilep5c,tohernewbornson.Themidwife,togetherwithAnne,createanewrealityforAnneandshowthatAnneherselfknewthereasonwhyshehadtroublebondingwithherson.

CommentsTheexampleof“TheBigSister”showsthatEmpathicCommunica5onasatoolcanbeusedtocreatepresentmoments.Therela5onintheexampleischaracterizedbyequalityinabilityandco-crea5on,andtheclientisthemainpersoninthesitua5on.Thehelperrefrainsfromcommen5ng,correc5ng,orinterrup5ngduringthefirststepsinthedialogue.

Severalofthesevenfeaturesofthepresentmomentdescribedaboveareinplace.WewitnesshowAnne’sfeelingschangeasthepresentmomentunfolds.Theemo5onalprocessinthepresentmomentvirtuallyexplodesintoanewinsightasaresultoftheprocessesintheforegoingcri5calpresentmoment–whichisaKairosmomentchargedwith‘presentness’.Thepsychologicalfunc5onofthepresentmomentandtheimplicitpurposeofsolvingandadop5ngthenewrecogni5onthatcharacterizepresentmoments,unfoldasanac5on(insight)intheactualdialogicmoment.ThatAnneconfusedhersonwithherbrotherwasaninsightthat,un5lthedialogicmomentoccurred,“hadpassedunderthefocusedconsciousnesslevel”.ThatsheconfusedthetwowasunknowntoAnne.Theprocessthatleadtonewinsighthappensautoma5callyandunconsciouslywhenAnnefindsherselfinKairos5me.Thisprocess,thattakesplaceinatenthofasecond,isawayoforganizingsequencesofmentalunits(Anne’schildhoodmemories).Inthefinalinstance,theorganizingitselfspontaneouslyleadstoagestalt–anadap5vewholeexperiencethatisexpressedinthewords:“Butyouaren’tmybrother!”

WecansaythatusingEmpathicCommunica5on,Annehascreatedanewunderstandingofrealitythroughafreeexchangeofthoughtsandideas.Themidwifeinturn,hasgainedanewunderstandingofthereasonforalackofbondingbetweenmotherandchildinthiscase.

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Throughtheuseofclarifyingconversa5on,wemightaskifAnneavoidedthepossibilityofbeingdiagnosedasaclientwithpostpartumdepression.

Example2“TheBoyWhoDidn’tWanttoGotoSchool”andEmpathicCommunica0on

Per,whoisinthesecondgrade,suddenlyrefusestogetuponemorning.Hehasstomachache,wantstostayinbedandrefusestogotoschool.HisstomachachedoesnotgetbeAerinthenextfewdaysandPeriscarefullyques5onedandexaminedwithoutfindinganyreasonforPer’sailments.

HisparentsandteacherstrytoquizPeraboutwhyhewillnotgotoschool,wherethepainisinhisstomachandifhecanexplainwhyhedoesnothavestomachacheonSaturdayandSundaywhenheisoutplayingwiththeotherchildren.Percannotanswerthis.Hedoesnotunderstandithimself.

OnedayPeristakentotheschoolnursewho,insteadofaskingwhyhedoesnotwanttogotoschool,startstheconversa5onbysayingsheknowsPerhasstomachacheandwouldratherbeathomeinbed.TheschoolnursesitsdownbesidePerandsays:

“Tellme,Per,whatdoyougoaroundthinkingaboutallday?”“Well-,”Perdrawsabreath.“Well,Ithinkaboutthegirlinclasswhoisdeadandwhohadcancer.Doyourememberher–Lise–whobecameill?”“Yes,”respondsthenurse,“IrememberLise.Shewasocenhereatmyoffice.”“WhatdoyoufeelthoughnowPer,whenyoutellmeaboutLiseandhowillshewas?”

“I’msoscared…thinkit’ssoscary…,”repliesPer.“Andwhatmoredoyouthinkaboutthen,thatLisedied,andthatshehadcancer?”asksthenurse.

Thenthereisalongpausebetweenthem.ThenurseobservesthatPerwithdrawsinthought–heispensiveaboutsomething–lookingforananswer.ThenPersuddenlysitsupstraightinhischairandsays:

“Yousee;I’vebeengivenLise’sdesk.Andeveryoneintheclasssaysthatcanceriscatching.”Perdrawsbreathandsuddenlysays:

“IthinkIhavecancerandthatI’mgoingtodie!That’swhyIdon’twanttogotoschool!”

