Communicating with Your Kids: A Proactive Approach

for Discipline

Bette Nix,

Behavior Interventionist

Shelby County Schools

If a child doesn’t read, we TEACH

If a child doesn’t swim, we TEACH

If a child doesn’t multiply, we TEACH

If a child doesn’t drive, we TEACH

If a child doesn’t behave, we….uh…

TEACH? PUNISH?

Inappropriate Behavior Inappropriate behaviors can violate the rights

of others or jeopardize safety. They are self-defeating or self-damaging and

contrary to the requirement of the situation.

All behavior has a purpose (function)!!!!

Why do students/adults have inappropriate behavior?

• Attention (negative/positive)• Anxiety• Acceptance/Affiliation• Self Expression

• Anger• Frustration• Sadness

• To save face• Task avoidance• Gratification• Justice/Revenge• Medical issues• Unknown

What do you think children may gain from the problem

behaviors? Attention? What kind of attention? From

whom? Avoid an apparently difficult or boring activity? Avoid teacher interaction? Get control of a situation? Avoid embarrassment in front of peers?

Does the “why” matter? When children have challenging

behaviors, we do not always know why.

Even when we do, we may not be able to change the cause, but we can still work with the behavior.

PROACTIVE?

REACTIVE?

Focus on Proactive Interventions

Proactive Strategies • Take place before an

event occurs, usually based on previous experience or learning.

Reactive Strategies• Take place after an

event or stimulus, usually in opposition to a force or influence.

Typical (REACTIVE) Discipline Strategies

1. Re-direction

2. Talking to child

3. Screaming at child

4. Time-out

5. Taking away a privilege/grounding

6. Make threats

7. Corporal Punishment

Immediate & seductive solution….”Get Tough!”

Clamp down & increase monitoring Re-re-re-review rules Extend continuum & consistency of

consequences Establish “bottom line”

...Predictable individual response

Ways to Escalate Inappropriate Behaviors

Raising your voice! Intruding into the student’s personal space Using sarcasm Threatening Lecturing Nagging Arguing with the student Having the last word Creating a power struggle!!!

Discipline vs. PunishmentPunishment Emphasizes power Not always directly

related to the behavior Implies moral judgment Coercive Threatens loss

Discipline Emphasis on realities of

social order Logically related to

behavior Separates deed from doer Treats child with dignity Emphasizes care,

support, and love

Results we can expectPunishment Fear Rebellion Sneakiness Self-doubt Resentment Desire for revenge

Discipline Security Cooperation Responsibility Self-discipline Resourcefulness Desire for conciliation

Be proactive,

not reactive

Establishing an Environment for Positive Behavior

1. Try to understand what the behavior is communicating (the underlying need)

2. Be firm, but always be faira) Fair doesn’t mean same

3. Don’t try to be a friend to your childa) Be the adult

4. Work on becoming more consistent5. Separate the child and the behavior

6. Encourage independence through problem solving

7. Avoid feeling sorry for the child

a) Show empathy

8. Do not be concerned about the “right” discipline technique

9. Recognize who owns the problem

10. Encourage responsibility from the child

11. Be sure expectations are clearly explained

12. If discipline is needed, refuse to fight or argue

Think About This

Kids aren’t born “instant students”

We can’t assume they know how to act the way

we want them to act. The behavior we want needs to

first be taught to them.

Just as we teach math skills before we

expect them to perform math, so must

we teach basic behavior skills before

we can expect them to have those

skills.

Teaching Appropriate Behaviors

Shape the behavior through instruction, practice and correction.

Praise should be given for successive approximations, increase expectations and thus praise, fading supports

Silence is your most powerful tool!!! We talk to our children too much in regards to inappropriate behavior.

When verbal instruction is needed, lower your voice, give clear, concise instructions and restore order.

Be brief, simple and provide choices.

Students with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

Create an environment with predictability and stability.

Clearly define areas to promote organization. Avoid overcrowding. Use care where distracting areas are placed.

Give clear cues to your child. Keep work periods short and break

assignments into manageable tasks.

Students Engaging in Disruptive Behavior

Students may be disrupting to gain attention, power/control, gain revenge, or project an image of inadequacy.

Students that Seem to Exhibit Low Self-Esteem

1. Set a warm, supportive tone.2. Consider the impact of your actions on your child.*****3. Offer praise that is genuine and specific.4. Bolster the child’s academic skills for success.5. Assist the child in gaining an understanding of his/her

strengths and weaknesses.6. Teach the child positive self-talk.7. Take the child’s questions seriously.8. Create opportunities for the child to feel important.

Choices for You

Closed Fist, Open Hand, or Apathy

What creates the up-tight closed fist feeling?

• Stress/Tension

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Traffic

• Administration/ Teachers/Children

• Perfectionism

• Students/Adults not doing what is expected

• Money

• Anger• Fear• Too much to do• Standing in line• Difficult students• The need for control• Other???????

What creates the open-handed feeling?

• Forgiveness• Compassion/

Empathy/Patience/Love/Trust

• Other?????

• Exercise• Spending time with

family• Reading• Singing• Rest/Enough Sleep

How do getting enough sleep, getting enough exercise and doing things you enjoy impact how you might deal with a crisis situation?

Take Care of Yourself

Health LevelsHealthy

Unhealthy

The Unwanted Cycle

Unmet Need

Behavior

Our ResponseOnly dealing with the behavior or dealing with the behavior first, creates a cycle and the behavior will continue

MCS developed by Glenwood, Inc.

-- Abraham Lincoln

Determine the thing that can and shall be done…

…and then we shall find the way.

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

Frederick Douglass

We worry about what a child will be tomorrow

--Stacia --Stacia TausherTausher

yet we forget that he or she is someone today.  

Every student can learn,Every student can learn,

just not on the same dayjust not on the same day

-- George Evans.

or the same way.or the same way.

-- Claire Nuer.

WWill you be ill you be the rock the rock that that redirects redirects the course the course of the river?of the river?

Questions & Answers