The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits

TheMacScouter's

BigBookofSkits

CompiledbyR.GaryHendra,theMacScouter

gary@macscouter.com,http://www.macscouter.com

TableofContents

Introduction

CubOlympics

StagingSkits

CubScoutSocks

OtherSourcesofSkits

CubShop

Damn!(orshouldIsayDarn?)

TheBigBookofSkits

DancingKneeDolls

TheAirplane

TheDangerousTent

AirplaneShortRunway

TheDeadBody

AmericanFolkTaleSkit

TheDenMother'sBouquet

TheAnts

DidYouHaveV-8?

ArtisticGenius

DinnerSpecial

TheGreatAug

Doctor!Doctor!

TheBabies&Dads

Doctor'sOffice

Backpacking

DoggieDoctor

ABadTurn

DoggieDoo

BalloonOrchestra

TheDumbActors

TheBaseballGame

EasterBunny

BearHunt

TheEcho

BeeSting

Echo,again!

TheRootBeerCommercial

EchoPoint

BellRinger#1

ElevatedGum

BellRinger#2

TheElevator

BellRinger#3

EmergencyRoomDoctor

BePrepared

TheEnlargingMachine

TheBestSpitterInTheWorld

EskimoPie

TheBetterThief

TheFailedReporter

TheBicycleShop

TheFire

BigGameHunting

Firebuilding

BigItch

TheFiringSquad

TheBiggerJerk

Version2:

TheBiggestTurkey

FishMarket

BlackBart

Fishin'

TheBlanketTossingTeam

Fishing

Blindfold

FishingonaParkBench

Bonfire

FishingSuccess

BorderCrossing

TheFishingTrip

BrainShop

Flasher

BrainTransplant

TheBriefcase

TheFleaCircus

ABrotherhoodofScouting

FloratheFlea

TheBubbleGumontheStreet

FlyintheSoup

TheBubbleGumintheStudios

FlyingHigh

BuffaloStories

FlyintheSoup

BusDriver

Food,Water&MirrorontheSahara

C.P.R.

TheFortuneTeller

CamelPatrol

FourLeafClover

CampCoffeeSketch

TheFourSeasons

CanYouDoThis?

FredtheTrainedFlea

TheCandyShop

FriendsofYears

TheCandyStore

TheFrightenedHunter

CandyStore

GameShow

CandyStore(variation)

GatheringoftheNutsI

ChangeUnderwear

GatheringoftheNutsII

ChewingGum

TheGeneralStore

ChinFaces

TheGhostofMidnight

ClimbThat

GhostWithOneBlackEye

TheCompass

Ghostcatchers

TheComplainingMonk

GiantWorm

ContagiousDiseaseWard

GlassofWater

CourtCase

GoCart

CourtScene

GoneFishin'

CrazyCharlie

TheGoodSamaritan

CubCookout

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--ii--

January1997

TableofContents

GoodSoup

LobsterTail

Granny!WakeUp!

TheLoonHunt

Granny'sCandyStore

LostItemaroundCampfire

TheGreatestSpitterintheWorld

TheLostLollipop

Grease

TheLostQuarter

GreenSideUp!GreenSideUp!

LunchBreak

TheGreyhoundBus

MadReporter

TheGrowingMachine

TheMagicBandanna

TheHairCutMachine

TheMagicDoctor'sChair

HairyHamburger

MartianMamma

HarlemGlobetrotters

MeasurementProblem

HaveYouSeenmyBellyButton?

MedicalGenius

TheHeartAttack

MilitaryGenius

Heaven'sGate

MixedBodyActing

Herman,TheTrainedFlea

MixedUpMagic

HiccupforMe

TheMotorcycleGang

TheHighestTreeclimberintheWorld

TheMotorcycleShop

AHotMeal!

Mr.Kerplunk

HowdoIdoThat?

MusicalGenius

HowtoMaketheTeam

MusicalToiletSeatSalesman

HowtoWashAnElephant

Norbert

IGottaGoWee

Napoleon'sLastFarewell

TheNewBadge

I'mGonnaGetYou!

TheNewCar

I'mRussian!

NewSaw

TheImportantPapers

NewsFlash!

TheImportantMeeting

NoRocketScientist

IntheFurnitureStore

Nosebleed

TheInfantry

NoSkit

TheInjury

NuttyFisherman

TheInspection

TheNurses

Intelligence

OffensiveBusPassenger

IntheFurnitureStore

Oh-Wa-Ta-Goo-Siam

TheInvisibleBench

TheOldGum

IsaTrainPassingToday?

OldMovieScene

IsCaptainKiddAfraidofHimself?

OldSocks

IsItTimeYet?

TheOldeLighthouse

IGottaGoWeee!

OlympicDrama

J.C.Penney

OOOOOOABug!

JointheArmy!

TheOperation

JokeTeller

TheOuthouseintheYangtzeRiver

JumboBurgers

TheOuthouseSketch

TheJump

TheOutlaw

KarateOrientale

OvertheCliff

KeepCanadaBeautifulContest

ThePage(TheSkit)

KnotDemonstration

PaintingtheWalls

TheKing'sRaisins

PantherTracks

KnotDemonstration

TheParachute

TheLandShark

ThePartyWarehouse

TheLawnMowerI

PassthePepper

TheLawnmowerII

Patience,Jackass,Patience!

LearningEnglish

Peanuts

LearningtheAlphabet

PeanutsintheLake

LetMeHaveIt!

Pencils

LettersfromHome

PetShop

LieDetector

Pickin'Cotton

TheLighthouseSketch

Pickpocket

TheLighthouse

Pickpockets

LighteningStrike

Pickpockets#2

Lights,Camera,Action

PieintheFace

LitterHurts

ThePilferedWarehouse

LittleGreenBall

ThePirateFamily

ListenattheWall

PlaneLanding

LivingXylophone

PlayBall

--iii--

January1997

TableofContents

PLCMeeting

ATalkingMartian!

PoisonSpring

TanketyTank

ThePoorExcuses

Tenting

PopCommercial

Thar'saBear

PostOffice/King'sRoyalPaper

There'saBear!

PottedPlant

TheThinker

PresentsfortheTeacher

TheThirstyDonkey

Prisoner

TheThirstyFisherman

TheProfessor'sAddress

ThreeAgainst1000

PuppyintheBox

ThreeRivers

AQuietDay

ThreeRiversII

Raisin

ThreeScoops

RealThing

TicketLine

ReggieandtheColonel

TimeontheParkBench

TheRestaurant

TimothyEaton

RestaurantMinutes

Toothache

Rise,Walk,andKill,Igor

Toothpaste

RiverRun

Tracks

Rowing

TheTrainedCaterpillar

Salesman

TheTrainSkit

Saloon

TheTrees

SargeAndThePrivate

TrickorTreat

School'sonFire

TrimmingtheChristmasTree

ScientificGenius

TurkeyContest

TheScoutUniform

TheTwelveDaysofChristmas

Scoutmaster'sBrains

TwistMouthFamily

Scoutmaster'sGift

UgliestManintheWorld(orBadBreath)

Scoutmaster'sSaw

UglyBaby

TheScrewyNavel

UpHarold

ShapeUp!

UpsideDownSingers

TheShortRunway

VampireSnack

TheShrimpyBoxer

TheViperisComing

ShutUp!

TheWall

TheSiberianChickenFarmer

TheWaiter

SidewalkClimbing

Waiter!

Singer

TheWaitingRoom

SixWiseTravelers

Washington'sFarewell

TheSleepWalker

Water,Water!

SlugTrainers

WeAin'tGottheMoneyfortheMortgageontheFarm100

TheSmartScout

WeHit!

SmokeSignals

TheWeatherMan

TheSneeze

TheWell-TrainedElephant

SoldierIntheBattlefield

WhattheHeckWasThat?

SomeoneChantedEvening

WhatTimeisit?

SoundsoftheLostScoutmaster

What'stheProblem?

TheSoundsoftheWilderness

What's2+2?

SourNotes

WhoSneezed?

SpaceDerbySkit.

WhyAreYouLate?

TheSpecialPapers

WorldsGreatestPitcher

SpellingContest

TheWorld'sGreatestSpitter

TheSplitBall

TheWorld'sUgliestMan

SPL'sTooToughToBeTasty

WhataDay

Spring

TheWrongSkit

SpringisSprung!

YouDon'tSay!

StarGazing

YouNeedaTie,Sir

St.Peter

You'veBrokentheRules!

TheStatueWarehouse

YukonWinter

StatuesinthePark

49...49...49

TheStrangeTrees

The5thFloor

Submarine

7JerksontheLine

SubmarinePatrol

Walk-ons,Run-onsandOtherShorts

SubmarineTraining

TheAnnouncement

TheSuccessfulFisherman

GoingtoCourt

SuperClutz

BeamMeUp

--iv--

January1997

TableofContents

SmokeSignals

LittleBrother

Squirrels

ItsAllAroundMe!

Leaving

PullingString

AllOverMe

ThrowingUp

FireDrill

TheRuler

I'maRabbit

Missed

PopQuiz

Wait!Wait!

WhataDay

TheNuttyFisherman

BeeSting

Finale

January1997

Introduction

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkitsistheresultofcompilingskitsfromvariousInternetScoutingsources,andlotsofcreativepeople.ThisisthefirstmajorrevisionoftheBigBook,incorporatingmorethan150newskits.

Atlastcountthereare377skitsintheBigBook--thismaybethebiggestcollectionofskitsintheworld.Withalittleluck,thebookwillbeupdatedirregularly,asmorematerialcomesin.

TheBigBookstartedwiththeScouts-LSkitsFAQ,andafewothersmallcompilationsofskits.Peoplehavesentmeindividualskitsandgroupsofskits.MysincerethankstoMerlWhitebook,themostprolificcontributortothisvolume.MythanksalsotoHansHussman,BobJenkins,theUSScoutingServiceProject,theAustralianScoutingAssociation,andacastofothercharacters.

R.GaryHendra,TheMacScouter,January1997

StagingSkits

byMerlWhitebook,adaptedbytheMacScouter

Skitsareusuallyneverlongerthan3to5minutesandareideallysomewherearound90seconds.

Sourcesofyourskitsareimagination,Leadermagazine,jokesfrombooks,Reader'sDigest,campfires,kids,andotherleaders,andofcoursetheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits.

Watchoutforscratchskitsfromthekids,becausetheyusuallyaren'tfunny,aretoolonganddon'tmakeanysense,nottomentionthekidsforgetwhatthey'resupposedtosayanddo.Arealboretowatch.Whichleadstothenextpoint--reservetherighttoeditorvetothekids'skits,withinreasonofcourse.You'vegottoavoidswearing,hitting,andstupid,no-senseskits.ThoughIhaveseensomeoriginalbeautiesfromkids,aswellassomewonderfulmodificationsfromthem,bothofwhichthroughlittleifanyleaderintervention.

Generally,agoodwaytogetthekidsinvolvedinagoodskitistoprovidethemwithachoiceofabouttwoorthreeskitsandletthemchooseatriedandproven

withachoiceofabouttwoorthreeskitsandletthemchooseatriedandprovenskit,thenhelpthemmodifyittothenumberofkidsavailableandthetheme.

Rehearsetheskitbeforehand.Itwillincreasethekids'confidenceandcanhelptoavoidwhispering,fumbling,amnesia,arguingaboutwhosayswhat,andallsortsofproblems.

Thistaskisimpossible,butessentialtoworkon.Theboyshavetospeakupsothateveryonecanhearthem.

Whocareshowgoodthejokeisifyoucan'thearit.That'swhererehearsingcomesinhandy.

Cuecardscanbeusefulforthekidssothattheycanremembertheirlines.Makepostersizecardswithlarge,simplewriting.Afaroutidea,butcanbeusefulifthekidscanread.Andhey!Itmayunintentionallyturnouttobethegagoftheweekend!(Howaboutaskitinvolvingcuecards,andthepunchlinebeing"ButSir!Wecan'tread!")Besidesthevariationsmentioned,mostoftheseskitslendthemselvesratherwelltovariationofsomesort,allowingforeasyusethroughoutavarietyofdifferentthemes.Isaw"TheBeerCommercial"originallyasafilmingofRomeoandJuliet,"TheDumbActors"canbeafilmingofanythemerelatedscene,"PeanutsintheLake"

originallyhadflatoutrefusalsfromtherelatives,butwasmodifiedforanenvironmentaltheme,and"Rise,Walk,andKill,Igor"canhaveaScoutTroopsellingfertilizer,Dr.Mad'sGrandmothervisitingandthecablecompanycomingbytoinstallanewTV.

Ofcourse,someskitssuchas"You'veBrokentheRules!,""Nosebleed,"tosomeextent"TrimmingtheChristmasTree"and"TheInfantryisComing!"arealittlemoresituationspecificanddependonprescribedsceneryandsituationstogetthejokedoneproperly.Butwhenpossible,decidewhatyouneedandthenchangeaskit,evenifonlyminordetailsmentionedcanbechangedtofit.Thescriptsaren'tcastinstone.

AvoidrancidskitssuchasVeechBoton,UgliestManintheWorld,IsitTimeYet?,Nosebleed,andanyskityouoryourkidshavedonethreetimesinrow(orthreetimesinthepastyear.)Yes,thekidsdolovetheseskitsandwanttodothemagainandagain,buttheybecomeboredsoonerorlaterandstarttocomplain"Notanothercampfire..."ortheycallout"Iknowthejoke!He'sgotanosebleed!"Sotryanewskit--it'sjustasfunandwillimprovegreatlythe

nosebleed!"Sotryanewskit--it'sjustasfunandwillimprovegreatlytheenjoyabilityofyourcampfires.

Watchoutforusingormodifyingskitsthattouchonsensitivetopics.Whatusedtobeconsideredacceptablejokesnolongerare,suchasethnicorhandicappedtargets.Keeptotopicsofcommonground.

Inyourskits,avolunteerisusuallyapre-selectedpersonwhoyouseemtopluckoutoftheaudience,butofcourseisplantedthere.Inapinch,youcanjustchooseyourvolunteersatrandomandgivetheminstructionsaspartoftheact.Avictim,ontheotherhand,isapersonwhoischosenatrandomorpre-selected(withouttheirknowledge)tobethebuttofthejoke.Ofcourse,discretionisadvised.TryyourgoodhumoredDCorthatBeaverleaderwhojustwon'trunoutofenergy.

January1997

Haveacheermaster.ACMissomeonewhokeepstrackofgroupsongs,yells,cheersandskits.Overtime,youcanstartweedingoutthegoodfromthebadfromtheseentoomanytimesandyoucangetquiteacollection-

-here'smine!Withmanysourcesyoucanpickupasmanyasyoudesire.

Builduparepertoireofonemanskits,or,ifyouhaveoneofthosefriendswho'sbeenwithyouinyourScoutingendeavorssinceyouwereaScoutandprobablywillalwaysbewithyoutillbeyondthegrave,actasateamandmemorizesomeskitsthatwithoutevenamoment'snoticeyoucanusetofillinaspace.Thereareanumberofskitslistedherethatrequireonlyoneortwoparticipantsorwhose"volunteers"canusuallybechosenatrandom.

Examples--"TheBubbleGumintheStudios;""FloratheFlea;""TheBiggerJerk;""TheHighestTreeClimber"

(justhavethepersontalktohimself);"7JerksontheLine;""SpringisSprung;""TheViper"(justtwopeople,sameonerunninginoverandoveragain);"You

"TheViper"(justtwopeople,sameonerunninginoverandoveragain);"YouDon'tSay;""HighestJumperintheWorld;""TheWell-TrainedElephant;""Food,WaterandMirrorontheSahara;""YouNeedaTie,Sir;""AHotMeal;""BrainShop;""PetShop;"

"TheGhostofMidnight;""I'mGonnaGetYou!;""NewsFlash!;""LearningtheAlphabet;""TheWrongSkit;"and

"TheGhostWithOneBlackEye."

Makeyourskitsenjoyable!

OtherSourcesofSkits

ThereareafewbooksIknowonskits,yellsandcampfires:

The"BSACubScoutLeaderHow-ToBook".Itisbuilttohelpthecubscoutpackanddenleadersrunningprogramsthatkidsenjoy.Asectionof15pagesisdedicatedtoskits,yellsandapplauses.ISBN0-8395-3831-6.

"CreativeCampfires"isanotherfinepublication.Halfofthebookcontainssongs,andtherestiscrammedwithskits,stories,yellsandtipstosetupanentertainingcampfire.(Sorry-noISBN,butitcanbeorderedworldwidefromtheBSASupplyDivision-Fax+1-704-588-5822).

"CampfireStories....ThingsThatgoBumpintheNight"byWilliamForgey,M.D.contains21campfirestories,withlargetypefacesummaryofeach.Alsoincludestheauthor'ssuggestionsforhowtobesuccessfulattellingcampfirestories.ISBN0-934802-23-8publishedbyICSBooks.Approximateprice:$10US$13CATheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--2--

January1997

TheBigBookofSkits

TheAirplane

7-Scoutsactsasthepilot,co-pilotandradiomanonanairliner.4otherscoutsareonthewingsastheengines,onthewingsoftheplane.

Thepilotannouncestoco-pilotthatengineonehasfailed.Engineone(hamthisup)sputters,makesnoiseanddies,Co-pilotinstructsradiomantoinformtowerandtellthemtheywillbearriving15minuteslate(radiomanradiostowerandrepeatsmessage).Soonafterenginetwofails,repeattheprocessagainbutthistimetellthetowertheywillbe30minuteslate.Thenenginethreewithmorepanictellthetowerwewillbe1hourlate.Finallythepilotannouncesthefourthandfinalenginehasfailed.Theradiomanthensays:"BoysI'dbetterradiothetower,wemaybeuphereallday!"

AirplaneShortRunway

Cast:2scouts(Ifmorearedesired,theycanbepassengers,withsuitablesoundeffectsandactions.Seatingforpilotandco-pilot,andforpassengersifrequiredandacompass.

Announcer:Thissceneisonboardaverylowbudgetairline.

Pilot:Well,areweanywhereneartheairport,co-pilot?Co-Pilot:(peeringoutthewindow)Idon'tknow...Iseelightsovertheretotheport.That'slikelyit.Bring'eraroundandhavealook.Pilot:(lurchingplanehardtotheleft)Boy,Ican'ttell.Iwishthecompanywouldbuyussomeinstruments.Co-Pilot:(pullingcompassfrompocket)Oh,I'vegotmytrustycompassandthesunwentdownabout20minutesago,sowe'vegottobeoncourse.

(Excited)Look,seethatspotdownthere,thatmustbeit.Pilot:Okay,herewego.Giveme20degreesflaps,I'mgoingin.(Putsplaneintoanosedive,soundeffects.)Pilot:Thisisgoingtobetough.Givememoreflaps,cutbacktheengines.(Louder)Moreflaps,lessthrottle!Co-Pilot:(Appropriateactionsandsounds,actingpanicky.)Pilot:QUICK,cuttheengines,givemebrakes.MOREBRAKES!Both:(Sighsofrelief)We'redown,wemadeit!

Pilot:Boythatwasashortrunway!Co-Pilot:(Lookingright,thenleft)Yep,andwidetoo!

AmericanFolkTaleSkit

Narrator:America'shistoryisfullofcolorfulcharacters.I'msureyou'veheardofmanythatyoucouldn'tevenbegintocountthem.Butwealsoknowthatmuchofourcountry'shistorywasn'twrittendownuntilmanyyearshadpassed.Memoriesfadeastimegoesby.Now...we'renotcallingourhistoriansliars...but...thingswerenotalwaysthewaytheytoldus.Take,forinstance,the

liars...but...thingswerenotalwaysthewaytheytoldus.Take,forinstance,theburroexpressrider.

Rider:(enterspullingtheburro)"ComeonSpeedy,thoseCubScoutsatSouthsidearewaitingfortheirMale.

Narrator:"Excusemesir?WhydoyoucallyourburroSpeedy?

Rider:Why,thishereisthefastestburrointhewest.

Narrator:"Howfastishe?"

Rider:"Why,he'ssofasthecandancehisshoesoff!(Burrodances,andremoveshisshoesandtossesthemintothecrowdandtheyleave.)

Narrator:Andthere'salwaysthelegendofRipVanWinkle.It'sreallyquiteunlikelythathecouldsleepforfortywholeyears.

RipVanW.:(entering)Sleep?DidIhearsomeonementionsleep.Oh,I'dlovetogetsomesleep!

Narrator:HaveaharddayRip?

RipVanW.:Day,dayhesays!Daysismorelikeit.EversincethoseCubScoutscametotown,Ihaven'tsleptawink.TheirDenLeaderskeepknockingthingsoverandtrippingoverthings.Andyoushouldhearthemlaugh.

Narrator:PoorRip,Iguesshecouldusefortyyearssleepnow.

Chef:(enteringeatinganicecreamcone,andlookingoverandunderandaroundthings,saying...."Nope,nothere,etc.and"Iknowit'saroundheresomewhere."Continuingtolook.)Narrator:Boythaticecreamlooksgood.WherecanIgetsome?

Chef:DowntheroadatCustard'sLastStand.

Narrator:Whatareyoulookingfor?

Chef:Amine.

Narrator:YoumeantheLostDutchmanMine?

Chef:NothelostItalianMineofcourse.Iheartheyhavethegreatestpizza.

January1997

Narrator:Therewasaguyovertherewhowastalkingaboutpizzaearlier.IthinkhisnamewasWildBill.....(hiccup)WildBill........(hiccup)....

Chef:Yeah,Iknowhim,WildBillHiccup-Hiccup...(leavetheroom)

TheAnts

Characters:6to8CubScouts

Props:Papersacks

Setting:Skitopenswithboysstandingtogetherinabackyard.Cardboardcutouttreesandbushescouldbeused.

1stCub:Gee,there'snothingtodo.

2ndCub:Yeah,Iknow.

3rdCub:Hey,let'shaveabackyardpicnic.

All:Yeah!

4thCub:Butit'sgoingtorain.

1stCub:Idon'tthinkso.Ifitdoes,wecaneatinthehouse.

2ndCub:I'llbringthepotatochips.

3rdCub:I'llbringthehotdogs.

4thCub:I'llbringthehotdogbuns.

5thCub:I'llbringthedrinks.

6thCub:AndI'llbringsomethingspecial!

(Allwalkoffstageandcomebackcarryingsacks)

2ndCub:Herearethechips.

3rdCub:Herearethehotdogs.

4thCub:Herearethehotdogbuns.

5thCub:Herearethedrinks.

6thCub:(Dropshissack)Oh,no!

5thCub:What'swrong?

6thCub:Ibroughttheants!!

ArtisticGenius

Thesceneisanartshowwherejudgesareinspectingseveralcanvasesaredisplayed.Theycommentonthebrightness,color,technique,thatisusedonthedifferentpictures.Theyselectonefortheprizeandcommentadditionallyonthegenius,imagination,andthebeautyofthepicture.Theartistiscalledupandthewinningpictureisshowntohim.Thepainterexclaims,"Oh,mygoodness,thatgotinbymistake.That'sthecanvasthatIcleanmybrusheson.

TheGreatAug

ImportantGuy:"OK,Aug,Iwantyoutosellthesepencils."

Aug:"Pen-solls"

ImportantGuy:"That'sright,Aug.Now,whenyouseesomeonecomingdownthestreet,Iwantyoutotellthemwhatyou'reselling."

Aug:"Pen-solls"

ImportantGuy:"Yes,Aug.Bemoreenthusiasticaboutit!"

Aug,wavinghishandsintheair:"Pen-Solls!!!"

ImportantGuy:"Verygood,Aug.Now,peoplewillwanttobuyyourpencils,andthey'llaskhowmuchtheyare.Theycomein$2,$5,and$10packs.Gotthat?"

Aug:"Pen-solls?"

ImportantGuy:"No:Two,Five,Ten."

Aug:"Two..Five...Ten!!!"

ImportantGuy:"Ithinkyou'vegotthat.NowAug,onemorething.Someonemightaskwhytheyshouldbuyyourpencils.Iftheyaskthat,Aug,Iwantyoutotellthemthis.'Ifyoudon't,somebodyelsewill'".

Aug:"Ifyoudon't...somebodyelsewill!"

ImportantGuy:"Verygood.Now,getoutthereandsellpencils!"

Theimportantguywandersoffstage,andAugwanderstotheothersideofthestage.AmanonthestreetapproachesAug.Augrunstohimwavinghishands.

January1997

Aug,inhisface:"Pen-Solls!!!"

Manonstreet:"Hey,you'rearealjerk!Howmanypeoplehaveyoudonethisto?"

Aug:"Two,Five,Ten!"

Manonsteed:"You'rereallyaskingforapunchinthemouth,buddy."

Aug:"Ifyoudon't..somebodyelsewill!"

ManonstreetpunchesAug,whofallsflat,that'stheendoftheskit.

TheBabies&Dads

Cast:Doctor,threeDads

Setting:Hospital

Doctor:Mr.Thompson,congratulations.You'retheproudfatheroftwins!

Thompson:Whatacoincidence--IcomefromTwoMountains!

Later--

Doctor:Mr.Smith,younowhavetriplets!

Smith:That'squiteastonishing!IcomefromThreeRivers!

Thirdfatherfaints;doctorreviveshim.

Doctor:Mr.Smart--what'swrong?Yourwifehasn'tevengivenbirthyet!

Smart:IcomefromThousandIslands!

Backpacking

Twoscoutslaydownonsleepingbagsonthestage.Twootherscouts,pretendingtobebikers"ride"overtooneofthescoutswhoisontopofthebagandproceedtobeathimup.Theydoanythingtheywanttomakeitlookliketheyhavehurthim.Theyseehimmovingand"ride"off.

Thescoutwhojustgotbeatupturnstohisbuddyandsays,"Twobikersjustcamethroughthewoodsandbeatmeup."Hisbuddyturnstohimandsays,"Itwasjustadream,gobacktosleep."

Thishappenstwomoretimes,withthebikersbeatinguptheguy,butonthethirdtime,somethingdifferenthappens.Theguywhogetsbeatupturnstohisbuddyandtellshimwhathappenedagain.Thistimehisfriendsays,"Fine,ifitwillmakeyoufeelbetter,I'llswitchplaceswithyou."

Nowthebikerscomebackandgouptothesamesleepingbagagain,andoneturnstotheotherandsays,

turnstotheotherandsays,

"Thisguy'shadenough,let'sgettheotherguy."

--ThankstoKevinGaribaldi

ABadTurn

Akela:"Now,(Cubsname),youknowyoushouldalwaysdoGoodTurns."

1stCub:Itried,honest!

Akela:OK

EachCubentersandsayssimilarthingstoAkela

LastCub:(carryingasmallfryingpanwitha"pancake"init)Ididagoodturn!(flipspancakeoverandcatchesitinpan).Butyoushouldseethemessinthekitchen!(otherCubslookashamed)BalloonOrchestraTheplayersintheorchestraeachholdaballoon.Theyblowuptheirballoonsinunison,thenletouttheairinasqueakatatimetotherhythmofsomeeasilyrecognizedrhythmsuchas"BlueDanube"or"JingleBells".Toendtheskitallfilltheirballoonswithairandletgoatthedirectorssignal.

January1997

TheBaseballGame

Thisisgreatfuninwarmweatheratacampfire,andittakesalittlepracticefortheperpetrators.Thereisplentyofroomforvariation,dependingonwhattheScoutscanimagineandhowthevolunteersreactatthetime.

Asusual,theScapegoatgetswet.

Preparation

YouwillneedanAnnouncerandaPitcher,buttheBatterswillbevolunteers.ThefirstVolunteershouldbetoldwhatishappeningaheadoftime,sothathisperformanceshowsothershowit'sdone.Setupasheetabackdrop.TwoScoutshidebehindit,onewithaflashlightandtheotherwithabucketofwater(butbesurethattheaudiencedoesnotseethebucket).Theflashlightisheldagainstthesheettosimulatetheball.Themovementofthelightisthekeytothewholeskit.

Abaseballbatorathickstickisneededforthebatter,andabaseballgloveforthePitcher.Usearollofcanvasandastick(orsomethingsimilar)tosimulatethesoundoftheballhittingthecatcher'sglove(donebyaScoutbehindthesheet).Ifitisdark,havetwostrongflashlightsshiningonthePitcherandBatter.

TheSkit

TheAnnouncercomesonstageandtellstheaudiencethattherewillbeabaseballpitchingdemonstration.

HeintroducesthePitcherasthegreatestpitcherofalltime,whowillshowushisfamousspecialtypitches.AfterabuildupabouthowgreatthePitcheris,theAnnouncerpositionsthePitcheratoneendofthesheet.

TheAnnouncerasksformembersoftheaudiencetovolunteertotrytohitthisfamouspitcher'sbestpitches.

Thefirstvolunteerisgiventhebatandplacedattheotherendofthesheet.TheAnnouncerexplainsthatthePitcherwillthrowonepitch,andtheBattermustdohisbesttohittheball.

ThePitcherwindsupandpretendstothrow,astheAnnouncernarrates("He'sset.Hewindsup.There'sthepitch!"TheScoutbehindthescreenmoveshislightrapidlydownthesheet.TheAnnounceryells,"Fastball!"

TheBatterswingshard.Wehearthesoundoftheballhittingthecatcher'smitt.TheAnnouncersays,"Astrike!

You'reOut!"TheBatterreturnstohisseat.

AnotherBatterisrecruited.ThistimetheAnnouncercallsoutacurveball,whichcurveswildlyacrossthesheet.TheBatterisagaincalledout.Theprocesscontinueswithaknuckleballandascrewball.

Finally,theAnnouncerintroducesthefamousPitcher'sdreadedSecretPitch.Heasksforaspecialvolunteer,ofespeciallyoutstandingbaseballabilityandunusualcourage,totrytohitthispitch.AScapegoatisvolunteeredbytheAnnouncerandencouragedtocomeup.

TheBatteriscarefullyplaced,andtheballispitched.AsitcomestotheBatter,theAnnouncercries,"Watchout!It'saspitball!"