“Then,Per,”answersthenurse,“I’lltellyousomethingimportant–nowthatyou’vetoldmewhatyougoroundthinkingabout.It’slikethis,Per,somethingweknowisthatcancerisnotcatching.”

Atthispointintheconversa5on,thenursebecomesco-creatorintheEmpathicCommunica5on.ShecanreassurePerthathedoesnothavecancerandthatheisnotgoingtodie.Asco-creator,shehastheabilitytocorrectPer’sfalseviewofreality.Attheendoftheconversa5on,thenursepraisesPerforbeingsobraveandtellingherhisstory.Shortlyacerthisconversa5on,Perchosetostartschoolagain.

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CommentsInthesamewayasinexample1above,weseethatEmpathiccommunica5oncancreateapresentmoment.Theschoolnursefollowsthefourstepsinthetool:SheinvitesPertotellabouthimself,andhisfeelingsandthoughts,thereandthen.ShedoesnotinterrupthimanddoesnotmakecommentsunderwaybutnotesthatPerispensivewhenherealizesthatthenursewouldliketoknowhowhe‘really’feels.BecausethenurserespectsthatPercannotanswerwhyherefusestogotoschool,shedoesnotaskhimaboutit.

Intheexample,wefindseveralcharacteris5csofapresentmoment.WecansaythatPer’sdailyanxietyaboutdyinghad“gonebeneaththefocusedconsciousnesslevel”.Hedidnotknowabouthisownanxietyaboutdyingun5lthatanxietysuddenlybecameconsciousinKairos5methatunfolded.Adialogicmomentarises:“IthinkIhavecancerandI’mgoingtodie!”Itisthisfrighteningfeelingandrecogni5onthatisfoundon“thementalscene”inthepresent.Theresultofthis“subjec5vepsychologicalprocess”isanadap5veholis5chappening:Perhimselfunderstandsinaflashwhatistherealreasonforhimnotwan5ngtogotoschool.Throughequalcoopera5on,andwithpointofdepartureintheinsightthedialogicmomentreveals,thenursecanoffertobeco-creatorwhenshetacklesPer’sfalseviewofreality.

Wemightaskwhetherthisclarifyingconversa5onledtoPeravoidingapsychiatricdiagnosisonthegroundsofrefusingtogotoschool.

Example3“MenandtheFearofGivingBirth”–coupletherapyandEmpathicCommunica0on

Ireceivedacallfromawomanwhowassoontogivebirthtohersecondchild.Onthephone,shesayssheisupsetbecauseherhusbandrefusestobepresentatthebirthinaboutamonth’s5me.Thecoupleclearlyhadaconflictaboutthisissue.Iofferherandherhusbandasessionthefollowingday.

Thewomanisdivorcedandhasachildfromapreviousrela5onship.Sheisnowexpec5nghersecondchildwithhernewpartner.Hewillbecomeafatherforthefirst5me.Thewoman,whospokefirst,isclearlyaggressiveandemphasizesthatherprevioushusbandwaswithherduringherfirstdelivery.Sheisfullofreproachandfeelsletdownbyherpartner.Inthetherapysession,thetwositfacingeachother.Thehusbandissilent,seemsuneasyandaliAleashamed,withadesperatelookonhisfaceashelooksdown.

IdecidetomakethehusbandthemainpersonintheempathicdialogueIplan.Iexplaintothewifethathertaskisfirst,tolistentowhatherpartnerhasatheart.Theques5onis:whathasthismanpreviouslyexperiencedthatcanexplainwhyherefusestobepresentatthebirth?

Sincetheissueischildbirthandhospital,Ipickupthehusband’sstorywhenitcomestoillnessandaskhimtotalkaboutwhatillnesseshehashad.Iletthehusbandtellhisstorywithoutinterrup5ngandsignaltohiswife–whonowwantstocommentonwhathesays–thatherhusbandistotellhisstorywithoutourcomments.AcerIhaveestablishedwiththewifethatherhusbandisthemainpersoninthesession,shebeginstolistenaAen5vely.Thereappearstobemuchthatisnewinthehusband’sstory–experiencesthathiswifehasnotheardbefore.

