- Chef –

- You walk here? All right, good. Turn it around. Legs out. The bag. I gotta still hit the farmer’s market. What time is it?- 10-ish.- It’s 10:00? I gotta pick up the kid. Where’s Tony?- Tony and I were out late last night. But don’t worry, he’s gonna be here. - You got this?- Yes. He’s not gonna flake. Neither am I.- Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Yes, chef.- Wake up. We got a critic coming today. - Why do you think I slept here for, bro? - Let’s get going on the soup. We’re behind on the egg prep. And let’s get the mise on the steak. You still shitfaced? - No, I’m good. I’m good, chef. -All right. Help Martin with the pig. We got the pig. - Lechon.- Hey, pal.- Hey. - Buckle up, buddy. Sorry I’m late. - I’m used to it. - Listen, pal, I don’t think we’re gonna have time to catch a movie today. - Is it cause you’re getting reviewed? - Yeah, how’d you know about that?- Mom told me. - What’d she say? - She said you might be a little worried. - She said I was worried?- Yeah. - Well, mom doesn’t know me that well, ok? - She’s pretty spot-on about you. - Oh, yeah? You know what mommy thinks I should be doing?- What?- She thinks I should get a food truck. - I like food trucks.- Yeah, I like foot trucks. Who doesn’t like food trucks? But can you picture me driving around a food truck? I’m a chef. I work in a restaurant. - ok. - Listen, I gotta go to the farmer’s market, pick up some ingredients. - ok. Can I come? - I was thinking I’d drop you off at the restaurant. Molly’s there.- No, I wanna go with you.

- You’re not gonna be asking me for everything you see? - No. - It’s not about you eating. It’s about me buying groceries.- I know.- ok. Good. You got the purple and white? - Just orange.- Just orange? All right, give me six bunches of those or eight if they’re small. Hang on a second, buddy. And on the radishes here, I use the tops, ok? I need consistent tops. - Dad.- Is that what’s happening? Six of these. Let’s see what we got.- Dad. - What do you want, Percy? What do you want? - Can I please have kettle corn? - Daddy’s working, ok? No, you’re not gonna get kettle… Why don’t you get a nice piece of fruit?- I don’t want fruit. - How can you even ask for kettle corn? You know what kettle corn is? - No.- Kettle corn is carbs covered with sugar, ok? Look at this piece of fruit. Huh? It’s beautiful. How could you even want kettle corn with a gorgeous piece of fruit like this in front of you? Why don’t you have a piece of fruit? So apparently they’re sending a big reviewer, who’s also some huge food blogger. You know what a food blogger is?- Yeah. - A guy who writes about food on the internet. - I know what a food blogger is. - Well, this guy’s a big one and a lot of these big guys, they don’t like me. They got it in for me, because I got a lot of good write-ups when I started out. - They’re haters.- Exactly. We didn’t have that word when I was growing up. There was no word for hater. The most you would say is that somebody was, like, jealous, which didn’t really capture it. The sausage guy is here. You ever try Andouille sausage? - No. - It’s spicy. You like spicy?- No.- It’s not so spicy. Come on That’s from New Orleans. You ever heard of New Orleans? - Yeah.- Yeah? - It’s part of the United States. It’s part of the Louisiana Purchase from Napoleon. - Yeah. That was… I mean, like, now. That was a long time ago.- 1803.

- Whatever. I’m talking about the food, the culture, you know? Like this Andouille sausage. Beignets. You ever hear of that?- We can get it here. - Not the same. When you have it here, it’s good, because it reminds you of, like, a whole world of memories that you have of being there. Cause it’s like… I’m telling you, it’s like a whole different world. - We should go there sometime. -Definitely.- For real? - Yeah. I mean not now. But like… I don’t know. I got… everything’s very full for me. I got this reviewer coming.- After the review? - Yeah, after the review. That would be good. - I’m off school next month. - Next month? Yeah, we could go next month. - Awesome.- Or whatever. Or like if you’re… if it doesn’t… I’ll ask Mom. If it doesn’t work out next month, we’ll go later or something. But we’ll definitely check it out. - I already did. She’s cool with it. - You asked her already? Where’d you get a phone? How come you have a phone already? Everybody your age have phones?- Yo, Bubba, I need some sauce on there, ok? - Whose bacon is this, huh? And I gotta watch this, too? When I find out who it is, grab your ankles, cause here comes Papi Chulo. - Where we at? Talk to me, people. How we doing? - The stock’s simmering, the pig’s broken down, bacon are fine. - Demi’s reducing.- Good. Guys, big night tonight. You all know what’s happening? Yeah? ok, let me know as soon as he gets here. I want people having fun at all the tables around him. Call your pretty friends. Bring them in. Tell them the tickets are on me. All right? And the stemware looks crooked. Let’s get out there. Don’t make me get the fucking ruler out again, please. Thank you. - Oh, chef.- I got the good shit. - Look what he did.- You see this, Martin? - Look at that. That’s a specimen. - Baby carrots. - I got your curry paste with… - Copy that. Copy that. - Carl.- Not right now, please.- Where the fuck did you get these juicy-ass tomatoes?

- Riva’s here. - ok, you got it? Let’s get… What the hell’s Riva doing here? - I don’t know. He was on his way back here. I got him an espresso. Bought you maybe five minutes of time. You should meet him out on the floor. - Just stall him for five minutes. Let me get the staff going, please. - ok. Fine. Expect him to come back here. - Yeah, thank you. - How you gonna keep that psychopath from coming back here? Huh? You got to have a plan. - Boss, you want me to pickle these? - Yeah, pickle these, I want you to pickle… - Is Carl in there?- Yeah. - Hey, Carl. Carl. Are you planning on altering the menu? - Yeah. I can’t do this right now. Please just…. - You know a lot is on the line today. - I know. That’s why the menu has to be perfect. - Yeah, but I can help you plan it. - I can’t do this right now. Just give me five minutes to get my staff going. I’ll come, and I’ll walk you through the menu. - Carl, I’ve done this before. I can help guide you. - I don’t need guidance right now. I need space. Ok? Thank you. - Could we have a little privacy, guys? Huh? I ask you to leave, you gotta look at Carl? - ok, everybody, tomen cinco, take five. You good?- I got it. Go, go, go. Grab a coffee. Let’s get something straight.- Yeah. - You don’t fucking talk to my staff like that. I talk to my staff. That side of the pass is you, this side is me. That was the arrangement that we had when you hired me. - ok, now will you listen to me for a minute? Carl, I get ideas.- Uh-huh.- Sometimes my ideas work. I really don’t care what magazine said that you’re the next big thing. The fact is you work for me in my restaurant, right? I’ve had chefs before you in this kitchen. I’ll have chefs after you. Ok? - All right, good talk. Let me get back to work. - You know who’s coming tonight. We’re being reviewed by the most important critic in the city. - Yes. I’m aware.- You know that his online blog was sold to AOL…- For $10 million. - That’s right. You knew that?- Yes. - ok.

-He’s a big deal and that’s why I wanna cook him a good menu. - You wanna give him a… you wanna cook a good menu? - Yeah. I wanna cook him some good food. - Yeah. Well, then… - And out place is in a fucking creative rut. - In a rut?- In a creative rut. - You do know that we’re doing better than any place in the neighborhood? - I’m not talking about how much money we’re making. I’m talking about creatively, the food that we’re serving. It’s the same food we’ve been serving for five years. -Do you remember what happened when you put guts on the menu? Huh?- Are you talking about my sweetbreads, is that what you meant by guts? - Yeah. When you put that artsy shit on the menu, people don’t like it. Not one person ordered your sweetbreads. Please listen to me. I sank a fortune into the remodel to get you the French cooking top, whatever it is, that tabletop. - French cooking suite. - Right. Not every chef gets that. - No. I appreciate it.- You know why you get it? Do you know why? - No.- Because you deserve it. See, you don’t know that. But I know it. You deserve it. So be smart. Just for tonight. Look, if you bought Stones tickets and Jagger didn’t play Satisfaction, how would you feel? Would you be happy?- No.- No. You’d burn the place to the fucking ground. Your menu works. People love it. Carl, do what you want tonight. Ok? You’re the chef. You know what I think? I think you should play your hits. - All right , let’s go. Pre-shift, guys. Big night tonight. Here’s what we’re doing. We’re gonna do with the favorites, starting with the caviar egg, scallop, French onion soup, frisee salad, lobster risotto, filet, and we’re gonna finish strong with a crowd pleaser, chocolate lava cake. Talk to Molly about wine pairings. Let me know when he gets here. And let’s have fun. Put your heart in it, people, big night. Let’s have some fun. Good, good. - Dad. Dad. Dad, Come on, let’s go. - Thank you, thank you. Look. It’s up, it’s up. It’s up, the review’s up. To the review, here we go. - To you, baby, to you. - My culinary hero.- To the team. “Gauloises Eager to Please. Ten years ago I had the good fortune to dine at Chef Casper’s revelatory Miami bistro, Marrow.”- Miami in the house. That’s your house.- Marrow, baby.

