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Issue No. 169 1st September 2021
All Saints Church, Kingsdon Is pleased to announce a visit on Sunday 10th October
by the world renowned trumpeter and raconteur, Crispian Steele-Perkins, accompanied by the famous organist, Ian le Grice for our entertainment
The afternoon commences at 2.30 P.M.- followed by the famous Kingsdon tea on completion.
There will be a short break at 3.15.
The team will be playing a mix of serious and fun pieces with Crispian interacting around the evolution of the trumpet. The trumpet shall sound, as will our lovely organ once more!
Cost: £15 per head, including tea.
Reserve and book tickets, and pay by cash or card, through the Kingsdon Village shop. More information to follow, but don’t dally too long, as we can only get about 100 in the church. Need to wear masks etc? will be advised closer to the date.
See page 6 for more information on these two amazing musicians
The Kingsdon Afternoon Club Dear Kingsdon residents, you are invited to be guests of The Kingsdon Afternoon Club for Afternoon Tea and cakes at the Village Hall on Wednesday September the 22nd at 3pm The Afternoon Club was estab-lished over 54 years ago and is Kingsdon's longest surviving club and continues to offer, in its true sense, a village community organisation
We invite new and non members alike to join us in our monthly meetings and enjoy speakers with varied and in-teresting topics. Meetings in the Village Hall take place on the fourth Wednesday of each month at 3pm and last for just over an hour with time for tea and biscuits and for friends to have a chat. So please come along to our Afternoon Tea and cakes event and help to renew and make new friendships and enjoy and strengthen again our renowned community village spirit now that Covids on the back foot.
Kind Regards to all, Richard South, Chairman, Philida Winsor and Julie South.
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Kingsdon Table Tennis Club
The Table Tennis Club meet in the Village Hall on Tues-day evenings between 7.30pm and 9.30pm.
If you are interested then please contact: Nina Carlisle Tel: 01935 8400933
or email [email protected].
or just come along.
All Saints Church, Kingsdon.
Priest in Charge: Revd Alan Symonds Tel/Fax 01458 272029 (For arrangement of Baptisms, Weddings and other occasional services)
Church Warden: Vacant
Parochial Church Council: Secretary: Chris Taylor Tel 01935 841402 Treasurer: Tony Steele-Perkins 01935 840184
Tower Captain: Jackie Ellis Tel 01935 840344
Sunday 5th September 9.30am Holy Communion Charlton M. Patronal Rev Alan Symonds / Jenny Gallop 11am Somerton Rev Alan Symonds
Sunday 12th September 9.30am Kingsdon Rev Alan Symonds
Sunday 19th September 9.30am Holy Communion Charlton Adam John Greed 11am Holy Communion Somerton Rev Alan Symonds
Sunday 26th September 9:30am Kingsdon Jenny Gollop 11 am Somerton - Rev Alan Symonds
Kingsdon Cricket Club Trustees : Ben Carlisle, Mike Davies, Richard South Chairman : Phil Waters Treasurer: : Simon Rumbles Fixtures Sec. : Ben Carlisle Team Selection : Phil Waters Ground Maintenance : Ben Carlisle, Mike Davies Team Captain & Secretary : TBA All appointees temporary pending AGM , probably in the Autumn after we see how things go!
Kingsdon Afternoon Club
The Afternoon Club meet on the 4th Wednesday of the month at 3pm in the Village Hall. New members (any age) are always welcome. For information contact Richards South Tel: 840912 Email: [email protected]
Kingsdon Boule & Croquet Club
Members meet at the Cricket Ground every Thursday for two sessions between 1.30 and 5pm with a break for tea
and cake’ The club welcomes new members. Taster sessions in boules or croquet are available too and
can be arranged on other days/evenings to suit.
For more information contact:- Nina Carlisle 01935 840933
email [email protected] Sally Smith 07729 301207; Phyl Winsor 01935 840384
Kingsdon Knitting Club (Knitting for Good Causes)
The Knitters meet on the second Saturday of the month at 10.30am to midday in the Community Shop. For information please contact: Linda Rumbles 01935 840132 or Babs Conway 01935 841811
The Kingsdon Jubilee Fund Trustees
Chairman: Andy Fryer, Secretary: Martin Gilmore,
Treasurer: Tim Taylor, Trustees: Alec & Carol Anderson, Ian Dibben,
Mark Freeman, & James Carver
Kingsdon Village Hall (Registered Charity No. 304570)
Trustees: Marilyn Elliott ( Chair) David Thomson (Secretary) Ian Dibben (Treasurer) Guy Osborne, Tim Owen.
