Value Centered Parenting - Conference...

Value Centered Parenting:Raising Successful Children

in an Uncertain World

Joe Ackerson, Ph.D.Pediatric Neuropsychologist

(205) 823-2373jackerson@ackersonandassociates.com

Formula for Success

Know your child Instill purpose and pride Develop successful habits Establishing priorities Discipline according to “Value Centered

Parenting.”

Understanding Context of Behavior

Environmental influences on development is crucial

Understanding the child means understanding the context

Family, school, friends, culture, & faith all bring something to the table.

Early Brain Development

Behavioral development reflects interaction between neurology (brain) and context (environment)

Brain development is dependent upon both experience and genetics

The brain has a great deal of plasticity and can recover over time, but is also highly vulnerable during the early years.

Brain development

Growth of the brain occurs from the inside out and the bottom up

You are born with 100 billion brain cells

There are 15,000 synaptic connections for each cell

Early Experiences are Crucial

By age 3, 80% of synaptic connections are already made

By the second decade of life growth levels off and pruning begins

Experiences influence the wiring of an child’s brain

Early Care Experiences

Children thrive when they receive warm, responsive care

Early care has a decisive, long lasting impact on how people develop, their ability to learn, and their capacity to regulate their own emotions

Nature vs. Nurture

During the first 10 years of life the brain is twice as active as that of an adult’s

60% of nutrition is used by the brain during the first year of life. This decreases to 30% by age 3

Genetic and environmental factors have a more dynamic, qualitative interplay that can not be reduced to a simple equation

9

Human Brain at Birth

6 Years Old

14 Years Old

PRUNING These 3 critical phases are quickly followed by a

process in which the brain prunes and organizes its neural pathways

LEARNING is a process of creating and strengthening frequently used synapses (brain discards unused synapses)

Brain keeps only the most efficient and “strong” synapses

Children/teens need to understand that they decide (though their behavioral choices) which synapses flourish and which are pruned away

PRUNING “USE IT OR LOSE IT”– Reading, sports,

music, video games, watching TV, hanging out—whatever a child/teen is doing—these are the neural synapses that will be retained

How children/teens spend their time is CRUCIAL to brain development since their activities guide the structure of the brain

Self-control of behavior & emotions:• appropriately inhibit or modify behaviors to avoid negative future

consequences• initiate, persist, sequence steps toward goals• navigate complex social situations despite strong affect

Skills in the self-regulation of affect and complex behavior to serve long-term goals

Involves neurobehavioral systems in PFC -- among thelast regions of the brain to achieve full functionalmaturation and underdeveloped in ADHD and ODD

Job Requirements of an Adult

Successful navigation of life’s “troubled waters”: • increased cognitive (self-) control over emotions

and behavior• in accordance with abstract principles• consideration of long-term consequences• complex social rules• use of strategies, planning, and goals• requires cognitive-emotional integration

Role of executive functions

Underdevelopment of the frontal lobe/prefrontal cortex and the limbic system make youth more prone to “behave emotionally or with ‘gut’ reactions”

Youth tend to use an alternative part of the brain– the amygdala (emotions) rather than the prefrontal cortex (reasoning) to process information

BRAIN DEVELOPMENT

Functional integration of widely-distributed circuits lays the groundwork for enhanced voluntary control of behavior during child and adolescent cognitive development

This may occur through strengthening of circuit-level brain organization (i.e. faster connections across a set of neural systems)

Neural networks support cognition & behavior

What is ODD

A behavior disorder characterized by a persistent pattern of defiant, disobedient, and hostile behavior towards authority figures; a frequent loss of temper, arguing, becoming angry or vindictive, or other negative behaviors.

Strong indications of abnormalities in the amygdala involved in ODD

What Works

For ADHD stimulants indicated first, sometimes non-stimulants (atomoxetine/Strattera, guafacine/Tenex/Intuniv, clonidine/Kapvay), employed.

For ODD reverse the sequence. Not many studies but may be some role for atomoxetine, guanfacine, etc.) followed by stimulants

Behavioral/parenting

Target the parent

Literature review for ODD shows us that effective behavioral strategies MUST target the parent’s behavior in order to be effective.

https://www.effectivehealthcare.ahrq.gov/ehc/products/555/2133/disruptive-behavior-disorder-report-151201.pdf

Purpose & Pride

The way that parents and caregivers relate to children and the way they mediate their contact with the environment directly affects the formation of neural pathways and consequently behavior

Risky parent-child interactions may develop if the parent does not understand normal child development and the impact that ADHD/ODD have on those trajectories

Know your child, play to their strengths, address their weaknesses

Prepare more than protect

Purpose & Pride

Prepare by teaching effective strategies for being successful in their world

Their world is family, school, friends, faith, community, culture

Many cultural influences are vying for control of your child’s mind, be sure you matter the most

Teach your values everyday in everyway Give them opportunities to succeed AND fail

Successful Habits A habit is an overlearned behavior Overlearned means you have done it so many times

(note LOTS of repetition), it becomes an “automatic” behavior

What is behavior? A means by which to interact with our world in order to

achieve a desired goal. Behaviors that are rewarded increase, those that are

not, do not (unless biologically driven). Punishment can sometimes be a reward since it

provides the child with attention and the power to control your behavior.

Become the reinforce as well as the enforcer

You have to matter to the child so Be a good listener (active listening) Support them and their efforts Say yes when you can so that no really means no Make life fun and enjoyable Make they know you “have their back” Model warmth, respect, caring

Set the rules and enforce them Be predictable

What is Behavioral Management?

