- House 1-10 “Histories” –

- Hi. Sounds like a good party. - 20 bucks.- ok, no problem. I mean, I just… I got it in here somewhere. Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I must have forgotten to go to the machine. - Yeah, and brush your teeth. Lady, you don’t have two cents. - Well, I can… I can get it from my friend who’s inside. He can give it to me and then I’ll bring it back out to you.- You don’t know anybody here.- Yes, I do. James. He’s blonde and he’s really friendly and he’s a big talker. I need to see him. - Go on in.- James? James? - Hi. - Do you know where James is? - Oh, yeah, he’s.. he’s around here somewhere. Let’s go find him.- James? Do you know where James is? Where’s James? James? He’s a big talker. He’s really friendly. James?- Oh yeah, he’s around here.- Please, I really need to find him. What are you doing?- Bitch. - No. She’s trying to help me. Get off her. Get off me. - Settle down. Jeez, I didn’t touch her. - Great. Now we gotta go to the hospital.

- Homeless. Admitted 24 hours ago with a suspected drug overdose. Her tox screen’s clean, but she’s still delusional. - Homeless. Usually means crazy. And no money. Cuddy’s not gonna… - We’re a teaching hospital. No ID, doesn’t even seem to know her name. I got called in because of some lesions on her arm. - Homeless always means no roof. Leads to too much sun. - The lesions were no-cancerous. But, I noticed a twitch. Her wrist. - You feel that?- Sure. I’m human.- Make a fist around my fingers as tight as you can. Squeeze.- I am. - Right. Raise your arms above your head for me. -She’s seizing. Give me some Ativan. - Or she doesn’t want to be discharged. She’s manipulating you. - It’s real. Check a finger stick. - Blood sugar’s 38.- We need D-50 IV push. Stat. Fake low blood sugar. Now that’s acting.

- The blood sugar was real. She’s probably diabetic. OD’d on her own insulin. Room 2032 you have her effects out here? Look, a seizure buys her a place to sleep while the nice doctors run their tests, maybe a few free meals. 20 bucks says there’s insulin in there. Wow. Put this back please. - What about the twitch? - Her arm moved.- Why fake a twitch? In case the seizure was too subtle? A twitch could indicate a tumor. Which could indicate.. - A need to see a neurologist. Which is why you called me. Keep an eye on her till 2pm, watch her blood sugar, give her a nice hot lunch, then discharge her. - He’s wrong.- Foreman is wrong? The neurologist is wrong about a neurological problem? - He took one look at her and figured it was a scam. -So you figure he’s not being objective? - House, the woman had a twitch, she had a seizure…- Both of which Foreman saw? - He just wanted her out the door. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up here, big fella. Foreman’s the guy you wanna take a swing at. - I just want her to get some medical attention. - That’s not even close to being true. There’s something else, something personal. Give me the file. Looks like this’ll be fun. - The twitch could be a mini-seizure, unrelated to the diabetes. - A brain tumor? - Glad you could join us, Eric. What’s the differential for a twitch in the wrist? - If the patient’s a 30-ish Jane Doe, I thought I just discharged her. - No, she’s my patient. No harm in a second opinion. - A blow to the head, a subdural hematoma? - Read the file. No evidence of cranial trauma. - A twitch could indicate a brain tumor. - Or about a dozen other things. Come on. There’s two things homeless people are good at. Getting sick and running scams. If you’re so worried about it being a brain tumor, get her an MRI. When she’s clear on that, then you can bounce her out of here. - Well, you’ve got her all figured out. - I’ve known a lot more homeless people than you have. - Yes, you’ve got that going for you. How could I have doubted your medical opinion? - The big question. You’re missing it. All of you. - Oh, jeez. - Who is she?- Ok, why are we on this case? Just because Wilson asked? - Do I need a better reason? - Well, most people wouldn’t. You do.

