TheMacScouter's

BigBookofSkits

CompiledbyR.GaryHendra,theMacScouter

gary@macscouter.com,http://www.macscouter.com

TableofContents

Title

Page

Title

Page

Introduction

1

CubOlympics

18

StagingSkits

1

CubScoutSocks

19

OtherSourcesofSkits

2

CubShop

19

Damn!(orshouldIsayDarn?)

19

TheBigBookofSkits

3

DancingKneeDolls

20

TheAirplane

3

TheDangerousTent

20

AirplaneShortRunway

3

TheDeadBody

20

AmericanFolkTaleSkit

3

TheDenMother'sBouquet

20

TheAnts

4

DidYouHaveV-8?

21

ArtisticGenius

4

DinnerSpecial

21

TheGreatAug

4

Doctor!Doctor!

21

TheBabies&Dads

5

Doctor'sOffice

22

Backpacking

5

DoggieDoctor

22

ABadTurn

5

DoggieDoo

22

BalloonOrchestra

5

TheDumbActors

22

TheBaseballGame

6

EasterBunny

23

BearHunt

6

TheEcho

23

BeeSting

6

Echo,again!

23

TheRootBeerCommercial

7

EchoPoint

24

BellRinger#1

7

ElevatedGum

24

BellRinger#2

8

TheElevator

24

BellRinger#3

8

EmergencyRoomDoctor

24

BePrepared

8

TheEnlargingMachine

24

TheBestSpitterInTheWorld

8

EskimoPie

25

TheBetterThief

8

TheFailedReporter

25

TheBicycleShop

9

TheFire

26

BigGameHunting

9

Firebuilding

26

BigItch

9

TheFiringSquad

26

TheBiggerJerk

9

Version2:

26

TheBiggestTurkey

9

FishMarket

26

BlackBart

10

Fishin'

27

TheBlanketTossingTeam

10

Fishing

27

Blindfold

10

FishingonaParkBench

27

Bonfire

10

FishingSuccess

27

BorderCrossing

10

TheFishingTrip

28

BrainShop

11

Flasher

28

BrainTransplant

11

Flea

28

TheBriefcase

12

TheFleaCircus

28

ABrotherhoodofScouting

12

FloratheFlea

29

TheBubbleGumontheStreet

13

FlyintheSoup

29

TheBubbleGumintheStudios

13

FlyingHigh

29

BuffaloStories

13

FlyintheSoup

29

BusDriver

14

Food,Water&MirrorontheSahara

30

C.P.R.

14

TheFortuneTeller

30

CamelPatrol

14

FourLeafClover

30

CampCoffeeSketch

14

TheFourSeasons

30

CanYouDoThis?

15

FredtheTrainedFlea

31

TheCandyShop

15

FriendsofYears

31

TheCandyStore

15

TheFrightenedHunter

31

CandyStore

15

GameShow

31

CandyStore(variation)

16

GatheringoftheNutsI

32

ChangeUnderwear

16

GatheringoftheNutsII

32

ChewingGum

16

TheGeneralStore

32

ChinFaces

16

TheGhostofMidnight

32

ClimbThat

16

GhostWithOneBlackEye

33

TheCompass

17

Ghostcatchers

33

TheComplainingMonk

17

GiantWorm

33

ContagiousDiseaseWard

17

GlassofWater

33

CourtCase

18

GoCart

33

CourtScene

18

GoneFishin'

34

CrazyCharlie

18

TheGoodSamaritan

34

CubCookout

18

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--ii--

January1997

TableofContents

Title

Page

Title

Page

GoodSoup

34

LobsterTail

53

Granny!WakeUp!

35

TheLoonHunt

53

Granny'sCandyStore

35

LostItemaroundCampfire

54

TheGreatestSpitterintheWorld

35

TheLostLollipop

54

Grease

35

TheLostQuarter

54

GreenSideUp!GreenSideUp!

36

LunchBreak

54

TheGreyhoundBus

36

MadReporter

55

TheGrowingMachine

36

TheMagicBandanna

55

TheHairCutMachine

36

TheMagicDoctor'sChair

55

HairyHamburger

37

MartianMamma

56

HarlemGlobetrotters

37

MeasurementProblem

56

HaveYouSeenmyBellyButton?

37

MedicalGenius

56

TheHeartAttack

37

MilitaryGenius

56

Heaven'sGate

38

MixedBodyActing

56

Herman,TheTrainedFlea

38

MixedUpMagic

56

HiccupforMe

38

TheMotorcycleGang

57

TheHighestTreeclimberintheWorld

38

TheMotorcycleShop

57

AHotMeal!

39

Mr.Kerplunk

57

HowdoIdoThat?

39

MusicalGenius

58

HowtoMaketheTeam

40

MusicalToiletSeatSalesman

58

HowtoWashAnElephant

40

Norbert

58

IGottaGoWee

41

Napoleon'sLastFarewell

59

Igor

41

TheNewBadge

59

I'mGonnaGetYou!

42

TheNewCar

59

I'mRussian!

42

NewSaw

60

TheImportantPapers

42

NewsFlash!

60

TheImportantMeeting

42

NoRocketScientist

61

IntheFurnitureStore

42

Nosebleed

61

TheInfantry

43

NoSkit

61

TheInjury

43

NuttyFisherman

61

TheInspection

43

TheNurses

62

Intelligence

43

OffensiveBusPassenger

62

IntheFurnitureStore

44

Oh-Wa-Ta-Goo-Siam

62

TheInvisibleBench

44

TheOldGum

62

IsaTrainPassingToday?

44

OldMovieScene

62

IsCaptainKiddAfraidofHimself?

45

OldSocks

62

IsItTimeYet?

45

TheOldeLighthouse

63

IGottaGoWeee!

45

OlympicDrama

63

J.C.Penney

46

OOOOOOABug!

63

JointheArmy!

46

TheOperation

63

JokeTeller

46

TheOuthouseintheYangtzeRiver

63

JumboBurgers

47

TheOuthouseSketch

64

TheJump

47

TheOutlaw

64

KarateOrientale

47

OvertheCliff

64

KeepCanadaBeautifulContest

48

ThePage(TheSkit)

65

KnotDemonstration

48

PaintingtheWalls

65

TheKing'sRaisins

48

PantherTracks

65

KnotDemonstration

48

TheParachute

66

TheLandShark

49

ThePartyWarehouse

66

TheLawnMowerI

49

PassthePepper

66

TheLawnmowerII

49

Patience,Jackass,Patience!

66

LearningEnglish

50

Peanuts

67

LearningtheAlphabet

50

PeanutsintheLake

67

LetMeHaveIt!

50

Pencils

68

LettersfromHome

51

PetShop

69

LieDetector

51

Pickin'Cotton

69

TheLighthouseSketch

51

Pickpocket

70

TheLighthouse

52

Pickpockets

70

LighteningStrike

52

Pickpockets#2

70

Lights,Camera,Action

52

PieintheFace

70

LitterHurts

52

ThePilferedWarehouse

70

LittleGreenBall

53

ThePirateFamily

71

ListenattheWall

53

PlaneLanding

71

LivingXylophone

53

PlayBall

71

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--iii--

January1997

TableofContents

Title

Page

Title

Page

PLCMeeting

71

ATalkingMartian!

90

PoisonSpring

72

TanketyTank

90

ThePoorExcuses

72

Tenting

91

PopCommercial

72

Thar'saBear

91

PostOffice/King'sRoyalPaper

72

There'saBear!

91

PottedPlant

73

TheThinker

91

PresentsfortheTeacher

73

TheThirstyDonkey

92

Prisoner

73

TheThirstyFisherman

92

TheProfessor'sAddress

73

ThreeAgainst1000

92

PuppyintheBox

74

ThreeRivers

92

AQuietDay

74

ThreeRiversII

93

Raisin

74

ThreeScoops

93

RealThing

74

TicketLine

94

ReggieandtheColonel

75

TimeontheParkBench

94

TheRestaurant

75

TimothyEaton

94

RestaurantMinutes

75

Toothache

94

Rise,Walk,andKill,Igor

76

Toothpaste

94

RiverRun

76

Tracks

95

Rowing

76

TheTrainedCaterpillar

95

Salesman

76

TheTrainSkit

95

Saloon

77

TheTrees

95

SargeAndThePrivate

77

TrickorTreat

96

School'sonFire

77

TrimmingtheChristmasTree

96

ScientificGenius

77

TurkeyContest

96

TheScoutUniform

77

TheTwelveDaysofChristmas

96

Scoutmaster'sBrains

78

TwistMouthFamily

97

Scoutmaster'sGift

78

UgliestManintheWorld(orBadBreath)

97

Scoutmaster'sSaw

78

UglyBaby

97

TheScrewyNavel

79

UpHarold

98

ShapeUp!

79

UpsideDownSingers

98

TheShortRunway

79

VampireSnack

98

TheShrimpyBoxer

80

TheViperisComing

98

ShutUp!

80

TheWall

98

TheSiberianChickenFarmer

80

TheWaiter

99

SidewalkClimbing

81

Waiter!

99

Singer

82

TheWaitingRoom

99

SixWiseTravelers

82

Washington'sFarewell

99

TheSleepWalker

82

Water,Water!

100

SlugTrainers

82

WeAin'tGottheMoneyfortheMortgageontheFarm100

TheSmartScout

82

WeHit!

100

SmokeSignals

82

TheWeatherMan

101

TheSneeze

82

TheWell-TrainedElephant

101

SoldierIntheBattlefield

83

WhattheHeckWasThat?

101

SomeoneChantedEvening

83

WhatTimeisit?

102

SoundsoftheLostScoutmaster

83

What'stheProblem?

102

TheSoundsoftheWilderness

83

What's2+2?

102

SourNotes

84

WhoSneezed?

103

SpaceDerbySkit.

84

WhyAreYouLate?

103

TheSpecialPapers

84

WorldsGreatestPitcher

103

SpellingContest

85

TheWorld'sGreatestSpitter

104

TheSplitBall

85

TheWorld'sUgliestMan

104

SPL'sTooToughToBeTasty

86

WhataDay

104

Spring

86

TheWrongSkit

104

SpringisSprung!

86

YouDon'tSay!

105

StarGazing

87

YouNeedaTie,Sir

105

St.Peter

87

You'veBrokentheRules!

105

TheStatueWarehouse

87

YukonWinter

105

StatuesinthePark

88

49...49...49

107

TheStrangeTrees

88

The5thFloor

107

Submarine

89

7JerksontheLine

107

SubmarinePatrol

89

Walk-ons,Run-onsandOtherShorts

109

SubmarineTraining

89

TheAnnouncement

109

TheSuccessfulFisherman

89

GoingtoCourt

109

SuperClutz

89

BeamMeUp

110

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--iv--

January1997

TableofContents

Title

Page

Title

Page

SmokeSignals

110

LittleBrother

110

Squirrels

110

ItsAllAroundMe!

110

Leaving

110

PullingString

110

AllOverMe

110

ThrowingUp

111

FireDrill

111

Alien

111

TheRuler

111

I'maRabbit

111

Missed

111

PopQuiz

111

Wait!Wait!

111

WhataDay

112

TheNuttyFisherman

112

BeeSting

112

Finale

112

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--v--

January1997

Introduction

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkitsistheresultofcompilingskitsfromvariousInternetScoutingsources,andlotsofcreativepeople.ThisisthefirstmajorrevisionoftheBigBook,incorporatingmorethan150newskits.

Atlastcountthereare377skitsintheBigBook--thismaybethebiggestcollectionofskitsintheworld.Withalittleluck,thebookwillbeupdatedirregularly,asmorematerialcomesin.

TheBigBookstartedwiththeScouts-LSkitsFAQ,andafewothersmallcompilationsofskits.Peoplehavesentmeindividualskitsandgroupsofskits.MysincerethankstoMerlWhitebook,themostprolificcontributortothisvolume.MythanksalsotoHansHussman,BobJenkins,theUSScoutingServiceProject,theAustralianScoutingAssociation,andacastofothercharacters.

R.GaryHendra,TheMacScouter,January1997

StagingSkits

byMerlWhitebook,adaptedbytheMacScouter

Skitsareusuallyneverlongerthan3to5minutesandareideallysomewherearound90seconds.

Sourcesofyourskitsareimagination,Leadermagazine,jokesfrombooks,Reader'sDigest,campfires,kids,andotherleaders,andofcoursetheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits.

Watchoutforscratchskitsfromthekids,becausetheyusuallyaren'tfunny,aretoolonganddon'tmakeanysense,nottomentionthekidsforgetwhatthey'resupposedtosayanddo.Arealboretowatch.Whichleadstothenextpoint--reservetherighttoeditorvetothekids'skits,withinreasonofcourse.You'vegottoavoidswearing,hitting,andstupid,no-senseskits.ThoughIhaveseensomeoriginalbeautiesfromkids,aswellassomewonderfulmodificationsfromthem,bothofwhichthroughlittleifanyleaderintervention.

Generally,agoodwaytogetthekidsinvolvedinagoodskitistoprovidethemwithachoiceofabouttwoorthreeskitsandletthemchooseatriedandproven

withachoiceofabouttwoorthreeskitsandletthemchooseatriedandprovenskit,thenhelpthemmodifyittothenumberofkidsavailableandthetheme.

Rehearsetheskitbeforehand.Itwillincreasethekids'confidenceandcanhelptoavoidwhispering,fumbling,amnesia,arguingaboutwhosayswhat,andallsortsofproblems.

Thistaskisimpossible,butessentialtoworkon.Theboyshavetospeakupsothateveryonecanhearthem.

Whocareshowgoodthejokeisifyoucan'thearit.That'swhererehearsingcomesinhandy.

Cuecardscanbeusefulforthekidssothattheycanremembertheirlines.Makepostersizecardswithlarge,simplewriting.Afaroutidea,butcanbeusefulifthekidscanread.Andhey!Itmayunintentionallyturnouttobethegagoftheweekend!(Howaboutaskitinvolvingcuecards,andthepunchlinebeing"ButSir!Wecan'tread!")Besidesthevariationsmentioned,mostoftheseskitslendthemselvesratherwelltovariationofsomesort,allowingforeasyusethroughoutavarietyofdifferentthemes.Isaw"TheBeerCommercial"originallyasafilmingofRomeoandJuliet,"TheDumbActors"canbeafilmingofanythemerelatedscene,"PeanutsintheLake"

originallyhadflatoutrefusalsfromtherelatives,butwasmodifiedforanenvironmentaltheme,and"Rise,Walk,andKill,Igor"canhaveaScoutTroopsellingfertilizer,Dr.Mad'sGrandmothervisitingandthecablecompanycomingbytoinstallanewTV.

Ofcourse,someskitssuchas"You'veBrokentheRules!,""Nosebleed,"tosomeextent"TrimmingtheChristmasTree"and"TheInfantryisComing!"arealittlemoresituationspecificanddependonprescribedsceneryandsituationstogetthejokedoneproperly.Butwhenpossible,decidewhatyouneedandthenchangeaskit,evenifonlyminordetailsmentionedcanbechangedtofit.Thescriptsaren'tcastinstone.

AvoidrancidskitssuchasVeechBoton,UgliestManintheWorld,IsitTimeYet?,Nosebleed,andanyskityouoryourkidshavedonethreetimesinrow(orthreetimesinthepastyear.)Yes,thekidsdolovetheseskitsandwanttodothemagainandagain,buttheybecomeboredsoonerorlaterandstarttocomplain"Notanothercampfire..."ortheycallout"Iknowthejoke!He'sgotanosebleed!"Sotryanewskit--it'sjustasfunandwillimprovegreatlythe

nosebleed!"Sotryanewskit--it'sjustasfunandwillimprovegreatlytheenjoyabilityofyourcampfires.

Watchoutforusingormodifyingskitsthattouchonsensitivetopics.Whatusedtobeconsideredacceptablejokesnolongerare,suchasethnicorhandicappedtargets.Keeptotopicsofcommonground.

Inyourskits,avolunteerisusuallyapre-selectedpersonwhoyouseemtopluckoutoftheaudience,butofcourseisplantedthere.Inapinch,youcanjustchooseyourvolunteersatrandomandgivetheminstructionsaspartoftheact.Avictim,ontheotherhand,isapersonwhoischosenatrandomorpre-selected(withouttheirknowledge)tobethebuttofthejoke.Ofcourse,discretionisadvised.TryyourgoodhumoredDCorthatBeaverleaderwhojustwon'trunoutofenergy.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--1--

January1997

Haveacheermaster.ACMissomeonewhokeepstrackofgroupsongs,yells,cheersandskits.Overtime,youcanstartweedingoutthegoodfromthebadfromtheseentoomanytimesandyoucangetquiteacollection-

-here'smine!Withmanysourcesyoucanpickupasmanyasyoudesire.

Builduparepertoireofonemanskits,or,ifyouhaveoneofthosefriendswho'sbeenwithyouinyourScoutingendeavorssinceyouwereaScoutandprobablywillalwaysbewithyoutillbeyondthegrave,actasateamandmemorizesomeskitsthatwithoutevenamoment'snoticeyoucanusetofillinaspace.Thereareanumberofskitslistedherethatrequireonlyoneortwoparticipantsorwhose"volunteers"canusuallybechosenatrandom.

Examples--"TheBubbleGumintheStudios;""FloratheFlea;""TheBiggerJerk;""TheHighestTreeClimber"

(justhavethepersontalktohimself);"7JerksontheLine;""SpringisSprung;""TheViper"(justtwopeople,sameonerunninginoverandoveragain);"You

"TheViper"(justtwopeople,sameonerunninginoverandoveragain);"YouDon'tSay;""HighestJumperintheWorld;""TheWell-TrainedElephant;""Food,WaterandMirrorontheSahara;""YouNeedaTie,Sir;""AHotMeal;""BrainShop;""PetShop;"

"TheGhostofMidnight;""I'mGonnaGetYou!;""NewsFlash!;""LearningtheAlphabet;""TheWrongSkit;"and

"TheGhostWithOneBlackEye."

Makeyourskitsenjoyable!

OtherSourcesofSkits

ThereareafewbooksIknowonskits,yellsandcampfires:

The"BSACubScoutLeaderHow-ToBook".Itisbuilttohelpthecubscoutpackanddenleadersrunningprogramsthatkidsenjoy.Asectionof15pagesisdedicatedtoskits,yellsandapplauses.ISBN0-8395-3831-6.

"CreativeCampfires"isanotherfinepublication.Halfofthebookcontainssongs,andtherestiscrammedwithskits,stories,yellsandtipstosetupanentertainingcampfire.(Sorry-noISBN,butitcanbeorderedworldwidefromtheBSASupplyDivision-Fax+1-704-588-5822).

"CampfireStories....ThingsThatgoBumpintheNight"byWilliamForgey,M.D.contains21campfirestories,withlargetypefacesummaryofeach.Alsoincludestheauthor'ssuggestionsforhowtobesuccessfulattellingcampfirestories.ISBN0-934802-23-8publishedbyICSBooks.Approximateprice:$10US$13CATheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--2--

January1997

TheBigBookofSkits

TheAirplane

7-Scoutsactsasthepilot,co-pilotandradiomanonanairliner.4otherscoutsareonthewingsastheengines,onthewingsoftheplane.

Thepilotannouncestoco-pilotthatengineonehasfailed.Engineone(hamthisup)sputters,makesnoiseanddies,Co-pilotinstructsradiomantoinformtowerandtellthemtheywillbearriving15minuteslate(radiomanradiostowerandrepeatsmessage).Soonafterenginetwofails,repeattheprocessagainbutthistimetellthetowertheywillbe30minuteslate.Thenenginethreewithmorepanictellthetowerwewillbe1hourlate.Finallythepilotannouncesthefourthandfinalenginehasfailed.Theradiomanthensays:"BoysI'dbetterradiothetower,wemaybeuphereallday!"

AirplaneShortRunway

Cast:2scouts(Ifmorearedesired,theycanbepassengers,withsuitablesoundeffectsandactions.Seatingforpilotandco-pilot,andforpassengersifrequiredandacompass.

Announcer:Thissceneisonboardaverylowbudgetairline.

Pilot:Well,areweanywhereneartheairport,co-pilot?Co-Pilot:(peeringoutthewindow)Idon'tknow...Iseelightsovertheretotheport.That'slikelyit.Bring'eraroundandhavealook.Pilot:(lurchingplanehardtotheleft)Boy,Ican'ttell.Iwishthecompanywouldbuyussomeinstruments.Co-Pilot:(pullingcompassfrompocket)Oh,I'vegotmytrustycompassandthesunwentdownabout20minutesago,sowe'vegottobeoncourse.

(Excited)Look,seethatspotdownthere,thatmustbeit.Pilot:Okay,herewego.Giveme20degreesflaps,I'mgoingin.(Putsplaneintoanosedive,soundeffects.)Pilot:Thisisgoingtobetough.Givememoreflaps,cutbacktheengines.(Louder)Moreflaps,lessthrottle!Co-Pilot:(Appropriateactionsandsounds,actingpanicky.)Pilot:QUICK,cuttheengines,givemebrakes.MOREBRAKES!Both:(Sighsofrelief)We'redown,wemadeit!

Pilot:Boythatwasashortrunway!Co-Pilot:(Lookingright,thenleft)Yep,andwidetoo!

AmericanFolkTaleSkit

Narrator:America'shistoryisfullofcolorfulcharacters.I'msureyou'veheardofmanythatyoucouldn'tevenbegintocountthem.Butwealsoknowthatmuchofourcountry'shistorywasn'twrittendownuntilmanyyearshadpassed.Memoriesfadeastimegoesby.Now...we'renotcallingourhistoriansliars...but...thingswerenotalwaysthewaytheytoldus.Take,forinstance,the

liars...but...thingswerenotalwaysthewaytheytoldus.Take,forinstance,theburroexpressrider.

Rider:(enterspullingtheburro)"ComeonSpeedy,thoseCubScoutsatSouthsidearewaitingfortheirMale.

Narrator:"Excusemesir?WhydoyoucallyourburroSpeedy?

Rider:Why,thishereisthefastestburrointhewest.

Narrator:"Howfastishe?"

Rider:"Why,he'ssofasthecandancehisshoesoff!(Burrodances,andremoveshisshoesandtossesthemintothecrowdandtheyleave.)

Narrator:Andthere'salwaysthelegendofRipVanWinkle.It'sreallyquiteunlikelythathecouldsleepforfortywholeyears.

RipVanW.:(entering)Sleep?DidIhearsomeonementionsleep.Oh,I'dlovetogetsomesleep!

Narrator:HaveaharddayRip?

RipVanW.:Day,dayhesays!Daysismorelikeit.EversincethoseCubScoutscametotown,Ihaven'tsleptawink.TheirDenLeaderskeepknockingthingsoverandtrippingoverthings.Andyoushouldhearthemlaugh.

Narrator:PoorRip,Iguesshecouldusefortyyearssleepnow.

Chef:(enteringeatinganicecreamcone,andlookingoverandunderandaroundthings,saying...."Nope,nothere,etc.and"Iknowit'saroundheresomewhere."Continuingtolook.)Narrator:Boythaticecreamlooksgood.WherecanIgetsome?

Chef:DowntheroadatCustard'sLastStand.

Narrator:Whatareyoulookingfor?

Chef:Amine.

Narrator:YoumeantheLostDutchmanMine?

Chef:NothelostItalianMineofcourse.Iheartheyhavethegreatestpizza.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--3--

January1997

Narrator:Therewasaguyovertherewhowastalkingaboutpizzaearlier.IthinkhisnamewasWildBill.....(hiccup)WildBill........(hiccup)....

Chef:Yeah,Iknowhim,WildBillHiccup-Hiccup...(leavetheroom)

TheAnts

Characters:6to8CubScouts

Props:Papersacks

Setting:Skitopenswithboysstandingtogetherinabackyard.Cardboardcutouttreesandbushescouldbeused.

1stCub:Gee,there'snothingtodo.

2ndCub:Yeah,Iknow.

3rdCub:Hey,let'shaveabackyardpicnic.

All:Yeah!

4thCub:Butit'sgoingtorain.

1stCub:Idon'tthinkso.Ifitdoes,wecaneatinthehouse.

2ndCub:I'llbringthepotatochips.

3rdCub:I'llbringthehotdogs.

4thCub:I'llbringthehotdogbuns.

5thCub:I'llbringthedrinks.

6thCub:AndI'llbringsomethingspecial!

(Allwalkoffstageandcomebackcarryingsacks)

2ndCub:Herearethechips.

3rdCub:Herearethehotdogs.

4thCub:Herearethehotdogbuns.

5thCub:Herearethedrinks.

6thCub:(Dropshissack)Oh,no!

5thCub:What'swrong?

6thCub:Ibroughttheants!!

ArtisticGenius

Thesceneisanartshowwherejudgesareinspectingseveralcanvasesaredisplayed.Theycommentonthebrightness,color,technique,thatisusedonthedifferentpictures.Theyselectonefortheprizeandcommentadditionallyonthegenius,imagination,andthebeautyofthepicture.Theartistiscalledupandthewinningpictureisshowntohim.Thepainterexclaims,"Oh,mygoodness,thatgotinbymistake.That'sthecanvasthatIcleanmybrusheson.

TheGreatAug

ImportantGuy:"OK,Aug,Iwantyoutosellthesepencils."

Aug:"Pen-solls"

ImportantGuy:"That'sright,Aug.Now,whenyouseesomeonecomingdownthestreet,Iwantyoutotellthemwhatyou'reselling."

Aug:"Pen-solls"

ImportantGuy:"Yes,Aug.Bemoreenthusiasticaboutit!"

Aug,wavinghishandsintheair:"Pen-Solls!!!"

ImportantGuy:"Verygood,Aug.Now,peoplewillwanttobuyyourpencils,andthey'llaskhowmuchtheyare.Theycomein$2,$5,and$10packs.Gotthat?"

Aug:"Pen-solls?"

ImportantGuy:"No:Two,Five,Ten."

Aug:"Two..Five...Ten!!!"

ImportantGuy:"Ithinkyou'vegotthat.NowAug,onemorething.Someonemightaskwhytheyshouldbuyyourpencils.Iftheyaskthat,Aug,Iwantyoutotellthemthis.'Ifyoudon't,somebodyelsewill'".

Aug:"Ifyoudon't...somebodyelsewill!"

ImportantGuy:"Verygood.Now,getoutthereandsellpencils!"

Theimportantguywandersoffstage,andAugwanderstotheothersideofthestage.AmanonthestreetapproachesAug.Augrunstohimwavinghishands.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Aug,inhisface:"Pen-Solls!!!"

Manonstreet:"Hey,you'rearealjerk!Howmanypeoplehaveyoudonethisto?"

Aug:"Two,Five,Ten!"

Manonsteed:"You'rereallyaskingforapunchinthemouth,buddy."

Aug:"Ifyoudon't..somebodyelsewill!"

ManonstreetpunchesAug,whofallsflat,that'stheendoftheskit.

TheBabies&Dads

Cast:Doctor,threeDads

Setting:Hospital

Doctor:Mr.Thompson,congratulations.You'retheproudfatheroftwins!

Thompson:Whatacoincidence--IcomefromTwoMountains!

Later--

Doctor:Mr.Smith,younowhavetriplets!

Smith:That'squiteastonishing!IcomefromThreeRivers!

Thirdfatherfaints;doctorreviveshim.

Doctor:Mr.Smart--what'swrong?Yourwifehasn'tevengivenbirthyet!

Smart:IcomefromThousandIslands!

Backpacking

Twoscoutslaydownonsleepingbagsonthestage.Twootherscouts,pretendingtobebikers"ride"overtooneofthescoutswhoisontopofthebagandproceedtobeathimup.Theydoanythingtheywanttomakeitlookliketheyhavehurthim.Theyseehimmovingand"ride"off.

Thescoutwhojustgotbeatupturnstohisbuddyandsays,"Twobikersjustcamethroughthewoodsandbeatmeup."Hisbuddyturnstohimandsays,"Itwasjustadream,gobacktosleep."

Thishappenstwomoretimes,withthebikersbeatinguptheguy,butonthethirdtime,somethingdifferenthappens.Theguywhogetsbeatupturnstohisbuddyandtellshimwhathappenedagain.Thistimehisfriendsays,"Fine,ifitwillmakeyoufeelbetter,I'llswitchplaceswithyou."

Nowthebikerscomebackandgouptothesamesleepingbagagain,andoneturnstotheotherandsays,

turnstotheotherandsays,

"Thisguy'shadenough,let'sgettheotherguy."

--ThankstoKevinGaribaldi

ABadTurn

Akela:"Now,(Cubsname),youknowyoushouldalwaysdoGoodTurns."

1stCub:Itried,honest!

Akela:OK

EachCubentersandsayssimilarthingstoAkela

LastCub:(carryingasmallfryingpanwitha"pancake"init)Ididagoodturn!(flipspancakeoverandcatchesitinpan).Butyoushouldseethemessinthekitchen!(otherCubslookashamed)BalloonOrchestraTheplayersintheorchestraeachholdaballoon.Theyblowuptheirballoonsinunison,thenletouttheairinasqueakatatimetotherhythmofsomeeasilyrecognizedrhythmsuchas"BlueDanube"or"JingleBells".Toendtheskitallfilltheirballoonswithairandletgoatthedirectorssignal.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

TheBaseballGame

Thisisgreatfuninwarmweatheratacampfire,andittakesalittlepracticefortheperpetrators.Thereisplentyofroomforvariation,dependingonwhattheScoutscanimagineandhowthevolunteersreactatthetime.

Asusual,theScapegoatgetswet.

Preparation

YouwillneedanAnnouncerandaPitcher,buttheBatterswillbevolunteers.ThefirstVolunteershouldbetoldwhatishappeningaheadoftime,sothathisperformanceshowsothershowit'sdone.Setupasheetabackdrop.TwoScoutshidebehindit,onewithaflashlightandtheotherwithabucketofwater(butbesurethattheaudiencedoesnotseethebucket).Theflashlightisheldagainstthesheettosimulatetheball.Themovementofthelightisthekeytothewholeskit.

Abaseballbatorathickstickisneededforthebatter,andabaseballgloveforthePitcher.Usearollofcanvasandastick(orsomethingsimilar)tosimulatethesoundoftheballhittingthecatcher'sglove(donebyaScoutbehindthesheet).Ifitisdark,havetwostrongflashlightsshiningonthePitcherandBatter.