A structured way of teaching and influencing behavior

Effective Behavioral Programs: Understand the behavior Predict the behavior Affect the behavior by controlling contingencies Externalize the contingencies

Discipline does not equal punishment, but does involve teaching and learning (discipleship)

Behavioral Analysis

Understand the situation (ABC’s of behavior) Antecedent Behavior Consequence

Principles of Behavioral Management

Immediacy of consequences Specificity of consequences Consistency of consequences Limit the rules Establish incentives before punishments Anticipate and plan for misbehavior Reciprocity of family interactions (the Golden

Rule)

Effective Interventions

Pay attention Increase compliance Command don’t plead Train up what you want to see United front Respond to the positives Establish and implement consequences

Plan Ahead

Know those situations/settings most likely to be problematic (the dreaded WalMart)

Make a plan (avoid the toy aisle) Review the plan (quickly with as few words as

possible) Implement the plan

Study Habits

Create good habits early Structure, routine, structure, routine… Space matters

Avoid noisy, busy places Reduce distractions

Exception may be music Reduce chatter Enourage motor involvement

Channel Nick Saban

Develop transitions orbridges between key points.

Study Habits

Support, don’t hover Start early Frequent review Avoid cramming Learning how to learn SQ4R

.

Establish Priorities

Healthy Lifestyle- yes, it matters Nutrition Exercise Sleep

Develop transitions orbridges between key points.

Healthy Lifestyle- yes, it matters

NutritionBalanced diet (Mediterranean)Brain friendly nutrientWhere and how you eat

Exercise Sunshine, fresh airDaily routineCompetitive vs Recreational Sports

Sleep Sleep hygiene

Consequences of Insufficient Sleep

Sleepiness (including micro-sleeps) Tiredness (decreased motivation) Irritability and low-frustration tolerance Difficulties with self-control of attention,

emotion, and behavior Direct effects on learning and memory

consolidation

Time Management

The vanishing resource Make smart decisions guided by your VALUES DO NOT OVERSCHEDULE Brains need “downtime” and unstructured play But not TOO MUCH downtime as “idle hands are the

devil’s playground” Put EVERYTHING on your calendar and teach your

child to do the same Weekly calendar review for the entire family

Journal

Try 1-2 weeks of writing a daily log of how you (and your family) spent your time

BE HONEST Then ask yourself if 10 years from now it

really mattered who won The Voice (or pick your ball game), what Dr. House’s final diagnosis was, how CSI solved the case, or how many candies you crushed.

Use Time Wisely Unplug in order to connect Let your kids “catch you” snuggling, sharing your

dreams and fears, doing the crossword, praying Schedule family reading time Have a family budget and review it once a month

with the kids Shop together (decision-making and math) Cook together (reading and following directions,

measurements, physics, chemistry) EAT TOGETHER (at a table, in your kitchen, with

no electronics) Play together

DISCIPLINE

Disciple Teaching, not limited to punishment, or even

just consequences The means by which we pass our values onto

our children All parenting comes down to teaching our

children how to be effective and how to be a responsible citizen

MORAL DEVELOPMENT

To appreciate consequences of one’s behavior, you have to have the ability to think through potential outcomes and understand the impact of consequences

Due to an immature prefrontal cortex, youth are not skilled at doing this

Children do not take information, organize it, and understand it in the same way that adults do—they have to learn how to do this

MORAL DEVELOPMENT With experience and maturity, youth are

increasingly able to temper their instinctive ‘gut’ reaction with more rational, reasoned responses.

They begin being able to “apply the brakes” to emotional responses.

During this time they need adult mentors and role-models who demonstrate how to make good decisions and how to control emotions

You are #1 Teacher

It is YOUR responsibility to teach YOUR child, with the support of school, faith community, friends, etc.

Actions speak louder than words You are constantly teaching your child, even

(or especially) when you are not thinking about it

Parenting Implications• Have clear expectations for behavior, and work to

implement appropriate and consistent consequences (KISS)

• Teach and MODEL emotional management strategies for dealing with stressful situations

• Reinforce appropriate behavior

• Allow opportunities for assertive communication, which allows expression of one’s feelings, needs, and desires

Building Resiliency

Build an unbreakable bond with your child through open communication, a positive, accepting, and reinforcing attitude, and consistent parenting approach that focuses on skills building.

Have high but appropriate expectations and a willingness to teach.

Parenting

• If you want your child to know it, teach it.

• Teach life and social skills• Communication• Goal setting • Problem-solving • Stress management• Decision-making (including refusal skills)

• Teach your faith and values• Everyday crises, big and small, are teaching

moments• Talk WITH your child, everyday.

Successful Socialization

Planning for success Programmed social interactions Social bridges Behavioral contingencies for social behavior Social skills training/role playing Increase their decision-making role in the

home (sharing of power) as they are ready

Emotional Regulation

Chill Out exercises Progressive muscle relaxation Breathe Mindfulness Guided imagery Yoga/Tai Chi Re-setting the emotional barometer Focus on the body and its functions, not the

situation

• “Learning from experience” may not take place until underlying brain structures are in place.

• Function as their #1 teacher: teach them what they need to know, don’t assume they get it, do assume they are always watching.

• Encourage healthy lifestyle, especially sleep and a manageable schedule.

• Look at risk taking and limit testing as necessary and normal; help your child/student find safe ways to experiment and explore.

Summary

Just P.A.R.E.N.T. Promote activities that capitalize on the strengths of

the developing brain and encourages personal responsibility.

Assist with appropriate challenges and support. Reinforce desired behaviors and moral development. Encourage lifestyle that promotes good brain and

personal development while avoiding too much risk. Never lie to your child and do not underestimate the

effects of your impact as a role model. Tolerate and allow the natural mistakes that are

required for learning.

Raising confident, competent children is hard work, but worth it.