Hiswarningcomestoolate,aswatercascadesoverthesheetontotheBatter.

BearHunt

AvariationonATalkingMartian!andSaloon.

Cast:Bear,twohunters

Setting:Thewoods

#1:(Whispering)Ah!There'sabear!IcanshootitandI'llhavemytakefortheday!(Bang!Andthebearfallsdown.)Well,I'llgogetsomeropetodragit.

#2:No!It'smine!

#1:Hey!Ishotthatbearmyself.It'sclearlymine.

#2:Look.Youcouldn'thaveshotthatbearifIdidn'tdriveushere.

#1:Well,I'vegotnewsforyou.Ijustkilledthatbear.It'smine.

#2:Andanotherthing,...

Thetwocontinuearguingwhenallofasudden,thebearrises,growls,andfrightensthetwohuntersaway.

BeeSting

1stScout"OOOOOUCH,OOOOOOH,OOOOOUCH"

2ndScout"What'sthematterwithyou?"

1stScout"Abee'sstungmythumb!"

2ndScout"Tryputtingsomecreamonitthen."

1stScout"Butthebeewillbemilesawaybythistime."

January1997

TheRootBeerCommercial

Cast:Actor(s),Director,Cameraman,Othersinastudio

Setting:Studio

Director:Okay,People!Let'sgetgoing!

Cameraman:ButSir!

Director:Nointerruptions!Action!

Actor,speakinginadullvoice,doesacommercialforScoutRootBeer,talkingaboutitsgreattaste,madefromdishwaterandleftoverporridge,andlotsofthespecialingredient,"Hoptoit,"whichtheScoutleaderoftensaid,fromScoutcampwhen...

Director:Cut!Thatsoundedlikeyoudon'tlikethestuff!Soundsincere!

Okay!Let'stryitagain!

Cameraman:ButSir!

Director:Nobuts!Action!

Actorbeginsagain,appropriatelysincere,andtherearetheusualinterruptionsbythedirector,sayingit'stoofast,tooslow,whispersintotheactor'sear(whothencheckshiszipper)untilfinally,everythinggoessmoothly.Allthewhile,theCameramankeepsoninterruptingtheDirectoratthesametime.

Director:Cut!AndPrint!Thatwasfantastic!Let'sgetoutofhere!

Cameraman:ButSir!Wedon'thaveanyfilm!

BellRinger#1

Props:CoatwithfootballorwaddedclothingunderitfortheHunchback,hatornightstickforGendarme.

Announcer:TheHunchbackofNotreDamehasdecidedtoretire,andhasplaceanadintheParisTimesforsomeonetocomeandlearnhowtoringthebells.

Effects:(Knock,knock,knock)

Hunchback:(Gravelyvoice)Oh,somebodymustbehereaboutmyjob.I'llgodownandsee.(Goes'roundand'roundthecampfire,asifgoingdownthebelltower,bentoverduetohunch.)Effects:(Knock,knock,knock)Hunchback:(Angrily)I'mcoming,I'mcoming.There'salotofstairshere.(Arrivesatandopensthedoor.)Hunchback:Yeah!Whatdoyouwant?

Applicant:I'mhereaboutthebellringer'sjob.

Hunchback:Allright!ComeonupandI'llseeifyoucandothejob.(Beginstogoup(theotherwayaround)followedbytheapplicant.)

Applicant:Boy,theceilingisnotveryhighhere,isit?

Hunchback:Listen,yougoupanddownthesestairs20timesadayfor45yearsandyoujustlearntostaybentover.Hey,didyouclosethatdoor,didn'tyou?

Applicant:Idon'tknow.Idon'tremember.

Hunchback:Well,wegottagodownandkeepitlocked,can'trunupthechurch'sfuelbill.(Bothturnaroundandgoback.)

Hunchback:That'sthefirstthingyougottalearn.Keepthedoorclosed.Upanddownthesestairs,that'sthehardpart.(Arrivingatdoor)O.K.,sonowyou'rehere,closethedoor.

Applicant:(Closesdoor)Howarethebenefitsinthisjob?

Hunchback:(Bothgoingbackup)Well,ithasit'supsanddowns.TheChurch

Hunchback:(Bothgoingbackup)Well,ithasit'supsanddowns.TheChurchboardwillbuyyouearplugseverysixmonthsandanewbottleofbellpolishonceayear(Finallyarrivingatthebell)Allright,nowyoustandoverthere,andI'llshowyouhowit'sdone.Firstyougrabthebellhereandpushitoutveryhard(stepsbackandfollowspathofbelloutandback)thenthebellcomesbackonit'sown.That'sallthereistoit.Doyouthinkyoucandothat?

Applicant:Sure!(doestheactionwiththebell,butdoesnotstepback,ishitbybellandfallsback,totheground)

Hunchback:Ohmygosh!He'sfallen15storiestothesidewalk.I'dbettergetdownthere.(Goes'roundand

'rounduntilhereachestheground)

(Crowdentersmumbling,stopsastonishedatbody)

Gendarme:(Entering,callstoHunchback)Heyyou!Doyouknowthisguy?(Rollsbodyoverwithfoot)Hunchback:No,buthisfacesureringsabell!

January1997

BellRinger#2

(ThetrickwiththisskitistodoitthenightafterdoingBellRinger#1,andtodoeverythingexactlythesame-

perhapswithalittlemore'hammingitup')

(WhentheApplicantarrivestheHunchbacksays:)

Hunchback:Youlookjustliketheguywhowashereyesterday.

Applicant:Oh,thatwasmytwinbrother.

(Reverttotheoriginaldialogagain.Theaudiencewillthinkit'sgettingare-run

(Reverttotheoriginaldialogagain.Theaudiencewillthinkit'sgettingare-runandprepareitselffora

'groaner'ofacheer.Whentheyheartheending,you'llgetagreatreaction.)(Carryonwithdialog,exceptforthelastline.)

Hunchback:No,buthe'sadeadringerfortheguywhowashereyesterday!

BellRinger#3

(TobeusedONLYwhenBellRinger#1and#2havebeenused.)

Props:Rainslickers,blanket,andGendarmegearfromabove.

(Twoplayersenterinrainslickersholdingblanketbetweenthemlikeajumpingnet.Thejigandjogaroundtheperformingarea.)

Gendarme:(Entering)Hey,whatareyouguysdoing?

Fireman#1:Well,thelasttwonightssomeguyhasjumpedoutofthatbelltower,andwecametocatchhim!

BePrepared

Firstscoutwalkstocenterofstage,standstoattention,salutesandsays,"BEPREPARED."Thisisrepeatedbythreeotherscouts.Whentheyareallstandingsidebyside,aloudmotorhornorexplosionisletoffbehindtheaudience.

Thescoutsthenallsay,'WETOLDYOUTOBEPREPARED'

TheBestSpitterInTheWorld

ThekeyperformeristheCatcher,whomustwavearoundacanofwaterwithoutspilling.Hesimulatesthespithittingthecanbytappingonthecanwithhisfinger.Hewillneedtopracticesothathedoesnotspill,doesnotshowtheaudiencethatthereiswaterinthecan,andcanbeheardbutnotseenwhenhetapsthecan.

Thecatchersitsquietlyintheaudience.Thecanofwaterisonthestage,butnotobvious.

AScoutloudlyproclaimshimselfasTheBestSpitterInTheWorld.Heboasts

AScoutloudlyproclaimshimselfasTheBestSpitterInTheWorld.Heboastsabouthisspittingability,sayingthathecanspitfartherthananyoneelse.OtherScouts,whohavebeenplantedatthebackoftheaudience,challengehimtoproveit,sayingthattheydonotbelievehim.Theaudiencetakesupthecry.

TheSpitteragreesandasksforsomeonefromtheaudiencetocatchforhim,justtoprovehisability.TheCatchervolunteers,actingasifheexpectstobethescapegoat.

TheSpitterexplainsthathewillstandabout20feetapart.Hewillspit,andtheCatcherwillcatchthespit,justtoprovethedistanceandaccuracy.TheCatcherreactswithhorror,"I'mnotgoingtotouchyourspit!"TheSpitterisunderstanding,noticesthecan,andoffersitassomethingtocatchwith.TheCatcheragreeswithobviousrelief.

Theysetupashortdistanceapart.TheSpitterwindsupandspits.Thecatcherreachesupandcatcheswithasolidthump.

TheSpittertakesabow,buttheaudienceisnotimpressed.Theysayanyonecandothat,dosomethingharder.Theybackoffandrepeattheperformancefromagreaterdistance.Again,theaudienceyellsathim.

Afterseveraltries,theSpitterclaimsthathecanspitallthewayaroundtheworld!Theaudiencereactionispredictable.Theysetup;theSpitterspits;theCatcherducks,waits,movesthepanaround,andcatchesit.

NowtheplantedScoutsyellthattheSpitterisafake!Theysaythathecouldn'treallyspitallaroundtheworld.

TheSpittersays,"Oh,yeah?Showthem."

TheCatcherturnsandthrowsthewaterintothecrowd.

TheBetterThief

Cast:2Scouts

Therearetwoscouts,theyeachsay,"I'mthebetterthief."

"NoI'mthebetterthief."

Thenonesays,"Wait,letshaveacontest,wewillwalkpasteachotherthree

Thenonesays,"Wait,letshaveacontest,wewillwalkpasteachotherthreetimesandwhoeverstealsthebestthingwins."

January1997

Thescoutsthenwalkpasteachothertwicepullingoutobjectssuchasknife,watch,glasses,etc.

Finallyonthethirdpass,thefirstscoutsays,"I'vegotyourwallet,ha,beatthat!"

ThesecondScoutlooksaroundnervouslythensays,"You'vegotmywallet,wellinthatcaseyouwouldwin,but...I'vegotyou'reunderwear!"Andwavesapairofshortsintheair.

TheBicycleShop

(Thescenebeginswiththreeplayersontheirhandsandknees,inarow,asbicycles.)ShopOwner:Well,thereweare,threebrandnewbicyclesallsetupforsale.

Customer:(Entering)Hi.I'dliketobuyabicycle.

ShopOwner:Surething.Whydon'tyoutrythemonforsize?

(Customersitsonthefirstbikeanditfallsdown.Thesecondistoobig,whilethethirdistoosmall.)Customer:Isurelikethefirstone,letmetryitagain.

ShopOwner:Whynot?(Settingupbikeagain)Thereyouare,it'sallsetupagain.(Customersitsonit,andagainitfallsdown.)

Customer:Idon'tknow.Ireallylikethisonebutitkeepsfallingdown.I'mafraidit'snotmadewellenough.

ShopOwner:Ourbicyclesareallverywellmade.Itwasjustassembledthismorning,anditmayneedalittleadjustment.Letmegetsomehelp.

(Avolunteerischosenfromtheaudience,whoisinstructedtoholdone'wheel'ofthenowuprightbicycle.)Customer:(Sittingonthebike)That'sperfectnow.Whatwastheproblem?

ShopOwner:Oh,wejustneedabignuttoholdittogether!

BigGameHunting

Twotofourhunterstalkingtogethereachsaysthatheispackingaheavierandmorepowerfulguntoshootwith.Thefirststartsoutwithasmallhandgunandthelastendingupwithaverypowerfulrifle,shotgun,whatever.

Twootherscomeoverwhohaveoverheardthehunterandwanttosettleabet.Arethehuntersgoingafterwolvesormoose.Oneofthehuntersrelies,""Whyno,wearegoingaftermosquitoes!!"

BigItch

Cast:Guy,4Peopleonlunchbreak

Setting:ParkBench

Guyissittingonparkbench.

Guy:I'mwaitingformygirlfriend.Ihopeshecomessoon.

(Luncher#1sitsonbenchandmoveshimover.#2sitsonendandtheymoveover,furtherpushingguy.#3

comes,and#4comes,eachinturnpushingtheguyalittleuntilhefallsoff.Reallyannoyed,hestartstoscratchhimselfalittle,thenalittlemorethenallover.Luncherslookateachother,startscratchingalittlebitthenhurriedlyleave.)Guy:(Sittingonbenchagain)Worksallthetime!

TheBiggerJerk

Asimple,onepersonskitthatisgreatforthoseloosemomentsinacampfire.

Cast:1Person,log(orimaginarymower),"Volunteer,"VictimPerson:(Groansandgruntsashe'sbentovercarrying"heavy"mower.)Uhh.(Letsitdown.)Theseoldmodels,Itellyou.Theyaresoheavy,andtheydon'tworkwell.

Theseoldmodels,Itellyou.Theyaresoheavy,andtheydon'tworkwell.MaybeIshouldbuyanewmowerthisweek.

Well,let'sgetgoing.(Pullsripcordtostart,butitwon'tstart.Makesappropriatesputteringnoises.Triesagainandagain.Maybegeta"volunteer"tohelp.Again,nosuccess.Getyourvictimtotry,andonfirsttry,itsputterstogreatlife!)Iguessitjustneededabiggerjerk!

TheBiggestTurkey

Analternateendingfollowstheregularskit.

Cast:Boxorsuitablecovering,PersoninBox,Announcer,Victim,regularandservingspoons,stickandlog,paperandbook,rubberchicken,smallcuecardSetting:Circus,Boardwalk,TechnologyShow

January1997

Announcer:Ladiesandgentlemen!Todemonstratemyenlargingmachine,Iwillneedavolunteer!(Getyourvictim.)IneedyoutohelpmewhileIexplainwhatisgoingon.Now,lookatwhatthismachinecando!Please,willyouputthisspoonintothemachine?(Hedoes,andoutcomestheservingspoon,noises.)Isn'tthatamazing,ladiesandgentlemen!Nowwatch.(Victimputsinstick,andlogcomesout.)Mygoodness,somethingtoheatyourhomewith!Thisisamazing!Andpleaseputinthispieceofpaper.(Bookcomesout.)EvenIamamazed!

(Finally,chickenisputin,andsayyouexpectaturkeytocomeout.Butcuecardcomesout.)Thisisamazing!

Themachinesaysthatthebiggestturkeyofthemallisrighthere!

Analternateendingistocomplainabouthowslowlythemachineisworking,anditneedstobewashed.Theoperatorthrowsasmallcupofwaterontheside,andamomentlateralargebucketofwaterhitshim.

BlackBart

ThereareseveralBlackBartskits,allrevolvingaroundthebasicplotoftheherochasingBlackBart.TheheroandBBcomefacetoface.BBiscornered,buildingupthetension.Destroyitwiththeanticlimacticlineof:"YougetthepingpongballandI'llgetthepaddlesandI'llmeetyouinfiveminutes."Or"Oh,allright,BlackBart,youusethatoneandI'llusetheoneupstairs."UsethelatteronewhenBBistrappedinsomeroom.

TheBlanketTossingTeam

Thistakesaboutsixguys,whoformacirclearoundaninvisibleblanket,withasmallinvisibleguy(Bruce)whositsinthemiddleoftheinvisibleblanketandgetstossed.

"We'reanOlympicblankettossingteam,andBruceinthemiddlehereisourstarblanketbouncer.We'lltossBruceabitjusttowarmup.One,two,three!One,two,three!One,two,three!"

Onthreeeachtime,theteamletsthepretendblanketgoslack,thenpullittaught.TheywatchtheinvisibleBrucegoupintheair,thencomedown,andthegentlycatchhimagainintheblanket.Eachtimetheytosshimhigher.Theteamhastobeinsync,andtheyhavetowatchaboutthesamespot--theeasiestwaytodothisistohaveeveryonejustimitatetheleader,whoisthespeaker.

"OK,we'realllimberedupnow?"Theteammurmursinagreement."Thenlet'stossBruceabithigher.One,two,three!"

Brucecomesup,andtheteamadjuststheirpositionabittocatchhimashecomesdown.

"One,two,three!"Thiswaitabouttenseconds,andmovequiteabittogetunderhim.Movethiswayandthatbeforefinallycatchinghim.

"One,two,three!"twentysecondsthistime,almostlosetrackofhim,adjustthepositionhere,there,andhereagain.

"What?What'sthatyousay,Bruce?"pause"Audience,youareinluck!Brucewantstogofortheworldrecordblankettoss!Readyteam?One!Two!Thu-reee!!!"Amightytoss!Theteamshiftspositions,liketryingtocatchahighflyball."Therehegoes!He'spastthetrees!He'sreallyupthere!"pause,looking

ball."Therehegoes!He'spastthetrees!He'sreallyupthere!"pause,lookinghardintothesky"Doyouseehim?I'velosthim.Where'dhego?"anotherpause"Ohwell."Theteamleavesthestage,andtheprogramcontinues.

Afteranotherskitandsong,andpreferablyinthemiddleofawardsorannouncementsofsomesort,"Bruce!

Quickteam!"Theblankettossingteamrunsbackonstage,positionsthemselvesthiswayandthat,andcatchesBruce."Let'shaveabighandforBruce!Yay!!!"

Blindfold

Recruitthreeorfourvolunteersandblindfoldeachone.Havethevolunteersstandinfrontoftheaudienceandinstructthemtotakeoffanythingtheyhaveon.Thesmartoneswillremovetheirblindfold,butthosecaughtupinthejokewillcontinuetoremoveitems.Continuewiththoseremainingoneitematatime,untilitbordersonindecency.Thenremovetheblindfoldandlettheminonthejoke.

Bonfire

Aleaderbeginstoexplainhowtolayacampfire.Theleaderdecidestousemembersoftheaudiencetorepresentdifferentpiecesofwood.Thebonfirebuildersbringupvariousvolunteers.Someofthevolunteersarebunchedinthecenterfortinderwithothersplacedforkindlingwiththe"big"logsstackedontopofeachotherinincreasinglargersizes.Theleaderthensaysthatthefireisreadytolight,strikesamatch,whereupon,severalaccomplicesyelloutthatitsONFIREanddashseveralbucketsofwateronthefire.

BorderCrossing

AvariationonTheGhostofMidnightandTheGhostWithOneBlackEye.

--10--

January1997

Cast:BorderGuard,Supervisor,SeveralCrossers,2Brooms

Guard:Hi,Boss!I'mnewhere!WhatdoIdo?

Supervisor:Well,youhavetomakesurethatpeopledon'ttrytocrosstheborderwithoutstoppingfirst.Youcanshootatthemifyouhaveto.

Guard:Withwhat?

Supervisor:Well,we'reoutofguns,sohere'sabroom.Peoplewon'tknowthedifferenceifyoujustgoBang!

Bang!Bang!

Guard:OK.(Hegoestotheside,andsomeonetriestocrosswithoutstopping,soheshootsathim.Thecrosserfalls.)Boss!Boss!Itworked!

Supervisor:See?Itoldyou.Nowwheneveritdoesn'twork,here'sapretendbayonet.Iftheydon'tfallfromthefakegun,youcanalwaystrystabbingthem.

Guard:OK.(Hegoestotheside,andsomeonetriestocrosswithoutstopping,soheshootsathim.Itdoesn'twork,sohetriesstabbinghim.Thecrosserfalls.)Boss!Boss!Itworked!

Supervisor:See?Itoldyou.Nowgotoworkanddon'tstopuntilyourshiftisfinished.

Guard:OK.(Hegoestotheside,andsomeonetriestocrosswithoutstopping,soheshootsathim.Itdoesn'twork,sohetriesstabbinghim.Itdoesn'tworkeither.)Boss!Boss!WhatdoIdo?

Beforebossanswers,crosserpointsabroomattheguardandgoesBang!Bang!Bang!andtheguardfalls.

BrainShop

Cast:Customer,Shopkeeper

Setting:BrainShop

Customer:Hi!I'mboredwithmyself.I'dliketobuyanewbrainandhaveanallnewpersonality.

newpersonality.

Shopkeeper:(Inoneofthoseevil,horrormovievoices)Ahh,yes.Well,IcansellyouthisbrainfromBillyCrystalfor$5000.Here.Tryit.("Unscrews"headandplopsinpretendbrain.)Howdoyoufeel?

Customer:(InBillyCrystalstylevoice)Marvelous.I...feel...marrrvelous.ButIdon'tthinkit'sme.CanItryanother?

Shopkeeper:Okay.Letmesee.(Rummagesaround.)Let'strythisone.It'sthebrainfromCaptainKirk.

Only$5000.

Customer:(InKirkvoice)Scotty...Canyoufixthosetransporters?No,abittoofamousforme.

Shopkeeper:Sure.I'llgooutback.(Rummagesaroundinbackofstore.)Here'sonefromRonaldReagan.

Itonlycosts$5000.Howdoyoufeel?

Customer:(InRonaldReaganstylevoice)Wellll...Bonzo,stopthat...Ithinkthatthisone'sstillabittoofamousforme.

Shopkeeper:Hmmmm.Atoughcustomer.I'llhavetogodowntothebasement.I'llbeback.(Customercommentsonthekindofbrainshehasgottenandwhatkindhe'llgetnext.)Ahhh,hereweare.Thebestinthehouse,notfamousatall.Iguaranteeyou'llloveit.Only$15000.(Yes...$15000.)Customer:(Imitatesaleaderinthecrowdforsomenotoriousact,suchasputtingupthesignandcallingout"PACK!"oradmonishingthekidsordoingafamousroutineorthelike.)Hmmm...thisisgood.ButIrecognizeit.

No,wait...it's(Insertnameofperson.)Iloveit!Buttellme...thebrainsofthosethreefamouspeopleonlycost$5000apiece.Thisone,however,comesfromavirtuallyunknown,unimportantperson.Whydoesitcost$15000?

Shopkeeper:Well,it'sneverbeenused!

BrainTransplant

AgroupScoutgoestoanewScientificLaboratorywheretheyhavedevelopeda

AgroupScoutgoestoanewScientificLaboratorywheretheyhavedevelopedanewprocessforbraintransplants.TheScoutsaskstoseetheselectionofbrains.Thedoctorshowsthemaselection.(thebrainsmaybeincans,wheretheylookinit).Thefirstoneismarked$500.00.Thescoutsaskaboutitandaretolditisthebrainfromapeddler.Thenext$1,000.00,-apoliceman,1,500.00-ateacher,etcupto$5,000.00forthebrainofthegreatestphysicistintheworld.TheScoutsthenseeacontainermarked,$20,000.00andaskaboutit.Thedoctorexplains"Itisthebrainfrom____________(DECampDirectororLeader)andhasneverbeenused!

--11--

January1997

TheBriefcase

Scene:Apersonstandingonastagerecitingalongstory(orsomeotheractivity).Asecondpersonwillenteratvariousstagesandinterrupthim,afterwhichthestorytellerstartsagain.

Thesecondpersonwillneedthefollowingprops:Abriefcase,andastepladder.

1.Person2walksonwithabriefcase.Firstpersonaskshimwhathe'sdoing.

Reply:"I'mtakingmycasetocourt".Walksoff.

2.Entersagainwithastepladder.Sameasbefore,thistimereplying:"I'mtakingmycasetoahighercourt"

3.Thistime,persontwoplacesthehandsofthestorytellerinfrontofhim,andputshiscaseonthem.

"Irestmycase"(Thisoneworksbestwhenthestorytellerdoesn'tknowaboutit).

4.Finalentry,withoutacase:"Ilostmycase"

Thiscanofcoursebeexpanded.Seeninavarietyshowwithmanyotherthingshappening(mostlyknock-knockjokes)inturn.Canbegoodwhendoneproperly.

ABrotherhoodofScouting

ThisskithasaBrotherhoodtheme,andiswell-suitedtotheoldersections(Scoutsandhigher)andleaders,particularlyinanall-sectionscampfire.Itisbestpresentedneartheendofthecampfire,whenthingsarewindingdown(andthechildrenhavesettleddown).

PeoplerequiredfortheSkit:6

OldManwithaStaff

SpiritoftheBeaver

SpiritoftheWolfCub

SpiritoftheScout

Spiritofadventure

SpiritoftheRover

(fewerpeoplemaybeusedbydoublinguponroles)

SkitSetup:IndexcardscanbeusedbytheSpiritsifthereisn'ttimetomemorizeeachrole.(SmallFlashlightrecommended!)

TheOldManisinsidethecampfirecircle,walkingslowlywithhisstaff.Heisslightlyhunchedoverwithageandleansonthestaffheavily.

TheScoutingSpiritsareevenlyspacedoutsidethecampfirecircle,justfarenoughbacknottobeseen.(Theyshouldspeakloudandclearly).

NOTE:WhentheOldManstopseachtimeandlooksintothefire,thereshouldbe2-3secondsofsilencebeforetheSpiritsspeak.

(ThememoriesthattheOldMansaysaloudshouldbespecifictothegroup,sotheyhaverelevancetotheaudienceandcanfeelthefullimpactoftheskit.Consultwithotherleaders/youthforideas.)TheSkit:OLDMAN(Shufflingslowlyaroundthecampfire)."Mylifehasbeenlong,toolong,andmyScoutingyearsarebehindme.MyfriendsareallgoneandIamgoingtodiealone.OldandAlone."(Stopsandstaresintothefire)ALLSPIRITS:"SHARING"

SPIRITOFTHEBEAVER:"IamtheSpiritoftheBeaver.Whenyouwereyoung,ItaughtyouSharingandCaringfortheWorld."

OLDMAN(Resumesshufflingslowlyaroundthecampfire).<BeaverMemory>e.g."Beavers.IrememberBeavers.RiverbanksandtheBeaverPond,makingcraftstotakehometoMom..."<etc.>(TheOldManstopsagainandstaresintothefire.)ALLSPIRITS:"A-Ke-Lah"

SPIRITOFTHEWOLFCUB:"IamtheSpiritoftheWolfCub.Itaughtyoutodoyourbest,IledyourPackthroughtheforestandyoulivedbyMyLaw."

OLDMAN(Resumesshufflingaroundthecampfire).<CubMemory>e.g."Cubs.IrememberCubs.HotDogroastsinthebush,myfirstrealcamp-out,andofcoursetheKubKarraces..."<etc>.(TheOldManstopsagainandstaresintothefire.)ALLSPIRITS:"OnMyHonor"

SPIRITOFTHESCOUT:"IamtheSpiritoftheScout.Itaughtyouknotsand

SPIRITOFTHESCOUT:"IamtheSpiritoftheScout.Itaughtyouknotsandhowtocampwithoutatrace,andtogetherweexploredtheland."

--12--

January1997

OLDMAN(Resumesshufflingaroundthecircle).<ScoutMemory>e.g."Scouts.IrememberScouts.Longhikesandlongcamps,breakinglakeiceforwaterinthewinter.AndthentherewasJamboree..."<etc.>(Stopsandstaresintothefire.)ALLSPIRITS:"Challenge"

SPIRITOFADVENTURE:"IamtheSpiritofadVenture.Itaughtyouleadershipandsetyoufree,totestyourlimitstotheskies."

OLDMAN(Resumesshufflingaroundthefire).<VenturerMemory>e.g."Oh,yes,Venturers.AttendingJamboreeasaHikemaster,leadingpeoplefromaroundtheworldintotheRockies.GettingmydriverslicenseandtryingtodateRangers..."<etc.>(Stopsandstaresintothefire)ALLSPIRITS:"Service"

SPIRITOFTHEROVER:"IamtheSpiritoftheRover.Iledyoutoadulthoodandself-destiny.WechosetogivebacktheloveweweregiventhroughService."

OLDMAN(Resumesshuffling).<RoverMemory>e.g."Rovers.IcouldneverforgetRovers.HelpingoutatDream-On,puttingonDistrictcampfires.AndthenthereweretheMootsandRoadtrips.Andcamps,camps,camps."(Slowsdownandbeginstosinktotheground.Heisdying.)ALLSPIRITS(Walkstraightintothecampfirecirclefromwheretheystand,ifpossible.TheyshouldallarriveattheOldMan'sbodyatthesametime.Waitamomentortwo.)"WearethebrotherhoodofScouting".<Eachsectionsaysitsnameinorder-BEAVERS,CUBS,SCOUTS,VENTURERS,ROVERS.>"IfyougrowupwithScoutingyouareNEVERalone."

--ThankstoGaryNelson

TheBubbleGumontheStreet

OneofthoseskitsCubsjustloveandlaughat.

Cast:Kid,Dog,BasketballPlayer,Car,JoggerandOldMan

Setting:CityStreet

Kid:Blowingbubblesisjustgreat.Watch.(Blowsimaginarybubble;itpopsandlandssomewhereontheground.)Hmm.Wherediditgo?Ishouldlookforit.(Goesaroundandexits,stilllookingforit.)Enterdog,whostops,sniffsatgum,peesonit,andexits.Basketballplayerisdribblingballwhenitgetsstuckonthegum--hetriestoloosenitandfinallydoes.Cardrivesrightoverit.Joggergoesby,hisfootgetsstuckonit;oldmancomesbyandhiscanegetsstuckonit.Finally,Kidcomesback.

Kid:Ahh!There'smypieceofgum!(Picksitup,popsitinhismouthandcontinueschewing.)TheBubbleGumintheStudiosAquick,2-personskityoucanusetofillamomentwhenasixorpatrolisn'tready(butshouldbe.)Cast:Announcer,BoySetting:Stage

Announcer:LadiesandGentlemen!WelcometotheworldfamousWHEELOFFISH!(Boycomescrawlingontostage.)Isay,youngman,whatareyoudoingdownthere?

Boy:(Lookingup)I'mlookingformybubblegum!

Announcer:Well,wheredidyouloseit?

Boy:Backstage!

Announcer:Thenwhylookhere?

Boy:Thelightingisbetterhere!

BuffaloStories

Theseareavariationofthepopularelephantjokes.Theycanbesetupwithtwoboysforeach"joke".

Cub1:Howcanyoutellifabuffaloisunderyourbedroll?

Cub2:Theceilingofyourtentisveryclose.

Cub3:DidyouknowbuffaloesareoriginallyfromItaly?

Cub4:Youmeanlikeinthesong"Ohwhereisthehomeforthebuffaloes--Rome!

Cub5:Whatdoyoufindbetweenthehoovesofbuffaloes?

Cub6:Slowbuffalohunters.

--13--

January1997

Cub7:Whatdoyougetwhenyoucrosspeanutbutterwithabuffalo?

