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Between The Sheets

06 Community Calendar05 Seriously w/Camey09 Pro Tips15 Event Calendar17 Music Notes

Becomea Fan!

The Guts

Camey LaraEditor [email protected]

Eric MuehlhausenSenior [email protected]

Linda WilliamsMedia Consultant806-336-5534

Follow us

Camey

I know I have mentioned this many times before but I love reality shows. I love watching the competition shows where

they are competing to be the next (fill in the blank) star. I love watching the “real life”

shows where cameras are all over one’s house and no one

seems to care. I am always amazed at how much people are willing to share with the public.

Though I know these shows are for mindless entertain-ment and nothing more it makes me question our society when we start to worship the obnoxious.

I just finished reading an article stating that Mike from the show Jersey Shore is launching his own “fragrance.” The fragrance is possibly going to be known as the Situation Cologne or “The Sitch” for short. Hmmm..I am thinking I should be hired to head up his marketing campaign.

I can think of a couple ways to market his cologne. I would make it sound appealing by saying it does what the name implies and that it changes to fit a man’s situation. Lets say it becomes less

pungent when he enters an elevator or any small public space so the rest of us don’t have to smell him, it becomes stronger when his body

odor kicks in to mask his personal stench, and turns into a bug repellent when he’s outdoors, thereby saving everyone in his vicinity from mosquito attacks. I think people might show a little interest if they knew it had mul-tiple uses.

Or perhaps I could go with another angle…imagine if you could give the situation cologne to your boyfriend for his birthday, and it would suddenly smell really crappy when he was around other women, thereby warding them off. Oh can you imagine the accumulation of women standing in line to buy it. But I am pretty sure this cologne is not going to do be that inventive or useful. And as with other one hit wonders it will soon be leftovers on sale at TJ Maxx. But can you think about the fun it would be to see the perfume ladies at Neimen Marcus trying to sell “the Sitch”. It might just be me but I find great humor in this.

So, I guess now all I have to do now it just wait and see if they call me to help promote this great new fragrance.

“I mean this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into”

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Community Calendar

SATURDAYSEPTEMBER 4THE HIGH PLAINS DOG SHOWAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERREGENCY ROOM, N&S EXHIBIT HALLS

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 5THE HIGH PLAINS DOG SHOWAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERREGENCY ROOM, N&S EXHIBIT HALLS

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 95:00PMAMARILLO CHAMBER OF COMMERCEBBQ COOK OFF10TH & POLK$23.00 PER PERSON

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 106:30PM-8:30PMCHRISTMAS IN ACTIONVOLUNTEER BANQUETPOLK STREET UNITED METHODIST CHURCHFREE TO ATTEND

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 118:00AM-6:00PMAMARILLO HUMANE SOCIETY RABIES CLINICAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERSOUTH EXHIBIT HALL

9:00AMMEMORY WALKBENEFITING ALZHEIMER’S ASSOCIATIONMEMORIAL PARK AT AMARILLO COLLEGE2-MILE WALKDONATIONS ACCEPTED

7:00PMAMARILLO CASA ANNUAL FUNDRAISERNIGHT AT CASABLANCAOESCHGER’S HOME$50.00 PER PERSON

7:00PMRT 66 ROLLER DERBY AMARILLO CIVIC CENTER NORTH EXHIBIT HALL$13.00 PER PERSON

7:00PMAMARILLO TEA PARTY PATRIOTS“STAND UP FOR AMERICA” RALLYAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERAUDITORIUM$9.00 PER PERSON

7:30PMSHARK FIGHTSAMARILLO CIVIC CENTER COLISEUMRANGE FROM $40.00-$150.00 PER PERSON

9:30PMLITTLE BIG TOWN CONCERTTRI STATE FAIR GROUNDS$20.00 PER PERSON

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 1611:30PMRSVP VOLUNTEER APPRECIATION BANQUETAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERHERITAGE HALL$15.00 FOR NON-VOLUNTEERS