- “The sheer audacity of this fresh, brave voice of the culinary scene reminded me why I write about food as a vocation.” That’s a lot of pressure. “It is nearly impossible to separate my glowing regard for Chef Casper and how much he inspired me from my expectations as I sat down to dine at the recently remodeled Brentwood Gallic staple, Gauloises.” - Yeah, this is good. - “Oh, how times have changed. Over the last decade Carl Casper has somehow managed to transform himself from the edgiest chef in Miami to the needy aunt that gives you $5 every time you see her in hopes that you will like her, but instead causes you to shrink from her cloying embrace, which threatens to smother you in her saggy, moist cleavage. The signature app, intended to impress the country club brunch crowd is the caviar egg. A shirred egg topped with a dollop of caviar is an excuse for the chef to overcharge us for his insecurity and lack of imagination. Carl Casper can best be summed up by the first bite of his needy, and yet by some miracle also irrelevant chocolate lava cake. Casper didn’t even have the courage to undercook the cake, thus curiously lacking its signature molten center. This sad dessert is emblematic of Carl Casper’s disappointing new chapter. His dramatic weight gain can only be explained by the fact that he must be eating all the food sent back to the kitchen. Two stars.” I don’t get it. I don’t get it. - Everyone loved it. He loved it even.- Then why did he write all that mean shit about me? About my food? - Who cares? Who cares? - I do, cause I could have done better. I should have cooked the shit I was gonna cook. - You’re ignoring the fact that everyone was happy and you’re making a problem where there’s no problem. - It’s not hard to make people happy. There are certain things you could put on a menu that will make everybody happy. If you put ahi tuna on a menu, it will sell out. It’s guaranteed. You know that. But I cooked the beef cheek, which is a better dish, and nobody wants to even try it. - It was good, though. - Yeah, for a family meal. - Well, who you cooking for, though? - That’s my point. Why do I have to pick? Why do I have to choose? Why can’t I have both? There are chefs that cook food that they believe in, and people will try it, because they’re open to a new experience and they’ll end up liking it. -What do you want me to say to you? - The truth.- You want me to tell you that you’re the best chef that I ever worked with. And it’s true. Because you are. You are, Carl. You are the best chef I’ve ever worked with. I mean it. - Well, thank you.- You’re welcome. We both agreed not to do that.

- I know. Why don’t I just cook you something? - ok, fuck it, let’s go. - Mom wants to talk to you. - Inez? Inez. - Are you ok? - I got two stars. Ok? Two stars is good, right? I mean, I don’t read that shit normally, but, you know, then he starts writing all this personal shit about me and… how many people you got working? You got like 50 people working here. And Percy’s 10 years old. Does he still need a nanny? He’s in school all day. What does she even do here? Hi Flora.- Hi, Mr. Carl. - I mean, what does he need… what is she doing here? - You know that he’s hurt, right? - Because I was late? I already apologized to him. We’re fine. - Late? He waited for you for one hour. Alone. Outside.- Well, I didn’t realize it was that long. It’s just… that was the day that… You’re right. - I didn’t like what they wrote about you. - I didn’t like it either. It hurt, all right?- You ok? - I’m all right. - Good. - I’m gonna make it up to him. That was fun, right? - Yeah. Where you going? - I gotta work on a menu. - It’s still early. Can I watch?- Yeah, sorry, it’s at work. - I won’t get in the way.- Yeah, I gotta go work. - ok. Bye. -We’ll have fun next week. - ok. - What the hell are you doing here, man? What’s this madness, huh? This is crazy.- Yeah.- You didn’t go home, did you?- No. Come here. Check it out.- Go home, man. You’ve been here all night. Go home. Get some sleep.- Come here. - Fuck Twitter. Come on, get out of here. - Fuck Twitter, what are you talking about, Fuck Twitter? - I mean, you know, fuck them. That’s what I mean. I mean, who reads that shit anyhow?- I’m not on Twitter. I don’t know what you’re talking about. - Nothing, just classic bullshit. What is that?

- That’s carne asada. Check it out. - wow. -Good? - It’s fucking unbelievable, man.- Is it?- Holy shit.- No, seriously. - No, I’m serious. - Tell me the truth.- I’m telling you the truth. It’s incredible.- Is it good seasoning?- The seasoning’s perfect.- Roll that shit. Chef Big Dog, up all night cooking. - Come on in, buddy. Come here. - Tony, check this out. Shut up and taste this, Amuse Douche. Come here.- What we got? Wow.- It’s good? - Huh? Look at that. - Too much heat? - It’s perfect, chef.- It’s good? Seasoning?- Oh, it’s perfect. It’s nice and spicy.- You like it?- Oh, man. - Huh, Jefe? Look at that. - I know. - Yeah? Is it good? - It’s fucking great. - Don’t fuck with me.- But it’s so good. - See, Jefe? I told you.- It’s flavorful as fuck, man.- It’s nice, right? Is it good? - Uh-huh. Yo, Big Dog, fuck Twitter. - Fuck Twitter. Again with the Fuck Twitter. Why should I Fuck Twitter?- You’re not on Twitter? - No. - What, you’re getting too much pussy? Is that the problem? - It’s gotta be, right? - What does Twitter have to do with pussy? - Have you not heard of the term social networking? - Yeah.- Well, that’s what it is.

- It means pussy? - Like, pussy or like getting tickets to something or.. finding about a new band. - Arab Spring, flash mob.- Shit like that. - That kind of stuff. -Anything that requires a database. - So pussy requires a database? - Yeah. -So show me what’s on Twitter that’s so bad that I should see.- Oh, shit, is that gochujang?- Nothing. Nothing.- Damn, you made fucking gochujang? - Yeah, that’s under the squab. - But he’s gonna 86 it. Riva’s gonna 86 it, baby, I know.- Yo, this gochujang is good. Don’t worry about fucking Riva. He ain’t gonna let you serve that Korean shit. - Let me handle him. Don’t worry about that. I got it. He says I can cook whatever I want.- All right. All right. - We’re gonna cook like this. Did you try that? Oh, hey.- Oh, man… Come on.- That’s broccoli rabe a lanchois. Check this out. - This is ridiculous. What have you got over there? - There you go.- Mom cuts off the crust.- Yeah, well, I don’t. - It’s good.- You bet your ass, it’s good. Can you turn that down, please? - Oh, sorry. You know about Twitter? - Yeah, I have an account.- Yeah? How’s it work? - It’s cool. - It’s cool? That’s how it works, it’s cool? - You tweet on it. - Is that like texting?- No.- Sign me up.- ok. So what do you want your user name to be? - Carl.- You can’t just put Carl. It has to be @ something. - @ CarlCasper. - @ CarlCasper. Taken. - Somebody took my name?

- @ChefCarlCasper? Is that cool? - Yeah, that’s good. - @Chef… CarlCasper.- So is this for sex?- No. Is that what you’re doing this for? - No, I’m not doing it for that. Someone wrote something bad. I wanna see what they wrote. - Good. Oh, shit.- Hey. You can’t talk like that. I don’t care if Mommy’s not around. I don’t want you cursing around here. - That review went viral. - What does that mean? - It means it got picked up and re-tweeted everywhere. - So all these people have read the review? - Yeah.- Oh, shit. - I think it’s kinda cool.- I don’t. - No, I mean, us doing this. - Doing what?- You know, just hanging out. - We hang out all the time. - No, like hanging out and doing something. - Well, we do things.- No, not just like watching something or doing something. Like, hanging out and talking. And learning things from each other. - Well, I figured, you know, with you living at Mom’s house and me working all the time that when we hung out, you liked to do fun things. - I think this is kinda fun. You know, just figuring stuff out. Like when you lived at home. - Yeah, I miss that, too.- Then why don’t you move back home? - Percy, I can’t just… You’re not the reason that I’m not living at home, you know that, right? Cause it’s true.- Then why?- Then why what?- Well, why don’t you live home? - Well, Mommy and Daddy, you know… we both grew apart in different directions. But we’re still really good friends. It’s just better if we don’t live in the same house. And that we’re not married. - Oh. - You understand?- No.

- It’s hard to explain. Hey, listen, could we Twitter each other when we’re not in the same place? - Yeah.- Could you show me how to do that?- Yeah. ok. So first you click here and you have to enter your user name. - Right.- You could also log in on your iPhone. You click this button here. It posts to your feed so all your followers can read it. - Dad?- Yeah?- You got 1653 followers since last night.- Oh, is that good?- It’s amazing. - Oh, good. What does it mean? - It means that 1653 people are reading your Twitter feed. - I thought it was like texting. - Did you post anything since last night? - No.- Are you sure?- Yeah, I just sent a private message to somebody. - To who?- To that A-hole food critic. -You can only send private messages to people who are following you. I think you might have posted that publicly. - No, he wrote something nasty about me and then I hit reply and it let me send a message to him. -Dad, replies are public. Everybody can read them. And it looks like he re-tweeted it to all his 123,845 followers. And he wrote back. - What did he say? - I don’t think I should read it. - Just… can you read it to me, please? Read the.. read the reply. - “@ ChefCarlCasper I would rather have you sit on my face after a brisk walk on a warm day than suffer through that fucking lava cake again.” - He wrote that to me?- He wrote it to everybody. - You gotta be kiddin me. - Wow. - You realize how many people have read this? I’m up to 2,000 followers since last night. - You’re trending, bro. - They’re sending me messages. They’re goading me into responding to this prick. - Don’t do it. Don’t do it, man. - Don’t do that, Chef.