Cub8:Youeithergetpeanutbutterthatroamstherangeorabuffalothatstickstotheroofofyourmouth.

Cub9:Howcanyoutellabuffalofromafieldmouse?

Cub10:Trytopickitup.Ifyoucan't,it'seitherabuffalooraveryoverweightmouse.

Cub11:Howcanyoutellabuffalohasbeenintherefrigerator?

Cub12:Hishoofprintsareinthejello.

Cub13:Howcanyoutellwhentherearetwobuffaloesinyourrefrigerator?

Cub14:Youcan'tshutthedoor.

BusDriver

Cast:SeveralPassengers,BusDriver,"Stinky"

Setting:Bus

Busdriverdrivesthebusalongtheroute,andateachstop,moreandmorepeoplegetoffthebus,holdingtheirnoses,tellingthedrivertohurryup,pushingagainsteachother,runningoffthebus,untilfinallyonlyStinkyandtheDriverareleftonthebus.

Driver:(TalkingtoStinky)Hey!Allmypassengersleft.Youknowanythingaboutit?(Smellssomethingawful.)Hmm.Somethingsmells--itmustbeyou.

Didyouwashthismorning?

Stinky:Yes.

Driver:Hmm.Deodorant?

Stinky:Yes.

Driver:Hmm.Cleanshirt?

Stinky:Yes.

Driver:Cleanunderwear?

Stinky:Yes.

Driver:Changeyoursocks?

Stinky:Sure!Herearetheoldones!

C.P.R.

ThefirstScoutcomesoutwalkingaround,hesuddenlygrabshischestandfallstotheground.Twootherscoutscomeintalkingaboutjustcompletingtheirfirstaidmeritbadgeandfindthescoutontheground.TheyrushtohisaidandbeginC.P.R..Adjusthead,listen,feelforpulseandthenbegin(fake)compressions.Theotherscoutcounts.Afterabout3sets,theotherscoutyells"switch".Suddenlythescoutonthegroundgetsup,oneofthetwoscoutsliesdown,andtheybeginagaintoadministerC.P.R.

CamelPatrol

AScoutdressedinaturbanentersthecampfirecircle.Heplacesablanketontheground,kneelsandbeginstopry.Hepraysbybowingdownandwithhisarms

ground,kneelsandbeginstopry.Hepraysbybowingdownandwithhisarmsout-stretched,hechant"OhAllah,bringmeacamel."Repeatanumberoftimes,andthenhelooksundertheblanket.Heshakeshisheadsadlyandasksforavolunteertohelphim.ThetwokneelandpraytoAllahforacamel.Againthefirstscoutlooksundertheblanketandfindsnothing.Hecontinuestorecruitvolunteerstwoorthreeatatime,eachtimeprayingforacamel.(ifthevolunteersarenotreallyhelpingtheneggthemon.)Whenthereisnomoreroomontheblanketforvolunteersthefirstscoutsstandandsays:"Allahhasn'tsentmeacamel,buthehassentmealotofsillyjackasses!"

CampCoffeeSketch

Props:Alargecookingpotandmugsforactors

1stScout-(Walkstopotcarryinghismug.Hedipshismuginandbringsituptohislipsforadrink)"Thiscampcoffeeisgettingworse".

2ndScout-(Walkstopotcarryinghismug.Hedipshismuginandbringsituptohislipsforadrink)"Thiscampteaisgettingworse".

3rdScout-(Walkstopotcarryinghismug.Hedipshismuginandbringsituptohislipsforadrink)"Thiscamphotchocolateisgettingworse".

--14--

January1997

4thScout-(Walksuptopot,dipshishandsinandtakesoutapairofwetsocks.Ashewringsthemouthesays)"Ithoughtthatwouldgetthemclean!"

CanYouDoThis?

Cast:2People,campfireblanket

Haveonepersonliedownonhisbackandtheotherkneeldirectlyoverhim.Thetoppersonwearsthecampfireblanketsoastohidehislegsandexposethelegsofthepersonlyingdown,tocreatetheeffectofitbeingonepersonsittingdown.

ofthepersonlyingdown,tocreatetheeffectofitbeingonepersonsittingdown.

Person:Hithere!WelcometoDon'sHouseofFineExercisesandSportsMedicine.TodayI'mgoingtoaskyouaboutyourregularstretchingroutine.Canyoudothis?(Liftsupalegsothatit'sparallelwiththechest.)Orthis?(Liftsotherleg.)Andhowaboutthis?(Crossesthelegs.)Thisisanunusualone.Canyoudoit?(Bringsfeetaroundtheneck.)Andlet'snotforgetthisone.Canyoudoit?(Stretchesoutthelegsinspreadeaglefashionintheair.)(Elicitanoanswerfromavolunteer.)Well,neithercanI!(Standsup.)TheCandyShopAskfortwovolunteers,whojuststandthereinthecandyshop.

Acustomercomesinandasksforchocolatecoveredcherries.Sorry,nochocolatecoveredcherries.Peanutbrittle?Sorry,justsoldourlastpeanutbrittle.Toffee.Youmusthavetoffee.Um,well,nottoday.Licorice?Freshoutoflicorice.

Well,whatdoyouhave?"Well,allwe'vegotarethesetwosuckers."

--ThankstoBobJenkins

TheCandyStore

Thisonecanbereallyhammedupandincludedthekidwalkingupinadancekindofwayandtheoldstorekeeper,beingold,verylaboriouslyclimbingupaladder,gettingthecandyjar,comingdown,countingoutthecandies,andsoon.

Cast:Oldstorekeeper,veryyoungkid(4yearsold)

Setting:ACandyStore

Kid:(Kidwalksuptostorekeeperandasks)Iwantfiveofthosepennycandieswayupatthetop.

Storekeeper:Youmeanthosepennycandies,way,way,waaaaaayyuptop?

Kid:Yes,please.

Storekeeper:Sigh!(Kidtakesinnocentpleasureinwatchingthestorekeepergoup.)Storekeeperclimbsupandgethimfivecandies,andreceivesthefivecents.

Thisscenerepeatsitselfseveraltimesover3moredays,withthestorekeeperbeingmoreandmoretiredeachtimeandbecomingequallymorefrustrated

beingmoreandmoretiredeachtimeandbecomingequallymorefrustrateduntil,Storekeeper:Oh!Iseethatkidcoming.Iknowwhathe'scomingtoget,soI'llclimbupnowtogetthecandiesbeforehecomesinandhaveitreadyforhim.(Kidwalksin.)IbetIknowwhatyouwant.Ibetyouwantfiveofthepennycandiesfromwayuptop,right?

Kid:Nope!Nottoday!

Storekeeper:Sigh!NowIhavetoclimbbackuptoputthemaway.(Heclimbsup,putsthemaway,thencomesdown.)Now,sonny,whatwouldyouliketoday?

Kid:Iwouldlikethreeofthosepennycandieswayupatthetop!

CandyStore

Theleadergivesinstructionsforplayingcandystore.Heasksthatonepersontakealongstringandholdonandthenaddsothersuntilthereisalonglineofpeopleholdingontothestring.Thentheleaderexplainsthatthisisacandystorebecausetherearesomesuckershangingontheline.

--15--

January1997

CandyStore(variation)

Acandystoreownerenterscarryingalongpole.Heaskstwomembersoftheaudiencetoholdthepole,drapingablanketorsheetoverit,explainingthatthisisthecandystore.Onebyonecustomerscomeinaskingfordifferenttypesofcandy,toeach,theownerrepliesthathedoesn'thaveany.Finally,acustomeraskswhathedoeshave.Theownerstateshedoesn'thaveanycandyleftexceptforthesetwosuckersonastick,pullingtheblanketawayatthesametime.

ChangeUnderwear

Havetheboysmarchin,singlefile,withoneboyleadingthemlikeadrillsergeant.Thesergeanttellsthemtostopandaddressesthem.Hetellsthemhe

sergeant.Thesergeanttellsthemtostopandaddressesthem.Hetellsthemhehassomegoodnewsandsomebadnews.Thegoodnewsisthattheygetachangeofunderwear.Theboyscheerandhecutsthemoff.Thebadnewsisthattheyhavetochangeunderwearwithoneanother.Theboysgroan.

ChewingGum

Youwillneed:5CubScouts,propsshouldincludealamppost,parkbench,tree.

Scene:Parkarea,CubScoutswalkononeatatime.ThisisapantomimeskitandisgreattousewithyoungerCubScoutsandshyboys.

OneCUBwalksonstagechewingimaginarygum(useexaggeratedmotions-chewing,blowingbubbles,pullinggumoutofmouth,puttingitbackin),leansagainstlamppostforabit,takesgumoutofhismouthandsticksittothelamppost.Hethenwalksoffstage.SecondCUBcomesonstage,leansagainstlamppost,feelsgumstick,pullsthegumoffandsticksgumtobench.SecondCUBexits.ThirdCUBentersandsitsonbench.

Noticegum,pullsitoffhimselfandthrowsittotheground.FourthCUBwalksonstage,stepsingum,removesgumfromshoeandsticksittotree.Exits.FifthCUBenters,leansagainsttreeandfindsgum.Removesgumfromtreeandsticksitonthelamppost.FirstCUBentersagain.Walksuptolamppost,findsgumandsticksitbackinhismouth.Walksoffstagechewinggum.

ChinFaces

Performersarrangethemselveswiththeirheadshangingupsidedownovertheedgeofatablewithasheetorotherdrapecoveringtheirbodywithholescutoutexposingtheirmouthandchin.Placesunglassesjustbelowthechininfrontoftheneckfor"eyes."Thechinbecomesthenose,themouthisthemouth-butupsidedown,sotosmileyouneedtoactuallyfrown.The"chinface"makesashortsillyspeechorsingsaharmonioussong.Several"chinfaces"inarowcanformasinginggroupormimearecording.Variation:Havethe"chinface"beachickeninsteadofaperson.

ClimbThat

TwoScoutsmeet,andthefirstscoutbeginstobraghecanclimbanything.

Scout1:"Canyouclimbthattree?"

Scout2"SureI'vedoneitlotsoftimes."

Scout1"Canyouclimbthesteephilloverthere?"

Scout2"Nosweat,noproblemforme."

Scout1"HowabouttheEmpireStateBuilding?"

Scout2"Doneit,Didit."

Scout1"HowaboutMountEverest?"

Scout2"BoythatwasIcoldday,I'vedonethattoo.ItoldyouIamtheworld'sgreatestclimber,Icanclimbanything!"

Scout1"I'llbetyoutenbucksIcanshowyousomethingthatyoucan'tclimb."

Scout2"Youron!"

Scout1pullsoutaflashlightandshinethebeamupintothesky"allrightclimbthat!"

Scout2"Areyoucrazy?NoWay!"

Scout1"Iknewyouwouldbackout,nowpayup!"

Scout2"Iwon'tpaybecauseitsnotfair.Iknowyou,I'dstartclimbingandI'dgethalfwayandyou'dturntheflashlightoff!"

--16--

January1997

TheCompass

Props:Agoodcompassandamap

Announcer:Inthisscene,weseeaScoutmasterteachingaPatrolaboutmapsandcompass.

Scoutmaster:Nowfellows,ifyoutakeabearingfromthemapthiswayyoucannowstandupand,keepingthecompassawayfromyourbeltbuckle,walkalongthebearinguntilyoureachyourdestination.John,youtrythat.

John:(Doesasinstructed,exits,re-enters)

Scoutmaster:(Standing)Inthesamewayyoucantakeabearingonadistantobject,andusethattofindwhereyouareonthemap.Now,eachofyoutakeabearingonthatbigtreeonthehilltop.

Otherboys:(Doasinstructed,passingcompassaround,makingsuitablecomments.)Scoutmaster:(Afterafewmoments)Allright,let'sallgatheraround.Thatwrapsuptonight'scompasslesson.Thereisjustonemoreimportantpoint!Never,neverbuyaTATEScompass.

Tom:Scouter,whyshouldweneverbuyaTATEScompass?

Scoutmaster:Youknowtheoldsaying:"HewhohasaTATESislost!"

TheComplainingMonk

"IgotthisoneoffofmyPartIIScouts.TheTrainersdidawonderfuljobofitandattheblessingjustbeforethemonksayshistwowords,theAbbotwouldsay,inthetypicalchanttune,"MyfatherplaysDominoesbetterthanyourfatherdoes..."whichwasofcoursehilarious.Having,bypurecoincidence,amonksuitwithmeatthetime,mypatroldidaskitthefollowingnight("Whattheheckwasthat!")thatincorporatedamonkthatchanted,"MyfatherplaysDominoesbetterthanthosetwoguysfromlastnight..."Itofcoursebroughtthehousedown.Toobadourpunchlinenotonlywasnowhereneargoodenoughalinetofollowupbutwasalsoscrewedup."AuthorCast:Monk,Abbot,narratorScene:Abbot'soffice

Narrator:Thisskitisaboutthemonksinamonasterywhoareonlyallowedtospeaktwowordseverytenyears.Ourfriendlymonkisabouttocomeinandsayhistwowords,aftertenlongyearsofsilence.

Abbot:(Chantssomeblessing,then,)Yes,myson,whatdoyouwishtosay?

Monk:Badfood!

Narrator:Well,tenyearshavegoneby,andofcourseourfriendlymonk'stimehascomeagaintosayhistwowords.Heofcourseisnotquiteasyoungasheusedtobe,andwalksatouchmoreslowly.

Monk:Uncomfortablebed!

Narrator:Well,yetanothertenyearshavegoneby,andofcourseourfriendlymonk'stimehascomeagaintosayhistwowords.Heisreallyoldatthispoint,havingbeenatthemonasteryforthirty,long,devotedyears.

Monk:Iquit!

Abbot:I'mnotsurprised!You'vebeenhereforthirtyyearsandallyou'vedoneiscomplain!

ContagiousDiseaseWard

Thescenetakesplaceinthewaitingroomofadoctorofcontagiousandcommunicablediseases,Dr.

Ringworm,M.D.,L.S.D.,V.I.P.,L.C.B.Havefourchairsandastandformagazinesorbooks.Inwalksafellow(a)withanitchwhichhescratchesperiodicallyindifferentplaces.Hegrabsamagazineandattemptstoreadbutisdisturbsperiodicallybyhisitch.Afterawhile,asecondfellow(B)comesinwithaserioushandtwitch.BsitsnexttoA.Bgraduallystartstoscratchwiththeitch,whileA'shandstartstotwitch.Whenithasbeenwellestablishedthattheyhavecontractedeachothers'disease,athirdpersonenterswithaseriouslegtwitch.Prettysoonallthreehavethehandtwitch,legtwitch,anditchallover.afourthguycomesinbouncingallovertheplaceandshakingeverymuscleinhisbody.Theactionsofthefourguysbecomemorefranticandarebouncingaroundintheirchairs.Thenaboydressedlikeapregnantladystrollsincasuallyandtheotherfourscramblefortheirlives.

Ifpossibleordesiredhavesomejazzmusicplayinginthebackgroundforthescoutswiththediseasestokeepthebeatto.

scoutswiththediseasestokeepthebeatto.

--17--

January1997

CourtCase

Secondpersonwalksinwithasuitcase.Firstpersonalreadyonstageaskswhereheisgoingandthefirstperson'sreplyisthatheisgoingtocourt.Alittlewhilelaterhecomesinwiththecaseandalsoaladder.Thistimehesaysthathetakinghiscasetoahighercourt.

CourtScene

Guybroughtin-"I'mInnocent!Iwasjustpickinguppebblesonthebeach!"Twoormorewithsimilarstories.

Lastpersoncomesonstageeitherdressedlikeaguydressedlikeagirloragirl,saying,"Hi,I'mPebbles",inanalluringmanner.

CrazyCharlie

ThesceneissetupsothatCrazyCharlieisportrayedasbeinginamentalinstitution.It'sdinnertimeandbeforehecanaskforanyonetopassthemeat,someonecallsout37andtheroomburstsintolaughter.Momentslater57iscalledoutandmorelaughterresults.CrazyCharlieaskstheguynexttohimwhatisgoingon.Heistoldthateveryoneknowseachothersjokessowellthattheyhavenumberedthejokes.

AfterawhileCharliedecidestogiveitatrialandcall52,butnoonelaughs;thereiscompletesilence.Charlieaskshisfriendwhatiswrong.Hefriendtellshimnottoworrythatthereisn'tanythingwrong,somepeoplecantelljokesandsomepeoplecan't.

CubCookout

Characters:SeveralCubsaroundfakecampfirepretendingtocookhotdogsonsticks.TwoCubsdressedasmosquitoes--antennae,wingsetc.

Setting:Boysaroundfirekeepslappingasiftheyarebeingattackedbymosquitoesthroughouttheskit.Asthesceneopens,thetwomosquitoesenterthestageandcontinuewalkingrandomlyaroundtheboysastheydelivertheirlines.

Mosquito#1:Hey,Igotagoodone!Whichsportdowemosquitoeslikebest?

Mosquito#2:Easy!Skindiving.Say,didyouhearwhattheCubScoutsaidtothemosquito.

Mosquito#1:No,what?

Mosquito#2:Don'tbugme!

Mosquito#1:Areyourelatedtoanyofthebugsaroundhere?

Mosquito#2:Sure.Myant.

Mosquito#1:Didyouhearwhatthemothergrasshoppersaidtoherchildren?

Mosquito#2:No--tellme.

Mosquito#1:Hoptoit!

Cub#1:Thesemosquitoesareawful!LuckyIbroughttheinsectrepellent.(Pretendstosprayair.)(Mosquitoesexitquickly--chokingandgagging.)Cub#2:(Tocub#1)Say,whathas18feet,redeyes,andlongclaws.

Cub#1:Idon'tknow.

Cub#2:NeitherdoI,butit'scrawlingupyourneck.

(Allboysrunscreamingfromstage.)

CubOlympics

Characters:TVreporter,4CubathletesgettingreadyfortheCubOlympics.

Props:Frisbeefordiscuss,pileforjavelin,bagofcookies,toothbrushandbasinofwateronstand,fakemikeforreporter(canbedressedinsuitjacketandhave

ofwateronstand,fakemikeforreporter(canbedressedinsuitjacketandhaveIDforhisstationonhislapelinlargeletters)TVreporter:We'reheretodaytointerviewtheathletesatPack_____astheyprepareforthechallengeofthisyearsCubOlympics.Asyoucanimagine,ittakesmonthsoftrainingandhardworktogettheseathletesreadytoTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--18--

January1997

compete.Let'sseehowtheyarepreparingthemselvesforthebigcompetition.(turnstoCub#1withmicrophone)Tellme,howareyougettingreadyforyoureventintheOlympics?

Cub#1:I'mpracticingmythrowforthediscusevent.(demonstrateshowtothrowdiscususingFrisbee)TVreporter:Greatform!(turnstoCub#2)andyou--canyoutellushowyouarepreparingtocompete?

Cub#2:I'mpolishingmyjavelinforthejavelinthrow(polishespolewitharag.)TVreporter:Goodluck!(turnstoCub#3)Whatareyoudoingtoday?

Cub#3:I'mpracticingforthestandingbroadjump.(doesacoupleofpracticejumps)TVreporter:Fine!(turnstoCub#4)AndwhatareyoudoingtotrainfortheOlympics?

Cub#4:I'mbrushingmyteeth!(usesbasinofwaterandtoothbrush--pretendstobrushteeth)TVreporter:Brushingyourteeth!WhatOlympiceventcouldyoupossiblybetrainingfor?

Cub#4:I'mtrainingfortheInternationalOlympicCookie-Eatingevent!(pullsoutbagofcookiesandstuffssomeinhismouth.)

CubScoutSocks

Characters:Denleader,3CubScouts

Props:Apileofsocksonatable.Denleadersitsbehindtable.

Denleader:Boys,I'mpleasedtoannouncethatournewCubScoutsockshavearrived!Pleasestepupforyoursupplyofcleansocks.

Cub#1:Ineedfourpair.

Denleader:Whatdoyouneed4pairfor?

Cub#1:IneedthemforMonday,Wednesday,Friday,andSunday.

Denleader:O.K.Hereareyoursocks.Nextplease.

Cub#2:Ineedsevenpair.

Denleader:Whatdoyouneedsevenpairfor?

Cub#2:ForSunday,Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,andSaturday.

Denleader:O.K.hereareyoursocks.

Cub#3:Ineed12pairs.

Denleader:Wow,youmustreallybeacleanguy!Sowhydoyouneed12

Cub#3:Well,there'sJanuary,February,March,April...etc.

CubShop

Cast:4Shoppers,Storekeeper,Kid(inunderwear,ornightgown),fulluniformSetting:Store

#1:I'dliketobuytheCubShirt.

Storekeeper:Sure.Onemoment,please.(Youhearthekidstrugglingwiththekeeperinthebackground--

"No,youcan'thaveit!")(Comesbackwithashirt.)

#2:I'dliketobuytheaccessoriestotheCubUniform.

"No,youcan'thavethem!")(Comesbackwithaccessories.)

#3:I'dliketobuythepantstogowiththeCubUniform.

"No,youcan'thavethem!")(Comesbackwithpants.)

#4:I'dliketobuytherightkindofshoesfortheCubUniform.

"No,youcan'thavethem!")(Comesbackwithshoes.)

Kid:(Comesrunningoutinunderwear/swimsuit)HowamIsupposedtogotoCubswithoutmyuniform?

Damn!(orshouldIsayDarn?)

Cast:Director,2Workers,Cameraman,Clapperman,LightMan,Soap

Setting:OntheSettingofaMovie

--19--

January1997

Director:Okay,people!RememberwhatIsaidaboutthelanguage!Action!

Clapperman:Scene5,Take1!

Worker1:(Eatinglunchwith#2)Youknow,Gerry,thewifeisalwaysnaggingmeforsomemoremoney.

AndIjustdon'thaveit.

Gerry:Iknowwhatyoumean.The(DARN)kidsarealways...

Director:Cut!WhatdidIsayaboutthelanguage?Youknowtherules...soapinthemouth.(PantomimedirectorwashingoutGerry'smouthwithsoap.)Okay,let'strythatoneagain.Andwatchthelanguage!

Continuesthesameway,buteachtimesomethinghappenswhereadifferentpersonsays"Darn"--clappermangetsfingerscaughtinclapper(don'tdothewholesceneoveragain,ofcourse,)cameramantripswhilefilming,lightpersondropslight,#1says"thedarnwife..."Finally,thedirectorisabouttostartthesceneagainwhenhelooksathiswatch.

Director:Ohdarn.Lookatthetime...

Cast&Crew:Cut!Youknowtherules...(Pantomimewashingoutmouthwithsoap)DancingKneeDolls

Paintfacesonthekneesoftheperformers.Usedresses(orpantsandshirt)todressthelegsasdollswiththearmsbulgingout.Theclothescanbemadeoutofcrepepaper,cloth,orrealclothing.Covertheupperlegsandbodywithasheet.Directaflashlight(spot)ontoeachknee.

TheDangerousTent

Cast:2guys,2bikers

Setting:Campground

#1:Well,timetogotobed.ANDIGETTHETENT!(Beatsuplittleguy.)

#2:But...Ohwell,it'snouse.(Hesetsuphissleepingbagunderthestars.)Bikers:(Makemotorcyclenoises&comein.)Ha!Ha!Let'sbeatupthisguy!(Theybeatuplittleguy.)Nextmorning,#2:Hey!Lastnightsomebikerscamehereandbeatmeup!

#1:You'rejustjealousthatItookthetent.Beaman.

Thenextnightandmorning,thesameroutineoccurs,withthelittleguycomplainingevenmore.Finally,thebigguyletsthelittleguyhavethetent,withmuchadoabouthimbeingawimp.Thatnight,Bikers:(Makemotorcyclenoises&comein.)Youknow,Ithinkwe'vebeatupontheguyoutsideenoughthepast

&comein.)Youknow,Ithinkwe'vebeatupontheguyoutsideenoughthepasttwonights.Let'sbeatuptheguyinsidethetenttonight!

TheDeadBody

NumberofParticipants:2

Scene:Onepersonlyingontheground,dead.Anotherseeshimandrunsforthetelephoneand,panicking,gasps:"Police,there'sadeadpersonhere...Where?....Uh,(lookingforasign),"I'matMontgomeryandWestchester...Spellit?...Uh,M-o-t-n...Uh,M-o-t-g,,"(confused),"Justaminute,I'lldraghimovertoKingandElm!"

TheDenMother'sBouquet

Characters:SixCubScoutsinsummeruniformorCubScoutT-shirts.

Scene:Anaturewalk.

Props:Cub-fashionedbouquet,withstrandsofivy.

Cub1:Gee,Fellas.Idon'tthinkMrs.Brown'shavingaverygoodtime.

Cub2:Well,youdidn'thelpthingsmuch,givingherthatgartersnake.

Cub3:Iwasjusttryingtohelphercollectstuffforournaturedisplayatpackmeeting.

Cub4:Yeah...andyouheardwhatshesaid!"Nothin'everagain,thatmovesbyitself."

Cub3:So...nowIknowbetter!

Cub5:Don'tworryaboutathing,youguys.I'mgonnafixeverything.

Cub6:Yeah?How?

--20--

January1997

Cub5:Well,youknowhownuttywomenareaboutflowers?So,Ipickedherthisneatbunchofflowers...(heholdsupbouquet,withtrailingstrandsofivy)...See?

Cub6:Ohno...(wails).We'llnevergettogoonanotherhike!

Cub5:Howcome?

Cub6:Cause...that'spoisonivy!!

DidYouHaveV-8?

Cast:Weakling,threeorfourThugs,OldLady,Director,Cameraman

Setting:StreetCornerSetinaStudio

Weakling:Hithere.I'madvertisingthegreateffectsthiswonderfulvegetablecocktail,V-8,hasonyourstamina.You,Sir.(Toatoughlookingthug.)DidyouhaveyourV-8today?

Thug:Duh,no.Realmendon'tdrinkV-8.

Weakling:Suretheydo.Watch!(Hebeatsupthug.)See?IhadmyV-8today!

YouSir!DidyouhaveyourV-8today?

Thug2:(Hascrowbar)No,Idon'tneedit!

Weakling:Sureyoudo.(Hebeatsupthug.)YoucantellIdo!AndyouSir!DidyouhaveyourV-8today?

Thug3:AskmeagainandI'llbeatyouup.

Weakling:Heh,heh.DidyouhaveyourV-8today?(Thugtriestobeathimup,butweaklingtakescareofhimnoproblem.)Soyousee,havingyourV-8isgreatforyou.

Anoldladywalksin;weaklinglookspuzzled,whisperstodirectorsayinghehadn'theardaboutanoldladyinthescript;directorsaystogoonandaskheranyway.

anyway.

Weakling:Excuseme,Ma'am.DidyouhaveyourV-8today?

Oldlady:Asamatteroffact,youngman,Idid--andI'llproveit!(Shebeatshimup.)DinnerSpecial

Characters:twocustomers,waiter.LetactorsdevelopactionsanddialoguefromthesituationProps:tablewithtablecloth,candles,menus,etc.Mostimportant-astorybookTwocustomersenterafancyseafoodrestaurant,studythemenus,etc.WaiterarrivestotakeordersOnecustomerordersshrimp,thesecondsays,"I'dlikealobstertail,please."

Waitersaysappropriatethings,goesaway,returnswithastorybook,sitsdownnearcustomertwobutfaceaudienceandbeginstoread;"Onceuponatime,therewasalittlelobster...."

Doctor!Doctor!

Thesecrettosuccesswiththisseriesofquickiesistokeepthemmovingalong.Youcanhaveonedoctoranddifferentpatients,butitmayaddgreaterrushandflurryifadifferentdoctorandpatientflyinandoutforeachquickie.

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!Ifeellikeasetofdrapes.

Doc:Pullyourselftogether!

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!AmIgoingtodie?

Doc:That'sthelastthingyou'lldo.

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!Everyonekeepsignoringme.

Doc:Next!

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!Mybackfeelslikeadeckofcards!

Doc:I'lldealwithyoulater.

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!What'swrongwithme?

Doc:Haveyouhadthisbefore?

Pat:Yes.

Doc:Well,you'vegotitagain!

Doc:You'lllivetobe80.

Pat:Iam80.

Doc:See!

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!I'vegotinsomnia.

Doc:Don'tloseanysleepoverit!

--21--

January1997

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!Myfriend'sdoctortoldhimhehadappendicitisand,twoweekslater,myfrienddiedofheartfailure.

Doc:Don'tworry.IfItellyouyou'vegotappendicitis,you'lldiefromappendicitis!

Doctor'sOffice

Firstpatientcomesinhiccupingandaskstoseethedoctor.Thesecondpatientcomesincross-eyed,withasillylookonhisface.Thethirdpersoncan'tcontrolhismusclesandisalljittery.Theyareallaskedtositdown.

Thefirstpersonisaskedtogoin.Thereisarealcommotionandthepatientcomesoutfine.Thesamethinghappenstothesecondandthirdpatients.Thenursetellsthedoctoritistimetogohome.Thedoctoremergeswiththesymptomsofallhispatientsandgoesoffstage.

DoggieDoctor

Apersoncomestoapsychologistandsaysthatheneedshelp,hethinksthatheisadog,holdinguphishandslikeadogbegging.Throughouttheskitthepersonactinglikeadog,doesdog-likethings,likescratchingbehindhisear,whining,etc.Doctoraskshowlonghehashadthisproblem.Eversincehewasapuppyisthereply.Thedoctorasksifhewilllieonthecouchbutthepersonsaysthathecan'tsincehecan'tgetonthefurniture.Doctor'sadviceistomakesurethathegetsallhisshotsanddon'tgochasinganycars.

DoggieDoo

Cast:Twofriends,doggiedoo

Setting:Street

Twofriendsarewalkingalongthestreet,perhapshavingaconversationaboutsomething,talkingaboutamovieorthelatesthockeyscores,whenallofasudden--John:HeyFrank!Watchout!Thatmaybedoggiedoo!Smellittoseeifitsmellslikedoggiedoo!

Frank:(Smellsit)Yep!Smellslikedoggiedoo!