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Thehusbandhadalonghistoryofillnessandmanytrauma5chospitaladmissionsasachild.Heisunsureabouthowmany5meshehadbeeninhospital.WhenIgofurtherinEmpathicCommunica5onandaskthehusbandwhathefeelswhenhetellsusaboutthis,wehearaboutalotofanxietyinaliAleboyinhospital,aboutsadepisodeswherehesitsaloneandaboutpainfulexamina5onsandbloodybandages.Heremembersthatnoonecomfortedhimwhenhewassofrightened.

Thehusbandisonthevergeoftearsashesitsthere.HiswifeandIlistenexpectantlyandlethimspeak.

Eventually,Iapproachstepthreeinthemethodandaskthehusbandtosaysomethingaboutwhathethinksaboutwhathehastoldus–andaboutthefeelingshehasdescribed.Beforehecouldanswer,hiswifeinterrupts,leansforwardtowhereherhusbandissiingandsuddenlysaysinatearfulvoice

“Youdon’thaveto!!!”

Whenthiswassaid,theybothbegantocry.

Throughlisteningtothetraumathehusbandtoldfromhischildhoodintermsofillness,hiswifeunderstoodwhyherhusbandrefusedtobepresentatthebirth.Assheunderstood,somethingnewwasrenderedbetweentheminadialogicmoment.Withasmuchillnessthehusbandhadexperienced,manynega5vehospitalexperiencesandsomuchanxiety,aboutwhichhiswifeknewnothing,forher,therewasonlyonepossiblesolu5onbetweenthem:herhusbandwouldnothavetobepresentwhileshegivesbirth.

Asco-creator,Isawtherewereseveralvaluableopportuni5esforfurtherco-crea5onofnewreali5esforthetwofromtheprocessesthatwerestartedduringthesession.Thecouplewereofferedanewsessionthefollowingdayforaclosingprocessofwhathadhappenedbetweenthem.

CommentsThisexampledemonstratesthatEmpathicCommunica5oncanalsoleadtoapresentmomentwhereseveralarepresentinacri5calpresentmoment.Thestructureisthesame:Focusononemainperson’sstory–theotherswhoarepresentlearntolisten,nottocomment,correctorinterrupt.Inthisway,theotherspresentareinvitedtopar5cipateintheperson’sexperienceasexplainedbythemaincharacterwhoisinaKairosmoment.

ThewomanintheaboveexampleprobablyexperiencedthatshechangedfromaChronosstate(linearpercep5onof5me),whenshean5cipatedtheknownstoryofherhusband,toaKairosexperience(amomentwhensomethingcomesintobeing)whenshelistenstoherhusband’snewstorycharacterizedbystrongemo5ons.Oneofthekeycharacteris5csofpresentmoments(shicinemo5ons’intensityandquality)isclearlyevidentinthisexample:Thechangeinthewoman’sfeelingsoccursinatenthofasecond.Whatshefeltofcontemptfor,andaggressiontowardsherhusbandatthebeginningoftheconversa5onsuddenlychangeswhenshedecidestolistenandpayaAen5ontowhathesays.Sherealizesanewsenseofcompassionandempathyforherhusband.Theresultis,thatinsteadreproachinghim,shereleaseshimfromthedutyshehadimposedonhimtobepresentatthebirthandexclaims:“Youdon’thaveto!”Sheunderstandsthatforherhusbandtobepresentat

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thebirthwould,forhim,berelivingthetraumaofthedrama5chospitalstayshehadexperiencedasachild.

Thisemo5onal,abruptchangeinthecourseofasubjec5vepresentmomentisanexampleofanadap5veprocessandapsychologicalfunc5on.Thedialogicmomentleadstoaholis5cexperienceofmeaning.

Itispossiblethatthisclarifyingconversa5onlaidthefounda5onforanewrela5onshipbetweenthetwo.Arela5onshipthatledtotheparentstogether,bondingwiththechildtheywereexpec5ng.