For all information (except bookings) contact: - David Thomson, Park Farmhouse, Lower Rd. Kingsdon TA11 7LL Tel:01935 841453
For bookings contact Marilyn Elliott, 4 Manor Close, Kingsdon, TA11 7LW Tel 01935 841444 Email [email protected]
Village Hall Bookings for September 3rd Fri 6pm –9pm Puppy Training
6th Mon 7.30pm – 9.30pm Short Mat Bowls 7th Tue 10am - 12 Short Mat Bowls 7th Tue 7.30pm - 9.30pm Table Tennis 8th Wed 7pm Yeovil Canine Soc. 9th Thur 7.30pm K. P.C. Meeting 10th Fri 6pm –9pm Puppy Training 11th Sat All day Private Function 13th Mon 7.30pm – 9.30pm Short Mat Bowls 14th ue 10am - 12 Short Mat Bowls 14th Tue 7.30pm - 9.30pm Table Tennis 15th Wed 10am - 4pm P.S.G. 15th Wed 7pm Yeovil Canine Soc. 17th Fri 6pm –9pm Puppy Training 20th Mon 7.30pm – 9.30pm Short Mat Bowls 21st Tue 10am - 12 Short Mat Bowls 21st Tue 7.30pm - 9.30pm Table Tennis 22nd Wed 3pm K. Afternoon Club 22nd Wed 7pm Yeovil Canine Soc 24th Fri 6pm –9pm Puppy Training 27th Mon 7.30pm – 9.30pm Short Mat Bowls 28th Tue 10am - 12 Short Mat Bowls 28th Tue 7.30pm - 9.30pm Table Tennis 29th Wed 7pm Yeovil Canine Soc
Kingsdon Knitting Club
The sun shone down on us at our August meeting helping to make it a very relaxed and happy meeting, It was great to see so many ladies and to welcome Linda, Michelle and Diana who joined us for the first time.
The morning was very productive and we are now busy knitting and crocheting flowers for the church gate arch and the porch If any one would like wool or patterns for flowers we have these, also a few knitting needles, just let Babs know on 841811.
Please note the change of date for the September meeting, this is now Saturday, 4th September at 10.30a.m. During this meeting we will discuss how we can meet during the cooler months, depending on the Covid situation.
We look forward to seeing you on the 4th, in the meantime.......keep knitting. Linda Page 3
From the Vicarage
I have been pondering recently the question “Is our society becoming more selfish?” This has been caused partly by a visit by car to London and an assessment of driving styles. In a short-time I saw some shocking examples of impatience and competitiveness. Coupled with that are the numbers of interviews on the news in which inter-viewees seem to believe that their rights or desires are somehow more important than other peoples. My “right” to go abroad for a holiday is one example and a certain carelessness with regard to protecting others through in-fection control is another.
I read an article in the summer which related to the “prince and princess syndrome” which describes adults who have grown up expecting only the good things in life and that they are more important than others, a sign perhaps of over indulgent parents. The article suggested that they would struggle more with setbacks, when things go wrong, and lockdown when they would be prevented from doing what they wanted to do and would rebel con-vinced it was their right.
Over the last eighteen months we have seen some marvellous examples of unselfish giving by individuals of time and effort and I am glad that in many quarters that is continuing. Individuals quietly supporting their neighbours without making a fuss about it. NHS and school staff still putting in the extra hours needed at the moment. So maybe it is simply a matter of visibility?
In any situation it is easy to focus on those who shout loudest, or are most obvious, and to believe they are indic-ative of the rest of the people. But the truth often lies in the opposite direction. One of the things which we can learn from the pandemic is that we all have a part to play in our society for its health and wellbeing. Whether that is taking steps to protect others or whether that is actively working for the good of others, we each bring gifts and skills and have the ability to transform our neighbourhood in a positive way if we choose to do so.
So, is our society becoming more selfish? Only if we let it. We cannot change the behaviour of others but we can certainly make sure that our own is worthy in every respect.