- The only thing we know for sure about Jane Doe is that her name isn’t Jane Doe. Which means no medical history. Allergies, medication, previous diagnoses, treatment. We have no baseline, no context for medical treatment. - Wow, looks just like insulin. - Vomit. Still moist. What do you think, a couple days old? - Are you trying to make me hurl? - Yeah. And here’s the big finish. Salty. Chemical imbalance. - Low magnesium could cause a twitch. - Or high calcium. Or it’s a coincidence. The point is, we don’t know anything. - So, do the MRI and find out… - The MRI can wait. Hang a banana bag. Give her 24 hours to correct the electrolyte imbalance. We’ll take it from there. - Great. Thanks.- ok, even if she’s not faking, what’s so fascinating about this case? - At the moment, how much you don’t want me to take it, that’s pretty fascinating. - Nice likeness of Dr. Foreman. In fact, he’s never looked better. - He doesn’t like me. I can tell.- That’s ok. He doesn't like me either. Who’s James? - Oh. - Pain in your head?- Oh. Get away from me. Oh, no, no, no. - All right, let’s clear it out. - One milligram Ativan, push. - No, no, no, no, no. - Hold on, hold on. - She bit me. - You don’t believe me. - Good news is, she’s negative for HIV and Hep C. - Yeah? I’m getting a tetanus shot, she’s getting an MRI. - There’s a two-day wait for non-emergency MRI. - She’s getting an MRI, and then she’s out of here.- But Dr. Terhark specifically said I’d have the MRI at 10:00. It’s almost 11:00, and I haven’t had the pre-test yet. -Sorry, we’re a little backed up.- Excuse me? You’re Dr. Terhark’s 10:00? - I’m Angela Whitney. I’m meeting my decorator at 11:30. She’s coming all the way from New York. Dr. Terhark promised I’d be home in time.- Oh, of course.- She’s just about prepped for her MRI? Mrs. Whitney? You tried to steal someone else’s test. - Dr. Terhark is a plastic surgeon. The woman was getting a six month check-up on her chin implants. - I can’t believe you authorized this.

- Really? Sounds exactly like something I’d do. - She can’t have an MRI. The CT scan shows she has a surgical pin in her arm. The MRI magnet would have ripped it out of her body. Do you like the Alien movies? You had no medical history. What were you thinking? - We’ll surgically remove the pin, then do the MRI. Does that sound good?- She has an electrolyte imbalance. - Dr. Foreman, a neurologist, believes this woman has a brain tumor. - Actually, I…- Hey, don’t ever apologize for a medical opinion. If he’s right, we don’t do this test, the patient dies. Now, I realize that you have a specialty of your own. But does yours have anything to do with the brain? His does. - Fine. But nothing more until you find out who she is. - How are we supposed…- Hey. He knows more homeless people than any of us. Go check out the hood, Dog.- I don’t know. I’ve seen a lot of faces around here, but I don’t think I know her. - Great.- Hey, I… like that jacket. Yeah. It’s all coming to me now. I know where she keeps her stuff. They’re just bats. I thought the lining would be thicker. - No tumor. Nothing. Her brain is clear. -Which means that girl had surgery just so you wouldn’t get reamed out by Cuddy. - Not necessarily. There could still be something neurological going on. - Sure, she’s not conning us, the MRI is. - Not wearing a coat in this weather. That is so wrong. - She drew these. They might give us a clue. - Did she sign them? Her name would be a start. - Well, the mythology, the locations, they’d all depend on her life experience. - Philadelphia. Look at that skyline. It’s very evocative. The Chrysler Building. - That’s a cloud. - And the Chrysler Building’s in New York. - I’m getting Philly. And that cactus.. it’s a smashed car… car accident. - A cactus in Philadelphia?- Water? Well, water’s October, right?- Obviously. - On the page number 22, so that’s October 2nd, 2002. Ergo, the patient was in a car accident 2 years ago last October. - My goodness, was she ok? - Broke her arm, I think. They fixed it. With this. Surgical pin. Better than a wallet. Serial numbers… in case of recall, tied to a patient’s name. - That’s why you insisted on the MRI? So you could remove the surgical pin from her arm? - You don’t think I was gonna do it to save your sorry ass, did you? You mighst wanna take a look at that. Her name is Victoria Matsen. Or at least that’s the one she