TheSkit

TheAnnouncercomesonstageandtellstheaudiencethattherewillbeabaseballpitchingdemonstration.

HeintroducesthePitcherasthegreatestpitcherofalltime,whowillshowushisfamousspecialtypitches.AfterabuildupabouthowgreatthePitcheris,theAnnouncerpositionsthePitcheratoneendofthesheet.

TheAnnouncerasksformembersoftheaudiencetovolunteertotrytohitthisfamouspitcher'sbestpitches.

Thefirstvolunteerisgiventhebatandplacedattheotherendofthesheet.TheAnnouncerexplainsthatthePitcherwillthrowonepitch,andtheBattermustdohisbesttohittheball.

ThePitcherwindsupandpretendstothrow,astheAnnouncernarrates("He'sset.Hewindsup.There'sthepitch!"TheScoutbehindthescreenmoveshislightrapidlydownthesheet.TheAnnounceryells,"Fastball!"

TheBatterswingshard.Wehearthesoundoftheballhittingthecatcher'smitt.TheAnnouncersays,"Astrike!

You'reOut!"TheBatterreturnstohisseat.

AnotherBatterisrecruited.ThistimetheAnnouncercallsoutacurveball,whichcurveswildlyacrossthesheet.TheBatterisagaincalledout.Theprocesscontinueswithaknuckleballandascrewball.

Finally,theAnnouncerintroducesthefamousPitcher'sdreadedSecretPitch.Heasksforaspecialvolunteer,ofespeciallyoutstandingbaseballabilityandunusualcourage,totrytohitthispitch.AScapegoatisvolunteeredbytheAnnouncerandencouragedtocomeup.

TheBatteriscarefullyplaced,andtheballispitched.AsitcomestotheBatter,theAnnouncercries,"Watchout!It'saspitball!"

Hiswarningcomestoolate,aswatercascadesoverthesheetontotheBatter.

BearHunt

AvariationonATalkingMartian!andSaloon.

Cast:Bear,twohunters

Setting:Thewoods

#1:(Whispering)Ah!There'sabear!IcanshootitandI'llhavemytakefortheday!(Bang!Andthebearfallsdown.)Well,I'llgogetsomeropetodragit.

#2:No!It'smine!

#1:Hey!Ishotthatbearmyself.It'sclearlymine.

#2:Look.Youcouldn'thaveshotthatbearifIdidn'tdriveushere.

#1:Well,I'vegotnewsforyou.Ijustkilledthatbear.It'smine.

#2:Andanotherthing,...

Thetwocontinuearguingwhenallofasudden,thebearrises,growls,andfrightensthetwohuntersaway.

BeeSting

1stScout"OOOOOUCH,OOOOOOH,OOOOOUCH"

2ndScout"What'sthematterwithyou?"

1stScout"Abee'sstungmythumb!"

2ndScout"Tryputtingsomecreamonitthen."

1stScout"Butthebeewillbemilesawaybythistime."

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

TheRootBeerCommercial

Cast:Actor(s),Director,Cameraman,Othersinastudio

Setting:Studio

Director:Okay,People!Let'sgetgoing!

Cameraman:ButSir!

Director:Nointerruptions!Action!

Actor,speakinginadullvoice,doesacommercialforScoutRootBeer,talkingaboutitsgreattaste,madefromdishwaterandleftoverporridge,andlotsofthespecialingredient,"Hoptoit,"whichtheScoutleaderoftensaid,fromScoutcampwhen...

Director:Cut!Thatsoundedlikeyoudon'tlikethestuff!Soundsincere!

Okay!Let'stryitagain!

Cameraman:ButSir!

Director:Nobuts!Action!

Actorbeginsagain,appropriatelysincere,andtherearetheusualinterruptionsbythedirector,sayingit'stoofast,tooslow,whispersintotheactor'sear(whothencheckshiszipper)untilfinally,everythinggoessmoothly.Allthewhile,theCameramankeepsoninterruptingtheDirectoratthesametime.

Director:Cut!AndPrint!Thatwasfantastic!Let'sgetoutofhere!

Cameraman:ButSir!Wedon'thaveanyfilm!

BellRinger#1

Props:CoatwithfootballorwaddedclothingunderitfortheHunchback,hatornightstickforGendarme.

Announcer:TheHunchbackofNotreDamehasdecidedtoretire,andhasplaceanadintheParisTimesforsomeonetocomeandlearnhowtoringthebells.

Effects:(Knock,knock,knock)

Hunchback:(Gravelyvoice)Oh,somebodymustbehereaboutmyjob.I'llgodownandsee.(Goes'roundand'roundthecampfire,asifgoingdownthebelltower,bentoverduetohunch.)Effects:(Knock,knock,knock)Hunchback:(Angrily)I'mcoming,I'mcoming.There'salotofstairshere.(Arrivesatandopensthedoor.)Hunchback:Yeah!Whatdoyouwant?

Applicant:I'mhereaboutthebellringer'sjob.

Hunchback:Allright!ComeonupandI'llseeifyoucandothejob.(Beginstogoup(theotherwayaround)followedbytheapplicant.)

Applicant:Boy,theceilingisnotveryhighhere,isit?

Hunchback:Listen,yougoupanddownthesestairs20timesadayfor45yearsandyoujustlearntostaybentover.Hey,didyouclosethatdoor,didn'tyou?

Applicant:Idon'tknow.Idon'tremember.

Hunchback:Well,wegottagodownandkeepitlocked,can'trunupthechurch'sfuelbill.(Bothturnaroundandgoback.)

Hunchback:That'sthefirstthingyougottalearn.Keepthedoorclosed.Upanddownthesestairs,that'sthehardpart.(Arrivingatdoor)O.K.,sonowyou'rehere,closethedoor.

Applicant:(Closesdoor)Howarethebenefitsinthisjob?

Hunchback:(Bothgoingbackup)Well,ithasit'supsanddowns.TheChurch

Hunchback:(Bothgoingbackup)Well,ithasit'supsanddowns.TheChurchboardwillbuyyouearplugseverysixmonthsandanewbottleofbellpolishonceayear(Finallyarrivingatthebell)Allright,nowyoustandoverthere,andI'llshowyouhowit'sdone.Firstyougrabthebellhereandpushitoutveryhard(stepsbackandfollowspathofbelloutandback)thenthebellcomesbackonit'sown.That'sallthereistoit.Doyouthinkyoucandothat?

Applicant:Sure!(doestheactionwiththebell,butdoesnotstepback,ishitbybellandfallsback,totheground)

Hunchback:Ohmygosh!He'sfallen15storiestothesidewalk.I'dbettergetdownthere.(Goes'roundand

'rounduntilhereachestheground)

(Crowdentersmumbling,stopsastonishedatbody)

Gendarme:(Entering,callstoHunchback)Heyyou!Doyouknowthisguy?(Rollsbodyoverwithfoot)Hunchback:No,buthisfacesureringsabell!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

BellRinger#2

(ThetrickwiththisskitistodoitthenightafterdoingBellRinger#1,andtodoeverythingexactlythesame-

perhapswithalittlemore'hammingitup')

(WhentheApplicantarrivestheHunchbacksays:)

Hunchback:Youlookjustliketheguywhowashereyesterday.

Applicant:Oh,thatwasmytwinbrother.

(Reverttotheoriginaldialogagain.Theaudiencewillthinkit'sgettingare-run

(Reverttotheoriginaldialogagain.Theaudiencewillthinkit'sgettingare-runandprepareitselffora

'groaner'ofacheer.Whentheyheartheending,you'llgetagreatreaction.)(Carryonwithdialog,exceptforthelastline.)

Hunchback:No,buthe'sadeadringerfortheguywhowashereyesterday!

BellRinger#3

(TobeusedONLYwhenBellRinger#1and#2havebeenused.)

Props:Rainslickers,blanket,andGendarmegearfromabove.

(Twoplayersenterinrainslickersholdingblanketbetweenthemlikeajumpingnet.Thejigandjogaroundtheperformingarea.)

Gendarme:(Entering)Hey,whatareyouguysdoing?

Fireman#1:Well,thelasttwonightssomeguyhasjumpedoutofthatbelltower,andwecametocatchhim!

BePrepared

Firstscoutwalkstocenterofstage,standstoattention,salutesandsays,"BEPREPARED."Thisisrepeatedbythreeotherscouts.Whentheyareallstandingsidebyside,aloudmotorhornorexplosionisletoffbehindtheaudience.

Thescoutsthenallsay,'WETOLDYOUTOBEPREPARED'

TheBestSpitterInTheWorld

ThekeyperformeristheCatcher,whomustwavearoundacanofwaterwithoutspilling.Hesimulatesthespithittingthecanbytappingonthecanwithhisfinger.Hewillneedtopracticesothathedoesnotspill,doesnotshowtheaudiencethatthereiswaterinthecan,andcanbeheardbutnotseenwhenhetapsthecan.

Thecatchersitsquietlyintheaudience.Thecanofwaterisonthestage,butnotobvious.

AScoutloudlyproclaimshimselfasTheBestSpitterInTheWorld.Heboasts

AScoutloudlyproclaimshimselfasTheBestSpitterInTheWorld.Heboastsabouthisspittingability,sayingthathecanspitfartherthananyoneelse.OtherScouts,whohavebeenplantedatthebackoftheaudience,challengehimtoproveit,sayingthattheydonotbelievehim.Theaudiencetakesupthecry.

TheSpitteragreesandasksforsomeonefromtheaudiencetocatchforhim,justtoprovehisability.TheCatchervolunteers,actingasifheexpectstobethescapegoat.

TheSpitterexplainsthathewillstandabout20feetapart.Hewillspit,andtheCatcherwillcatchthespit,justtoprovethedistanceandaccuracy.TheCatcherreactswithhorror,"I'mnotgoingtotouchyourspit!"TheSpitterisunderstanding,noticesthecan,andoffersitassomethingtocatchwith.TheCatcheragreeswithobviousrelief.

Theysetupashortdistanceapart.TheSpitterwindsupandspits.Thecatcherreachesupandcatcheswithasolidthump.

TheSpittertakesabow,buttheaudienceisnotimpressed.Theysayanyonecandothat,dosomethingharder.Theybackoffandrepeattheperformancefromagreaterdistance.Again,theaudienceyellsathim.

Afterseveraltries,theSpitterclaimsthathecanspitallthewayaroundtheworld!Theaudiencereactionispredictable.Theysetup;theSpitterspits;theCatcherducks,waits,movesthepanaround,andcatchesit.

NowtheplantedScoutsyellthattheSpitterisafake!Theysaythathecouldn'treallyspitallaroundtheworld.

TheSpittersays,"Oh,yeah?Showthem."

TheCatcherturnsandthrowsthewaterintothecrowd.

TheBetterThief

Cast:2Scouts

Therearetwoscouts,theyeachsay,"I'mthebetterthief."

"NoI'mthebetterthief."

Thenonesays,"Wait,letshaveacontest,wewillwalkpasteachotherthree

Thenonesays,"Wait,letshaveacontest,wewillwalkpasteachotherthreetimesandwhoeverstealsthebestthingwins."

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Thescoutsthenwalkpasteachothertwicepullingoutobjectssuchasknife,watch,glasses,etc.

Finallyonthethirdpass,thefirstscoutsays,"I'vegotyourwallet,ha,beatthat!"

ThesecondScoutlooksaroundnervouslythensays,"You'vegotmywallet,wellinthatcaseyouwouldwin,but...I'vegotyou'reunderwear!"Andwavesapairofshortsintheair.

TheBicycleShop

(Thescenebeginswiththreeplayersontheirhandsandknees,inarow,asbicycles.)ShopOwner:Well,thereweare,threebrandnewbicyclesallsetupforsale.

Customer:(Entering)Hi.I'dliketobuyabicycle.

ShopOwner:Surething.Whydon'tyoutrythemonforsize?

(Customersitsonthefirstbikeanditfallsdown.Thesecondistoobig,whilethethirdistoosmall.)Customer:Isurelikethefirstone,letmetryitagain.

ShopOwner:Whynot?(Settingupbikeagain)Thereyouare,it'sallsetupagain.(Customersitsonit,andagainitfallsdown.)

Customer:Idon'tknow.Ireallylikethisonebutitkeepsfallingdown.I'mafraidit'snotmadewellenough.

ShopOwner:Ourbicyclesareallverywellmade.Itwasjustassembledthismorning,anditmayneedalittleadjustment.Letmegetsomehelp.

(Avolunteerischosenfromtheaudience,whoisinstructedtoholdone'wheel'ofthenowuprightbicycle.)Customer:(Sittingonthebike)That'sperfectnow.Whatwastheproblem?

ShopOwner:Oh,wejustneedabignuttoholdittogether!

BigGameHunting

Twotofourhunterstalkingtogethereachsaysthatheispackingaheavierandmorepowerfulguntoshootwith.Thefirststartsoutwithasmallhandgunandthelastendingupwithaverypowerfulrifle,shotgun,whatever.

Twootherscomeoverwhohaveoverheardthehunterandwanttosettleabet.Arethehuntersgoingafterwolvesormoose.Oneofthehuntersrelies,""Whyno,wearegoingaftermosquitoes!!"

BigItch

Cast:Guy,4Peopleonlunchbreak

Setting:ParkBench

Guyissittingonparkbench.

Guy:I'mwaitingformygirlfriend.Ihopeshecomessoon.

(Luncher#1sitsonbenchandmoveshimover.#2sitsonendandtheymoveover,furtherpushingguy.#3

comes,and#4comes,eachinturnpushingtheguyalittleuntilhefallsoff.Reallyannoyed,hestartstoscratchhimselfalittle,thenalittlemorethenallover.Luncherslookateachother,startscratchingalittlebitthenhurriedlyleave.)Guy:(Sittingonbenchagain)Worksallthetime!

TheBiggerJerk

Asimple,onepersonskitthatisgreatforthoseloosemomentsinacampfire.

Cast:1Person,log(orimaginarymower),"Volunteer,"VictimPerson:(Groansandgruntsashe'sbentovercarrying"heavy"mower.)Uhh.(Letsitdown.)Theseoldmodels,Itellyou.Theyaresoheavy,andtheydon'tworkwell.

Theseoldmodels,Itellyou.Theyaresoheavy,andtheydon'tworkwell.MaybeIshouldbuyanewmowerthisweek.

Well,let'sgetgoing.(Pullsripcordtostart,butitwon'tstart.Makesappropriatesputteringnoises.Triesagainandagain.Maybegeta"volunteer"tohelp.Again,nosuccess.Getyourvictimtotry,andonfirsttry,itsputterstogreatlife!)Iguessitjustneededabiggerjerk!

TheBiggestTurkey

Analternateendingfollowstheregularskit.

Cast:Boxorsuitablecovering,PersoninBox,Announcer,Victim,regularandservingspoons,stickandlog,paperandbook,rubberchicken,smallcuecardSetting:Circus,Boardwalk,TechnologyShow

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Announcer:Ladiesandgentlemen!Todemonstratemyenlargingmachine,Iwillneedavolunteer!(Getyourvictim.)IneedyoutohelpmewhileIexplainwhatisgoingon.Now,lookatwhatthismachinecando!Please,willyouputthisspoonintothemachine?(Hedoes,andoutcomestheservingspoon,noises.)Isn'tthatamazing,ladiesandgentlemen!Nowwatch.(Victimputsinstick,andlogcomesout.)Mygoodness,somethingtoheatyourhomewith!Thisisamazing!Andpleaseputinthispieceofpaper.(Bookcomesout.)EvenIamamazed!

(Finally,chickenisputin,andsayyouexpectaturkeytocomeout.Butcuecardcomesout.)Thisisamazing!

Themachinesaysthatthebiggestturkeyofthemallisrighthere!

Analternateendingistocomplainabouthowslowlythemachineisworking,anditneedstobewashed.Theoperatorthrowsasmallcupofwaterontheside,andamomentlateralargebucketofwaterhitshim.

BlackBart

ThereareseveralBlackBartskits,allrevolvingaroundthebasicplotoftheherochasingBlackBart.TheheroandBBcomefacetoface.BBiscornered,buildingupthetension.Destroyitwiththeanticlimacticlineof:"YougetthepingpongballandI'llgetthepaddlesandI'llmeetyouinfiveminutes."Or"Oh,allright,BlackBart,youusethatoneandI'llusetheoneupstairs."UsethelatteronewhenBBistrappedinsomeroom.

TheBlanketTossingTeam

Thistakesaboutsixguys,whoformacirclearoundaninvisibleblanket,withasmallinvisibleguy(Bruce)whositsinthemiddleoftheinvisibleblanketandgetstossed.

"We'reanOlympicblankettossingteam,andBruceinthemiddlehereisourstarblanketbouncer.We'lltossBruceabitjusttowarmup.One,two,three!One,two,three!One,two,three!"

Onthreeeachtime,theteamletsthepretendblanketgoslack,thenpullittaught.TheywatchtheinvisibleBrucegoupintheair,thencomedown,andthegentlycatchhimagainintheblanket.Eachtimetheytosshimhigher.Theteamhastobeinsync,andtheyhavetowatchaboutthesamespot--theeasiestwaytodothisistohaveeveryonejustimitatetheleader,whoisthespeaker.

"OK,we'realllimberedupnow?"Theteammurmursinagreement."Thenlet'stossBruceabithigher.One,two,three!"

Brucecomesup,andtheteamadjuststheirpositionabittocatchhimashecomesdown.

"One,two,three!"Thiswaitabouttenseconds,andmovequiteabittogetunderhim.Movethiswayandthatbeforefinallycatchinghim.

"One,two,three!"twentysecondsthistime,almostlosetrackofhim,adjustthepositionhere,there,andhereagain.

"What?What'sthatyousay,Bruce?"pause"Audience,youareinluck!Brucewantstogofortheworldrecordblankettoss!Readyteam?One!Two!Thu-reee!!!"Amightytoss!Theteamshiftspositions,liketryingtocatchahighflyball."Therehegoes!He'spastthetrees!He'sreallyupthere!"pause,looking

ball."Therehegoes!He'spastthetrees!He'sreallyupthere!"pause,lookinghardintothesky"Doyouseehim?I'velosthim.Where'dhego?"anotherpause"Ohwell."Theteamleavesthestage,andtheprogramcontinues.

Afteranotherskitandsong,andpreferablyinthemiddleofawardsorannouncementsofsomesort,"Bruce!

Quickteam!"Theblankettossingteamrunsbackonstage,positionsthemselvesthiswayandthat,andcatchesBruce."Let'shaveabighandforBruce!Yay!!!"

Blindfold

Recruitthreeorfourvolunteersandblindfoldeachone.Havethevolunteersstandinfrontoftheaudienceandinstructthemtotakeoffanythingtheyhaveon.Thesmartoneswillremovetheirblindfold,butthosecaughtupinthejokewillcontinuetoremoveitems.Continuewiththoseremainingoneitematatime,untilitbordersonindecency.Thenremovetheblindfoldandlettheminonthejoke.

Bonfire

Aleaderbeginstoexplainhowtolayacampfire.Theleaderdecidestousemembersoftheaudiencetorepresentdifferentpiecesofwood.Thebonfirebuildersbringupvariousvolunteers.Someofthevolunteersarebunchedinthecenterfortinderwithothersplacedforkindlingwiththe"big"logsstackedontopofeachotherinincreasinglargersizes.Theleaderthensaysthatthefireisreadytolight,strikesamatch,whereupon,severalaccomplicesyelloutthatitsONFIREanddashseveralbucketsofwateronthefire.

BorderCrossing

AvariationonTheGhostofMidnightandTheGhostWithOneBlackEye.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Cast:BorderGuard,Supervisor,SeveralCrossers,2Brooms

Cast:BorderGuard,Supervisor,SeveralCrossers,2Brooms

Guard:Hi,Boss!I'mnewhere!WhatdoIdo?

Supervisor:Well,youhavetomakesurethatpeopledon'ttrytocrosstheborderwithoutstoppingfirst.Youcanshootatthemifyouhaveto.

Guard:Withwhat?

Supervisor:Well,we'reoutofguns,sohere'sabroom.Peoplewon'tknowthedifferenceifyoujustgoBang!

Bang!Bang!

Guard:OK.(Hegoestotheside,andsomeonetriestocrosswithoutstopping,soheshootsathim.Thecrosserfalls.)Boss!Boss!Itworked!

Supervisor:See?Itoldyou.Nowwheneveritdoesn'twork,here'sapretendbayonet.Iftheydon'tfallfromthefakegun,youcanalwaystrystabbingthem.

Guard:OK.(Hegoestotheside,andsomeonetriestocrosswithoutstopping,soheshootsathim.Itdoesn'twork,sohetriesstabbinghim.Thecrosserfalls.)Boss!Boss!Itworked!

Supervisor:See?Itoldyou.Nowgotoworkanddon'tstopuntilyourshiftisfinished.

Guard:OK.(Hegoestotheside,andsomeonetriestocrosswithoutstopping,soheshootsathim.Itdoesn'twork,sohetriesstabbinghim.Itdoesn'tworkeither.)Boss!Boss!WhatdoIdo?

Beforebossanswers,crosserpointsabroomattheguardandgoesBang!Bang!Bang!andtheguardfalls.

BrainShop

Cast:Customer,Shopkeeper

Setting:BrainShop

Customer:Hi!I'mboredwithmyself.I'dliketobuyanewbrainandhaveanallnewpersonality.

newpersonality.

Shopkeeper:(Inoneofthoseevil,horrormovievoices)Ahh,yes.Well,IcansellyouthisbrainfromBillyCrystalfor$5000.Here.Tryit.("Unscrews"headandplopsinpretendbrain.)Howdoyoufeel?

Customer:(InBillyCrystalstylevoice)Marvelous.I...feel...marrrvelous.ButIdon'tthinkit'sme.CanItryanother?

Shopkeeper:Okay.Letmesee.(Rummagesaround.)Let'strythisone.It'sthebrainfromCaptainKirk.

Only$5000.

Customer:(InKirkvoice)Scotty...Canyoufixthosetransporters?No,abittoofamousforme.

Shopkeeper:Sure.I'llgooutback.(Rummagesaroundinbackofstore.)Here'sonefromRonaldReagan.

Itonlycosts$5000.Howdoyoufeel?

Customer:(InRonaldReaganstylevoice)Wellll...Bonzo,stopthat...Ithinkthatthisone'sstillabittoofamousforme.

Shopkeeper:Hmmmm.Atoughcustomer.I'llhavetogodowntothebasement.I'llbeback.(Customercommentsonthekindofbrainshehasgottenandwhatkindhe'llgetnext.)Ahhh,hereweare.Thebestinthehouse,notfamousatall.Iguaranteeyou'llloveit.Only$15000.(Yes...$15000.)Customer:(Imitatesaleaderinthecrowdforsomenotoriousact,suchasputtingupthesignandcallingout"PACK!"oradmonishingthekidsordoingafamousroutineorthelike.)Hmmm...thisisgood.ButIrecognizeit.

No,wait...it's(Insertnameofperson.)Iloveit!Buttellme...thebrainsofthosethreefamouspeopleonlycost$5000apiece.Thisone,however,comesfromavirtuallyunknown,unimportantperson.Whydoesitcost$15000?

Shopkeeper:Well,it'sneverbeenused!

BrainTransplant

AgroupScoutgoestoanewScientificLaboratorywheretheyhavedevelopeda

AgroupScoutgoestoanewScientificLaboratorywheretheyhavedevelopedanewprocessforbraintransplants.TheScoutsaskstoseetheselectionofbrains.Thedoctorshowsthemaselection.(thebrainsmaybeincans,wheretheylookinit).Thefirstoneismarked$500.00.Thescoutsaskaboutitandaretolditisthebrainfromapeddler.Thenext$1,000.00,-apoliceman,1,500.00-ateacher,etcupto$5,000.00forthebrainofthegreatestphysicistintheworld.TheScoutsthenseeacontainermarked,$20,000.00andaskaboutit.Thedoctorexplains"Itisthebrainfrom____________(DECampDirectororLeader)andhasneverbeenused!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--11--

January1997

TheBriefcase

Scene:Apersonstandingonastagerecitingalongstory(orsomeotheractivity).Asecondpersonwillenteratvariousstagesandinterrupthim,afterwhichthestorytellerstartsagain.

Thesecondpersonwillneedthefollowingprops:Abriefcase,andastepladder.

1.Person2walksonwithabriefcase.Firstpersonaskshimwhathe'sdoing.

Reply:"I'mtakingmycasetocourt".Walksoff.

2.Entersagainwithastepladder.Sameasbefore,thistimereplying:"I'mtakingmycasetoahighercourt"

3.Thistime,persontwoplacesthehandsofthestorytellerinfrontofhim,andputshiscaseonthem.

"Irestmycase"(Thisoneworksbestwhenthestorytellerdoesn'tknowaboutit).

4.Finalentry,withoutacase:"Ilostmycase"

Thiscanofcoursebeexpanded.Seeninavarietyshowwithmanyotherthingshappening(mostlyknock-knockjokes)inturn.Canbegoodwhendoneproperly.

ABrotherhoodofScouting

ThisskithasaBrotherhoodtheme,andiswell-suitedtotheoldersections(Scoutsandhigher)andleaders,particularlyinanall-sectionscampfire.Itisbestpresentedneartheendofthecampfire,whenthingsarewindingdown(andthechildrenhavesettleddown).

PeoplerequiredfortheSkit:6

Cast:

OldManwithaStaff

SpiritoftheBeaver

SpiritoftheWolfCub

SpiritoftheScout

Spiritofadventure

SpiritoftheRover

(fewerpeoplemaybeusedbydoublinguponroles)

SkitSetup:IndexcardscanbeusedbytheSpiritsifthereisn'ttimetomemorizeeachrole.(SmallFlashlightrecommended!)

TheOldManisinsidethecampfirecircle,walkingslowlywithhisstaff.Heisslightlyhunchedoverwithageandleansonthestaffheavily.

TheScoutingSpiritsareevenlyspacedoutsidethecampfirecircle,justfarenoughbacknottobeseen.(Theyshouldspeakloudandclearly).

NOTE:WhentheOldManstopseachtimeandlooksintothefire,thereshouldbe2-3secondsofsilencebeforetheSpiritsspeak.

(ThememoriesthattheOldMansaysaloudshouldbespecifictothegroup,sotheyhaverelevancetotheaudienceandcanfeelthefullimpactoftheskit.Consultwithotherleaders/youthforideas.)TheSkit:OLDMAN(Shufflingslowlyaroundthecampfire)."Mylifehasbeenlong,toolong,andmyScoutingyearsarebehindme.MyfriendsareallgoneandIamgoingtodiealone.OldandAlone."(Stopsandstaresintothefire)ALLSPIRITS:"SHARING"

SPIRITOFTHEBEAVER:"IamtheSpiritoftheBeaver.Whenyouwereyoung,ItaughtyouSharingandCaringfortheWorld."

OLDMAN(Resumesshufflingslowlyaroundthecampfire).<BeaverMemory>e.g."Beavers.IrememberBeavers.RiverbanksandtheBeaverPond,makingcraftstotakehometoMom..."<etc.>(TheOldManstopsagainandstaresintothefire.)ALLSPIRITS:"A-Ke-Lah"

SPIRITOFTHEWOLFCUB:"IamtheSpiritoftheWolfCub.Itaughtyoutodoyourbest,IledyourPackthroughtheforestandyoulivedbyMyLaw."

OLDMAN(Resumesshufflingaroundthecampfire).<CubMemory>e.g."Cubs.IrememberCubs.HotDogroastsinthebush,myfirstrealcamp-out,andofcoursetheKubKarraces..."<etc>.(TheOldManstopsagainandstaresintothefire.)ALLSPIRITS:"OnMyHonor"

SPIRITOFTHESCOUT:"IamtheSpiritoftheScout.Itaughtyouknotsand

SPIRITOFTHESCOUT:"IamtheSpiritoftheScout.Itaughtyouknotsandhowtocampwithoutatrace,andtogetherweexploredtheland."

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OLDMAN(Resumesshufflingaroundthecircle).<ScoutMemory>e.g."Scouts.IrememberScouts.Longhikesandlongcamps,breakinglakeiceforwaterinthewinter.AndthentherewasJamboree..."<etc.>(Stopsandstaresintothefire.)ALLSPIRITS:"Challenge"

SPIRITOFADVENTURE:"IamtheSpiritofadVenture.Itaughtyouleadershipandsetyoufree,totestyourlimitstotheskies."

OLDMAN(Resumesshufflingaroundthefire).<VenturerMemory>e.g."Oh,yes,Venturers.AttendingJamboreeasaHikemaster,leadingpeoplefromaroundtheworldintotheRockies.GettingmydriverslicenseandtryingtodateRangers..."<etc.>(Stopsandstaresintothefire)ALLSPIRITS:"Service"

SPIRITOFTHEROVER:"IamtheSpiritoftheRover.Iledyoutoadulthoodandself-destiny.WechosetogivebacktheloveweweregiventhroughService."

OLDMAN(Resumesshuffling).<RoverMemory>e.g."Rovers.IcouldneverforgetRovers.HelpingoutatDream-On,puttingonDistrictcampfires.AndthenthereweretheMootsandRoadtrips.Andcamps,camps,camps."(Slowsdownandbeginstosinktotheground.Heisdying.)ALLSPIRITS(Walkstraightintothecampfirecirclefromwheretheystand,ifpossible.TheyshouldallarriveattheOldMan'sbodyatthesametime.Waitamomentortwo.)"WearethebrotherhoodofScouting".<Eachsectionsaysitsnameinorder-BEAVERS,CUBS,SCOUTS,VENTURERS,ROVERS.>"IfyougrowupwithScoutingyouareNEVERalone."

--ThankstoGaryNelson

TheBubbleGumontheStreet

OneofthoseskitsCubsjustloveandlaughat.

Cast:Kid,Dog,BasketballPlayer,Car,JoggerandOldMan

Setting:CityStreet

Kid:Blowingbubblesisjustgreat.Watch.(Blowsimaginarybubble;itpopsandlandssomewhereontheground.)Hmm.Wherediditgo?Ishouldlookforit.(Goesaroundandexits,stilllookingforit.)Enterdog,whostops,sniffsatgum,peesonit,andexits.Basketballplayerisdribblingballwhenitgetsstuckonthegum--hetriestoloosenitandfinallydoes.Cardrivesrightoverit.Joggergoesby,hisfootgetsstuckonit;oldmancomesbyandhiscanegetsstuckonit.Finally,Kidcomesback.

