Boys Will Be

8/14/2019 Boys Will Be

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"...You did not just do that."

"So just did. What're you going to do about it, blondie?"

"I'm tempted to introduce my fist to your face. It would be doing your ugly mug afavour, Red."

"Oh, you so know you wouldn't win that one. Don't even go there."

"Going there!"

"Ow, goddamnit, get the fuck off of me! You bony little shit!"

"That's not what your mo--"

"For god's sake, Kurosaki, are you really going to start making your mother jokesat Abarai-kun?" Ishida interrupted, glaring at them with remarkable ferocityconsidering he was busy creating a needlepoint masterpiece while wearing an apron.

"--said last night," Ichigo finished stubbornly, coming alarmingly close tosticking his tongue out at Renji, who shot him a speculative look that said do

that and I might just bite it off, which quickly dissuaded him.

Byakuya was sitting in a corner, clearly traumatized and trying not to listen, butIchigo and Renji were fairly difficult to block out, and so he probably knew morenow about how awesome Halo 3 was than any other death god on the block. Videogames were very much not his forte. He'd tried once about an hour ago, and hadbeen promptly so soundly trounced by his lieutenant he'd nearly diced the gameconsole into unrecognizable plastic shreds. Only interference from all threeothers had saved its life, and it had still been a near miss.

Now he was just meditating, and undoubtedly dreaming up painful ways to kill theOvercaptain for assigning him to protect-- babysit-- Ichigo and Ishida until theywere strong enough to return to Soul Society and fight. They had been going insane

waiting in the real world, unable to do anything but sit and stare about moodily,until Ichigo had suggested the video game idea.

It was clearly the worst idea he had ever had, and that was saying somethingconsidering some of the spectacularly idiotic things he'd done over the pastcouple of years.

"Yeah, well, your mother's so--"

"Dead, and going to kick your ass next time she sees your stupid face in SoulSociety again," Ichigo cut him off, the humour in his eyes dying slightly.

Renji snorted. "Hey, man, you started it. Don't get all huffy if I meet you

halfway."

Ichigo leaned across the couch to stick his face into Renji's, glaring fit tostare a hole right through the redhead. "Fine then. Leaving Mom out of it, that'snot what you said last night."

Byakuya actually looked up from his corner in moderate interest, Ishida made astrangled noise, and Renji apparently forgot how to breathe. He gaped silently atIchigo like a fish out of water, turning steadily redder.

"I thought you said-- what happened to-- what the fuck, Kurosaki."



Ichigo hurtled back across the couch and huddled desperately into the cushions atthe far end. "Everybody pretend you didn't hear that," he yelled, beet-red fromneck to hairline.

"As if I wanted to hear that in the first place," Ishida muttered, nursing thefinger he'd inadvertently jabbed in shock.

Byakuya sat in particularly strained silence and demonstrated impressive restraintby not dismissing Renji as his lieutenant on the spot.

"We were bored," Ichigo muttered. "And there were these--"

"Kurosaki. Say one more word and I will stuff 'those' down your windpipe with myfoot."

Ichigo shut up and picked up his controller. "Can we get back to me kicking yourass at Halo?" he begged weakly.

"Any time, dumbass. You're the one who dropped your controller and freaking jumpedme."

Ishida and Byakuya took a simultaneous deep inhale and held it long enough to makethe world fade a bit. Not nearly enough, but every little bit helped.

"Did you just--"

"Yep. Sure did."

"You know what, Renji? I hate you."

"You know what, Kurosaki? You suck."

"You swallow."

Renji spluttered. "Fucking hell, Kurosaki! Are you trying to get me fired?"

"Maybe."

"You are so going down."

"Ladies first."

Ishida met Byakuya's eyes across the room and they shared a moment ofcommiseration. The world clearly hated the both of them.

"Die, whore!"

"What did you call me?"

"You heard me. Whore."

Ichigo sucked in a deep, wrathful breath. "Slut!"

"Bitch!"

Absolutely, undebatably, hands-down the worst idea ever... but Ishida had toadmit, he hadn't been so entertained for a long time.



An hour later, Byakuya had lost it enough to start laughing, and everything wentdownhill from there.

"Necrophiliac!"

"...Well, true enough, but--"

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Boys Will Be