EQ

The Power of Neutral

Emotional Intelligence

To review, Emotional Intelligence (EQ), is our ability to perceive, understand and manage our emotions and feelings.

Our beliefs about ourselves in great part forms the foundation of our emotional intelligence. Until recently we all thought these beliefs and thoughts were pretty much set and unchangeable.

But current research is proving that we can change our ‘brain patterns’ by changing our behavior (this is called neuroplasticity), and therefore change our thoughts.

Re-Framing

We can begin to ‘re-frame’ the way we look at ourselves, and our beliefs about ourselves and others --- by changing our behavior --- which then changes the neuropathways in our brains, so that the new behaviors we practice can permanently change the way we think about ourselves.

An excellent way to take advantage of this breakthrough begins with examining our current interpretation and response to our experiences.

Experiences• We have all heard the adage, perception

is reality. Simply put, it means that what we experience and what we feel, we interpret as reality, or fact (see illustration on the next slide).

• Then, when we recall the event, we often recall how we interpreted the event or situation through the ‘lens’ of our perception.

• Obviously, this can be problematic because others who were part of the experience may not recall the event the way we do.

Event Experience/Perception Emotional Reaction = Reality/Fact

Experience Sequence

EQ: Self-Awareness

• Developing our EQ can help us be responsive and proactive vs. reactive during highly charged situations.

• We do this by being self-aware during our experience. Self-Awareness means neutrally noticing what is going on, being curious about what is going on, allowing our emotions to express themselves but not dominate or ‘color’ our perceptions.

• In this way we can have a response and recollection of the experience that is more balanced and accurate (see illustration on next slide).

Event

NoticingNeutrally

Noticing w/ Curiosity

Experience

Emotional Response

Integrated/Balanced Response

Preferred Experience Sequence

Why Is This Important?

• Our emotional ‘hooks’ or ‘triggers’ are often set up early in life

• We don’t always know we are carrying them

• They can become a ‘lens’, that may color our reactions in situations i.e. this simply means if we don’t maintain neutrality and curiosity – we may see injury and insult when none was intended.

Events Are Neutral

• Events are exactly what you may expect - - something happens.

• We often say that events are good or bad, but events, in themselves are not bad or good.

• Rain is a natural process to help plants grow but when it affects us we often attribute good or bad to it e.g. rain is good in a drought, bad at a picnic… the rain didn’t change, how we looked at it did.

Thinking about EventsTry this:

1. Recount what happened during the event factually.

2. Notice what emotions you may be having without making it mean that anyone involved intended to hurt you – keep feeling the emotion, just don’t let it control you!

3. Think about the situation with curiosity and an open mind

4. Now….you are ready to think or do the next thing!

Actually noticing and staying neutral can allow us to truly ‘hear’ someone and to not damage ourselves with our worst fears This shift

makes you a proactive participant in your EQ story

The Power of Neutral

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