Kid:Ahh!There'smypieceofgum!(Picksitup,popsitinhismouthandcontinueschewing.)TheBubbleGumintheStudiosAquick,2-personskityoucanusetofillamomentwhenasixorpatrolisn'tready(butshouldbe.)Cast:Announcer,BoySetting:Stage

Announcer:LadiesandGentlemen!WelcometotheworldfamousWHEELOFFISH!(Boycomescrawlingontostage.)Isay,youngman,whatareyoudoingdownthere?

Boy:(Lookingup)I'mlookingformybubblegum!

Announcer:Well,wheredidyouloseit?

Boy:Backstage!

Announcer:Thenwhylookhere?

Boy:Thelightingisbetterhere!

BuffaloStories

Theseareavariationofthepopularelephantjokes.Theycanbesetupwithtwoboysforeach"joke".

Cub1:Howcanyoutellifabuffaloisunderyourbedroll?

Cub2:Theceilingofyourtentisveryclose.

Cub2:Theceilingofyourtentisveryclose.

Cub3:DidyouknowbuffaloesareoriginallyfromItaly?

Cub4:Youmeanlikeinthesong"Ohwhereisthehomeforthebuffaloes--Rome!

Cub5:Whatdoyoufindbetweenthehoovesofbuffaloes?

Cub6:Slowbuffalohunters.

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Cub7:Whatdoyougetwhenyoucrosspeanutbutterwithabuffalo?

Cub8:Youeithergetpeanutbutterthatroamstherangeorabuffalothatstickstotheroofofyourmouth.

Cub9:Howcanyoutellabuffalofromafieldmouse?

Cub10:Trytopickitup.Ifyoucan't,it'seitherabuffalooraveryoverweightmouse.

Cub11:Howcanyoutellabuffalohasbeenintherefrigerator?

Cub12:Hishoofprintsareinthejello.

Cub13:Howcanyoutellwhentherearetwobuffaloesinyourrefrigerator?

Cub14:Youcan'tshutthedoor.

BusDriver

Cast:SeveralPassengers,BusDriver,"Stinky"

Setting:Bus

Busdriverdrivesthebusalongtheroute,andateachstop,moreandmorepeoplegetoffthebus,holdingtheirnoses,tellingthedrivertohurryup,pushingagainsteachother,runningoffthebus,untilfinallyonlyStinkyandtheDriverareleftonthebus.

Driver:(TalkingtoStinky)Hey!Allmypassengersleft.Youknowanythingaboutit?(Smellssomethingawful.)Hmm.Somethingsmells--itmustbeyou.

Didyouwashthismorning?

Stinky:Yes.

Driver:Hmm.Deodorant?

Stinky:Yes.

Driver:Hmm.Cleanshirt?

Stinky:Yes.

Driver:Cleanunderwear?

Stinky:Yes.

Driver:Changeyoursocks?

Stinky:Sure!Herearetheoldones!

C.P.R.

ThefirstScoutcomesoutwalkingaround,hesuddenlygrabshischestandfallstotheground.Twootherscoutscomeintalkingaboutjustcompletingtheirfirstaidmeritbadgeandfindthescoutontheground.TheyrushtohisaidandbeginC.P.R..Adjusthead,listen,feelforpulseandthenbegin(fake)compressions.Theotherscoutcounts.Afterabout3sets,theotherscoutyells"switch".Suddenlythescoutonthegroundgetsup,oneofthetwoscoutsliesdown,andtheybeginagaintoadministerC.P.R.

CamelPatrol

AScoutdressedinaturbanentersthecampfirecircle.Heplacesablanketontheground,kneelsandbeginstopry.Hepraysbybowingdownandwithhisarms

ground,kneelsandbeginstopry.Hepraysbybowingdownandwithhisarmsout-stretched,hechant"OhAllah,bringmeacamel."Repeatanumberoftimes,andthenhelooksundertheblanket.Heshakeshisheadsadlyandasksforavolunteertohelphim.ThetwokneelandpraytoAllahforacamel.Againthefirstscoutlooksundertheblanketandfindsnothing.Hecontinuestorecruitvolunteerstwoorthreeatatime,eachtimeprayingforacamel.(ifthevolunteersarenotreallyhelpingtheneggthemon.)Whenthereisnomoreroomontheblanketforvolunteersthefirstscoutsstandandsays:"Allahhasn'tsentmeacamel,buthehassentmealotofsillyjackasses!"

CampCoffeeSketch

Props:Alargecookingpotandmugsforactors

1stScout-(Walkstopotcarryinghismug.Hedipshismuginandbringsituptohislipsforadrink)"Thiscampcoffeeisgettingworse".

2ndScout-(Walkstopotcarryinghismug.Hedipshismuginandbringsituptohislipsforadrink)"Thiscampteaisgettingworse".

3rdScout-(Walkstopotcarryinghismug.Hedipshismuginandbringsituptohislipsforadrink)"Thiscamphotchocolateisgettingworse".

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4thScout-(Walksuptopot,dipshishandsinandtakesoutapairofwetsocks.Ashewringsthemouthesays)"Ithoughtthatwouldgetthemclean!"

CanYouDoThis?

Cast:2People,campfireblanket

Haveonepersonliedownonhisbackandtheotherkneeldirectlyoverhim.Thetoppersonwearsthecampfireblanketsoastohidehislegsandexposethelegsofthepersonlyingdown,tocreatetheeffectofitbeingonepersonsittingdown.

ofthepersonlyingdown,tocreatetheeffectofitbeingonepersonsittingdown.

Person:Hithere!WelcometoDon'sHouseofFineExercisesandSportsMedicine.TodayI'mgoingtoaskyouaboutyourregularstretchingroutine.Canyoudothis?(Liftsupalegsothatit'sparallelwiththechest.)Orthis?(Liftsotherleg.)Andhowaboutthis?(Crossesthelegs.)Thisisanunusualone.Canyoudoit?(Bringsfeetaroundtheneck.)Andlet'snotforgetthisone.Canyoudoit?(Stretchesoutthelegsinspreadeaglefashionintheair.)(Elicitanoanswerfromavolunteer.)Well,neithercanI!(Standsup.)TheCandyShopAskfortwovolunteers,whojuststandthereinthecandyshop.

Acustomercomesinandasksforchocolatecoveredcherries.Sorry,nochocolatecoveredcherries.Peanutbrittle?Sorry,justsoldourlastpeanutbrittle.Toffee.Youmusthavetoffee.Um,well,nottoday.Licorice?Freshoutoflicorice.

Well,whatdoyouhave?"Well,allwe'vegotarethesetwosuckers."

--ThankstoBobJenkins

TheCandyStore

Thisonecanbereallyhammedupandincludedthekidwalkingupinadancekindofwayandtheoldstorekeeper,beingold,verylaboriouslyclimbingupaladder,gettingthecandyjar,comingdown,countingoutthecandies,andsoon.

Cast:Oldstorekeeper,veryyoungkid(4yearsold)

Setting:ACandyStore

Kid:(Kidwalksuptostorekeeperandasks)Iwantfiveofthosepennycandieswayupatthetop.

Storekeeper:Youmeanthosepennycandies,way,way,waaaaaayyuptop?

Kid:Yes,please.

Storekeeper:Sigh!(Kidtakesinnocentpleasureinwatchingthestorekeepergoup.)Storekeeperclimbsupandgethimfivecandies,andreceivesthefivecents.

Thisscenerepeatsitselfseveraltimesover3moredays,withthestorekeeperbeingmoreandmoretiredeachtimeandbecomingequallymorefrustrated

beingmoreandmoretiredeachtimeandbecomingequallymorefrustrateduntil,Storekeeper:Oh!Iseethatkidcoming.Iknowwhathe'scomingtoget,soI'llclimbupnowtogetthecandiesbeforehecomesinandhaveitreadyforhim.(Kidwalksin.)IbetIknowwhatyouwant.Ibetyouwantfiveofthepennycandiesfromwayuptop,right?

Kid:Nope!Nottoday!

Storekeeper:Sigh!NowIhavetoclimbbackuptoputthemaway.(Heclimbsup,putsthemaway,thencomesdown.)Now,sonny,whatwouldyouliketoday?

Kid:Iwouldlikethreeofthosepennycandieswayupatthetop!

CandyStore

Theleadergivesinstructionsforplayingcandystore.Heasksthatonepersontakealongstringandholdonandthenaddsothersuntilthereisalonglineofpeopleholdingontothestring.Thentheleaderexplainsthatthisisacandystorebecausetherearesomesuckershangingontheline.

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CandyStore(variation)

Acandystoreownerenterscarryingalongpole.Heaskstwomembersoftheaudiencetoholdthepole,drapingablanketorsheetoverit,explainingthatthisisthecandystore.Onebyonecustomerscomeinaskingfordifferenttypesofcandy,toeach,theownerrepliesthathedoesn'thaveany.Finally,acustomeraskswhathedoeshave.Theownerstateshedoesn'thaveanycandyleftexceptforthesetwosuckersonastick,pullingtheblanketawayatthesametime.

ChangeUnderwear

Havetheboysmarchin,singlefile,withoneboyleadingthemlikeadrillsergeant.Thesergeanttellsthemtostopandaddressesthem.Hetellsthemhe

sergeant.Thesergeanttellsthemtostopandaddressesthem.Hetellsthemhehassomegoodnewsandsomebadnews.Thegoodnewsisthattheygetachangeofunderwear.Theboyscheerandhecutsthemoff.Thebadnewsisthattheyhavetochangeunderwearwithoneanother.Theboysgroan.

ChewingGum

Youwillneed:5CubScouts,propsshouldincludealamppost,parkbench,tree.

Scene:Parkarea,CubScoutswalkononeatatime.ThisisapantomimeskitandisgreattousewithyoungerCubScoutsandshyboys.

OneCUBwalksonstagechewingimaginarygum(useexaggeratedmotions-chewing,blowingbubbles,pullinggumoutofmouth,puttingitbackin),leansagainstlamppostforabit,takesgumoutofhismouthandsticksittothelamppost.Hethenwalksoffstage.SecondCUBcomesonstage,leansagainstlamppost,feelsgumstick,pullsthegumoffandsticksgumtobench.SecondCUBexits.ThirdCUBentersandsitsonbench.

Noticegum,pullsitoffhimselfandthrowsittotheground.FourthCUBwalksonstage,stepsingum,removesgumfromshoeandsticksittotree.Exits.FifthCUBenters,leansagainsttreeandfindsgum.Removesgumfromtreeandsticksitonthelamppost.FirstCUBentersagain.Walksuptolamppost,findsgumandsticksitbackinhismouth.Walksoffstagechewinggum.

ChinFaces

Performersarrangethemselveswiththeirheadshangingupsidedownovertheedgeofatablewithasheetorotherdrapecoveringtheirbodywithholescutoutexposingtheirmouthandchin.Placesunglassesjustbelowthechininfrontoftheneckfor"eyes."Thechinbecomesthenose,themouthisthemouth-butupsidedown,sotosmileyouneedtoactuallyfrown.The"chinface"makesashortsillyspeechorsingsaharmonioussong.Several"chinfaces"inarowcanformasinginggroupormimearecording.Variation:Havethe"chinface"beachickeninsteadofaperson.

ClimbThat

TwoScoutsmeet,andthefirstscoutbeginstobraghecanclimbanything.

Scout1:"Canyouclimbthattree?"

Scout2"SureI'vedoneitlotsoftimes."

Scout1"Canyouclimbthesteephilloverthere?"

Scout2"Nosweat,noproblemforme."

Scout1"HowabouttheEmpireStateBuilding?"

Scout2"Doneit,Didit."

Scout1"HowaboutMountEverest?"

Scout2"BoythatwasIcoldday,I'vedonethattoo.ItoldyouIamtheworld'sgreatestclimber,Icanclimbanything!"

Scout1"I'llbetyoutenbucksIcanshowyousomethingthatyoucan'tclimb."

Scout2"Youron!"

Scout1pullsoutaflashlightandshinethebeamupintothesky"allrightclimbthat!"

Scout2"Areyoucrazy?NoWay!"

Scout1"Iknewyouwouldbackout,nowpayup!"

Scout2"Iwon'tpaybecauseitsnotfair.Iknowyou,I'dstartclimbingandI'dgethalfwayandyou'dturntheflashlightoff!"

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TheCompass

Props:Agoodcompassandamap

Announcer:Inthisscene,weseeaScoutmasterteachingaPatrolaboutmapsandcompass.

Scoutmaster:Nowfellows,ifyoutakeabearingfromthemapthiswayyoucannowstandupand,keepingthecompassawayfromyourbeltbuckle,walkalongthebearinguntilyoureachyourdestination.John,youtrythat.

John:(Doesasinstructed,exits,re-enters)

Scoutmaster:(Standing)Inthesamewayyoucantakeabearingonadistantobject,andusethattofindwhereyouareonthemap.Now,eachofyoutakeabearingonthatbigtreeonthehilltop.

Otherboys:(Doasinstructed,passingcompassaround,makingsuitablecomments.)Scoutmaster:(Afterafewmoments)Allright,let'sallgatheraround.Thatwrapsuptonight'scompasslesson.Thereisjustonemoreimportantpoint!Never,neverbuyaTATEScompass.

Tom:Scouter,whyshouldweneverbuyaTATEScompass?

Scoutmaster:Youknowtheoldsaying:"HewhohasaTATESislost!"

TheComplainingMonk

"IgotthisoneoffofmyPartIIScouts.TheTrainersdidawonderfuljobofitandattheblessingjustbeforethemonksayshistwowords,theAbbotwouldsay,inthetypicalchanttune,"MyfatherplaysDominoesbetterthanyourfatherdoes..."whichwasofcoursehilarious.Having,bypurecoincidence,amonksuitwithmeatthetime,mypatroldidaskitthefollowingnight("Whattheheckwasthat!")thatincorporatedamonkthatchanted,"MyfatherplaysDominoesbetterthanthosetwoguysfromlastnight..."Itofcoursebroughtthehousedown.Toobadourpunchlinenotonlywasnowhereneargoodenoughalinetofollowupbutwasalsoscrewedup."AuthorCast:Monk,Abbot,narratorScene:Abbot'soffice

Narrator:Thisskitisaboutthemonksinamonasterywhoareonlyallowedtospeaktwowordseverytenyears.Ourfriendlymonkisabouttocomeinandsayhistwowords,aftertenlongyearsofsilence.

Abbot:(Chantssomeblessing,then,)Yes,myson,whatdoyouwishtosay?

Monk:Badfood!

Narrator:Well,tenyearshavegoneby,andofcourseourfriendlymonk'stimehascomeagaintosayhistwowords.Heofcourseisnotquiteasyoungasheusedtobe,andwalksatouchmoreslowly.

Abbot:(Chantssomeblessing,then,)Yes,myson,whatdoyouwishtosay?

Monk:Uncomfortablebed!

Narrator:Well,yetanothertenyearshavegoneby,andofcourseourfriendlymonk'stimehascomeagaintosayhistwowords.Heisreallyoldatthispoint,havingbeenatthemonasteryforthirty,long,devotedyears.

Abbot:(Chantssomeblessing,then,)Yes,myson,whatdoyouwishtosay?

Monk:Iquit!

Abbot:I'mnotsurprised!You'vebeenhereforthirtyyearsandallyou'vedoneiscomplain!

ContagiousDiseaseWard

Thescenetakesplaceinthewaitingroomofadoctorofcontagiousandcommunicablediseases,Dr.

Ringworm,M.D.,L.S.D.,V.I.P.,L.C.B.Havefourchairsandastandformagazinesorbooks.Inwalksafellow(a)withanitchwhichhescratchesperiodicallyindifferentplaces.Hegrabsamagazineandattemptstoreadbutisdisturbsperiodicallybyhisitch.Afterawhile,asecondfellow(B)comesinwithaserioushandtwitch.BsitsnexttoA.Bgraduallystartstoscratchwiththeitch,whileA'shandstartstotwitch.Whenithasbeenwellestablishedthattheyhavecontractedeachothers'disease,athirdpersonenterswithaseriouslegtwitch.Prettysoonallthreehavethehandtwitch,legtwitch,anditchallover.afourthguycomesinbouncingallovertheplaceandshakingeverymuscleinhisbody.Theactionsofthefourguysbecomemorefranticandarebouncingaroundintheirchairs.Thenaboydressedlikeapregnantladystrollsincasuallyandtheotherfourscramblefortheirlives.

Ifpossibleordesiredhavesomejazzmusicplayinginthebackgroundforthescoutswiththediseasestokeepthebeatto.

scoutswiththediseasestokeepthebeatto.

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CourtCase

Secondpersonwalksinwithasuitcase.Firstpersonalreadyonstageaskswhereheisgoingandthefirstperson'sreplyisthatheisgoingtocourt.Alittlewhilelaterhecomesinwiththecaseandalsoaladder.Thistimehesaysthathetakinghiscasetoahighercourt.

CourtScene

Guybroughtin-"I'mInnocent!Iwasjustpickinguppebblesonthebeach!"Twoormorewithsimilarstories.

Lastpersoncomesonstageeitherdressedlikeaguydressedlikeagirloragirl,saying,"Hi,I'mPebbles",inanalluringmanner.

CrazyCharlie

ThesceneissetupsothatCrazyCharlieisportrayedasbeinginamentalinstitution.It'sdinnertimeandbeforehecanaskforanyonetopassthemeat,someonecallsout37andtheroomburstsintolaughter.Momentslater57iscalledoutandmorelaughterresults.CrazyCharlieaskstheguynexttohimwhatisgoingon.Heistoldthateveryoneknowseachothersjokessowellthattheyhavenumberedthejokes.

AfterawhileCharliedecidestogiveitatrialandcall52,butnoonelaughs;thereiscompletesilence.Charlieaskshisfriendwhatiswrong.Hefriendtellshimnottoworrythatthereisn'tanythingwrong,somepeoplecantelljokesandsomepeoplecan't.

CubCookout

Characters:SeveralCubsaroundfakecampfirepretendingtocookhotdogsonsticks.TwoCubsdressedasmosquitoes--antennae,wingsetc.

Setting:Boysaroundfirekeepslappingasiftheyarebeingattackedbymosquitoesthroughouttheskit.Asthesceneopens,thetwomosquitoesenterthestageandcontinuewalkingrandomlyaroundtheboysastheydelivertheirlines.

Mosquito#1:Hey,Igotagoodone!Whichsportdowemosquitoeslikebest?

Mosquito#2:Easy!Skindiving.Say,didyouhearwhattheCubScoutsaidtothemosquito.

Mosquito#1:No,what?

Mosquito#2:Don'tbugme!

Mosquito#1:Areyourelatedtoanyofthebugsaroundhere?

Mosquito#2:Sure.Myant.

Mosquito#1:Didyouhearwhatthemothergrasshoppersaidtoherchildren?

Mosquito#2:No--tellme.

Mosquito#1:Hoptoit!

Cub#1:Thesemosquitoesareawful!LuckyIbroughttheinsectrepellent.(Pretendstosprayair.)(Mosquitoesexitquickly--chokingandgagging.)Cub#2:(Tocub#1)Say,whathas18feet,redeyes,andlongclaws.

Cub#1:Idon'tknow.

Cub#2:NeitherdoI,butit'scrawlingupyourneck.

(Allboysrunscreamingfromstage.)

CubOlympics

Characters:TVreporter,4CubathletesgettingreadyfortheCubOlympics.

Props:Frisbeefordiscuss,pileforjavelin,bagofcookies,toothbrushandbasinofwateronstand,fakemikeforreporter(canbedressedinsuitjacketandhave

ofwateronstand,fakemikeforreporter(canbedressedinsuitjacketandhaveIDforhisstationonhislapelinlargeletters)TVreporter:We'reheretodaytointerviewtheathletesatPack_____astheyprepareforthechallengeofthisyearsCubOlympics.Asyoucanimagine,ittakesmonthsoftrainingandhardworktogettheseathletesreadytoTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--18--

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compete.Let'sseehowtheyarepreparingthemselvesforthebigcompetition.(turnstoCub#1withmicrophone)Tellme,howareyougettingreadyforyoureventintheOlympics?

Cub#1:I'mpracticingmythrowforthediscusevent.(demonstrateshowtothrowdiscususingFrisbee)TVreporter:Greatform!(turnstoCub#2)andyou--canyoutellushowyouarepreparingtocompete?

Cub#2:I'mpolishingmyjavelinforthejavelinthrow(polishespolewitharag.)TVreporter:Goodluck!(turnstoCub#3)Whatareyoudoingtoday?

Cub#3:I'mpracticingforthestandingbroadjump.(doesacoupleofpracticejumps)TVreporter:Fine!(turnstoCub#4)AndwhatareyoudoingtotrainfortheOlympics?

Cub#4:I'mbrushingmyteeth!(usesbasinofwaterandtoothbrush--pretendstobrushteeth)TVreporter:Brushingyourteeth!WhatOlympiceventcouldyoupossiblybetrainingfor?

Cub#4:I'mtrainingfortheInternationalOlympicCookie-Eatingevent!(pullsoutbagofcookiesandstuffssomeinhismouth.)

CubScoutSocks

Characters:Denleader,3CubScouts

Props:Apileofsocksonatable.Denleadersitsbehindtable.

Denleader:Boys,I'mpleasedtoannouncethatournewCubScoutsockshavearrived!Pleasestepupforyoursupplyofcleansocks.

Cub#1:Ineedfourpair.

Cub#1:Ineedfourpair.

Denleader:Whatdoyouneed4pairfor?

Cub#1:IneedthemforMonday,Wednesday,Friday,andSunday.

Denleader:O.K.Hereareyoursocks.Nextplease.

Cub#2:Ineedsevenpair.

Denleader:Whatdoyouneedsevenpairfor?

Cub#2:ForSunday,Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,andSaturday.

Denleader:O.K.hereareyoursocks.

Cub#3:Ineed12pairs.

Denleader:Wow,youmustreallybeacleanguy!Sowhydoyouneed12

pair?

Cub#3:Well,there'sJanuary,February,March,April...etc.

CubShop

Cast:4Shoppers,Storekeeper,Kid(inunderwear,ornightgown),fulluniformSetting:Store

#1:I'dliketobuytheCubShirt.

Storekeeper:Sure.Onemoment,please.(Youhearthekidstrugglingwiththekeeperinthebackground--

"No,youcan'thaveit!")(Comesbackwithashirt.)

#2:I'dliketobuytheaccessoriestotheCubUniform.

Storekeeper:Sure.Onemoment,please.(Youhearthekidstrugglingwiththekeeperinthebackground--

"No,youcan'thavethem!")(Comesbackwithaccessories.)

#3:I'dliketobuythepantstogowiththeCubUniform.

Storekeeper:Sure.Onemoment,please.(Youhearthekidstrugglingwiththekeeperinthebackground--

"No,youcan'thavethem!")(Comesbackwithpants.)

#4:I'dliketobuytherightkindofshoesfortheCubUniform.

Storekeeper:Sure.Onemoment,please.(Youhearthekidstrugglingwiththekeeperinthebackground--

"No,youcan'thavethem!")(Comesbackwithshoes.)

Kid:(Comesrunningoutinunderwear/swimsuit)HowamIsupposedtogotoCubswithoutmyuniform?

Damn!(orshouldIsayDarn?)

Cast:Director,2Workers,Cameraman,Clapperman,LightMan,Soap

Setting:OntheSettingofaMovie

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Director:Okay,people!RememberwhatIsaidaboutthelanguage!Action!

Clapperman:Scene5,Take1!

Worker1:(Eatinglunchwith#2)Youknow,Gerry,thewifeisalwaysnaggingmeforsomemoremoney.

AndIjustdon'thaveit.

Gerry:Iknowwhatyoumean.The(DARN)kidsarealways...

Director:Cut!WhatdidIsayaboutthelanguage?Youknowtherules...soapinthemouth.(PantomimedirectorwashingoutGerry'smouthwithsoap.)Okay,let'strythatoneagain.Andwatchthelanguage!

Continuesthesameway,buteachtimesomethinghappenswhereadifferentpersonsays"Darn"--clappermangetsfingerscaughtinclapper(don'tdothewholesceneoveragain,ofcourse,)cameramantripswhilefilming,lightpersondropslight,#1says"thedarnwife..."Finally,thedirectorisabouttostartthesceneagainwhenhelooksathiswatch.

Director:Ohdarn.Lookatthetime...

Cast&Crew:Cut!Youknowtherules...(Pantomimewashingoutmouthwithsoap)DancingKneeDolls

Paintfacesonthekneesoftheperformers.Usedresses(orpantsandshirt)todressthelegsasdollswiththearmsbulgingout.Theclothescanbemadeoutofcrepepaper,cloth,orrealclothing.Covertheupperlegsandbodywithasheet.Directaflashlight(spot)ontoeachknee.

TheDangerousTent

Cast:2guys,2bikers

Setting:Campground

#1:Well,timetogotobed.ANDIGETTHETENT!(Beatsuplittleguy.)

#2:But...Ohwell,it'snouse.(Hesetsuphissleepingbagunderthestars.)Bikers:(Makemotorcyclenoises&comein.)Ha!Ha!Let'sbeatupthisguy!(Theybeatuplittleguy.)Nextmorning,#2:Hey!Lastnightsomebikerscamehereandbeatmeup!

#1:You'rejustjealousthatItookthetent.Beaman.

Thenextnightandmorning,thesameroutineoccurs,withthelittleguycomplainingevenmore.Finally,thebigguyletsthelittleguyhavethetent,withmuchadoabouthimbeingawimp.Thatnight,Bikers:(Makemotorcyclenoises&comein.)Youknow,Ithinkwe'vebeatupontheguyoutsideenoughthepast

&comein.)Youknow,Ithinkwe'vebeatupontheguyoutsideenoughthepasttwonights.Let'sbeatuptheguyinsidethetenttonight!

TheDeadBody

NumberofParticipants:2

Scene:Onepersonlyingontheground,dead.Anotherseeshimandrunsforthetelephoneand,panicking,gasps:"Police,there'sadeadpersonhere...Where?....Uh,(lookingforasign),"I'matMontgomeryandWestchester...Spellit?...Uh,M-o-t-n...Uh,M-o-t-g,,"(confused),"Justaminute,I'lldraghimovertoKingandElm!"

TheDenMother'sBouquet

Characters:SixCubScoutsinsummeruniformorCubScoutT-shirts.

Scene:Anaturewalk.

Props:Cub-fashionedbouquet,withstrandsofivy.

Cub1:Gee,Fellas.Idon'tthinkMrs.Brown'shavingaverygoodtime.

Cub2:Well,youdidn'thelpthingsmuch,givingherthatgartersnake.

Cub3:Iwasjusttryingtohelphercollectstuffforournaturedisplayatpackmeeting.

Cub4:Yeah...andyouheardwhatshesaid!"Nothin'everagain,thatmovesbyitself."

Cub3:So...nowIknowbetter!

Cub5:Don'tworryaboutathing,youguys.I'mgonnafixeverything.

Cub6:Yeah?How?

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--20--

January1997

Cub5:Well,youknowhownuttywomenareaboutflowers?So,Ipickedherthisneatbunchofflowers...(heholdsupbouquet,withtrailingstrandsofivy)...See?

Cub6:Ohno...(wails).We'llnevergettogoonanotherhike!

Cub5:Howcome?

Cub6:Cause...that'spoisonivy!!

DidYouHaveV-8?

Cast:Weakling,threeorfourThugs,OldLady,Director,Cameraman

Setting:StreetCornerSetinaStudio

Weakling:Hithere.I'madvertisingthegreateffectsthiswonderfulvegetablecocktail,V-8,hasonyourstamina.You,Sir.(Toatoughlookingthug.)DidyouhaveyourV-8today?

Thug:Duh,no.Realmendon'tdrinkV-8.

Weakling:Suretheydo.Watch!(Hebeatsupthug.)See?IhadmyV-8today!

YouSir!DidyouhaveyourV-8today?

Thug2:(Hascrowbar)No,Idon'tneedit!

Weakling:Sureyoudo.(Hebeatsupthug.)YoucantellIdo!AndyouSir!DidyouhaveyourV-8today?

Thug3:AskmeagainandI'llbeatyouup.

Weakling:Heh,heh.DidyouhaveyourV-8today?(Thugtriestobeathimup,butweaklingtakescareofhimnoproblem.)Soyousee,havingyourV-8isgreatforyou.

Anoldladywalksin;weaklinglookspuzzled,whisperstodirectorsayinghehadn'theardaboutanoldladyinthescript;directorsaystogoonandaskheranyway.

anyway.

Weakling:Excuseme,Ma'am.DidyouhaveyourV-8today?

Oldlady:Asamatteroffact,youngman,Idid--andI'llproveit!(Shebeatshimup.)DinnerSpecial

Characters:twocustomers,waiter.LetactorsdevelopactionsanddialoguefromthesituationProps:tablewithtablecloth,candles,menus,etc.Mostimportant-astorybookTwocustomersenterafancyseafoodrestaurant,studythemenus,etc.WaiterarrivestotakeordersOnecustomerordersshrimp,thesecondsays,"I'dlikealobstertail,please."

Waitersaysappropriatethings,goesaway,returnswithastorybook,sitsdownnearcustomertwobutfaceaudienceandbeginstoread;"Onceuponatime,therewasalittlelobster...."

Doctor!Doctor!

Thesecrettosuccesswiththisseriesofquickiesistokeepthemmovingalong.Youcanhaveonedoctoranddifferentpatients,butitmayaddgreaterrushandflurryifadifferentdoctorandpatientflyinandoutforeachquickie.

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!Ifeellikeasetofdrapes.

Doc:Pullyourselftogether!

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!AmIgoingtodie?

Doc:That'sthelastthingyou'lldo.

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!Everyonekeepsignoringme.

Doc:Next!

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!Mybackfeelslikeadeckofcards!

Doc:I'lldealwithyoulater.

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!What'swrongwithme?

Doc:Haveyouhadthisbefore?

Doc:Haveyouhadthisbefore?