Example4“AProudFather”andEmpathicCommunica0on

Anewfatherproudlytellsthehealthvisitorwhowasonahomecallshortlyacerhissonwasborn,howhehadmanagedtocalmhissonwhohadcriedforhoursonthefirsteveningacertheboywashomefromthehospital.Hiswifeandmother-in-lawwereattheirwits'end-theboyjustcried.That'swhenthefathertakes‘ac5on’andwandersaroundwiththebabyoverhislecshoulderwhiletalkingloudlyandclearlytohisson,sayingit’s5meforbed!

Inthefather'snarra5veitemergesthathesoughttodrownoutthebaby’scryingwithhisownsoothingandvociferousvoice.Theboyeventuallyquieteneddownandfellasleeponhisfather'sshoulder.

Acerthehealthvisitorhadheardthestoryandthefather’sspontaneousdescrip5onofhowhemasteredthenewsitua5on,sheaskedwhathehadfeltthereandthen:

“Whatdoyounowthinkaboutwhatyouhavetoldme?”

Thefatheranswersabruptly:

“ThenIbecameaFATHER!”

Inthedialogicmoment,thefather,withinatenthofasecond,findshisownwordstoexpressthesuddenrealiza5onofwhathadhappenedtohim.Whenthehealthvisitoraskshowhe‘really’feels,thefathergainsinsightintothechangethathastakenplace:somethingnewhasunfolded–nowheknowsthatheisaFATHER!

CommentsSuchamomentofmee5ngthattakesplaceinaKairosstateholdsanimplicitintentwherethegoalistotakein,adopttheneworsolvetheproblem(whichinthiscasewastorespondtoanunfamiliarandunusualques5onaboutthesignificanceofwhatthemanhadexperienced).Inthedialogicmoment,thereisa“comingintobeingofanewstateofthings”.

TheexampleshowstheimportanceofstagethreeofEmpathicCommunica5on.Ifweimaginethesamesitua5onanddialoguebetweenthehealthvisitorandfatherwithoutthehealthvisitoraskingforthefather’sownreflec5on,weseethatakeyelementismissing:thefather’sopportunitytoreflect,place,controlandgivevaluetowhathefeelsandexperiences.WithoutstagethreeinEmpathicCommunica5on,wherethefocusisontheclient’sownreflec5ons,thestoryofthestrongfeelingsofmasteryandpridewouldhaveremainedan“incomplete”storywithouttheholis5cexperiencethatthedialogicmomentrepresented.

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Summaryofthefourexamples

InthematerialcollectedbytheIns5tuAforEmpa5skKommunikasjon(IEK),therearenumerousexamplesofdialogicmomentsthatcorrespondtothefourcasesdescribedabove.

IncommonforthefourexamplesofEmpathicCommunica5onasclarifyingconversa5onsisthatindividualclientsareinvitedtoraiseawarenessandtorecallexperiences,thoughts,feelingsandideasthatmayhave“passedunderthefocusedconsciousness”.Thisiswhatweaimforwhenweaskwiththepopularexpression:“Whatexcessbaggageissheorhecarrying?”

Inthefirstthreeexamples,weseethatEmpathicCommunica5onfacilitatestheclient’sopportuni5estobecomeawareofissuesorexperiencesthathavebeen“undertheradar”andwhichcanbesaidtobeintheforefront.WehaveseeninthefirstexampleabovethatEmpathicCommunica5oncanclarifythatsome5mes,withoutourknowledge,wecanconfuserela5onshipsbetweenpeopleweknow.WehavealsoseeninexampletwothatEmpathicdialoguecanrevealthatwecanlivewithananxietyofdyingthatwearenotawareof.ThroughEmpathicCommunica5oninthethirdexample,wehaveclarifica5onthatwecanbecontrolledbypasteventsthatmaybecrucialtohowweexperiencelifehereandnow.Thustheactualsitua5onresembledaretrauma5za5onforthisclient.Inthefourthcase,weseethevalueofthehelper“sayingtherightthingattheright5me”.Throughques5onsabouttheclient’sreflec5ons,aqualityofawarenessoccursthatledtoadialogicmomentwhensomethingnewcameintobeing.

Theactualclarifica5onintheEmpathicCommunica5onisexpressedinthedialogicmomentsthatrepresentadescrip5onofpeople’sfirstpersonexperience.Inaphenomenologicalperspec5ve,suchpresentmomentsarelinkedtosomefeelingoftheindividual’sself.Wecansaythatthisexperiencebelongstomeasanindividual–itisme.Itismy“livedlife”.