used then. Any hospital with a record of treating her should be sending that information. - Oh, crap. Her bloodwork came back an hour ago. Magnesium is normal. - Did you change her banana bag? - Stopped the magnesium, started iron dextran for severe anemia. She’s allergic to iron dextran. - Grab some epi off the code cart. Respiratory arrest. Call a code. - You’re having an allergic reaction. Can you speak? - She’s not getting any air. Got the epi.- Stats are down in the 80s and dropping. - We have about another minute. - We’ve got her sedated and stabilized. - And you still think there’s nothing wrong with her? - Well, nothing’s changed. - You almost killed her. That’s different. And we know who she is. - So far we’ve heard from three hospitals with records of Victoria Matsen,seven visits going back 2 years. - Any home addresses? - The pin in her arm went in during an ER visit. She wasn’t conscious, so they didn’t get an address. The other visits, she gave fake addresses. - Any treatment for neurological problems? Anything that might explain the twitch? - Last winter, Jefferson Hospital in Philly, get treated for frostbite. - Baby, it’s cold outside. - And depression. They put her on Prozac. - Well, I’d be bummed out too. Zero degrees, living in a box. - Put her back on it. She cheers up, she might stop biting people. - There’s a billing record from Hantman Hospital last year. Two appointments, ultrasounds, doesn’t say what for. - Pregnant? - Only if she was expecting an elephant. The appointments were ten months apart. Kept the first, blew off the second. - Abdominal pain. - The chart doesn’t say… - Wait a minute. She goes in the first time, then they look, can’t find anything, 10 months later why should she subject herself to that again? - Why make a second appointment? - She didn’t. The nurse made the appointment. They were looking… they were looking for ovarian cancer. - You got all of that from one cancelled appointment? - With Jerry Lauseng, yeah. He’s an oncologist. - Hang on, her current bloodwork doesn’t show cancer. CA 125 is normal. - The cancer wouldn’t account for the alleged twitch or any of her other alleged symptoms.

- Actually, it would. Neoplastic syndrome associated with the cancer could cause her twitch like a bunny or crystal meth. Ultrasound her ovaries. - Did you find a brain tumor on her MRI?- No, Foreman was wrong. I’m starting to wonder about the guy’s medical chops. - Right. Shelly Diamond. Dr. House is ready to see you now. - These little ones are licking each other again, and Harry’s got a seeping wart on his extra toe. What room should we go to? - Oh, you know what? I think I might be coming down with something. And I’d hate to give it to you guys. Sorry.- Oh, yeah, just walk out like I’m not gonna do anything. - Bye-bye.- Working hard?- This stuff’s pretty good. Calendraica works for the Council of Genius. Bad guy is Mr. Fury, fairly generic, no special skills, but apparently very well organized. You think you work hard, try ruling the universe. - You trying to teach me something here? - We’ve got a flowing dress, and a ring. Think the patient was married. Maybe it was a bad breakup. Maybe he dumped her cause she was on drugs. - You care about her personal history?- No. The question is, why don’t you? I hate to cite a cliché, but…Dad on the streets? - Dad’s with Mom. -They’re both living on the streets? - No, on a pension. - So who pissed you off? - Right now, you.- Your turn. You gonna tell me why this case? - She’s my new girlfriend. I’m having a tattoo designed. I was hoping you could find out her name.- So she’s just another sick person that kindly Dr. Wilson has made sure doesn’t get lost in the big, ugly system.- Yes, I forgot. I need a reason to give a crap. - You’re giving two craps. - The metric system always confuses me. - Dr. House. - Time for Girl Scout cookies already? - Get me some Thin Mints. - Since you’re too sick to work in the clinic… - ok. - I… I thought you could do some teaching. Patient histories. - My specialty. - When you teach, you learn so much, don’t you think?- It’s all about the giving back. Good old Cuddy. Always thinking. She assign you a patient to interview? Then why are you still here?