Pat:Yes.

Doc:Well,you'vegotitagain!

Doc:You'lllivetobe80.

Pat:Iam80.

Doc:See!

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!I'vegotinsomnia.

Doc:Don'tloseanysleepoverit!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--21--

January1997

Pat:Doctor!Doctor!Myfriend'sdoctortoldhimhehadappendicitisand,twoweekslater,myfrienddiedofheartfailure.

Doc:Don'tworry.IfItellyouyou'vegotappendicitis,you'lldiefromappendicitis!

Doctor'sOffice

Firstpatientcomesinhiccupingandaskstoseethedoctor.Thesecondpatientcomesincross-eyed,withasillylookonhisface.Thethirdpersoncan'tcontrolhismusclesandisalljittery.Theyareallaskedtositdown.

Thefirstpersonisaskedtogoin.Thereisarealcommotionandthepatientcomesoutfine.Thesamethinghappenstothesecondandthirdpatients.Thenursetellsthedoctoritistimetogohome.Thedoctoremergeswiththesymptomsofallhispatientsandgoesoffstage.

DoggieDoctor

Apersoncomestoapsychologistandsaysthatheneedshelp,hethinksthatheisadog,holdinguphishandslikeadogbegging.Throughouttheskitthepersonactinglikeadog,doesdog-likethings,likescratchingbehindhisear,whining,etc.Doctoraskshowlonghehashadthisproblem.Eversincehewasapuppyisthereply.Thedoctorasksifhewilllieonthecouchbutthepersonsaysthathecan'tsincehecan'tgetonthefurniture.Doctor'sadviceistomakesurethathegetsallhisshotsanddon'tgochasinganycars.

DoggieDoo

Cast:Twofriends,doggiedoo

Setting:Street

Twofriendsarewalkingalongthestreet,perhapshavingaconversationaboutsomething,talkingaboutamovieorthelatesthockeyscores,whenallofasudden--John:HeyFrank!Watchout!Thatmaybedoggiedoo!Smellittoseeifitsmellslikedoggiedoo!

Frank:(Smellsit)Yep!Smellslikedoggiedoo!

John:Touchittoseeifitfeelslikedoggiedoo!

Frank:(Touchesit)Yep!Feelslikedoggiedoo!

John:Tasteittoseeifittasteslikedoggiedoo!

Frank:(Tastesit)Yep!Tasteslikedoggiedoo!

John:Well!It'sagoodthingwecheckedanddidn'twalkinit!

TheDumbActors

"Ioncedirectedthisskitand,havingprepareditwiththekidsafewweekspriortotheactualcampfire(andthekidsbeingfromanothergroup),I'dforgottenthatIhadtoarrangefortheirbrooms.Sointhemiddleoftheskit,Irememberedaboutthebroomsandquicklyranintothecampkitchentogetthebrooms!

"Itseemstomethatthisoneperhapscouldusealittle"settingthescene"--perhapsstartoffwiththe"actors"

standingaroundonbreak,andtheDirectorcallingthemin,sayingthatthey'dhadenoughtimealready.Onthatnote,Ionceparticipatedinthepresentationofthisskit.Iwasafifthcleanerwhowassortofonbreak,sortofworking.Ihadacoffeecup,abroom,sometowels,etc.Iwouldgoupandcleanthecamera,sweeparoundthesonwhowaslyingontheground,occasionallytrytointerrupt,butnotquitemanageto,etc.Afteraverbatimpresentationasfollows,Iaddedin,"Yeahguys,let'sgetbacktowork!"

"Otherwiseknownas"AttheMovies"fromtheLeaderMagazine--textfromtheBestoftheLeaderMagazineCutOutPages."AuthorCast:Director,OthersinaStudio(ClapperBoard,LightingMen),Mother,Son,Doctor,Undertaker,broomsfortheactors

Director:Lights,Camera,Action!

Clapper:Sceneone,Takeone!

Theactorsplaythescenewithouttheleastsignofemotionaslightingpeoplefollowandcameramanfilms.

Motherisflippingpancakesatthestovewhensonwalksin.

Son:Mom,Idon'tfeeltoowell.(Hecollapses)

Mom:(Goesover,looksatson.)Oh,I'dbettercallthedoctor.(Movestothephone,dialsmakingclick,click,clicksounds.)Doctor,comequick.Myson'scollapsed.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Doctor:(Enters,checkspulseandbreathing.)He'sdead.I'dbettercalltheundertaker.(Goestophone,dialsmakingdialingsoundslikeMomdid.)

undertaker.(Goestophone,dialsmakingdialingsoundslikeMomdid.)Undertaker,you'dbettercome.Ihaveadeadbodyhere.

Undertaker:(Entersandbeginstomeasurethebody.)

Director:(Jumpsup.)Cut!Cut!Thatwasterrible.YouhadnoemotionAT

ALL!Let'sdoitagain.Thistime,givememoreemotion!

Cast:(Exiting)Right.Moreemotion.

Director:Lights,Camera,Action!

Clapper:Sceneone,TakeTwo!

Theactorsredothescene,usingexactlythesamewords,butwithgreathammyhistrionics.Momweepsuncontrollablythroughout,sondiesverydramatically,etc.AtthesamepointasinTakeOne,theDirectoryells,"Cut!Cut!"

Director:Thatwasbetter,buttoofast.Let'stryagain.Thistime,slowitdown.Lights,Camera,Action!

Clapper:Sceneon,Takethree!

Theactorsredothesceneinslowmotion--talkingslowly,mowingslowly.Forexample,whenthetelephoneisdialeditgoesclick...click...click...andafterthedoctorcheck'stheson'spulse,theson'shandfallsslowlybacktothefloor,etc.TheDirectoryells"Cut!"intheusualplace.

Director:Thatwasfartooslow!Let'sspeeditup!

Thistimetheactorsdothescenesoquicklythatthesonthrowshimselftotheground,thedoctoristherebeforeMomcanhangup,andsoon.

Director:(Atthesameplace)Cut!Thatwasabsolutelyterrible!Actors?Doyoucallyourselvesactors!!??

Cast:Actors?Whosaidanythingaboutactors?We'rethecleaners!(Allpickupbroomsandexit.)EasterBunny

TheEasterBunnyisoutdeliveringhiseggsandthepolicearresthimforbreakingandenteringahouse.Thepolicedon'tbelievethatheistheEaster

breakingandenteringahouse.Thepolicedon'tbelievethatheistheEasterBunny,butfinallydecidetobelievehimandlethimgo.Hedecidestofinishdeliveringandtriestoenteranotherhousewhereanoldladyormanaccuseshimofstealing.TheBunnysays,"Ohno,notagain!"andisrunoffthestagebytheoldladyswingingastickorumbrella.

TheEcho

Theclubleaderannouncesduringthesingingthathehasnoticedanechointheroomandheisgoingtotryitout(alsocouldbeonahikeoverlookingacanyon).Thefollowingisadialoguebetweentheleaderandtheecho-

apersonoutoftheroomoroutofsight.

Leader:Hello

Echo:Hello

Leader:Cheese

Echo:Cheese

Leader:Bologna

Echo:(silence)

Leader:(togroup)Itmustnotbeworkingnow.I'lltryagain.(toecho)Thisleaderisgreat.

Echo:Bologna

Echo,again!

AScoutentersthecampfirearea,walksaroundandcollapsestotheground.Helaysthereseriouslyillanddying.Soonanotherscoutentersandfindstheillscout.Hescreamsout:"Thereissomeonelyinghere!"thentheechoeffectfromoutsideofthecampfirearea.Soonthescoutcallsout,"Ithinkheisill!",echoeffect.Hecontinues,"Ithinkheisveryill!"echoagain.TheScoutbeginningtopanicscreamsout"Heisdying"withtheechoesresponding.Finallythescoutcallsout"HeisDead!".Butthistimetheechoesrespondinunison,"Itsabouttime!"

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--23--

January1997

EchoPoint

Oncemodifiedthistosuitaspacetheme--itwasatouraroundthegalaxytodifferentplanets,peopletraveledinaspaceshiptogetfromplanettoplanet(adrawingoftheUSSEnterprise,noless,)andtheywentbacktothestarbase.Butessentialdetailsofthedialogue,andofcourse,thejokeitself,wereexactlythesame.

Cast:Guide,Tourists,Echohiddeninthebushes

Setting:ATouroftheCountryside

Youmightwanttolengthenitabitatfirst,totellamorecompletestory,butforthesakeofbrevity,youmightnot.

Guide:(Totouristgroup)AndthisoverhereisthefamoussitewhereJohnSmithfirstdiscoveredgold.Nowifyou'llfollowme,we'llbegoingtoEchoPointnext.(Walksaroundabitwithgroup.)Hereitis.WhatmakesEchoPointsospecialisthatwheneveryoucalloutthenameofafood,itwillechothreetimes.Listen.Yogurt!

(Echo:"Yogurt!Yogurt!Yogurt!")See?Now,wouldanybodyelseliketotry?

Tourist#1:Iwould.Banana!(Echo:"Banana!Banana!Banana!")Tourist#2:Salad!(Echo:"Salad!Salad!Salad!")Hey!Neato!

Tourist#3:Iwanttotry.Baloney!(Echo:"Baloney!Baloney!"--ONLYTWICE!)Guide:(Afterapause,)That'sstrange--it'sneverrepeatedafoodonlytwice.Maybeweshouldwaitamomentmore.(Pause--nothinghappens.)I'msoembarrassed.Well,Iguessweshouldgobacktothebase,wherethefoodissogood!

Echo:Baloney!

Echo:Baloney!

ElevatedGum

Aboyenterschewinggum,actinglikeabusinessman,withabriefcaseetc.Walksupandentersaelevator,sticksgumonthewall.Akidlisteningtorock&rollonhisportablestereo,dancesintotheelevator,leansonwall,handsstickstogum.Trieshardtopullhandoffthewall.Thekidlooksatthegum,stretchesit,pickshisnose,sneezes,etc.;allgettingonthegum.Throwsthegumatthebackoftheelevatorwhereitsticks.Dumb,spacey,jockstereotypeentertheelevator,leansonthebackwallandthegumgetsstucktothefollowingplaces:firstheadandelevator,thenheadandhand,bothhands,footandbothhands,bothfeetandhands,hands,knees,andhandtoface.Hefinallygetsfreeandsticksgumbackonsidewall.BusinessmanenterstheelevatoraftertheJockleaves,seegumanddecidestochewitagain,thenleaves.

TheElevator

Thesceneopenswithanelevatoroperatorintoning"GroundFloor".Apassengergetsonandbeginstojiggleslightly.Theelevatoroperatorintoneseachfloorwithadescriptionofwhat'sonthatfloor.Apassengergetsonateachfloorandbeginstojiggleaswell.Astheelevatorgetshigherthepassengersbegintojigglemore.Whenthetopfloorisreachedthepassengersbegintojigglelikemad,theoperatorintonesbathroomsandtheyallrushquicklyoff.Theoperatorsuddenlylooksfunny,beginstojiggle,shouts"METOO!"andrunsoffthestage.

EmergencyRoomDoctor

Thesceneisanemergencyroomatahospital.TheDoctoristotallyselfabsorbed,combinghair,lookinginmirroretc.Aguyrunsin,ahikerwithabranchstuckinhisstomach.Heisscreaminginagony.theDoctorinsiststhathemustaskhimsomequestionsbeforeanythingcanbedone.Thepatientscreamsthatheislosingblood.

Thedoctorcontinuesaskingquestionssuchaswherehelives,pastillnesses,typeofhouse,howhegotthereetc.

AphoneringsandtheDoctorisinvitedouttolunch.TheDoctorrunsoffleavingthewoundedmanwrithingonthefloor.Astupidlookingjanitorwithabroomwandersbyandpullsthebranchout.Thepatientstandsup,saysthanksandleaves.

leaves.

TheEnlargingMachine

Preparation:Decidewhichobjectswillbeenlarged,andcollectbothlargeandsmallversions.Forexample:Adimebecomesaquarter.

Astringbecomesacoilofrope.

AnewspaperpagebecomestheSundaypaper.

Setupasheetasabackdrop,andhideaScoutbehinditwiththelargeobjectsandabucketofwater.TheProfessorwillbeinfrontofthesheetwiththesmallobjects.Ifitisdark,youwillneedaspotlightontheaction.

TheSkit

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--24--

January1997

TheProfessorwalksoutandannouncesthathehasdevelopedawonderfulEnlargingMachinethatwillmakeanything-anything-bigger.AstheScoutbehindthemachinemakes'machine'noises,heexplainsthatthemachineisoperatedsimplybytossinganobjectoverthesheet.Themachinewillthenreturntheobjectinamuchlargerform.

TheProfessorwilldemonstratehisfantasticinvention,butheneedsvolunteerstohelp.Onebyone,thevolunteerscomeforward.TheProfessorhandsthemanobjectwhichtheythrowoverthesheet.Themachinethenmakesnoises,andthelargerobjectistossedback.Eachtime,theProfessorexclaimsaboutthevalueandcapabilityofthemachine.

ThelastvolunteeristheScapegoat,whoisvolunteeredbytheProfessorandthecrowd.TheProfessortakestheScapegoatbythearmandleadshimtowardtheaudienceandawayfromthesheet.Intonesofgreatsecrecy,theProfessorencourageshimtohavesomefunwiththemachineandspitoverthesheet.They

encourageshimtohavesomefunwiththemachineandspitoverthesheet.Theyreturntothesheet,andtheScapegoatspits.Heisinstantlydrenchedbyabucketofwater.

Variation

TheProfessorcantalkoutloudaboutanobject,butactuallyhandtheScapegoatacupofwater.Byhisactions,heimpliesthatheandtheScapegoataregoingtosurprisetheScoutbehindthemachine.Thiscanhaveseveraloutcomes;theScoutcanbesurprised;theScapegoatcangetwetanyway;ortheProfessorcangetwet,tohissurprise.

EskimoPie

Scene:GroupofCubScoutsaroundatable.

Props:Pingpongball,sponge,whitegolftees,panwithicecreambarsinthebottom.

Cub1:Isn'titgreatourleaderislettingusmakeapieforourdenmeetingtreat?

Cub2:Sureis.Idon'tknowwhatkindofpieitis,butherearethedirections.

Cub3:Let'ssee,firstyouputinthesewalruseyes.

Cub4:Walruseyes?Areyousure?

Cub3:Sayssorighthere.(Putspingpongballsinpan.)

Cub5:OK,nextputinapoundofblubber.

Cub4:Apoundofblubber?Areyousure?

Cub5:That'swhatitsaysintherecipe.(Putsinwhitesponges.)

Cub6:Thenextthingtoaddaretwodozenpolarbearteeth.

Cub4:Idon'tbelievethat.Whywouldyouputteethinapie?

Cub3:Hey,youhavetohaveteethtoeatapie!

Cub4:Ohyeah,goahead.

Cub6:Heregotheteeth.(Putsingolftees.)

Cub1:Nowweletitfreezeforonehour.(Putlidonpan.)

Cub2:(Holdupsignthatsays"onehourlater".)

Cub1:Let'sseewhatwe'vegot.(Uncoverspot.)

All:(Lookintopanandexclaim.)Eskimopies!!!!(Pullouticecreambars,openandeat.)TheFailedReporter

"I'mareporter.Ihavebeenfor12years.Andinallthattime,I'veneverhadarealscoop.Never.I'mafailure.I'vedonethislongenough,sonowI'mgoingtojumpoffthisbridgeandkillmyself.One,two,..."

"Wait!Wait!Whyareyoujumping?"

"I'mafailedreporter.I'veneverhadarealscoop."

"Oh.Youthinkyouhaveitbad,I'matruckdriver,andI'vegothemorrhoids.IthinkI'lljoinyou."

"One,two,..."

"Wait!Whatareyoualldoing?""We'recommittingsuicide.""Oh,I'magradeschoolteacher.IjustrealizedthatIcan'tstandwhineylittlekids.IthinkI'lljoinyou."

"One,two,..."

"Wait!Whatareyoudoing?""We'recommittingsuicide.""WellI'maflorist,andI'vegothayfever."sneeze!"IthinkI'lljoinyou."

"One,two,..."

"Wait!Whatareyoudoing?""We'recommittingsuicide.""I'madentist,hicandI'vehadthehiccupsforthelasthicfiveyears.Wouldyoulikeatoothremovedhic?"Heholdsoneofthosepointydentistthings,andeachtimehehicshishandsjerkaround"No!""ThenIthinkI'llhicjoinyou."

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

"One!Two!Three!!!"Theyalljump,exceptforthereporter.

"Fourpeoplejumptotheirgrislydeaths!Whatascoop!"Herunsoffstage,scribblingfuriouslyonhisnotepad.

--ThankstoBobJenkins

TheFire

Youneedtwoplayersandabehind-scenespersontomovethefire(anartificialcampfirewithinvisiblestringsattached).

Theplayerssitbythefire,reading,doingapuzzle,etc.Thefiremovesslightly.Theydon'tnotice.Itmovesagain;theydon'tnotice.Thiscontinuesuntil,finally,thefireispulledoffstage.Atthatpoint,oneoftheplayerslooksattheotherandsays,"Lookslikethefire'sgoneoutagain!"

--ThankstoScouting(UK)magazine

Firebuilding

Whenweenteredthecampfiretheaterthefirstfourscoutswalkedinwithlargecansfilledonlywithtornupnewspaper.TheStaffimmediatelynoticedandgaveustheirattention.Oneortwocameovertoseewhatwasup.Weletthemexaminethecansandtheyfoundonlypaper.Aseveryonewasseated,theleadersdeliveredadditionalcans,thesehadwaterballoonscoveredwithpaper.Ieventhrewsomepaperintheairaswedeliveredthecans.Duringtheotherskits,Isatdownwithstaffcarryingadummycanandleftitthere.Nowfortheskit:Havefourvolunteersstandacrossfromeachotherwitharmsonshouldersmakingasquare.TheNextfourvolunteersbendoverwiththeirrearspushedoutandtheirarmsaroundthewaistofthefourwhoarestanding.

TheNextfourgetbehindthekneesofthefourbentover,onallfours.Theannouncercontinuestotalkaboutfirelaysandtheimportanceofbuildingagreatfirelay.Hamthisupandjokeaboutthefunnylogsthescoutshavebrought

greatfirelay.Hamthisupandjokeaboutthefunnylogsthescoutshavebroughtforthefirelay.Witheverythinginplace,theannouncerremindsalloffiresafetyandthatyoumustalwaysputoutthefirewhenyouarefinished.(atthispointtheseniorstaffmemberwasheardassuringtheothers,nofear,itsonlypaper)TheStaffwasthenproperly"putout"!Itwasagreatsalesjob,andworkedsowell.

BestskitandBestconatsummercamp.--

--ThankstoMerlWhitebook,Troop1,Tulsa,Okla.

TheFiringSquad

Afiringsquadlinesupwithaprisoner.Theleaderofthefiringsquadcallsout"Ready...Aim..."Theprisonershouts,"Tornado!"Thesoldiersallrunforcoverandtheprisonerescapes.ASecondprisonerisbroughtout,theleadercallsout"Ready...Aim..>"andtheprisonershouts,"Landslide!",thefiringsquadrunsforcoverandtheprisonerescapesagain.Repeatthisforothernaturaldisasters.Thelastprisonerisbroughtoutandhavingseentheotherprisonersescapedecidestodothesamethingexceptheyells"Fire"andthefiringsquaddoes.

Version2:

Probablytakenfrom"YouCan'tDoThatonTelevision."

Cast:Riflesquad,Commander,Persontobeexecuted

Setting:Jail

Personabouttoexecutedisstandingatpole,doingacrosswordpuzzle.

Commander:Ready,aim...Whatareyoudoing?

Person:Thecrosswordpuzzlefromtoday'sNewYorkTimes.Arealtoughone.

Commander:DidyouknowI'mabouttohaveyouexecuted?

Person:Sure.Here...afourletterwordmeaningburning...Hmm...Doyouhaveanyidea?

Commander:Fourletters--burning--(takespuzzle,walksinfrontofpole,personsneaksaway)--F-I-R-E!

personsneaksaway)--F-I-R-E!

FIRE!Itfits!

Firingsquadshootsandhebucklesoverwithoneofthoseknowinglooksonhisface.

FishMarket

Twopeople,oneafishermanandtheotherafishmarketmanagercomeonstageandholdalongcordbetweenthem.Thefishmarketmanattemptstocallthefishermanonthetelephonetoseeifhehasanyfishtoday,thefishermanactsasifhecan'thearhim.VolunteersarebroughtoutoftheaudienceandholdthecordbetweenthefishmarketmanandthefishermanoneortwoatatimewiththemarketmanattemptingtocalleachTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--26--

January1997

time.Whenseveralpeopleareholdingtheline,themarketmanisabletocommunicatewiththefisherman.Thefishermansaysthathedoesn'thaveanytroutbuthedoeshavealotofsuckershangingonalineshowingthelinethevolunteersareholdingup.

Fishin'

Centerstageisaladfishingfromabillycanorbucket,hekeepspullingtherodasthoughhehassomethingontheline.Apasserbylooksathimashewalksbyandthenwalkson,afterafewstepsthepasserbycomesbacktothelad.

Passerby:"Whatareyoudoingtherethen?"

Fisher:"I'mfishing,whatdoesitlookasthoughI'mdoing?"

Passerby:"Fishingeh!,whatareyoufishingfor."

Fisher:"I'mfishingforsuckers."

Passerby:"Haveyoucaughtany?"

Fisher:"Yesyou'rethethirdtoday"

Fisher:"Yesyou'rethethirdtoday"

Fishing

(Thesceneopenswiththetwoplayersrowinganimaginaryboat.)

Andrew:Whew!Itsureisalongwayouthere.

Robert:Yep.(putshandtoeyes)Ican'tseetheshoreanymore.Readytostartfishing?

Andrew:Ithinkso.Lookslikeagoodspottome.

(Bothreadyimaginaryrods,reels,hooks,worms,etc.,andstartfishing.Immediatelytheybothstarttocatchfish,recastandcatchmore.Continueforseveralcasts.)Andrew:Itoldyouthiswouldbeagoodspot.

Robert:Sureis,theboat'sfull.Guesswehaveourlimit..Bettergetback.

Andrew:O.K.(getsoarsready)

Robert:Didyouuseamaptogethere?

Andrew:Nope.

Robert:Howareweevergonnafindourwaybacktomorrow?

Andrew:Oh,that'seasy.I'lljustmarkthespotwithabigXrighthereonthesideoftheboat!(makesmark-

bothrowawayquickly)

FishingonaParkBench

Threeguysaresittingonaparkbench.Gooberisquietlyreading,Gomerispretendingtoswiminalake(jumpsoffbenchandswimsaround).Gopherispretendingtobefishing,reelingfishafterfish.Policemancomesinandwatchesthem.PolicemanasksGooberifheknowstheothertwomen.Goobersaystheyarehisfriends.

ThepolicemanthinksGooberoughttotakecareofhisfriends.Goobersaysokayandaskstheotherstoclimbintohisboat.ThepolicemanaskGooberwhatheis

andaskstheotherstoclimbintohisboat.ThepolicemanaskGooberwhatheisdoing:Goobersays:"Somebodyhastorowtheboat"pretendstorowoffstage(thepolicemanstaringafterthem,shakinghisheadindisbelief).

FishingSuccess

Fiveorsixfishermensitontheendofthedock(chairs),castingandwindingintheirlines.Onefishermaniscatchingallthefish:theothershavenoluck.Inturn,theunluckyonesaskthesuccessfulfishermanwhyhe'sdoingsowell.Eachtime,hemumblesareplywithoutopeninghismouth,andnobodycantellwhatheissaying.

Theotherfishermangetmoreirritated.Aftereachquestion,thefishermancatchesanotherfish,biggerthanthelast.(hamthisup)Theothergripeandprotest.Whenthelastpersonasksthequestion,thesuccessfulfishermansighs,spitsintohishand,andsays,"Youhavetokeepthewormswarm."

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

TheFishingTrip

Cast:4to8CubScouts.

Props:Fishinggear,asmallrowboatorcardboardsilhouetteofaboat,andasignthatsays"boatdock".

Setting:Thescenestartswiththeboatabout10feetawayfromtheboatdock.TheCubScoutsandtheirDenChiefareontheirwaytogofishing.ThefirstCubstopsatthedockthenwalksoutacrossthewaterandgetsintheboat.

Boy2:Heywaitforme!(hewalksouttotheboat)

DenChief:Ohwell...(stepsintothewaterandpretendstofallinanddragshimselfbacktoshore)Boy3:Heywaitup.HereIcome(walksouttotheboat)TheDenChieftriesandfailsagain.ThesequencecontinuesuntilalltheboysareintheboatandonlytheDenChiefremainsonshore.Finally,oneoftheCub

intheboatandonlytheDenChiefremainsonshore.Finally,oneoftheCubScoutssays:"Shouldwetellhimwheretherocksare?"

Flasher

Onememberseemstobewearingnothingbutanovercoatinfrontofthecampfire.Aseachscoutapproachedhim,hewould(withhisbackturnedtotheaudience)flashthe"innocent"bystander.Eachtimethatheflashed,thepersonwouldeitherbefrightenedofforelserolldownahillinuncontrolledhysterics.Afterhisthirdvictimheturnedtothecrowdandasked"Heywhat'sthedeal?"Revealingthathewaswearingshortswithaletter-sizedphotocopyofthefaceoftheleader,campdirectororthelike.Onceagainshowingthatit'snotalwayssohottobepopularFlea

Boysstandinginaline,firstboyscratches,thensecondondowntheline,lastboyfeelsitandsays"OhthereyouareMarvin,I'vebeenlookingalloverforyou.You'vegottostophoppingaround,Marvin(boyactsasthoughMarvinhashoppedaway)youcomebackhere.(goesoutintotheaudiencelookingandtouchingpeople)ThereyouareMarvin,you'vegottostayhere(looksatpretendspeck)Heyyouaren'tMarvin,(putsitbackintotheaudience)OhMarvinwhereareyou?

TheFleaCircus

Characters:Ringmaster,CubScoutsinUniform(anynumber).

RINGMASTER:LadiesandGentlemen,weareproudtointroducetheDen_____FleaCircus.WewillnowpresentHugo,whowillwalkthetightrope.Whenhereachesthecenter,hewillturnadoublesomersault.Maywehavesilence,please?

[TwoCubsstretchastring.ThirdCubplaces"flea"onthestring.Cubsfollowmovementoffleawithexaggeratedheadmovements,asitwalkstothecenterofthestring,andturnsthesomersault.Oneboywithhismouthopengetstooclosetothestringandgulpsasifhehadswalloweda"flea".)FIRSTCUB:[Putshandovermouth,gulpsloudly.]IswallowedHugo![Beginstocryandleavesstage.]

RINGMASTER:Err...uh...well...Onwiththeshow.Ournextactisabouttobegin.Homerwilljumpfromthisboy'shandintoadishofwater.Keepinmindthesizeofthistinyfellow.

[Boymakesmotionoftossing"flea"intodish,thenretrieveshiminhand.]

[Boymakesmotionoftossing"flea"intodish,thenretrieveshiminhand.]

RINGMASTER:Welldone,Homer.Givethelittleguyabighand.

[Boyclapsquickly,forgettingHomer...looksshocked,andslowlypartshands,sobsandrunsoffstage.

RINGMASTER:Toobad.Butwemustcomposeourselves.OurnextfabulousactfeaturesHector,theweightliftingFlea.Hectoristhestrongestfleaintheworld.Thatrockmaynotseemlargetoyou,butthinkofhowsmallHectoris...comparehissizetothesizeofthisrock.

[BoyputsHectorontable,proudlypointstohim,flexesmuscles,andpointstoHectoragain.]

RINGMASTER:[Toboy]Holdupthatrocksotheaudiencecangetabetterlookatit.

[Boyholdsuprockinonehandforaudiencetosee...thenplopsrockbackdownontablewithoutlooking.

LooksaroundforHector,picksuprockandfindssmashedHector.]

BOY:Hector!Hector![Sobs,hangshead,andleavesstage.]

RINGMASTER:Weseemtobehavingabitofhardluck.Buttheshowmustgoon.InowintroduceHarry,thebare-backridingflea.

[Boyremovesshirt,thenpretendstoplace"flea"onhisbareback,thenrunsoffstageyelling.]

BOY:Hangon,Harry![Looksovershoulderwhilerunningoffstage.]

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

RINGMASTER:[Relieved.]Hemadeit!AndnowHiramandHillarywill

RINGMASTER:[Relieved.]Hemadeit!AndnowHiramandHillarywillperformtheirworldfamoustrapezeact.HillarywillmakeatriplesomersaultandHiramwillcatchher.

[Boysholduptrapezemadeofsodastrawswithastringthroughthem.Twoboyseachholdone.Thirdboyplaces"flea"ontrapezeandbegintoswingit.]

RINGMASTER:Theretheygo!Watchthemswing!Hillaryletsgo,she'sturningasomersault.One,two,three,andHiramcatch..er..missesher!

[BoysbeginlookingforHillaryonthefloor.]

BOY:Theresheis!Pointstofloornearsecondboy.]

SECONDBOY:Where?[Takesastepwhereotherboypointed.]

BOY:Youjuststeppedonher!Ohwell,sheneededmorepractice,anyway.Say,[toRingmaster]wehaveanotherfleaactforyou.He'samaneatingflea![Opensbox]Oops,hegotaway!

[Ringmasterbeginstoscratchfrantically,yellshelpseveraltimes,andrunsoffstage.(Preferablyintoaudience.;))

BOYS:[Chasinghim]Hey!Bringbackourflea!Wewantourflea!

[Curtain]

--FromtheTheodoreRooseveltCouncil1989PowwowBook.ThankstoChuckBramlet,ASMTroop323,ThunderbirdDistrict,GrandCanyonCouncil,Phoenix,AzFloratheFlea

Cast:Performer

TheperformerisputtinghistrainedfleaFlorathroughallhertricks,explainingallhertricksasshedoesthem.

Hiseyesfolloweveryflip,jump,etc.assheperformsandlandsbackinhishand.Theheaskshertojumptotheceiling.Hiseyesloseherandshedoesn'treturn.Helookshighandlow(perhapswiththehelpofafriend)butcan'tfindher.Finallyhelooksinsomeone'shair.