Ihavemen5onedabovethatmanyclients“sunnystories”,“magicmoments”,momentsofchange,andmomentsofmee5ngaredescribedasunforgeAableandasamemoryoflife.WecanunderstandthissuchthattheactualpresentmomentexperienceinaKairosstatecanbesuchawatershedthatitremainsapartofourselvesforever.

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Adialoguemomentoccursinamee5ngbetweenpeople.Inthefourexamplesabove,suchmomentsofmee5ngareanalyzedwithintheframeworkofphenomenologicalpsychologyandself-psychology.Wenowlookintodialogicmomentsfromascience-basedreferenceframeworkfocusingonthescien5ficdiscoveryofthemirrorneurons.Theresultsofthisresearchshowthat“abstractthinkingisnottheonlyprocessweusewhileobservingthebehaviorofotherorganisms”(Keysers,2011,p.30).Below,themeaningofthemirrorneuronsystemfortherela5onshipbetweenpeopleisillustratedwithexamplesofnon-verbalcommunica5oninconnec5onwithEmpathicCommunica5onanddialogicmomentswithreferencetoStern'sthinking.

Themirrorneuronsystem

Themirrorneuronsystemwasdiscoveredabout20yearsago.InItaly,agroupresearchersfocusedonstudyingthebehaviourofmonkeys.Bychance,theydiscoveredthatcertainac5onsinthemonkeys,forexample,stretchingoutahandtotakeanobject,ac5vatedspecificnervecellsinthebrain.The

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epochalfindingwasthatthesameac5va5onoccurredinthesamebrainareasofthemonkeyswhoobservedwhattheothermonkeydid.NeurophysiologistGiacomoRizzolaiandhisco-researcherscalledthebraincellsthatareac5vated,or“fired”asitwastermed,“mirrorneurons”(Rizzolai,G.Mirrorsinthebrain–howourmindsshareac.onsandemo.ons,2008).

Thefindingsatthat5meweresensa5onalandledtoawaveofinterna5onalbrainresearch.Thenumberofresearchprojectsinthisareaincreasedtwentyfoldfrom2000to2010.

InTheageofEmpathy.Nature’slessonsforakindersociety(2012),ProfessorofPsychology,FransdeWaal,claimsthatinthefuture,thediscoveryofthemirrorneuronsmaymeanasmuchforpsychologyasthediscoveryofDNAhasmeantforbiology.

Muchsuggeststhatthemirrorneurons-or“empathyneurons”astheyhavealsobeencalled–representtheneurologicalfounda5on-thatcangiveustheunderstandingofourinnateabilitytoempathize.Inpar5cular,theseneuronshavesignificanceforourabilitytomirrorandrecognizeotherpeople’sfeelingsandinten5ons.Thismeansthatwehaveaninnateabilitytopar5cipatedirectlyinotherpeople’sfeelingsandac5onswithoutimita5ngthem.Itisasifweareperformingthesameac5on.

Wecandefineamirrorneuronasfollows:

Amirrorneuronisaneuronthatgeneratesanelectricalsignalevery.meanindividualperformsapar.cularac.on-andwhenevertheindividualseesthesameac.onperformedbyanotherindividual(Røsjø2012,p.50).

Røsjøclaimsthatthesubconsciouspartsofthebraincontainnervecellsthatcon5nuously“scan”or“read”sensoryimpressionsandotherpeople’sac5onsandreporttoconsciousnessifthereissomethingthatrequiresspecialaAen5on.Sternreferstothis“scanning”asakindofresonancesystembetweenhumansandthatthisresonanceandmirroringappliestoac5onsmadebythehand,mouth,face,voiceandfoot.Researchshowsthatmirroringtakesplaceinlessthanatenthofasecond.

EmpathicCommunica0onandthemirrorneuronsystem

Theimportanceofthemirrorneuronsystemandhowtheneuronsfunc5onasanonverbalformofcommunica5onbetweenhumansispartoftheteachingincoursesinEmpathicCommunica5on.Throughprac5calexercises,thecoursepar5cipantstraintotuneintotheclientandmirrorwhattheclientputsintowords.