- Why are we on this case? - Cause Wilson asked House to do him a favor.- Well, I think House just wants to prove she’s sick so Foreman will be wrong. - Oh, you boys.- Hey, I’m just doing my job. Whoa… Foreman’s gonna be so embarrassed when he finds out she’s got cancer.- I thought you were too sick to be down here. - I had to get away from those students, so I faked a page. Foreman’s parents, happily married, 40 years. - Mazel Tov.- Kanana hora. So why does he hate the homeless people? I mean, if it’s an uncle or a grandparent, you’d think he’d use it in his college application essay. Family struggles beats a 4.0 GPA any day.- I think he had a 4.0. - Maybe he’s just a snob.- You really don’t need to know everything about everybody. - I don’t need to watch The OC, but it makes me happy. - Yeah, delirious. What’s the other file? - Wilson, James, boy wonder oncologist. You know him? - You know, in some cultures, it’s considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another. Of course, in Swedish, the word friend can also be translated as limping twerp. Did your pager really just go off, or are you ditching the conversation? - Why can’t both be true? Come on.- Solid non-cystic mass on the left ovary. Five by 3cm. Central necrosis. The only question is whether she dies in two months or three. - Oh, God. - You’re right. There’s nothing we can do for her here. Might as well put her back on the street. - Unless it’s not cancer. - You’ve got to be joking. - Well, hard not to. Nothing funnier than cancer. But what if it’s a tuberculoma? She’s living out on the streets breathing all kinds of crap 24/7. The odds are she’s got TB. Why can’t she have a nice benign growth to go with it?- A solid mass on her ovary. Ovarian cancer’s way more likely. - You’re right. It’s not even close. Start her on INH, rifampin and treptomycin. -But that’s the treatment for a tuberculoma.- And what is the treatment for advanced ovarian cancer? - Pine box.- What are you giving me?- A second dose of antibiotics. If you’ve got a tuberculoma, it should help. - I don’t have a tuberculoma, do I? - Probably not. Hey, listen, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.

- I’m sorry I lied to you. I took too much insulin on purpose. I really wanted a place to sleep. - Were you ever married, Victoria? But in the comic, it… - Well, it’s a comic, comics are just made up. - So who’s James? Is he real or did you make him up? - He’s real. - Can I help you find him?- Oh, the light’s bright… it’s getting brighter. - Take it easy, everything’s fine. - Mr. Fury wants to hurt me. Please, help me. Stop hurt…- Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on. - Please turn it off. Oh, God. - All right, hold on, Victoria. Hold on, take it easy. Everything’s fine. Take it easy.- I’m burning.- Everything’s fine, Victoria.- It’s burning. - Hold on, take a sip, take a sip. Take a sip.- It’s poison. You gave me poison.- Hold on. Take it easy. Hey, turn off that damn light. Take it easy. Take it easy. The bad guys can’t get you here. I’ve got you covered. - Mr. Fury’s not the bad guy. I’m the bad guy. It’s me, I’m the bad guy. - It’s not a tuberculoma. It can’t be.- I didn’t know the biopsy was back. - Her temperature’s 105. The treatment’s not working. It’s cancer. She’s dying. - 105. - Good news. It’s a truberculoma. - How do you figure that? Her temperature’s through the roof. - The lab results from the biopsy. It’s definitely a tuberculoma. - So, we’re right about the diagnosis, and the treatment for that diagnosis is killing her. Perfect. - The lab checked the biopsy again, twice. - Well, a tuberculoma doesn't give you a temperature of 105. - Then it’s a tuberculoma and something else. - The something else is gonna melt her brain. - Poach. Better metaphor. - A fever that high has to be bacterial. - Maybe the bowel got nicked in the biopsy. - I did the biopsy. No nick. She could have picked up an infection on the streets. - Well, she didn’t have a fever when I admitted her. - The Prozac we gave her could have triggered serotonin syndrome, which would explain the fever.- No, Jefferson put her on Prozac, and it wasn’t a problem.