Performer:(Delighted)Flora!Thereyouare!I'msogladtohaveyouback.

Performer:(Delighted)Flora!Thereyouare!I'msogladtohaveyouback.(looksmoreclosely.)Butsay...

thisisn'tFlora!

AlternateEnding...whenFlorahasdoneallhertricks,

Performer:Let'shearabigroundofapplauseforFlora!(Beginstoclap,thenstops,horrified,realizingwhathe'sdone.)

FlyintheSoup

Customer:Waiter,waiter,there'saflyinmysoup!

Waiter:(Enters,verysnooty,peeringintothesoup)Oh,yes,youarerightsir.Thatwillbeanextra25centsforthemeat.

Customer:Butwaiter,he'sswimmingalloverthetop!

Waiter:(Stillsnooty)Youareright,sir.Itdoesn'tknowit'safly,sir.It'sdoingtheButterflystroke.

Customer:Well,IthinkitmustbeanAustralian!

Waiter:Whydoyousaythatsir?

Customer:BECAUSEIT'SDOWNUNDERNOW!

FlyingHigh

BoysonaflighttoGermanyorotherdestination.Theyactupandreallygivethestewardessorsteward(denleader,11yearoldpatrolleaderetc.)ahardtime.Finally,oneofthembumpsintoher/himandknocksatrayonhim/her.Thesteward/stewardesssmilesandsays,"Whydon'tyouboysjustrunoutsideandplay."

FlyintheSoup

Customer:Waiter,waiter,there'saflyinmysoup!

Waiter:(Enters,verysnooty,peeringintothesoup)Oh,yes,youarerightsir.Thatwillbeanextra25centsforthemeat.

Thatwillbeanextra25centsforthemeat.

Customer:Butwaiter,he'sswimmingalloverthetop!

Waiter:(Stillsnooty)Youareright,sir.Itdoesn'tknowit'safly,sir.It'sdoingtheButterflystroke.

Customer:Well,IthinkitmustbeanAustralian!

Waiter:Whydoyousaythatsir?

Customer:BECAUSEIT'SDOWNUNDERNOW!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Food,Water&MirrorontheSahara

Aneasy2-personskitifyouhaveonlyonepersonwho'sthirsty.

Cast:2or3People,cupofwater,combs,Narrator

Setting:SaharaDesert

Narrator:Herearesomepoor,thirstymenonthedesertwho'vebeenstrandedonthedesertfordays.Let'swatch.

Twoorthreepeoplearecrawling,callingoutforwater.Timetoreallyhamitup.Finally,theyseethecupofwaterandstaggerforit,reachingout.Finally,theygettothewaterand,People:Ahhhh!(Relieved--theytakeoutcombs,diptheminwaterandbegintocombhair.)TheFortuneTellerThisisacampfireskit.Youcanplanitcarefullyifyouwant.Ifyouhaveagoodspontaneousactor,hemightbeabletoad-libresponsestoeachobjectpresentedtohim,withoutadvanceplanning.TheAnnouncershouldalwaystelltheaudiencewhatobjectisgiventotheFortuneTeller,becausetheyusuallywillnotbeabletoseeclearly.

TheSkit

Asmalltentissetup,withanoldladysittinginfrontofit.ThiscanbeaScoutwrappedupinablanket,whospeakswithanoldlady'svoice.AnAnnouncerintroducesherasaveryaccuratetelleroffortuneswhocanpredictaperson'sfuturebytouchinganythingbelongingtotheperson.

TheAnnouncercallsupaseriesofScouts.HeasksthefirstScoutwhathehasbrought,andtheScoutproducesapencil.TheAnnouncerhandsthepenciltotheFortuneTellerandaskshertotellthefutureoftheowner.TheFortuneTellerwavesherhandsandmumblessomewordsandthenpredictsthattheownerwillbecomeawriter.

Thesceneisrepeated.AScoutproducesacombfromhispocket,andtheFortuneTellerpredictsthathewillbecomeahairdresser.AthirdScouthasadollar,andshepredictsthathewillbecomeasuccessfulbanker.

Afterseveralofthese,theScapegoatissummonedfromtheaudience.TheannounceraskswhathehastoshowtheFortuneTeller.NomatterwhattheScapegoatsuggests,theAnnouncersaysitisnotgoodenough.

Eitherithasbeendonebefore,oritistooeasy,or"That'snofun!",oranyotherreason.Finally,theAnnouncersuggeststhattheScapegoattryhisshoe,andmakeshimtakeitoff.

TheshoeishandedtotheFortuneteller,whorepeatshermumbojumbo.(IftheFortuneTellerisagoodpantomime,thisisawonderfulopportunitytomakefaces,holdhernose,etc.)Shethenannounces,"Youwilltakealongwalkinthewoods!"Shethrowstheshoefarintothewoods.

FourLeafClover

Apersonfindsafourleafclover.Hefeelssurethatitwillbringhimgoodluck.Anotherpersonrunsintohim.

Theyaccuseeachotherofrunningintoeachother.Theystarthittingeachother.Apolicemancomesalong,theotherguyaccusestheluckyperson.Theluckypersonishauledofftojail.Theluckypersonreappears,disgruntledandunhappy.Garbageisdumpedonhimashewalksalongandgetsfinedbyapolicemanforlittering.Theluckymanthrowsawaythefourleafclover.Anotherfindsit.Theformerluckymancomesbackonstage.Thepersonwhofoundthe

findsit.Theformerluckymancomesbackonstage.Thepersonwhofoundthefourleafrunsonstagesayinghejustwonamilliondollarsandhasgoodlucksincehefoundit.Theformerluckymanslumpsdown,groans,andbeginstocry.

TheFourSeasons

Thenarratornarrates,everyoneelseisvolunteers.

"Ineedelevenvolunteersforthisskit."

"ThisskitiscalledtheFourSeasons.Youthreearetrees.Youthreeareleavesintrees,getupinthetrees.

You'repoisonivy,clingtotherootsofoneofthetrees.You'retree'sblood,yourunthroughthetrees.Youtwoarebirds,flitfromtreetotreeandsing.Andyou'rethebabblingbrook.Youhavetobabble."

"Babblebabblebabblebabble..."

"Inthespring,theleavescomeoutonthetrees.Thebirdsflitfromtreetotree."

"Inthesummer,theleavesopenupandthesunshinesdownontheforest.Thebirdsformflocks"

"Inthefall,theleavesdropfromthetrees.Thebirdsflyawaysouth."

"Inthewinter,thebrookfreezesandstopsbabbling.Allseemsstillintheforest.Butbeneathitallthereisstilllife.Look!Thesapisstillrunning!"

--ThankstoBobJenkins

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

FredtheTrainedFlea

"HereinmyhandisFredtheTrainedFlea.Fredwillperformforyousome

"HereinmyhandisFredtheTrainedFlea.Fredwillperformforyousomeamazingfeats.Watchclosely."

"Fred,dojumpingjacks!Verygood!Cheer,everyone!"

"Fred,doasomersault!"

"Fred,doahighjump!"Watchhimgowayup,thenbackdown.

"NowFredwilldoalongjump.IneedavolunteertocatchFred."Pickascoutmaster,orsomeoneinauthority.

"Fred,doalongjump!"WatchFredjumptothevolunteer"Oh!Heseemstohavejumpedintoyourhair!"

Walkovertothevolunteer,startpickingthroughtheirhair."Hereweare..no,that'snotFred."tossthefleaoveryourshoulder"Ah!No,that'snotFred.""That'snotFred.""Fred,areyouinthere?""That'snotFredeither."

"Boy,there'salotoffleasinhere.""Fred?Fred?"...

--ThankstoBobJenkins

FriendsofYears

Threeguysaresittingonaparkbench.Gooberisquietlyreading,Gomerispretendingtoswiminalake(jumpsoffbenchandswimsaround).Gopherispretendingtobefishing,reelingfishafterfish.Policemancomesinandwatchesthem.PolicemanasksGooberifheknowstheothertwomen.Goobersaystheyarehisfriends.

ThepolicemanthinksGooberoughttotakecareofhisfriends.Goobersaysokayandaskstheotherstoclimbintohisboat.Gooberpretendstorowoffstage(thepolicemanstaringafterthem,shakinghisheadindisbelief).

TheFrightenedHunter

Cast:Storyteller,hunter,gamewarden

Thestorytellertellsthestory,whilethehunterpantomimesthestoryandhisactions.Thegamewardencomesinoncue.

StoryTeller:Thereoncewasthishunterwhowashuntingforseveralyearsinthesamelocation.Everyyear,hewouldseeadeergrazingontheedgeofacliff,whichwasjustoutsidetheallowedhuntingzone.Thedeerwouldnevercomeintothehuntingzone.Nowthiswasaverybigdeer,andwouldhavebeenawonderfulprize.

Butthehunterwasalwaysunsure,anddidn'twanttolosehislicense.Finallyoneyear,thehunterdecidedthathewasgoingtoshootthedeeranyway,ashewasn'thavingmuchluck.Hewentuptothedeer,sawthatitwasdead,andthrewitoverhisrightshoulder,thenputhisgunoverhisleftshoulder.Allofasudden,thegamewardercameuptohim.

GameWarden:Excuseme,sir,Iwasjustwatchingyou.What'sthatoveryourshoulder?

Hunter:(lookingoverleftshoulder)That'smyhuntingrifle.

GameWarden:Andwhat'sthatoveryourothershoulder?

Hunter:(lookingoverrightshoulder,andshakesoffthedeer)AAHHHHHH!

GameShow

Theskitstartsoutwithacoupleofcampers(orscoutsinyourcase)askingforsomevolunteersfromtheaudience(parentswilldoJUSTfine...evilgrin).

Thevolunteersarethenremovedfromtheroombyoneofthescoutsinchargeofthe'GameShow'(thankyouVanna...)

Afterthevolunteershavebeenremoved,the'Game'issetup.Twotables(thefoldingtypeworkVERYwell)arecoveredwithsleepingbagsandballsofvariousdescriptionsareplacedunderbucketsonthesetables,thecatchisthatinbetweenthetwotablesaperson(anotherscoutperhaps)iskneelingwithhisheadunderabuckettoresembletheotherbuckets(ofcoursethisiswellhiddenwithsleepingbags,orsheetsorwhateveryouhavehandy)Thetablesarethenmovedclosetogethertofurtherhidethefactthatthereisanyoneunderthetable,anddon'tforgettocoverthefrontofthetablesothattheparticipant,orvictimasitwere,cannotseeunderthetables.

Bringinthefirstcontestant...

Itisthenthatthe'Game'isdescribedtothecontestant.He/sheistomakehis/herwaydownthelineofbucketspickingupeachbucketandnamingtheballunderthebucket.Givesometimerecordtobebeaten.Thenastheymaketheirwaydownthelineandeventuallypickupthebucketoffofthetableunderwhichthescoutishiding,thescoutshouldyell/screametc.tofurthertheshockvalue.

Bringinthenextcontestant...etc

Thisskitisgenerallyreallyeffectiveandisgoodforafewlaughsifnothingelse.

--ThankstoJamesBrezina

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

GatheringoftheNutsI

Anannouncerasksiftheaudiencewillhelpwiththesquirrel'sharvest.Severalboysdresseduplikesquirrelswithpaperears,tails,andbrownclothesgooutintotheaudiencebringbackpeopleknownfortheircrazybehavior.Theyaregatheredonthestageandtheannouncersaysthatthetitleoftheskitwillbe,"TheGatheringoftheNuts."

GatheringoftheNutsII

Vincent:Iamthefamousartist,VincentVanGoGo.Ihavecomeherethiseveningatgreatexpensetocreateoneofmylivingnaturepaintingswhichwillexpresstheatmosphereofthiscamp!FirstIamgoingtoneedsometrees.(Twotreesareselectedfromtheparticipantsintheaudience,andaredirectedwheretostand.Theywavetheirarmsgently.)Vincent:NowIwillneedsomebirdstotwitteramongthetrees.

(Threebirdsareselectedandtheymovearoundthetreesmakingtwitteringsounds.)Vincent:(Standsbacktoviewscene)Perhapsasuntoshineoneverything.(Atallparticipantstandsonabenchandsmilesbrightly.)Vincent:(Againviewing)It'snotrightyet.Iknow,somerabbitshoppingaround.

(Againviewing)It'snotrightyet.Iknow,somerabbitshoppingaround.(AssistantLeadersarechosenforrabbits)

Vincent:Onelasttouch.Ababblingbrook.Scouter,willyoubethebrook,you'realwaysbabbling?(Thebrooktakeshisplace.)

Vincent:(Turnstoaudience)Thereitis,anotherVincentVanGoGooriginalnaturescene.Icallit"TheGatheringoftheNuts."

TheGeneralStore

Thesceneisageneralstore,withtheStorekeeperbehindthecounter.Thecounteriseasilyrepresentedbyalongtablewithafewitemspiledonit.

BehindtheStorekeeperisacurtain,whichconcealsanotherScout,theStorekeeper'sSon.Hehasafullchangeofclotheswithhim.

TheSkit

TheStorekeeperintroduceshimself.HeexplainsthatthisishisstoreandhisSonhelpshimtorunit.Heisveryproudofhowhardheworkstosatisfyeverycustomer,nomatterwhatthecustomerwants.

Acustomerenters,walksuptothecounter,andasksforahat.TheStorekeeperturnsandcallsout,"HeySon,Ineedahat."Thecurtainmoves,andahandreachesthroughwithahat.Thecustomeradmiresit,andtheyagreeonaprice.Thecustomerpays,putsonthehat,andwalksoutactingpleased.

Othercustomersrepeattheprocessforajacket,ashirt,shoes,socks,andapairofpants.Eachtime,thereismoremovementofthecurtain,andalongerdelaybeforetheclothingishandedthroughthecurtain.Therearesoundsofgrumbling,andtheStorekeeperremindshissonabouttheircommitmenttosellwhateverthecustomerneeds.

Thelastcustomerwalksinhesitantlyandasksinembarrassedtonesforunderwear.TheStorekeeperdoesnothearhim,andmakeshimrepeatituntileverybodycanhearclearly.Finallyhesays,"Ohofcourse.

Underwear!Son,weneedsomeunderwear."Nothinghappens.

TheStorekeeperrepeatshisrequestseveraltimes,eachtimeemphasizingtheword,"Underwear."Thereisnoanswer.Heapologizestohiscustomerforhis

word,"Underwear."Thereisnoanswer.Heapologizestohiscustomerforhislazyson,andsayshewillgettheunderwearhimself.Hestompsoffbehindthecurtain.

Thecurtainshakes,andwehear,"No,Pa!No,Pa!No!"TheSonrunsthroughthecurtainandacrossthestagewearingonlyunderpants.

TheGhostofMidnight

ThisoneissimilartotheGhostWithOneBlackEye,buteachisdifferentenoughtomerittheirowntitle(afterall,goingthroughalloftheskits,you'llrealizethatmanyskitsaresimplevariationsonanother.)Cast:Ghost,FamilyasleepinhouseSetting:HouseatNight

Ghost:(GoinguptoMom,wakesherup--usesscaryghostvoice.)IamtheGhostofMidnight!

Mom:Ahhh!

Ghost:(ToDad--samething.)IamtheGhostofMidnight!

Dad:I'mgettingoutofhere!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Ghost:(Toson.)IamtheGhostofMidnight!

Son:Help!Mommy!

Ghost:(Todaughter.)IamtheGhostofMidnight!

Daughter:(Looksatwatch.)Aww,shutup!It'sonly11:45!

GhostWithOneBlackEye

Cast:Ghost,3Pedestrians

Cast:Ghost,3Pedestrians

Setting:CityStreet

#1:(Bendsover;picksupcoin.)Wow!Aloony!

Ghost:(Comesout;scaryvoice.)IamtheGhostwithoneblackeye!

(#1scared;dropsloony;runsaway)

#2:(Bendsover;picksupcoin.)Wow!Adollar!

Ghost:(comesout)IamtheGhostwithoneblackeye!

(#2scared;dropsdollar;runsaway)

#3:(Bendsover;picksupcoin.)Wow!Money!

Ghost:(Comesout.)IamtheGhostwithoneblackeye!

#3:Keepitup,andyou'llgetanother!

Ghostcatchers

Twoguysstartaghostcatchingbusiness.Theygotothishouseandcan'tgetridoftheghost.Theghostfinallyleavesbecauseoneoftheguyssingsverybadlyandoffkey.Theghostcan'tstanditandleaves.

GiantWorm

Onstageyouhaveaboyconcealedinasleepingbagthatisopenonbothends,heistheGiantworm.

Several"hikers"happenupontheworm.Thehikersareeatingandcarryingwiththemasupplyofcandybars.

Theylookateachotherinamazementaskeachother"Iwonderwhatheeats"Thehikersholdsomecandybarsnearthemouthoftheworm.Thewormgobblesupthecandybarswrappersandall.Thenthewormquicklydiscardsemptywrappersformtheotherend.(stuffhappens).Thehikersrunaway.Anothergroupofhikerscomesalongdrinkingsoftdrinksandrepeatstheroutine.Thethirdgroupcomesalongwithnothingtoeatordrink.thisgroup

routine.Thethirdgroupcomesalongwithnothingtoeatordrink.thisgroupshouldhaveyoursmallestscout.thisgroupalsoponderswhatthisgiantwormwouldet.Atthatmomentthewormgobblesthesmallestscout.Thendiscardsapairofpantsandshirtouttheotherend.Thewormwalksoffwiththeeatenscoutunderthesleepingbag.Thehikersrunaway.

GlassofWater

Thereisaglassofwaterinthemiddleofthestage.Firstscoutcrawlsacrossthefloorcryingforwater.Hediesdramaticallyshortlyafterbeginninghiscrawl.Thesecondpersondiesjustshortoftheglassofwater.Thethirdpersononhislastbitofstrengthreallyhamsuphisdesperationasmuchashecan.Hereachesthewater,takesoutacomb,groomshishairwiththewater,sighswithreliefandgoesoffstage.

GoCart

(Oneparticipantisonhandsandkneesasthe'GoCart')

Driver:Oh,thisfoolGoCartisalwaysgivingmetrouble!Nowthefrontwheelhascomeoff.(Selectsmemberofaudience)Wouldyoucomeoverandgivemeahand.Thanks.(Selectedpersonmayhavesomecommentstorespondto-thentheyareledtothecart.)Driver:Here,ifyouwouldjustbethewheelIneed.That'sright,getdownonyourhandsandkneesupthereandbethefrontwheel.Nowletmetryitagain.(Drivergetsoncar,triestostartitup.)GoCart:(Makessputteringnoises,starts,movesforward,thensagsandsputtersout.)Driver:Nowwhatisit?(Drivermovestorear,liftscart,letsgoandcartsagsagain.)Driver:Nowthatoldsuspensionhasgone,Ineedmorehelp.(Selectssomeoneelse)Pleasecomeoverhereandbethesuspension.That'sright,justholdthebackendupthere.NowI'lltryitagain.(Getsoncar,startsengine.)TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

GoCart:(Sputterstolife,movesforward,wobbles,andstops)

Driver:(Gettingoff)Oh,no.Nowtherearwheelisloose.I'llgoandgetmorehelp.(Selectsmorehelp)(Newhelpispositionedatrearwheel.)Driver:This

help.(Selectsmorehelp)(Newhelpispositionedatrearwheel.)Driver:Thiswheelisloose.Ifyouwilljustholdthewheel(indicatesleg)tightlysoitdoesn'tfalloff,you'llbeabighelp.Thanks.(Drivergetsoncart,startsengine)GoCart:(Startsup,runsfine,movesforward)

Driver:(Brakingtohalt)Oh,that'sperfectnow!AllIneededwasafewNUTStogetitgoing!

GoneFishin'

Threeboyssittingonabenchorchairsinthefrontoftheroom.Thetwoboysonoutsidehavefishingpoles,theoneinthemiddleisreadinganewspaper.Boyswithlinesactliketheyarefishing.

Cub1:Surehaven'tbeencatchingmuch.

Cub3:Ihaven'tevenhadanibble.

Policeman:(walksonfromoffstage.)Whatareyouguysdoing?

Cub1:Fishing,sir.

Policeman:Can'tyoutellthisisapackmeeting?

Cub3:No,it'sapond!

Policeman:(nudgesmanwithpaperandhelowersit)Doyouknowthesetwocharacters?

Cub2:(foldsnewspaper)Sure,theyaremyfriends.

Policeman:Inthatcase,you'dbettergetthemoutofhere.

Cub2:Yes,sir.(reachingbehindchair,picksupapaddleandactsasifheispaddlingaway.)TheGoodSamaritan

AScoutwalksoutfrombackstage,stumbles,andfallsonhisface.Hestrugglesnoisilytogetup,butkeepshisforeheadonthefloor.Hesometimessucceedsingettingintoapositionwithhisfeetandhisforeheadonthefloor,andhisbuttintheair.Herotatesinthisposition,keepinghisforeheadinoneplace.Hecallsforhelpforhelp,repeating"Myforeheadisstuck!"

Ashestruggles,otherScoutswalkcasuallypast.Theyignorehim,orlookwithcuriosity,buttheydonothelp.

Finally,aScoutcomesrunningupandheavesthevictimtohisfeet.Thevictimiseffusivelygrateful,buttherescuerjustlooksathisface.Hereachesout,pluckssomethingfromthevictim'sforehead,andpopsitintohismouth."Thanks,"hesays,"IknewI'dlostmygumsomewherearoundhere!"

GoodSoup

Props:alargepot,severalspoons,andafloormop.Achef'shatwouldalsobeuseful.

Announcer:ThisscenetakesplaceinthecampDiningHall.

(Severalboysareseatedaroundalargepot,samplingtheimaginarycontentswiththespoons.)Scott:Boy,thisissuregoodsoup.

Brad:Yep,it'sgotREALflavor.

David:Sureis,whyit'sevenbetterthanmyMommakes.

Matthew:Ohyeah.It'sthebestfoodI'veeatenatcampallweek.

Cook:(Enterswavingfloormopandshouting)Heyyouguys!Getoutofmymopwater!!!

Version2:

KnownbythesametitleintheLeaderMagazine.

Cast:ThreeorfourCubsorScouts,Cook,Tub

Setting:Kitchen

#1:(Overtub,tastingcontents)GoodSoup!

#2:Yeah,GoodSoup!

#3:Iknow!GoodSoup!

#4:Nonebetterthanthis!GoodSoup!

#4:Nonebetterthanthis!GoodSoup!

Cook:(Comesrunningin)Getoutofmydishwater!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Granny!WakeUp!

Cast:Grandson,Granny(2people),Volunteer,Victim,campfireblanket(s)Setting:InGranny'sRoom

Grannyisinbed(sayonthefloor,)andofcourseiscoveredwithblankets.Yourtwogranniesliedownontheirbacks,asclosetogetheraspossible,withheadsinoppositedirections.Theheadofoneisexposed,theotherbeingcoveredandwhereGranny's"feet"are.

TrytofigureoutawaytosetuptheaudiencesuchthatitseemsliketherightwaytobeaddressingGranny,suchasHerbeingafraidofgettinganyworseandwantingtobecompletelycovereduptoavoidgettingcold.

Grandson:(ToGranny)Granny!WakeUp!It'stimeforyourpill!(Pause--noresponse.)Granny!WakeUp!Ohno!Shemaybedead!(Hamitup,boys!)Mygosh,I'llneedsomehelp!(Getvolunteer.)HelpmewakeGranny!

Bothofthem:Granny!WakeUP!WakeUp!

Grandson:Oh,whateverwillwedo?Sheneedstotakethatpill!Ithinkweneedmorehelp!(Getvictim.)Willyouhelpus?JustcalloutwithustowakeupGranny.

Allofthem:GRANNY!WAKEUP!WAKEUP!

Grandson:Maybeifyoustandoverherandaskherforasignthatshe'sstillalive.

Victim:OK.(Standsoverher)Granny!WakeUp!Please!Givemeasign!

Victim:OK.(Standsoverher)Granny!WakeUp!Please!Givemeasign!

Granny's"backend"risesupandhitshimonthebehind.

Granny'sCandyStore

Paintaverbalpictureofthevariousscoutsactingasacashregister(personsaysching,ching),popcornmachine(goespop,pop),door(personholdsarmshorizontal,swingingsayingcreak,creak),tree,chair,etc.

Havethreeguysstandingtherewithnopartstoplay.Haveseveralscoutscomeinoneatatime,ascustomers.

TheyaskGrannyforvariousitemsofcandy;licorice,gum,etc.Finallydisgusted,acustomeraskswhatshedoeshave,andshesaysallshehasleftisthesethreesuckersstandinginthecorner.

TheGreatestSpitterintheWorld

Another2-personskityoucanplugin.

Cast:GSITW,Partnerwithmetalpot(withabitofwaterinit)andapebbleSetting:Boardwalk,Circus,AmusementPark

SeparateGSITWandpartnerbyabout15feet.

Partner:LadiesandGentlemen!MayIpresenttoyoutheGreatestSpitterintheWorld!Hedoesallkindsoftrickswithamerespit!Lethimshowyouthesimplespitfirst!

GSITWsendsoffaregularspit,whichiscaughtinthepotbythepartner.Whenit'ssupposedtoland,hehitsthebottomofthepotwithasecretpebbleheholdsinhishand.

Partner:LadiesandGents!Thatisnotallhecando!Watchhisfastball!

Again,anotherspitwhichimmediately"lands"inthepot.Continuewithtricks,suchasslowspit,highspit,roundtheworldspit(inwhichcaseeachturnsaround,backsfacingeachother,andthespittakesawhiletocomearoundbutindeeddoes,)curvespit,andsoon.Finally,Partner:Nowforhislastspit!It'sareallydifficultspitbutwethinkwehaveit!It'sahigh,quadrupleaxle,curvy,springjumpspit!Wemusthaveabsolutesilenceforthisone!

springjumpspit!Wemusthaveabsolutesilenceforthisone!

GSITWspitsup,partnerfollowsitup,doing4spins,itcurvessidetoside,beginstojumpupanddowninair,thenheseemstoloseit...no,thereitis...hegoessidetoside,tryingtocatchit,hetripsandspillsthewateronthecrowd.

Grease

Boy1:TonightwearegoingtobetalkingaboutancientGreece.

(Boy2walksonstagecarryingacanofCrisco.)

Boy1:No,no;notthatkindofgrease.YouknowGreece,theplace.

Boy2:Ohyeah,that'sinbackofthecafeteria.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--35--

January1997

GreenSideUp!GreenSideUp!

Characters:ABuildingContractor,ACouple(ifladyisn'tavailable,changescanbemadeforoneperson)Contractor(insidehouse):Okay,weneedacolorforthewallinthelivingroom.(walkstospacethatislivingroom).

Wife:Ilikewhite.

Husband:No,howaboutblue?

Wife:How'bouttan?

Husband:Okay.

Contractor:Okay...(writesdownonpaper)um..waitjustasecond.Thecontractorgoestothewindowlooksout,heopensthewindowleansoutandshouts,"Greensideup!"

Thisrepeatsfortwomorerooms.EachtimeaftertheContractorsays"GreenSideUp",coupleconversesbetweenthemselvesandarenotsureaboutthesanityofthecontractor.

Afterthelastroom:

Husband:Mr.(whateveryouwanthisnametobe),whydoyoukeepyelling"GreenSideUp!"outsidethewindow?Wedidn'torderanygreenwallpaper!?!

Contractor:Oh.Iamsorryfolks.BoyscouttroopisbeingleadbyScoutMasterandwejustwanttomakesurethesodgetslaiddownright.--

--ThankstoJoshSmall

TheGreyhoundBus

Cast:ShopperwithaBIGpackagehigherthanhishead,Pedestrian,PeoplewhoareCarsandOneBusSetting:BusyIntersection

Carsandtruckswhizbyanddon'tstopforpedestrians.

Shopper:Excuseme,Sir,couldyoutellmewhenthere'snothingcomingdownthestreet,sothatImaycross?

Pedestrian:Sure.(Pausesuntilcarsstopwhizzingby.Busbeginscomingdownthestreet.)Nowyoucancross.There'sonlyadogcoming.(Hebeginstocross;bushitshim.)NewSetting:HospitalWardPedestrian:(Toshopperinbed)Gee,I'mreallysorryaboutwhathappenedtoyou.

Shopper:It'sallright.Thesethingshappenonceinawhile.Buttellme,whydidyousaytherewasadogcomingdownthestreetwhenitwasreallyabus?

Pedestrian:Well,itwasaGreyhound!

TheGrowingMachine

Thecardboardboxneedstobelargeenoughtoholdoneoftheplayersandvariousprops."Load"itandpushitonstage,whereanarratorexplainsthatthismarvelousmachinehasbeeninventedbytonight'sguest,Professor...,whowilldemonstrateitstremendouspowers.Heintroducestheprofessor,whoenterscarryingabagofhisprops.

carryingabagofhisprops.

Theprofessorexplainshehasinventedawonderfulmachinethatmakesthingsgrow.Heproceedstodemonstrate.Hepullsasmallpieceofpaperfromhissack,pushesbuttons,etc.,andthrowsinthepieceofpaper(soundeffects,flashinglights).Theplayerinsidethrowsoutapaperbackbook.Thedemonstrationcontinueswithsmallballin,largeballout;pieceofstringin,hunkofropeout;etc.Finally,theprofessorthrowsinababydoll.Theplayerinsidejumpsoutinbabyclothes,cries"Daddy!",andchaseshimoffstage.

--ThankstotheLeaderMagazine,May1989

TheHairCutMachine

Thecardboardboxneedstobelargeenoughforaplayertopokeinhishead.Facetheopeningawayfromtheaudience.Setupastripedpoleanduseafewotherbarbershopprops.The"customer"wearsatightfittinglight-coloredbathingcaptohidehishairand,overthecap,alongscragglywigloose-fittingenoughthathecanshakeitoffwhenheneedstobutwellenoughanchoredthatitwon'tflyofftooearly.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--36--

January1997

Barberisonstage.Customerentersandasksforahaircut.Barbercheckshimout,announceshethinksthisisajobforhisbrandnewhaircutmachine,andconvincesthecustomertotryit.Customerstickshisheadintothebackoftheboxandbarberturnsiton(soundeffects).Customeryells,flails,flopsandgoesthroughincrediblecontortions,shakingoffthewigintheprocess.Barber,unperturbed,turnsoffthemachine.Customerpullsout"bald"headandracesscreamingoffstage.