Thestructureofthetool,asmen5oned,isbuiltasaninvita5ontotheclienttoexperiencethepresentmoment.Asdescribedabove,theclientisencouragedasapar5cipantinanEmpathicCommunica5ontodescribehissitua5onandtoputwordsonfeelingsandthoughtshereandnowduringthefirstthreestepsofthedialogue.

TheaimofthecoursesinEmpathicCommunica5onistobuildthehelper’srela5onalcompetencealsoontheknowledgeofourinnateabilitytomirroreachother.

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Inthefourexamplesabove,ithasbeenshownthatthehelpersinthesecaseshaveusedmirroringasanimportantpartoftheEmpathicCommunica5ondialogue.

In"TheBigSister"example,itisdescribedhowthemidwifetunesintoAnnethrough“reading”-thatis,mirroring-whatAnnesays,listeningtothewayAnneexpressesherselfand“scanning”herbodylanguage.ThemidwifeimmediatelyfeelsthesameanxietyandturmoilasAnne.Themidwifepicksupthatherbrother,Hans,isanimportantpersonforAnneandasksAnnetotellmoreaboutherbrother.Thentheyareinaco-crea5onthatleadstoadialogicmomentandinsight:ThesonisnotAnne’sbrother!

Intheexample,“TheBoywhoDidn’tWanttoGotoSchool”,PerandtheschoolnursemirroreachotherinacommonunderstandingthatthenursewantstoknowhowPer“really”feels.She“reads”Per’sanxietyandfollowshistrainofthoughtsun5lPerbecomesconsciousofhisanxietyaboutdying–theanxietythatthenursecanrecognizeinthemirroringthattakesplacebetweenthem.Perisconfidentthattheschoolnursewisheshimwellandhedarestotellthetruthaboutwhyhedoesnotwanttogotoschoolinthemomenthebecomesconsciousofthefearofdying.

Theexample“MenandtheFearofBirth”describesadialogueinwhichthepregnantwomanisencouragedtomirrorherpartner'sstoryofapanic-likechildbirthanxiety.Bylisteningtoherhusband’sstory,thewoman’sempathyisawoken-themirrorneuronsareac5vated-andsherecognizesherhusband’spainandturmoil-thepainbecomesherownandshesuddenlybreaksout:"Youdon’thaveto!!!”

Inthelastexample-“AProudFather”-wecanimaginehowthehealthvisitor,onhearingthehistoryofthenewfather-automa5callymirrorsandrecognizesthefather’sjoyandprideinmasteringadifficultsitua5on.Thehealthvisitoractsasaco-creatorandencouragesthefathertocompletethestorybyaskingforhisreflec5on.Throughthisco-crea5on,aholis5cexperienceunfolds–adialogicmoment–thefather’ssuddeninsightaboutwhathashappenedtohim:He’sbecomeaFATHER!

Thedescrip5onofthefourexamplesemphasizestheimportanceofthehelpernotinterrup5ng,commen5ngorcorrec5ngtheclient’snarra5ve.

Discussion

Ini5ally,Istartedmystoryinthisessaytoshowthatclients’experiencesof“sunnystories”,intheir5me,trustedmeinmyprac5ceasapsychotherapist,formostclientsarerelatedtorela5onshipswithotherpeople.NotonlyaretheexperiencesunforgeAable,asIhavemen5onedabove-theyalsorelatetotherela5onshiptheindividualhashadtootherpeople

Thesestorieshavebeenthestar5ngpointforthedevelopmentoftheEmpathicCommunica5ontool.

IhavefurtherdescribedthatmanycourseleadersandinstructorsinEmpathicCommunica5onexperiencethattheuseofthetoolmaytriggerspecialmomentsof“magic”,changeandinterac5oninthedialoguewiththeclient.

AttheIns5tuAforEmpa5skKommunikasjon(IEK)wewonderaboutthisspecialandsurprisingfindinginourevalua5onmaterial.