Every blessing Alan Symonds
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Dear Furry Friends,
Rocky has Kennel cough, we are not sure where he has picked it up from as he hasn't left the village for a couple of weeks, but be warned the vet says it is rampant at the mo and as you know very contiguous. Obviously, he has always kept up with all his jabs so hopefully he will not become too unwell. We will still be lone walking him and keeping him away from any of his other furry friends but if you do happen to see us walking, my advice is to stay clear. He is now isolated from his friends for a week.
Many Thanks. Sally & Steve Clapperton
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Musicians at All Saints Church Crispian Steele-Perkins
Crispian Steele-Perkins began playing the trumpet at the age of 10 and, after training at the Guildhall School of Music in London, he became a member of the English National Opera, the Royal Philhar-monic Orchestra and the English Chamber Orches-tra.
As a soloist Crispian’s purity of tone and artistic subtlety have received widespread critical acclaim for more than four decades. On 10th October 2015 the BBC's CD Review concluded that, of all the available recordings of Haydn's famous Trumpet Concerto worldwide, his is 'the one to have'.
Crispian collects and restores antique trumpets upon which he has performed and recorded with The Academy of Ancient Music, The Kings Con-
sort and The English Baroque Soloists. Appropriately, he plays the theme tune to one of the BBC’s longest-running and most popular TV programmes, the Antiques Roadshow.
Described by Virtuoso magazine as ‘the world's leading exponent of the Baroque Trumpet’, particularly when heard in duet with some of the world's greatest singers such as Kiri te Kanawa, Emma Kirkby, John Tomlinson and Bryn Terfel, he has also recorded with popular artists including Led Zeppelin, Kate Bush, Lulu, Cliff Richard, Bob Geldof and Harry Secombe. In addition, he has performed on numerous TV scores for shows including, amongst many others, Dr Who, Oliver Twist, The World at War, Inspector Morse and Tales of the Unexpected.
In the world of cinema he has participated in more than 80 classic scores such as Jaws, Gandhi, Star Wars Epi-sode IV, Batman, Monty Python’s Life of Brian, Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers and no less than six films from the James Bond series.
Whilst his numerous solo recordings extend from Handel to Glenn Miller, he has featured regularly as a concert soloist in London at the Royal Albert Hall and the Royal Festival Hall, New York’s Carnegie Hall, Boston’s Symphony Hall, the Sydney Opera House and Tokyo’s Suntory Hall. His largest 'live' audience was 133,000 at the Edinburgh International Festival.
Ian le Grice Ian le Grice’s career embraces all aspects of organ playing: concerto performances, solo recitals, recitals with singers and instrumentalists, continuo playing, orchestral work and the accompaniment of church services. For 30 years he was assistant organist of the Temple Church and is currently organist of Rei-gate St. Mary’s Choir School, accompanist to the Saint Cecilia Chorus and Croydon Philharmonic Choir of which he is a Vice President. He has held teaching posts at the Royal College of Music, Trinity College of Music and the University of Reading.
In 1957 Ian le Grice joined the Temple Church choir as a treble becoming in time head chorister and a principal soloist. He subsequently assisted four Di-rectors of Music at the Temple: George Thalben-
Ball, John Birch, Stephen Layton and James Vivian and played the organ for the world premiere of the late John Tavener’s “Veil of the Temple” in 2003 conducted by Stephen Layton.
Since 2005 Ian le Grice has collaborated with trumpeter Crispian Steele-Perkins to present recitals which have taken them to many parts of the country. Their aim is to share good music with people in an informal setting.
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Captain James Masters MBE 28th June 1928 ~ 12th April 2020
Interment of Ashes The interment of Jim’s ashes is to take place on Saturday 9th October at 11am in All Saints Churchyard, Kingsdon. This will be a short service conducted by Rev Alan Symonds followed by light refreshments at the Ilchester Arms
If you would like to attend this final farewell to a dear friend of Kingsdon and a brave old soldier, please let me know so I can give Angela, Jim’s daughter, numbers for catering.
Many in Kingsdon were saddened to hear the news that former Kingsdon resident Jim Masters had passed away on 12th April after being infected with the coronavirus
Jim moved from his cottage here in Kingsdon to the Old Vicarage Care Home near Coniston, to be close to his daughter, Angela. Before leaving Jim wrote a farewell message to all in Kingsdon.
Dear All I am being taken up North to see out my final years! It happens to us all eventually, except moving North! Kingsdon is a wonderful place to live and I will miss it all. Thanks for all the happy years - I am sad to be going but that’s life. I will return from time to time because my darling wife is still here. I want to return to join her when my time is up.