- She probably never took it. Most likely, they saw her one time and dumped her out of the ER with a script.- Oh, just like you were gonna do? - ok, you two. Grab some scalpels and settle this like doctors. Send blood and urine cultures and get a chest X-ray. And fine, take her off the Prozac, put her on Bromocryptene for the serotonin syndrome.- You might want to get her in an ice bath as well, assuming we want her to live long enough to see those test results. - I said I was sorry. - Your fever’s 105. If we don’t bring it down fast… - Foreman, why are you doing this to me?- I’m saving your life.- Don’t make me go in there, please. Don't make me do it, please. I don’t wanna go.- Come on. You can do this.- Please. - 17-year-old female presents with abrasions and apparent trauma injury to her wrist. - Dr. House?- Continue. - You’re reading a comic book. - And you’re calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought we were having a state-the-obvious contest. I’m competitive by nature. - I thought you were supposed to be listening to our patient histories. - No, I’m supposed to be teaching you. If I can do that without listening, more power to me. - 17-year-old female… - If this guy’s supposed to have universal power over all gravity, how come his hair won’t stay down? That’s just stupid. - She fell off her horse while riding in the county fair. - No she didn’t. She fell off the steps of her beach house. You must have gone to the wrong room. - Hard to believe that one patient could slip past Cuddy and get herself admitted with a sprained wrist. Two seems almost impossible. What room?- Room 2106.- Patients lie, but usually only one lie at a time. How much does she weigh? - It’s her wrist, not her weight…- Poundage, ladies, and bye-the-bye, what color’s her nose? - She’s thin. - Flesh tone? - What does this have to do with her wrist? - Almost nothing. She’s either under 90 pounds or she has a red nose. I’ve gotta go. - What’s wrong with her? - That would be telling. Oh, I am just too nice. It starts with C.- The urine cultures are negative.

- So is the chest x-ray. - I assume there’s a positive coming. - Lumber puncture revealed elevated proteins and white counts. - CSF cultures?- Still brewing. Nothing on gram stain, it looks like meningitis. - We know it’s definitely an infection. And we know where it is. - Well, meningitis is nice and simple. Get her in isolation and start her on Ceftriaxone. Either she gets better or she dies. Let me know which one happens.- Oh, my God. She was sedated. - It must have worn off. - I did it myself a half hour ago. - I’ll check the Nurse’s station.- Calendraica. She’s gonna die out there. - You don’t walk out of a room with 10mg of Haldol in your system. You don’t walk at all. - It was 10mg, I gave it to her….- It doesn’t matter. Bacterial meningitis, highly contagious. If she is out of the hospital, we are so liable. - Not to worry. She’ll be dead before she can kill anybody. - The security tape confirms it. She stole some clothes and she’s gone. - Wrong coat. The cape’s in the closet, I had it cleaned.- Funny.- You gonna save her? - In her comics, Mr. Fury lives in Sloan Harbor. The night she came in, she was at a rave at 1408 Sloan Street. - You’ve been reading. My, how you’ve changed. - You are a doctor. Do what doctors do. Pick up the phone. Dial 911. And a cop on the other end does what cops do and finds the missing person. I assume the rest of you have doctor things to do. I know you do. - Cacchi-Ricci Disease. - Do you even know what that is or are you just guessing everything that starts with C? - The kidney problems could result in weight loss. - Cacchi-C-A-C…Oh, jeez, she’s going alphabetically. - Doctor, why are you wearing that bird pin?- It sets off my eyes. Hi, Jodi, I’m Dr. House. What brings you to the hospital? - My wrist. - How did that happen?- I was riding the Ferris Wheel, and this huge seagull flew right at me. - How horrifying.- I swung my arm at the bird, but I hit the Ferris Wheel. - She’s making it all up? - No, her wrist really does hurt.

- I’m no lying. - Of course you are. You have no idea what happened. You have no memory. Korsakoff Syndrome. Her brain is damaged by excessive drinking or insufficient diet, pretty obviously the latter. She has no new memories, no new ideas, can’t even process that idea. So her brain fills the gaps as best it can using visual clues. The horse on your shirt led her to a riding accident. And the surf scene on your clipboard led her to the beach. - Korsakoff doesn’t start with a C.- I didn’t say C. Or did I? A lesson to be learned. Treat everybody as if they have Korsakoffs. We all lie anyway. Give her thiamine right away. She’ll bounce back pretty quickly. And then get her to eat some cake and ice cream. Yes? - Did you need to be so cruel? I think she’s crying. - Hi, Jodi, I’m Dr. House. What happened to your wrist? - There was this weird old guy, he had a cane… - See? It’s like it never happened. Perfect forgiveness.- You got a temp? - Don’t know, she’s warm, but… - Something to look into, she has meningitis… - I’m sorry, I was more worried about her heart blowing up. Her pulse is 150… - Rhythm regular?- Yeah. - Ready, 1, 2, 3. - Where did you find her? - Battlefield State Park. - Is she narrow complex?- Uh-huh. - She wasn’t at Sloan? - She was just passed out on the grass. - Foreman. I need Foreman.- All right. Superventricular tachycardia. Give me adenosine, 1mg, IV push. - Right away.- Thank you. Hang in there. Her arrhythmia’s stabilized. - Doesn’t make sense. What would push her heart rate over 150? Dehydration? Fever? - Unlikely, by themselves, neither one would do it. - We must be wrong about the meningitis. Maybe it’s structural heart disease. - Her heart rate dropped when you administered the adenosine. - 2 seconds.- It’s still meningitis.- If it is, with the delay in treatment, she’s got almost no chance. - Start the treatment. - Read the report. I found her lying on the grass. - You should read my reports. I make up stuff all the time. What really happened?