John:Touchittoseeifitfeelslikedoggiedoo!

Frank:(Touchesit)Yep!Feelslikedoggiedoo!

John:Tasteittoseeifittasteslikedoggiedoo!

Frank:(Tastesit)Yep!Tasteslikedoggiedoo!

John:Well!It'sagoodthingwecheckedanddidn'twalkinit!

TheDumbActors

"Ioncedirectedthisskitand,havingprepareditwiththekidsafewweekspriortotheactualcampfire(andthekidsbeingfromanothergroup),I'dforgottenthatIhadtoarrangefortheirbrooms.Sointhemiddleoftheskit,Irememberedaboutthebroomsandquicklyranintothecampkitchentogetthebrooms!

"Itseemstomethatthisoneperhapscouldusealittle"settingthescene"--perhapsstartoffwiththe"actors"

standingaroundonbreak,andtheDirectorcallingthemin,sayingthatthey'dhadenoughtimealready.Onthatnote,Ionceparticipatedinthepresentationofthisskit.Iwasafifthcleanerwhowassortofonbreak,sortofworking.Ihadacoffeecup,abroom,sometowels,etc.Iwouldgoupandcleanthecamera,sweeparoundthesonwhowaslyingontheground,occasionallytrytointerrupt,butnotquitemanageto,etc.Afteraverbatimpresentationasfollows,Iaddedin,"Yeahguys,let'sgetbacktowork!"

"Otherwiseknownas"AttheMovies"fromtheLeaderMagazine--textfromtheBestoftheLeaderMagazineCutOutPages."AuthorCast:Director,OthersinaStudio(ClapperBoard,LightingMen),Mother,Son,Doctor,Undertaker,broomsfortheactors

Director:Lights,Camera,Action!

Clapper:Sceneone,Takeone!

Theactorsplaythescenewithouttheleastsignofemotionaslightingpeoplefollowandcameramanfilms.

Motherisflippingpancakesatthestovewhensonwalksin.

Son:Mom,Idon'tfeeltoowell.(Hecollapses)

Mom:(Goesover,looksatson.)Oh,I'dbettercallthedoctor.(Movestothephone,dialsmakingclick,click,clicksounds.)Doctor,comequick.Myson'scollapsed.

--22--

January1997

Doctor:(Enters,checkspulseandbreathing.)He'sdead.I'dbettercalltheundertaker.(Goestophone,dialsmakingdialingsoundslikeMomdid.)

undertaker.(Goestophone,dialsmakingdialingsoundslikeMomdid.)Undertaker,you'dbettercome.Ihaveadeadbodyhere.

Undertaker:(Entersandbeginstomeasurethebody.)

Director:(Jumpsup.)Cut!Cut!Thatwasterrible.YouhadnoemotionAT

ALL!Let'sdoitagain.Thistime,givememoreemotion!

Cast:(Exiting)Right.Moreemotion.

Director:Lights,Camera,Action!

Clapper:Sceneone,TakeTwo!

Theactorsredothescene,usingexactlythesamewords,butwithgreathammyhistrionics.Momweepsuncontrollablythroughout,sondiesverydramatically,etc.AtthesamepointasinTakeOne,theDirectoryells,"Cut!Cut!"

Director:Thatwasbetter,buttoofast.Let'stryagain.Thistime,slowitdown.Lights,Camera,Action!

Clapper:Sceneon,Takethree!

Theactorsredothesceneinslowmotion--talkingslowly,mowingslowly.Forexample,whenthetelephoneisdialeditgoesclick...click...click...andafterthedoctorcheck'stheson'spulse,theson'shandfallsslowlybacktothefloor,etc.TheDirectoryells"Cut!"intheusualplace.

Director:Thatwasfartooslow!Let'sspeeditup!

Thistimetheactorsdothescenesoquicklythatthesonthrowshimselftotheground,thedoctoristherebeforeMomcanhangup,andsoon.

Director:(Atthesameplace)Cut!Thatwasabsolutelyterrible!Actors?Doyoucallyourselvesactors!!??

Cast:Actors?Whosaidanythingaboutactors?We'rethecleaners!(Allpickupbroomsandexit.)EasterBunny

TheEasterBunnyisoutdeliveringhiseggsandthepolicearresthimforbreakingandenteringahouse.Thepolicedon'tbelievethatheistheEaster

breakingandenteringahouse.Thepolicedon'tbelievethatheistheEasterBunny,butfinallydecidetobelievehimandlethimgo.Hedecidestofinishdeliveringandtriestoenteranotherhousewhereanoldladyormanaccuseshimofstealing.TheBunnysays,"Ohno,notagain!"andisrunoffthestagebytheoldladyswingingastickorumbrella.

TheEcho

Theclubleaderannouncesduringthesingingthathehasnoticedanechointheroomandheisgoingtotryitout(alsocouldbeonahikeoverlookingacanyon).Thefollowingisadialoguebetweentheleaderandtheecho-

apersonoutoftheroomoroutofsight.

Leader:Hello

Echo:Hello

Leader:Cheese

Echo:Cheese

Leader:Bologna

Echo:(silence)

Leader:(togroup)Itmustnotbeworkingnow.I'lltryagain.(toecho)Thisleaderisgreat.

Echo:Bologna

Echo,again!

AScoutentersthecampfirearea,walksaroundandcollapsestotheground.Helaysthereseriouslyillanddying.Soonanotherscoutentersandfindstheillscout.Hescreamsout:"Thereissomeonelyinghere!"thentheechoeffectfromoutsideofthecampfirearea.Soonthescoutcallsout,"Ithinkheisill!",echoeffect.Hecontinues,"Ithinkheisveryill!"echoagain.TheScoutbeginningtopanicscreamsout"Heisdying"withtheechoesresponding.Finallythescoutcallsout"HeisDead!".Butthistimetheechoesrespondinunison,"Itsabouttime!"

--23--

January1997

EchoPoint

Oncemodifiedthistosuitaspacetheme--itwasatouraroundthegalaxytodifferentplanets,peopletraveledinaspaceshiptogetfromplanettoplanet(adrawingoftheUSSEnterprise,noless,)andtheywentbacktothestarbase.Butessentialdetailsofthedialogue,andofcourse,thejokeitself,wereexactlythesame.

Cast:Guide,Tourists,Echohiddeninthebushes

Setting:ATouroftheCountryside

Youmightwanttolengthenitabitatfirst,totellamorecompletestory,butforthesakeofbrevity,youmightnot.

Guide:(Totouristgroup)AndthisoverhereisthefamoussitewhereJohnSmithfirstdiscoveredgold.Nowifyou'llfollowme,we'llbegoingtoEchoPointnext.(Walksaroundabitwithgroup.)Hereitis.WhatmakesEchoPointsospecialisthatwheneveryoucalloutthenameofafood,itwillechothreetimes.Listen.Yogurt!

(Echo:"Yogurt!Yogurt!Yogurt!")See?Now,wouldanybodyelseliketotry?

Tourist#1:Iwould.Banana!(Echo:"Banana!Banana!Banana!")Tourist#2:Salad!(Echo:"Salad!Salad!Salad!")Hey!Neato!

Tourist#3:Iwanttotry.Baloney!(Echo:"Baloney!Baloney!"--ONLYTWICE!)Guide:(Afterapause,)That'sstrange--it'sneverrepeatedafoodonlytwice.Maybeweshouldwaitamomentmore.(Pause--nothinghappens.)I'msoembarrassed.Well,Iguessweshouldgobacktothebase,wherethefoodissogood!

Echo:Baloney!

ElevatedGum

Aboyenterschewinggum,actinglikeabusinessman,withabriefcaseetc.Walksupandentersaelevator,sticksgumonthewall.Akidlisteningtorock&rollonhisportablestereo,dancesintotheelevator,leansonwall,handsstickstogum.Trieshardtopullhandoffthewall.Thekidlooksatthegum,stretchesit,pickshisnose,sneezes,etc.;allgettingonthegum.Throwsthegumatthebackoftheelevatorwhereitsticks.Dumb,spacey,jockstereotypeentertheelevator,leansonthebackwallandthegumgetsstucktothefollowingplaces:firstheadandelevator,thenheadandhand,bothhands,footandbothhands,bothfeetandhands,hands,knees,andhandtoface.Hefinallygetsfreeandsticksgumbackonsidewall.BusinessmanenterstheelevatoraftertheJockleaves,seegumanddecidestochewitagain,thenleaves.

TheElevator

Thesceneopenswithanelevatoroperatorintoning"GroundFloor".Apassengergetsonandbeginstojiggleslightly.Theelevatoroperatorintoneseachfloorwithadescriptionofwhat'sonthatfloor.Apassengergetsonateachfloorandbeginstojiggleaswell.Astheelevatorgetshigherthepassengersbegintojigglemore.Whenthetopfloorisreachedthepassengersbegintojigglelikemad,theoperatorintonesbathroomsandtheyallrushquicklyoff.Theoperatorsuddenlylooksfunny,beginstojiggle,shouts"METOO!"andrunsoffthestage.

EmergencyRoomDoctor

Thesceneisanemergencyroomatahospital.TheDoctoristotallyselfabsorbed,combinghair,lookinginmirroretc.Aguyrunsin,ahikerwithabranchstuckinhisstomach.Heisscreaminginagony.theDoctorinsiststhathemustaskhimsomequestionsbeforeanythingcanbedone.Thepatientscreamsthatheislosingblood.

Thedoctorcontinuesaskingquestionssuchaswherehelives,pastillnesses,typeofhouse,howhegotthereetc.

AphoneringsandtheDoctorisinvitedouttolunch.TheDoctorrunsoffleavingthewoundedmanwrithingonthefloor.Astupidlookingjanitorwithabroomwandersbyandpullsthebranchout.Thepatientstandsup,saysthanksandleaves.

leaves.

TheEnlargingMachine

Preparation:Decidewhichobjectswillbeenlarged,andcollectbothlargeandsmallversions.Forexample:Adimebecomesaquarter.

Astringbecomesacoilofrope.

AnewspaperpagebecomestheSundaypaper.

Setupasheetasabackdrop,andhideaScoutbehinditwiththelargeobjectsandabucketofwater.TheProfessorwillbeinfrontofthesheetwiththesmallobjects.Ifitisdark,youwillneedaspotlightontheaction.

TheSkit

--24--

January1997

TheProfessorwalksoutandannouncesthathehasdevelopedawonderfulEnlargingMachinethatwillmakeanything-anything-bigger.AstheScoutbehindthemachinemakes'machine'noises,heexplainsthatthemachineisoperatedsimplybytossinganobjectoverthesheet.Themachinewillthenreturntheobjectinamuchlargerform.

TheProfessorwilldemonstratehisfantasticinvention,butheneedsvolunteerstohelp.Onebyone,thevolunteerscomeforward.TheProfessorhandsthemanobjectwhichtheythrowoverthesheet.Themachinethenmakesnoises,andthelargerobjectistossedback.Eachtime,theProfessorexclaimsaboutthevalueandcapabilityofthemachine.

ThelastvolunteeristheScapegoat,whoisvolunteeredbytheProfessorandthecrowd.TheProfessortakestheScapegoatbythearmandleadshimtowardtheaudienceandawayfromthesheet.Intonesofgreatsecrecy,theProfessorencourageshimtohavesomefunwiththemachineandspitoverthesheet.They

encourageshimtohavesomefunwiththemachineandspitoverthesheet.Theyreturntothesheet,andtheScapegoatspits.Heisinstantlydrenchedbyabucketofwater.

Variation

TheProfessorcantalkoutloudaboutanobject,butactuallyhandtheScapegoatacupofwater.Byhisactions,heimpliesthatheandtheScapegoataregoingtosurprisetheScoutbehindthemachine.Thiscanhaveseveraloutcomes;theScoutcanbesurprised;theScapegoatcangetwetanyway;ortheProfessorcangetwet,tohissurprise.

EskimoPie

Scene:GroupofCubScoutsaroundatable.

Props:Pingpongball,sponge,whitegolftees,panwithicecreambarsinthebottom.

Cub1:Isn'titgreatourleaderislettingusmakeapieforourdenmeetingtreat?

Cub2:Sureis.Idon'tknowwhatkindofpieitis,butherearethedirections.

Cub3:Let'ssee,firstyouputinthesewalruseyes.

Cub4:Walruseyes?Areyousure?

Cub3:Sayssorighthere.(Putspingpongballsinpan.)

Cub5:OK,nextputinapoundofblubber.

Cub4:Apoundofblubber?Areyousure?

Cub5:That'swhatitsaysintherecipe.(Putsinwhitesponges.)

Cub6:Thenextthingtoaddaretwodozenpolarbearteeth.

Cub4:Idon'tbelievethat.Whywouldyouputteethinapie?

Cub3:Hey,youhavetohaveteethtoeatapie!

Cub4:Ohyeah,goahead.

Cub6:Heregotheteeth.(Putsingolftees.)

Cub1:Nowweletitfreezeforonehour.(Putlidonpan.)

Cub2:(Holdupsignthatsays"onehourlater".)

Cub1:Let'sseewhatwe'vegot.(Uncoverspot.)

All:(Lookintopanandexclaim.)Eskimopies!!!!(Pullouticecreambars,openandeat.)TheFailedReporter

"I'mareporter.Ihavebeenfor12years.Andinallthattime,I'veneverhadarealscoop.Never.I'mafailure.I'vedonethislongenough,sonowI'mgoingtojumpoffthisbridgeandkillmyself.One,two,..."

"Wait!Wait!Whyareyoujumping?"

"I'mafailedreporter.I'veneverhadarealscoop."

"Oh.Youthinkyouhaveitbad,I'matruckdriver,andI'vegothemorrhoids.IthinkI'lljoinyou."

"One,two,..."

"Wait!Whatareyoualldoing?""We'recommittingsuicide.""Oh,I'magradeschoolteacher.IjustrealizedthatIcan'tstandwhineylittlekids.IthinkI'lljoinyou."

"One,two,..."

"Wait!Whatareyoudoing?""We'recommittingsuicide.""WellI'maflorist,andI'vegothayfever."sneeze!"IthinkI'lljoinyou."

"One,two,..."

"Wait!Whatareyoudoing?""We'recommittingsuicide.""I'madentist,hicandI'vehadthehiccupsforthelasthicfiveyears.Wouldyoulikeatoothremovedhic?"Heholdsoneofthosepointydentistthings,andeachtimehehicshishandsjerkaround"No!""ThenIthinkI'llhicjoinyou."

--25--

January1997

"One!Two!Three!!!"Theyalljump,exceptforthereporter.

"Fourpeoplejumptotheirgrislydeaths!Whatascoop!"Herunsoffstage,scribblingfuriouslyonhisnotepad.

TheFire

Youneedtwoplayersandabehind-scenespersontomovethefire(anartificialcampfirewithinvisiblestringsattached).

Theplayerssitbythefire,reading,doingapuzzle,etc.Thefiremovesslightly.Theydon'tnotice.Itmovesagain;theydon'tnotice.Thiscontinuesuntil,finally,thefireispulledoffstage.Atthatpoint,oneoftheplayerslooksattheotherandsays,"Lookslikethefire'sgoneoutagain!"

--ThankstoScouting(UK)magazine

Firebuilding

Whenweenteredthecampfiretheaterthefirstfourscoutswalkedinwithlargecansfilledonlywithtornupnewspaper.TheStaffimmediatelynoticedandgaveustheirattention.Oneortwocameovertoseewhatwasup.Weletthemexaminethecansandtheyfoundonlypaper.Aseveryonewasseated,theleadersdeliveredadditionalcans,thesehadwaterballoonscoveredwithpaper.Ieventhrewsomepaperintheairaswedeliveredthecans.Duringtheotherskits,Isatdownwithstaffcarryingadummycanandleftitthere.Nowfortheskit:Havefourvolunteersstandacrossfromeachotherwitharmsonshouldersmakingasquare.TheNextfourvolunteersbendoverwiththeirrearspushedoutandtheirarmsaroundthewaistofthefourwhoarestanding.

TheNextfourgetbehindthekneesofthefourbentover,onallfours.Theannouncercontinuestotalkaboutfirelaysandtheimportanceofbuildingagreatfirelay.Hamthisupandjokeaboutthefunnylogsthescoutshavebrought

greatfirelay.Hamthisupandjokeaboutthefunnylogsthescoutshavebroughtforthefirelay.Witheverythinginplace,theannouncerremindsalloffiresafetyandthatyoumustalwaysputoutthefirewhenyouarefinished.(atthispointtheseniorstaffmemberwasheardassuringtheothers,nofear,itsonlypaper)TheStaffwasthenproperly"putout"!Itwasagreatsalesjob,andworkedsowell.

BestskitandBestconatsummercamp.--

--ThankstoMerlWhitebook,Troop1,Tulsa,Okla.

TheFiringSquad

Afiringsquadlinesupwithaprisoner.Theleaderofthefiringsquadcallsout"Ready...Aim..."Theprisonershouts,"Tornado!"Thesoldiersallrunforcoverandtheprisonerescapes.ASecondprisonerisbroughtout,theleadercallsout"Ready...Aim..>"andtheprisonershouts,"Landslide!",thefiringsquadrunsforcoverandtheprisonerescapesagain.Repeatthisforothernaturaldisasters.Thelastprisonerisbroughtoutandhavingseentheotherprisonersescapedecidestodothesamethingexceptheyells"Fire"andthefiringsquaddoes.

Version2:

Probablytakenfrom"YouCan'tDoThatonTelevision."

Cast:Riflesquad,Commander,Persontobeexecuted

Setting:Jail

Personabouttoexecutedisstandingatpole,doingacrosswordpuzzle.

Commander:Ready,aim...Whatareyoudoing?

Person:Thecrosswordpuzzlefromtoday'sNewYorkTimes.Arealtoughone.

Commander:DidyouknowI'mabouttohaveyouexecuted?

Person:Sure.Here...afourletterwordmeaningburning...Hmm...Doyouhaveanyidea?

Commander:Fourletters--burning--(takespuzzle,walksinfrontofpole,personsneaksaway)--F-I-R-E!

personsneaksaway)--F-I-R-E!

FIRE!Itfits!

Firingsquadshootsandhebucklesoverwithoneofthoseknowinglooksonhisface.

FishMarket

Twopeople,oneafishermanandtheotherafishmarketmanagercomeonstageandholdalongcordbetweenthem.Thefishmarketmanattemptstocallthefishermanonthetelephonetoseeifhehasanyfishtoday,thefishermanactsasifhecan'thearhim.VolunteersarebroughtoutoftheaudienceandholdthecordbetweenthefishmarketmanandthefishermanoneortwoatatimewiththemarketmanattemptingtocalleachTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--26--

January1997

time.Whenseveralpeopleareholdingtheline,themarketmanisabletocommunicatewiththefisherman.Thefishermansaysthathedoesn'thaveanytroutbuthedoeshavealotofsuckershangingonalineshowingthelinethevolunteersareholdingup.

Fishin'

Centerstageisaladfishingfromabillycanorbucket,hekeepspullingtherodasthoughhehassomethingontheline.Apasserbylooksathimashewalksbyandthenwalkson,afterafewstepsthepasserbycomesbacktothelad.

Passerby:"Whatareyoudoingtherethen?"

Fisher:"I'mfishing,whatdoesitlookasthoughI'mdoing?"

Passerby:"Fishingeh!,whatareyoufishingfor."

Fisher:"I'mfishingforsuckers."

Passerby:"Haveyoucaughtany?"

Fisher:"Yesyou'rethethirdtoday"

Fishing

(Thesceneopenswiththetwoplayersrowinganimaginaryboat.)

Andrew:Whew!Itsureisalongwayouthere.

Robert:Yep.(putshandtoeyes)Ican'tseetheshoreanymore.Readytostartfishing?

Andrew:Ithinkso.Lookslikeagoodspottome.

(Bothreadyimaginaryrods,reels,hooks,worms,etc.,andstartfishing.Immediatelytheybothstarttocatchfish,recastandcatchmore.Continueforseveralcasts.)Andrew:Itoldyouthiswouldbeagoodspot.

Robert:Sureis,theboat'sfull.Guesswehaveourlimit..Bettergetback.

Andrew:O.K.(getsoarsready)

Robert:Didyouuseamaptogethere?

Andrew:Nope.

Robert:Howareweevergonnafindourwaybacktomorrow?

Andrew:Oh,that'seasy.I'lljustmarkthespotwithabigXrighthereonthesideoftheboat!(makesmark-

bothrowawayquickly)

FishingonaParkBench

Threeguysaresittingonaparkbench.Gooberisquietlyreading,Gomerispretendingtoswiminalake(jumpsoffbenchandswimsaround).Gopherispretendingtobefishing,reelingfishafterfish.Policemancomesinandwatchesthem.PolicemanasksGooberifheknowstheothertwomen.Goobersaystheyarehisfriends.

ThepolicemanthinksGooberoughttotakecareofhisfriends.Goobersaysokayandaskstheotherstoclimbintohisboat.ThepolicemanaskGooberwhatheis

andaskstheotherstoclimbintohisboat.ThepolicemanaskGooberwhatheisdoing:Goobersays:"Somebodyhastorowtheboat"pretendstorowoffstage(thepolicemanstaringafterthem,shakinghisheadindisbelief).

FishingSuccess

Fiveorsixfishermensitontheendofthedock(chairs),castingandwindingintheirlines.Onefishermaniscatchingallthefish:theothershavenoluck.Inturn,theunluckyonesaskthesuccessfulfishermanwhyhe'sdoingsowell.Eachtime,hemumblesareplywithoutopeninghismouth,andnobodycantellwhatheissaying.

Theotherfishermangetmoreirritated.Aftereachquestion,thefishermancatchesanotherfish,biggerthanthelast.(hamthisup)Theothergripeandprotest.Whenthelastpersonasksthequestion,thesuccessfulfishermansighs,spitsintohishand,andsays,"Youhavetokeepthewormswarm."

--27--

January1997

TheFishingTrip

Cast:4to8CubScouts.

Props:Fishinggear,asmallrowboatorcardboardsilhouetteofaboat,andasignthatsays"boatdock".

Setting:Thescenestartswiththeboatabout10feetawayfromtheboatdock.TheCubScoutsandtheirDenChiefareontheirwaytogofishing.ThefirstCubstopsatthedockthenwalksoutacrossthewaterandgetsintheboat.

Boy2:Heywaitforme!(hewalksouttotheboat)

DenChief:Ohwell...(stepsintothewaterandpretendstofallinanddragshimselfbacktoshore)Boy3:Heywaitup.HereIcome(walksouttotheboat)TheDenChieftriesandfailsagain.ThesequencecontinuesuntilalltheboysareintheboatandonlytheDenChiefremainsonshore.Finally,oneoftheCub

intheboatandonlytheDenChiefremainsonshore.Finally,oneoftheCubScoutssays:"Shouldwetellhimwheretherocksare?"

Flasher

Onememberseemstobewearingnothingbutanovercoatinfrontofthecampfire.Aseachscoutapproachedhim,hewould(withhisbackturnedtotheaudience)flashthe"innocent"bystander.Eachtimethatheflashed,thepersonwouldeitherbefrightenedofforelserolldownahillinuncontrolledhysterics.Afterhisthirdvictimheturnedtothecrowdandasked"Heywhat'sthedeal?"Revealingthathewaswearingshortswithaletter-sizedphotocopyofthefaceoftheleader,campdirectororthelike.Onceagainshowingthatit'snotalwayssohottobepopularFlea

Boysstandinginaline,firstboyscratches,thensecondondowntheline,lastboyfeelsitandsays"OhthereyouareMarvin,I'vebeenlookingalloverforyou.You'vegottostophoppingaround,Marvin(boyactsasthoughMarvinhashoppedaway)youcomebackhere.(goesoutintotheaudiencelookingandtouchingpeople)ThereyouareMarvin,you'vegottostayhere(looksatpretendspeck)Heyyouaren'tMarvin,(putsitbackintotheaudience)OhMarvinwhereareyou?

TheFleaCircus

Characters:Ringmaster,CubScoutsinUniform(anynumber).

RINGMASTER:LadiesandGentlemen,weareproudtointroducetheDen_____FleaCircus.WewillnowpresentHugo,whowillwalkthetightrope.Whenhereachesthecenter,hewillturnadoublesomersault.Maywehavesilence,please?

[TwoCubsstretchastring.ThirdCubplaces"flea"onthestring.Cubsfollowmovementoffleawithexaggeratedheadmovements,asitwalkstothecenterofthestring,andturnsthesomersault.Oneboywithhismouthopengetstooclosetothestringandgulpsasifhehadswalloweda"flea".)FIRSTCUB:[Putshandovermouth,gulpsloudly.]IswallowedHugo![Beginstocryandleavesstage.]

RINGMASTER:Err...uh...well...Onwiththeshow.Ournextactisabouttobegin.Homerwilljumpfromthisboy'shandintoadishofwater.Keepinmindthesizeofthistinyfellow.

[Boymakesmotionoftossing"flea"intodish,thenretrieveshiminhand.]

RINGMASTER:Welldone,Homer.Givethelittleguyabighand.

[Boyclapsquickly,forgettingHomer...looksshocked,andslowlypartshands,sobsandrunsoffstage.

RINGMASTER:Toobad.Butwemustcomposeourselves.OurnextfabulousactfeaturesHector,theweightliftingFlea.Hectoristhestrongestfleaintheworld.Thatrockmaynotseemlargetoyou,butthinkofhowsmallHectoris...comparehissizetothesizeofthisrock.

[BoyputsHectorontable,proudlypointstohim,flexesmuscles,andpointstoHectoragain.]

RINGMASTER:[Toboy]Holdupthatrocksotheaudiencecangetabetterlookatit.

[Boyholdsuprockinonehandforaudiencetosee...thenplopsrockbackdownontablewithoutlooking.

LooksaroundforHector,picksuprockandfindssmashedHector.]

BOY:Hector!Hector![Sobs,hangshead,andleavesstage.]

RINGMASTER:Weseemtobehavingabitofhardluck.Buttheshowmustgoon.InowintroduceHarry,thebare-backridingflea.

[Boyremovesshirt,thenpretendstoplace"flea"onhisbareback,thenrunsoffstageyelling.]

BOY:Hangon,Harry![Looksovershoulderwhilerunningoffstage.]

--28--

January1997

RINGMASTER:[Relieved.]Hemadeit!AndnowHiramandHillarywill

RINGMASTER:[Relieved.]Hemadeit!AndnowHiramandHillarywillperformtheirworldfamoustrapezeact.HillarywillmakeatriplesomersaultandHiramwillcatchher.

[Boysholduptrapezemadeofsodastrawswithastringthroughthem.Twoboyseachholdone.Thirdboyplaces"flea"ontrapezeandbegintoswingit.]

RINGMASTER:Theretheygo!Watchthemswing!Hillaryletsgo,she'sturningasomersault.One,two,three,andHiramcatch..er..missesher!

[BoysbeginlookingforHillaryonthefloor.]

BOY:Theresheis!Pointstofloornearsecondboy.]

SECONDBOY:Where?[Takesastepwhereotherboypointed.]

BOY:Youjuststeppedonher!Ohwell,sheneededmorepractice,anyway.Say,[toRingmaster]wehaveanotherfleaactforyou.He'samaneatingflea![Opensbox]Oops,hegotaway!

[Ringmasterbeginstoscratchfrantically,yellshelpseveraltimes,andrunsoffstage.(Preferablyintoaudience.;))

BOYS:[Chasinghim]Hey!Bringbackourflea!Wewantourflea!

[Curtain]

--FromtheTheodoreRooseveltCouncil1989PowwowBook.ThankstoChuckBramlet,ASMTroop323,ThunderbirdDistrict,GrandCanyonCouncil,Phoenix,AzFloratheFlea

Cast:Performer

TheperformerisputtinghistrainedfleaFlorathroughallhertricks,explainingallhertricksasshedoesthem.

Hiseyesfolloweveryflip,jump,etc.assheperformsandlandsbackinhishand.Theheaskshertojumptotheceiling.Hiseyesloseherandshedoesn'treturn.Helookshighandlow(perhapswiththehelpofafriend)butcan'tfindher.Finallyhelooksinsomeone'shair.

Performer:(Delighted)Flora!Thereyouare!I'msogladtohaveyouback.

Performer:(Delighted)Flora!Thereyouare!I'msogladtohaveyouback.(looksmoreclosely.)Butsay...

thisisn'tFlora!

AlternateEnding...whenFlorahasdoneallhertricks,

Performer:Let'shearabigroundofapplauseforFlora!(Beginstoclap,thenstops,horrified,realizingwhathe'sdone.)

FlyintheSoup

Customer:Waiter,waiter,there'saflyinmysoup!

Waiter:(Enters,verysnooty,peeringintothesoup)Oh,yes,youarerightsir.Thatwillbeanextra25centsforthemeat.

Customer:Butwaiter,he'sswimmingalloverthetop!

Waiter:(Stillsnooty)Youareright,sir.Itdoesn'tknowit'safly,sir.It'sdoingtheButterflystroke.

Customer:Well,IthinkitmustbeanAustralian!

Waiter:Whydoyousaythatsir?

Customer:BECAUSEIT'SDOWNUNDERNOW!

FlyingHigh

BoysonaflighttoGermanyorotherdestination.Theyactupandreallygivethestewardessorsteward(denleader,11yearoldpatrolleaderetc.)ahardtime.Finally,oneofthembumpsintoher/himandknocksatrayonhim/her.Thesteward/stewardesssmilesandsays,"Whydon'tyouboysjustrunoutsideandplay."

FlyintheSoup

Customer:Waiter,waiter,there'saflyinmysoup!

Waiter:(Enters,verysnooty,peeringintothesoup)Oh,yes,youarerightsir.Thatwillbeanextra25centsforthemeat.

Thatwillbeanextra25centsforthemeat.

Customer:Butwaiter,he'sswimmingalloverthetop!

Waiter:(Stillsnooty)Youareright,sir.Itdoesn'tknowit'safly,sir.It'sdoingtheButterflystroke.

Customer:Well,IthinkitmustbeanAustralian!

Waiter:Whydoyousaythatsir?