- Don’t respond. Take the high road. - I know, but half the people are saying he’s right. - Yeah, but half the people are saying he’s wrong. That’s the fucking internet, bro. - That’s right, listen to him. -That’s social media. You on Twitter?- Yeah, I’m Twitter. - What’s your name?- Little Marty. But all the people following me are people I don’t even want to hang out with during the day. I avoid all.. Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? - This guy.- Don’t do it. What are you writing?- Chef, don’t.. that’s not a good idea. - Just listen. I won’t send it until we all say it’s ok. “Why don’t you come by again tonight? I got a whole new menu just for you, asshole.” - No, no, give me that. Give me that. - That’s not good. That’s not a good idea. - Give me the phone. - Don’t do it. That’s out there now, bro.- It happened.- Why would you do that?- You can’t take that back. - You know what? I threw down the gauntlet. So get ready for a fight. I’m gonna go drop Percy off and when I do, I’m gonna come back and cook the menu we should have cooked last time. - So where are we going today? - I gotta drop you off, kid. I gotta go shopping for tonight. I’m sorry. - Can I come with you?- No, I’m sorry. - How come I’m like, never allowed to be in the kitchen? - Because it’s hot and it’s loud and there’s a lot of bad language. -So, I hear bad language all the time. - Where?- On line.- What kind of website could a 10-yearold get on that has bad language? - YouTube. - YouTube has bad language?- Could I at least come shopping with you? - No. I got a lot to do and I got a lot on my mind. Look who’s waiting for us. Hi, Mommy. - Come here, I missed you. Give me a kiss. Hi.- Hi. - So my publicist said that she can talk to you. Why don’t you talk to her?- About what? About Twitter?

- Everybody’s reading what you wrote. I don’t think you get it. - Get what?- Carl, let's call her. Go inside with me and we call her. Yes, please, tell her to call me immediately. I have Carl with me. I’m at home. Thank you.- All right. I’m gonna go.- No, no, she’s gonna call right back. She was on the other line. - I think you’re making more of this than it is. - I just don’t like to see you like this. - Like what? I’m fine. I just have to get back to work.- You’re never gonna be happy cooking for someone else. - Is this about the food truck? I don’t wanna talk about the food truck again. - Why not? You can cook your own food. You can be your own boss. I can book you for all the parties that I’m doing. - I appreciate the offer, but I don’t need any charity from you or your ex-husband. - Why are you being so proud? - Because I’m working. And despite what you might think, I have complete freedom to cook whatever I want now. I like my life. And as far as your publicist goes, when she calls back, you let her know that I understand that I shouldn’t tweet any picutres of my dick and any career advice should be kept to one’s self. Ok? I’ll see you later. Thank you. I got all this shit in the trunk. Come on. Is it on?- Yeah. We’re doing it. - We’re doing it, guys. - We’re doing it tonight. Come on, let’s get everything out. I want the Cambros, I want the delis out. - It’s all inside the walk-in. Ready to go, baby. - Carl, can you tell me what’s going on for tonight? - No, no, no. How many covers do we have tonight? - How many? We are overbooked. But I just printed out all the menus. - It’s not the menu you got printed. It’s different. - No… That’s what I understand.- We’re doing a testing menu. - Carl, I have to put the wine.. - A tasting menu tonight for Ramsey Michel. - I know, but we have to…- He’s coming here. Everybody knows about it. Did you see the Eater article?- I did. - It’s all over the Internet. It’s great.- I’m so excited for you. I love it so much when you get like this. I really do. But I just.. - Bring in the wait staff, have them taste the food. I want them to understand what we’re going for. - ok.- ok? We’re not pushing specials today. The whole menu is special. - I’m excited.

- I’m excited. I’m finally happy. I’m happy, ok? Am I allowed to be happy at work? - Carl. Carl, we’re staying with the same menu, right? - I have something really good planned for tonight. It’s not sweetbreads. You’re gonna be able to taste it. - That may be true, but we have the most reservations we’ve had on a work night since we opened, you realize that? - I know, I was on Twitter. I was promoting the restaurant. - What?- I was on Twitter. - Yeah, that’s another thing. From now on before you post anything online, I okay it. All right?- The whole reason everybody’s here tonight is because I called out Ramsey Michel online and they’re all coming to watch me stick it in his ass. - Yeah, and you’re gonna Twitter an apology for calling the most respected critic in Los Angeles an asshole. - I’m not gonna fucking apologize to that guy. - What do you mean…- Did you see what he wrote about me? - I don’t give a fuck what he wrote about you.- He started it. - I don’t care. You’re a cook. You’re a chef. This is what you’ve been cooking for years and it works. And either you cook the menu that our customers have come to expect…- You want me to cook the same food? - The same exact…- The same food that he ripped apart? The same guy who’s coming tonight?- The restaurant isn’t filled with critics. It’s filled with people that have been eating your food for the last 10 years. So now suddenly you’re gonna be an artist. Well, be an artist on your own time. - Listen to me. - No sweetbreads. - Listen. - No calves’ brains. - I’m not cooking sweetbreads. Listen to me. The kitchen is my domain. That was our deal.- I don’t give a fuck what the deal was. The deal is now changed. Either you stay or you go. It’s up to you. End of discussion. - We got a full house of people..- Yeah.- who are coming tonight to eat my food. - No, it’s not your food, Carl. It’s not your food. By definition, it’s my food, because it’s my restaurant. I pay for the glasses. I pay for the napkins. I pay for the spoons. I pay

for Molly’s salary. I pay for your entire staff’s salary, ok? So you either cook my menu or Tony can. Tony, you’ve been cooking it half the time anyway. Tell the truth, right? - So you’re threatening to fire me now?- Am I threatening to fire you? No, I’m telling you what I’m prepared to do if you don’t cook my menu. Subject closed. - Well, why don’t you cook the menu without a chef. And we see how it goes tonight. Let’s go, Tony. Fuck this. Tony. Good luck. Good luck, Jack.- Oh, no way. No. No way, man.- Martin, Martin.- No, hell no, come on. - You stay. Stay. Martin. Don't do it.- Come on, let me go, buddy.- Don’t do it. Just stay. Call me.- You’d better believe it, yeah.- Tony, you got a full house tonight. Be a pro, ok?- Get that lava cake out, table 22. Bring that shit back. Bring that shit back. This is table 22. - Just a moment, please. - No, no, no. You didn’t jizz it. Come on, man. - How come it got there?- Welcome back. Lovely to see you again, Mr. Michel. Right this way. - Thank you.- I hope traffic wasn’t too bad. - No, it wasn’t. - 30, I got one.- Table 30’s still missing the risotto. I’ve been waiting…- Table 22, table 25. What’s going on with all these tickets, man? - Yes, how can I help you? - Isn’t this… wasn’t this on the menu last time I visited? - I believe it was. - I was under the impression that tonight was gonna somehow be… be different… more of an event. - I understand. Is there something we can do to make you more comfortable? - Could I speak with the chef? With Chef Casper?- I have a wonderful 09 that I just opened to let breathe. If I may? The last time I was in Napa, the vineyard… they shipped me this bottle as a gift and I’ve just been waiting for the right occasion.- That’s very generous of you. Is Chef Casper here?- Unfortunately, he was called away. - Is he coming back?- I’m afraid that was left ambiguous. I need you out front. They’re three deep at the bar. Get off the phone. - Please let me do my job.

- Please go to the bar. - I’ll go…- Tony.- Carl, I can’t talk right now. We are in deep weeds. - This guy’s tweeting me. This guy’s calling me out online. What the fuck are you serving? - I don’t know. They’re serving the same shit. - What’s he eating?- I think he’s… - What course is he on? - He’s… he’s eating the chocolate lava cake right now. - You just keep him right where the fuck he is. - What?- I’m parking the car. - Carl, what?- Don’t let him leave. Keep the motherfucker there. Is he here? Is the fucker still here? - Oh, fuck.- Let’s go into the back of the house, and we’ll have.. - I just want to say one thing. I just want to say one thing. - Let’s go to the kitchen… - Stop it, stop it for a second. Just… I’ve been waiting to talk to this prick for a long time. I am not cloying. I am not needy. I don’t care what you think. You’re not gtting to me. I’m not needy. Chocolate lava cake is not just undercooked chocolate cake. That’s not what makes the center molten. You take a frozen cylinder of ganache and you set it in the remekin so as the outside cooks fully, the inside becomes molten. - ok. Ok.- It’s fucking molten, see? It’s fucking molten, you asshole. And you don’t do anything. What do you do? You sit and you eat and you vomit those words back to make people laugh. You know how hard I worked for this shit? Do you know how hard my whole staff works? What sacrifices I’ve made to make you happy and then you just smugly just fucking shit on my shit? - ok. - It hurts.- Yes. - It fucking hurts when you write that shit. It hurt you.- It does. It does.- He was… e thought you were gonna close his fucking restaurant down. You asshole. And what do you do? You just write shit to make… you just make shit up. My shit was molten. It’s fucking molten. Asshole. You’re not getting to me. - ok. Ok. - You’re not getting to me. - ok, Carl.

