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Denyse Deslauriers BA, MA (Candidate)
Early Childhood Consultant
Ottawa Children’s Treatment Centre
February 25, 2011
AgendaIntroductions Relationships Definition of “sensitive news”Why sharing news is difficult for parents and
ECEsHow you tell makes a differenceStrategies for sharing newsWrap up and questions
Relationships
Mutual trustDialogueRespect
“The success of all types of interventions will rest on the quality of the relationships between professional providers and family members.” (Kalmanson & Seligman, 1992, p. 46)
What does a quality relationship look like?
Collaboration with families/Working together
Being sensitive and responsive to families’ needs/concerns
Self- awareness
What is “sensitive” news?Any information that causes a negative change
to a person’s expectations for their present and future (J. Olds, 2008)
Difficult for familiesCauses pain, hurt, distress
Raises emotions
Can cause a negative reaction
Difficult for ProfessionalsFear of being blamed
Lack of confidence in skill set
Fear of emotions
EthicsAs professionals, it is our ethical
responsibility to have the difficult discussion with the parent
You are the best person to have the discussion because you know the child and the parent
T _________________________E _________________________L _________________________L _________________________
Adapted from The Hanen Centre, A Module for Learning Language and Loving It, 2009
4 letters to remember when sharing news with parents
How You Tell Makes A Difference
Plan Ahead
RapportSetting
MessagePerson’s Reaction
RapportEstablish mutual trust
Emphasize positives as well as negatives
Give specific examples
Ensure consistent message among all providers involved
SettingPlan a mutually convenient time
Allow sufficient time for discussion
Ensure location is private and respectful
Eliminate distractions
MessageBe aware of purpose/goal of discussion and share that with family
Have supporting documentation available, i.e. screen/checklist
ReactionConsider how parents may react ahead of time and how you will respond
Consider cultural differences, family stresses, parent’s values and priorities, and acceptance of any problem
Parent: Concerns? What do you mean exactly?Teacher: Well we think Vanessa has a speech problem
and you really should have her assessed.Parent: A speech problem. What do you mean?Teacher: She isn’t talking like the other little children.
This is a big problem for us because we can’t just understand what she wants when she whines and cries. It may be because you give in to this behavior at home.
Parent: Whines and cries? I thought you said she was happy here. She has been here for two months now and I thought everything was fine.
Teacher: Well, Vanessa is doing OK in some areas but we have been concerned for quite a while about her speech. We wanted to give her a chance to settle in before we spoke with you.
Parent: Well, I really don’t know why Vanessa is acting like you say. At home, she is happy, and she actually uses quite a few words.
Teacher: Well, we have not heard one word at school.Parent: Well, I am not making it up. (getting irritated)
I thought her language was coming along pretty well. She has to have at least 30 words that she uses at home. Doesn’t she communicate with you here?
Teacher: Well, she does not say words. We think there is a problem and you need to have her assessed.
Parent: Assessed where? And what will the assessment tell us?
Teacher: I don’t really know where. Ask your doctor. The assessment will tell us what the problem is.
Parent: (with a frustrated ,angry tone creeping into her voice) But I don’t think there is a problem!
Reactions of parents & how you will respond
Grief : Need to empathize and support without trying to take control –” It’s difficult to hear this news about someone whom you care so much about”
Inadequacy, vulnerability, confusion: Need to empathize – “ I imagine hearing all this information could be overwhelming. I know it will take time to take this all in and decided what you want to do. There are many support systems in the community that are available when you are ready.
Anger: Need to empathize & redirect. Parents may be very angry when they hear your information, and blame you for not adequately solving their problems. Anger may be covering underlying fear- “I think it may be hard when someone tells you your child has a problem”.
Guilt: Need to educate- “ There was nothing that you did to cause these communication difficulties”.
Stage of Acceptance(Can be cyclical)
1. Denial: Parents may be very surprised and deny that there is a problem. They may attribute Joshua’s lack of interaction to the fact that he is just independent like other members of the family. You will need to educate the parents & describe further how the child’s behavior is not the same as being independent and the impact of his behavior on his learning and development ( need to educate , not dispute)
Resistance: Parents accept the problem but feel they are going to be an exception. May be a secret wish to prove the professionals wrong. Need to support parents while they explore their options.
Affirmation: Parents believe there is a problem & have confidence in their ability to deal with it. May become very involved in searching for information & linking up with different services. The problem may take over their lives , distracting them from other issues in their lives. Need to give parents time & space to work out these issues. Try to avoid power struggles.
Acceptance: Parents accept the problem & are able to place it into perspective with other issues in their lives. Feeling of “Life goes on”in the presence of this problem.- “It sounds like you are ready to move ahead to discuss some options for how best we can help Joshua”
Reflection How did you start? How did you introduce the sensitive
information? How did your recipient react? How did you respond? How did you continue to share the
information? How did you conclude?
Sharing the News Strategies1. Observe, Wait, and Listen2. Follow the Parent’s Lead
Get the parent’s perspective and respond
3. Take Turns4. Adjust Your Language5. Extend the Topic
Strive for agreement Explore possible solutions Agree on next steps
6. Scan
Observe, Wait and ListenBe comfortable and relaxed
with sharing newsFind out what parents know
and want to know (collaborative)
Watch for verbal and nonverbal cues
Deliver a warning shot
Adapted from The Hanen Centre, A Module for Learning Language and Loving It, 2009
Follow the parent’s leadBuild on what the parent says
Be caring and supportive – no blame
Use active listening – respond to words and feelings
Take turnsStart by establishing common interest/purposePause for parent’s perspective, reaction and
questionsBe curious
Agree on problem and priorities before jumping to solution
Brainstorm various options togetherEmphasize “we”, not “I” or “you”Leave final decision with parentFocus on informing, not disputing
Remember: “First seek to understand, then to be understood” – Steven Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Adjust the way you talkKeep your opening statement brief
Give a little information at a time
Be clear, specific, and understandableDo not use jargon
Provide visual and/or written material if available and appropriate
Extend the topicInform
Clarify the issueShare your observations
ExplainE.g. reasons for your concern and child’s
behaviour
Talk about futureOutline what happens nextArrange for resources and supportsSet up follow up date
ScanCarefully observe reactions of all present for
discussion
Adapt your response to individual needs
What people value when receiving sensitive news
Comfort, care and compassion
Confident and knowledgeable explanations
Opportunity to ask questions and have concerns addressed
Follow up
It takes time…To absorb the information
To incorporate the information into what was already known
To sort through the emotions
Never assumeEverything that was said was heard
What was heard was understood
What was understood has been integrated into other knowledge
That the implications are clear and straightforward for the family
In conclusion“…people may forget what you said, people may
forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Maya Angelou
Thank you!
Questions?