Customer:BECAUSEIT'SDOWNUNDERNOW!

--29--

January1997

Food,Water&MirrorontheSahara

Aneasy2-personskitifyouhaveonlyonepersonwho'sthirsty.

Cast:2or3People,cupofwater,combs,Narrator

Setting:SaharaDesert

Narrator:Herearesomepoor,thirstymenonthedesertwho'vebeenstrandedonthedesertfordays.Let'swatch.

Twoorthreepeoplearecrawling,callingoutforwater.Timetoreallyhamitup.Finally,theyseethecupofwaterandstaggerforit,reachingout.Finally,theygettothewaterand,People:Ahhhh!(Relieved--theytakeoutcombs,diptheminwaterandbegintocombhair.)TheFortuneTellerThisisacampfireskit.Youcanplanitcarefullyifyouwant.Ifyouhaveagoodspontaneousactor,hemightbeabletoad-libresponsestoeachobjectpresentedtohim,withoutadvanceplanning.TheAnnouncershouldalwaystelltheaudiencewhatobjectisgiventotheFortuneTeller,becausetheyusuallywillnotbeabletoseeclearly.

TheSkit

Asmalltentissetup,withanoldladysittinginfrontofit.ThiscanbeaScoutwrappedupinablanket,whospeakswithanoldlady'svoice.AnAnnouncerintroducesherasaveryaccuratetelleroffortuneswhocanpredictaperson'sfuturebytouchinganythingbelongingtotheperson.

TheAnnouncercallsupaseriesofScouts.HeasksthefirstScoutwhathehasbrought,andtheScoutproducesapencil.TheAnnouncerhandsthepenciltotheFortuneTellerandaskshertotellthefutureoftheowner.TheFortuneTellerwavesherhandsandmumblessomewordsandthenpredictsthattheownerwillbecomeawriter.

Thesceneisrepeated.AScoutproducesacombfromhispocket,andtheFortuneTellerpredictsthathewillbecomeahairdresser.AthirdScouthasadollar,andshepredictsthathewillbecomeasuccessfulbanker.

Afterseveralofthese,theScapegoatissummonedfromtheaudience.TheannounceraskswhathehastoshowtheFortuneTeller.NomatterwhattheScapegoatsuggests,theAnnouncersaysitisnotgoodenough.

Eitherithasbeendonebefore,oritistooeasy,or"That'snofun!",oranyotherreason.Finally,theAnnouncersuggeststhattheScapegoattryhisshoe,andmakeshimtakeitoff.

TheshoeishandedtotheFortuneteller,whorepeatshermumbojumbo.(IftheFortuneTellerisagoodpantomime,thisisawonderfulopportunitytomakefaces,holdhernose,etc.)Shethenannounces,"Youwilltakealongwalkinthewoods!"Shethrowstheshoefarintothewoods.

FourLeafClover

Apersonfindsafourleafclover.Hefeelssurethatitwillbringhimgoodluck.Anotherpersonrunsintohim.

Theyaccuseeachotherofrunningintoeachother.Theystarthittingeachother.Apolicemancomesalong,theotherguyaccusestheluckyperson.Theluckypersonishauledofftojail.Theluckypersonreappears,disgruntledandunhappy.Garbageisdumpedonhimashewalksalongandgetsfinedbyapolicemanforlittering.Theluckymanthrowsawaythefourleafclover.Anotherfindsit.Theformerluckymancomesbackonstage.Thepersonwhofoundthe

findsit.Theformerluckymancomesbackonstage.Thepersonwhofoundthefourleafrunsonstagesayinghejustwonamilliondollarsandhasgoodlucksincehefoundit.Theformerluckymanslumpsdown,groans,andbeginstocry.

TheFourSeasons

Thenarratornarrates,everyoneelseisvolunteers.

"Ineedelevenvolunteersforthisskit."

"ThisskitiscalledtheFourSeasons.Youthreearetrees.Youthreeareleavesintrees,getupinthetrees.

You'repoisonivy,clingtotherootsofoneofthetrees.You'retree'sblood,yourunthroughthetrees.Youtwoarebirds,flitfromtreetotreeandsing.Andyou'rethebabblingbrook.Youhavetobabble."

"Babblebabblebabblebabble..."

"Inthespring,theleavescomeoutonthetrees.Thebirdsflitfromtreetotree."

"Inthesummer,theleavesopenupandthesunshinesdownontheforest.Thebirdsformflocks"

"Inthefall,theleavesdropfromthetrees.Thebirdsflyawaysouth."

"Inthewinter,thebrookfreezesandstopsbabbling.Allseemsstillintheforest.Butbeneathitallthereisstilllife.Look!Thesapisstillrunning!"

--30--

January1997

FredtheTrainedFlea

"HereinmyhandisFredtheTrainedFlea.Fredwillperformforyousome

"HereinmyhandisFredtheTrainedFlea.Fredwillperformforyousomeamazingfeats.Watchclosely."

"Fred,dojumpingjacks!Verygood!Cheer,everyone!"

"Fred,doasomersault!"

"Fred,doahighjump!"Watchhimgowayup,thenbackdown.

"NowFredwilldoalongjump.IneedavolunteertocatchFred."Pickascoutmaster,orsomeoneinauthority.

"Fred,doalongjump!"WatchFredjumptothevolunteer"Oh!Heseemstohavejumpedintoyourhair!"

Walkovertothevolunteer,startpickingthroughtheirhair."Hereweare..no,that'snotFred."tossthefleaoveryourshoulder"Ah!No,that'snotFred.""That'snotFred.""Fred,areyouinthere?""That'snotFredeither."

"Boy,there'salotoffleasinhere.""Fred?Fred?"...

FriendsofYears

Threeguysaresittingonaparkbench.Gooberisquietlyreading,Gomerispretendingtoswiminalake(jumpsoffbenchandswimsaround).Gopherispretendingtobefishing,reelingfishafterfish.Policemancomesinandwatchesthem.PolicemanasksGooberifheknowstheothertwomen.Goobersaystheyarehisfriends.

ThepolicemanthinksGooberoughttotakecareofhisfriends.Goobersaysokayandaskstheotherstoclimbintohisboat.Gooberpretendstorowoffstage(thepolicemanstaringafterthem,shakinghisheadindisbelief).

TheFrightenedHunter

Cast:Storyteller,hunter,gamewarden

Thestorytellertellsthestory,whilethehunterpantomimesthestoryandhisactions.Thegamewardencomesinoncue.

StoryTeller:Thereoncewasthishunterwhowashuntingforseveralyearsinthesamelocation.Everyyear,hewouldseeadeergrazingontheedgeofacliff,whichwasjustoutsidetheallowedhuntingzone.Thedeerwouldnevercomeintothehuntingzone.Nowthiswasaverybigdeer,andwouldhavebeenawonderfulprize.

Butthehunterwasalwaysunsure,anddidn'twanttolosehislicense.Finallyoneyear,thehunterdecidedthathewasgoingtoshootthedeeranyway,ashewasn'thavingmuchluck.Hewentuptothedeer,sawthatitwasdead,andthrewitoverhisrightshoulder,thenputhisgunoverhisleftshoulder.Allofasudden,thegamewardercameuptohim.

GameWarden:Excuseme,sir,Iwasjustwatchingyou.What'sthatoveryourshoulder?

Hunter:(lookingoverleftshoulder)That'smyhuntingrifle.

GameWarden:Andwhat'sthatoveryourothershoulder?

Hunter:(lookingoverrightshoulder,andshakesoffthedeer)AAHHHHHH!

GameShow

Theskitstartsoutwithacoupleofcampers(orscoutsinyourcase)askingforsomevolunteersfromtheaudience(parentswilldoJUSTfine...evilgrin).

Thevolunteersarethenremovedfromtheroombyoneofthescoutsinchargeofthe'GameShow'(thankyouVanna...)

Afterthevolunteershavebeenremoved,the'Game'issetup.Twotables(thefoldingtypeworkVERYwell)arecoveredwithsleepingbagsandballsofvariousdescriptionsareplacedunderbucketsonthesetables,thecatchisthatinbetweenthetwotablesaperson(anotherscoutperhaps)iskneelingwithhisheadunderabuckettoresembletheotherbuckets(ofcoursethisiswellhiddenwithsleepingbags,orsheetsorwhateveryouhavehandy)Thetablesarethenmovedclosetogethertofurtherhidethefactthatthereisanyoneunderthetable,anddon'tforgettocoverthefrontofthetablesothattheparticipant,orvictimasitwere,cannotseeunderthetables.

Bringinthefirstcontestant...

Itisthenthatthe'Game'isdescribedtothecontestant.He/sheistomakehis/herwaydownthelineofbucketspickingupeachbucketandnamingtheballunderthebucket.Givesometimerecordtobebeaten.Thenastheymaketheirwaydownthelineandeventuallypickupthebucketoffofthetableunderwhichthescoutishiding,thescoutshouldyell/screametc.tofurthertheshockvalue.

Bringinthenextcontestant...etc

Thisskitisgenerallyreallyeffectiveandisgoodforafewlaughsifnothingelse.

--ThankstoJamesBrezina

--31--

January1997

GatheringoftheNutsI

Anannouncerasksiftheaudiencewillhelpwiththesquirrel'sharvest.Severalboysdresseduplikesquirrelswithpaperears,tails,andbrownclothesgooutintotheaudiencebringbackpeopleknownfortheircrazybehavior.Theyaregatheredonthestageandtheannouncersaysthatthetitleoftheskitwillbe,"TheGatheringoftheNuts."

GatheringoftheNutsII

Vincent:Iamthefamousartist,VincentVanGoGo.Ihavecomeherethiseveningatgreatexpensetocreateoneofmylivingnaturepaintingswhichwillexpresstheatmosphereofthiscamp!FirstIamgoingtoneedsometrees.(Twotreesareselectedfromtheparticipantsintheaudience,andaredirectedwheretostand.Theywavetheirarmsgently.)Vincent:NowIwillneedsomebirdstotwitteramongthetrees.

(Threebirdsareselectedandtheymovearoundthetreesmakingtwitteringsounds.)Vincent:(Standsbacktoviewscene)Perhapsasuntoshineoneverything.(Atallparticipantstandsonabenchandsmilesbrightly.)Vincent:(Againviewing)It'snotrightyet.Iknow,somerabbitshoppingaround.

(Againviewing)It'snotrightyet.Iknow,somerabbitshoppingaround.(AssistantLeadersarechosenforrabbits)

Vincent:Onelasttouch.Ababblingbrook.Scouter,willyoubethebrook,you'realwaysbabbling?(Thebrooktakeshisplace.)

Vincent:(Turnstoaudience)Thereitis,anotherVincentVanGoGooriginalnaturescene.Icallit"TheGatheringoftheNuts."

TheGeneralStore

Thesceneisageneralstore,withtheStorekeeperbehindthecounter.Thecounteriseasilyrepresentedbyalongtablewithafewitemspiledonit.

BehindtheStorekeeperisacurtain,whichconcealsanotherScout,theStorekeeper'sSon.Hehasafullchangeofclotheswithhim.

TheSkit

TheStorekeeperintroduceshimself.HeexplainsthatthisishisstoreandhisSonhelpshimtorunit.Heisveryproudofhowhardheworkstosatisfyeverycustomer,nomatterwhatthecustomerwants.

Acustomerenters,walksuptothecounter,andasksforahat.TheStorekeeperturnsandcallsout,"HeySon,Ineedahat."Thecurtainmoves,andahandreachesthroughwithahat.Thecustomeradmiresit,andtheyagreeonaprice.Thecustomerpays,putsonthehat,andwalksoutactingpleased.

Othercustomersrepeattheprocessforajacket,ashirt,shoes,socks,andapairofpants.Eachtime,thereismoremovementofthecurtain,andalongerdelaybeforetheclothingishandedthroughthecurtain.Therearesoundsofgrumbling,andtheStorekeeperremindshissonabouttheircommitmenttosellwhateverthecustomerneeds.

Thelastcustomerwalksinhesitantlyandasksinembarrassedtonesforunderwear.TheStorekeeperdoesnothearhim,andmakeshimrepeatituntileverybodycanhearclearly.Finallyhesays,"Ohofcourse.

Underwear!Son,weneedsomeunderwear."Nothinghappens.

TheStorekeeperrepeatshisrequestseveraltimes,eachtimeemphasizingtheword,"Underwear."Thereisnoanswer.Heapologizestohiscustomerforhis

word,"Underwear."Thereisnoanswer.Heapologizestohiscustomerforhislazyson,andsayshewillgettheunderwearhimself.Hestompsoffbehindthecurtain.

Thecurtainshakes,andwehear,"No,Pa!No,Pa!No!"TheSonrunsthroughthecurtainandacrossthestagewearingonlyunderpants.

TheGhostofMidnight

ThisoneissimilartotheGhostWithOneBlackEye,buteachisdifferentenoughtomerittheirowntitle(afterall,goingthroughalloftheskits,you'llrealizethatmanyskitsaresimplevariationsonanother.)Cast:Ghost,FamilyasleepinhouseSetting:HouseatNight

Ghost:(GoinguptoMom,wakesherup--usesscaryghostvoice.)IamtheGhostofMidnight!

Mom:Ahhh!

Ghost:(ToDad--samething.)IamtheGhostofMidnight!

Dad:I'mgettingoutofhere!

--32--

January1997

Ghost:(Toson.)IamtheGhostofMidnight!

Son:Help!Mommy!

Ghost:(Todaughter.)IamtheGhostofMidnight!

Daughter:(Looksatwatch.)Aww,shutup!It'sonly11:45!

GhostWithOneBlackEye

Cast:Ghost,3Pedestrians

Setting:CityStreet

#1:(Bendsover;picksupcoin.)Wow!Aloony!

Ghost:(Comesout;scaryvoice.)IamtheGhostwithoneblackeye!

(#1scared;dropsloony;runsaway)

#2:(Bendsover;picksupcoin.)Wow!Adollar!

Ghost:(comesout)IamtheGhostwithoneblackeye!

(#2scared;dropsdollar;runsaway)

#3:(Bendsover;picksupcoin.)Wow!Money!

Ghost:(Comesout.)IamtheGhostwithoneblackeye!

#3:Keepitup,andyou'llgetanother!

Ghostcatchers

Twoguysstartaghostcatchingbusiness.Theygotothishouseandcan'tgetridoftheghost.Theghostfinallyleavesbecauseoneoftheguyssingsverybadlyandoffkey.Theghostcan'tstanditandleaves.

GiantWorm

Onstageyouhaveaboyconcealedinasleepingbagthatisopenonbothends,heistheGiantworm.

Several"hikers"happenupontheworm.Thehikersareeatingandcarryingwiththemasupplyofcandybars.

Theylookateachotherinamazementaskeachother"Iwonderwhatheeats"Thehikersholdsomecandybarsnearthemouthoftheworm.Thewormgobblesupthecandybarswrappersandall.Thenthewormquicklydiscardsemptywrappersformtheotherend.(stuffhappens).Thehikersrunaway.Anothergroupofhikerscomesalongdrinkingsoftdrinksandrepeatstheroutine.Thethirdgroupcomesalongwithnothingtoeatordrink.thisgroup

routine.Thethirdgroupcomesalongwithnothingtoeatordrink.thisgroupshouldhaveyoursmallestscout.thisgroupalsoponderswhatthisgiantwormwouldet.Atthatmomentthewormgobblesthesmallestscout.Thendiscardsapairofpantsandshirtouttheotherend.Thewormwalksoffwiththeeatenscoutunderthesleepingbag.Thehikersrunaway.

GlassofWater

Thereisaglassofwaterinthemiddleofthestage.Firstscoutcrawlsacrossthefloorcryingforwater.Hediesdramaticallyshortlyafterbeginninghiscrawl.Thesecondpersondiesjustshortoftheglassofwater.Thethirdpersononhislastbitofstrengthreallyhamsuphisdesperationasmuchashecan.Hereachesthewater,takesoutacomb,groomshishairwiththewater,sighswithreliefandgoesoffstage.

GoCart

(Oneparticipantisonhandsandkneesasthe'GoCart')

Driver:Oh,thisfoolGoCartisalwaysgivingmetrouble!Nowthefrontwheelhascomeoff.(Selectsmemberofaudience)Wouldyoucomeoverandgivemeahand.Thanks.(Selectedpersonmayhavesomecommentstorespondto-thentheyareledtothecart.)Driver:Here,ifyouwouldjustbethewheelIneed.That'sright,getdownonyourhandsandkneesupthereandbethefrontwheel.Nowletmetryitagain.(Drivergetsoncar,triestostartitup.)GoCart:(Makessputteringnoises,starts,movesforward,thensagsandsputtersout.)Driver:Nowwhatisit?(Drivermovestorear,liftscart,letsgoandcartsagsagain.)Driver:Nowthatoldsuspensionhasgone,Ineedmorehelp.(Selectssomeoneelse)Pleasecomeoverhereandbethesuspension.That'sright,justholdthebackendupthere.NowI'lltryitagain.(Getsoncar,startsengine.)TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--33--

January1997

GoCart:(Sputterstolife,movesforward,wobbles,andstops)

Driver:(Gettingoff)Oh,no.Nowtherearwheelisloose.I'llgoandgetmorehelp.(Selectsmorehelp)(Newhelpispositionedatrearwheel.)Driver:This

help.(Selectsmorehelp)(Newhelpispositionedatrearwheel.)Driver:Thiswheelisloose.Ifyouwilljustholdthewheel(indicatesleg)tightlysoitdoesn'tfalloff,you'llbeabighelp.Thanks.(Drivergetsoncart,startsengine)GoCart:(Startsup,runsfine,movesforward)

Driver:(Brakingtohalt)Oh,that'sperfectnow!AllIneededwasafewNUTStogetitgoing!

GoneFishin'

Threeboyssittingonabenchorchairsinthefrontoftheroom.Thetwoboysonoutsidehavefishingpoles,theoneinthemiddleisreadinganewspaper.Boyswithlinesactliketheyarefishing.

Cub1:Surehaven'tbeencatchingmuch.

Cub3:Ihaven'tevenhadanibble.

Policeman:(walksonfromoffstage.)Whatareyouguysdoing?

Cub1:Fishing,sir.

Policeman:Can'tyoutellthisisapackmeeting?

Cub3:No,it'sapond!

Policeman:(nudgesmanwithpaperandhelowersit)Doyouknowthesetwocharacters?

Cub2:(foldsnewspaper)Sure,theyaremyfriends.

Policeman:Inthatcase,you'dbettergetthemoutofhere.

Cub2:Yes,sir.(reachingbehindchair,picksupapaddleandactsasifheispaddlingaway.)TheGoodSamaritan

AScoutwalksoutfrombackstage,stumbles,andfallsonhisface.Hestrugglesnoisilytogetup,butkeepshisforeheadonthefloor.Hesometimessucceedsingettingintoapositionwithhisfeetandhisforeheadonthefloor,andhisbuttintheair.Herotatesinthisposition,keepinghisforeheadinoneplace.Hecallsforhelpforhelp,repeating"Myforeheadisstuck!"

Ashestruggles,otherScoutswalkcasuallypast.Theyignorehim,orlookwithcuriosity,buttheydonothelp.

Finally,aScoutcomesrunningupandheavesthevictimtohisfeet.Thevictimiseffusivelygrateful,buttherescuerjustlooksathisface.Hereachesout,pluckssomethingfromthevictim'sforehead,andpopsitintohismouth."Thanks,"hesays,"IknewI'dlostmygumsomewherearoundhere!"

GoodSoup

Props:alargepot,severalspoons,andafloormop.Achef'shatwouldalsobeuseful.

Announcer:ThisscenetakesplaceinthecampDiningHall.

(Severalboysareseatedaroundalargepot,samplingtheimaginarycontentswiththespoons.)Scott:Boy,thisissuregoodsoup.

Brad:Yep,it'sgotREALflavor.

David:Sureis,whyit'sevenbetterthanmyMommakes.

Matthew:Ohyeah.It'sthebestfoodI'veeatenatcampallweek.

Cook:(Enterswavingfloormopandshouting)Heyyouguys!Getoutofmymopwater!!!

Version2:

KnownbythesametitleintheLeaderMagazine.

Cast:ThreeorfourCubsorScouts,Cook,Tub

Setting:Kitchen

#1:(Overtub,tastingcontents)GoodSoup!

#2:Yeah,GoodSoup!

#3:Iknow!GoodSoup!

#4:Nonebetterthanthis!GoodSoup!

Cook:(Comesrunningin)Getoutofmydishwater!

--34--

January1997

Granny!WakeUp!

Cast:Grandson,Granny(2people),Volunteer,Victim,campfireblanket(s)Setting:InGranny'sRoom

Grannyisinbed(sayonthefloor,)andofcourseiscoveredwithblankets.Yourtwogranniesliedownontheirbacks,asclosetogetheraspossible,withheadsinoppositedirections.Theheadofoneisexposed,theotherbeingcoveredandwhereGranny's"feet"are.

TrytofigureoutawaytosetuptheaudiencesuchthatitseemsliketherightwaytobeaddressingGranny,suchasHerbeingafraidofgettinganyworseandwantingtobecompletelycovereduptoavoidgettingcold.

Grandson:(ToGranny)Granny!WakeUp!It'stimeforyourpill!(Pause--noresponse.)Granny!WakeUp!Ohno!Shemaybedead!(Hamitup,boys!)Mygosh,I'llneedsomehelp!(Getvolunteer.)HelpmewakeGranny!

Bothofthem:Granny!WakeUP!WakeUp!

Grandson:Oh,whateverwillwedo?Sheneedstotakethatpill!Ithinkweneedmorehelp!(Getvictim.)Willyouhelpus?JustcalloutwithustowakeupGranny.

Allofthem:GRANNY!WAKEUP!WAKEUP!

Grandson:Maybeifyoustandoverherandaskherforasignthatshe'sstillalive.

Victim:OK.(Standsoverher)Granny!WakeUp!Please!Givemeasign!

Granny's"backend"risesupandhitshimonthebehind.

Granny'sCandyStore

Paintaverbalpictureofthevariousscoutsactingasacashregister(personsaysching,ching),popcornmachine(goespop,pop),door(personholdsarmshorizontal,swingingsayingcreak,creak),tree,chair,etc.

Havethreeguysstandingtherewithnopartstoplay.Haveseveralscoutscomeinoneatatime,ascustomers.

TheyaskGrannyforvariousitemsofcandy;licorice,gum,etc.Finallydisgusted,acustomeraskswhatshedoeshave,andshesaysallshehasleftisthesethreesuckersstandinginthecorner.

TheGreatestSpitterintheWorld

Another2-personskityoucanplugin.

Cast:GSITW,Partnerwithmetalpot(withabitofwaterinit)andapebbleSetting:Boardwalk,Circus,AmusementPark

SeparateGSITWandpartnerbyabout15feet.

Partner:LadiesandGentlemen!MayIpresenttoyoutheGreatestSpitterintheWorld!Hedoesallkindsoftrickswithamerespit!Lethimshowyouthesimplespitfirst!

GSITWsendsoffaregularspit,whichiscaughtinthepotbythepartner.Whenit'ssupposedtoland,hehitsthebottomofthepotwithasecretpebbleheholdsinhishand.

Partner:LadiesandGents!Thatisnotallhecando!Watchhisfastball!

Again,anotherspitwhichimmediately"lands"inthepot.Continuewithtricks,suchasslowspit,highspit,roundtheworldspit(inwhichcaseeachturnsaround,backsfacingeachother,andthespittakesawhiletocomearoundbutindeeddoes,)curvespit,andsoon.Finally,Partner:Nowforhislastspit!It'sareallydifficultspitbutwethinkwehaveit!It'sahigh,quadrupleaxle,curvy,springjumpspit!Wemusthaveabsolutesilenceforthisone!

springjumpspit!Wemusthaveabsolutesilenceforthisone!

GSITWspitsup,partnerfollowsitup,doing4spins,itcurvessidetoside,beginstojumpupanddowninair,thenheseemstoloseit...no,thereitis...hegoessidetoside,tryingtocatchit,hetripsandspillsthewateronthecrowd.

Grease

Boy1:TonightwearegoingtobetalkingaboutancientGreece.

(Boy2walksonstagecarryingacanofCrisco.)

Boy1:No,no;notthatkindofgrease.YouknowGreece,theplace.

Boy2:Ohyeah,that'sinbackofthecafeteria.

--35--

January1997

GreenSideUp!GreenSideUp!

Characters:ABuildingContractor,ACouple(ifladyisn'tavailable,changescanbemadeforoneperson)Contractor(insidehouse):Okay,weneedacolorforthewallinthelivingroom.(walkstospacethatislivingroom).

Wife:Ilikewhite.

Husband:No,howaboutblue?

Wife:How'bouttan?

Husband:Okay.

Contractor:Okay...(writesdownonpaper)um..waitjustasecond.Thecontractorgoestothewindowlooksout,heopensthewindowleansoutandshouts,"Greensideup!"

Thisrepeatsfortwomorerooms.EachtimeaftertheContractorsays"GreenSideUp",coupleconversesbetweenthemselvesandarenotsureaboutthesanityofthecontractor.

Afterthelastroom:

Husband:Mr.(whateveryouwanthisnametobe),whydoyoukeepyelling"GreenSideUp!"outsidethewindow?Wedidn'torderanygreenwallpaper!?!

Contractor:Oh.Iamsorryfolks.BoyscouttroopisbeingleadbyScoutMasterandwejustwanttomakesurethesodgetslaiddownright.--

--ThankstoJoshSmall

TheGreyhoundBus

Cast:ShopperwithaBIGpackagehigherthanhishead,Pedestrian,PeoplewhoareCarsandOneBusSetting:BusyIntersection

Carsandtruckswhizbyanddon'tstopforpedestrians.

Shopper:Excuseme,Sir,couldyoutellmewhenthere'snothingcomingdownthestreet,sothatImaycross?

Pedestrian:Sure.(Pausesuntilcarsstopwhizzingby.Busbeginscomingdownthestreet.)Nowyoucancross.There'sonlyadogcoming.(Hebeginstocross;bushitshim.)NewSetting:HospitalWardPedestrian:(Toshopperinbed)Gee,I'mreallysorryaboutwhathappenedtoyou.

Shopper:It'sallright.Thesethingshappenonceinawhile.Buttellme,whydidyousaytherewasadogcomingdownthestreetwhenitwasreallyabus?

Pedestrian:Well,itwasaGreyhound!

TheGrowingMachine

Thecardboardboxneedstobelargeenoughtoholdoneoftheplayersandvariousprops."Load"itandpushitonstage,whereanarratorexplainsthatthismarvelousmachinehasbeeninventedbytonight'sguest,Professor...,whowilldemonstrateitstremendouspowers.Heintroducestheprofessor,whoenterscarryingabagofhisprops.

carryingabagofhisprops.

Theprofessorexplainshehasinventedawonderfulmachinethatmakesthingsgrow.Heproceedstodemonstrate.Hepullsasmallpieceofpaperfromhissack,pushesbuttons,etc.,andthrowsinthepieceofpaper(soundeffects,flashinglights).Theplayerinsidethrowsoutapaperbackbook.Thedemonstrationcontinueswithsmallballin,largeballout;pieceofstringin,hunkofropeout;etc.Finally,theprofessorthrowsinababydoll.Theplayerinsidejumpsoutinbabyclothes,cries"Daddy!",andchaseshimoffstage.

--ThankstotheLeaderMagazine,May1989

TheHairCutMachine

Thecardboardboxneedstobelargeenoughforaplayertopokeinhishead.Facetheopeningawayfromtheaudience.Setupastripedpoleanduseafewotherbarbershopprops.The"customer"wearsatightfittinglight-coloredbathingcaptohidehishairand,overthecap,alongscragglywigloose-fittingenoughthathecanshakeitoffwhenheneedstobutwellenoughanchoredthatitwon'tflyofftooearly.

--36--

January1997

Barberisonstage.Customerentersandasksforahaircut.Barbercheckshimout,announceshethinksthisisajobforhisbrandnewhaircutmachine,andconvincesthecustomertotryit.Customerstickshisheadintothebackoftheboxandbarberturnsiton(soundeffects).Customeryells,flails,flopsandgoesthroughincrediblecontortions,shakingoffthewigintheprocess.Barber,unperturbed,turnsoffthemachine.Customerpullsout"bald"headandracesscreamingoffstage.

--ThankstotheLeaderMagazine,May1989

HairyHamburger

Amansitsdowninarestaurantandordersahamburger.Thewaiterbringouthis

Amansitsdowninarestaurantandordersahamburger.Thewaiterbringouthishamburger.Themanstartseatinghishamburgerandfindsahairinit;complainstowaiterandanotheroneisbroughtout.Thesecondhamburgerhasahairinitandistakenback.Thethirdhamburgeralsohasahairinit.Themangetsupsetanddemandstoseethecook.Thecookcomesoutandthemanaskshimhowhemakeshishamburgers.Thecooksaysthatallhedoesisrollthemeatanddemonstratesmakingpattiesbyplacingthemeatunderhisarmandsqueezes.

HarlemGlobetrotters

Threescoutsaredoinglaundry,eachissittingbehindabucketwhichholdshis"laundry".Twoofthebucketsreallyhavewaterandaragortwo.Allthreeworkatscrubbingandwringingwaterfromtheirlaundryforafewseconds.Onesittingontheendshakesthewaterfromhishandsgettinghisneighborslightlywet.Thisprovokesthescoutinthemiddlewhoretaliateswithasplashback...escalateincomedicfashiontilltheoneontheendthrowsawetragatthefaceofthe"scout"inthemiddlewhoducks.Theragsailsontillitsmacksthescoutonthefarend(previouslynotinvolvedinthewaterfight)intheface.Thesmack-eepicksuphisbuckettodumpontheotherswhotakeflightintotheaudience.

ThePunchline:Whentheactorsareinthecrowdthesmack-eetossesthecontentsofhisbucketinawidearcoverasmuchoftheaudienceaspossible.IntheversionIsawthebucketwasfilledwithpiecesofnewspaperbutinaScoutingsettingabucketfullofleaveswouldworkjustawell.Iftheactorshavealittletalentandpracticethiscanbeextremelyfunny.