Best wishes Jim
Jim had risked his life in the fight against the deadly Ebola Disease in Africa only to fall years later to the deadly Coronavirus
Jim’s cremation was on 20th April 2020. Now we are nearly back to normal Jim’s ashes will be returned to Kingsdon and interred next to his wife, Joan in Kingsdon Churchyard
Miche & Ken Eagle
Formerly of 1 Cary Way wish to inform you all that they have now moved out of Kingsdon to be closer to their family and want to wish you a warm “Farewell”
Thank you for kindness over the past 5 1/2 years. Best wishes. Miche & Ken
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Alert - Vaccine Passport Scams Action Fraud has received over 700 reports from members of the public about fake emails purporting to be from the NHS. The emails claim to be able to provide people with a “digital passport” that “proves you have been vaccinated against COVID-19”. These emails are fake, and the links within them lead to genuine-looking websites that steal your personal and financial information.
How to protect yourself:
In the UK, coronavirus vaccines will only be available via the National Health Services of England, Northern Ire-land, Wales and Scotland. You can be contacted by the NHS, your employer, a GP surgery or pharmacy local to you, to receive your vaccine. Remember, the vaccine is free of charge. At no point will you be asked to pay.
The NHS will never ask you for your bank account or card details.
The NHS will never ask you for your PIN or banking passwords.
The NHS will never arrive unannounced at your home to administer the vaccine.
The NHS will never ask you to prove your identity by sending copies of personal documents such as your passport, driving licence, bills or pay slips.
Your vaccination status can be obtained for free through the official NHS app, NHS website, or by calling the NHS on 119.
How to report scams:
If you receive a call you believe to be fraudulent, hang up. If you are suspicious about an email you have received, you can report it by forwarding the email to: [email protected].
Suspicious text messages can also be reported by forwarding them to the number: 7726 (it’s free of charge).
If you believe you are the victim of a fraud, please report this to Action Fraud as soon as possible by calling 0300 123 2040 or visiting www.actionfraud.police.uk
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Ruth and Beverley would very much like to thank all those who helped support our recent Breast Cancer charity afternoon tea held in the village hall. So many helped by baking delicious cakes and scones, but it was also very nice to see a healthy turn out which in turn allowed villagers to have a good catch up and chat as we emerge, hopefully, from lockdown. We would especially like to thank all the kind donations from both those who attended and also those who couldn’t attend but still gave so generously to a worthy cause. It was a fantastic effort from all in the village and we managed to raise
which we think you will agree was a huge success. Many thanks once again for help on the day but even more so for your kind and very generous donations.
Ruth, Beverley, Dawn & Eleanor Page 9
A GARDEN OF REMEMBRANCE by Peter Crowter
The garden at thirty-two Kingsdon, through the eyes of a six year old boy,. Was a place full of wonder and magic and a wonderful place to enjoy. The lawn was all curvy and lumpy and boasted an ash tree quite tall, Well I thought it was but remember, at six I was really quite small.
But most of the trees in the garden, bore apples and pears and some plums, Some of the apples were cider, not suited for little boys tums,
But after some bitter surprises, the sweet ones I very soon found, Aunt Olive said, ‘Please do not pick them, you may eat the ones on the ground.’
There was a Victoria plum tree, that grew up against a stone wall, The ruby red fruit looked delicious, how I wished that a ripe one would fall.
An older boy outside the garden, looked over the wall and he said, ‘Pick one of them plums, no one’s looking’, and sadly I did what he said.
But sweet Aunty Olive was watching, the boy disappeared in a trice, I was ashamed and so sorry, Aunt Olive was so very nice.
The lavatory was in the garden, where everyone went for a pee, And standing a few feet above it, was growing a tall apple tree,
Suspended from one of the branches, a swing many children had used, For years who can say just how many, those children it had kept amused.
If someone was using the toilet, we’d swing very vigorously, And on the tin roof would fall apples, we’d then have a giggle and flee.
Rasberries grew in the garden, and there was a strawberry bed, To taste one or two was permitted, but we had to carefully tread.
As well as the fruit in the garden, there were lots of vegetables too, The peas always looked quite inviting, but we knew that they were taboo.
As well as the lav in the garden, there were other sheds dotted about, Sometimes we were allowed in them, sometimes we had to stay out. A woodshed was really essential, to keep all the logs nice and dry , And there was a hutch for the rabbits, for pets, not to put in a pie.