--ThankstotheLeaderMagazine,May1989

HairyHamburger

Amansitsdowninarestaurantandordersahamburger.Thewaiterbringouthis

Amansitsdowninarestaurantandordersahamburger.Thewaiterbringouthishamburger.Themanstartseatinghishamburgerandfindsahairinit;complainstowaiterandanotheroneisbroughtout.Thesecondhamburgerhasahairinitandistakenback.Thethirdhamburgeralsohasahairinit.Themangetsupsetanddemandstoseethecook.Thecookcomesoutandthemanaskshimhowhemakeshishamburgers.Thecooksaysthatallhedoesisrollthemeatanddemonstratesmakingpattiesbyplacingthemeatunderhisarmandsqueezes.

HarlemGlobetrotters

Threescoutsaredoinglaundry,eachissittingbehindabucketwhichholdshis"laundry".Twoofthebucketsreallyhavewaterandaragortwo.Allthreeworkatscrubbingandwringingwaterfromtheirlaundryforafewseconds.Onesittingontheendshakesthewaterfromhishandsgettinghisneighborslightlywet.Thisprovokesthescoutinthemiddlewhoretaliateswithasplashback...escalateincomedicfashiontilltheoneontheendthrowsawetragatthefaceofthe"scout"inthemiddlewhoducks.Theragsailsontillitsmacksthescoutonthefarend(previouslynotinvolvedinthewaterfight)intheface.Thesmack-eepicksuphisbuckettodumpontheotherswhotakeflightintotheaudience.

ThePunchline:Whentheactorsareinthecrowdthesmack-eetossesthecontentsofhisbucketinawidearcoverasmuchoftheaudienceaspossible.IntheversionIsawthebucketwasfilledwithpiecesofnewspaperbutinaScoutingsettingabucketfullofleaveswouldworkjustawell.Iftheactorshavealittletalentandpracticethiscanbeextremelyfunny.

HaveYouSeenmyBellyButton?

Cast:Dogowner,Passengersonbus,stuffedanimal

Setting:CityBus

Ownergoesaroundonthebusaskingpeopleifthey'veseenhisBellyButton.Someignorehim,womengasp,peoplearehorrified,somerespond,"Thenerveofhim!""Howcrude!""Whatarudeperson!"Finallyhespotsthetoyandexclaims,Person:Ah!BellyButton!Thereyouare,youbaddog!

TheHeartAttack

Cast:HeartAttackVictim,2"Rescuers"

Setting:CityStreet

HAViswalkingdownthestreetandallofasudden,hefallstotheground,holdinghischest.Twomencomeupandseeingthis,theybeginCPR.

#1:Mister!(Clapshands.)Hmm.Checkforbreathing!I'llcheckforapulse!(nothing)WeneedtodoCPR.

GiveAR!

#2:(Doestwobreaths)

#1:(Pumpingchest,countingaloud)1,2,3,4....15!Again!

(Repeats3times;thenchecks;then.)

#1:Okay--checkforbreathing,andI'llcheckforapulse!(Theycheck.)Nothing!Switch!

AllTHREE,includingvictim,switchplaces!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--37--

January1997

Heaven'sGate

Youcangetyourfavoriteleaderorfriendwiththisone.

Need:5ormorescouts(1isanannouncer,1isanAngel).

Announcer:HereweareattheGatesofHeaven.

Scout1:(Walksuptoangelatgate)Hello,IseeI'vecometoHeaven.

Angel:Well,you'renotinyet!Firstyou'vegottotellmehowyousufferedonEarth.

Scout1:Well,Ispentaweekeatingcampfood.

Angel:I'msorry,youhaven'tsufferedenough.(Scout1exitsdejectedly.)Scout2:(Enters)Hi,I'mheretogetintoHeaven.

Angel:Fine,fine.Andhowhaveyousuffered?

Scout2:Iwentonalonghikeandgotblistersallovermyfeet.

Angel:Sorry.That'snotenoughsufferingtogetintoHeaven.(Scout2exits)Scout3:(Enters)CanIgetintoHeaven?

Angel:Howdidyousuffer?

Scout3:I'min(Picksomeone'snamewhocantakeajoke)(troop/pack/six/class,etc.)Angel:Well,comeonin!!

--FromTheU.S.ScoutingServiceProject

Herman,TheTrainedFlea

Thetrainerhasafleavarioustricks,whensuddenlyhelosesHerman,histrainedflea.HesearchesaroundforHerman,callingforhim,eventuallyapersonisbroughtforwardwithafleainhishair.Thepunchlineis,"Thisisn'tHerman!"

HiccupforMe

Aboycomesoutandsayssomethinglike,"Hic-Ican't-Hic-getridoftheseHic-ups".Anotherpersoncomesoutandaskswhatwrong.Heistoldandyells"BOO!"tohelptheboygetridofhishiccups.Itdidn'twork.

Severalmorepeopletryvariousmethodstogetridofthehiccupsandtheyarefail.Lastmethodistriedandseemstowork,butjustasheleavesthestagestartshiccupingagain,sohefallstothefloorindespair.

TheHighestTreeclimberintheWorld

Again,thiscanbea2-personskit.

Cast:2Friends,HTCITW

Setting:Campfire

Setting:Campfire

Treeclimberishiddeninthewoodsandisabletoruffleabushortree.

1:Youknow,theysaythere'sthisreallygoodtreeclimbertryingoutfortheOlympics.Iwonderifhe'spracticingaroundhere?

2:Calloutandsee!

1:Hey!TreeClimber!Youaroundhere?

Climber:Yep!

1:Youpracticing?

Climber:Yep!

1:Howhighareyou?

Climber:Oh,nothigh.About100feet.

1:Wow!Canyougohigher?

Climber:Yep!(Rufflestree.)NowI'matabout200feet.

1:Fantastic!Canyougohigher?

Climber:Yep!(Rufflestree.)NowI'matabout275feet.

1:Neato!Canyougohigher?

Climber:Yep!(Rufflestree.)NowI'matabout325feet.

1:Great!Canyougohigher?

Climber:Yep!(Rufflestree.)NowI'matabout400feet.

1:Gee!I'mamazed!

2:Excuseme,Sir,butIhaveabookherethatsaysthatthehighesttreeintheworldisonly360feethigh!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--38--

January1997

Climber:Ahhhhhh!!!!!!(Thump!)

AHotMeal!

Thisoneisjusttoogross.Don'treadthisonewhileeatinglunch!

Version1:

Cast:3LostCampers

Setting:Woods

#1:Boy,amIhungry!Wehaven'teatenindays!

#2:Metoo.

#3:AndIwouldjustloveahotmeal.

#1:(Lookingtoground)Wow!Arabbit!Jumpit!(#1&2jumpitandcatchit;theystarttoeatit.)

#2:(Lookingbackat#3)Wouldyoulikesome?

#3:Nothanks,I'mwaitingforahotmeal.

#1:Suityourself.

(Alittlelater)

#2:Hey!Asquirrel!Getit!

(#1&2getitandstarttearingitapart)

#1:(To#3)Wouldyoulikeamorsel?

#1:(To#3)Wouldyoulikeamorsel?

#3:Nothanks,I'mwaitingforahotmeal.

(Alittlelater)

#1:Wow!Amoose!

#2:Beveryquiet.(#1&2jumpitandkillit;theystarteatingit)

#1:Look,there'splentyhere,wedon'tneedtokeepitalltoourselves,evenifwedidgetthiswithoutyourhelp.There'stoomuchtoeatanyway.Wantany?

#3:Nothanks,I'mwaitingforahotmeal.

#2:Areyousure?Youhaven'teatenanythingforevenlongerthanustwo.

#3:Nothanks,I'mwaitingforahotmeal.

(Afterawhile,)

#1:Boy,I'mstuffed.

#2:Metoo.ButIthinkI'mgettingsick.(Throwsup.)

#1:I'msick,too.(Throwsup.)

#3:Wow!Ahotmeal!

Version2:

Cast:5People,Cabby

Setting:OutsideofRestaurant

#1:Boy,whatameal.Ireallygorgedmyself.

#2:Metoo.

#3:Eatingthatmuchmakesithardtowalk.Let'sgetacab.

#4:Agreed.

#5:Taxi!

(Theyallgetin.)

Cabby:Getreadyforagoodride,boys.

Thecabbypantomimesdriving,goingalonglikearacedriver,swervingfromsidetoside,upanddownhills,doesarealrollercoasterride.Sortoflikemydriving,ifyou'veexperiencedit.Thepeopleswervelefttorightwiththedriver,allhangingontodearlifeandlunch,untiltheyallthrowup.

Cabby:Wow!Afivecoursemeal!

HowdoIdoThat?

Thereareroughly255quintillionquazillionvariationsofthisskitoutonthemarket,includingrobbers,suicidepills,carcrashesandsoon.Youmaymorecommonlyknowthisoneas"VeechBoton?"I'llgiveyoutheversionITheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--39--

January1997

learnedandtheonlynon-rancidversionI'veseenyet.[Thisisalsosimilarto"SubmarinePatrol"hereintheBigBook.]

Version1:

Cast:5Guyskneelinginline(1stiscaptain,lastisdummy)

Setting:Submarine

Captain:(Lookingthroughperiscope)Aimtorpedo1!

2:Aimtorpedo1!

3:Aimtorpedo1!

4:Aimtorpedo1!

5:HowdoIdothat?

5:HowdoIdothat?

4:HowdoIdothat?

3:HowdoIdothat?

2:HowdoIdothat?

Captain:Withbutton1!

Andsoondowntheline.

5:Oh!(Pressesbutton1.)(Poof!)

Captain:Ahch!Wemissed!

Andsoondowntheline.

Captain:Firetorpedo2!

Andsoondowntheline,afterwhichis,"HowdoIdothat?""Withbutton2!"ondowntheline.Continuedownthroughtotorpedo4(or5orhowevermany,)eachtimethecaptainbecomingmorefrustratedandannoyedandcallingtheguynamesetc.Eachexclamation,forthebesteffect,shouldberepeateddowntheline.Finally,theyrunoutoftorpedoesandthen...

Captain:Theonlythinglefttodonowistokillmyself(shootshimself.)Andsoondowntheline.

5:HowdoIdothat?

Version2:

Samekindofsituation,butthistimeit'sabunchofgarbagecollectors,racingtheirtruckdowntheirroute.

Driver:Okay!Trythefirstone!(Theymiss.)

Others:Darn!Nexttimewe'llgetitright!(Andsoonateverystop.)Finally...

Driver:Well,guys,wemissedallofthegarbagestops.Iguesstheonly

honorablethingtodoistopickupthegarbageproperly!(Andtheydo.)HowtoMaketheTeam

Twoboys,oneeatsvegetables,exercises,ballerate(ballet&karate),runs(getsakidtochasehimhome-schoolbully).Theotherkideatscandybars,playsbaseballwithguys.Firstguy(vegetableeater)makestheteamandtheotherkiddoesn't.Theotherkidsays;"WhatdidIdowrong?Whaaa!!!"

HowtoWashAnElephant

Beforeintroducingthisstunt,choosethreepeopletoleavetheroom.Theyshouldnotoverhearthenarrator.

Narratorexplainstoaudiencethatthestuntiscalled"HowtoWashanElephant",aclassicexampleincommunications.Hetellsthefollowingstoryandpantomimesthemotionsashegoes.

Narrator:Onemorning,FarmerFriendlywentouttothebarntobeginhischores(pantomimewalking).Hethrewopenthebarndoor,andtohissurprise,hefoundanelephantinhisbarn(pantomimethrowingopendoor,TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--40--

January1997

surprise).Thefarmerdidn'tknowwhattodowiththeelephantsohedecidedthatthefirstthingtodowastowashit.Heledtheelephantfromthebarn(pickuptheelephant'strunkandwalkingwithitoveryourshoulder,openandclosebarndoor).Helefttheelephantnearthepump,gotabucketandscrubbrushandpumpedthebucketfullofwater(pantomimetheactions).Nowhewasreadytobegin.Firsthescrubbedtheleftside(liftupelephant'searandwashthat).Thenhewasreadyforthestomach(liedownonfloor;wriggleunderelephantandscrubunderside).Next,therightside(repeatactionsasforleftside).Thenhescrubbedtheelephant'sface(pantomimescrubbingbetweeneyesanddownlengthoftrunk).Almostdone(walktorearoftheelephant,gingerlyliftuptailandquicklyscrubthere).There,that'sdone!(Pantomimethrowingoutrestofwater,puttingthebrushinbucketandsettingbucketbesidepump.Taketheelephantbyhistrunkandleadhimbacktothebarn,opendoor,leadhimin,gooutandshutdoorbehind.)Narratortellsaudiencehewillcallpeoplebackin,onebyone,andpantomimethestunt,withoutbenefitofnarrative.Thefirst

onebyone,andpantomimethestunt,withoutbenefitofnarrative.Thefirstpersonwilldowhatheremembersforthesecondperson,andsoon.Hewill,ofcourse,havenoideawhatthemotionsmean,soitcanbeveryfunny.Bythetimetheactionsarepantomimedforthethirdperson,itwillbedistortedandbearlittleresemblancetotheoriginalversion.

Afterallthreehavetriedtheirluck,thenarratorexplainsthestoryandtellsthemwhattheyweredoing.

IGottaGoWee

Fiveguyssleepinginatent,allinarow.Thescoutmasterononeend,thelittlescoutontheother.

Thelittlescoutclimbsoveralltheothersleepingscouts,whotrytoremainasleep,andshakesthescoutmaster."Scoutmaster!Scoutmaster!Igottagowee!"

"Huh?Wha?Gobacktosleep."Thelittlescoutcrawlsbackovereveryoneandgoesbacktosleepfor5

seconds.

Thelittlescoutclimbsoveralltheothersleepingscouts,whotrytoremainasleep,andshakesthescoutmaster."Scoutmaster!Scoutmaster!Igottagowee!"

"Huh?Wha?Gobacktosleep."Thelittlescoutcrawlsbackovereveryoneandgoesbacktosleepfor5

seconds.

Thelittlescoutclimbsoveralltheothersleepingscouts,whotrytoremainasleep,andshakesthescoutmaster."Scoutmaster!Scoutmaster!Igottagowee!"

"OK!OK!",saysthescoutmaster,"Ifyou'vegottago,thengo."

Thelittlescoutstandsupandwaveshishandsintheair:"Weee!!!!"

--ThankstoBobJenkins

Igor

Nopropsareneeded,althoughtheactorscanmakeupbitsofcostumesthat

Nopropsareneeded,althoughtheactorscanmakeupbitsofcostumesthatemphasizetheirroles.Theevilprofessorcanwearalongwhitelabcoat.Somerehearsaliswise,togetthemostoutofeachperformance.

AlargeScoutliesstifflyinthemiddleofthestage.TheProfessorentersandintroduceshimself,givingaveryRussian-soundingname.Heboastsabouthisgreatabilitiesandhowhewillprovethatheisthegreatestscientistintheworld.HehascreatedamonsternamedIgor,whocanobeythreedifferentcommands!Withthesecommands,theProfessorwillcontroltheworld.

TheProfessorisinterruptedbyaloudknockonthedoor(fromoffstage).AScoutenters,tryingtosellasubscriptiontohomedeliveryofthelocalnewspaper.TheProfessorrefuses,buttheScoutpersists.TheProfessorturnstotheaudienceandsays,"NowyouwillseewhatIcandowithmymonster!"

HeturnsandpointstoIgorandsays,"Igor!Stand!"Igorslowlystandsup.TheProfessorsays,"Igor!Walk!"

IgorstifflywalkstowardtheScout.

Hesays,"Igor!Kill!"IgorreachesoutandstranglestheScout,whodieswithagreatshowofanguish.

"Ha!Ha!"saystheProfessor,"NowyouseewhatIhaveachieved!NowyouknowthatIcancontroltheworldwithIgorandmythreecommands!"Igorslowlygoesbackandliesdown.

Thesceneisrepeatedatleasttwicemore,withaGirlScoutsellingcookies,areligiouszealot,avote-seekingpolitician,oradoor-to-doorsalesman.Eachtime,theProfessorboasts,heisinterruptedbyapersistentsalesman,andheusesthethreecommands.Eachsalesmaniskilledoff.

TheProfessorfinallycomestothefrontofthestage,withIgorlyingamongthebodiesbehindhim.Heboastsagainabouthisthreecommands,andhowhewillusethemtocontroltheworld.Allhehastodoissay,"Igor!

Stand!"Igorstands.

"Igor!Walk!"IgorwalkstowardtheProfessor,whodoesnotnoticehim.

"Igor!Kill!"IgorkillstheProfessor,turns,andliesbackdown.

"Igor!Kill!"IgorkillstheProfessor,turns,andliesbackdown.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--41--

January1997

I'mGonnaGetYou!

Cast:Murderer,BUTTERknife,Jarofpeanutbutter,SleepingFamilyMembersSetting:InHouseatNightWhenAllAreAsleep

Thiefislookingaroundthehouse,withaflashlightperhapsandholdingtheBUTTERknife(anythingelsewouldbeoverkill,anddangerous)andisalwayssaying,"I'mgonnagetyou!"inawaythatCOULDsuggesthe'stryingtofindthememberstokillthemintheirsleep.BeCAREFULtoonlymakereferencesthatareVERYvague.

Hegoesaroundinthedifferentroomsofthehouse,sometimessaying,"Nothere,"perhapsinreferencetosleepingpeople.Finally,

Murderer:Ahh!Theysuredokeepthepeanutbutterinacrazyplaceinthishouse!(StartstoenjoythePB

usingthebutterknife.)

I'mRussian!

Oneofthoseskitsthatmaybeinappropriate.

Cast:4Russians,1Personlateforwork

Allactorscomeoutoneatatime,usingRussianaccentsexceptthelastperson.

#1:(Comesout)I'mRussian!

#2:I'mRussian!Thankyou!(Bows.)

#3:I'mRussian!Qvestions?

#4:I'mRussian!

#5:I'mlateforworkandI'mrushin'too!

TheImportantPapers

Thesettingcanbeeitherakingorabossinhisofficewhobeckonstoacourtierorassistantthathewantshisroyalorimportantpapers.Thepersonrunsinwithasheathofpapers,thekingorbossquiteagitatedtossesthemasideanddemandsthattheybringhimhisimportantpapers.OtherpeoplebringinotherthingsoneatatimesuchasaBoyScoutHandbooketc.thekingthrowsthemasideandgetsmoreandmoreupsetdemandingthathehavehisimportantpapers.Atlastthesomeonecomesinwitharolloftoiletpaper(courtjester,officeboyetc.).Thekingknightshimorthebosspromoteshimthankinghimprofuselyandrunsoffthestageinvisiblerelief.

TheImportantMeeting

Scene:Sixtoeightplayerssitaroundatablescatteredwithpapers,acoupleofwaterglasses,etc.Theymimeadiscussion,somejottingdownnotes,etc.

Enterthenarrator,outfittedasanewsreporter.Inconfidentialtones,thereporterexplainsthatthisisanimportantmeetingofthegroupcommittee,gatheredonthisoccasiontomakesomeveryimportantdecisions.

Asthenarratorsayssomethinglike,"Let'sseeifwecangetabitclosertohearhowthingsaregoing",thegroupatthetableaddsomemumblingandunintelligiblearguingtotheirmime.Occasionally,theypunctuatethedinwithoutburstssuchas,"No,no!";"Idisagree!";"That'sbetter";"Noway!";"Thatmightwork"andthelike.

Finally,thehubbubdies,thegroupsettlesback.Onememberstandsandannounces,"Thenit'sdecided;a12-slicepizzawitholives,mushrooms,lotsofcheese,butholdthepepperoni."

All:Agreed!

IntheFurnitureStore

Youneedafurniturestoresalesmanandacustomerwhoknowswhatis

happening.Beforethesalesmancansellanything,heneedsstock.Callforvolunteersfromtheaudience:fourtoliedowntomaketherug;threetocrouchasthecouch;oneortwochairs;alamp;andmostimportant,onegoodnaturedfellowtogetdownonallfoursasthecoffeetable.Whenallareready,acustomerentersandaskstoseeacouch.Thesalesmanshowshimthefurniture,extollingitshighqualityandlowprice.Hepaysparticularattentiontothecoffeetable:beautiful,sturdy,markandmar-proof,etc.

Thecustomershowssomeinterest.Thesalesmanpatsandwigglesthecoffeetabletoshowhowfirmandsteadyitis,thenpicksupacup(empty)andsayssomethinglike,"Seethiscupofwater?Pretendit'scoffee.

Whenitsitsonthistable,youknowitwillneverspill!"Heplacesthecupbetweentheshoulderbladesofthecoffeetableandjigglesitgently."See!"Thecustomersayshe'llthinkaboutitandleaves.ThedejectedsalesmanTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--42--

January1997

dismissesallthefurnitureexceptthecoffeetableandleaves.Thecoffeetabletriestofigureouthowhewillgetupwithoutspillingwhathethinksisacupofwateralloverhimself.Cheerhimon!

TheInfantry

AvariationoftheViper.

Ascoutrunsintoacampofsoldiersyelling"Theinfantryiscoming!Theinfantryisfivemilesaway!"Thesoldierslookup,mumble,andactnervous.

Ascoutrunsintothecampofsoldiersyelling"Theinfantryiscoming!Theinfantryisonemileaway!"Thesoldiersstandupandstartgatheringtheirgear.

Ascoutrunsintothecampofsoldiersyelling"Theinfantryiscoming!They'rejustoverthehill!"Allthesoldiersscreamandrunaway,oppositedirectionthatthescoutcamefrom.

Twopeopleruninfromthedirectionthescoutscamefrom,carryinganinfanttree.Theyrunafterthesoldiers.

tree.Theyrunafterthesoldiers.

--ThankstoBobJenkins

Version2:

Cast:3-4People,Personcarryingasapling

#1:(Runsin)TheInfantryiscoming!Gotothebombshelters!

#2:(Amomentlater,runsin)TheInfantryiscoming!Saveyourselves!

#3:(Amomentlater,runsin)TheInfantryiscoming!Let'shelpthem!

#4:(Amomentlater,runsin)TheInfantryiscoming!Let'swatchthetanks!

(Amomentlater)

Person:Andhereitis,theInfantTree.

TheInjury

Onepersonislayingonthefloor.Twootherpeoplewalkup.

Firstperson:"Heythisguyishurt."hegoesandcheckshisheartbeat.

Firstperson:"Noheartbeat,helpmedoCPR"

Secondpersongoesdownandstartspumpingonthechestandthefirstguydoesthemouthblows.Dothisforalittlewhile.

Secondperson:"I'mgettingkindoftiredhereIthinkitistimetoswitch."

Firstperson:"OK,ready"

Atthispointthepersononthegroundgetsup,oneoftheotherpeoplegoesdownandtheystartdoingCPR

again.

Thereyougo,thisisagoodskittodowithleaders.

--ThankstoChrisHennessy

--ThankstoChrisHennessy

TheInspection

Cast:Leader,3-4Kidsinmessyuniforms,missinghats,insideout,nottuckedin,andsoon,andOneKidinperfect,fulluniform

Setting:MeetingHall

Leader:Troop!(Doesthesign.)Lineupforinspection.

Kidinperfectuniformisatendofline.Leadercheckseachone,says"Hmm,"ateachone,writesdownsomething.Getstolastkid.

Leader:Johnny!You'reinperfectuniform!Howmanytimeswillittakeforyoutogetitright!Youmaketheotherslookbad!

Intelligence

Twoditchdiggersarediggingaditchwhentheirbosswalksbyandthenjuststandsaround.Onediggerturnstotheotherandaskwhytheyhavetodoallthework,whilethebossgetspaidmore.Theothermandoesnotknowandsuggestthehegoasktheboss.Hethenaskstheboss,whoexplainsits"intelligence".Theworkerasks"whatdoyoumean?.Thebosssays"letmedemonstrateittoyou"whereuponheputshishandagainstatreeandtellstheworkertohithishandashardashecan.Whentheworkertries,thebosspullshishandaway,andtheworkerhitsthetreeinstead.Thebosssays,"Youseethat'sintelligence,nowgobacktowork!".Whenhereturnstotheditch,theothermanaskshimwhattheansweris.Theinjuredworkerexplainsits"inteelgence".HeTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--43--

January1997

explainstotheotherworkerbyputtinghishandonthefrontofhisownfaceandsays:"Seethishand,hititashardasyoucan!"

IntheFurnitureStore

Youneedafurniturestoresalesmanandacustomerwhoknowswhatis

happening.Beforethesalesmancansellanything,heneedsstock.Callforvolunteersfromtheaudience:fourtoliedowntomaketherug;threetocrouchasthecouch;oneortwochairs;alamp;andmostimportant,onegoodnaturedfellowtogetdownonallfoursasthecoffeetable.Whenallareready,acustomerentersandaskstoseeacouch.Thesalesmanshowshimthefurniture,extollingitshighqualityandlowprice.Hepaysparticularattentiontothecoffeetable:beautiful,sturdy,markandmar-proof,etc.

Thecustomershowssomeinterest.Thesalesmanpatsandwigglesthecoffeetabletoshowhowfirmandsteadyitis,thenpicksupacup(empty)andsayssomethinglike,"Seethiscupofwater?Pretendit'scoffee.

Whenitsitsonthistable,youknowitwillneverspill!"Heplacesthecupbetweentheshoulderbladesofthecoffeetableandjigglesitgently."See!"Thecustomersayshe'llthinkaboutitandleaves.Thedejectedsalesmandismissesallthefurnitureexceptthecoffeetableandleaves.Thecoffeetabletriestofigureouthowhewillgetupwithoutspillingwhathethinksisacupofwateralloverhimself.Cheerhimon!---

--ThankstotheLeaderMagazine,January1990

TheInvisibleBench

Need:4(ormore)scouts.

Firstboyissquattingasthoughsittingonaninvisiblebench.Thesecondboycomesinandaskswhatthefirstisdoing.

"I'msittingontheinvisiblebench."

"CanIjoinyou?"

"Sure,there'splentyofroom."

Secondboypretendstosit.

Athirdboycomesalong,andthescenerepeats.

Goonforasmanyboysasyouwant.

Whenthelastboycomesalong,asksandisanswered,hesays"ButImovedit

Whenthelastboycomesalong,asksandisanswered,hesays"ButImoveditovertherethismorning!"

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!Allseatedboysfalldown.

--ThankstoRichardAQuinnell,Pack609MontereyBayAreaCouncil

IsaTrainPassingToday?

Otherwiseknownas"IsTheTrainComin'?"intheLeaderMagazine.Oneofthoseskitsrarelydoneyetquitefunnyifdoneright.

Cast:Grandma,Grandpa

Setting:TrainStation

Grandma:(Inoldvoice)Grandpa,isatrainpassingfromthesouthtoday?

Grandpa:(Hobblesovertostation,checkstheschedule,lookstothesouth,returns,andinanoldvoice,)No,Grandma.

Grandma:Grandpa,isatrainpassingfromthenorthtoday?

Grandpa:(Hobblesovertostation,checkstheschedule,lookstothenorth,returns.)No,Grandma.

Grandma:Grandpa,isatrainpassingfromtheeasttoday?

Grandpa:(Hobblesovertostation,checkstheschedule,lookstotheeast,returns.)No,Grandma.

Grandma:Grandpa,isatrainpassingfromthewesttoday?

Grandpa:(Hobblesovertostation,checkstheschedule,lookstothewest,returns.)No,Grandma.

Grandma:Good.Wecancrossthetracksnow.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--44--

January1997

January1997

IsCaptainKiddAfraidofHimself?

Cast:CaptainKidd,Otherpeoplewalkingby,Mirror

Setting:Street

C.K.:I'mtheroughest,toughest,meanest,ugliestpiratetoroamtheseas.Watchthis.(Triestoscarefirstmanwalkingby.)

Man:I'mnotscaredofyou!

C.K.keepsontryingtoscarepeoplegoingtowork("Lateforwork!")walkingthedog(DogrunsupandstartstoplaywithC.K.)kids(theylaugh,"Hey!Halloweenisn'ttillnextmonth!")andsoon.Finally,he'squitedismayed.

C.K.:Hmm.MaybeI'mnotsoscaryafterall.MaybeIshouldgointomovies.(Looksathimselfinthemirror.)Ahhh!(Runsawayscared.)

IsItTimeYet?

Version1:

Haveseveralboysstandinginaline(facingtheaudience)withonearmonthenextboysshoulder.Thefirstboyinlinelooksatthesecondandasksthesecondboy,"ISittimeyet?"Thesecondboyasksthethirdboythesamequestionandsoondowntheline.Theboyattheendofthelinelooksathiswatchandsaystotheboynexttohim,"No,itsnottimeyet,"andthiscontinuesonupthelinetothefirstboyinthelineagainwitheachboysayingitinturn.Thiscancontinueacoupletimes;thenwhenitgetstothelastboy,hesays,"It'stime!"andwhenthemessagegetsbacktothefirstboyeachboymoveshisarmfromtheother'sshoulderandputshisotherarmontheboynexttohim.

Version2:

Lineof5-8Scoutsstandingwithleftfootcrossedoverright,rightarmcrossedoverleft.

FirstScoutinlineasks:"ISITTIMEYET?"-

FirstScoutinlineasks:"ISITTIMEYET?"-

SecondScoutasksthird,etcdowntheline.

LastScoutsays:"NO"

WordispassedbacktothefirstScout,oneScoutatatime.

Afteralonnnnnnnngpause,FirstScoutasks:"ISITTIMEYET?"

Itgoesdownthelineasbefore.

LastScoutsays:"NO"

Againandthewordispassedback.

Anotherlongpause...............

FirstScoutasksagain:"ISITTIMEYET?"etcand,

LastScoutsays:"YES"theanswerispassedback.JustafterthefirstScoutgetstheword,theyallchangetorightfootoverleftandleftarmoverright.