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Apossibleunderstandingoftheposi5veexperiencescanprimarilylieinthespecialrela5onbetweenhelperandclient-arela5onthatisbasedonanequaldialogueandthatgoestogetherwiththeinvita5ontotheclienttodescribehimselfinapresentmoment.ClientfeelssafeWhen,inaddi5on,thehelperac5velytunesintotheclientandmirrorstheclient’ssubjec5veprocessinKairos5me,aspecialresonancearises-thetwoexperience‘thelivedlife’atthesame5me.ClientfeelsseenandheardThisnon-verbalcommunica5onthattakesplaceinatenthofasecondcan,asdescribedabove,leadtosurprisingreac5onsbetweenahelperandaclientwhenthedialogicmomentunfolds.Thisisaholis5cexperience.Theclientexperiencesameaningfulmomentofmee.ng,newinsightandarecogni.on.

Wecanaskifitistheunexpectedandsuddeninsightandnewthoughtsthatareexpressedduringthedialoguethatgivecourseleadersandinstructorsanexperienceofsomething“magical”,agoldenmoment,amomentofchangeandamomentofmee5ng.

Anotherpointofviewandunderstandingmaybethatthemagicinthesedialoguesisassociatedwiththedialogicmomentsrepresen5nganalteredstateofconsciousness.Thiscondi5onmayappearasanunknownstateandwayofbeingahelper.Thereisatransgressionofthelinearobjec5ve5me-seing(Chronos5me)tothesubjec5ve5meexperienceofthepresent(Kairos5me)intheactualmomentofmee5ng.Acondi5onthatthehelpermirrorsandrecognizesinhimself.

ThislastpointofviewcanbefoundinMar5nBuber’sthinking.Buber(1878-1965)isocenreferredtoasanexisten5alistand“dialoguephilosopher”.Inhisphilosophy,Buberdis5nguishesbetweenanI-Yourela5onshipandanI-Itrela5onship.Buberdescribesanexisten5almeaningfulmee5nginanI-Yourela5onshipas“Entgegnung”.Thismee5nginvolvesrecogni5onandconfirma5onofeachotherasthepeopleweare.Ontheotherhand,BuberreferstoanI-Itrela5onshipasmerelyan“Experience”.Inthe“Thedialogicmoment”inastateof"Entgegnung",manexperiencessomethingmorethanhimself.Itisdeepest,adivineencounter,Bubersaid.Healsoclaimsthatsuchamee5ngchangesmanasapersonandman’srela5onshiptotheworld.

Thesamedescrip5onofthedialogicmomentasaformofrecogni5onisfoundinBuber'scontribu5oninthebookMomentsofMee.ng,2002.(ThebookisacomparisonofMar5nBuberandpsychotherapistKarlRoger'sviewsofmomentofmee5nganddialogicmoment).Theauthorsofthebook-CissnaandAndersonconcludethatBuberandRogersagreethat

“Certainlytheimpactofdialogueisnotrestrictedtoitsbriefestmoments;butitisamomentaryphenomenon,onethatappearsoUenunexpectedly,perhapsserendipitously,andleavesbeforeweareready”(p.206).

“Dialogicchangeisnotprogressive,notconstant,buttheresultofoUensurprisingandevenepiphanousorsporadicinsight”(p.174).

MuchsuggeststhatBuberandRogers,intheirthinkingandexperience,wereconcernedwithpresentmomentsandchangedconsciousnessstatesinconnec5onwithdialogicmoments.Itisalsointeres5ngtonotethatBuber'sdescrip5onof"Entgegnung"appearstocoincidewiththebasicsof

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thedefini5onoftherela5onshipinEmpathicCommunica5on:Anequaldialogueandco-crea.onofnewreali.esthroughthefreeexchangeofthoughtsandideas.Inbothcases,focusisontheactualmomentofmee5ngandthepoten5alforchangeandrecogni5onoftheotherinsuchamee5ng.

(Thereisprobablynocontradic5onbetweenthetwoapproachesmen5onedabovebutratherthattheconceptscomplementeachother.)

Wecannotethatinoneofhislaterbooks,Buberfindsthatthemostwatershedexperiencewehumanscanhaveistheexperienceoftheveryrela5onbetweentwopeople(BetweenManandMan,1947).Thisisaphilosopher’sviewsseveraldecadesbeforethediscoveryofthemirrorneurons.Buber’sasser5onthatdialogicmomentexperiencesarewatershedscanbeseeninconjunc5onwithKeysers’bookTheEmpathicBrain(2011),whichdealswithmirrorneuronsandempathy.Keyserssaysthatacerthediscoveryofthemirrorneurons:

“Youwillstartlookingatyourselvesdifferently–nolongerasamereindividualbutasadeeplyinterconnected,socialmind.”