One day one had some naked babies, and then we were told ‘keep away’. They said that she might eat her babies, and so we made sure to obey
In one shed were saws used for woodwork, lathes, files and chisels as well. There were dead flies and spiders and cobwebs, and a rather peculiar smell.
Rakes, hoes and spades for the garden, trays of potatoes for seed, Flower pots and mowers and clippers , all things that a gardener might need.
Some of the stuff was just rubbish, boxes and odd bits of wood, I s’pose they thought they might be useful, we thought that they weren’t any good.
We spent many hours in that garden, it was such a great place to play, I wonder if I’d recognise it, I expect it’s all different today.
The Kingsdon Chronicle
The Kingsdon Chronicle is an independent journal published monthly and is financed by voluntary donation. Cheques pay-able to ‘The Kingsdon Chronicle’ The Kingsdon Chronicle welcomes correspondence from its readers If you wish me to publish an article, please email your request with the details or send it in writing. Requesting publication you are agreeing your article can be published on the Kingsdon website at: http://www.kingsdon.org/kingsdon-chronicle/ Please ensure I acknowledge receipt. Contributed letters and articles printed in The Kingsdon Chronicle do not necessarily reflect the views of The Kingsdon Chronicle production team. The editor will assume that all material supplied is original, or from copyright free sources. (It is the contributor’s responsibility to gain any necessary permissions and to provide acknowledg-ments).” Editor: Wallace Elliott, 4 Manor Close, Kingsdon. TA11 7LW Tel 01935 841444, Mobile 07990673935, Email: [email protected] www.kingsdon.org/kingsdon-chronicle/
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Wookey Hole Away 2.00
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Guest Teams 2pm John Tuck Memorial Away Huish
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Cllr. Brian Payne Vice-Chairman
Email: [email protected] Westgate, Top St. Kingsdon TA11 7JU
Tel: 01935 842058 (Former school field Parish Council) link)
[email protected] [email protected]
[email protected] Tel 07899790713
Allotment & Church Link
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 07815898065 (Trees)
South Somerset District Council - Planning Applications
Application No.: 21/01389/LBC Applicant Name: Ian & Lucy Dibben Proposal: Preventative structural work to the wall and roof to stop movement and preserve the long term integrity of the building Location: 27 North Town Kingsdon Somerton TA11 7LF Application Status: Awaiting decision Application No.: 21/02389/LBC & 21/02388/HOU Applicant Name: Ian & Lucy Dibben Proposal: Single-storey rear extension and external boiler.
Location: 27 North Town Kingsdon Somerton TA11 7LF Application Status: Awaiting decision
Application No: 21/01510/HOU Applicant: Becky Thompson Proposal: The erection of a single storey rear extension and loft conversion including raising of ridge height and the construction of a dormer window Location: Heron View, Underwood Road, Kingsdon, Somerton TA11 7LF Application Status Application Permitted with Conditions Application No. 21/02088/LBC Applicant Mrs Elizabeth Newsam Proposal: The carrying out of internal and external alterations to listed dwelling Location: 26 North Town Kingsdon Somerton TA11 7LF. Application Status: Awaiting Decision Application No. 21/02274/HOU Applicant Ian & Carolyn Fordham Proposal: Replacement of glazed roof with a balcony accessed from the first floor bedroom Location: The Old Coach House Top Street Kingsdon Somerton TA11 7JU . Application Status: Awaiting Decision Application No. 21/02353/S73 Applicant Mr O. Barnard Proposal: S73 application to vary condition 2 (approved plans) of approval 20/01593/FUL (The erection of . 2 No detached single storey dwellings) to allow for change in design and rooms in the roof. Location: Land Adjacent Keepers Cottage Pitts Lane Kingsdon Somerton TA11 7LL . Application Status: Awaiting Decision
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Local, wild and fresh Game and Venison
all butchered and packaged to order
Call direct on 07929526636 - provided by Bejay
Venison Prices
NEW AND NOW AVALIABLE!! venison sausages (6 to a pack) £5 venison burgers (4 to a pack) £5
500g venison mince £4
(perfect as a healthier choice instead of beef, much lower fat and wonderful for spag bowl, lasagne or just simple home-made burgers)
500g stewing steak £3.50 (cooked for hours in the slow cooker, enjoyed with mash and veg or used for a pie filling)
Pack of 2 haunch steak £6 (similar cut to beef sirloin and cooked the exact same)
Pack of 2 fillet steak £10 (the best of the best, cooked medium/rare)
Small haunch joint £8 (perfect as a roast for 2, cooked pink with all the trimmings)
Large haunch joint £12 (just right for a family of 4, cooked pink just like you would treat beef)
Pack of 2 hocks £5 (best in the slow cooker just as you would a lamb shank)
Whole butchered and packaged carcass £100 Includes -
2-3 kg mince 1.5-2.5kg stewing steak
6 fillet steaks, or whole fillets 4-6 haunch steaks
2 hocks 4 small roasting joints or 2 large
Other cuts and joints available to order and priced accordingly
Bundle boxes
1 pack of fillet steak 1 pack haunch steak
2x 500g mince £22
2 stewing steak 2x 500g mince
2 small roasting joint £25
1 large joint 2 packs of haunch steak
3x 500g mince 2x 500g stewing steak
£35 Page 13