- He’s not getting to me. -No, he’s not.- I know, but you’re a publicist. Don’t you have relationships? Isn’t that what you’re hired to do? To take things like this off the Internet? - But it’s out there. Even if I could persuade one site to pull down one clip, there are a dozen others from other cell phones. - What should we… should we at least lawyer up and threaten legal action or something? - You threatening them with lawyers builds on a story that's already getting a lot of play. And then you get another week of headlines. And then you got this food critic posting fresh blogs about you nonstop. And they’re all getting picked up and the picked up headlines are getting picked up by each other. - You know, it’s absolutely unbelievable. I’ve never seen any…- So wait a second..- What?- You’re saying there’s nothing that I could do? - To get the footage down? No, that lives forever. - Great. Awesome. - But there just might be an opportunity here. - How can this possibly be an opportunity? - Well, I was holding off until we spoke, but I’m fairly certain we have a good shot at Hell’s Kitchen. - Wait, what?- The reality show. - I don’t think you understand what’s going on here. I’m a real chef. -You said you needed money, right? -A job. A job, not money. I need a job, like I had. - Well, your Twitter account says you’ve got 20,000 followers. That’s pretty damn big. - Yeah, I’m gonna cancel the account. Don’t worry. - Don’t cancel it. I can get you money to mention a few products. - Are you listening to me? I don’t want to get involved with any of that. I wanna cook food.- You got two choices. You can either lean into it and work it for all it’s worth..- Like Honey Boo Boo. I don’t want to do that. - Do you know how much money she pulls down? Or her mother? - I don’t care what she makes. Just get to your point. - Or you can go underground and wait till the storm passes. You got tow choices. - I thought this shit lives forever online. - It does, but there’s so much news out there and it’s so fast and there’s so much white noise, nobody remembers anything. - ok, thank you for taking the time and walking me through everything. It was very Illuminating. - Oh, you’re hanging up? Ok, listen.. I want you to call anytime. I’m right here.

- ok. - If you can’t get me, I’m on a cell phone and I’ve got a pager. -ok. Thank you and thank Inez for me. - No, thank you. And what about Hell’s Kitchen?- What about it?- You still want me to pursue it, right?- No, I don’t want you to pursue it. - ok, I won’t call them, but I’ll e-mail. - Are you not listening to… I’m gonna go, ok? I got a call coming in. - ok, all right. I’ll tell you how Hell’s Kitchen goes. - Fucking idiot. Oh, man. Hey, Inez.- Hi. Did you talk to Jen? - Yeah, I just got off with her. - And? - And you know… it’s terrible. What do you want me to tell you? I can’t dress it up, I just wanna cook. - Everything is going to work out. - Yeah, a half dozen places tried to poach me when I was back at Gauloises. I’m trying to line up some interviews for next week. - That’s good. - Yeah, so, listen, until this whole job thing works out, could you keep Percy for me? – But you’re still taking him with you to New Orleans, right?- Is he there?- I’ll tell him. - Let me talk to him. Put him on.- Hey, Dad. I understand if we can’t go to New Orleans. - Oh, man, thank you so much for saying that. It’s just Daddy’s so busy with work right now. You’re the best.- Maybe some other time. - Yes, we will for sure. Thank you. - Bye.- Oh, Jefecito. What’s up, man? Look, everybody, Jefe’s here. Come on, give me some drinks. Something premium. Ketel One for the man. Oh, dude. Oh, you’re everywhere. - You saw it?- Oh. - It’s bad. How bad is it? - You saw it? You saw it? - I saw it. It’s everywhere. - It’s terrible, man. It’s terrible.- Is it bad?- You’re never gonna work again. - I am, though. No, seriously, there are people who are calling me.

- Dude, they are? Oh, great.- Yes.- I’m glad to hear that.- Yeah. - I knew that you would have something bigger than this. That’s why you don’t care about coming back here. So you came back to tell me you got me a gig? Cause I’ll leave Gauloises like that, baby. - No, it’s… trust me, you’re the first phone call, as soon as something becomes real.- I’m going with you. Don’t leave me behind agian.- I will not. - Don’t ever do that again.- Please don’t hit me.- This guy.- I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I was on the spot, bro. I had been drinking that day. I didn’t know what to do. I’m a pussy, basically.- It’s ok, it’s over.- I’m really sorry, Chef.- I vouch for that. - It’s fine. What are you gonna do? I shouldn’t… it’s a big opportunity… I don’t want you to lose your job. - They put you on YouTube..- I know. - I felt so responsible for that shit. That shit was funny, by the way. - What was funny about it?- Everybody saw it.- It’s not funny for me.- It’s just that like everybody I know saw it… - I know, I know. - So I kind of felt famous by knowing you. - Is it a little bit funny? Like it’s…- It’s unbelievable. - Is it… they’re laughing at me or with me?- A little bit of both. They’re laughing with you and at you at the same time. -It’s so embarrassing. - Oh, it is terrible. It is so bad. But it’s funny too at the same time. It makes you kind of, like, likeable in a weird kind of way. - Yeah, that guy deserved it.- And you trended, bro.- Everybody knows that guy deserved it. - But seriously, I’m sorry. - It’s all right. You know. I’m gonna land on my feet…- Oh, you will. - Yeah, well, good. I know.

- I’ll get my next gig. - I’m gonna be there with you.- Everything will be fine. - I’m your sous-chef now and forever.- We’re going, man.- You’re not my sous-chef any more. You are a chef de cuisine. - But I wouldn’t even be there… I wouldn’t be shit if it wasn’t for you. - it doesn’t matter. Riva’s right about one thing. You are ready to run your own kitchen, so don’t blow it. It’s a big opportunity for you.- To Tony’s big new opportunity.- To Tony’s big opportunity.- To chef de cuisine. - I don’t like how it happened, but I’m happy it happened. Ok?- Two words, man. You guys, I love you fucking guys. I love you, Tony. I love you.- Thanks, Chef. Love you, man. - I love both of you. We love you, man. Let’s have a three-way right here. Come on. - Thanks, bro.- Hang on a second, hang on. - I love you, man. I’m glad you made up with him. -Thanks, dude. Did you take the garbage out? - The truth of the matter is… nobody’s calling me. I got no job prospects whatsoever. - What about those offers you got? - No. I got..it’s all dried up. - Nobody’s returned my…- Why, from the online shit? It must be from the online thing. -Come on.- I’m like a fucking cat playing a piano. - I don’t even know what that means. - I’m everywhere. Ok? Like, I’m like a meme. You know what a meme is? I’m a meme. I’m a fucking meme. - Carl, you need to take a break. - I’ve been on a break. I’ve had too much of a break. - No, you need a real break.- I need to work. I need to get back to work in a kitchen. - You don’t.- I don’t care. - Carl.- I wish I never would have… I should’ve cooked the shit he wanted me to. - You gonna go work for another Riva in some other restaurant? You’ve been miserable here as long as I’ve known you, Carl. - That’s not true. We’ve had a blast. - Yes, we’ve had a blast and now it’s time for you to go. You don’t belong here anymore, you know it. Come on.

- What’s this… who’s this girl? - Carl.- What?- Be real with me. - I am. - You’ve been ignoring a lot of things in your life that need your attention, like Percy. - I’m not dad material right now, if you hadn’t noticed. I’m embarrassing. He sees all this shit on the computer. - Well..- His friends have ..- Maybe it’s important for you to talk to him about it then. - I just… - He needs you, Carl.- I don’t know him, ok? He’s at a weird age. - Why don’t you take this time to get to know him? I want you to be happy. You’re not happy. You’re never gonna be happy here. - I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’ve never no known what I was gonna do. I’ve always known. There’s always been the next thing to do. And now that it’s all ended and I’m like, fucking lost. - I think that’s a good place to start. Come here. You’re the best. - Yeah.- I’ll hold down the fort, I promise.- ok. You do that. Thank you. Hi, Flora. Is Percy here? Percy aqui?- He’s inside.- Can you tell him I’m here? - Sure.- Thanks. Hi.- Why are you here?- I’m here to see…to see Percy. It’s been a while.- I’m glad you’re here, but why didn’t you call to say that you were coming? - I don’t know, because… - He said he’s sleeping. - ok. I’m gonna go talk to him. - No, no, wait one second. -She said he says he’s sleeping. But if he was sleeping, she would just say he’s sleeping. So he’s not sleeping. Let me talk to him.- No, wait, can you come and talk to me for one second first? Please. Come. Percy and I are going to Miami to see my father. So why don’t you come with us? - What?- Yeah, come with us.- You want me to go… I can’t come with you to Miami. I don’t… I got all.. I don’t have any money. I need to wait to get another job. For all this shit to blow over, wit the Internet and the Twitter and all that shit.