Keysers’statementsbringustowhatisnowreferredtoastwo-personpsychologyandrela5onalpsychotherapy.Thisnewdirec5oninpsychologycontrastswithone-personpsychology,themainemphasisbeingontheperson’sisolatedpsyche,suchasegopsychologyandcogni5vepsychotherapy.Thecenterofgravityhasmovedtodayfromtheintrapsychic-theindividual-totheintersubjec5vecommunity.Theever-changingcrea5vedialoguewiththemindsofothers-throughmirroring-showsthatourmentallifeiscreatedinacommunity,saysSterninThePresentMomentinPsychotherapyandEveryDayLife,asreferredtoabove.

Conclusion

Intheanalysisofdialogicmoments,Ihavetakenpointofdepartureinphenomenologicalpsychology,self-psychology,thediscoveryofthemirrorneuronsystemandthetheoryofexisten5alism.

Thebasisfortheanalysisisdatafromevalua5onmaterialfromtheuseoftheEmpathicCommunica5ontoolcollectedbytheIns5tuAforEmpa5skKommunikasjon(IEK)over12years.TheanalysisislinkedtoexperienceswithdialogicmomentsamonginstructorsandcourseleaderseducatedattheIns5tuAforEmpa5skKommunikasjon(IEK).Thereisnoequivalentanalysisofempathiccommunica5onexperienceanddialogicmomentswithclients.

Inall,fourdifferentexamplesofdialogicmomentsaredescribed.Thevaria5onintheexamplesshowsthebroadapplicabilityofEmpathicCommunica5on.TheexamplesareilluminatedwithStern'stheoryoftwodifferent5mecontexts:Chronos(objec5ve5me)andKairos(afavourablemoment,themomentwhensomethinghappens).

ThereismuchsupportforEmpathicCommunica5onenteringanewacademicdirec5on,referredtoastwo-personpsychologyandthenewpsychotherapycourse:Rela5onalPsychotherapy.

EmpathicCommunica5onisarela5onaltool.Thisapproachisbasedonanequaldialoguebetweenclientsandhelpers,wherethegoaloftheco-crea5onduringthedialogistohelptheclientstoexpandtheirexperienceofwhoheorsheis.

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Ithasbeenarguedthatthedetec5onofmirrorneuronsmaymeanasmuchforpsychologyastheknowledgeofDNAhasmeantforthebiology.

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Epilogue

In1982,IaAendedaWorldCongressinPsychiatryinCannes,France,whereIpresentedtheresultsofmydoctoralthesis:PsychologicalReac.onsinWomenandMeninRela.ontoChildbirth.The5tleofthepresenta5onwas:PaternityBlues.

Onthelasteveningofthecongresstherewasasweeping,beau5fulbanquet.ThereIpar5cipatedwithmyhusband,my10-year-oldsonandmy14-year-olddaughter.Weendedupatthesametableasagroupoffriendlychildpsychiatrists.TheywereconcernedthatwehadcomefromNorwayandhadbroughtourtwochildrentoaworldcongressandbanquet.Duringtheconversa5on,oneoftheguestsatthetablegottheunexpectedideathatIshouldsingsomeNorwegianlullabiesforDanielStern-theworld-famouschildpsychiatristwhosatatthenexttable.

SobeforeIknewit,Sternwascalledover.AndsuddenlythereIsatnexttoSternatourtableandsangthebeau5fulcradlesongsthatourchildrenknewsowell.Sternlistenedandhummedalong.Hewaspar5cularlyinterestedinknowingwhatthelyricsinthesongmeant.Therewasapresentmomentforallofus.Weforgot5meandplace.

UnforgeAablefeelingsandthoughtsfromaspecialmomentofmee5ngin1982inFrancehavecomebacktomeduringthe5meIhaveworkedonthisessay.

Afewyearslater–in1990–Sternpublishedhisrenownedbook:DiaryofaBaby.

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Documents

Essay - Empatisk...Essay Dialogic Moments and Empathic Communica5on _____ Lisbeth Holter Brudal Dr. Philosophiae, psychologist, author Ins5tuA for Empa5sk Kommunikasjon (IEK)