HaveYouSeenmyBellyButton?

Cast:Dogowner,Passengersonbus,stuffedanimal

Setting:CityBus

Ownergoesaroundonthebusaskingpeopleifthey'veseenhisBellyButton.Someignorehim,womengasp,peoplearehorrified,somerespond,"Thenerveofhim!""Howcrude!""Whatarudeperson!"Finallyhespotsthetoyandexclaims,Person:Ah!BellyButton!Thereyouare,youbaddog!

TheHeartAttack

Cast:HeartAttackVictim,2"Rescuers"

Setting:CityStreet

HAViswalkingdownthestreetandallofasudden,hefallstotheground,holdinghischest.Twomencomeupandseeingthis,theybeginCPR.

#1:Mister!(Clapshands.)Hmm.Checkforbreathing!I'llcheckforapulse!(nothing)WeneedtodoCPR.

GiveAR!

#2:(Doestwobreaths)

#1:(Pumpingchest,countingaloud)1,2,3,4....15!Again!

(Repeats3times;thenchecks;then.)

#1:Okay--checkforbreathing,andI'llcheckforapulse!(Theycheck.)Nothing!Switch!

AllTHREE,includingvictim,switchplaces!

--37--

January1997

Heaven'sGate

Youcangetyourfavoriteleaderorfriendwiththisone.

Need:5ormorescouts(1isanannouncer,1isanAngel).

Announcer:HereweareattheGatesofHeaven.

Scout1:(Walksuptoangelatgate)Hello,IseeI'vecometoHeaven.

Angel:Well,you'renotinyet!Firstyou'vegottotellmehowyousufferedonEarth.

Scout1:Well,Ispentaweekeatingcampfood.

Angel:I'msorry,youhaven'tsufferedenough.(Scout1exitsdejectedly.)Scout2:(Enters)Hi,I'mheretogetintoHeaven.

Angel:Fine,fine.Andhowhaveyousuffered?

Scout2:Iwentonalonghikeandgotblistersallovermyfeet.

Angel:Sorry.That'snotenoughsufferingtogetintoHeaven.(Scout2exits)Scout3:(Enters)CanIgetintoHeaven?

Angel:Howdidyousuffer?

Scout3:I'min(Picksomeone'snamewhocantakeajoke)(troop/pack/six/class,etc.)Angel:Well,comeonin!!

--FromTheU.S.ScoutingServiceProject

Herman,TheTrainedFlea

Thetrainerhasafleavarioustricks,whensuddenlyhelosesHerman,histrainedflea.HesearchesaroundforHerman,callingforhim,eventuallyapersonisbroughtforwardwithafleainhishair.Thepunchlineis,"Thisisn'tHerman!"

HiccupforMe

Aboycomesoutandsayssomethinglike,"Hic-Ican't-Hic-getridoftheseHic-ups".Anotherpersoncomesoutandaskswhatwrong.Heistoldandyells"BOO!"tohelptheboygetridofhishiccups.Itdidn'twork.

Severalmorepeopletryvariousmethodstogetridofthehiccupsandtheyarefail.Lastmethodistriedandseemstowork,butjustasheleavesthestagestartshiccupingagain,sohefallstothefloorindespair.

TheHighestTreeclimberintheWorld

Again,thiscanbea2-personskit.

Cast:2Friends,HTCITW

Setting:Campfire

Treeclimberishiddeninthewoodsandisabletoruffleabushortree.

1:Youknow,theysaythere'sthisreallygoodtreeclimbertryingoutfortheOlympics.Iwonderifhe'spracticingaroundhere?

2:Calloutandsee!

1:Hey!TreeClimber!Youaroundhere?

Climber:Yep!

1:Youpracticing?

Climber:Yep!

1:Howhighareyou?

Climber:Oh,nothigh.About100feet.

1:Wow!Canyougohigher?

Climber:Yep!(Rufflestree.)NowI'matabout200feet.

1:Fantastic!Canyougohigher?

1:Neato!Canyougohigher?

1:Great!Canyougohigher?

1:Gee!I'mamazed!

2:Excuseme,Sir,butIhaveabookherethatsaysthatthehighesttreeintheworldisonly360feethigh!

--38--

January1997

Climber:Ahhhhhh!!!!!!(Thump!)

AHotMeal!

Thisoneisjusttoogross.Don'treadthisonewhileeatinglunch!

Version1:

Cast:3LostCampers

Setting:Woods

#1:Boy,amIhungry!Wehaven'teatenindays!

#2:Metoo.

#3:AndIwouldjustloveahotmeal.

#1:(Lookingtoground)Wow!Arabbit!Jumpit!(#1&2jumpitandcatchit;theystarttoeatit.)

#2:(Lookingbackat#3)Wouldyoulikesome?

#3:Nothanks,I'mwaitingforahotmeal.

#1:Suityourself.

(Alittlelater)

#2:Hey!Asquirrel!Getit!

(#1&2getitandstarttearingitapart)

#1:(To#3)Wouldyoulikeamorsel?

(Alittlelater)

#1:Wow!Amoose!

#2:Beveryquiet.(#1&2jumpitandkillit;theystarteatingit)

#1:Look,there'splentyhere,wedon'tneedtokeepitalltoourselves,evenifwedidgetthiswithoutyourhelp.There'stoomuchtoeatanyway.Wantany?

#2:Areyousure?Youhaven'teatenanythingforevenlongerthanustwo.

(Afterawhile,)

#1:Boy,I'mstuffed.

#2:Metoo.ButIthinkI'mgettingsick.(Throwsup.)

#1:I'msick,too.(Throwsup.)

#3:Wow!Ahotmeal!

Version2:

Cast:5People,Cabby

Setting:OutsideofRestaurant

#1:Boy,whatameal.Ireallygorgedmyself.

#2:Metoo.

#3:Eatingthatmuchmakesithardtowalk.Let'sgetacab.

#4:Agreed.

#5:Taxi!

(Theyallgetin.)

Cabby:Getreadyforagoodride,boys.

Thecabbypantomimesdriving,goingalonglikearacedriver,swervingfromsidetoside,upanddownhills,doesarealrollercoasterride.Sortoflikemydriving,ifyou'veexperiencedit.Thepeopleswervelefttorightwiththedriver,allhangingontodearlifeandlunch,untiltheyallthrowup.

Cabby:Wow!Afivecoursemeal!

HowdoIdoThat?

Thereareroughly255quintillionquazillionvariationsofthisskitoutonthemarket,includingrobbers,suicidepills,carcrashesandsoon.Youmaymorecommonlyknowthisoneas"VeechBoton?"I'llgiveyoutheversionITheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--39--

January1997

learnedandtheonlynon-rancidversionI'veseenyet.[Thisisalsosimilarto"SubmarinePatrol"hereintheBigBook.]

Version1:

Cast:5Guyskneelinginline(1stiscaptain,lastisdummy)

Setting:Submarine

Captain:(Lookingthroughperiscope)Aimtorpedo1!

2:Aimtorpedo1!

3:Aimtorpedo1!

4:Aimtorpedo1!

5:HowdoIdothat?

4:HowdoIdothat?

3:HowdoIdothat?

2:HowdoIdothat?

Captain:Withbutton1!

Andsoondowntheline.

5:Oh!(Pressesbutton1.)(Poof!)

Captain:Ahch!Wemissed!

Andsoondowntheline.

Captain:Firetorpedo2!

Andsoondowntheline,afterwhichis,"HowdoIdothat?""Withbutton2!"ondowntheline.Continuedownthroughtotorpedo4(or5orhowevermany,)eachtimethecaptainbecomingmorefrustratedandannoyedandcallingtheguynamesetc.Eachexclamation,forthebesteffect,shouldberepeateddowntheline.Finally,theyrunoutoftorpedoesandthen...

Captain:Theonlythinglefttodonowistokillmyself(shootshimself.)Andsoondowntheline.

5:HowdoIdothat?

Version2:

Samekindofsituation,butthistimeit'sabunchofgarbagecollectors,racingtheirtruckdowntheirroute.

Driver:Okay!Trythefirstone!(Theymiss.)

Others:Darn!Nexttimewe'llgetitright!(Andsoonateverystop.)Finally...

Driver:Well,guys,wemissedallofthegarbagestops.Iguesstheonly

honorablethingtodoistopickupthegarbageproperly!(Andtheydo.)HowtoMaketheTeam

Twoboys,oneeatsvegetables,exercises,ballerate(ballet&karate),runs(getsakidtochasehimhome-schoolbully).Theotherkideatscandybars,playsbaseballwithguys.Firstguy(vegetableeater)makestheteamandtheotherkiddoesn't.Theotherkidsays;"WhatdidIdowrong?Whaaa!!!"

HowtoWashAnElephant

Beforeintroducingthisstunt,choosethreepeopletoleavetheroom.Theyshouldnotoverhearthenarrator.

Narratorexplainstoaudiencethatthestuntiscalled"HowtoWashanElephant",aclassicexampleincommunications.Hetellsthefollowingstoryandpantomimesthemotionsashegoes.

Narrator:Onemorning,FarmerFriendlywentouttothebarntobeginhischores(pantomimewalking).Hethrewopenthebarndoor,andtohissurprise,hefoundanelephantinhisbarn(pantomimethrowingopendoor,TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--40--

January1997

surprise).Thefarmerdidn'tknowwhattodowiththeelephantsohedecidedthatthefirstthingtodowastowashit.Heledtheelephantfromthebarn(pickuptheelephant'strunkandwalkingwithitoveryourshoulder,openandclosebarndoor).Helefttheelephantnearthepump,gotabucketandscrubbrushandpumpedthebucketfullofwater(pantomimetheactions).Nowhewasreadytobegin.Firsthescrubbedtheleftside(liftupelephant'searandwashthat).Thenhewasreadyforthestomach(liedownonfloor;wriggleunderelephantandscrubunderside).Next,therightside(repeatactionsasforleftside).Thenhescrubbedtheelephant'sface(pantomimescrubbingbetweeneyesanddownlengthoftrunk).Almostdone(walktorearoftheelephant,gingerlyliftuptailandquicklyscrubthere).There,that'sdone!(Pantomimethrowingoutrestofwater,puttingthebrushinbucketandsettingbucketbesidepump.Taketheelephantbyhistrunkandleadhimbacktothebarn,opendoor,leadhimin,gooutandshutdoorbehind.)Narratortellsaudiencehewillcallpeoplebackin,onebyone,andpantomimethestunt,withoutbenefitofnarrative.Thefirst

onebyone,andpantomimethestunt,withoutbenefitofnarrative.Thefirstpersonwilldowhatheremembersforthesecondperson,andsoon.Hewill,ofcourse,havenoideawhatthemotionsmean,soitcanbeveryfunny.Bythetimetheactionsarepantomimedforthethirdperson,itwillbedistortedandbearlittleresemblancetotheoriginalversion.

Afterallthreehavetriedtheirluck,thenarratorexplainsthestoryandtellsthemwhattheyweredoing.

IGottaGoWee

Fiveguyssleepinginatent,allinarow.Thescoutmasterononeend,thelittlescoutontheother.

Thelittlescoutclimbsoveralltheothersleepingscouts,whotrytoremainasleep,andshakesthescoutmaster."Scoutmaster!Scoutmaster!Igottagowee!"

"Huh?Wha?Gobacktosleep."Thelittlescoutcrawlsbackovereveryoneandgoesbacktosleepfor5

seconds.

"Huh?Wha?Gobacktosleep."Thelittlescoutcrawlsbackovereveryoneandgoesbacktosleepfor5

seconds.

"OK!OK!",saysthescoutmaster,"Ifyou'vegottago,thengo."

Thelittlescoutstandsupandwaveshishandsintheair:"Weee!!!!"

Nopropsareneeded,althoughtheactorscanmakeupbitsofcostumesthat

Nopropsareneeded,althoughtheactorscanmakeupbitsofcostumesthatemphasizetheirroles.Theevilprofessorcanwearalongwhitelabcoat.Somerehearsaliswise,togetthemostoutofeachperformance.

AlargeScoutliesstifflyinthemiddleofthestage.TheProfessorentersandintroduceshimself,givingaveryRussian-soundingname.Heboastsabouthisgreatabilitiesandhowhewillprovethatheisthegreatestscientistintheworld.HehascreatedamonsternamedIgor,whocanobeythreedifferentcommands!Withthesecommands,theProfessorwillcontroltheworld.

TheProfessorisinterruptedbyaloudknockonthedoor(fromoffstage).AScoutenters,tryingtosellasubscriptiontohomedeliveryofthelocalnewspaper.TheProfessorrefuses,buttheScoutpersists.TheProfessorturnstotheaudienceandsays,"NowyouwillseewhatIcandowithmymonster!"

HeturnsandpointstoIgorandsays,"Igor!Stand!"Igorslowlystandsup.TheProfessorsays,"Igor!Walk!"

IgorstifflywalkstowardtheScout.

Hesays,"Igor!Kill!"IgorreachesoutandstranglestheScout,whodieswithagreatshowofanguish.

"Ha!Ha!"saystheProfessor,"NowyouseewhatIhaveachieved!NowyouknowthatIcancontroltheworldwithIgorandmythreecommands!"Igorslowlygoesbackandliesdown.

Thesceneisrepeatedatleasttwicemore,withaGirlScoutsellingcookies,areligiouszealot,avote-seekingpolitician,oradoor-to-doorsalesman.Eachtime,theProfessorboasts,heisinterruptedbyapersistentsalesman,andheusesthethreecommands.Eachsalesmaniskilledoff.

TheProfessorfinallycomestothefrontofthestage,withIgorlyingamongthebodiesbehindhim.Heboastsagainabouthisthreecommands,andhowhewillusethemtocontroltheworld.Allhehastodoissay,"Igor!

Stand!"Igorstands.

"Igor!Walk!"IgorwalkstowardtheProfessor,whodoesnotnoticehim.

"Igor!Kill!"IgorkillstheProfessor,turns,andliesbackdown.

--41--

January1997

I'mGonnaGetYou!

Cast:Murderer,BUTTERknife,Jarofpeanutbutter,SleepingFamilyMembersSetting:InHouseatNightWhenAllAreAsleep

Thiefislookingaroundthehouse,withaflashlightperhapsandholdingtheBUTTERknife(anythingelsewouldbeoverkill,anddangerous)andisalwayssaying,"I'mgonnagetyou!"inawaythatCOULDsuggesthe'stryingtofindthememberstokillthemintheirsleep.BeCAREFULtoonlymakereferencesthatareVERYvague.

Hegoesaroundinthedifferentroomsofthehouse,sometimessaying,"Nothere,"perhapsinreferencetosleepingpeople.Finally,

Murderer:Ahh!Theysuredokeepthepeanutbutterinacrazyplaceinthishouse!(StartstoenjoythePB

usingthebutterknife.)

I'mRussian!

Oneofthoseskitsthatmaybeinappropriate.

Cast:4Russians,1Personlateforwork

Allactorscomeoutoneatatime,usingRussianaccentsexceptthelastperson.

#1:(Comesout)I'mRussian!

#2:I'mRussian!Thankyou!(Bows.)

#3:I'mRussian!Qvestions?

#4:I'mRussian!

#5:I'mlateforworkandI'mrushin'too!

TheImportantPapers

Thesettingcanbeeitherakingorabossinhisofficewhobeckonstoacourtierorassistantthathewantshisroyalorimportantpapers.Thepersonrunsinwithasheathofpapers,thekingorbossquiteagitatedtossesthemasideanddemandsthattheybringhimhisimportantpapers.OtherpeoplebringinotherthingsoneatatimesuchasaBoyScoutHandbooketc.thekingthrowsthemasideandgetsmoreandmoreupsetdemandingthathehavehisimportantpapers.Atlastthesomeonecomesinwitharolloftoiletpaper(courtjester,officeboyetc.).Thekingknightshimorthebosspromoteshimthankinghimprofuselyandrunsoffthestageinvisiblerelief.

TheImportantMeeting

Scene:Sixtoeightplayerssitaroundatablescatteredwithpapers,acoupleofwaterglasses,etc.Theymimeadiscussion,somejottingdownnotes,etc.

Enterthenarrator,outfittedasanewsreporter.Inconfidentialtones,thereporterexplainsthatthisisanimportantmeetingofthegroupcommittee,gatheredonthisoccasiontomakesomeveryimportantdecisions.

Asthenarratorsayssomethinglike,"Let'sseeifwecangetabitclosertohearhowthingsaregoing",thegroupatthetableaddsomemumblingandunintelligiblearguingtotheirmime.Occasionally,theypunctuatethedinwithoutburstssuchas,"No,no!";"Idisagree!";"That'sbetter";"Noway!";"Thatmightwork"andthelike.

Finally,thehubbubdies,thegroupsettlesback.Onememberstandsandannounces,"Thenit'sdecided;a12-slicepizzawitholives,mushrooms,lotsofcheese,butholdthepepperoni."

All:Agreed!

IntheFurnitureStore

Youneedafurniturestoresalesmanandacustomerwhoknowswhatis

happening.Beforethesalesmancansellanything,heneedsstock.Callforvolunteersfromtheaudience:fourtoliedowntomaketherug;threetocrouchasthecouch;oneortwochairs;alamp;andmostimportant,onegoodnaturedfellowtogetdownonallfoursasthecoffeetable.Whenallareready,acustomerentersandaskstoseeacouch.Thesalesmanshowshimthefurniture,extollingitshighqualityandlowprice.Hepaysparticularattentiontothecoffeetable:beautiful,sturdy,markandmar-proof,etc.

Thecustomershowssomeinterest.Thesalesmanpatsandwigglesthecoffeetabletoshowhowfirmandsteadyitis,thenpicksupacup(empty)andsayssomethinglike,"Seethiscupofwater?Pretendit'scoffee.

Whenitsitsonthistable,youknowitwillneverspill!"Heplacesthecupbetweentheshoulderbladesofthecoffeetableandjigglesitgently."See!"Thecustomersayshe'llthinkaboutitandleaves.ThedejectedsalesmanTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--42--

January1997

dismissesallthefurnitureexceptthecoffeetableandleaves.Thecoffeetabletriestofigureouthowhewillgetupwithoutspillingwhathethinksisacupofwateralloverhimself.Cheerhimon!

TheInfantry

AvariationoftheViper.

Ascoutrunsintoacampofsoldiersyelling"Theinfantryiscoming!Theinfantryisfivemilesaway!"Thesoldierslookup,mumble,andactnervous.

Ascoutrunsintothecampofsoldiersyelling"Theinfantryiscoming!Theinfantryisonemileaway!"Thesoldiersstandupandstartgatheringtheirgear.

Ascoutrunsintothecampofsoldiersyelling"Theinfantryiscoming!They'rejustoverthehill!"Allthesoldiersscreamandrunaway,oppositedirectionthatthescoutcamefrom.

Twopeopleruninfromthedirectionthescoutscamefrom,carryinganinfanttree.Theyrunafterthesoldiers.

tree.Theyrunafterthesoldiers.

Version2:

Cast:3-4People,Personcarryingasapling

#1:(Runsin)TheInfantryiscoming!Gotothebombshelters!

#2:(Amomentlater,runsin)TheInfantryiscoming!Saveyourselves!

#3:(Amomentlater,runsin)TheInfantryiscoming!Let'shelpthem!

#4:(Amomentlater,runsin)TheInfantryiscoming!Let'swatchthetanks!

(Amomentlater)

Person:Andhereitis,theInfantTree.

TheInjury

Onepersonislayingonthefloor.Twootherpeoplewalkup.

Firstperson:"Heythisguyishurt."hegoesandcheckshisheartbeat.

Firstperson:"Noheartbeat,helpmedoCPR"

Secondpersongoesdownandstartspumpingonthechestandthefirstguydoesthemouthblows.Dothisforalittlewhile.

Secondperson:"I'mgettingkindoftiredhereIthinkitistimetoswitch."

Firstperson:"OK,ready"

Atthispointthepersononthegroundgetsup,oneoftheotherpeoplegoesdownandtheystartdoingCPR

again.

Thereyougo,thisisagoodskittodowithleaders.

--ThankstoChrisHennessy

TheInspection

Cast:Leader,3-4Kidsinmessyuniforms,missinghats,insideout,nottuckedin,andsoon,andOneKidinperfect,fulluniform

Setting:MeetingHall

Leader:Troop!(Doesthesign.)Lineupforinspection.

Kidinperfectuniformisatendofline.Leadercheckseachone,says"Hmm,"ateachone,writesdownsomething.Getstolastkid.

Leader:Johnny!You'reinperfectuniform!Howmanytimeswillittakeforyoutogetitright!Youmaketheotherslookbad!

Intelligence

Twoditchdiggersarediggingaditchwhentheirbosswalksbyandthenjuststandsaround.Onediggerturnstotheotherandaskwhytheyhavetodoallthework,whilethebossgetspaidmore.Theothermandoesnotknowandsuggestthehegoasktheboss.Hethenaskstheboss,whoexplainsits"intelligence".Theworkerasks"whatdoyoumean?.Thebosssays"letmedemonstrateittoyou"whereuponheputshishandagainstatreeandtellstheworkertohithishandashardashecan.Whentheworkertries,thebosspullshishandaway,andtheworkerhitsthetreeinstead.Thebosssays,"Youseethat'sintelligence,nowgobacktowork!".Whenhereturnstotheditch,theothermanaskshimwhattheansweris.Theinjuredworkerexplainsits"inteelgence".HeTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--43--

January1997

explainstotheotherworkerbyputtinghishandonthefrontofhisownfaceandsays:"Seethishand,hititashardasyoucan!"

IntheFurnitureStore

Youneedafurniturestoresalesmanandacustomerwhoknowswhatis

happening.Beforethesalesmancansellanything,heneedsstock.Callforvolunteersfromtheaudience:fourtoliedowntomaketherug;threetocrouchasthecouch;oneortwochairs;alamp;andmostimportant,onegoodnaturedfellowtogetdownonallfoursasthecoffeetable.Whenallareready,acustomerentersandaskstoseeacouch.Thesalesmanshowshimthefurniture,extollingitshighqualityandlowprice.Hepaysparticularattentiontothecoffeetable:beautiful,sturdy,markandmar-proof,etc.

Thecustomershowssomeinterest.Thesalesmanpatsandwigglesthecoffeetabletoshowhowfirmandsteadyitis,thenpicksupacup(empty)andsayssomethinglike,"Seethiscupofwater?Pretendit'scoffee.

Whenitsitsonthistable,youknowitwillneverspill!"Heplacesthecupbetweentheshoulderbladesofthecoffeetableandjigglesitgently."See!"Thecustomersayshe'llthinkaboutitandleaves.Thedejectedsalesmandismissesallthefurnitureexceptthecoffeetableandleaves.Thecoffeetabletriestofigureouthowhewillgetupwithoutspillingwhathethinksisacupofwateralloverhimself.Cheerhimon!---

--ThankstotheLeaderMagazine,January1990

TheInvisibleBench

Need:4(ormore)scouts.

Firstboyissquattingasthoughsittingonaninvisiblebench.Thesecondboycomesinandaskswhatthefirstisdoing.

"I'msittingontheinvisiblebench."

"CanIjoinyou?"

"Sure,there'splentyofroom."

Secondboypretendstosit.

Athirdboycomesalong,andthescenerepeats.

Goonforasmanyboysasyouwant.

Whenthelastboycomesalong,asksandisanswered,hesays"ButImovedit

Whenthelastboycomesalong,asksandisanswered,hesays"ButImoveditovertherethismorning!"

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!Allseatedboysfalldown.

--ThankstoRichardAQuinnell,Pack609MontereyBayAreaCouncil

IsaTrainPassingToday?

Otherwiseknownas"IsTheTrainComin'?"intheLeaderMagazine.Oneofthoseskitsrarelydoneyetquitefunnyifdoneright.

Cast:Grandma,Grandpa

Setting:TrainStation

Grandma:(Inoldvoice)Grandpa,isatrainpassingfromthesouthtoday?

Grandpa:(Hobblesovertostation,checkstheschedule,lookstothesouth,returns,andinanoldvoice,)No,Grandma.

Grandma:Grandpa,isatrainpassingfromthenorthtoday?

Grandpa:(Hobblesovertostation,checkstheschedule,lookstothenorth,returns.)No,Grandma.

Grandma:Grandpa,isatrainpassingfromtheeasttoday?

Grandpa:(Hobblesovertostation,checkstheschedule,lookstotheeast,returns.)No,Grandma.

Grandma:Grandpa,isatrainpassingfromthewesttoday?

Grandpa:(Hobblesovertostation,checkstheschedule,lookstothewest,returns.)No,Grandma.

Grandma:Good.Wecancrossthetracksnow.

--44--

January1997

IsCaptainKiddAfraidofHimself?

Cast:CaptainKidd,Otherpeoplewalkingby,Mirror

Setting:Street

C.K.:I'mtheroughest,toughest,meanest,ugliestpiratetoroamtheseas.Watchthis.(Triestoscarefirstmanwalkingby.)

Man:I'mnotscaredofyou!

C.K.keepsontryingtoscarepeoplegoingtowork("Lateforwork!")walkingthedog(DogrunsupandstartstoplaywithC.K.)kids(theylaugh,"Hey!Halloweenisn'ttillnextmonth!")andsoon.Finally,he'squitedismayed.

C.K.:Hmm.MaybeI'mnotsoscaryafterall.MaybeIshouldgointomovies.(Looksathimselfinthemirror.)Ahhh!(Runsawayscared.)

IsItTimeYet?

Version1:

Haveseveralboysstandinginaline(facingtheaudience)withonearmonthenextboysshoulder.Thefirstboyinlinelooksatthesecondandasksthesecondboy,"ISittimeyet?"Thesecondboyasksthethirdboythesamequestionandsoondowntheline.Theboyattheendofthelinelooksathiswatchandsaystotheboynexttohim,"No,itsnottimeyet,"andthiscontinuesonupthelinetothefirstboyinthelineagainwitheachboysayingitinturn.Thiscancontinueacoupletimes;thenwhenitgetstothelastboy,hesays,"It'stime!"andwhenthemessagegetsbacktothefirstboyeachboymoveshisarmfromtheother'sshoulderandputshisotherarmontheboynexttohim.

Version2:

Lineof5-8Scoutsstandingwithleftfootcrossedoverright,rightarmcrossedoverleft.

FirstScoutinlineasks:"ISITTIMEYET?"-

SecondScoutasksthird,etcdowntheline.

LastScoutsays:"NO"

WordispassedbacktothefirstScout,oneScoutatatime.

Afteralonnnnnnnngpause,FirstScoutasks:"ISITTIMEYET?"

Itgoesdownthelineasbefore.

LastScoutsays:"NO"

Againandthewordispassedback.

Anotherlongpause...............

FirstScoutasksagain:"ISITTIMEYET?"etcand,

LastScoutsays:"YES"theanswerispassedback.JustafterthefirstScoutgetstheword,theyallchangetorightfootoverleftandleftarmoverright.

Version3:

TextfromBestofLeaderMagazineCutOutpages:

Sixtotenplayerssitinalinefacingtheaudience,legsstretchedoutinfrontofthem,leftlegcrossedoverrightattheankle.Theplayeratoneendaskstheonebesidehim,"Isittimeyet?"Thequestionpassesfrompersontopersondowntheline.Thelastplayerlooksathiswatchandtellsthepersonbesidehim,"No,notyet."Thereplypassesfromplayertoplayerbackupthelinetothefirstperson.Playerssendquestionandanswerupanddownthelinethreeorfourtimes,eachtimebecomingmoreandmoreimpatientandfidgety.Finally,theendplayerreplies,"Yes,it'stimenow."Thenewspassesfromonetoanotherupthelinetothefirstplayerwhosays,"Oh,thankgoodness!"Atthispoint,alltheplayersuncrosstheirlegsandre-crossthemrightoverleft.

IGottaGoWeee!

Cast:Patrolasleep(ie.lyingdown)intent

Scout1:Scouter,Igottagowee!

Scouter:Gobacktosleep.

Scout1:(Alittlelater)Scouter,Igottagowee!

Scouter:Gobacktosleep!

OtherScoutswakeupandmumble,"Aw,keepquiet,""Stopwhining,""You'rekeepingusawake,"etc.

Scout1:(Alittlelater)Scouter,Igottagowee!

Scouter:(Annoyed)Gobacktosleep!

--45--

January1997

OtherScoutswakeupandmumble,"Aw,keepquiet,""Stopwhining,""You'rekeepingusawake,"etc.)(continuesonceortwicemore.Finally,

Scout1:ButScouter,IreallygottagoWee!

Scouter:(Reallyannoyedandexasperated)Fine,Johnny,GOWEE!

Scout1:(Sitsup,startswigglingarmsandcallsout,)WEEEEE!WWWEEEEEEEEEEE!

J.C.Penney

Version1:

OneScoutisstandingonstage.ASecondScoutwalksup.TheFirstScoutsays,"Thoseareniceshoes.

Wheredidyougetthem?"TheSecondScoutsays,"J.C.Penny[J.C.PennyisadepartmentstoreintheUSA.]"

departmentstoreintheUSA.]"

andwalksoff.

AThirdScoutwalksup.TheFirstScoutsays,"That'saniceshirt.Wheredidyougetit?"TheThirdScoutsays,"J.C.Penny"andwalksoff.

AFourthScoutwalksup.TheFirstScoutsays,"That'sanicepairofpants.Wheredidyougetthem?"TheFourthScoutsays,"J.C.Penny"andwalksoff.

ASixthScoutwalksup.TheFirstScoutsays,"That'sanicehat.Wheredidyougetit?"TheSixthScoutsays,"J.C.Penny"andwalksoff.

ASeventhScoutwalksupwearingonlyatowel.TheFirstScoutsays,"Whoareyou?"TheSeventhScoutsays,"I'mJ.C.Penny."

Version2:

Cast:Personstandingonstreet,3Friendspassingby,JCPennyinunderwear/swimsuitonlySetting:StreetCorner

Rememberthatallofthefriendscomefromthesamesideofthestage,andleaveonthesameotherside(ie.

allarewalkinginthesamedirection.)