- Yeah, but you know, I could lend you some money before you…- I don’t want your money. I can’t take charity from you.- You know that he’s really upset, because he couldn’t go with you to New Orleans, right? He’s hurt. He misses you. - ok. What do you want me to do? - You know that the nannies can’t get on the plane. So, why don’t you come with us and you take care of him while I work?- So you need me to come with you to watch Percy? - Yeah.- So I’m the nanny. - Yes, his nanny in Miami. It might be good. That’s where it all happened for you. That’s where Percy was born, that’s where you got your first job as a chef. Maybe it will just, like, clear your mind out. - You think Percy will be ok with that?- Percy would love it. What do you say? I have to run out for a quick meeting, so make sure when you go upstairs that everything is pressed, order him some food, make sure he takes a nap, a bath… - Wait, wait, a nap? - Get him ready for tonight. - I’m 10.- It’s gonna be a long night. We’re gonna see Abuelito play. - Where? At Hoy Como Ayer? Isn’t he a little young for that?- Young for what? - He’s not going to perform forever. He wants his grandson to see him play at least once. - All right, well, better keep an eye on him. That place could get pretty crazy. - Me keep an eye? That’s why you’re going, too. - Where are we?- This is Little Havana. - Like in Grand Theft Auto? - No, this is where I grew up.- You did?- Yes, and this is where Abuelito lives and works. - Grandpa still works? What does he do? I can’t see.- I know Papa. - What did he say?- He’s asking if we’re back together. - No, no, we’re friends. I’m helping watch the baby. Wait, what’s he… I don’t understand. - He said that you look like you’ve gained a couple of pounds since he saw you last.- Maybe since last time, I understand, but, actually, recently I’m down 15 pounds. 20?- He’s saying he lost 20 pounds.

- I know what he said. But I’m down… that was in two months. I’m down..in two weeks. I’ve lost 15. My suit doesn’t even fit me anymore. - He’s saying his pants might fall. - 20 pounds. 20. - Why does he have to say 20? I say 15, he says 20. I could… all right. These are really good. We should wake up Percy so he can try one.- He’s saying no, let him sleep. It’s too late.- No, but he’s never had a real Cuban sandwich. I want him to try it. - He said that you should make him one. - I want him to have a real one from here, from Little Havana. - Everything ok?- This is really good, by the way. - Yours are way better. -You think people would like this kind of food back home? You think people would like it?- Yeah, it’s real food. Why not?- Maybe I’ll talk to Marvin. Let me hear him out. You know? See what he’s got in mind for the food truck. You think he’s in town? - I don’t know but, you know, I can find out tomorrow. I’ll call him. - You know he’s here. Is this the whole reason you brought me out? - I don’t know what you’re talking about. Try this. The yucca’s amazing. - I love yucca. Holy shit. Hi, I’m Carl Casper. I’m here to see Marvin. - Booties?- Excuse me? - In case you don’t want to remove your shoes. - Thank you.- Follow me, please.- Casper’s here.- How you doing? - I’m glad you’re here. Look at you.- How’s it going? - Come over here. Candy, come over here. You’re a sight for sore eyes. What, do you want to eat something? I want to see you eat something. All right? I’m worried. Eat some crackers, or something. Thanks. Look at you. She’s pregnant. Just found out. - The… this one? - Pissed on a stick, came in, laid it on me 5 seconds ago. -Is it.. so it’s yours?- I don’t know. That’s what she’s saying.- You don’t… - I know. I got a problem, cause she’s the best receptionist I’ve ever had. - Yeah.- Good news is I had my tubes tied in 08, so clearly she’s also a fucking liar.

- Right. That’s tough. -What do you want? You want a coconut water? You ok?- I’m all right. I’m all right. - Do you want a drink?- I would… no. - Let’s make some decisions together. Let’s start right here. Let’s start off easy. We got shit to talk about. Look, bang. I got four swatches, right? Let’s start off easy and then we’ll get into the uncomfortable stuff. Pick it. - The… For the… for here? I don't know. - Yeah, I’m putting a carpet down, cause people keep slipping around like it’s a fucking ice rink in here. - But you can always get them to take the booties off and… - Can’t do that. - Then, we’ll go with, I don’t know, this one? - You like that one? - I think.. if I had to… if you’re not going to paint, I would… This just seems like it goes with anything. - People aren’t walking on the walls, Carl. Or I could keep it if I want. - The…- Keep the kid knowing that it’s not mine. - Yes.- You know, for once I’m a good guy. She stays on my desk and I fucking got something on her. But you decide. What do you think?- Are we, you know… we’re talking about the carpet now or are we talking about the… We’re talking about…- I don’t even know any more. - I think… I’d go with the brown and as far as that goes that’s a personal…that’s.. I don’t know. - You’re not a turd. Ok? I don’t want you to feel that way coming in here with your hat in your hand. You went fucking crazy on the Internet. That was awesome. You lost your respect, which I love, because it’s passion. You know, you lost everything you know… you ‘re not a loser, but you have lost ok? You’re not a turd. A turd that lost. - I don’t know that I feel like a turd. - Good.- I feel like I had a bad week. I feel like I lost my job, I made an ass of myself on the Internet. I’m divorced, I’m old, I got no money. I live in a shitty apartment in Venice. But you know what makes me feel like a turd? That I’m in my ex-wife’s ex-husband’s office and asking for a fucking favor and all he’s doing is busting my balls. - I like this humility. It’s good. Truth be told, food truck’s a great idea. - You know what I mean? I think we take it back to something simple. Let me see if I got something to say any more. I don’t even know. - It’s no problem.- I’ll pay you back.

- As long as it’s not weird for you. I don’t want you to feel like because you were with Inez and you guys were sleeping together and I was with her and we had this… I was with her, then you were with her and then maybe I fucked her after. I don’t even know what happened with us. I came out to LA for a Clippers game once. And I think we had a couple of drinks and we went to Islands and I think she had a … - What happened between you?- I don’t even… You know what? It doesn’t matter. Here’s what happened. We’re talking about a white on white 88 Chevy Grumman food truck. It’s a blank canvas for your dreams. I’m gonna have them pull it around. -Thank you.- Don’t thank me till you see it. - Yeah, I’m in Miami now. - What happened to all those interviews you had? - None of the prospects panned out. - For real?- Yeah. It sucks. So I guess you’re gonna have to stay there for a while, bro. - Hey, Carl, hey, papi, mira, I don’t know if you heard or not, but… I got bumped up, man, to sous-chef. - Sous-chef?- Yeah. - No shit, that’s excellent. Congratulations, man, that’s a big deal. - Thank you, man. That means a lot coming from you, seriously. Yeah, but enough about me. So what are you gonna do?- You’re gonna laugh. I got a food truck.- Get the hell out. No shit, you got a fucking taco truck? Tony. Tony, Carl’s got a fucking taco truck.- For real? Jefe. Like with tacos and shit?- Yeah, I would assume. What are you going to cook? - You know, Cuban sandwiches, platanos, arroz con pollo…. Simple shit like we used to do for family meal. - Oh, yeah, I remember those days, man. - Fucking opening a taco truck, man. - Goddamn. I would love some of that shit right now. - What the fuck is he doing with a taco truck? - It’s good, right? It could be cool. - Get the fuck off the phone, bro, let’s go. - All right ,all right. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, man. Attila the Hun is calling me. I gotta go, man.- All right. Be good, man. - Is this the new truck?- This is it. This is the truck. It’s got good bones. It’s gonna need a lot of work though. - Ay. What doesn’t?- Wanna take a look around, champ?

- Do I have to?- Go. Go and look at your dad’s new truck. - Can I ask you a question? - Is something wrong?- Did you sleep with him? - With who?- With Marvin? Did you sleep with Marvin? - But of course I did. He’s my ex-husband. - I mean since we were divorced. Have you slept… who did you sleep with last, him or me? - I’m sorry, but this is none of your business what I did after I divorced you. And second of all, I don’t ask you what you do with your hot little waitress. - That’s completely different and that’s not fair to say.- ok, really.- Yes, this is somebody you loved that you shared a life with and I’m… - Why do we have to talk about this right now? - Today? Because I took a business meeting with the guy. - This is not the moment. - It is. I want to know why.- This is why… - I’m taking a truck from him. He’s smiling at me like he’s got something on me. I don’t know what it is.- Please, you know him. You know how he is.- I do know how him. - ok, so who cares? - I care.- Why do you need to know? - I just would like to..- ok. Ok. - It doesn’t bother me. I just want to know. - ok. Just listen. I was very sad. I was very lonely. And you, more than anyone, know…- ok, that’s it. That’s enough. That’s enough. That’s all I wanted to know.- How I get after, like, I have a couple of drinks. - I don’t wanna know the details. Please.- You know, I get… - I’m not your girlfriends. Just don’t tell me. Stop talking.- He was my first. It came out like a natural..- ok, the kid’s here. I don’t wanna know details. I don’t wanna know about this.- We didn’t.. We didn’t go through with it. We sat there and we realized we’re just good friends. - I think there’s something dead in there. - Ew. Ok, go and look for it. Maybe it’s a rat.