Version3:

TextfromBestofLeaderMagazineCutOutpages:

Sixtotenplayerssitinalinefacingtheaudience,legsstretchedoutinfrontofthem,leftlegcrossedoverrightattheankle.Theplayeratoneendaskstheonebesidehim,"Isittimeyet?"Thequestionpassesfrompersontopersondowntheline.Thelastplayerlooksathiswatchandtellsthepersonbesidehim,"No,notyet."Thereplypassesfromplayertoplayerbackupthelinetothefirstperson.Playerssendquestionandanswerupanddownthelinethreeorfourtimes,eachtimebecomingmoreandmoreimpatientandfidgety.Finally,theendplayerreplies,"Yes,it'stimenow."Thenewspassesfromonetoanotherupthelinetothefirstplayerwhosays,"Oh,thankgoodness!"Atthispoint,alltheplayersuncrosstheirlegsandre-crossthemrightoverleft.

IGottaGoWeee!

Cast:Patrolasleep(ie.lyingdown)intent

Scout1:Scouter,Igottagowee!

Scouter:Gobacktosleep.

Scout1:(Alittlelater)Scouter,Igottagowee!

Scouter:Gobacktosleep!

OtherScoutswakeupandmumble,"Aw,keepquiet,""Stopwhining,""You'rekeepingusawake,"etc.

Scout1:(Alittlelater)Scouter,Igottagowee!

Scouter:(Annoyed)Gobacktosleep!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--45--

January1997

OtherScoutswakeupandmumble,"Aw,keepquiet,""Stopwhining,""You'rekeepingusawake,"etc.)(continuesonceortwicemore.Finally,

Scout1:ButScouter,IreallygottagoWee!

Scouter:(Reallyannoyedandexasperated)Fine,Johnny,GOWEE!

Scout1:(Sitsup,startswigglingarmsandcallsout,)WEEEEE!WWWEEEEEEEEEEE!

J.C.Penney

Version1:

OneScoutisstandingonstage.ASecondScoutwalksup.TheFirstScoutsays,"Thoseareniceshoes.

Wheredidyougetthem?"TheSecondScoutsays,"J.C.Penny[J.C.PennyisadepartmentstoreintheUSA.]"

departmentstoreintheUSA.]"

andwalksoff.

AThirdScoutwalksup.TheFirstScoutsays,"That'saniceshirt.Wheredidyougetit?"TheThirdScoutsays,"J.C.Penny"andwalksoff.

AFourthScoutwalksup.TheFirstScoutsays,"That'sanicepairofpants.Wheredidyougetthem?"TheFourthScoutsays,"J.C.Penny"andwalksoff.

ASixthScoutwalksup.TheFirstScoutsays,"That'sanicehat.Wheredidyougetit?"TheSixthScoutsays,"J.C.Penny"andwalksoff.

ASeventhScoutwalksupwearingonlyatowel.TheFirstScoutsays,"Whoareyou?"TheSeventhScoutsays,"I'mJ.C.Penny."

Version2:

Cast:Personstandingonstreet,3Friendspassingby,JCPennyinunderwear/swimsuitonlySetting:StreetCorner

Rememberthatallofthefriendscomefromthesamesideofthestage,andleaveonthesameotherside(ie.

allarewalkinginthesamedirection.)

Person:Hey,Frank!Nicetoseeyou!Hey,Ilikethoseshoes!Where'dyougetthem?

Frank:JCPenney!Look,Igottarun!Bye!

Anotherfriendcomesup.

Person:John!Niceshirt!Wheredidyougetit?

John:JCPenney!Realniceclothes!Seeyou!

Anotherfriendshowsup.

Person:Steve!Hey!Thepants!Ilove'em.Where'dyouget'em?

Steve:JCPenney!Bye!

Steve:JCPenney!Bye!

JCPenneycomesrunningthrough.

Person:Hey!Whoareyou?Whyareyourunningaroundlikethat?

JC:I'mJCPenney!I'mtryingtogetmyclothesback!

JointheArmy!

Cast:ArmyRecruiter,Trainees

Setting:Gymnasium

Recruiter:(Toaudience)Jointhearmyandlearnsomegreatskills!Youcanbecomeroughandtoughlikeme!Forinstance,youcanlearnwrestling!(Twotraineeswrestleonthefloor)Andhowaboutjudo!(Traineesdoajudoflip)AndTai-Chi!(TraineesdoTai-Chimoves.)Andmypersonalfavorite,Karate!(TriesaKaratechoponatrainee;traineeblocksit,recruiterhurtshimselfandrunsawaycrying.)JokeTellerApatrolofscoutsaresittingaroundthecampfire,eatingtheirdinner.Everyonceinawhileanolderscoutwillyelloutanumberandallofthescoutwilllaughhysterically.Allexceptonenewscoutwhojustlooksaround.

Finallyafterthreeorfournumbershavebeenyelledhethenewscoutaskhispatrolleaderaboutwhatisgoingon.

ThePatrolleaderexplainsthatatsomecampstheygotintroubleforthejokestheytoldsotheymemorizedthejokes.Eachmemberjustsaysanumberinordertotellajoke.ThePatrolleadergivesthenewscoutabookofjokestolearn.Thenewscoutfindsajokeandyells"52".Nothinghappens.Heasksthepatrolleaderwhynoonelaughed.Thepatrolleadersays:"Someguysjustdon'tknowhowtotellajoke!"

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--46--

January1997

JumboBurgers

Cast:2People,RadioVoice

Setting:Park

#1:Boy,whatalunch!ThoseJumboBurgerswerereallystrange--butgood.Iwonderwhytheywouldn'ttelluswhatkindofmeatwasinit?

#2:Oh,youknow,theytellthat,thenpeoplewillexpectthekindsofspicesandotheringredientstheyputinandthey'lllosetheirsecretrecipe.

#1:You'reright.ButI'mstillcurious.

#2:Yeah,butforgetit.Maybewe'llgobacktomorrowandhaveanother.Let'sturnontheradio.

RadioVoice:JumbotheElephantfromLodge'stravelingcircusdiedlastnightduringaperformancefromaheartattack.Andforthisweek's"PoorTaste"award,giventorestaurantsforservingpoorqualityfood,goestoRichi'sBurgerHouse.Itappearsthattheyhavebeenserving"JumboBurgers"whoseoriginsseemtobealittlevague....(Guysrealizewhattheyateandstarttothrowup.)TheJump

Oneofthoseexceptionallygoodskitsthatisknownouttherebutstrangelyisrarelyeverdone;alwaysahit.

(Probablyanygoodjokemakesanexceptionalskit;thekeyisnotrepeatingittoooften.)Cast:Reporter,Doctor,Busdriver,Pilot,Mechanic,Cook,TaxConsultant(and/orjustaboutwhoeveryouneed--theonlyconstantistheReporter.)Setting:Cliff

Reporter:Ihaven'thadasinglestoryinweeks,soI'mgoingtocommitsuicidebyjumpingoffthiscliff.

(Swingsarmsto1,2,3)One...Two...(Suddenly,)

Doctor:Hey!Whatareyoudoing?

Reporter:Ihaven'thadasinglestoryinweeks,soI'mgoingtocommitsuicidebyjumpingoffthiscliff.Whyareyouhere?

byjumpingoffthiscliff.Whyareyouhere?

Doctor:Ihaven'thadapatientcometovisitmeinweeks.AndIgoofedalloftheoperationsI'vefilledinfor.

Hey!Whydon'twecommitsuicidetogether?

Reporter:Thatsoundsgreat.(Theyswingarmsto1,2,3)One...Two...

BusDriver:Hey!Whatareyoudoing?

Reporter:Ihaven'thadasinglestoryinweeks,soI'mgoingtocommitsuicidebyjumpingoffthiscliff.

Doctor:Ihaven'thadapatientcometovisitmeinweeks.AndIgoofedalloftheoperationsI'vefilledinfor.

Sowe'regoingtocommitsuicidebyjumpingoffthiscliff.Whyareyouhere?

BusDriver:Ikeeponhavingaccidentswithmybus,sotheyfiredme.Hey!Whydon'twecommitsuicidetogether?

ReporterandDoctor:Thatsoundsgreat.(Theyswingarmsto1,2,3)One...Two...

Pilotcomesinatthesametimeandaskswhat'sgoingon--samethinghappens,hegetsaskedwhyhe'shere,sohesaysthathekeepsoncrashingplanes.Theyallareabouttojumpwhenthecookcomesin,andthesamethinghappens,andhesaysthathealwaysburnsthefoodhecooks.Theyallareabouttojumpwhenthetaxconsultantcomesinandexplains,thesamewaytheothersdid,thathekeepsgivingbadtaxadviceandthegovernmentisjailinghiscustomersfortaxfraud.Finally,theyallareabouttojump,andtheydo--exceptforthereporterwhosays,Reporter:Hey!Whatastory!

KarateOrientale

OncedonewithaPiratethemewherebyinsteadofhavingakarateexpert,hadapiratewhowasgoodwithasword.Nochangeinprogressionorpunchline,though.

Cast:KarateExpert,3Muggers,1Muggerwithagun

Expert:InowcanfeelsafewhenIwalkthroughtheparkandnothavetoworryaboutmuggersnowthatIknowkaratefromallovertheworld.Forinstance,(muggersneaksuptohim,getsakaratechop,)Hiii-Ya!IlearnedthatJapaneseKarateChopinOsaka,Japan.(Anothermuggersneaksup.)Ilearnedthis--(flipshim)--theChineseMuggerFlip--inSouthernChina.(Yetanothermuggersneaksup.)IlearnedtheRoundtheWorldKick,likethisone(doesaturn&kickshim)inKorea.Soyousee,I'mquitesafeinthePark.

Suddenlyanothermuggerrunsinandshootstheexpertdead.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--47--

January1997

Mugger:Thatwasashotfroma.45specialIgotfromtheSearsCatalogue!

KeepCanadaBeautifulContest

Otherwiseknownas"TheContest"intheLeaderMagazine.TextfromTheBestoftheLeaderCutOutPages.

YoucouldjustaseasilydothisasKeepAmericaBeautifuloranyothercountryforthatmatter.

Cast:6Cubs

Setting:FiveCubsSittinginTheirClubhouse(indicatedbyappropriatesigns)playingagame.

Cub1:(Runsin,veryexcited)Hey,youguys!Didyouhearaboutthebigcontest?

Cub2:Whatcontest?What'sitabout?

Cub1:The"KeepCanadaBeautifulContest,"that'swhat!

Cub3:Arethereprizes?Acontestisnogoodwithoutprizes.

Cub1:Sure,lotsofprizes.Neatoneslikebicyclesandradios,andlotsofgoodstuff!

Cub4:(Gloomily)Ibetit'shard.Contestswithneatprizesarealwayshard.

Cub1:Nope!It'seasy.Eventherulessayit'sSIMPLE--inbigletters.Thewinneristheonewhopickstheeasiestway.

Cub5:Theeasiestwaytodowhat?

Cub1:TheeasiestwaytokeepCanadaBeautiful.That'swhatI'vebeentalkingabout!

Cub6:(Withaswagger)Ha!ThenI'macinchtowin!

Cub1:Why'sitsocinchyforyou?What'syourgreatwaytokeepCanadabeautiful?

Cub6:(Takesoutcombandcombshishair)See!That'stheeasiestwayIknowtokeepCanadaBeautiful.

Theotherslookathim,thenateachother.Quicklytheysurroundhim,carryordraghimtoalargeboxmarkedTRASH,anddumphimin.

Cub1:Likehesaid,fellahs,we'reacinchtowin!That'stheeasiestwayIknowtokeepCanadabeautiful.

(theyexit,laughingwhileCub6standsupinthetrashboxwithadisgustedlookonhisface.)KnotDemonstration

Apersoncomesoutwithalengthofrope.Heproceedstogiveaknotdemonstrationsomeofwhichdonotturnthewayheexpects.Hehascreativeandimaginativenamesforhisknotssuchasthedoublehitchbacklooptie,clovehitchwithatripleloopbight,etc.Thelastknothetiesisonethathesaysthatapersoncan'tloosen.Themoretheytrytoloosentheknotthemoreittightens.Hedemonstratesatemporaryversionofthisaroundhisneck.Hepullsontheknotwhenheisfinishesandexclaims,"Ohno,I'vetiedthewrongknot,I'vetiedthepermanentversion,andleavesthestagechoking.

TheKing'sRaisins

"IamtheKing.Bringmemyraisins!"

Firstsquire,"Hereareraisins,sire,fromthehillsofCalifornia!"

"Thoseraisinsarenotfitforpeasants!Bringmemyraisins!"

Secondsquire,"Hereareraisins,sire,fromthevineyardsofFrance!"

TheKing,"Theyarehardlyworthsneezingat.Bringmemyraisins!"

Thirdsquire,"Theseraisins,sire,werehand-pickedwithtweezersbyBenedictineMonksinGermany!"

TheKing,"Thesearetheworstyet!Bringmemyroyalraisinsupplier!"

Twoguysdragintheroyalraisinsupplier

TheKing,"Whyhaveyounotbroughtmemyraisins?"

Royalraisinsupplier,"Myrabbitdied!"

--ThankstoBobJenkins

KnotDemonstration

Apersoncomesoutwithalengthofrope.Heproceedstogiveaknotdemonstrationsomeofwhichdonotturnthewayheexpects.Hehascreativeandimaginativenamesforhisknotssuchasthedoublehitchbacklooptie,clovehitchwithatripleloopbight,etc.Thelastknothetiesisonethathesaysthatapersoncan'tloosen.

Themoretheytrytoloosentheknotthemoreittightens.HedemonstratesatemporaryversionofthisaroundhisTheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--48--

January1997

neck.Hepullsontheknotwhenheisfinishesandexclaims,"Ohno,I'vetiedthewrongknot,I'vetiedthepermanentversion,andleavesthestagechoking.

TheLandShark

Thesceneisalivingroomwitharadioplaying.AScoutischangingstations.Thereisanannouncement,readfromoffstage:"Weinterruptthisstationtobringyouanimportantnewsbulletin.AcriminalknownastheLandSharkhasbeenseenonthestreetsofthistown!Heknocksonthedoorsofsuspectingpeople,disguiseshisvoice,anduponentrance,devoursthemleavingnotraces.IftheLandSharkshowsupatyourdoor,donotopenit,andcallthepoliceimmediately.Wenowreturnyoutoourregularlyscheduledbroadcast."

Scout,turningoffradio:"IhopethatLandSharkdoesn'tshowuphere."

Threeloudknocksareheard."Whoisit?"

Offstage:"Pizzadelivery"

Scout:"Oh,great!Comeonin!"Hereachesoffstagetoopenthedoor.Handsreachoutandpullhimoffwithaloudgrowl.Curtaincloses.

CurtainopensonanotherScout:"I'veheardsomanyrumorsaboutthatLandShark.I'mcurious."(Threeloudknocks.)"Whoisit?"

Offstage:"LukePatersonfromMetropolitanLife."

Scout:"Whatdoyouwant?"

Offstage:"Ineedtoreviewyourpolicy.Yourneverknowwhensomethingmighthappen!"

Scout:"Comein."Opensdoor.Loudgrowl.Grabbedandpulledoffstage.Curtaincloses.

CurtainopensonanolderScout.Hehearsthreeknocks."Whoisit?"

Offstage:"Pharmacydelivery."

Scout:"Ididn'torderanymedicine."

Offstage:"Candygram."

Scout:"Fromwhom?"

Offstage:"Plumber."

Scout:"Mypipesarefine!Say,Iknowwhothisis.It'sthatnastyLandShark!"

Offstage,inasmallvoice:"I'monlyaguppy,sir."

Scout:"Oh,allright.Comein,then."Opensthedoorandispulledoffstage.Moregrowls.Curtaincloses.

Curtainopensonanold,sharpScout.Hehearsthreeknocks."Whoisit?"

Offstage:"BoyScoutTroop144.Wouldyouliketobuysomefertilizer,sir?"

Scout,looksattheaudienceandsmilesknowingly:"Justaminute."HegetsalargestickandpreparestohittheShark."Comein."

Heswingsthestickoffstage.Thereisaloudthump.AveryyoungScoutinfulluniformstumblesontothestageanddramaticallyfalls,facefirst.

TheLawnMowerI

Onepersonbendsoverpantomimingalawnmower.This"mower"rumblesandshakes,sputtering,asthegardenertriestostartit.Itdoesn'tstart.Othermembersoftheskittrytostartitwithnoluck.Thegardenerchoosesavolunteeroutoftheaudiencetotryandstartitanditstartsuprightawaychuggingalong.ThegardenerexplainsallittookwasabiggerJERK.

TheLawnmowerII

(Oneparticipantisonhishandsandkneesasthemower.)

Owner:(Yankingimaginaryrope,whilemowersputters)Thisdarnedoldmower,Ican'tgetitgoing.Ineedsomehelp.(Getshelpfromanotherparticipant.)Helper#1:Soyoujustwantmetoyankonthisrope,andgetitstarted?That'seasy!(Yankingrope)Mower:(Splutters,bobsupanddown)Helper#1:I'msorry.Ican'tseemtodoit.Haveyoucheckedthegas?

Owner:Yes,Ihave.Thanksanyway.Well,let'sseewhoelsehasastrongarm.(Selectsanotherparticipant)WhatIneedyoutodoistogivearealgoodyankonthestartingropeandmakeitrun.

Helper#2:Surething.(Yanksropeacoupleoftimes.)

Mower:(Bobsupanddown,sputters,coughs)

Helper#2:Sorry,Ican'tdoiteither.

Owner:WhatIneedissomeonebigandstrong(SelectsaLeader)(Leaderwillprobablymakesomecomments,butlethimtalkandgethimtopulltherope)TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--49--

January1997

Mower:(Splutters,coughs,startstovibrateandrun)

Owner:There.Allitneededwasagoodjerk.

LearningEnglish

Yetanotherwhichmaybeconsideredinappropriate.

Cast:Narrator,FrenchPerson,Storekeeper,BorderGuard

Narrator:Thisman(indicateFrenchperson)wantedtolearnEnglishsothathecouldgototheUStodosomeshopping.Sohewenttoastoreandboughtaradio(transactionmadewithshopkeeper.)Helistenedtoitallthetimeuntilfinally,whenhethoughtthathisEnglishwasgoodenough,hewenttotheborder.

BorderGuard:Whereareyougoing,Sir?

Frenchman:(Cracklesaresponse,likeradiowithbadreception.)

LearningtheAlphabet

Cast:Teacher,Kid

Setting:Classroom

Kid:(Toteacher)MayIgotothewashroom?

Teacher:Firstyouhavetorecitethealphabet.

KidrecitesthealphabetBUTleavesouttheletterP.

Teacher:YouforgottheletterP.Whathappenedtoit?

Kid:It'srunningdownmypants!

LetMeHaveIt!

Thisisanold,oldvaudevillestunt.Itdependsontheinteractionbetweentheplayersandthecrowd.

Overactingandshowingoffshouldbeencouraged.Theonlypropneededisalengthofrubbertubing,suchasapieceofoldbicycleinnertube.

Theskitshouldbepracticed,bothforthegreatesteffectandfortheprotectionoftheScout,whomustknowhowtoabsorbtheblow.TheScoutturnshisbacktotheMasterofCeremonies.Hebendspartlyforward,andpullsthetubingoverhisshoulder.Whenthetubingisreleased,hefallsforwardandrollstowardtheoppositeshoulder.Ifheholdsthetubeproperly,itwillflyoverhisshoulderwitha'Snap!'Hewillnotbehurtunlesshetakestheblowsquarely.TheMasterofCeremoniesshouldknowwhatisgoingtohappenandhowheshouldact,buthedoesnothavetoknowwhenhewillreceivehislong-distancephonecall.

TheSkit

TheMasterofCeremoniesispresidingoveraCourtofHonororacampfire.AScoutrunsontothestageandinterruptshimdramatically,"Ihavealongdistancetelephonecallforyou!"

TheScouthasalengthofrubbertubing.HehandsoneendtotheMC,explainingthatthisisthephoneline.

"I'llgetthelinestraightenedoutandconnectyou.WhenIsay'Ring-Ring',youholdituptoyourearandsay'Letmehaveit',andyou'llgetyourcall."

TheMClooksskeptical,looksattheScout,thenatthetube,thenattheScoutagainandfinallyagrees.TheScoutstretchesthelineandsays,"Ring-Ring".The

againandfinallyagrees.TheScoutstretchesthelineandsays,"Ring-Ring".TheMClooksattheaudience,thenattheScout,andplaysdumb."WhatwasIsupposedtosay?"

TheScoutwalksbackandrepeatshisinstructionsverypatiently.HerehearsestheMC,makinghimrepeatthelines.Theytryagain.TheScoutstretchesthelinefurtherthanbefore.Hesays,"Ring-Ring".TheMCforgetsagain.

TheScoutgoesthroughitallagain.Thistimehegetstheaudiencetohelpbysayingthekeyphrase,"Letmehaveit!"Withabiggrinfortheaudience,herepeatsthisseveraltimes.

Thistimehestretchesthetubetoitslimits,turninghisbacktotheMC,bendingover,andholdingthetubeoverhisshoulder.Helooksattheaudience."Ready?""Ready!""Ring-Ring."

TheMClooksattheaudienceandgrins.Nowheunderstands."Wait.WhatamIsupposedtosay?"

TheScoutfrownsattheaudience,loseshistemper,andcallsout,"LetMeHaveIt!"TheMCletsgo.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--50--

January1997

LettersfromHome

Props:Twosheetsofpaper.

Scott:(Enters)Gee,it'salwaysnicetogetaletterfromhomewhenyou'reatcamp.

Robin:(Enters)Hey,look,IgotaletterfrommyMom.

Scott:Metoo.Listen,myMomsaysshe'swritingthisletterslowly,becausesheknowsIcan'treadfast.

Robin:MinesaysIwon'tknowthehousewhenIcomehome..They'vemoved!

Scott:Oh,myDadhasanewjobwith500menunderhim.He'scuttingthegrassatthecemetery.

Robin:Ourneighborsstartedkeepingpigs.Momgotwindofitthismorning.

Scott:Oh,mygoodness.Mylittlebrothercamehomefromschoolcryingbecausealltheotherboyshadnewclothesandwecan'taffordanyforhim.Momsaysshegothimanewhatandletshimstandinthewindow.

Robin:Therewasawashingmachineinthenewhouse.ButmyMomputfourshirtsinit,pulledthehandleandtheydisappeared.Guessitdoesn'tworkright.

Scott:MyMomhadherappendixoutandadishwasherputin.And,oh,mysisterhadababythismorning.

Momdoesn'tknowifI'manAuntorandUncle,becauseshedoesn'tknowyetifit'saboyoragirl.

Robin:Oh,dear,there'saP.S.Itsays,Iwasgoingtosendyou$10.00,butIhadalreadysealedtheenvelope.

Scott:Well,it'snicetoknowthingsarenormalathome.

Robin:Yep.(Bothexit)

(Withthisskititispossibletoputeachboy'sscriptonasheetofpaper,andtheycanreaditout,asthoughtheywerereadingtheletter.Theyshouldrehearse,ofcourse,tomakeitsoundnatural.)LieDetectorAtransparentcontainer(i.e.anoldvase)andacoinwithastringattached.Thecontainersitsonatablewithaclothoverit.Havetwoguysstartupaconversationwhereonetriestoconvincetheotherthatthecontainerandcoinisaliedetector.Thecoinjumpsupanddownpulledbyanotherpersonbelowthetablewhensomebodytellsthetruth.Thesecondguydoesn'tbelievethefirstguythatthevaseisaliedetector.Punchlineisthattheboywiththecontainerandcoinsaysheisn'tlyingandthathehasn'tliedinhiswholelifewherethetablefallsoverwiththecontainerrevealingtheboyunderneath.

TheLighthouseSketch

Firstoftwoguys:"Thisisthelighthousesketch.Weneedavolunteerfromtheaudiencetobethelighthouse.

Anyvolunteers?"(Pickagirl,butdon'tsayyouneedagirl.)"OK,youaregoingtobethelighthouse.Ineedyoutostandupstraightrighthere,anddon'tmove.Oh,you'removing!Standstraightandstill."

Firstguy:"Nowweneedtorowoutandlightthelighthouse."Thetwoguyssitonthefloor,pretendingtobeinarowboat."Stroke!Stroke!Stroke!"Theyscootalongbackwardstothelighthouse,liketheyarerowingarowboat.

Firstguy:"Nowit'stimetolightthelighthouse.Matches!Matches?"

Secondguy,hittinghisforehead:"Weforgotthematches!"

Pretendtorowbacktoshoreandgetthematches,thenrowback

Firstguy:"Matches?Good.Wick?"

Secondguy:"Weforgotthewick!"

Pretendtorowbacktoshoreandgetthematches,thenrowback

Firstguy:"We'vegotthewicknow?Good.Matches?

Secondguy:"Um,..."

Firstguy>"Youforgotthematchesagain."

Secondguynods.Pretendtorowbacktoshoreandgetthematches,thenrowback.

Firstguy:"Matches."

Secondguy:"Matches."

Firstguy:"Wick."

Secondguy:"Wick."

Firstguy:"Finally!Nowit'stimetolightthelighthouse!"

Bothguyskissthegirlonthecheeks,thenrunoffstageasfastastheycan.Hopefullythegirlwillblush,lightingthelighthouse.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

TheLighthouse

See"TheOldeLighthouse"inthisBigBook.

Cast:

1narrator

3-6Scoutsforthelighthousewalls

3-6leaders,counselors,kitchenstaff,etc.,numbertoequaltheScoutsandwillbe'recruited'duringtheskit

1flashlight,or2ifusing5-6Scouts

Scoutsstandinacircle,facingout,feetspread2'-3'apartbuttouchingfeetofScoutsoneachside.Theflashlightisheldateyelevelandispassedaroundthecircle.Scoutsstandtallandholdthebeacon'sbeamsteady.

Narrator:"Manyyearsagothepeopleofaseasidevillagebuiltalighthousetowarnapproachingshipsofadangerousshoalneartheirharbor.It'sbeaconcouldbeseenformiles,eveninfogandstorms.Formanydecades,thelighthousestoodfirmandgavesafepassagetoallwhosailedbythevillage.Butastheyearswentby,thevillagersgrewoldandsodidthelighthouse.Thevillagerscouldnolongermakerepairs,theocean'swavesworeawaythefoundation,thelighthousestartedtosagandfailedatitsduty."

TheScoutsnowstoop,headsleantothesideandbendtheirkneesslightly;thelight'travels'azig-zagpatharound.

Narrator:"Whentheschoonersandsquareriggersstartedtogoagroundonthe

Narrator:"Whentheschoonersandsquareriggersstartedtogoagroundontheshoals,theoldvillagersknewtheyhadtocallinexperiencedpeopletohelpwiththeirproblem.Peoplewhowerepillarsintheirowncommunitiesandwhoweresolidasarock."

Recruityourfavorite'I'mgonnagetyounow'peopleandinstructthemtogodownontheirhandsankneesandintothewalls.Leadersarefacinginwiththeirderrieresout,andarestraddledbytheScoutswhoagainstandtallandgiveasteadylight.

Narrator:"Nowwiththesenewrocksplacedintothefoundation,thelighthouseonceagainshinesabrightbeaconandstandsfirminthestormysurftowithstandthepoundingofthewaves."

Scoutsdroptheflashlightandthenhandpaddletheleaders.

--ThankstoTheU.S.ScoutingServiceProject

LighteningStrike

Agroupofscoutsareouthuntingalongwiththetroopchaplain.TheTroopChaplainsays"Looktheregoesaduck."AScoutusingimaginaryrifletakesashot,andmissingsayssomethingbeginningwithDang.(Dang,Imissed.Dang,missedagain.Dangcanthitanything,etc.)EachtimethechaplainexplainsthatheisthechaplainandcautionstheScoutsfortheirlanguageandthattheywillangertheLord.Finallythechaplainbeingsomewhatputoutssays:"Ifyouusethatlanguageoncemore,theLordwillstrikeyoudownonthespot!".Repeatthescenario,Thereisone,bang,Dangmissedagain.Thenfromoutsideofthecampfireareisaloudband,OneoftheScoutsyellslookoutforthelightening,andthechaplainfalltotheground.Avoicefromoutsidethecampfiresaysinadeepvoice,"Dang!MissedAgain!"

Lights,Camera,Action

ThisskitisperformedonaHollywoodsoundstage,youhaveadirector,cameramanandactors:Doctor,leadingmanandmaiden.Themanisonhisdeathbed,maidenrunstocallforthedoctor,doctorcomesandsayshecan'thelp,withthemaidenathissidethemandiesinherarms.Themaidensobsonthedoctorshoulder.TheDirectoreverytimestopsthemoviehereandchangesthedirections:Tooslow,toofast,toosad,toohappy,.Therealfuncomesfrom

theactorsfollowingtheinstructions,fastisrunningandvoiceslikebees,slowisslowmotion,etc.(whenthemandiesslow,ittakesforever.)Thelastdirectionisdoitnormal,everyoneperformsandthedirectorisplease,thedirectorinstructsthemtodoitagainandsaystothecameraman,nowputthefilminthecamera!

LitterHurts

Ascoutcomesoutandbeginstalkingaboutlowimpactcampingandtheimportanceofpreservingnature.Ashewalksaround,heseesapieceoflitterandpicksitup.Hecomplainsaboutthethoughtlessnessofcamperswholitter.Nextascoutentersanddropslotsoflitterinhispath.Otherscoutsrushthelitteringscoutandbeathimup.Finallytheypickupthelitteringscoutandaskhimifhehaslearnanythingfrothisexperience?Heanswerspainfully:"Ilearnedthateverylitterbithurts!"(exitholdinginjuredpartsofbody.)TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits--52--

January1997

LittleGreenBall

Firstscoutcomesonandsays'OhnoI'velostit'Hethenstartstosearcharoundonthefloor.Secondscoutcomesinandaskswhatheislookingfor.Firstscoutrepliesthathehaslosthislittlegreenball.Bothscoutscontinuesearchingthefloor.Severalmorescoutscomeonandaretoldaboutthelostlittlegreenball.evenmembersoftheaudiencecanbepersuadedtojoininthesearch.Afterenoughtimehasbeendraggedout,thefirstscout,sticksafingeruphisnoseandsays"Don'tworryIwillhavetomakeanotherone"YUK!!!!!

