What is Love?Baby don’t hurt me …

Hello My Babies

I miss you. I’m sorry I’m away today. I will be back tomorrow. You will find instructions on the next slide. If you have questions, you can email me or get Izzet to text me.

Make sure you do this assignment first. If you have time afterward, you can do your personal ad from last class (see the Relationships Power Point for instructions). You can put a picture of yourself on it if you’d like too to make it like a real personal ad.

INSTRUCTIONS:

Follow the PowerPoint and Answer the questions from the WORD document.

You can print it out and write out the answers by hand our you can type them out.

When you are done either give them to the teacher or email them to me nicolette.dirks@7oaks.org.

Loving and Liking Love is essential for human survival. Self love is an important basis for self-

esteem. Eight qualities of friendship include:

› Enjoyment› Acceptance› Trust› Respect› Mutual support› Confiding› Understanding› Honesty

Loving and Liking

Love includes the eight qualities of friendship plus:› Sexual desire› Priority over other relationships› Caring to the point of great self-

sacrifice

What is Love?

Love is multifaceted and has many dimensions.

Love is based on respect. Love is often demanding and may be

neither exciting nor thrilling. Rules of attraction are governed from

an early age by socialization.

Functions of Love and Loving

Love ensures human survival. Love prolongs life. Love enhances physical health. Love improves the quality of our lives. Love is fun.

A Global View

Evidence of romantic love has been found in 89% of 166 different cultures, which makes it a “near-universal” human phenomenon.

In many countries, arranged marriages are the norm because respect for parents’ wishes, family traditions, and kin group are more important than romantic love.

How Couples Change: Romantic and Long-term Love

Characteristics of romantic love include:› Lovers find it impossible to work, study, or do

anything but think about the beloved.› Their moods fluctuate wildly.› They find it impossible to believe they could ever

love again.› They fantasize about how their partners will

declare their love.› They are willing to sacrifice anything for love.› Their love is “blind” and they idealize each other.› They believe in love at first sight, and in fate.

How Couples Change: Romantic and Long Term Love

Characteristics of long lasting love include:› Lasting love is more complicated than romantic

love.› Long term love is altruistic (putting the other first).› Love changes over time.› Long term love grows and develops, whereas

romantic love is immature.› Companionate love is more common in long term

relationships.› Demographic variables play a role in sustaining

love.

Romantic and Long Term Love

Love vs. Infatuation

- “Love at first sight” is not love.

- Infatuation: a passion not based on reason; being in love with love.

Love vs. Infatuation

Grows slowly Long lasting Trust More realistic More thoughtful

Happens quickly Short-lived Physical thrills Jealousy Rush to marry

Theories about LoveBiological and Sociological

Theories about Love

Biological perspectives argue that love is grounded in evolution, biology, and chemistry. The focus is on physiological responses caused by natural amphetamines in the body.

WATCH THE VIDEO but PUT IN HEAD PHONES if you have them.

Helen Fischer - Love and the Brain Sociological perspectives claim that

culture is key to love.

Theories about Love

Sociological theories include:› Attachment theory› Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Love› Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love› Lee’s Styles of Loving› Exchange theory

Theories about Love

Attachment theory › suggests our primary motivation is to be

connected with other people. › Researchers have identified three attachment

styles and the percent who fit them: secure - easy to get close to others and

comfortable in interdependent relationships (56%)

avoidant - somewhat uncomfortable being close to others (24%)

anxious/ambivalent - others are reluctant to get as close as s/he would like (20%)

Wheel Theory of Love

Four stages of love Rapport - rests on mutual trust and

respect Self-revelation - sharing intimate

information Mutual dependency - developing

interdependence Personality need fulfillment -

developing emotional exchange and support

Reiss’s Wheel Theory of the Development of Love

Theories about Love

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love has three elements.› Intimacy› Passion› Decision/

commitment Different degrees of

the three elements form different types of love relationships.

Triarchic Model of Love

Three aspects of love (Sternberg, 1986):

Intimacy: Closeness two people feel psychologically, how well partners understand each other.

Passion: The amount of physical/sexual attraction and romance.

Commitment: The cognitive factors such as the decision to maintain the relationship.

Theories about Love

Lee’s Styles of Loving› Eros is the love of beauty and usually

encompasses a powerful physical attraction.› Mania is obsessive love characterized by jealousy,

possessiveness and dependency.› Ludus is carefree and casual love that is playful.› Storge is peaceful, affectionate love that focuses

on mutual trust and respect.› Agape is altruistic love which is self-sacrificing,

kind and patient.› Pragma is practical love which is sensible and

realistic.

Theories about Love Exchange theory

› focuses on the costs and rewards to each person in a relationship.

› is useful for explaining how love relationships change over time. adolescence: Love is usually intense and

self-centered, romantic love is short-lived adulthood: perception of costs and rewards

change, for example, nurturing and patience may outweigh looks

later life: moral values, personality, and good humor may take precedence

Ladder of Love Mature love for

others Love for children Love for the

opposite (or same) sex

Love for someone the same sex, older

Love for same sex friend

Love of peers Love of other

relatives Love for secondary

caregiver / entertainer

Love of Nurturer Self-love

Love for humankind, very unselfish love.

Unselfish love with ability to love without expecting anything in return.

B egins with interest in the others and continues throughout life.

Role model and exemplified what you wanted to become.

Close friend of the same age and sex.

Other children of same age. Love of a relative which brought a

special sense of security. This person met your needs and

cared for you. Who kept you happy Your primary caregiver. Until you love yourself, you cannot

truly love another.

Types of Love Romantic Love

› Puppy Love Sexual Love

› The intimate expression of love.

Pragmatic Love› A rational, reasoning kind

of love. Platonic Love

› The spiritual and intellectual relationship between a man and a woman.

Companionship Love› A love typically found

in good friendships. Altruistic Love

› Selfless love or concern for the spouse.

Manic Love› A crazy, possessive,

jealous kind of love. Self-Love

› An egotistic, narcissistic kind of love.

Lust and Love

Lust and Love› Sexual arousal is a physiological

response. › Sexual desire is a psychological

state. › Sexual desire and/or arousal may

or may not lead to romantic love.