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How? What? When?
Communicating with Teens
Slides on my website
www.parentingwithlogic.com
(under Parent Resources)
Mary Eschen:
Communicating with Teens
How? Three Types of Parents
Helicopter1 Drill Sergeant2 Consultant3
Helicopters
COMMUNICATION TYPE:
• Nagging & Hovering
• Try to make world perfect
• Fix things when they go wrong
Drill Sergeants
COMMUNICATION TYPE:
• Yelling/Telling
• No chance for discussion
• Shut down child’s opinions
Consultant
COMMUNICATION TYPE:
• Chatting/Talking
• Don’t lecture
• Show RESPECT
• Seize the moment!
Seize the Moment
Spotlights not appreciated
Seize the Moment: Play Games
Puzzles Board games
Card gamesVideo Games
Seize the Moment: Do Activities
Drive in the car Gardening
ArtHike
What do you communicate when . . .
Nagging? Yelling?
Chatting?Telling?
What do you communicate when . . .
Confidence
vs
Incompetence
Helpfulness
vs
Interference
When?
WHAT we say is
as important as
WHEN we say it
When emotion is involved
When?
When
emotion
is
involved
Go ”Brain Dead”
When things calm down . . .
Ask
Notice . . . Don’t nag . . .
Use “I noticed”
If they didn’t notice . . .
Don’t push!
Set Loving Limits
• State what YOU will Do
• Keep positive
• No lectures needed
Give Choices• Shared control is HUGE!
• Child isn’t cornered into box
• Parent isn’t cornered either
• Give only choices YOU like!
Allow mistakes
Builds confidence IF
• Lovingly allowed –
EMPATHY
• No “I told you so” taunting
Listening Improvement Test Drive
When to do homework
Options
• Choices
• Brain Dead
• Empathy
When to go to bed
Options
• Choices
• Empathy
Waking UpOptions
• Choices
• Empathy
• Loving Limits
Options
• Choices
• Loving Limits
When to get off electronics
Top Listening Improvement Ideas
• Don’t lecture, have a conversation
• Don’t attack
• Show respect for child’s opinions
• Keep it short and simple!
• Seize the moment
Need help
• Email: [email protected]
• Website:
parentingwithlogic.com
• Monthly Newsletter – send me an email!
• Come to a Love and Logic Class
• Hire a “parenting coach” …. Me!
End
