Attachment and “Discipline”Attachment and “Discipline”

Mike Cerkovnik

Counselor-MICDS

Developmental Psychologist

Introduction Introduction

Why Attachment? Why Now? Why Me? Presenter BiasPersonal Construct Exercise

KierkegaardKierkegaard

"If real success is to attend the effort to bring a person to a definite position....one must first of all take pains to find him where he is and begin there ...This is the secret of helping others...In order to help another effectively I must understand what he understands...If I do not know that, my greater understanding will be of no help to him....Instruction begins when you put yourself in his place so that you may understand what he understands and in the way he understands it."

AgendaAgenda

Major Attachment ThinkersLearning to Trust-Marilyn Watson“Discipline”“Developmental”Resources

VocabularyVocabulary

Attachment is a bi-directional affectional relationship that an infant or child has with a caregiver which is reciprocated by the caregiver.

Bonding is a relationship that a mother develops with her infant in the early days after birth.

Mirror Neurons

The Sociable Brain The Sociable Brain

From Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman: “We are wired to connect”

Companion book to Emotional Intelligence

“The spotlight shifts to those ephemeral moments that emerge as we interact. These take on deep consequence as we realize how, through their sum total, we create one another.”

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Activating the Desire to LearnActivating the Desire to Learn

Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development (ASCD) publication by Bob Sullo

William Glasser’s (1998) Choice Theory suggests four specific needs:

Belonging or Connecting, Power or Competence, Freedom and Fun

Marilyn Watson Learning to Marilyn Watson Learning to TrustTrust

Proactive discipline= co-creating and modeling rules to establishing a positive relationship with each child

Responding in consistent , predictable ways

Chapter 8 “Showing Students How to Compose a Life”

Key points

Key Point 1Key Point 1

Teach students to take charge of their lives by modeling and helping them rehearse successful ways to solve problems and set and monitor personal goals.

Key Point 2Key Point 2

Help students build a positive self-concept by frequently pointing out their real strengths, assuming the best, appealing to their sense of fairness, responsibility, or empathy, and helping them see that their momentary misbehavior is inconsistent with their “real selves.’

• Mel Levine’s emphasis on “strengths and affinities”

Key Point 3Key Point 3

Directly teach skills of self-control such as counting to ten and using self-talk.

Key Point 4Key Point 4

Provide students with enough space to take charge of their lives in the classroom, and help them see that they have the power to do so.

Key Point 5Key Point 5

Talk with students about how life skills they are learning in the classroom can be used in their lives outside of school

Key Point 6Key Point 6

Help students envision their future, understand that there are many ways to construct a successful adult life, and see that successful lives involve challenges and opportunity.

• MSNBC article: Let’s replace High-School Valedictorians

Circle of Courage (Larry Circle of Courage (Larry Brendtro)Brendtro)Belonging (feeling attached, cooperative,

trusting)Independence (inner control, responsible,

self-discipline)Generosity (caring, altruistic, supportive)Mastery (successful,motivated, competent)

BelongingBelonging

Belonging is sharing a part of yourself and meeting the expectations of the community to become a member.

Belonging - Each person is a "relative to all" in the community, to be surrounded with affection and acceptance. Respect for Space

IndependenceIndependence

Independence is creating and working towards your personal goals. It is being responsible for yourself and your actions.

Independence - Each person is encouraged to make responsible decisions through guidance and without coercion.

GenerosityGenerosity

Generosity is using your strengths to give back to community.

Generosity - Each person learns that the highest virtue and mark of courage is to give himself or herself to others

MasteryMastery

Mastery is striving for achievement. It is realizing your personal strengths and how they can help your community, and realizing your weaknesses and doing something about them.

Mastery - Each person is nurtured in success and is taught to celebrate and encourage the success of others. Academic Mastery

Calgary , AlbertaCalgary , AlbertaAlternative High School has adopted the

"Circle of Courage" philosophy which unites the four corners - Belonging, Mastery, Generosity, and Independence - into a cohesive theme that provides guidance for the ideals, values, customs, and traditions of Alternative High School.

BooksBooks

Pathways to Competence:Encouraging Healthy Social and Emotional Development in Children by Sarah Landy

Becoming Attached:First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love by Robert Karen

Building the Bonds of Attachment:Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children by Dan Hughes

General Symptom Patterns of General Symptom Patterns of Poorly Attached Children (D. Poorly Attached Children (D. Hughes)Hughes)

Lack of affective attunement

Excessive shame

Lack of…Lack of…

Joy, humor, reciprocal enjoyment(fun, love), eye contact, selective attachment, empathy, guilt/remorse, appropriate communication, inner state language, cause/effect thinking, awareness of bodily functions, appropriate physical boundaries, continuous sense of self

Excessive ShameExcessive Shame

Excessive need to control, Oppositional Defiant, Intense negative affect: rage/terror/depair, Hurting others and self: emotional/physical, Poor response to discipline, Lies, Excuses, Blaming, Good/Bad splitting, Sense of Entitlement; demanding, Victimhood identity, Destructive, Stealing, Hoarding, Manipulative, Dissociation, Hypervigilance

Mourning (The Least Mourning (The Least Detrimental Alternative) by P. Detrimental Alternative) by P. SteinhauerSteinhauerMourning is the psychological process

initiated by the loss of a loved one, through which a long-standing, selective attachment to that person is gradually undone.

Detachment is the gradual withdrawal of interest, caring and feelings invested in the child’s introject (memory/mental image) of the lost attachment figure.