Person:Hey,Frank!Nicetoseeyou!Hey,Ilikethoseshoes!Where'dyougetthem?

Frank:JCPenney!Look,Igottarun!Bye!

Anotherfriendcomesup.

Person:John!Niceshirt!Wheredidyougetit?

John:JCPenney!Realniceclothes!Seeyou!

Anotherfriendshowsup.

Person:Steve!Hey!Thepants!Ilove'em.Where'dyouget'em?

Steve:JCPenney!Bye!

JCPenneycomesrunningthrough.

Person:Hey!Whoareyou?Whyareyourunningaroundlikethat?

JC:I'mJCPenney!I'mtryingtogetmyclothesback!

JointheArmy!

Cast:ArmyRecruiter,Trainees

Setting:Gymnasium

Recruiter:(Toaudience)Jointhearmyandlearnsomegreatskills!Youcanbecomeroughandtoughlikeme!Forinstance,youcanlearnwrestling!(Twotraineeswrestleonthefloor)Andhowaboutjudo!(Traineesdoajudoflip)AndTai-Chi!(TraineesdoTai-Chimoves.)Andmypersonalfavorite,Karate!(TriesaKaratechoponatrainee;traineeblocksit,recruiterhurtshimselfandrunsawaycrying.)JokeTellerApatrolofscoutsaresittingaroundthecampfire,eatingtheirdinner.Everyonceinawhileanolderscoutwillyelloutanumberandallofthescoutwilllaughhysterically.Allexceptonenewscoutwhojustlooksaround.

Finallyafterthreeorfournumbershavebeenyelledhethenewscoutaskhispatrolleaderaboutwhatisgoingon.

ThePatrolleaderexplainsthatatsomecampstheygotintroubleforthejokestheytoldsotheymemorizedthejokes.Eachmemberjustsaysanumberinordertotellajoke.ThePatrolleadergivesthenewscoutabookofjokestolearn.Thenewscoutfindsajokeandyells"52".Nothinghappens.Heasksthepatrolleaderwhynoonelaughed.Thepatrolleadersays:"Someguysjustdon'tknowhowtotellajoke!"

--46--

January1997

JumboBurgers

Cast:2People,RadioVoice

Setting:Park

#1:Boy,whatalunch!ThoseJumboBurgerswerereallystrange--butgood.Iwonderwhytheywouldn'ttelluswhatkindofmeatwasinit?

#2:Oh,youknow,theytellthat,thenpeoplewillexpectthekindsofspicesandotheringredientstheyputinandthey'lllosetheirsecretrecipe.

#1:You'reright.ButI'mstillcurious.

#2:Yeah,butforgetit.Maybewe'llgobacktomorrowandhaveanother.Let'sturnontheradio.

RadioVoice:JumbotheElephantfromLodge'stravelingcircusdiedlastnightduringaperformancefromaheartattack.Andforthisweek's"PoorTaste"award,giventorestaurantsforservingpoorqualityfood,goestoRichi'sBurgerHouse.Itappearsthattheyhavebeenserving"JumboBurgers"whoseoriginsseemtobealittlevague....(Guysrealizewhattheyateandstarttothrowup.)TheJump

Oneofthoseexceptionallygoodskitsthatisknownouttherebutstrangelyisrarelyeverdone;alwaysahit.

(Probablyanygoodjokemakesanexceptionalskit;thekeyisnotrepeatingittoooften.)Cast:Reporter,Doctor,Busdriver,Pilot,Mechanic,Cook,TaxConsultant(and/orjustaboutwhoeveryouneed--theonlyconstantistheReporter.)Setting:Cliff

Reporter:Ihaven'thadasinglestoryinweeks,soI'mgoingtocommitsuicidebyjumpingoffthiscliff.

(Swingsarmsto1,2,3)One...Two...(Suddenly,)

Doctor:Hey!Whatareyoudoing?

Reporter:Ihaven'thadasinglestoryinweeks,soI'mgoingtocommitsuicidebyjumpingoffthiscliff.Whyareyouhere?

byjumpingoffthiscliff.Whyareyouhere?

Doctor:Ihaven'thadapatientcometovisitmeinweeks.AndIgoofedalloftheoperationsI'vefilledinfor.

Hey!Whydon'twecommitsuicidetogether?

Reporter:Thatsoundsgreat.(Theyswingarmsto1,2,3)One...Two...

BusDriver:Hey!Whatareyoudoing?

Reporter:Ihaven'thadasinglestoryinweeks,soI'mgoingtocommitsuicidebyjumpingoffthiscliff.

Doctor:Ihaven'thadapatientcometovisitmeinweeks.AndIgoofedalloftheoperationsI'vefilledinfor.

Sowe'regoingtocommitsuicidebyjumpingoffthiscliff.Whyareyouhere?

BusDriver:Ikeeponhavingaccidentswithmybus,sotheyfiredme.Hey!Whydon'twecommitsuicidetogether?

ReporterandDoctor:Thatsoundsgreat.(Theyswingarmsto1,2,3)One...Two...

Pilotcomesinatthesametimeandaskswhat'sgoingon--samethinghappens,hegetsaskedwhyhe'shere,sohesaysthathekeepsoncrashingplanes.Theyallareabouttojumpwhenthecookcomesin,andthesamethinghappens,andhesaysthathealwaysburnsthefoodhecooks.Theyallareabouttojumpwhenthetaxconsultantcomesinandexplains,thesamewaytheothersdid,thathekeepsgivingbadtaxadviceandthegovernmentisjailinghiscustomersfortaxfraud.Finally,theyallareabouttojump,andtheydo--exceptforthereporterwhosays,Reporter:Hey!Whatastory!

KarateOrientale

OncedonewithaPiratethemewherebyinsteadofhavingakarateexpert,hadapiratewhowasgoodwithasword.Nochangeinprogressionorpunchline,though.

Cast:KarateExpert,3Muggers,1Muggerwithagun

Expert:InowcanfeelsafewhenIwalkthroughtheparkandnothavetoworryaboutmuggersnowthatIknowkaratefromallovertheworld.Forinstance,(muggersneaksuptohim,getsakaratechop,)Hiii-Ya!IlearnedthatJapaneseKarateChopinOsaka,Japan.(Anothermuggersneaksup.)Ilearnedthis--(flipshim)--theChineseMuggerFlip--inSouthernChina.(Yetanothermuggersneaksup.)IlearnedtheRoundtheWorldKick,likethisone(doesaturn&kickshim)inKorea.Soyousee,I'mquitesafeinthePark.

Suddenlyanothermuggerrunsinandshootstheexpertdead.

--47--

January1997

Mugger:Thatwasashotfroma.45specialIgotfromtheSearsCatalogue!

KeepCanadaBeautifulContest

Otherwiseknownas"TheContest"intheLeaderMagazine.TextfromTheBestoftheLeaderCutOutPages.

YoucouldjustaseasilydothisasKeepAmericaBeautifuloranyothercountryforthatmatter.

Cast:6Cubs

Setting:FiveCubsSittinginTheirClubhouse(indicatedbyappropriatesigns)playingagame.

Cub1:(Runsin,veryexcited)Hey,youguys!Didyouhearaboutthebigcontest?

Cub2:Whatcontest?What'sitabout?

Cub1:The"KeepCanadaBeautifulContest,"that'swhat!

Cub3:Arethereprizes?Acontestisnogoodwithoutprizes.

Cub1:Sure,lotsofprizes.Neatoneslikebicyclesandradios,andlotsofgoodstuff!

Cub4:(Gloomily)Ibetit'shard.Contestswithneatprizesarealwayshard.

Cub1:Nope!It'seasy.Eventherulessayit'sSIMPLE--inbigletters.Thewinneristheonewhopickstheeasiestway.

Cub5:Theeasiestwaytodowhat?

Cub1:TheeasiestwaytokeepCanadaBeautiful.That'swhatI'vebeentalkingabout!

Cub6:(Withaswagger)Ha!ThenI'macinchtowin!

Cub1:Why'sitsocinchyforyou?What'syourgreatwaytokeepCanadabeautiful?

Cub6:(Takesoutcombandcombshishair)See!That'stheeasiestwayIknowtokeepCanadaBeautiful.

Theotherslookathim,thenateachother.Quicklytheysurroundhim,carryordraghimtoalargeboxmarkedTRASH,anddumphimin.

Cub1:Likehesaid,fellahs,we'reacinchtowin!That'stheeasiestwayIknowtokeepCanadabeautiful.

(theyexit,laughingwhileCub6standsupinthetrashboxwithadisgustedlookonhisface.)KnotDemonstration

Apersoncomesoutwithalengthofrope.Heproceedstogiveaknotdemonstrationsomeofwhichdonotturnthewayheexpects.Hehascreativeandimaginativenamesforhisknotssuchasthedoublehitchbacklooptie,clovehitchwithatripleloopbight,etc.Thelastknothetiesisonethathesaysthatapersoncan'tloosen.Themoretheytrytoloosentheknotthemoreittightens.Hedemonstratesatemporaryversionofthisaroundhisneck.Hepullsontheknotwhenheisfinishesandexclaims,"Ohno,I'vetiedthewrongknot,I'vetiedthepermanentversion,andleavesthestagechoking.

TheKing'sRaisins

"IamtheKing.Bringmemyraisins!"

Firstsquire,"Hereareraisins,sire,fromthehillsofCalifornia!"

"Thoseraisinsarenotfitforpeasants!Bringmemyraisins!"

Secondsquire,"Hereareraisins,sire,fromthevineyardsofFrance!"

TheKing,"Theyarehardlyworthsneezingat.Bringmemyraisins!"

Thirdsquire,"Theseraisins,sire,werehand-pickedwithtweezersbyBenedictineMonksinGermany!"

TheKing,"Thesearetheworstyet!Bringmemyroyalraisinsupplier!"

Twoguysdragintheroyalraisinsupplier

TheKing,"Whyhaveyounotbroughtmemyraisins?"

Royalraisinsupplier,"Myrabbitdied!"

KnotDemonstration

Apersoncomesoutwithalengthofrope.Heproceedstogiveaknotdemonstrationsomeofwhichdonotturnthewayheexpects.Hehascreativeandimaginativenamesforhisknotssuchasthedoublehitchbacklooptie,clovehitchwithatripleloopbight,etc.Thelastknothetiesisonethathesaysthatapersoncan'tloosen.

Themoretheytrytoloosentheknotthemoreittightens.HedemonstratesatemporaryversionofthisaroundhisTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--48--

January1997

neck.Hepullsontheknotwhenheisfinishesandexclaims,"Ohno,I'vetiedthewrongknot,I'vetiedthepermanentversion,andleavesthestagechoking.

TheLandShark

Thesceneisalivingroomwitharadioplaying.AScoutischangingstations.Thereisanannouncement,readfromoffstage:"Weinterruptthisstationtobringyouanimportantnewsbulletin.AcriminalknownastheLandSharkhasbeenseenonthestreetsofthistown!Heknocksonthedoorsofsuspectingpeople,disguiseshisvoice,anduponentrance,devoursthemleavingnotraces.IftheLandSharkshowsupatyourdoor,donotopenit,andcallthepoliceimmediately.Wenowreturnyoutoourregularlyscheduledbroadcast."

Scout,turningoffradio:"IhopethatLandSharkdoesn'tshowuphere."

Threeloudknocksareheard."Whoisit?"

Offstage:"Pizzadelivery"

Scout:"Oh,great!Comeonin!"Hereachesoffstagetoopenthedoor.Handsreachoutandpullhimoffwithaloudgrowl.Curtaincloses.

CurtainopensonanotherScout:"I'veheardsomanyrumorsaboutthatLandShark.I'mcurious."(Threeloudknocks.)"Whoisit?"

Offstage:"LukePatersonfromMetropolitanLife."

Scout:"Whatdoyouwant?"

Offstage:"Ineedtoreviewyourpolicy.Yourneverknowwhensomethingmighthappen!"

Scout:"Comein."Opensdoor.Loudgrowl.Grabbedandpulledoffstage.Curtaincloses.

CurtainopensonanolderScout.Hehearsthreeknocks."Whoisit?"

Offstage:"Pharmacydelivery."

Scout:"Ididn'torderanymedicine."

Offstage:"Candygram."

Scout:"Fromwhom?"

Offstage:"Plumber."

Scout:"Mypipesarefine!Say,Iknowwhothisis.It'sthatnastyLandShark!"

Offstage,inasmallvoice:"I'monlyaguppy,sir."

Scout:"Oh,allright.Comein,then."Opensthedoorandispulledoffstage.Moregrowls.Curtaincloses.

Curtainopensonanold,sharpScout.Hehearsthreeknocks."Whoisit?"

Offstage:"BoyScoutTroop144.Wouldyouliketobuysomefertilizer,sir?"

Scout,looksattheaudienceandsmilesknowingly:"Justaminute."HegetsalargestickandpreparestohittheShark."Comein."

Heswingsthestickoffstage.Thereisaloudthump.AveryyoungScoutinfulluniformstumblesontothestageanddramaticallyfalls,facefirst.

TheLawnMowerI

Onepersonbendsoverpantomimingalawnmower.This"mower"rumblesandshakes,sputtering,asthegardenertriestostartit.Itdoesn'tstart.Othermembersoftheskittrytostartitwithnoluck.Thegardenerchoosesavolunteeroutoftheaudiencetotryandstartitanditstartsuprightawaychuggingalong.ThegardenerexplainsallittookwasabiggerJERK.

TheLawnmowerII

(Oneparticipantisonhishandsandkneesasthemower.)

Owner:(Yankingimaginaryrope,whilemowersputters)Thisdarnedoldmower,Ican'tgetitgoing.Ineedsomehelp.(Getshelpfromanotherparticipant.)Helper#1:Soyoujustwantmetoyankonthisrope,andgetitstarted?That'seasy!(Yankingrope)Mower:(Splutters,bobsupanddown)Helper#1:I'msorry.Ican'tseemtodoit.Haveyoucheckedthegas?

Owner:Yes,Ihave.Thanksanyway.Well,let'sseewhoelsehasastrongarm.(Selectsanotherparticipant)WhatIneedyoutodoistogivearealgoodyankonthestartingropeandmakeitrun.

Helper#2:Surething.(Yanksropeacoupleoftimes.)

Mower:(Bobsupanddown,sputters,coughs)

Helper#2:Sorry,Ican'tdoiteither.

Owner:WhatIneedissomeonebigandstrong(SelectsaLeader)(Leaderwillprobablymakesomecomments,butlethimtalkandgethimtopulltherope)TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--49--

January1997

Mower:(Splutters,coughs,startstovibrateandrun)

Owner:There.Allitneededwasagoodjerk.

LearningEnglish

Yetanotherwhichmaybeconsideredinappropriate.

Cast:Narrator,FrenchPerson,Storekeeper,BorderGuard

Narrator:Thisman(indicateFrenchperson)wantedtolearnEnglishsothathecouldgototheUStodosomeshopping.Sohewenttoastoreandboughtaradio(transactionmadewithshopkeeper.)Helistenedtoitallthetimeuntilfinally,whenhethoughtthathisEnglishwasgoodenough,hewenttotheborder.

BorderGuard:Whereareyougoing,Sir?

Frenchman:(Cracklesaresponse,likeradiowithbadreception.)

LearningtheAlphabet

Cast:Teacher,Kid

Setting:Classroom

Kid:(Toteacher)MayIgotothewashroom?

Teacher:Firstyouhavetorecitethealphabet.

KidrecitesthealphabetBUTleavesouttheletterP.

Teacher:YouforgottheletterP.Whathappenedtoit?

Kid:It'srunningdownmypants!

LetMeHaveIt!

Thisisanold,oldvaudevillestunt.Itdependsontheinteractionbetweentheplayersandthecrowd.

Overactingandshowingoffshouldbeencouraged.Theonlypropneededisalengthofrubbertubing,suchasapieceofoldbicycleinnertube.

Theskitshouldbepracticed,bothforthegreatesteffectandfortheprotectionoftheScout,whomustknowhowtoabsorbtheblow.TheScoutturnshisbacktotheMasterofCeremonies.Hebendspartlyforward,andpullsthetubingoverhisshoulder.Whenthetubingisreleased,hefallsforwardandrollstowardtheoppositeshoulder.Ifheholdsthetubeproperly,itwillflyoverhisshoulderwitha'Snap!'Hewillnotbehurtunlesshetakestheblowsquarely.TheMasterofCeremoniesshouldknowwhatisgoingtohappenandhowheshouldact,buthedoesnothavetoknowwhenhewillreceivehislong-distancephonecall.

TheSkit

TheMasterofCeremoniesispresidingoveraCourtofHonororacampfire.AScoutrunsontothestageandinterruptshimdramatically,"Ihavealongdistancetelephonecallforyou!"

TheScouthasalengthofrubbertubing.HehandsoneendtotheMC,explainingthatthisisthephoneline.

"I'llgetthelinestraightenedoutandconnectyou.WhenIsay'Ring-Ring',youholdituptoyourearandsay'Letmehaveit',andyou'llgetyourcall."

TheMClooksskeptical,looksattheScout,thenatthetube,thenattheScoutagainandfinallyagrees.TheScoutstretchesthelineandsays,"Ring-Ring".The

againandfinallyagrees.TheScoutstretchesthelineandsays,"Ring-Ring".TheMClooksattheaudience,thenattheScout,andplaysdumb."WhatwasIsupposedtosay?"

TheScoutwalksbackandrepeatshisinstructionsverypatiently.HerehearsestheMC,makinghimrepeatthelines.Theytryagain.TheScoutstretchesthelinefurtherthanbefore.Hesays,"Ring-Ring".TheMCforgetsagain.

TheScoutgoesthroughitallagain.Thistimehegetstheaudiencetohelpbysayingthekeyphrase,"Letmehaveit!"Withabiggrinfortheaudience,herepeatsthisseveraltimes.

Thistimehestretchesthetubetoitslimits,turninghisbacktotheMC,bendingover,andholdingthetubeoverhisshoulder.Helooksattheaudience."Ready?""Ready!""Ring-Ring."

TheMClooksattheaudienceandgrins.Nowheunderstands."Wait.WhatamIsupposedtosay?"

TheScoutfrownsattheaudience,loseshistemper,andcallsout,"LetMeHaveIt!"TheMCletsgo.

--50--

January1997

LettersfromHome

Props:Twosheetsofpaper.

Scott:(Enters)Gee,it'salwaysnicetogetaletterfromhomewhenyou'reatcamp.

Robin:(Enters)Hey,look,IgotaletterfrommyMom.

Scott:Metoo.Listen,myMomsaysshe'swritingthisletterslowly,becausesheknowsIcan'treadfast.

Robin:MinesaysIwon'tknowthehousewhenIcomehome..They'vemoved!

Scott:Oh,myDadhasanewjobwith500menunderhim.He'scuttingthegrassatthecemetery.

Robin:Ourneighborsstartedkeepingpigs.Momgotwindofitthismorning.

Scott:Oh,mygoodness.Mylittlebrothercamehomefromschoolcryingbecausealltheotherboyshadnewclothesandwecan'taffordanyforhim.Momsaysshegothimanewhatandletshimstandinthewindow.

Robin:Therewasawashingmachineinthenewhouse.ButmyMomputfourshirtsinit,pulledthehandleandtheydisappeared.Guessitdoesn'tworkright.

Scott:MyMomhadherappendixoutandadishwasherputin.And,oh,mysisterhadababythismorning.

Momdoesn'tknowifI'manAuntorandUncle,becauseshedoesn'tknowyetifit'saboyoragirl.

Robin:Oh,dear,there'saP.S.Itsays,Iwasgoingtosendyou$10.00,butIhadalreadysealedtheenvelope.

Scott:Well,it'snicetoknowthingsarenormalathome.

Robin:Yep.(Bothexit)

(Withthisskititispossibletoputeachboy'sscriptonasheetofpaper,andtheycanreaditout,asthoughtheywerereadingtheletter.Theyshouldrehearse,ofcourse,tomakeitsoundnatural.)LieDetectorAtransparentcontainer(i.e.anoldvase)andacoinwithastringattached.Thecontainersitsonatablewithaclothoverit.Havetwoguysstartupaconversationwhereonetriestoconvincetheotherthatthecontainerandcoinisaliedetector.Thecoinjumpsupanddownpulledbyanotherpersonbelowthetablewhensomebodytellsthetruth.Thesecondguydoesn'tbelievethefirstguythatthevaseisaliedetector.Punchlineisthattheboywiththecontainerandcoinsaysheisn'tlyingandthathehasn'tliedinhiswholelifewherethetablefallsoverwiththecontainerrevealingtheboyunderneath.

TheLighthouseSketch

Firstoftwoguys:"Thisisthelighthousesketch.Weneedavolunteerfromtheaudiencetobethelighthouse.

Anyvolunteers?"(Pickagirl,butdon'tsayyouneedagirl.)"OK,youaregoingtobethelighthouse.Ineedyoutostandupstraightrighthere,anddon'tmove.Oh,you'removing!Standstraightandstill."

Firstguy:"Nowweneedtorowoutandlightthelighthouse."Thetwoguyssitonthefloor,pretendingtobeinarowboat."Stroke!Stroke!Stroke!"Theyscootalongbackwardstothelighthouse,liketheyarerowingarowboat.

Firstguy:"Nowit'stimetolightthelighthouse.Matches!Matches?"

Secondguy,hittinghisforehead:"Weforgotthematches!"

Pretendtorowbacktoshoreandgetthematches,thenrowback

Firstguy:"Matches?Good.Wick?"

Secondguy:"Weforgotthewick!"

Pretendtorowbacktoshoreandgetthematches,thenrowback

Firstguy:"We'vegotthewicknow?Good.Matches?

Secondguy:"Um,..."

Firstguy>"Youforgotthematchesagain."

Secondguynods.Pretendtorowbacktoshoreandgetthematches,thenrowback.

Firstguy:"Matches."

Secondguy:"Matches."

Firstguy:"Wick."

Secondguy:"Wick."

Firstguy:"Finally!Nowit'stimetolightthelighthouse!"

Bothguyskissthegirlonthecheeks,thenrunoffstageasfastastheycan.Hopefullythegirlwillblush,lightingthelighthouse.

--51--

January1997

TheLighthouse

See"TheOldeLighthouse"inthisBigBook.

1narrator

3-6Scoutsforthelighthousewalls

3-6leaders,counselors,kitchenstaff,etc.,numbertoequaltheScoutsandwillbe'recruited'duringtheskit

1flashlight,or2ifusing5-6Scouts

Scoutsstandinacircle,facingout,feetspread2'-3'apartbuttouchingfeetofScoutsoneachside.Theflashlightisheldateyelevelandispassedaroundthecircle.Scoutsstandtallandholdthebeacon'sbeamsteady.

Narrator:"Manyyearsagothepeopleofaseasidevillagebuiltalighthousetowarnapproachingshipsofadangerousshoalneartheirharbor.It'sbeaconcouldbeseenformiles,eveninfogandstorms.Formanydecades,thelighthousestoodfirmandgavesafepassagetoallwhosailedbythevillage.Butastheyearswentby,thevillagersgrewoldandsodidthelighthouse.Thevillagerscouldnolongermakerepairs,theocean'swavesworeawaythefoundation,thelighthousestartedtosagandfailedatitsduty."

TheScoutsnowstoop,headsleantothesideandbendtheirkneesslightly;thelight'travels'azig-zagpatharound.

Narrator:"Whentheschoonersandsquareriggersstartedtogoagroundonthe

Narrator:"Whentheschoonersandsquareriggersstartedtogoagroundontheshoals,theoldvillagersknewtheyhadtocallinexperiencedpeopletohelpwiththeirproblem.Peoplewhowerepillarsintheirowncommunitiesandwhoweresolidasarock."

Recruityourfavorite'I'mgonnagetyounow'peopleandinstructthemtogodownontheirhandsankneesandintothewalls.Leadersarefacinginwiththeirderrieresout,andarestraddledbytheScoutswhoagainstandtallandgiveasteadylight.

Narrator:"Nowwiththesenewrocksplacedintothefoundation,thelighthouseonceagainshinesabrightbeaconandstandsfirminthestormysurftowithstandthepoundingofthewaves."

Scoutsdroptheflashlightandthenhandpaddletheleaders.

--ThankstoTheU.S.ScoutingServiceProject

LighteningStrike

Agroupofscoutsareouthuntingalongwiththetroopchaplain.TheTroopChaplainsays"Looktheregoesaduck."AScoutusingimaginaryrifletakesashot,andmissingsayssomethingbeginningwithDang.(Dang,Imissed.Dang,missedagain.Dangcanthitanything,etc.)EachtimethechaplainexplainsthatheisthechaplainandcautionstheScoutsfortheirlanguageandthattheywillangertheLord.Finallythechaplainbeingsomewhatputoutssays:"Ifyouusethatlanguageoncemore,theLordwillstrikeyoudownonthespot!".Repeatthescenario,Thereisone,bang,Dangmissedagain.Thenfromoutsideofthecampfireareisaloudband,OneoftheScoutsyellslookoutforthelightening,andthechaplainfalltotheground.Avoicefromoutsidethecampfiresaysinadeepvoice,"Dang!MissedAgain!"

Lights,Camera,Action

ThisskitisperformedonaHollywoodsoundstage,youhaveadirector,cameramanandactors:Doctor,leadingmanandmaiden.Themanisonhisdeathbed,maidenrunstocallforthedoctor,doctorcomesandsayshecan'thelp,withthemaidenathissidethemandiesinherarms.Themaidensobsonthedoctorshoulder.TheDirectoreverytimestopsthemoviehereandchangesthedirections:Tooslow,toofast,toosad,toohappy,.Therealfuncomesfrom

theactorsfollowingtheinstructions,fastisrunningandvoiceslikebees,slowisslowmotion,etc.(whenthemandiesslow,ittakesforever.)Thelastdirectionisdoitnormal,everyoneperformsandthedirectorisplease,thedirectorinstructsthemtodoitagainandsaystothecameraman,nowputthefilminthecamera!

LitterHurts

Ascoutcomesoutandbeginstalkingaboutlowimpactcampingandtheimportanceofpreservingnature.Ashewalksaround,heseesapieceoflitterandpicksitup.Hecomplainsaboutthethoughtlessnessofcamperswholitter.Nextascoutentersanddropslotsoflitterinhispath.Otherscoutsrushthelitteringscoutandbeathimup.Finallytheypickupthelitteringscoutandaskhimifhehaslearnanythingfrothisexperience?Heanswerspainfully:"Ilearnedthateverylitterbithurts!"(exitholdinginjuredpartsofbody.)TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--52--

January1997

LittleGreenBall

Firstscoutcomesonandsays'OhnoI'velostit'Hethenstartstosearcharoundonthefloor.Secondscoutcomesinandaskswhatheislookingfor.Firstscoutrepliesthathehaslosthislittlegreenball.Bothscoutscontinuesearchingthefloor.Severalmorescoutscomeonandaretoldaboutthelostlittlegreenball.evenmembersoftheaudiencecanbepersuadedtojoininthesearch.Afterenoughtimehasbeendraggedout,thefirstscout,sticksafingeruphisnoseandsays"Don'tworryIwillhavetomakeanotherone"YUK!!!!!

ListenattheWall

Onepersongoesalongawalllisteningandlistening.Otherscomealongandaskhimwhatheisdoing.Hesaysdramatically,"Listen,"andtheothersdo.Oneofthemsays,"Idon'thearanything",inadisgustedvoice.

"LISTEN",hesaysmoredramaticallyandtheylistensomemore.Againsomeonesays,"Idon'thearanything."

Theoriginallistenersays,"Youknow,"withafarawaylook,"itsbeenlikethatallday."

allday."

LivingXylophone

Theinstrumentconsistsofseveralkneelingperformers.Theplayerstrikeseachontheheadwithafakemalletorhisfistasifplayingaxylophone.Eachplayeruttersasinglenotewhenstruck.Simplesongssuchas"Twinkle,Twinkle,LittleStar"canbeplayedthisway.

LobsterTail

TwoScoutsenterafancyseafoodrestaurant,seatedbyHost,givenmenus,theystudyanddiscussthemenus,etc.Waiterarrivestotakeorders.Onecustomerordersshrimp.Thesecondsays,"I'dlikealobstertail,Please."Waitersaysappropriatethings,goesaway,returnswithastorybook,sitsdownnearcustomertwobutfacesaudience,andbeginstoread;"Onceuponatime,therewasalittlelobster......."

TheLoonHunt

ThisisacuteoneobtainedfromtheMt.NorrisScoutReserve,Vermont,StaffCampfire.

Cast:Narrator,twohunters,Melican,Loon,wiseman

Setting:Outinthewoods

Narrator:Thisisthestoryofthelittle-knownMelicanandtwohunters'effortstocaptureit.Forinstance,watch.

TheMelican,whichhasbeendancingaroundduringtheNarrator'sspeech,suddenlyspotsthetwohunters,whoblunderingly,andunsuccessfully,attempttocatchtheMelican.Duringthenextspeech,allactorsactaccordingtotheNarrator'sstoryline.

Narrator:SeveraltimesourboldhuntersattempttocatchthisMelican;theyusetraps,"Melican"calls,evenasickloon.(Everyonceinawhiletheactorsmakeappropriatecomments.)Butallthiswastonoavail.Finally,theyconsultedawiseman.

Hunter1:Wiseman,wehavebeentryingtocatchtheMelicanforquiteawhile,butwithoutanysuccess.Weeventriedtolureitwithasickloon,becausewe'd

butwithoutanysuccess.Weeventriedtolureitwithasickloon,becausewe'dheardthatitwasagoodidea.Whatdoyousuggest?

Wiseman:(Inoneofthoseold,strained,manyyears-of-experiencesagevoices,)Youhavebeengoingaboutitalmostintherightway.ButtheMelicanalsoneedsasweetertrap!

Hunter1:(Bewildered)Uh...Thankyou,Wiseman!Let'sgo!