8:00PM“SOUTH PACIFIC” MUSICALAMARILLO LITTLE THEATRE$20.00 ADULT/$17.00 STUDENT/ $14.00 CHILD

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 178:00PMOPENING NIGHTAMARILLO SYMPHONYGLOBE NEWS CENTER


SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 189:00AM-7:00PMTOP OF TEXAS CAR SHOWTHOMPSON PARKFREE TO ATTEND

10:00AMTRI STATE FAIR PARADEDOWNTOWN AMARILLO

6:00PMWT A&M VS SOUTHEASTERN OK STATEKIMBROUGH MEMORIAL STADIUM$10.00 ADULT/$5.00 YOUTH


8:00PMOPENING NIGHTAMARILLO SYMPHONYGLOBE NEWS CENTER

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 191:00PM-3:30PM2ND ANNUAL WESTMINSTER DOG SHOWWESTMINSTER

PRESBYTERIAN CHURCHFREE TO ATTEND, FREE TO COMPETE

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 209:00AM-12:00PMSENIOR CITIZEN’S DAYHEALTH FAIR & PROGRAMAMARILLO TRI STATE FAIRFREE TO ATTEND

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 217:30PMBB KING IN CONCERTAMARILLO CIVIC CENTER$45.00 - $75.00 PER PERSON

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 238:00PM“SOUTH PACIFIC” MUSICALAMARILLO LITTLE THEATRE$20.00 ADULT/$17.00 STUDENT/ $14.00 CHILD

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 247:05PM“OPENING NIGHT” AMARILLO BULLS HOCKEYAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERCOLISEUM


September 2010

Community Calendar Sept. 2010

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 258:00AM-6:30PMJUST BETWEEN FRIENDS TRADE SHOWAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERREGENCY ROOM

8:00AM-11:00AMPUNT, PASS & KICK COMPETITIONBOYS & GIRLS AGES 8-15DICK BIVINS STADIUMFREE TO COMPETE

9:00AMRACE FOR THE CUREDOWNTOWN AMARILLO$25.00 TO RACE

3:00PM-7:00PMLLANO CEMETERY TOUR BY TWILIGHTLLANO CEMETERY$5.00 PER PERSON

7:00PM-12:00PMASCA FUNDRAISER“GREASED LIGHTNING”VINTAGE AUTOHAUS IMPORTS$40.00 PER PERSON


SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 2610:00AM-3:00PMJUST BETWEEN FRIENDS TRADE SHOWAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERREGENCY ROOM

2:30PM“SOUTH PACIFIC” MUSICALAMARILLO LITTLE

THEATRE$20.00 ADULT/$17.00 STUDENT/ $14.00 CHILD

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 29HISPANIC FLAMENCO BALLETAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERAUDITORIUM

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 308:00PM“SOUTH PACIFIC” MUSICALAMARILLO LITTLE THEATRE$20.00 ADULT/$17.00 STUDENT/ $14.00 CHILD

FRIDAY OCTOBER 18:00PM“SOUTH PACIFIC” MUSICALAMARILLO LITTLE THEATRE$22.00 ADULT/$20.00 STUDENT/ $16.00 CHILD

SATURDAY OCTOBER 2RT 66 ROLLER DERBYAMARILLO CIVIC CENTERNORTH EXHIBIT HALL$13.00 PER PERSON


SUNDAY OCTOBER 32:30PM“SOUTH PACIFIC” MUSICALAMARILLO LITTLE THEATRE$20.00 ADULT/$17.00

“Can I borrow a quarter?”“Why?”“I need to call my mother to tell her that I’ve met the girl of my dreams”

You’ve probably practiced those lines every time you’re in the shower and when you’re stuck in a traffic jam. Unfortunately, you’ve never had the opportunity to say it to anyone, except for your pet dog who seems to have responded quite positively. Well, the good news is, there is still hope for you. Here are some useful tips to meet more hot and sexy single ladies.

Live Where There’s More Women Than MenDid you know that in 2007, Sweden had the highest women to men ratio at 2.6:1? Well its a good idea to move where all the single ladies are at. This will increase your chances for sure!

Read Chick Literature & Female Magazines Everyone loves a knowledgeable guy. But you need to know more than what the other guys know to be able to impress- know what the ladies love and you’re sure to be a hit with them. Recommendations: The Shopaholic Series, Cosmopolitan Magazine

Get A PuppyChances are they will pay more attention to the puppy. But hey, a little patience goes a long way!

Throw A PartyMake sure that there are more girls than guys. Better yet if the ratio is 10:5. Tell your friends to bring 2 girls each.