- Oh, since it’s you… I found her lying on the grass. - Wow, that is a great-looking gun. - It’s not a gun. It’s a taser. - It’s so cool looking. What does it do? Fire about 60,000 volts? At least, that’s what it would take to jack someone’s heart up to 150. - ok, ok. Let’s just say I tell you what happened. It stays between you and me, all right? I found her lying on the grass. - Fine. Don’t tell me. Tell my friend, Ben Franklin. I watch a lot of cop shows. The good news is, the heart rate thing is not connected to her condition. - Well, then, she’s dying. Cause the meningitis treatment isn’t helping her. She’s getting worse. - Well, that brings us to the bad news. The cop tasered her. - Jerk. Probably couuldn’t get to his real gun fast enough. - The first time, he hit her in the thigh. Then she just kept going, like it was nothing. Right about here. She didn’t feel the taser. - Localized numbness? - Yeah, in that one spot. - The diabetes? - I don’t think so. - No alcohol. Not entrapment syndrome. Can’t be a vitamin deficiency. We can’t chase down every sensory neuropathy. Is that where she bit you?- Yeah. What the hell?- Can’t get angry if you don’t feel anything. So first, there’s localized numbness. Then sensitivity to light. Disorientation, paranoia, ineffectiveness of sedatives, and hydrophobia. Fear of water. - Rabies. - There have only been, what, ten cases in the last 20 years? - Yeah, that’s because non-homeless people, when they get bitten, they get shots. - There were bats. - She’s dying.- There’s no treatment. - How much time does she have? - A day, maybe two. And if you don’t get your shots in the next, say, three hours, I’m gonna have to make another affirmative action hire. - Come on.- Do it.- Do you want me to talk to her? - And say what? There’s some experimental treatment? That’s not gonna work. Oh, “Don’t worry, we can make you comfortable?” Doesn’t matter. Now that she’s gonna die in that room. - Yeah, that’s what you say to her. Keep that there and rest for a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Tell House I need to go out for about an hour.

- She may not have that long. - I don’t want her to die alone. - You’re going to find James? - I’m gonna try. Well, I must say, he’s done a lot with the place. Hello? - Hey. This is it.- No one’s been in here for a long time. - It’s gotta be James. Maybe there’s another address. - It’s not James. Paul. Paul Furia. - Mr. Fury.- Her husband. - Then who’s James?- Her kid.- I just wanna eat you up. You’re so delicious. Look at me, you’re just like your papa. Look at you. Just like your dad. - Foreman. Foreman. They’re dead. That car crash two years ago… she broke her arm, and they were killed. - She was driving.- James. - No, it’s Paul.- Paul… You’ve come to take me. - No. I’ve come to forgive you. It wasn’t your fault. - I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.- I know. It’s ok, Victoria. It’s ok. - Oh, you followed me?- No. You were wearing rain boots today, but you were parked in the underground garage. So the only reason you’d need boots was if you were hitting the streets. I followed you.- Didn’t we have a conversation about friendship? - Yeah. I had some follow-up questions. I met your parents and your brother… - I have two brothers. - Well, why wouldn’t you tell me…- It wasn’t relevant. - Why not?- Because he’s not in my life anymore. - Well, that’s relevant. - This was the last place I saw him. 9 years ago. I don’t even know if he’s alive.