Bridging the gendergap muse 2012

www.musecommunication.com

Intergender Communica0on


Objective

To improve communication between men and women


Outline

1.  Why do we need to know this?

2.  XX and XY: where are the differences

3.  Value systems, social drivers, processing

4.  He said, she said: communication styles

5.  Non-‐verbal communication

6.  Communication strategies at work


Guidelines before we begin….

1.  Have an open mind

2.  Respect both genders 3.  Be realistic 4.  Have a sense of humor….


Gender intelligence: why is it important?


…to avoid communication breakdown

“He does not listen”

“He doesn’t care”

“She doesn’t understand”

“He doesn’t communicate”

“She talks so much”

“He tells me what to do”


XX and XY: where is the difference?


What shapes us? Evolutionary Psychology

= human behavior incorporates the effects of evolution.

Different gender roles lead to changes in:

•  brain structure •  cognitive mechanisms

•  behavior


XX and XY: where is the difference?


Gender on the playground: boys Laying the foundations for gender role expectations


Gender on the playground: girls Laying the foundations for gender role expectations


…and in adulthood “Feminine” associated with •  attractive •  unassertive •  emotional •  nurturing •  concerned about relationships = reactive and responsive

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“Masculine” associated with •  strong, •  unemotional •  aggressive •  brave •  successful = active and independent


Men and Women: how they view the world


Group positioning

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Men

Hierarchical thinking:

“Fight or Flight”

Women

Relational thinking:

“Tend and befriend”


Social drivers: men value… Hierarchical needs

•  Independence

•  Power

•  Accomplishments


“I win”


and women value… Affiliative needs

•  Communication

•  Connection

•  Relationships


“Someone like me”


BUT traditional gender roles are blurring…


He said, she said: communication styles


Women

TALK = CONNECTION

Articulate the process of thinking “RAPPORT TALKING”

Why do men & women talk?

Men

TALK = CONVEY POSITION, STATUS

Wait to talk until they have the answer, then announce it. “REPORT TALKING”


Men - spotlight Women - floodlight

Thinking:

Focused, analytical, linear, logical

Social currency:

Facts, figures, features

Thinking:

Distributed, connected

Social currency:

Stories, personal details

Information processing Information processing & social currencies


Truisms of men….

ü View question asking as a sign of weakness

ü Compete for leadership

ü Cut to the chase

Strengths Associated with Men at Work

•  Goal orientation •  Tangible accomplishments

•  Problem solving

•  Responsiveness to challenge


Truisms of women….

ü Ask a lot of questions ü Use stories about home or relationships

ü Want to establish relationships

ü Like to tell and hear stories, push for details

Strengths Associated with Women at Work

•  Harmony, balance, creativity

•  Teamwork and collaboration

•  Detail oriented – multi-‐tasking & project management


Around the table…


Non-‐verbal communication in the spotlight

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Reading non-‐verbal clues

-‐ a quick test -‐


Question 1: personal space

We see a woman's personal space invaded by three other people. What will happen?

a. She will ask them to sit somewhere else

b. She will stare at the space “invaders” defiantly but will not move

c. She will leave, saying nothing to the three people

28 Answer: C


Question 2: body language

Who won the game of one-‐on-‐one basketball?

a.  The man on the left

b.  The man on the right

29 Answer: B


Question 3: facial expression

Who is the woman talking to on the phone?

a.  A female friend she has known for a long time

b.  A male friend she has known for a long time

30 Answer: B


Question 4: facial expression

Is this woman smiling with genuine warmth or concealed irritation?

a.  Genuine warmth

b.  Concealed irritation

31 Answer: B


Importance of non-‐verbal comms

!Did you know? When words and body language are in conflict, women ignore the words!


Example: spotting a lie As we mature, our body language becomes more

subtle and harder to read

A child telling a lie… A teenager telling a lie… An adult telling a lie


Differences in non-‐verbal communication Skill •  Women: more adapt at reading non-‐verbal clues •  Men: send more non-‐verbal signals / not as aware of the non-‐verbal clues they send

Proximity •  Men: prefer face-‐to-‐face position •  Women: comfortable side-‐by-‐side •  Women: take up less personal space

Gestures •  Men: use their hands more •  Women: use more subtle body language (e.g. lowering eyes when confronted)

Eye contact & facial expression •  Women: make more eye contact (reason: seek emotional connection) •  Women: use eye contact to gauge sincerity of others •  Men: make eye contact with the person they talk to •  Women: make eye contact with the person they listen to •  Women: smile more à AND more likely to be interrupted when they smile •  Women: use more facial expressions. (Men hide emotions better) •  Women: emotionally more expressive than men, except for anger.


Communication strategies at work


First, some examples…

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Gender at work: researched differences

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Managing: MEN – more careful critisising upward (the boss) WOMEN – more careful critising downward Indirect when MEN: admitting mistakes WOMEN: when telling others what to do Equality: MEN: emphasise pecking order in their behaviour, women minimise it Requests: MEN: give commands, WOMEN: make requests TALKING (changing the subject) MEN: finish one topic, then move to the next WOMEN: switch and change between topics


Gender at work: researched differences

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Problem solving: MEN: don’t verbalise thought process WOMEN: discuss to solve Feedback: MEN: direct & blunt WOMEN: more tactful & sensitive Asking questions: MEN: ask questions to get information WOMEN: ask questions to gather information AND to form a relationship Talking: MEN: report, talk more, interrupt WOMEN: rapport talk, wait their turn, exchange stories and avoid conflict because it affects the relationship


And some tips…

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3 easy ways to improve non-‐verbal skills

•  Tone of voice •  Mirror

•  Active listening


Communication tips for women Men Move to solutions and problem solving right away Place value on ability to achieve results Focus on facts & statistics Share stories to “one up” each other Take up physical space

Strategy for Women

à Don’t “process out loud” à Present arguments in a linear way à Watch your language! Facts & figures, “I think…” versus “I feel…” à Get to the point à Don’t allow interruptions à Give conclusion to your argument à Take up space


To conclude: •  Don’t stereotype all men or all women. Use your intuition! •  Observe . Watch and adapt your style to suit the situation

•  Take more space – verbally and physically….But don’t try to “be one of the boys”

– women are often punished for this.

•  Stand strong, confident and calm as a woman between men.


Thank you

Documents

Bridging the gendergap muse 2012