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FORGIVING YOURSELF

Many of us are not able to forgive people who have injured us in the past, even inour early childhood. A direct consequence of this unforgiving attitude is anunbalanced emotional state which leads to illnesses and/or dysfunctional behavior.

Perhaps you were exposed to some sort of painful injustice that resulted infrustration or fear such as the loss of a loved one, violet treatment by someoneyou trusted, or lack of affection, etc ...

Notice that your dysfunctional behavior is just a symptom of an unbalancedemotional state because of the things (as shown in the list above) that happenedin your past: childhood or later years. In the beginning the fault for yourbehavior was theirs, but later, after cultivating and accepting that behavior, it

became your sin and consequently your fault.

- You need forgiveness - to forgive them, God and yourself.

- You need God's acceptance

The following are having some symptoms of an emotionally unbalanced person; if youdiscover yourself having one or more of these symptoms, please accept your needfor forgiveness. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your memory those painfulsituations and injustices that were committed against you. You can then determinewhat prompted your symptoms and release your heart from bitterness by forgivingunconditionally If you cannot do so, you are actually condemning yourself to livean unhappy and unhealthy life.

Symptoms of an emotionally unbalanced person:

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*People Pleasing *Manipulation

*Addiction to Approval *Child Abuse

*Addiction to Attention *Alcohol Abuse

*Eating Disorder *GamblingAddiction

*Kleptomania *Incompetence

*Chronic Problem to Gain Attention *Perfectionism

*Chemical Abuse *Sexual Addiction

*Shopping Addiction *Workaholism

Under stress reactions:

*Rage *Inability tobe Intimate

*Uncontrollable fear *Relational Conflicts

and Isolation

*Depression *High Levels ofAnxiety

*Phobias *Panic Attacks

*Distrust *Thoughts ofSuicide

*Defensiveness *Thoughts of

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Violence

*Inability to Receive Criticism *Desire to Run Away

*Blaming *AbusiveBehavior

The solution:

1. Recognize that something is wrong

2. Accept that you can't do anything,

- Yes you can work by yourself on a dysfunctional symptom, but you need to resolveproblem not just the symptom. If not, you will end up avoiding one behavior andembracing another. So you need to resolve the cause/source of your symptoms but

you have no power to do it. However God can and is willing to do it for you.Understand that:-

(a) behavior that is dysfunctional has its roots in sin. First you were a

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recipient of an injury but you chose to a sinful way. Now you are led andcontrolled by sin.

(b) behavior is a fruit of heart; (Mark 7:21) To change the heart is God's job notyours.

3. Believe that with God all things are possible!

Luke 1:37, Colossians 2:13-15, Ephesians 1:22, Philippians 4:13, Ephesians 1:3 2Peter 1:3

4. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide

- Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to memory events that brought shame,unworthiness, failure, fear ..

- Write down all of the events that the Holy Spirit brings to memory.

- Take care of the memories one by one; do not hurry to forgive but write a letter(without sending it but read it two times a day for at least three months),express your emotions in private, let the Holy Spirit heal your emotions as theycome to surface.

- Express your emotion before the Lord

- Don't suppress any feelings of anger, rage, fear, or sorrow, etc ... However,don't pour these feelings to your offenders but only to God.

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- Argue with those people who hurt you as if they were present. You can also writea letter each one of them. Do not send the letter to them. Never argue with themface to face. If you feel it necessary to talk with them about the past, do soonly after you have decided to forgive them and you have finished the process ofhealing. Then you may meet with them not to decide whether you are going toforgive them, but just to let them know that you were hurt by their actions butyou have forgiven them.

- Recognize your feelings and keep in mind that they are real and LEGITIMATE. Donot undermine or ignore your feelings.

5. Extend your forgiveness toward God. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

6. Remember that UNFORGIVENESS is the root of symptoms like anger, bitterness,fear, revenge, jealousy, and depression; do not allow yourself to remain theirprisoner. Keep in mind that:

- There is a certain degree of risk in forgiving

- After you forgive, the memory of the bad actions will remain but your negativefeelings toward them will disappear.

- Not to excuse your sin with your offender's action.

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- Not to pretend that the injury never happened.

- Not to express forgiveness too soon

- You must forgive God for His apparent lack of care for you. If not, depression,misdirected rage or fear, and suppressed anger will be like an atomic bombexploding after a short chain reaction.

- It is vital that you ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your memory all of yourpast memories, hurt, and pain. Take one event at a time, Try to remember everydetail, express your feelings. Ask for the gift of forgiveness so that you mayforgive as He forgives you.

- You must accept your measure of guilt for not forgiving right away and for yourchoice to , blame the persons who have wounded you. Come to God in totalrepentance showing your disposition to forgive and to be forgiven.

For more go to:

www.Relevantlifesolutions.org