Hunter2:Whatdidhemeanbyasweetertrap?

Hunter1:Idon'tknow.Maybeweshouldfeedoursickloonsomesugar!

Hunter2:Sugar?

Hunter1:Yeah!Youknow,likesugarcuredham!

Narrator:Andsoourbravehunterstookabagofsugarandforceditdowntheloon'sthroat.Ahh...WatchnowastheMelicanspotsourloon.

TheMelicanseestheloonandDIVESforit,atwhichpoint,thehunterscapturetheMelican.

--53--

January1997

Narrator:OutbravehuntershavefinallysucceededincapturingtheMelican.Which,dearaudience,leadstothemoralofthisstory...AloonfulofsugarhelpstheMelicangodown!

LostItemaroundCampfire

Firstboysearchesthegroundaroundthecampfire.

Secondboy:"Whatareyoulookingfor,maybeIcanhelpyoufindit.

Firstboy:"Idroppedmyneckerchiefslide."

Secondboy:"Wherewereyoustandingwhenyoudroppedit."

Firstboy:"Overthere."(Hepointsintothedarkness."

Secondboy:"Thenwhyareyoulookingoverthere."

Firstboy:"Areyoukidding?It'stoodarkoverthere.Youcan'tseeathing."

TheLostLollipop

(Smallboyissitting,crying)

Passerby#1:(Enters)What'swronglittleboy,whyareyoucrying?

Boy:(Sobbing)Ilostmylollipop!

Passerby#1:Haveyoulookedforit?

Boy:(Continuestosob)Oh,yes,I'velookedundermybed,inmysockdrawer,andeveninCharlie'spocket.

Passerby#1:I'veheardthatchantingoftenworks.Youthinkveryhardaboutthelollipopuntilyoucanseeitinyourmind,andchant'lollipop'overandoveragain.

Boy:(Closingeyestightly)Bigredyummylollipop,bigredyummylollipop,bigredyummylollipop.

Passerby#1:(Nodsapprovalandstrollsout)

Boy:(Continueschantingforawhile,thenstartscryingagain)Passerby#2:(Enters)What'swrong,littleboy?

Boy:(Sobbing)Ilostmylollipop,andIhuntedandhunted,thenthismantoldmetochant,andIdid,anditdidn'twork!

Passerby#2:Chanted?

Boy:Yeah,likethis(Demonstrates,thenstartstocry)

Passerby#2:Don'tcrylittleboy.Maybeweneedmorehelp.

Boy:(Turnstoaudience)You'remyonlyhelptogetmylollipopback.Everybody,verysoftlynow,chantwithme,"Bigredyummylollipop,bigredyummylollipop,bigredyummylollipop."(Getseveryonedoingitinunison)Great!Ithinkit'sworking,keepgoingnow.

Passerby#1:(Re-enters)Hilittleboy.Diditwork?

Boy:(Loudly)No,itdidn't,butIdidfindawholelotofsuckers!

TheLostQuarter

NumberofParticipants:5ormore

Props:Flashlight

Scene:Onepersonactsasalamppost,shiningaflashlightontheground.Another(#1)isgropingaroundinthepooloflight.

Athirdpersonenters,sees#1,andasks:"Whatareyoulookingfor?"

#1:"AquarterthatIlost".

Hejoins#1,andhelpshimsearch.Afourthandfifthenterandrepeattheabovescene.

Finallyoneofthemasks#1:"Wheredidyouloosethequarter?"

#1:(Pointingaway)"Overthere:.

Boy:"Thenwhyareyoulookinghere?"

#1:"Becausethelightisbetteroverhere!"

LunchBreak

Props:Lunchbagsorpails.

Announcer:Weseehereaconstructionsite.Itisnowlunchtime,andtwofriendsareabouttoeat.

Worker1:(Openslunchbagandlooksverydisgusted)Yechhhh!!Eggsaladsandwichesagain!

Worker2:Look,ifyouhatethemthatbad,I'llswapwithyou.

(Bothpretendtoeat,thenexit.)

--54--

January1997

Announcer:Thenextday.

Worker1:(EnterswithWorker2,openslunchbagandlooksverydisgusted)Yechhhh!!!Eggsaladsandwichesagain!

Worker2:O.K...I'lltradewithyouagain.(Bothpretendtoeat,thenexit.)Announcer:Thenextday.

Worker1:(EnterswithWorker2,openslunchbagandlooksverydisgusted)Yechhh!!Eggsaladsandwichesagain!

Worker2:(Angrily)Look,ifyoudon'tlikeeggsaladsandwiches,whydon'tyouaskyour(wife/mom/significantother)tomakesomethingelse?

Worker1:My(wife/mom/significantother)??She'sgotnothingtodowithit.Imakemyownsandwiches!

MadReporter

Thesceneisabridgewhereaverydepressedreporterisabouttojumpoff(theendofthestageoraplatformcouldbetheendofthebridge).Thereportersaysthathehashadit,can'tgetabigstory,allwashedupandwantstoenditall.Hecallsout,one,two,swinginghisarmswhenanotherpersonshowsupandaskswhatisgoingon.Hetellshimhissadstorywhichencourageshimtotellhimhis;theybothgetdepressedanddecidetojump.Theycallout,one,two,andanotherpersonshowsup.Theyeachtellthispersontheirsadstoryandhe

anotherpersonshowsup.Theyeachtellthispersontheirsadstoryandhedecidestojumpto.OncemoretheycalloutOne,...Two,...Three!Allthepeoplejumpexceptforthereporterwhorunsoffsaying;"I'vegotagreatstory,twopeoplejumpoffthebridge.Waituntilthebossseesthis."Abuildingcouldbeusedaswellasabridge.

TheMagicBandanna

Twoguyscomeout,oneisthemagician,onehisnotsosmartassistant.Themagicianintroduceshisactandsendshisassistanttoatablebehindhim.ThemagicianfacingtheaudiencetellsHerkimertodoexactlyashesays.ThereisatablebyHerkimerwhichhasabandannaandabanana.ThemagicianasksHerkimertopickupthebandannaandtoperformvariousactionssuchasputthebandannainhisrighthand,folditinhalf,foldthefourcornerstogether,stuffitinhisleftfistanduponone,two,three,itwilldisappear.However,Herkimer,picksupthebanana,notthebandannaandperformstheseactions.AttheendwhenHerkimerissupposedtoshowhisfist,forthedisappearanceofthebandanna,hethrowsthemashedupbananaatthemagicianinstead.Themagicianchaseshimoffstage.

TheMagicDoctor'sChair

Charactersrequired,1doctorandfourpatients.Propsrequired,twochairs.

Scenebeginswithdoctorsittingononeofthechairs.

Firstpatiententerstwitchingtheirleftarm.

DOCTOR:'Andwhat'swrongwithyousir?'

Patient1:'AsyoucanseedoctorIhavethisterribletwitch'

DOCTOR:'Justsitonmymagicchairandyou'llgetbetter'

Thepatientsitsonthechairandstopstwitching,butthedoctor'sleftarmstartstwitching.

Patient1:'Ohthankyoudoctor.youcuredme'

Thepatientleaves,thedoctorstilltwitchingcallsforthenextpatient.

DOCTOR:'Next'......'Andwhat'swrongwithyousir?'

Thispatienthasthehiccups.Theprocessofsittinginthechairisrepeated.Thedoctornowhasatwitchandthehiccups.

Thethirdpatientiscalledin,bothhislegskeepflickingintheair.Theprocessisagainrepeatedsothatthedoctornowhasatwitchingarmthehiccupsandbothlegsflickingintheair.

Thedoctornowcallspatientfour.Thispatientlooksquitenormal,entersandsitsinthemagicchair.

DOCTOR:'AndwhatmayIaskiswrongwithyousir?'

Patient4:'I'vegotaterriblecaseofthetrotsdoctor'Thedoctorrunsoffthestageholdinghisstomach.

Note:TROTSisEnglishslangforcan'tstopgoingtothetoilet

--ThankstotheAustralianScoutAssociation

--55--

January1997

MartianMamma

Mammaiswashingdishes,backtobaby.Babysaysthathewantsadrink."Rightinfrontofyoudear",saysmamma.Babypicksupgreendrink.BabysaysthathewantsMartianCreamPie,gettingrealpushy,aggressive,andbratty;throwingthedrinkonthefloor.Babytellsmammathathespilledhiscometjuice.Mammaturnsaroundputtingouttwofakearmstellingthebabythatsheonlyhasfourarms.

MeasurementProblem

Ittakesallkinds.

Need:3scouts(2olderscoutsand1CubScout).

(TwoScoutscomeonstagecarryingalongpole.Theypropitup,thenstandbackandlookatit.)Scout1:Now,thereareseveralwayswecanfigureouttheheightofthispole.Howdoyouwanttostart?

(TheScoutsunsuccessfullytryvariousmethodsofestimationtocalculatetheheightofthepole.Theconversationgoessomethinglike....)

Scout1:Accordingtomycalculations,thatpoleisabout2mhigh.

Scout2:There'snoway.Ithasgottobeshorterthanthat.Justlookatit.

(ThiskindofexchangerepeatsseveraltimesastheScoutsobviouslybecomemoreandmoreexasperated.

ACubstrollsontothestage.)

Cub:Hi!(hewatchesabit)Whatareyouguystryingtodo?

Scout2:We'retryingtomeasuretheexactheightofthispole.

Scout1:Wehaven'thadtoomuchluck,yet,butwe'llgetit.

Cub:Whydon'tyoujustlaythepoleonthegroundandmeasureitslength?

Scout1:(scornfully)Cubs!

Scout2:I'llsay.(TotheCub)Didn'tyouhearright?Wewanttoknowhowtallthepoleis-nothowlongitis

--ThankstoTheU.S.ScoutingServiceProject

MedicalGenius

Settingistheofficeofafamouspsychiatrist.Heisseatedbehindatable.Nursebringsinapatientwithaflowerpotonhishead.Anotherpatiententersandrunsaround,wavinghisarmsasifflying.Nextpatientkeepsbrushinghisclothesandcomplainsaboutbugscrawlingonhim.Doctorsays:"Forheaven'ssake,don'tbrushthemoffonme.!"

MilitaryGenius

Sergeantisdrillingagroupofuniformedmen,whoareaprettysloppylot-shoestringsuntied,shirttailsout,collarsunbuttoned,hatsatoddanglesetc.Sergeantdrillsinamarch,buttheygointhewrongdirections,tripwhileturning,andsoon.Finally,hehasofthegroupmarchingleftandtheotherhalfmarchingright.Heinstructsthemtoreversedirectionandturnandmarchtowardeachother.Insteadofpassingbetweeneachother,theymeetheadonandallfalldown.Sergeantweepsbitterlyintoalargehandkerchief,stepsamongtheprostratebodiesandpretendstojumpupanddownonthem.

MixedBodyActing

Fastenashirtbackwardsaroundthefirstperson'sneck,leavingthesleevesempty.Haveasecondpersonstandbehindthefirstandputhisarmsthroughtheshirtsleeves.Asheetisheldbytwoothersbehindtheheadofthesingerhidingthesecondperson.Asthefirstpersonsings,thesecondpersongestureswithhishands.Thiscanbedonewithmorethanonesinger.Variation1:Insteadofsinginghavethesecondpersontryingtodovariousordinaryactssucheatingfromabowl,tyingshoes,cookingsuchascrackingeggs(onthenarratorasonepossibility)etc.

MixedUpMagic

Childistoldtocleanroom.Thechildhatestocleanhisroomsohegetsouthisbookofmagicspellsanduseonetocleantheroom.Unfortunately,theroomgetsworsewithclothesetc.throwninfromoffstage.Thishappensagaintwice.Thechilddecideshemightaswellcleanupthismessandproceedstodoso.Whentheroomisfinallyclean,thechildisreadytothrowthemagicbookinthegarbage.Thechildtalkingtohimselfsays,"EnoughofthisHocusPocus".Morestufffliesin.Thechildmoansnotagain!

--56--

January1997

TheMotorcycleGang

Sometimestheloserloses,nomatterwhathetries.

Asmalltentissetuponstage.Itshouldbeeasytocollapse,andprobablyshouldnotbeyourbesttent;itgetscollapsedbytheweightofseveralScouts.

TwoScoutswalkonstagetogether.Theycalleachother"Master"and"Slave"astheydiscussthetriptheyaretaking.Theynoticethatitisgettingdark,anddecidetospendthenight.TheMasterannouncesthathewillsleepinthetent.Asheclimbsintothetent,theSlavestartstocomeinalso.TheMastertellshimthatthereisonlyroomforoneperson,andthattheSlavemustsleepoutside.TheSlaveprotestsweakly,looksdisgusted,andeventuallyliesdownontheground.Theygotosleep.

Agangofmotorcyclistsroarsontothefarendofthestage,makingmotorcyclenoisesandpretendingthattheyareriding.Theystop,discoverandpointatthesleepingSlave,anddiscussamongthemselves,"Let'sgethim!"

TheyrushacrossthestageandbeatuptheSlave,whoscreamsandcallsforhelp.Thegangrushesaway,"Let'sgetoutofhere!"

TheSlaverushestotheMaster'stentandwakeshim.Hetellsexcitedlyabouttheattack,andbegstosleepinthetent.TheMasterrefusestobelievehim,accuseshimofinventingthestory,andsendshimbacktosleepoutside.Againtheygotosleep.

Themotorcyclegangreappears,andrepeatsthescene.TheSlaveisterrorizedandinsistsonsleepinginthetent.Hegetsdownonhiskneesandpleads.TheMasterisangry,andcallshimacoward.JusttoshowtheSlavethatthereisnothingtofear,theMasterdecidesthathewillstayoutsideandtheSlavewillsleepinthetent.

Themotorcyclegangappearsagain,andconfersatsomelength.Theydecide,"Thistime,let'sgettheguyinthetent!"TheyknockthetentdownandfallontheSlave-again.

TheMotorcycleShop

TheMotorcycleDealerintroduceshimselfandhisshop.Hestocksmanytypesofmotorcycles,andtheyareallinexcellentcondition.Infact,hewill

ofmotorcycles,andtheyareallinexcellentcondition.Infact,hewilldemonstratehowgoodtheyarebymakingasaletothenextcustomerwhowalksinthedoor.

First,ofcourse,heneedssomevolunteersfromtheaudience.Threeareselected,andeachisbriefedquicklyashecomestothefront.(Choosescapegoatswhohavecharacteristicssimilartothemotorcycletheywillrepresent.)Thefirstistogoslowlywhenstarted.Thesecondwillgoveryfast,almostlosingitsrider.Thethirdshouldnotgoanywhere.Theyarelinedupontheirhandsandkneesfacingthecrowd."Now,"saystheDealer,"YoucanseewhatfinemotorcyclesIhave."

AScoutwalksinandasksifhehasanymotorcyclesforsale.Ofcourse,theDealeriseagertoshowhisstock.

ThisfirstoneisaSmith(usethevictim'sname).It'sonly200cc's,butanicelittlemachine.TheDealermakeshissalespitchandinvitestheBuyertogoforaride.TheBuyerstraddlestheSmith,raiseshimselfupandmimicsusingthekickstarter.TheBuyermakesmotorcyclenoises,notveryenergetically.He'rides'(actuallystraddlesandwalks)theSmitharoundinaslowcircle,returningtothestartingpoint."That'stooslow,"saystheBuyer,"Doyouhaveanythingmorepowerful?"

Thenextmotorcycleisa1000ccYablonski.AgaintheBuyerclimbsaboardandoperatesthekickstarter.

TheYablonskiroarstolifeandracesaroundinacircle.TheBuyercanbarelyholdon."That'stoofast!Icouldkillmyselfonthatone!"

TheDealersayshethinkshehasjusttherightone,aJonesthatherecentlyreceivedontrade-in.It'singoodconditionandhasabouttherightpower.TheBuyerclimbsonandtriestostart.Hemakessputteringnoises.

Afterseveraltrials,hecomplainsthatsomethingjustisn'trightbecausetheJoneswon'tstart.Hegetsoffandstandslookingatthemotorcycle.

TheDealeryellsangrilytoJoe,whoisoffstage,"Joe!IthoughtItoldyoutoputgasintheJones!"

Joereplies,"SorryBoss!I'lldoitrightnow!"JoeentersquicklywithabucketorgascanandpourswaterontotherearendoftheJones.

Mr.Kerplunk

AnnouncehimasMr.Kerplunktheworldrenownspitter.HecouldbeFrench,German,etc.withtheappropriateaccent.Hesayshewilldemonstrateseveralofhisfamousspitsforthegroup.AnassistantholdsabucketacrossthestageforMr.Kerplunktospitinto(taponthebottomofthebuckettocreatethespecialeffect).

Herearesomeexamplesofspitstousebutbecreativeincreatingyourown:1)ShortShot:Hespits;soundeffectcomesimmediately.

--57--

January1997

2)RicochetShot:Hespitsforasidewall(treeetc.ifoutside)andwatchesitbouncearoundbeforeithitsthebucket.

3)LongShot:Hespitsandfollowsthelongarcwithhishead;soundmadeafteralongpause.

4)FastShot:Soundeffectismadebeforehespits.

5)SuperShot:Advertisedasthemostfamous.Spendsaminutegettingmouthfullofspit,checksbulgeoutandfinallyspits.Guyinfrontstandsupandwipeswaterorraweggfromeye.

MusicalGenius

Theannouncermakesafloweryintroductionabouthowfortunatetheaudienceistohavetheopportunitytohearthesplendidvocalgroupabouttoperform.Aftertheintroduction,thegroupmarchesontostageandlinesupacrossthefront.Theannouncerstatesthattheirfirstnumberwillbethatappealingballad"TheLittleLostSheep".

Followingashortmusicalintroduction,singersopentheirmouthsandproducealong,loud"Baa-a-a".

long,loud"Baa-a-a".

MusicalToiletSeatSalesman

Ascoutisadoortodoorsalesman,sellingMusicalToiletSeats:Ifyouhavesomecardboardmakepropsliketoiletseats.Salesmanapproacheseachhomeknocksonthedoorandsellstheseat:Salesman:"Goodmorningsir,Iliketoshowyouthenewestthinginelectronictechnology.Mycompanyhasdevelopedthenewmusicaltoiletseat.Wouldyoubeinterestedinbuyingthismoderndaymarvel?"(hamthisup,pleadbeg,etc.beadoortodoorsalesman)Customer1:"DoyouhaveonethatplaysDixie?"Customer2askedfor"EattheRich".Customer3askedfor"StarSpangledBanner"Salesman,Isuredo,Hereitis,Ihopeyoulikeit.I'llcomebacktomorrowtomakesureyouaresatisfied."

ThenextdaytheSalesmangoesbackandaskedofeachcustomer:Howdidyoulikethemusicaltoiletseat.?

Customer1:"Itwasgreat,itplayedDixieandIsattherewithabucketoffriedchickenenjoyingeachnote.

Customer2:"Itwasgreat.IlistenedandreadacopyoftheRollingStonemagazine."Customer3:"Ihatedit,Itjustdidnotworkout.

SalesmanrespondstoCustomer3:"wehaveneverhadanunsatisfiedcustomer,whatwentwrong?

Customer3:"It'sthatmusic."EverytimeIsitdownonthetoilet,itstartsplayingtheStarSpangledBannerandIhavetostandupagain!"

Norbert

NorbertisanunusualyoungScoutwhoisveryproudofbeingself-sufficient,andlikestotellusabouthisability.Heisalittleuncoordinated,muchtothedelightoftheaudience.

Thisskitisbestpresentedindoorswitharelativelysmallaudience,soNorbert'sdemonstrationisappreciatedupclose.Theskitisbestifnotrehearsed.

Preparation

DocumentOutline

IntroductionStagingSkitsOtherSourcesofSkitsTheBigBookofSkits

TheAirplaneAirplaneShortRunwayAmericanFolkTaleSkitTheAntsArtisticGeniusTheGreatAugTheBabies&DadsBackpackingABadTurnBalloonOrchestraTheBaseballGameBearHuntBeeStingTheRootBeerCommercialBellRinger#1BellRinger#2BellRinger#3BePreparedTheBestSpitterInTheWorldTheBetterThiefTheBicycleShopBigGameHuntingBigItchTheBiggerJerkTheBiggestTurkeyBlackBartTheBlanketTossingTeamBlindfoldBonfireBorderCrossingBrainShop

BrainTransplantTheBriefcaseABrotherhoodofScoutingTheBubbleGumontheStreetTheBubbleGumintheStudiosBuffaloStoriesBusDriverC.P.R.CamelPatrolCampCoffeeSketchCanYouDoThis?TheCandyShopTheCandyStoreCandyStoreCandyStore(variation)ChangeUnderwearChewingGumChinFacesClimbThatTheCompassTheComplainingMonkContagiousDiseaseWardCourtCaseCourtSceneCrazyCharlieCubCookoutCubOlympicsCubScoutSocksCubShopDamn!(orshouldIsayDarn?)DancingKneeDollsTheDangerousTentTheDeadBodyTheDenMother'sBouquetDidYouHaveV-8?DinnerSpecialDoctor!Doctor!Doctor'sOfficeDoggieDoctor

DoggieDooTheDumbActorsEasterBunnyTheEchoEcho,again!EchoPointElevatedGumTheElevatorEmergencyRoomDoctorTheEnlargingMachineEskimoPieTheFailedReporterTheFireFirebuildingTheFiringSquad

Version2:FishMarketFishin'FishingFishingonaParkBenchFishingSuccessTheFishingTripFlasherFleaTheFleaCircusFloratheFleaFlyintheSoupFlyingHighFlyintheSoupFood,Water&MirrorontheSaharaTheFortuneTellerFourLeafCloverTheFourSeasonsFredtheTrainedFleaFriendsofYearsTheFrightenedHunterGameShowGatheringoftheNutsIGatheringoftheNutsII

TheGeneralStoreTheGhostofMidnightGhostWithOneBlackEye

GhostcatchersGiantWormGlassofWaterGoCartGoneFishin'TheGoodSamaritanGoodSoupGranny!WakeUp!Granny'sCandyStoreTheGreatestSpitterintheWorldGreaseGreenSideUp!GreenSideUp!TheGreyhoundBusTheGrowingMachineTheHairCutMachineHairyHamburgerHarlemGlobetrottersHaveYouSeenmyBellyButton?TheHeartAttackHeaven'sGateHerman,TheTrainedFleaHiccupforMeTheHighestTreeclimberintheWorldAHotMeal!HowdoIdoThat?HowtoMaketheTeamHowtoWashAnElephantIGottaGoWeeIgorI'mGonnaGetYou!I'mRussian!TheImportantPapersTheImportantMeetingIntheFurnitureStoreTheInfantryTheInjury

TheInspectionIntelligenceIntheFurnitureStoreTheInvisibleBenchIsaTrainPassingToday?IsCaptainKiddAfraidofHimself?IsItTimeYet?IGottaGoWeee!J.C.PenneyJointheArmy!JokeTellerJumboBurgersTheJumpKarateOrientaleKeepCanadaBeautifulContestKnotDemonstrationTheKing'sRaisinsKnotDemonstrationTheLandSharkTheLawnMowerITheLawnmowerIILearningEnglishLearningtheAlphabetLetMeHaveIt!LettersfromHomeLieDetectorTheLighthouseSketchTheLighthouseLighteningStrikeLights,Camera,ActionLitterHurtsLittleGreenBallListenattheWallLivingXylophoneLobsterTailTheLoonHuntLostItemaroundCampfireTheLostLollipopTheLostQuarter

LunchBreakMadReporterTheMagicBandannaTheMagicDoctor'sChairMartianMammaMeasurementProblemMedicalGeniusMilitaryGeniusMixedBodyActingMixedUpMagicTheMotorcycleGangTheMotorcycleShopMr.KerplunkMusicalGeniusMusicalToiletSeatSalesmanNorbertNapoleon'sLastFarewellTheNewBadgeTheNewCarNewSawNewsFlash!NoRocketScientistNosebleedNoSkitNuttyFishermanTheNursesOffensiveBusPassengerOh-Wa-Ta-Goo-SiamTheOldGumOldMovieSceneOldSocksTheOldeLighthouseOlympicDramaOOOOOOABug!TheOperationTheOuthouseintheYangtzeRiverTheOuthouseSketchTheOutlawOvertheCliff

ThePage(TheSkit)PaintingtheWallsPantherTracksTheParachuteThePartyWarehousePassthePepperPatience,Jackass,Patience!PeanutsPeanutsintheLakePencilsPetShopPickin'CottonPickpocket

PickpocketsPickpockets#2PieintheFaceThePilferedWarehouseThePirateFamilyPlaneLandingPlayBallPLCMeetingPoisonSpringThePoorExcusesPopCommercialPostOffice/King'sRoyalPaperPottedPlantPresentsfortheTeacherPrisonerTheProfessor'sAddressPuppyintheBoxAQuietDayRaisinRealThingReggieandtheColonelTheRestaurantRestaurantMinutesRise,Walk,andKill,IgorRiverRunRowing

SalesmanSaloonSargeAndThePrivateSchool'sonFireScientificGeniusTheScoutUniformScoutmaster'sBrainsScoutmaster'sGiftScoutmaster'sSawTheScrewyNavelShapeUp!TheShortRunwayTheShrimpyBoxerShutUp!TheSiberianChickenFarmerSidewalkClimbingSingerSixWiseTravelersTheSleepWalkerSlugTrainersTheSmartScoutSmokeSignalsTheSneezeSoldierIntheBattlefieldSomeoneChantedEveningSoundsoftheLostScoutmasterTheSoundsoftheWildernessSourNotesSpaceDerbySkit.TheSpecialPapersSpellingContestTheSplitBallSPL'sTooToughToBeTastySpringSpringisSprung!StarGazingSt.PeterTheStatueWarehouseStatuesinthePark

TheStrangeTreesSubmarineSubmarinePatrolSubmarineTrainingTheSuccessfulFishermanSuperClutzATalkingMartian!TanketyTankTentingThar'saBearThere'saBear!TheThinkerTheThirstyDonkeyTheThirstyFishermanThreeAgainst1000ThreeRiversThreeRiversIIThreeScoopsTicketLineTimeontheParkBenchTimothyEatonToothacheToothpasteTracksTheTrainedCaterpillarTheTrainSkitTheTreesTrickorTreatTrimmingtheChristmasTreeTurkeyContestTheTwelveDaysofChristmasTwistMouthFamilyUgliestManintheWorld(orBadBreath)UglyBabyUpHaroldUpsideDownSingersVampireSnackTheViperisComingTheWall

TheWaiterWaiter!TheWaitingRoomWashington'sFarewellWater,Water!WeAin'tGottheMoneyfortheMortgageontheFarmWeHit!TheWeatherManTheWell-TrainedElephantWhattheHeckWasThat?WhatTimeisit?What'stheProblem?What's2+2?WhoSneezed?WhyAreYouLate?WorldsGreatestPitcherTheWorld'sGreatestSpitterTheWorld'sUgliestManWhataDayTheWrongSkitYouDon'tSay!YouNeedaTie,SirYou'veBrokentheRules!YukonWinter49...49...49The5thFloor7JerksontheLine

Walk-ons,Run-onsandOtherShortsTheAnnouncementGoingtoCourtBeamMeUpSmokeSignalsLittleBrotherSquirrelsItsAllAroundMe!LeavingPullingStringAllOverMeThrowingUp

FireDrillAlienTheRulerI'maRabbitMissedPopQuizWait!Wait!WhataDay

TheNuttyFishermanBeeStingFinale

The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits

Documents

The St. Catharines Collegiate Skits (Date Unknown)

Ten Novelty Skits

SKITS - Young Life · Web viewSKITS For a long time everything (mixers, minutes, skits, and run-ons) was called a “skit”. Well, these are the actual skits. They are done mostly

SKITTLES: skits as a creative tool to connect

The MacScouter's Big Book of Games · 2020. 5. 26. · You Can't See Me ! 41 The Stalker 41 The Stalker (Variation) 41 Swamp 41 Meet My Friend 42 Switch ... Crabs, Crows And Cranes

The MacScouter's Big Book of Games · The Christmas Card Game 75 A Christmas Telegram 75 Variation--Christmas Dinner 75 Bowling On The Green 75 Every Man In His Own Corner 75 Ring

The MacScouter's Big Book of Games MacScouter's Big Book of Games Volume 2: Games for Older Scouts Compiled by Gary Hendra and Gary Yerkes Table of Contents Title Page Title Page Introduction

Street Motivation Magazine - Vol 30 ft. "Tonio Skits"

The MacScouter's Big Book of Gamescttdvnfl.org/tntt-game.pdf · Table of Contents Title Page Title Page Introduction 1 Introduction to Camp Games for Older Scouts 1 Camp Games for

The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits · Big Game Hunting 9 Big Itch 9 The Bigger Jerk 9 The Biggest Turkey 9 Black Bart 10 The Blanket Tossing Team 10 Blindfold 10 Bonfire 10 Border

Rule of Law Skits

More Skits & Raps for the School Counselor - Marco …marcoproducts.com/template/pdf/MS0134_SamplePages.pdf · More Skits & Raps for the School Counselor, the sequel to ... Making

“Ever Blessing, Ever Blest” (3 Skits for Stewardship)

Great Group Skits : 50 Character-Building Scenarios for Teens

The MacScouter's Big Book of Games€¦ · The MacScouter's Big Book of Games Volume 1: Games for Younger Scouts Compiled by Gary Hendra and Gary Yerkes

104Seriously funny bible teaching skits by Tom Boal · Reproducible Skits • For use with Ages 10 to AdultReproducible Skits • For use with Ages 10 to Adult 104Seriously funny

Skits, Raps, And Poems For The School Counselormarcoproducts.com/template/pdf/SR092_SamplePages.pdf · Skits, Raps, And Poems For . The School Counselor. Written By . David S. Young,

The MacScouter's Big Book of Games · Defender Of The Castle 88 Spin The Plate 88 Pile The Reels 88 Quick Six 89 Catch Ball 89 Circular Pillar Ball 89 Toss The Bag 89 In The Pond

Games, gimmicks and skits are

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