Take A Class & Learn Something NewYou may want to consider taking up

Yoga or Latin Dance. These classes are heavily populated with females. Plus some girls are impressed with guys who know how to move on the dance floor.

Drop Your StandardsLower your standards and don’t be too quick to judge. Like the old saying goes, ‘Beauty is skin deep’.

Never Use Corny Pick-Up LineIf you’re going to be an idiot by all means use the recommended pick up

line or if you want to practice you can also go here. But by all means never use corny pick up lines.

Take A Stab In The DarkNot everyone can be as suave as James Bond but you can at least try to pick up a chick by taking a stab in the dark. You

don’t have to make things complicated just start a simple conversation and even if you don’t see any signs she’s interested in you, just say it! “Would you like to have a drink with me some time?” Don’t worry about being

re-jected the more you try the better you’ll get.

Borrow Your Friends KidsLook for the cutest kid you can find and take them out to your local shopping mall. Try and get them to

start conversations for you, its a nice ice breaker.

Become A FiremanThe pays pretty good and lots of women fantasize about men in uniform especially firemen.

10 Tips On Meeting Single Ladies

Pro TipsPro Tips

The last days of summer are so hard to take as we watch it go down for the count We start to look for anything that might cheer us up. Back to school, cooler weather, the holidays….oh who are we kidding?? The fact is outside of some cool Christmas gifts and maybe a couple of good snowball fights, there isn’t much to be fired up about. Nevertheless, it is a great excuse to change up your image, by which I mean your hair.

After a good dose of heat, highlights, flat ironing, chlorine, lake water, or just a good old summer ass kicking, your hair has paid the price. Once again it is time to listen to your stylist about product and start the reconstruction process so you can heal up and do it again next summer. If you choose not to, you might become part of the dried up, static, afro’d winter fashion statement. If you have experienced this in the past, now is the time to invest a little extra in your hair care regimen. And let’s not forget the leave-in moisturizers, which should have also been used all summer.

Here are a few helpful hints: If you are wanting to tint back to your original color or something close, be picky about the stylist you choose to do this for you.; ‘tis the season for some jacked up color if not careful! If you are one of the many over processed blondes, be very careful when choosing your fall colors. Burgundies without fillers will always turn pink. Natural colors can become dull & muddy without the proper fillers. Long story short, the more processed it is (overly blonde & dried out) the more chance it has of pulling bad undertones. You know, we have all had that one friend, or been the friend, whose hair becomes that beautiful shade of green. Best advice; do not tie your stylists’ hands. Allow them to play with

warmer colors. Gold and copper based colors can be your best friends when gambling with tint-backs. Example: If you are going dark brown, stick with chocolate browns, golden browns, or just good old warm browns. If you are wanting red, stick with gold & copper based reds. Everybody wants those deep burgundies, but if not done right, it WILL become a pink disaster. Using fillers, or at least gold and copper based colors is a must when ending your summer blondes. Ask your stylist. If they don’t know what you are asking about or if they seem to get uptight when you question them, you are in the wrong chair! There is nothing wrong with asking questions before, to make you feel better about a drastic color change. Just don’t’ be overbearing, you don’t want to ruin a good relationship with your stylist.

And speaking of relationships, here is a tip for you guys. I have seen so many ladies get their bubble busted when changing their style by negative reactions and comments from their significant other. If it is a big change, give yourself time to get used to it before you make insulting remarks to them. If your partner loves it, you should be supportive, as long as she doesn’t look like Cyndi Lauper. Trust me; this can make all the difference in and out of the bedroom! Example: If your girl gets a perm, don’t be expecting any sugars if you refer to her as “buckwheat” when she walks in the door….you get the picture.

One last thought, if you want to try some-thing, but aren’t sure you want to commit to months of it, there are temporary colors that will fade out gradually without leaving a drastic like of demarcation. So you can play a bit to see what you prefer.

If you have any questions pertaining to color formulas or color corrections, feel free to look me up on facebook, or just give me a call.

We are now offering the latest hair extensions at unbelieveably low prices, please call to book your free consultation."

