How? What? When?€¦ · Three Types of Parents 1 Helicopter 2 Drill Sergeant 3 Consultant....

How? What? When?

Communicating with Teens

Slides on my website

www.parentingwithlogic.com

(under Parent Resources)

Mary Eschen:

mary@parentingwithlogic.com

Communicating with Teens

How? Three Types of Parents

Helicopter1 Drill Sergeant2 Consultant3

Helicopters

COMMUNICATION TYPE:

• Nagging & Hovering

• Try to make world perfect

• Fix things when they go wrong

Drill Sergeants

COMMUNICATION TYPE:

• Yelling/Telling

• No chance for discussion

• Shut down child’s opinions

Consultant

COMMUNICATION TYPE:

• Chatting/Talking

• Don’t lecture

• Show RESPECT

• Seize the moment!

Seize the Moment

Spotlights not appreciated

Seize the Moment: Play Games

Puzzles Board games

Card gamesVideo Games

Seize the Moment: Do Activities

Drive in the car Gardening

ArtHike

What do you communicate when . . .

Nagging? Yelling?

Chatting?Telling?

What do you communicate when . . .

Confidence

vs

Incompetence

Helpfulness

vs

Interference

When?

WHAT we say is

as important as

WHEN we say it

When emotion is involved

When?

When

emotion

is

involved

Go ”Brain Dead”

When things calm down . . .

Ask

Notice . . . Don’t nag . . .

Use “I noticed”

If they didn’t notice . . .

Don’t push!

Set Loving Limits

• State what YOU will Do

• Keep positive

• No lectures needed

Give Choices• Shared control is HUGE!

• Child isn’t cornered into box

• Parent isn’t cornered either

• Give only choices YOU like!

Allow mistakes

Builds confidence IF

• Lovingly allowed –

EMPATHY

• No “I told you so” taunting

Listening Improvement Test Drive

When to do homework

Options

• Choices

• Brain Dead

• Empathy

When to go to bed

Options

• Choices

• Empathy

Waking UpOptions

• Choices

• Empathy

• Loving Limits

Options

• Choices

• Loving Limits

When to get off electronics

Top Listening Improvement Ideas

• Don’t lecture, have a conversation

• Don’t attack

• Show respect for child’s opinions

• Keep it short and simple!

• Seize the moment

Need help

• Email: mary@parentingwithlogic.com

• Website:

parentingwithlogic.com

• Monthly Newsletter – send me an email!

• Come to a Love and Logic Class

• Hire a “parenting coach” …. Me!

End