FUNNY & MORALFUL EXAMPLES

The Darwinian Vs. God Contest : One day a group of Darwinian scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one Darwinian to tell God that they were done with Him.

The Darwinian walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’ve reached the point where we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you go on and get lost?”

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the Darwinian finished talking, God said, “Very well. How about this? Let’s have a man-making contest.” To which the Darwinian happily agreed.

God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The Darwinian said, “Sure, no problem,” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go and get your own dirt!”

Another major influence on the language was the King James’ Bible of1611, which brought many metaphorical expressions for speakers. ‘Forbidden fruit’, ‘a thorn in the flesh’ and the ‘way of the all flesh’ are some of the obvious ones. ‘ Feet of clay’ is an expression from the Book of Daniel in the same Bible, a phrase that has a story behind it. King Nebuchadnezzar has a dream, which is interpreted by Daniel. The king had dreamt of a huge statue with a golden head, silver arms and chest, brass midriff and thighs, iron legs, feet partly of iron and partly of clay. Daniel explained to the king that just as iron and clay don’t mix, so some future kingdom descending from Nebuchadnezzar’s will be divided and just as clay is easily broken, the kingdom too would crumble. Today, the simpler, idea of a small weakness relative to the strong whole prevails.

(F) Santa Singh turned Christian and was assisting a priest in a church. The priest was training him on how to handle confessions.

A woman came to confess that she had committed adultery. The priest asked her how many times. She said three times. The priest told her to donate Rs 500 and sin no more.

After a few minutes another man came and, by chance, he also confessed to adultery committed thrice. The priest again told him to put Rs 500 in the charity box and not to sin again.

Santa Singh told the priest that he has understood the job. Since the priest had got to go somewhere he left Santa to act for him. After a short while a woman came for confessing her sins.Santa: What did you do?Woman: I have committed adultery.Santa: How many times?Woman: Once.Santa: Go and commit two more times. We have a special festival discount; three sins for Rs 500.

Keep Enthusiasm in control : A man purchased a horse that used to walk on saying Hallelujah and stopped walking on saying Amen. The man gets on the horse and began his journey through the mountains. He said Hallelujah and the horse started walking. The man again said hallelujah many times. The horse started going on more faster. When the horse was running very fast, the end of the mountain came near. The man forgets how to stop the horse. At once he closed his eyes and started praying to God to stop the horse and save his life. He finished by saying Amen. When he opened his eyes, the horse had stopped and standing just at a distance of 1 foot. He became utterly happy and enthusiastic and shouted Hallelujah so loud that the horse jumped into the valley. So, the point to note down is that: Carefulness goes side-by-side of Enthusiasm.

(F) At the wedding: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”. “Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.” The child thought this for a moment and then asked, “So why is the groom wearing black?”

Visiting Pastor : A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was at home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it, and stuck it on the door. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me” (Revelation 34). The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the preacher’s message was written the following notation: “I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself” (Genesis 3:10)

Who is God? A Sunday school teacher began her lesson with a question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?” A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy. “Really? How do you know?” asked the teacher. “You know – our father, who does art in Heaven.”

No parking zone : A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.” When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

Handle with care ! At the local post office, there was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk. “Only the Ten Commandments” answered the lady.