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SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 4NO DOGS-KARAOKESASSYS- DJ TRA-CDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEBAILEYS- KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- KARAOKETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKECP’S SPORTS BAR- KARAOKEEBGBS- SCENIC ROOTS BANDLOWERYS- BUSTER BLEDSOEWESTERN HORSEMAN- DERRYL PERRY

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 5BAILEYS- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- B-MAN KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEWHISKEY RIVER- OPEN MIC NIGHTLOWERYS- OPEN MIC NIGHTEBGBS- LIFELESS 2 LIFELA FRONTERA- BLOCK PARTY

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 6WHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKEWINGSTREET/GEORGIA- B-MAN KARAOKE

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 7ROUNDERS- DJ ELEMENTWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEWINGSTREET/COULTER- KARAOKEBUFFALO WILD WINGS- KARAOKE

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 8NO DOGS- KARAOKE

DUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAROUNDERS- DJ ELEMENTLOWERYS- B- MAN KARAOKE

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 9DUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAHOOTS- BOBBY MCCAULEYPINE SHED- KARAOKELOWERYS- B-MAN KARAOKEWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKEWINGSTREET/GEORGIA- BLUES W/SAM KINGLEALS- ANDY CHASEWILD CARD- KARAOKEGOLDEN LIGHT- THE SCHRAGGSWAR LEGION- COVENENCE, KLAUSE

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 10NO DOGS- KARAOKESASSYS- DJ TRA-CDUKE TRACYS- SOLANO PROJECTWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEBAILEYS- KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- DA BOOGIE MENTHE DUGOUT- KARAOKECP’S SPORT BAR- KARAOKEMIDNIGHT RODEO- NO JUSTICEHOOTS- ELECTRIC GYPSIESLOWERYS- LEE SCHEETZ & BORDERLINEEBGBS- COMEDY NIGHTLANDSHARKS- ANDY CHASEGOLDEN LIGHT- SUSAN GIBSONWESTERN HORSEMAN- CADILLAC JACKROUNDERS- BOSS 420

Your Night Life Survival GuidePull Out Section

Your Night Life Survival GuideSATURDAY SEPTEMBER 11NO DOGS-KARAOKESASSYS- DJ TRA-CDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEBAILEYS- KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- KARAOKETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKECP’S SPORTS BAR- KARAOKEHOOTS- ELECTRIC GYPSIESLOWERYS- LEE SCHEETZ & BORDERLINEGOLDEN LIGHT- DEATHWRITERSWESTERN HORSEMAN- CADILLAC JACKWAR LEGION- BIZZY BONETROUNDERS- BOSS 420

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 12BAILEYS- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- B-MAN KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEWHISKEY RIVER- OPEN MIC NIGHTLOWERYS- BATTLE OF THE BANDSWILD BILLS- BENEFIT RUN FOR GARRET GRANT

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 13WHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKEWINGSTREET/GEORGIA- B-MAN KARAOKEWAR LEGION- TURBID, NORTH, PLECTOR. KLAUSE

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 14ROUNDERS- DJ ELEMENTWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEWINGSTREET/COULTER- KARAOKE

BUFFALO WILD WINGS- KARAOKE

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 15NO DOGS- KARAOKEDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAROUNDERS- DJ ELEMENTLOWERYS- B- MAN KARAOKE

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 16DUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAHOOTS- BOBBY MCCAULEYPINE SHED- KARAOKELOWERYS- B-MAN KARAOKEWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKEWINGSTREET/GEORGIA- BLUES W/SAM KINGLEALS- ANDY CHASEWILD CARD- KARAOKEGOLDEN LIGHT- JEFF & VIDA

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 17NO DOGS- KARAOKESASSYS- DJ TRA-CDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEBAILEYS- KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- ENDEAVORTHE DUGOUT- KARAOKECP’S SPORT BAR- KARAOKEMIDNIGHT RODEO- RYAN BEAVERLOWERYS- IRON HORSELANDSHARKS- RYZE W/STGWESTERN HORSEMAN- TERRY ALLEN

Your Night Life Survival Guide

www.edgemonthly.com

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 18NO DOGS-KARAOKESASSYS- DJ TRA-CDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEBAILEYS- KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- KARAOKETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKECP’S SPORTS BAR- KARAOKELANDSHARKS- DJ ROROSMOKEY JOES- MICHAEL VANTRI STATE FAIR- RESTLESS HEARTHOOTS- ZACH WALTHERLOWERYS- IRON HORSEGOLDEN LIGHT- LONESOME GOATWESTERN HORSEMAN- TERRY ALLEN

