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2/28/13
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A CULTURE OF GENTLENESS…IT IS MORE THAN BEING KIND
Deirdre Mercer – The Center for Positive Living Supports
What is your role?
You are the heart and soul of it all ! You are a mentor You are a teacher
You are an advocate You are a skill builder You are a hope giver
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What does a Culture of Gentleness Mean?
A guiding foundation for services
Who we are as leaders/clinicians/caregivers
Built on a foundation of healthy and supportive relationships
Proactive vs. Reactive
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What does a Culture of Gentleness Mean ?
Changing ourselves vs. changing the other
Based on core values that all of us need to feel safe and valued
A culture rather than a technique or training
What does a Culture of Gentleness need?
To be evident at all levels
To address a foundation of safe and valued for all shareholders
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What does a Culture of Gentleness need ?
To honor our past and help guide our future
A willingness to look at what is working and what is not
Reasons for Disconnectedness
Trauma Histories and memories
Condition/disability
Culture of system Limited opportunities for meaningful relationships
Conditional valuing
Our Words – Can Convey
Demands
Old memories
Impatience
Fear
Intolerance
Loathing
Hopelessness
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Our Words – Should Convey
Encouragement
Nurturing
Safety
Unconditional Value
P Patience
Warmth
Our Eyes – Can Convey
Fear
Intolerance
Hopelessness
Coldness
Demand
Distain
Impatience
Our Eyes – Should Convey
Hope
Patience
Warmth
Softness
Value
Goodness
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Our Touch – Can Convey
Demand
Fear
Intolerance
Abuse/Neglect
Old memories
Impatience
Our Touch – Should Convey
Safety
Warmth
Goodness Patience
Tolerance
Help
Encouragement
Value
Our Presence – Can Convey
Fear
Loneliness Demand
Intolerance
Confusion
Remembrances of loss
Intrusion
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Our Presence – Should Convey
Everything will be all right
Safety Warmth
Joy
Hope
Welcoming
6 Key Elements
Safe and Valued
Must begin here Examine indicators of Identify precursors to Discuss trauma and history
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Safe + Valued = TRUST
Positive Interactions
Any form of positive interaction
We all need more when we are fragile
Need high level to overcome past trauma
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Positive Interactions
Gauge is how it is perceived by the other
Demands
Demands A request of the person (questions, statements,
directions, our presence combination of all)
Environmental Demands
Not tolerated well if foundation of safe & loved is weak
Not about intellectual ability, learning or responsibility
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Demands
As perceived by the other
Can be subtle
Weaving in demands when relationships strengthens
Recognizing the ebb and flow
Structure
Structure
Everyone has a need for structure and predictability
Needs to be visual
Different from knowing their routine
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Structure
Increases a sense of “safety”
Provides a guide for caregivers
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Structure
Should be flexible
Utilization needs to be mentored
Can be used to reduce demands
Transitions
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Transitions
Switching gears
Can increase fear and anxiety
Can be small or large
Need to anticipate and adjust supports
Transitions
How well we plan for, support and structure can effect how successful
we are
Can effect foundation of safe and loved
Opportunities for
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To effect good change ……
Ways to Incorporate the 6 Elements
Understand how they work together
Train/Mentor care givers
Complete baseline assessment
Develop goals and outcomes (multi leveled)
Ways to Incorporate the 6 Elements
Start small
Discuss at every staff meeting
Debrief major incidents
Managers apply elements to care givers
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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they never will forget how you made them feel.”
Maya Angelou
Thank You !!!!!
Deirdre Mercer Senior Training Consultant (586)263-8702
www.positivelivingsupport.org