- Let’s go look for the rat. - I have to go work a little bit and I’ll be back. - She’s gonna go work.. - No, wait, wait, wait.- You’re going? No, no, no. - Yes, what do you mean?- You can’t leave.- You said you were going to help me, ok? Go work with your dad. It’s fun. I’ll be back later. Bye.- All right, take the bucket, fill it. You see the hose? Trash, trash, trash. Save that, save that. Save the metal ones. Tip it over. All right, buddy. I got some presents for you. Watch this. Steel wool, right? Scrub brush. Right? I want you to do that on the whole truck. Hey, buddy, you don’t have to clean that. We’re throwing it out. All right? Clean something else. All right, that looks good. Clean out the low boy now. - The what?- The reach-in fridge, right here. Clean this out. - Oh. That’s it. That’s where the smell’s coming from. What is that?- I don’t know. Whatever it is, clean it out. What the hell are you doing? - You told me to clean it out. - I didn’t tell you to throw it in the garbage. It’s a perfect good hotel pan. Scrub it out. - No, that’s gross. I’m not cleaning that out. - Pick it out of the garbage. - Are you kidding? It’s disgusting. -You don’t throw it in the garbage. Like we saved all the rest of the stuff. Let’s just clean it out. - No. - Pick it out of the trash.- No.- Pick it out of the trashcan. You wanted to work in a kitchen, this is what working in a kitchen is, ok? We don’t throw shit out. - Yeah. I wanted to come and cook, not clean it. - Pick it out of the garbage. - No. I cleaned your whole stupid truck. Why you are so mean to me?- Hey, I can’t get a hold of your mom. But you… the truck looks great. You did a great job. I’m sorry I was mean. That wasn’t right of me. I gotta pick up some equipment for the truck. You wanna come with me and help me pick out a stove till Mom calls back? - Fine.- All right. Let’s go. You know what this is? - French fries?- That’s right, a fryer. This is the one we need right here. Come on, let’s go. Double convection oven underneath. It’s a real workhorse, 60 inches. I think we could fit them on the truck. What do you think?

- Let’s get it.- Let’s get this one. Good. Done. This is the.. Here’s what we need. This is the thing I was looking for. Right there. - A George Foreman Grill?- That’s not a George Foreman Grill. It’s called a plancha. We make Cuban sandwiches on that. This is the key to our entire livelihood. We need two of these.- ok.- Looks good. You know what? Let’s also get the 6” chef’s knife with the plastic handle. - Then you need also the holder. - Yeah, let’s get a cover as well. Ok, you see this, Percy? That’s a chef’s knife. A real chef’s knife. It’s not a toy. You understand? This thing’s sharp. It can send you to the hospital if you’re not careful. I’m gonna teach you how to use this thing. But a chef’s knife, it belongs to the chef, not to the kitchen. So it’s your responsibility to keep it sharp, clean, not to lose it. Can you handle that?- Yes.- Now this is a good knife. It’ll last you a long time if you take care of it. Don’t lose it.- I won’t. Thank you.- You earned it. - How are we gonna get it in the truck?- Well, Marvin said that we could use some of his guys to help out. Hey, guys. Hello. I’m Carl. This is my truck. I need some help moving this equipment in. Marvin said that you guys might help me. I got it. Mind if I borrow this? Get to the top floor. - Maybe a little higher? - The hard part was getting it over to the truck and now we just have to tip… if I can get one end up on the tailgate. - Oh, he, hey, don’t do that. You’re gonna rupture something, man. - Hey.- Martin. - Hey, killer. What’s up? How you doing, little gangster? Huh? - What the hell are you doing here? - I warned you, man. I warned you. If you got another gig, I was gonna drop everything to be our line cook, didn’t I? - This is a food truck. You’re a sous-chef now. - So? Food trucks don’t need a sous-chef? - ok, fine. You’re hired. It pays nothing. - I’ll take it.- Nice.- You’re not gonna scare me, buddy. - Thank you so much.- Good to see you, buddy. - You must have just jumped on a plane as soon as we got off the phone.

- Dude, I was so jealous. When I heard your voice, I was like, “That’s what I want to do.” - I’m so happy you’re here.- Me, too, man. - We’re trying to get this up in the truck.- Yeah?- I need some sort of, like, lever and fulcrum. - Come on, everybody, everybody together. Come on. Holy shit. Nah, we can’t do this. No way. Not without one of us hurting ourselves. No, no, no, no. Stop. Stop. I got it, I got it. Carl, easy. - It’s good to know Spanish.- You gotta, man. - Thank you. Thank you, guys. Ok, good. Fryer, next?- No, no, forget the freaking fryer, man. I’m gonna fill up the propane tanks. When you go to the market, get cerveza, not beer. - I can’t go to the market. We still gotta hook up the fryer. We gotta get rid of the steam table. - No, baby, by the time you get back, I’m gonna have this spotless and cleaned up for you. I got a lot of marinating to do. I promised these people the best sandwich o their lives. Come on. - ok. Good. So..- Get me the mojo.- Ok, so what do you need? Oranges, onion, garlic. - That’s right, why don’t we juice it up a little bit? Huh?- Tomatillos. Chilies..- Some chilies. Yeah, cilantro. Get the hell out of here.- Let’s go. Ok, look, the key is you gotta look for ingredients, and then that gives you ideas of what to cook. Like this is yucca, right? Get some of that. Those look great. See that? And…oh, come here. You know what this is? - Bananas? - That’s called a plantain. Platanos. These are maduros. Feel how soft? That’s the sweet kind. But we want the green ones. Here, hang on to this. This is what you make tostones with. That’s Martin’s favorite. - I got it. I got it.- You got it? - I got it.- Too much? - No, I got it. - ok. Watch out for tarantulas. Come on. - What?- Oh. - Oh, that’s good. - Oh, look at that. Oh, yeah. My masterpiece, baby.

- That’s beautiful. - Miami, I am back. Pow. - You could have just bought this at the store. I think they sold it there. - Sure that’s your son, man?- I don’t know. - You’d better get a paternity test. - Look at that. Can I get a little of that?- It looks incredible. - Can I have some? - Oh. Martin. - Please, just give me some. - It’s not from the store. You might not like it. -It’s fatty, but not heavy.- Just please give it to me. Guys, give it to me.- You don’t want any of this. - Yes, I do.- You’re probably a vegan anyhow. You can’t eat this.- I’m not vegan. - It’s not from the store.- Oh, my God. - Martin, come on. Martin, can I have some? - Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. Hold on a second. - Come on. - Can I give him a piece? - No, man, he’s not… All right, all right.- Let me think about it.- Just a little piece. Let’s see. - Pretty good.- Pretty good? Pretty good. Come on.- Better than the store? - Just one more. - That’s the best shit you ever had in your life, come on, man. Oh, give me another one. If you’re gonna give him some, give me some. Don’t be cheap. - Hang on.- I want more. - You know what? Let’s make some sandwiches. - Yes, sir. Let’s get to it. - All right, good. Ready? Ready to go?- Hey, little man, is the plancha red hot? Huh? - Me?- No, I’m talking to the grill. Yeah, you. - Do I touch it?- Well, what do you think?

- No. -That’s right, no, genius.- Hey, look. Come over here, look. See this water? Bang. Is it hot?- Yes. - Tell him it’s hot.- It’s hot.- Ok.- Is it hot as your daddy’s underwear? - Good. Now watch, come over here. - Here we go, papi. Perfect. Perfecto. - Now watch me. Watch what I’m doing. - Two slices of ham, three of pork. - There it is. Now come over here. - Now the maestro. - Two slices of cheese. One, two. Two pickles. - ok, 2 pickles. - Big pickles. Nice. One, two. Now watch this. Take this. Mustard, from end to end.- ok.- You go side to side, not forward and back. Now, this is the most important part. This is what makes it a Cubano. -ok.- Take the butter. See that? - Yeah.- On top. Take a little bit. Butter the grill. In. Just like that. Now watch. I want you to watch for the bread to get golden. And I want you to watch for the cheese to melt. When that cheese is melted and that bread’s golden, but not burnt, you call me, you tell me it’s done and we’ll check, ok?- ok.- Keep an eye on it. I want you to watch everything everybody’s doing, because when we’re hopping, you’re gonna have to jump in on the line and help out. - I think it’s done.- You think it’s done? - Oh, look at that.- Now, you see how golden that is? That’s how you want it to be every time.- Nice job. - You gotta be like a robot when you’re on the line. - You’re the shit, baby, you’re the shit. - ok?- 3 equal pieces.- Let’s see what we got. - All right, here we go.- Oh, hot.- Let me see.