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 19BAILEYS- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- B-MAN KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEWHISKEY RIVER- OPEN MIC NIGHTLOWERYS- OPEN MIC NIGHT

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 20WHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKEWINGSTREET/GEORGIA- B-MAN KARAOKE


WEDNESDAYSEPTEMBER 22NO DOGS- KARAOKEDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAROUNDERS- DJ ELEMENTLOWERYS- B- MAN KARAOKE

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 23DUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAHOOTS- BOBBY MCCAULEYPINE SHED- KARAOKELOWERYS- B-MAN KARAOKEWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKEWINGSTREET/GEORGIA- BLUES W/SAM KINGLEALS- ANDY CHASEWILD CARD- KARAOKEGOLDEN LIGHT- MARE WAKEFIELD

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 24NO DOGS- KARAOKESASSYS- DJ TRA-CDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEBAILEYS- KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- FAT CHANCETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKECP’S SPORT BAR- KARAOKEMIDNIGHT RODEO- RICH O’TOOLEHOOTS- SHY BLAKEMANLOWERYS- JOSH LANGSTONLANDSHARKS- THE COLT CLASSICSGOLDEN LIGHT- SHANE ROGERS BANDWAR LEGION- ABIGAIL WILLIAMS

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Your Night Life Survival Guide

www.edgemonthly.com

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 25NO DOGS-KARAOKESASSYS- DJ TRA-CDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEBAILEYS- KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- KARAOKETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKECP’S SPORTS BAR- KARAOKELANDSHARK- DJ ROROHOOTS- FLYING ELBOWSTHE NAT- MUSIC FOR LIFE FESTIVALGOLDEN LIGHT- RODNEY PARKER & 50 PESO REWARD

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 26BAILEYS- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- B-MAN KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEWHISKEY RIVER- OPEN MIC NIGHTLOWERYS- OPEN MIC NIGHTWAR LEGION- LETS GET IT

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 27WHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKEWINGSTREET/GEORGIA- B-MAN KARA-OKE


WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 29NO DOGS- KARAOKEDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAROUNDERS- DJ ELEMENTLOWERYS- B- MAN KARAOKE

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 30DUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAHOOTS- BOBBY MCCAULEYPINE SHED- KARAOKELOWERYS- B-MAN KARAOKEWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKEWINGSTREET/GEORGIA- BLUES W/SAM KINGLEALS- ANDY CHASEWILD CARD- KARAOKEMIDNIGHT RODEO- ELI YOUNG

FRIDAY OCTOBER 1NO DOGS- KARAOKESASSYS- DJ TRA-CDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEBAILEYS- KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- KARAOKETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKECP’S SPORT BAR- KARAOKEWESTERN HORSEMAN- BUSTER BLED-SOE

SATURDAY OCTOBER 2NO DOGS-KARAOKESASSYS- DJ TRA-CDUKE TRACYS- SONGBIRD KARAOKE W/LINDAWHISKEY RIVER- KARAOKE JOEBAILEYS- KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- KARAOKETHE DUGOUT- KARAOKECP’S SPORTS BAR- KARAOKEHOOTS- JOSH WEATHERSWESTERN HORSEMAN- BUSTER BLED-SOEWAR LEGION- CATTLE DEPRESSION

SUNDAY OCTOBER 3BAILEYS- KARAOKEFRIENDZ- B-MAN KARAOKEPINE SHED- KARAOKEWHISKEY RIVER- OPEN MIC NIGHTLOWERYS- OPEN MIC NIGHT

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Legal Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only. EDGE Monthly cannot be held responsible if you accidentally break five molars while trying to open a bottle of Old Milwaukee with your teeth. Seriously, why the hell are you drinking Old Milwaukee anyway?

As every man knows, the real definition of a drinking problem is the problem of not being able to open your bottle. Luckily, we can help with a full range of simple techniques for opening bottles of booze without the aid of a conventional opener or a corkscrew. In fact, all you’ll really need are a few common household items and a little bit of elbow grease. The following article on how to open bottles without bottle openers has been divided into beer bottles for the average Joe and wine bottles for the more sophisticated imbiber. Regarding the beer bottles: We realize that most domestics have twist-off caps, so we recommend grabbing a cold import (though these methods will work on twist-offs if you’re too girly to open them with your hand). Cheers!