ListenattheWall

Onepersongoesalongawalllisteningandlistening.Otherscomealongandaskhimwhatheisdoing.Hesaysdramatically,"Listen,"andtheothersdo.Oneofthemsays,"Idon'thearanything",inadisgustedvoice.

"LISTEN",hesaysmoredramaticallyandtheylistensomemore.Againsomeonesays,"Idon'thearanything."

Theoriginallistenersays,"Youknow,"withafarawaylook,"itsbeenlikethatallday."

allday."

LivingXylophone

Theinstrumentconsistsofseveralkneelingperformers.Theplayerstrikeseachontheheadwithafakemalletorhisfistasifplayingaxylophone.Eachplayeruttersasinglenotewhenstruck.Simplesongssuchas"Twinkle,Twinkle,LittleStar"canbeplayedthisway.

LobsterTail

TwoScoutsenterafancyseafoodrestaurant,seatedbyHost,givenmenus,theystudyanddiscussthemenus,etc.Waiterarrivestotakeorders.Onecustomerordersshrimp.Thesecondsays,"I'dlikealobstertail,Please."Waitersaysappropriatethings,goesaway,returnswithastorybook,sitsdownnearcustomertwobutfacesaudience,andbeginstoread;"Onceuponatime,therewasalittlelobster......."

TheLoonHunt

ThisisacuteoneobtainedfromtheMt.NorrisScoutReserve,Vermont,StaffCampfire.

Cast:Narrator,twohunters,Melican,Loon,wiseman

Setting:Outinthewoods

Narrator:Thisisthestoryofthelittle-knownMelicanandtwohunters'effortstocaptureit.Forinstance,watch.

TheMelican,whichhasbeendancingaroundduringtheNarrator'sspeech,suddenlyspotsthetwohunters,whoblunderingly,andunsuccessfully,attempttocatchtheMelican.Duringthenextspeech,allactorsactaccordingtotheNarrator'sstoryline.

Narrator:SeveraltimesourboldhuntersattempttocatchthisMelican;theyusetraps,"Melican"calls,evenasickloon.(Everyonceinawhiletheactorsmakeappropriatecomments.)Butallthiswastonoavail.Finally,theyconsultedawiseman.

Hunter1:Wiseman,wehavebeentryingtocatchtheMelicanforquiteawhile,butwithoutanysuccess.Weeventriedtolureitwithasickloon,becausewe'd

butwithoutanysuccess.Weeventriedtolureitwithasickloon,becausewe'dheardthatitwasagoodidea.Whatdoyousuggest?

Wiseman:(Inoneofthoseold,strained,manyyears-of-experiencesagevoices,)Youhavebeengoingaboutitalmostintherightway.ButtheMelicanalsoneedsasweetertrap!

Hunter1:(Bewildered)Uh...Thankyou,Wiseman!Let'sgo!

Hunter2:Whatdidhemeanbyasweetertrap?

Hunter1:Idon'tknow.Maybeweshouldfeedoursickloonsomesugar!

Hunter2:Sugar?

Hunter1:Yeah!Youknow,likesugarcuredham!

Narrator:Andsoourbravehunterstookabagofsugarandforceditdowntheloon'sthroat.Ahh...WatchnowastheMelicanspotsourloon.

TheMelicanseestheloonandDIVESforit,atwhichpoint,thehunterscapturetheMelican.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Narrator:OutbravehuntershavefinallysucceededincapturingtheMelican.Which,dearaudience,leadstothemoralofthisstory...AloonfulofsugarhelpstheMelicangodown!

LostItemaroundCampfire

Firstboysearchesthegroundaroundthecampfire.

Secondboy:"Whatareyoulookingfor,maybeIcanhelpyoufindit.

Firstboy:"Idroppedmyneckerchiefslide."

Firstboy:"Idroppedmyneckerchiefslide."

Secondboy:"Wherewereyoustandingwhenyoudroppedit."

Firstboy:"Overthere."(Hepointsintothedarkness."

Secondboy:"Thenwhyareyoulookingoverthere."

Firstboy:"Areyoukidding?It'stoodarkoverthere.Youcan'tseeathing."

TheLostLollipop

(Smallboyissitting,crying)

Passerby#1:(Enters)What'swronglittleboy,whyareyoucrying?

Boy:(Sobbing)Ilostmylollipop!

Passerby#1:Haveyoulookedforit?

Boy:(Continuestosob)Oh,yes,I'velookedundermybed,inmysockdrawer,andeveninCharlie'spocket.

Passerby#1:I'veheardthatchantingoftenworks.Youthinkveryhardaboutthelollipopuntilyoucanseeitinyourmind,andchant'lollipop'overandoveragain.

Boy:(Closingeyestightly)Bigredyummylollipop,bigredyummylollipop,bigredyummylollipop.

Passerby#1:(Nodsapprovalandstrollsout)

Boy:(Continueschantingforawhile,thenstartscryingagain)Passerby#2:(Enters)What'swrong,littleboy?

Boy:(Sobbing)Ilostmylollipop,andIhuntedandhunted,thenthismantoldmetochant,andIdid,anditdidn'twork!

Passerby#2:Chanted?

Boy:Yeah,likethis(Demonstrates,thenstartstocry)

Passerby#2:Don'tcrylittleboy.Maybeweneedmorehelp.

Boy:(Turnstoaudience)You'remyonlyhelptogetmylollipopback.Everybody,verysoftlynow,chantwithme,"Bigredyummylollipop,bigredyummylollipop,bigredyummylollipop."(Getseveryonedoingitinunison)Great!Ithinkit'sworking,keepgoingnow.

Passerby#1:(Re-enters)Hilittleboy.Diditwork?

Boy:(Loudly)No,itdidn't,butIdidfindawholelotofsuckers!

TheLostQuarter

NumberofParticipants:5ormore

Props:Flashlight

Scene:Onepersonactsasalamppost,shiningaflashlightontheground.Another(#1)isgropingaroundinthepooloflight.

Athirdpersonenters,sees#1,andasks:"Whatareyoulookingfor?"

#1:"AquarterthatIlost".

Hejoins#1,andhelpshimsearch.Afourthandfifthenterandrepeattheabovescene.

Finallyoneofthemasks#1:"Wheredidyouloosethequarter?"

#1:(Pointingaway)"Overthere:.

Boy:"Thenwhyareyoulookinghere?"

#1:"Becausethelightisbetteroverhere!"

LunchBreak

Props:Lunchbagsorpails.

Announcer:Weseehereaconstructionsite.Itisnowlunchtime,andtwofriendsareabouttoeat.

Worker1:(Openslunchbagandlooksverydisgusted)Yechhhh!!Eggsaladsandwichesagain!

Worker2:Look,ifyouhatethemthatbad,I'llswapwithyou.

(Bothpretendtoeat,thenexit.)

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

Announcer:Thenextday.

Worker1:(EnterswithWorker2,openslunchbagandlooksverydisgusted)Yechhhh!!!Eggsaladsandwichesagain!

Worker2:O.K...I'lltradewithyouagain.(Bothpretendtoeat,thenexit.)Announcer:Thenextday.

Worker1:(EnterswithWorker2,openslunchbagandlooksverydisgusted)Yechhh!!Eggsaladsandwichesagain!

Worker2:(Angrily)Look,ifyoudon'tlikeeggsaladsandwiches,whydon'tyouaskyour(wife/mom/significantother)tomakesomethingelse?

Worker1:My(wife/mom/significantother)??She'sgotnothingtodowithit.Imakemyownsandwiches!

MadReporter

Thesceneisabridgewhereaverydepressedreporterisabouttojumpoff(theendofthestageoraplatformcouldbetheendofthebridge).Thereportersaysthathehashadit,can'tgetabigstory,allwashedupandwantstoenditall.Hecallsout,one,two,swinginghisarmswhenanotherpersonshowsupandaskswhatisgoingon.Hetellshimhissadstorywhichencourageshimtotellhimhis;theybothgetdepressedanddecidetojump.Theycallout,one,two,andanotherpersonshowsup.Theyeachtellthispersontheirsadstoryandhe

anotherpersonshowsup.Theyeachtellthispersontheirsadstoryandhedecidestojumpto.OncemoretheycalloutOne,...Two,...Three!Allthepeoplejumpexceptforthereporterwhorunsoffsaying;"I'vegotagreatstory,twopeoplejumpoffthebridge.Waituntilthebossseesthis."Abuildingcouldbeusedaswellasabridge.

TheMagicBandanna

Twoguyscomeout,oneisthemagician,onehisnotsosmartassistant.Themagicianintroduceshisactandsendshisassistanttoatablebehindhim.ThemagicianfacingtheaudiencetellsHerkimertodoexactlyashesays.ThereisatablebyHerkimerwhichhasabandannaandabanana.ThemagicianasksHerkimertopickupthebandannaandtoperformvariousactionssuchasputthebandannainhisrighthand,folditinhalf,foldthefourcornerstogether,stuffitinhisleftfistanduponone,two,three,itwilldisappear.However,Herkimer,picksupthebanana,notthebandannaandperformstheseactions.AttheendwhenHerkimerissupposedtoshowhisfist,forthedisappearanceofthebandanna,hethrowsthemashedupbananaatthemagicianinstead.Themagicianchaseshimoffstage.

TheMagicDoctor'sChair

Charactersrequired,1doctorandfourpatients.Propsrequired,twochairs.

Scenebeginswithdoctorsittingononeofthechairs.

Firstpatiententerstwitchingtheirleftarm.

DOCTOR:'Andwhat'swrongwithyousir?'

Patient1:'AsyoucanseedoctorIhavethisterribletwitch'

DOCTOR:'Justsitonmymagicchairandyou'llgetbetter'

Thepatientsitsonthechairandstopstwitching,butthedoctor'sleftarmstartstwitching.

Patient1:'Ohthankyoudoctor.youcuredme'

Thepatientleaves,thedoctorstilltwitchingcallsforthenextpatient.

DOCTOR:'Next'......'Andwhat'swrongwithyousir?'

DOCTOR:'Next'......'Andwhat'swrongwithyousir?'

Thispatienthasthehiccups.Theprocessofsittinginthechairisrepeated.Thedoctornowhasatwitchandthehiccups.

Thethirdpatientiscalledin,bothhislegskeepflickingintheair.Theprocessisagainrepeatedsothatthedoctornowhasatwitchingarmthehiccupsandbothlegsflickingintheair.

Thedoctornowcallspatientfour.Thispatientlooksquitenormal,entersandsitsinthemagicchair.

DOCTOR:'AndwhatmayIaskiswrongwithyousir?'

Patient4:'I'vegotaterriblecaseofthetrotsdoctor'Thedoctorrunsoffthestageholdinghisstomach.

Note:TROTSisEnglishslangforcan'tstopgoingtothetoilet

--ThankstotheAustralianScoutAssociation

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

--55--

January1997

MartianMamma

Mammaiswashingdishes,backtobaby.Babysaysthathewantsadrink."Rightinfrontofyoudear",saysmamma.Babypicksupgreendrink.BabysaysthathewantsMartianCreamPie,gettingrealpushy,aggressive,andbratty;throwingthedrinkonthefloor.Babytellsmammathathespilledhiscometjuice.Mammaturnsaroundputtingouttwofakearmstellingthebabythatsheonlyhasfourarms.

MeasurementProblem

Ittakesallkinds.

Need:3scouts(2olderscoutsand1CubScout).

(TwoScoutscomeonstagecarryingalongpole.Theypropitup,thenstandbackandlookatit.)Scout1:Now,thereareseveralwayswecanfigureouttheheightofthispole.Howdoyouwanttostart?

(TheScoutsunsuccessfullytryvariousmethodsofestimationtocalculatetheheightofthepole.Theconversationgoessomethinglike....)

Scout1:Accordingtomycalculations,thatpoleisabout2mhigh.

Scout2:There'snoway.Ithasgottobeshorterthanthat.Justlookatit.

(ThiskindofexchangerepeatsseveraltimesastheScoutsobviouslybecomemoreandmoreexasperated.

ACubstrollsontothestage.)

Cub:Hi!(hewatchesabit)Whatareyouguystryingtodo?

Scout2:We'retryingtomeasuretheexactheightofthispole.

Scout1:Wehaven'thadtoomuchluck,yet,butwe'llgetit.

Cub:Whydon'tyoujustlaythepoleonthegroundandmeasureitslength?

Scout1:(scornfully)Cubs!

Scout2:I'llsay.(TotheCub)Didn'tyouhearright?Wewanttoknowhowtallthepoleis-nothowlongitis

--ThankstoTheU.S.ScoutingServiceProject

MedicalGenius

Settingistheofficeofafamouspsychiatrist.Heisseatedbehindatable.Nursebringsinapatientwithaflowerpotonhishead.Anotherpatiententersandrunsaround,wavinghisarmsasifflying.Nextpatientkeepsbrushinghisclothesandcomplainsaboutbugscrawlingonhim.Doctorsays:"Forheaven'ssake,don'tbrushthemoffonme.!"

MilitaryGenius

Sergeantisdrillingagroupofuniformedmen,whoareaprettysloppylot-shoestringsuntied,shirttailsout,collarsunbuttoned,hatsatoddanglesetc.Sergeantdrillsinamarch,buttheygointhewrongdirections,tripwhileturning,andsoon.Finally,hehasofthegroupmarchingleftandtheotherhalfmarchingright.Heinstructsthemtoreversedirectionandturnandmarchtowardeachother.Insteadofpassingbetweeneachother,theymeetheadonandallfalldown.Sergeantweepsbitterlyintoalargehandkerchief,stepsamongtheprostratebodiesandpretendstojumpupanddownonthem.

MixedBodyActing

Fastenashirtbackwardsaroundthefirstperson'sneck,leavingthesleevesempty.Haveasecondpersonstandbehindthefirstandputhisarmsthroughtheshirtsleeves.Asheetisheldbytwoothersbehindtheheadofthesingerhidingthesecondperson.Asthefirstpersonsings,thesecondpersongestureswithhishands.Thiscanbedonewithmorethanonesinger.Variation1:Insteadofsinginghavethesecondpersontryingtodovariousordinaryactssucheatingfromabowl,tyingshoes,cookingsuchascrackingeggs(onthenarratorasonepossibility)etc.

MixedUpMagic

Childistoldtocleanroom.Thechildhatestocleanhisroomsohegetsouthisbookofmagicspellsanduseonetocleantheroom.Unfortunately,theroomgetsworsewithclothesetc.throwninfromoffstage.Thishappensagaintwice.Thechilddecideshemightaswellcleanupthismessandproceedstodoso.Whentheroomisfinallyclean,thechildisreadytothrowthemagicbookinthegarbage.Thechildtalkingtohimselfsays,"EnoughofthisHocusPocus".Morestufffliesin.Thechildmoansnotagain!

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

TheMotorcycleGang

Sometimestheloserloses,nomatterwhathetries.

Asmalltentissetuponstage.Itshouldbeeasytocollapse,andprobablyshouldnotbeyourbesttent;itgetscollapsedbytheweightofseveralScouts.

TwoScoutswalkonstagetogether.Theycalleachother"Master"and"Slave"astheydiscussthetriptheyaretaking.Theynoticethatitisgettingdark,anddecidetospendthenight.TheMasterannouncesthathewillsleepinthetent.Asheclimbsintothetent,theSlavestartstocomeinalso.TheMastertellshimthatthereisonlyroomforoneperson,andthattheSlavemustsleepoutside.TheSlaveprotestsweakly,looksdisgusted,andeventuallyliesdownontheground.Theygotosleep.

Agangofmotorcyclistsroarsontothefarendofthestage,makingmotorcyclenoisesandpretendingthattheyareriding.Theystop,discoverandpointatthesleepingSlave,anddiscussamongthemselves,"Let'sgethim!"

TheyrushacrossthestageandbeatuptheSlave,whoscreamsandcallsforhelp.Thegangrushesaway,"Let'sgetoutofhere!"

TheSlaverushestotheMaster'stentandwakeshim.Hetellsexcitedlyabouttheattack,andbegstosleepinthetent.TheMasterrefusestobelievehim,accuseshimofinventingthestory,andsendshimbacktosleepoutside.Againtheygotosleep.

Themotorcyclegangreappears,andrepeatsthescene.TheSlaveisterrorizedandinsistsonsleepinginthetent.Hegetsdownonhiskneesandpleads.TheMasterisangry,andcallshimacoward.JusttoshowtheSlavethatthereisnothingtofear,theMasterdecidesthathewillstayoutsideandtheSlavewillsleepinthetent.

Themotorcyclegangappearsagain,andconfersatsomelength.Theydecide,"Thistime,let'sgettheguyinthetent!"TheyknockthetentdownandfallontheSlave-again.

TheMotorcycleShop

TheMotorcycleDealerintroduceshimselfandhisshop.Hestocksmanytypesofmotorcycles,andtheyareallinexcellentcondition.Infact,hewill

ofmotorcycles,andtheyareallinexcellentcondition.Infact,hewilldemonstratehowgoodtheyarebymakingasaletothenextcustomerwhowalksinthedoor.

First,ofcourse,heneedssomevolunteersfromtheaudience.Threeareselected,andeachisbriefedquicklyashecomestothefront.(Choosescapegoatswhohavecharacteristicssimilartothemotorcycletheywillrepresent.)Thefirstistogoslowlywhenstarted.Thesecondwillgoveryfast,almostlosingitsrider.Thethirdshouldnotgoanywhere.Theyarelinedupontheirhandsandkneesfacingthecrowd."Now,"saystheDealer,"YoucanseewhatfinemotorcyclesIhave."

AScoutwalksinandasksifhehasanymotorcyclesforsale.Ofcourse,theDealeriseagertoshowhisstock.

ThisfirstoneisaSmith(usethevictim'sname).It'sonly200cc's,butanicelittlemachine.TheDealermakeshissalespitchandinvitestheBuyertogoforaride.TheBuyerstraddlestheSmith,raiseshimselfupandmimicsusingthekickstarter.TheBuyermakesmotorcyclenoises,notveryenergetically.He'rides'(actuallystraddlesandwalks)theSmitharoundinaslowcircle,returningtothestartingpoint."That'stooslow,"saystheBuyer,"Doyouhaveanythingmorepowerful?"

Thenextmotorcycleisa1000ccYablonski.AgaintheBuyerclimbsaboardandoperatesthekickstarter.

TheYablonskiroarstolifeandracesaroundinacircle.TheBuyercanbarelyholdon."That'stoofast!Icouldkillmyselfonthatone!"

TheDealersayshethinkshehasjusttherightone,aJonesthatherecentlyreceivedontrade-in.It'singoodconditionandhasabouttherightpower.TheBuyerclimbsonandtriestostart.Hemakessputteringnoises.

Afterseveraltrials,hecomplainsthatsomethingjustisn'trightbecausetheJoneswon'tstart.Hegetsoffandstandslookingatthemotorcycle.

TheDealeryellsangrilytoJoe,whoisoffstage,"Joe!IthoughtItoldyoutoputgasintheJones!"

Joereplies,"SorryBoss!I'lldoitrightnow!"JoeentersquicklywithabucketorgascanandpourswaterontotherearendoftheJones.

Mr.Kerplunk

AnnouncehimasMr.Kerplunktheworldrenownspitter.HecouldbeFrench,German,etc.withtheappropriateaccent.Hesayshewilldemonstrateseveralofhisfamousspitsforthegroup.AnassistantholdsabucketacrossthestageforMr.Kerplunktospitinto(taponthebottomofthebuckettocreatethespecialeffect).

Herearesomeexamplesofspitstousebutbecreativeincreatingyourown:1)ShortShot:Hespits;soundeffectcomesimmediately.

TheMacScouter'sBigBookofSkits

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January1997

2)RicochetShot:Hespitsforasidewall(treeetc.ifoutside)andwatchesitbouncearoundbeforeithitsthebucket.

3)LongShot:Hespitsandfollowsthelongarcwithhishead;soundmadeafteralongpause.

4)FastShot:Soundeffectismadebeforehespits.

5)SuperShot:Advertisedasthemostfamous.Spendsaminutegettingmouthfullofspit,checksbulgeoutandfinallyspits.Guyinfrontstandsupandwipeswaterorraweggfromeye.

MusicalGenius

Theannouncermakesafloweryintroductionabouthowfortunatetheaudienceistohavetheopportunitytohearthesplendidvocalgroupabouttoperform.Aftertheintroduction,thegroupmarchesontostageandlinesupacrossthefront.Theannouncerstatesthattheirfirstnumberwillbethatappealingballad"TheLittleLostSheep".

Followingashortmusicalintroduction,singersopentheirmouthsandproducealong,loud"Baa-a-a".

long,loud"Baa-a-a".

MusicalToiletSeatSalesman

Ascoutisadoortodoorsalesman,sellingMusicalToiletSeats:Ifyouhavesomecardboardmakepropsliketoiletseats.Salesmanapproacheseachhomeknocksonthedoorandsellstheseat:Salesman:"Goodmorningsir,Iliketoshowyouthenewestthinginelectronictechnology.Mycompanyhasdevelopedthenewmusicaltoiletseat.Wouldyoubeinterestedinbuyingthismoderndaymarvel?"(hamthisup,pleadbeg,etc.beadoortodoorsalesman)Customer1:"DoyouhaveonethatplaysDixie?"Customer2askedfor"EattheRich".Customer3askedfor"StarSpangledBanner"Salesman,Isuredo,Hereitis,Ihopeyoulikeit.I'llcomebacktomorrowtomakesureyouaresatisfied."

ThenextdaytheSalesmangoesbackandaskedofeachcustomer:Howdidyoulikethemusicaltoiletseat.?

Customer1:"Itwasgreat,itplayedDixieandIsattherewithabucketoffriedchickenenjoyingeachnote.

Customer2:"Itwasgreat.IlistenedandreadacopyoftheRollingStonemagazine."Customer3:"Ihatedit,Itjustdidnotworkout.

SalesmanrespondstoCustomer3:"wehaveneverhadanunsatisfiedcustomer,whatwentwrong?

Customer3:"It'sthatmusic."EverytimeIsitdownonthetoilet,itstartsplayingtheStarSpangledBannerandIhavetostandupagain!"

Norbert

NorbertisanunusualyoungScoutwhoisveryproudofbeingself-sufficient,andlikestotellusabouthisability.Heisalittleuncoordinated,muchtothedelightoftheaudience.

Thisskitisbestpresentedindoorswitharelativelysmallaudience,soNorbert'sdemonstrationisappreciatedupclose.Theskitisbestifnotrehearsed.

Preparation

DocumentOutline

IntroductionStagingSkitsOtherSourcesofSkitsTheBigBookofSkits

TheAirplaneAirplaneShortRunwayAmericanFolkTaleSkitTheAntsArtisticGeniusTheGreatAugTheBabies&DadsBackpackingABadTurnBalloonOrchestraTheBaseballGameBearHuntBeeStingTheRootBeerCommercialBellRinger#1BellRinger#2BellRinger#3BePreparedTheBestSpitterInTheWorldTheBetterThiefTheBicycleShopBigGameHuntingBigItchTheBiggerJerkTheBiggestTurkeyBlackBartTheBlanketTossingTeamBlindfoldBonfireBorderCrossingBrainShop

BrainTransplantTheBriefcaseABrotherhoodofScoutingTheBubbleGumontheStreetTheBubbleGumintheStudiosBuffaloStoriesBusDriverC.P.R.CamelPatrolCampCoffeeSketchCanYouDoThis?TheCandyShopTheCandyStoreCandyStoreCandyStore(variation)ChangeUnderwearChewingGumChinFacesClimbThatTheCompassTheComplainingMonkContagiousDiseaseWardCourtCaseCourtSceneCrazyCharlieCubCookoutCubOlympicsCubScoutSocksCubShopDamn!(orshouldIsayDarn?)DancingKneeDollsTheDangerousTentTheDeadBodyTheDenMother'sBouquetDidYouHaveV-8?DinnerSpecialDoctor!Doctor!Doctor'sOfficeDoggieDoctor

DoggieDooTheDumbActorsEasterBunnyTheEchoEcho,again!EchoPointElevatedGumTheElevatorEmergencyRoomDoctorTheEnlargingMachineEskimoPieTheFailedReporterTheFireFirebuildingTheFiringSquad

Version2:FishMarketFishin'FishingFishingonaParkBenchFishingSuccessTheFishingTripFlasherFleaTheFleaCircusFloratheFleaFlyintheSoupFlyingHighFlyintheSoupFood,Water&MirrorontheSaharaTheFortuneTellerFourLeafCloverTheFourSeasonsFredtheTrainedFleaFriendsofYearsTheFrightenedHunterGameShowGatheringoftheNutsIGatheringoftheNutsII

TheGeneralStoreTheGhostofMidnightGhostWithOneBlackEye

GhostcatchersGiantWormGlassofWaterGoCartGoneFishin'TheGoodSamaritanGoodSoupGranny!WakeUp!Granny'sCandyStoreTheGreatestSpitterintheWorldGreaseGreenSideUp!GreenSideUp!TheGreyhoundBusTheGrowingMachineTheHairCutMachineHairyHamburgerHarlemGlobetrottersHaveYouSeenmyBellyButton?TheHeartAttackHeaven'sGateHerman,TheTrainedFleaHiccupforMeTheHighestTreeclimberintheWorldAHotMeal!HowdoIdoThat?HowtoMaketheTeamHowtoWashAnElephantIGottaGoWeeIgorI'mGonnaGetYou!I'mRussian!TheImportantPapersTheImportantMeetingIntheFurnitureStoreTheInfantryTheInjury

TheInspectionIntelligenceIntheFurnitureStoreTheInvisibleBenchIsaTrainPassingToday?IsCaptainKiddAfraidofHimself?IsItTimeYet?IGottaGoWeee!J.C.PenneyJointheArmy!JokeTellerJumboBurgersTheJumpKarateOrientaleKeepCanadaBeautifulContestKnotDemonstrationTheKing'sRaisinsKnotDemonstrationTheLandSharkTheLawnMowerITheLawnmowerIILearningEnglishLearningtheAlphabetLetMeHaveIt!LettersfromHomeLieDetectorTheLighthouseSketchTheLighthouseLighteningStrikeLights,Camera,ActionLitterHurtsLittleGreenBallListenattheWallLivingXylophoneLobsterTailTheLoonHuntLostItemaroundCampfireTheLostLollipopTheLostQuarter

LunchBreakMadReporterTheMagicBandannaTheMagicDoctor'sChairMartianMammaMeasurementProblemMedicalGeniusMilitaryGeniusMixedBodyActingMixedUpMagicTheMotorcycleGangTheMotorcycleShopMr.KerplunkMusicalGeniusMusicalToiletSeatSalesmanNorbertNapoleon'sLastFarewellTheNewBadgeTheNewCarNewSawNewsFlash!NoRocketScientistNosebleedNoSkitNuttyFishermanTheNursesOffensiveBusPassengerOh-Wa-Ta-Goo-SiamTheOldGumOldMovieSceneOldSocksTheOldeLighthouseOlympicDramaOOOOOOABug!TheOperationTheOuthouseintheYangtzeRiverTheOuthouseSketchTheOutlawOvertheCliff

ThePage(TheSkit)PaintingtheWallsPantherTracksTheParachuteThePartyWarehousePassthePepperPatience,Jackass,Patience!PeanutsPeanutsintheLakePencilsPetShopPickin'CottonPickpocket

PickpocketsPickpockets#2PieintheFaceThePilferedWarehouseThePirateFamilyPlaneLandingPlayBallPLCMeetingPoisonSpringThePoorExcusesPopCommercialPostOffice/King'sRoyalPaperPottedPlantPresentsfortheTeacherPrisonerTheProfessor'sAddressPuppyintheBoxAQuietDayRaisinRealThingReggieandtheColonelTheRestaurantRestaurantMinutesRise,Walk,andKill,IgorRiverRunRowing

SalesmanSaloonSargeAndThePrivateSchool'sonFireScientificGeniusTheScoutUniformScoutmaster'sBrainsScoutmaster'sGiftScoutmaster'sSawTheScrewyNavelShapeUp!TheShortRunwayTheShrimpyBoxerShutUp!TheSiberianChickenFarmerSidewalkClimbingSingerSixWiseTravelersTheSleepWalkerSlugTrainersTheSmartScoutSmokeSignalsTheSneezeSoldierIntheBattlefieldSomeoneChantedEveningSoundsoftheLostScoutmasterTheSoundsoftheWildernessSourNotesSpaceDerbySkit.TheSpecialPapersSpellingContestTheSplitBallSPL'sTooToughToBeTastySpringSpringisSprung!StarGazingSt.PeterTheStatueWarehouseStatuesinthePark

TheStrangeTreesSubmarineSubmarinePatrolSubmarineTrainingTheSuccessfulFishermanSuperClutzATalkingMartian!TanketyTankTentingThar'saBearThere'saBear!TheThinkerTheThirstyDonkeyTheThirstyFishermanThreeAgainst1000ThreeRiversThreeRiversIIThreeScoopsTicketLineTimeontheParkBenchTimothyEatonToothacheToothpasteTracksTheTrainedCaterpillarTheTrainSkitTheTreesTrickorTreatTrimmingtheChristmasTreeTurkeyContestTheTwelveDaysofChristmasTwistMouthFamilyUgliestManintheWorld(orBadBreath)UglyBabyUpHaroldUpsideDownSingersVampireSnackTheViperisComingTheWall

TheWaiterWaiter!TheWaitingRoomWashington'sFarewellWater,Water!WeAin'tGottheMoneyfortheMortgageontheFarmWeHit!TheWeatherManTheWell-TrainedElephantWhattheHeckWasThat?WhatTimeisit?What'stheProblem?What's2+2?WhoSneezed?WhyAreYouLate?WorldsGreatestPitcherTheWorld'sGreatestSpitterTheWorld'sUgliestManWhataDayTheWrongSkitYouDon'tSay!YouNeedaTie,SirYou'veBrokentheRules!YukonWinter49...49...49The5thFloor7JerksontheLine

Walk-ons,Run-onsandOtherShortsTheAnnouncementGoingtoCourtBeamMeUpSmokeSignalsLittleBrotherSquirrelsItsAllAroundMe!LeavingPullingStringAllOverMeThrowingUp

FireDrillAlienTheRulerI'maRabbitMissedPopQuizWait!Wait!WhataDay

TheNuttyFishermanBeeStingFinale