- Look at that cheese. - Oh, my God, man. This is the shit. This is it. - This is it. This is it.- It’s incredible.- This is empingao. - Empingao.- Empingao, man. So, is it good? - It’s amazing. - Then I guess we’re open. - Wait, wait, wait. We’re open? I didn’t get to finish my sandwich. - Here you go. - What do I do?- Cut the bread. There’s cerveza down there. - Little man, shake your hazelnuts. Get me some more ham.- Ok.- More, give me some more. - We got 12 all day.- 12 all day?- All right, I got 4 right here. - Behind you. Behind you.- That one’s not good. You like it?- We like it a lot. - Thank you very much. - Hey, Jefe, this sound system sounds like ass. But, hey, I got a cousin who knows a guy who’ll hook us up with all our musical necessities.- My credit cards are maxed out and we’re not charging for food yet, so we’re gonna have to wait on the sound system. - Yeah, but you look happy, baby, don’t you? - So happy. So happy.- Yeah, that’s worth something, isn’t it? - I got one. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s burnt. - So? They’re not paying for it. - Come with me. Get off the truck. You got this?- Yeah, I got it. I got it. You get down.- Slow down for a second. Is this boring to you?- No, I like it. - Yeah, well, I love it. Everything that’s good that’s happened to me in my life came because of that. I might not do everything great in my life, ok? I’m not perfect. I’m not the best husband and I’m sorry if I wasn’t the best father. But I’m good at this. And I wanna share this with you. I wanna teach you what I learned. I get to touch people’s lives with what I do. And it keeps me going and I love it. And I think if you give it a shot, you might love it, too.

- Yes, Chef. - Now, should we have served that sandwich? - No, Chef. - That’s my son. Get back in there. We got some hungry people. He’s ready to cook. - We did good, man. - We did good. - We got something here. - I say we stick with just the traditional menu. - We don’t get too fancy. - Yucca fries, we got the fryer. - That’s classic. You want another beer, boss? - No, I’m good.- All right. Here you go, little man. - You sure? Is this beer? - No, of course not. I would never hand you beer. That’s cerveza. - I’m 10, I can’t have beer. - You’re not 10. You’re kitchen staff. Kitchen staff doesn’t have an age. - Dad?- You can have a sip. Huh? Like piss, right?- Worse. - You remember that when your friends offer you a beer. I figure we go to South Beach, stake out the truck a little bit, get the menu straight. Then after we’re really confident, we got something good, then we drive back to LA. - And hit a few extra cities on the way?- Why not? - Can I come?- Can you come? -Come where?- On the trip. - This isn’t a trip. We’re just driving the truck back. You’re flying first class with Mommy and all the divorce money.- Yeah, but you’re stopping in cities. - Yeah, but you got school.- I’m on break. - I don’t know. - Martin, I like your mojo. - Hey, hey, don’t work me. - You hitting Martin? You’re working Martin? - Working me like that. - He’s ice cold.- He knows my soft spot, though. - He likes mojo.- He got me, man.

- We’ll talk to your mom. We’ll see what she says. - I already did. She’s cool with it.- Look at that. He’s not.. he’s 10, he’s got a phone. - Good for you, good for you, man. Get things done. - Yeah, she really did. - Why not? Why not? Bring him along. - So I’m going? - Yeah. Yeah, you can come. - I gotta go to the bathroom. - Go by the backhoe. - You want me to take a poop over there?- Hey, Carl, Carl, check it out. I’ll drop you guys off at the hotel and in the morning you go get the rest of the ingredients, stock up on some stuff and I’ll put a fresh coat of paint on this. - Don’t bother painting. We’ll paint it when we get back. It looks fine like this. - No, no, man. This is on me. My cousin knows a guy. I’m gonna hoot it up. All right?- ok. - Who’s hungry? Huh? - If you change your mind, you call me and I’ll go get you anywhere. - Come on, let’s sell sandwiches, baby. - ok, call me. - Come on, buddy.- All right, buddy, I need you to get me a crowd. - Yes, Chef. - All right. - You know it. Step right up. Best Cuban food in all of South Beach. Come on, don’t be afraid. Step up. If you need it more authentic, you can swim 90 miles that way. Ok, 4 medianoches coming up. I’ve got Cubano. - You got it?- I got 4 ready over here. - Yucca fries, platanos was you? - Yeah. - Here we go. Thank you, sir. Thank you for your patience. - Who needs a little bit more?- We got 4 Cubano all day. - 4 Cubano all day. - Hey, this one’s not ready, ok? I’m buttering that one. - I got it. I got it. - Crap.- Yucca. - Hey, I burned my finger.- You ok? You wanna keep going or you wanna stop? - I wanna keep going.

- ok, keep going, keep going.- Go, little man. - Help him out. Help him with that banana ketchup and the yucca fries. Go with the chili, the chili vinegar.- Good job.- Hold on one second, it’s coming. - Is that enough? - Perfect. Here you go. It’s perfect. - Step aside, step aside. Thank you. Who’s in charge here? - Me. What do you need, sir?- I need to talk to you on the side here.- Ok. I got you.- On the side, please. Right away. - Ok, I got it. I got it. I got it. - All right, all right, relax, relax. Keep it down. Keep it down. - Hang on guys. Come on Hang on, hang on. Hang on, hang on.- I need to see a permit. - A permit, yeah, we got it. Are we good? - Yeah, permit’s good. You’re just not good to sell here right now. - ok, all right. Thank you. So just what? Like a half mile down the road? - Yeah. As long as you’re not right here on South Beach you’re ok. - ok, no problem. Sorry about that. - Aren’t you the lava cake guy? - Yeah, from the internet.- Yeah. Yeah. My kid and I saw you on Tosh.O. You were hilarious. - ok, great. - That was hilarious.- ok.- He, can I get a quick picture with you for my kid? For my kid.- Sure. Yeah.- Hey, you know how to work this? - Hey, Martin, help me out. - What is that, a flat screen TV? - Hold on a second, let me unlock it for you real quick.- Hang on, we’re gonna move it down the road. - It’s hard to use other people’s technology. - Arm around you. Is that good?- Yeah. Yeah. - All right, how do I… what do I press? - Just touch the… tap the screen first. Hold on. Let me make sure it’s not on video. It’s on.. yeah, it’s on. And then put it on camera. There we go. Yeah.- All right .Get together.

- You have to tap the center of the screen. When you see a box, make sure the box is around our head. So whatever you’re shooting is in the box. Just take the fucking picture. - I got it, I got it. There we go.- And your finger’s in front of the camera. - Sorry, sorry. - Good, great. - I got it.- ok. Thank you.- Hey, can I just take a picture up there in the kitchen? - On the truck?- That’d be great, yeah. - And good. Ok. - Can I take one pressing a sandwich or something?- Got it. - Good?- Hey ,can we do one more where… like Lady and the Tramp. You know, you’re biting one end, I’m biting the other? Come on, you can do this.- ok. You got it? You got it? Go.- I think I missed the exit. - What the hell are you doing? You sending pictures to Mom? - I’m posting a Vine.- A Vine, what’s a Vine? - It’s a video. Look.- Hey, come on, man. Get that out of my face. Seriously.- Christ. - It’s only 6 seconds. - Who’d make a video 6 seconds?- A 6-second-video.- You believe this generation?- Unbelievable, man. Little attention, ADHD.- ADHD is right. - That’s nothing. I’ve also been shooting these videos, one second every day. - One second videos? Now you’re joking with me. - No, you edit them all together. One second of every day. And then you cut them together and watch it. It’s cool. - Ok, enough with the virtual world. How about something real. Who wants to stop at Disney World? - Oh, yeah, I do.- Disney World? That’s real? We shouldn’t stop till we hit New Orleans. - Hey, hey, that is your son. - That’s my boy. A kid who’d rather go to New Orleans than Disney World. Now I’ve seen everything.

- I can’t wait to try my first beignet. - Every other person you say New Orleans to thinks jazz and voodoo. Your kid thinks donuts. - Yeah, I know. I like that. All right, New Orleans. - What are you doing?- Dude, I’m putting a little cornstarch on my huevos, man. It’s too humid down here. - Dad. Dad. Wake up.- What? - Martin’s putting cornstarch on his balls. - You putting cornstarch on your balls? - Yes, sir. - Let me get some? Want some? It’s like baby powder. Put a little on your nuts. It’s nice, right?- Nice.- What’s good is, in the morning you could dip your nuts in oil and make hush puppies. - Come on, keep coming. All right, back it up. Watch out. Nice driving skills, huh? - I’m getting the hang of this thing.- I’m telling ya. - All right, look, I’m gonna take my kid for a walk. - Yeah. Oh, nice. I get promoted to sous-chef, I gotta do all the hard work? - Thanks.- Thank you.- Where are we, Bourbon Street?- Nah, this is Frenchmen Street. Bourbon’s for tourists. We’re in the Marigny. Come with me.- Where we going?- Just come. Come on, the French Quarter. We’re going to Café Du Monde. You ever heard of Café Du Monde? - Is this the beignet place? - You ready? We drove a long way for these. Here we go. Eat it slow. You’re never gonna have your first beignet ever again. - Pretty cool.- Cool, right? You like it? They don’t taste like this anywhere else in the world. - So what else you gotta buy? - Nothing. - Not anything for work? - Nope. - Really?- Yeah. Just wanted to get some beignets with you. - Cool. I like New Orleans. - I like New Orleans, too. - Somebody ate my body.