The dollar bill methodIt’s time to put your money where your mouth is -- literally! Simply fold a dollar bill in half and roll it up as tightly as you can until it’s approximately the same width as a large screw. Next, fold it in half again and wedge it under the lid with the rolled bill nestled between your thumb and index finger. Finally, hold onto the neck of the bottle with your nondominant hand and push up. You’ll be amazed at the force with which the cap will fly across the room. If you open bottles without bottle openers in this way often enough and you start making wagers, you just might be able to start making a profit. Who says you can’t get anything for a dollar anymore?

The lighter methodIn the hands of the right technician a lighter can be used for so much more than encouraging Lynyrd Skynyrd to play another encore. Stop singing along to “Free Bird” for just one moment and place the bottom of your plastic Bic

lighter under the edge of your beer’s bottle cap. Now, grip the neck of the bottle tightly with your nondominant hand and use your other hand to push up on the cap with the firm bottom of your lighter. Continue this motion at various points around the cap until it pops off completely. Now you’re free to enjoy the sweet pursuits of fire and alcohol in a single sitting! Ronnie Van Zant would definitely have approved of this method to open bottles without bottle openers.

The bumper methodGet your friends to stop making fun of your sh*t-brown El Camino by showing just how useful it can be in a pinch. Begin by aligning the bottle cap of your beer against the

edge of your car’s steel bumper (today’s flimsy plastic bumper won’t cut it for this trick). Hold the bottle with your nondominant hand and apply mild pressure by pulling down. Next, place your dominant hand two to three inches above the bottle cap and strike the cap with the palm of your dominant hand without hitting the bumper. The force should cause the cap to pop right off. Now, keep drinking until your El Camino starts looking like an Aston Martin.

The key methodSometimes the key to opening a bottle is using a key. Hold your beer bottle by the neck in your nondominant hand and place a standard house key under the ridges of the cap in your other. Next, use your key to force out one of the ridges. Repeat this step on the neighboring ridges two to three times until you’ve created a hole large enough to securely wedge your key in. Once your key is in place, push upward and force the cap off, or if it’s loose enough, simply pop it off with your free thumb. Now enjoy your brew, MacGyver -- you’ve earned it!

How To: Open Bottles Without Bottle Openers

The second-bottle methodBeers are like hot women: they usually travel in pairs. And that’s a good thing, because the only prop required for the “second-bottle method” of opening a bottle without a bottle opener is another delicious bottle of golden ale. Simply place the cap of one bottle directly under the ridged edge of another bottle’s cap. Jerk down hard on the bottle on top and the cap will pop off instantly. Now, if only picking up women were this easy.

The belt-buckle methodWhen the going gets tough, the tough don’t buckle under, they buckle up. Begin by remov-ing your belt and fitting an edge of the buckle tightly over the bottle cap. Using your thumb, push up hard on the other edge of the buckle and the cap should pop right off. Don’t forget to put your belt back on afterward, otherwise you could find yourself drinking alone with your pants around your ankles. Sadly, we’re guessing it won’t be the first time either.

Wine bottles

The hit methodIt’s time to get back to nature. Wrap your bottle in a protective hand towel, and holding it firmly with both hands, rhythmically tap the bottom of it against the trunk of a tree. The pressure of the wine against the cork will eventually ease it out, although it may take several taps depending upon the condition of your girlie man physique. In lieu of a tree, you can also use a phone book or a wall. Your forehead is not recommended, although it is a good way to get the alcohol to go straight to your head.

The push methodIf you can't force the cork out, you can always push it back in. Select a long, hard device like a house key, a pen or the bottom of a utensil and, in the immortal words of Salt-N-Pepa, “push it real good” until the cork is no longer lodged in the neck. Although this method is effective,

you’ll still have to contend with a floating obstruction, so be prepared to push the floating cork down into the bottle with a pen or a

chopstick during the first pour.