I can remember when air was free at the petrol station. Now it’s 20p. You know why? —- Inflation. The right side of the brain controls the left hand side of the body. And the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body. Does that mean that left handed people, are the only people in their right mind? Two Irish guys Pat and Mick grow up together in Dublin, but after college one moves to New York and the other to Washington. They agree to meet every ten years back in Dublin to play golf and catch up with each other. At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where you wanna go?" "Finnigan’s." "Why Finni-gan’s?" "They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs." "You're on." At age 42, they meet and play golf again "Where you wan-na go for lunch?" "Finnigan’s." "Again? Why?" "They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games." "OK." At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?" "Finnigan’s." "Why?" "The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking." "OK." At age 62 they meet again. After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?" "Finnigan’s." "Why?" "Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy." "Good choice" At age 72 they meet again. Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?" "Finnigan’s." "Why?" "They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts." "Great choice." At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?" "Finnigan’s." "Why?" "Because we've never been there before." “Okay, let’s give it a try." I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet. I said, "Yes, I’ve got a dog." She asked, "Would you like to insure him too?" I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!" So, I said to the doctor "I think these last tablets you gave me are the wrong ones." The doctor peered over his glass-es and asked, "why do you think that?" "Because I keep veering to the left and then veering to the right!" .... "Oh" he says ... "they're just side effects!" A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morn-ing for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been wait-ing for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my oph-thalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
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Satnav – An old poem by Pam Ayres.
I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car. A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are. I have a little Satnav, i've had it all my life. It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife. It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive "It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five". It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake. It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene. It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear. And taking this into account, it specifies my gear. I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device. For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice. It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught. So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed. It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff, I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off. Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help. She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens. "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?" "Easy," replies the soldier, "These are my khakis". I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet. I said, "Yes, I’ve got a dog." She asked, "Would you like to insure him too?" I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!" A red ship and a blue ship have collided at sea. All the sailors are marooned. Two little Belfast boys stole a load of apples from a neigh-bours apple tree. They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, they dropped two apples, but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough. A few minutes later, a drunk, on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you." He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest. "Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.” They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice contin-ued: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you." Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: "What about the two at the gate?" You've never seen 2 people running so fast!
NEW store now open in Wincanton!
We are pleased to announce our new showroom is now open in Wincanton, Somerset.
At the moment we will be there Sundays and Monday's 10 am - 4 pm and other times by appointment.
Due to stock availability still being very tricky, some items will be shared with Basingstoke so if there is something, in particular, you are after, please contact us to make sure we
have it available in the right place for you.
If you would like to book an appointment at Wincanton call 01963 824700 / 07771 927354 or email [email protected]
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LOGS FOR SALE
Well Seasoned Hardwood Logs
for Sale
Free Delivery in Kingsdon
Contact: Austin Tel 07879690941
Runner Duck
Pet & Poultry Supplies Ltd
Unit 16 Cary Court, Somerton Business Park, Bancombe Road, Somerton, Somerset, UK TA11 6SB
Tel: 01458 898020
Whether your pet be big or small, we will do our best to cater for all..
Garden Compost
Organic Compost Delivered to Kingsdon
4 x 40 litre bags only £12 - Phone Paul Attwell on 07523 739789
for details and order your compost
Simon Whatley Plumbing & Heating
Glebelands, Bineham Lane, Yeovilton, Yeovil, Somerset. BA22 8EZ
Tel: 07794 784108
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