- I didn’t brush my teeth. This is what happens to you when you don’t brush your teeth. - Dude, dude, where were you, man? - What? I went shopping. - You went shopping? I called you, man, I texted you. - We got beignets. - Where the hell were you? You got beignets? Where were you? I’ve been calling you for the last half hour. Why didn’t you pick up your phone, man? - My phone was on vibrate. - You put your phone on vibrate.- Chill out. What’s the big deal? I’ll help you. I’m sorry.- Chill out? Take a look. Just take a look. Take a look. Please take a look. - Is that for us? - That’s for us.- That whole line’s for us?- Can you believe that? Oh, my God. - All right, so I guess we gotta cook some food. - We gotta cook some food. - All right, so you good with prep? - Yes, sir.- We’re gonna get through this. You ready?- I’m ready, boss.- ok. Buy me five minutes.- Yes, sir. Could you just give us 5 minutes, please? 5 minutes. We’ll be right there in 5 more minutes. That’s all I’m asking. - Everything… The plancha’s… everything’s hot? Oil’s hot. You got everything ready. - Yes, sir.- You are a superstar.- Thank you.- You are a superstar.- Thank you, sir. - How did you get that crowd? You got a huge crowd outside.- I didn’t get the crowd. I just came back from shopping. There was this long line. I thought it was a mistake. - I tweeted it. - You what?- What did you do? - I tweeted the picture on your account and then geotagged it. Look. - Wait a minute. You did what? You geo… - I tagged it so they can mark us on their maps. - Look at those pictures. How did you… this picture’s from here. How did you get those pictures form here? - When I was going to Café Du Monde.

- And you put it online?- You’re a genius, kid.- You’re the reason everybody’s here. You know that? You’re my new head of marketing. Thank you. All right, so, I’m gonna hit the chalkboard. You walk him through the prep on the po’ boys and get the plancha going. - Yes, Chef. Yes, Chef. Jefecito. You gotta butter the plancha, son, all right? I got this. Percy, look. Single file, y’all. Right here. - 08? Here you go, thank you very much. Napkins are down there. - Another beignet, coming up.- Hang on a second. Number 7. Here you go, two more. - Cubano coming up. - Hang on, one second. He’s my kid. He’s just learning. You saw that Twitter? That’s my kid. He did all that. - More beignets. - How’s that po’boy coming? - It’s coming up.- With the shrimp. All right. It’s worth the wait, I promise. - Jefe, jefe, it says sold out, man. - We should be good. I think they’re holding for us. Hey, Benji. We got here as fast as we could. - Hopefully we’re still good.- You got anything for me? - Gotta check with the man. He’s in the back. - ok, thanks.- What’s up, killer?- Hey, Aaron- What’s up, Carl? - How are you doing?- How you doing?- Driving all night. Doing good. You still got the stuff?- Let’s do it.- He’s got the stuff. - What is this place? - This is… this is Texas OG barbeque. These guys gotta stay up all night and stoke those fires low and slow. - Oh, man, that’s gorgeous. So how many can I get? - I guess four. - I’ll take it.- All right. - Nice.- Oh, yeah. - Yeah, there we go. Oh, man. - We should do some sliders.

- We should do sliders, man. We get some King’s Hawaiian bread, pickle, barbeque sauce.- What if we swapped this out for the pork in the medianoche. What do you think about that?- We swap this for the pork shoulder?- Uh-huh. - Make like an Austin Minight. Sounds hot. How about that?- I like that. That is hot, baby. - Let me get one more of these. You should check this out. Just let me cut right through. - Save it, dog.- I know, we’re gonna save it. - You’re using it all up, man.- I’ll give you half. - Look how much more we have.- Can’t eat your own supply. Come on, man.- This is good. Put it away after this. - 6 sliders all day.- 69’s coming up. - Orders coming up. Medianoche, Texas. Whoo. This is getting murdered. - You got that three medianoches coming up? - All right. - Order 65 and 66. - I got po’boy right here. - One sec. You got the transfer pan?- Cubano.- Thank you, good. Hey, your phone’s ringing, Percy. - Sorry. Hey, Mom.- Where are you? - I’m in Austin. - Are you ok?- I’m great.- How’s your daddy?- Here, talk to him. - Hi, Inez. - Hi, do you want me to come pick him up? - No, you’re a thousand miles away. - It’s ok. I can go get on a plane and pick him up. - No, it’s fine. He’s doing great. - I miss him. I want you to come home. I love him.- He’s fine. He’s got a couple of burns and two stitches fro ma paring knife. - Please, I’m serious. Let me go and pick him up. - You know your son’s a cook now?

- I’m a line cook.- He’s a line cook.- Be careful.- I’ll have him home in time for school. - And you, are you ok? - I’m amazing. - You’re so sexy in that bandana. I want your big platano. - Looks here like you guys are having so much fun. - All right, give me one second. Did you know your son could work a grill?- I had beer.- What did he say?- Stop, stop, stop. He says he misses you. - Tell him I love him. - Dad got me a knife.- He says, “I love you.” - What?- I love you. - I love you, too. Tell him, I love you, too. ok? - Bye. All right, 70. - Let’s take a selfie.- A selfie? Wait, let me do it with the flash. Hold on. Oh, look at that. E-mail that to me, all right?- ok. Mind if I post this?- What is htat, another Vine? - No, it’s the one second every day video. Remember? It’s the trip all cut together. - The little cuts of the things?- Yeah. - Yeah, just e-mail it to me. I’m sure it’s fine. Listen, I wanna talk to you about something. - Yeah? - I’ve had a really good time with you these last couple of weeks. - Me, too. - And you’ve become a really good cook. -Thanks, Dad.- Not just for a kid. I mean, you’re really good. You work really hard. It’s a big deal. But we’re gonna be home soon and… we’re gonna get back to our lives and I’m gonna be really busy with the truck and you’re gonna be really busy with school. - But I can still work on the truck, right? You said I was a good cook. - I’m sorry, Percy. I just don’t want you to be disappointed when things go back to the way that they were.- I don’t want it to go back to that. I could work after school and on weekends.

- I just want to be honest with you, ok? I feel like I’ve let you down so much and I didn’t want to blindside you. But the summer’s gonna end and we’re not gonna be doing this anymore. Ok?- Ok.- But we had a lot of fun and nobody could take away from us what we experienced together, right? And I feel like I really got to know you. All right. Let’s watch some music. All right, pal. Here we are. Gonna be nice to be home.- Yup.- See your turtle, see your mommy, back to your room.- I’m really gonna miss you. - I’m gonna miss you, too. Ok, but you’ll stay with me in two weeks, ok?- Yeah.- The whole weekend.- Did you post the video yet? - I didn’t look at it yet. Sorry.- Don’t forget.- I won't. - I’ll resend it. - ok. Come on. Mommy misses you. Go. Go to Mommy. Bye. - Hey, Dad.- Hi. - What’s wrong?- Nothing. - What’s up?- Listen, I was thinking about what we were talking about. - Yeah? - And it’s gotta be ok with Mom. Let me just say that first. - What are you talking about? - I could really use your help on the truck. You there?- Yeah. - And it’s only for the weekends and after school after you’re done with your homework and all the money goes into your college fund. Ok, does that sound good? - That sounds pretty good. Mom, Dad wants me to cook on his truck. No, really. He’s on the phone. Mom wants to talk to you. I think it’s yes. Hang on. - Order 16. 16. 16, here. - Order up, order up. Next.- 20. 2 Cubanos, and order 21, a slider. - Thank you.- 21? Thank you. There you go. I got yours coming. - ok, thank you. There’s no food for you here. - Could I speak to the chef for just a second, please? - The hell you will. - Can I talk to you?

- Next. Next.- You got it, Martin? - Yes, sir. - What exactly are you doing here?- I’m eating the food. I’m eating your food. - I thought my food was needy and cloying. - Well, I didn’t think you’d want to serve me, so I sent somebody else to pick it up. - What happened between us, that really knocked me for a loop. I mean, you robbed me of my pride and my career and my dignity. And I know people like you, you don’t usually care about that kind of thing.. -That’s not necessarily true. - But you should know it hurts people like me. Cause we’re really trying. - You started a flame war with me. Are you kidding me? I buy ink by the barrel, buddy. What are you doing picking a fight with me? I wouldn’t challenge you to a cook-off. - I thought I was sending you a private message. - I didn’t know that. I thought we were having fun. It was theater. By the way, what the fuck were you cooking? You totally shat the bed, buddy. How could I back that? You were one of my early boys. - I had no control over the menu. - Whatever the case, ok? You seem to be cooking for yourself again. Because this shit is sensational. I mean, really, really good. - Thank you. - I’m not gonna write about it. - Yeah, I understand. - Because I’d like to back you. - Excuse me?- I want to bankroll you and I can’t write about anything I have a vested interest in. - I’m not sure I get what’s going on here. - I sold my website for a whole lot of money and I’ve just put in a bid on a place on Rose. It’s zoned, it’s permitted, you could build it out however you like. And you can cook whatever you like. Take your time, think about it. I wouldn't blame you for having a few trust issues, but I just thought that you know, you and me buying the hatchet might be a good story. Reservations out the door. More importantly, you know, you’d just cook your ass off in there. In the meantime, you just tweet me wherever you are and I’ll come running. Cause this shit’s good, all right? Delicious. Delicioso. Mucho good-o. - Hey, Jefe.- Yeah. -That was a lot of talking and you not punching him. So what did that asshole say, huh? -I think that asshole might be our new partner.