The paperclip methodNeed a quick pick-me-up to get you through another grueling day at work? You’re in luck. All you need is a pair of paper-clips and a pen. Begin by straightening the

paper clips, leaving the U-shapes intact. Insert one of the small U's into the bottle between the glass and the cork until the end of the U is beneath the cork line. Rotate the paperclip approximately 90 degrees so that your hook will gouge the cork when you pull it up. Repeat the process on the other side of the cork with your second paperclip. Once both of your clips are in place, straighten the two larger U shapes at the top and twist the ends together until you’ve created a makeshift handle. Insert a pen under the wires and pull out the cork. Casual Friday suddenly just got a lot more casual.

Bottoms up!Many of the tech-niques outlined above require a little practice, so attempt them on your own first before trying to impress your friends. Remember, although drinking can be fun, it’s wise to abide by the words of Homer Simpson, who once observed: “The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV.”

Jerry Lee Lewis wants to make one thing clear: The title of his new album, "Mean Old Man," isn't a reference to the Killer himself.

"No, it has nothing to do with me whatsoever," the 74-year-old rock'n'roll legend says. "It's named for the Kris Kristofferson song [that opens the set], which I flipped out over when I heard it. I thought it was a hit piece of material, so I cut it."

Kristofferson isn't the only celebrity guest who contributed to "Mean Old Man," due Sept. 7 on Verve/Universal Music Enter-prises (UMe). It also features appearances by Eric Clapton, Keith Richards and Willie Nelson, plus a handful of younger stars including John Mayer and Sheryl Crow.

"It's just a collection of people who really love Jerry and wanted to be part of the album," says Lewis' daughter, Phoebe, who manages her father's career and served as the set's executive producer. "The fact that they bring their own notoriety is just a plus. They're like the ultimate sidemen and women."

"The record goes by quick, which is a good sign," says Jim Keltner, who

produced the album with Steve Bing. "The chops that Jerry Lee had as a young man, he's lost a lot of that. But now there's a depth and richness to the music. When he sits down to play, you just want to listen."

"Mean Old Man" follows up 2006's "Last Man Standing," which similarly paired Lewis with an all-star cast and has sold 194,000 copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan. Yet Verve/UMe president Bruce Resnikoff says the new set-the artist's first for Verve-demonstrates Lewis' "strength and power as a performer" more vividly than did its predecessor.

And, he adds, it stands a better chance of attracting a multigen-erational audience. "Jerry Lee's performance [at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's 25th Anniversary Concert last October] exposed him to younger fans and created an interest that had been bubbling before."

To capture those fans, Verve senior VP/GM Nate Herr says, the label began releasing one album track on iTunes every week beginning Aug. 3. The first was "Rockin' My Life Away" featuring Kid Rock and Slash.

Still, he adds, "the sweet spot for this record is an older demo-graphic," one Verve intends to reach through a release-week

media blitz that includes appearances on "The View," "Today," "Imus in the Morning," NPR's "Weekend

Edition" and Fox News' "Huckabee." Lewis is also scheduled to perform with the cast of Broadway's

"Million Dollar Quartet" Sept. 10 and at B.B. King Blues Club & Grill in New York Sept.

13.

In addition to the 10-track standard edition, "Mean Old Man" will arrive in an 18-track deluxe package that includes collaborations with Shelby Lynne and Gillian Welch. "My daddy

likes singing with girls," Phoebe Lewis says.

"We're approaching this record as a project to which we're committed for the next year," Resnikoff says. "It's such a thrill to work with Jerry Lee Lewis, and we're hoping this serves as a steppingstone to more opportunities with him."

Jerry Lee LewisEnlists Legendary Friends for New Album

With four nominations, Sia leads the pack heading into Australia's fifth annual Jagermeister Independent Music Awards, to be held Oct. 1 at Melbourne's Forum Theatre.

The Adelaide-born artist is up for best independent artist, her third set "We Are Born" (Independent/Inertia) is in the running for best independent album, while the track "Clap Your Hands" scores a nod for best indepen-dent single or EP.

Sia, whose most recent album bowed at No. 2 on the ARIA albums chart in June, is also vying for most popular indepen-dent artist of 2010, a new category voted on by listeners of commercial radio network Nova.

Hot on Sia's heels are singer-songwriter Dan Sultan and alternative rock group Cloud Control, who each pull three AIR nominations.

Rocker Rowland S Howard receives a posthumous nomination for "Pop Crimes" (Liberation Music), which was released only months before his cancer-related death last December.

The ceremony, until now known as the Jagermeister AIR Awards, is sponsored by the City Of Melbourne and will form the cornerstone of Melbourne Music, a new 12-day program of events which shine the spotlight on the city's music scene.

XYZ Networks' cable and satellite-TV broadcaster Channel V will return this year as the broadcast partner and will tape the show, a package of which will air at an unannounced date in October.

As part of an arrangement brokered by brand entertainment firm Mixitup, Jagermeister has signed a three-year deal to partner with the re-launched independent music awards and inde-pendent music charts.

Sia Leads Australian Indie Awards Nominations

Late arrivals, long-running sets and overall lackluster perfor-mances earned Guns N' Roses collective jeers as the rock group headlined the U.K.'s Reading and Leeds festivals this weekend (Aug. 27-29). According to NME, frontman Axl Rose declared "war" on Leeds organizers after claiming that the band's set was cut short on Sunday, despite the fact that it arrived one half hour late to its scheduled slot at the fest. "We would like to play a few more songs for you tonight," said Rose, who claimed he was told the group could play until midnight but was forced to end the set at 11:20 PM. "But someone's telling us that the show's over. This war ain't over yet." Festival organizer Melvin Benn told NME that the band was never given the OK to play until midnight. Sunday's set followed an equally controversial show at the Read-ing festival on Friday (Aug. 27), in which Guns N' Roses arrived an hour late and endured endless boos from the crowd. The set was shut down at the original noise curfew, but Rose and co. tried to play "Paradise City" as an encore without amplification. Rose posted a short apology for the Reading performance on his Twitter account yesterday (Aug. 29), writing that "the fans deserve an apology from those responsible for the nonsense." Earlier today, the singer chalked up the time disputes to "miscommunication" beyond the band's control. "We hope the fans feel they got at least what they could from us under the circumstances," Rose wrote.

Axl Roses Fumes After Guns N' Roses Is Cut Short at Reading, Leeds Fests

on June 24, 2010, Lady Gaga leaned into a microphone and said five words that Little Monsters around the world had been dying to hear. "This is a brand-new record." Seated behind a deconstructed piano at Elton John's 12th annual White Tie & Tiara Ball -- wearing nothing but a BeDazzled black bra and panties -- pop's reigning princess unveiled the piano-driven rock 'n' roll tune "You and I" to the exclusive audience at the Windsor, England benefit. As expected in the Internet age, the song did not stay confined within the walls of the English mansion for long -- a video of the performance quickly became a YouTube sensation when it was leaked days later. By the time Gaga reached New York's Madison Square Garden two weeks later, ardent fans were singing along to every word of the tune, which has now became a show-stopping staple on her Monster Ball tour. The new track was also the centerpiece of her record-breaking perfor-mance on NBC's "Today" show on July 9. Despite the early hour, 20,000 Gaga-lovers crowded New York's Rockefeller Plaza, making her five-song mini-set the most well-attended gig in "Today's" concert series' history. "You and I" is the first and only new material Gaga has shared with fans since she announced that her new album was all but done and

would be released sometime in 2011. She teased fans with the promise that she would not reveal the title of the new record until midnight on New Year's Eve. "I think I'm gonna get the album title tattooed on me and put out the photo," she told Rolling Stone in June. "I've been working on it for months now, and I feel very strongly that it's finished right now. It came so quickly. Some artists take years; I don't. I write music every day." And in the pre-Fall issue of iD magazine, Gaga calls her new album "my absolute greatest work I've ever done, and I'm so excited about it...The message, the melodies, the direction, the meaning, what it will mean to my fans and what it will mean to me in my own life -- it's utter liberation." At Lollapalooza in August, she confirmed that "You and I" will defi-nitely be included on the upcoming album, which she's been working on in part in Chicago. The song is "about real true love," and "about the most important person in my life," she hinted as she challenged the crowd to name that tune and received the correct answer shouted back to her by tens of thousands of fans in unison.

"I've been writing a lot on the road. I've been real inspired by the highway, and real inspired by rock 'n' roll music," pop queen Gaga revealed at Lollapalooza about some of the direction of her new mate-rial. "I like to listen to rock 'n' roll, whether you believe that or not, while we drive."

Lady Gaga's New Album Will Be 'Shocking,' Says RedOne

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