COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES

COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES

Learning Objectives• Identify common communication problems that

may be holding you back• Learn techniques to persuade and influence others• Develop skills in asking questions that give you

information you need• Learn what your non-verbal messages are telling

others• Enhance your ability to handle difficult situations

Group Exercise

• What is a good communicator?• Quotes

PERCEPTION & VALUES

Perception

• Experience, education, and culture all affect our perception.

• Turn to Page 8 in manual

Group Exercise

• What is the purpose of knowing your (or other people’s) personality?

OPTIONS AND PROCEDURE

Options people like thinking about the big picture

They enjoy knowledge for knowledge’s sake

Options People are abstract thinkers

They see patterns and think outside the “box”

Options people want to know the “big why”

They are bottom line driven, and believe things can be perfect

PROCEDURE PEOPLE

On the other hand…

Procedure people value specifics and fact based details

They are interested in how to do something, not why

Procedure people love cheat sheets and lists; they are note takers

They are practical and work well within a rule based system

Options and procedure personalitiesgravitate to particular occupations

In the United States, most people are Procedural

Different types of people perceive the world in different ways

You should be able to identify and communicate effectively with people that are different.

Personal Exercise: Audience Action Matrix

• Think of something you want someone to do, think, feel or buy. Write a brief script of that request to two different audiences.

• Draft- “OPTIONS” Audience: • Draft- “PROCEDURE” Audience: • Draft- “MIXED” Audience:

GET YOUR POINT ACROSS AT WORK

• Turn to page 17 in Manual

Use the STARR format to make a big impact in a short period of time

STARR: Situation, Task, Action, Results, and Recommendations

STARR: Situation, Task, Action, Results, and Recommendations

• This organizational strategy keeps you from leaving out important information. – Some speakers neglect to tell an audience what they

need to know. – Others forget to tell the audience what they want to

know. • Memorize it and use it for instant organization,

especially if someone puts you on the spot for a response.

STARR: Situation, Task, Action, Results, and Recommendations

• Turn to page 19 in Manual

EFFECTIVE LISTENING

The Appearance of Listening

• Turn to page 22 in Manual

Good body positioning increases our ability to listen and comprehend

Active Listening

Eye contact

BlendingQuestions

Paraphrasing

Blending (mirroring) body language can create rapport and trust

Paraphrasing is an active listening response that increases understanding of the content of the message

Paraphrasing

• To avoid defensiveness on the part of the speaker, it is important to stay as close as possible to the ideas expressed.

• It is also important to put the message into your own words to avoid sounding like you are mindlessly parroting back his/her statements.

Paraphrasing: sample opening statements

• It sounds like what you’re saying is… • Let me see if I understand you, what I’m

hearing is… • So what I hear you saying is…

Paraphrasing

• The exception is a very short paraphrase which simply provides a transition into further detail/clarification: – Statement: "I hate Mondays."

Transitional paraphrase: "You hate Mondays?"

Active Listening/Questioning

• Active listening questions are non-leading and non-judgmental

• At best, they are open-ended, suggesting areas for exploration without anticipating specific content of the speaker’s response.

Active listening questions fall into 5 experiential categories

Observation: "What happened?"

Meaning: "What do you mean?"

Affect: "How do you feel?"

Motive: "What do you want?"

Action: "What will you do?"

Active Listening

• Active Listening: Mind Tools• Active Listening: Taft College

Active Listening

• Turn to page 27 in Manual

BODY LANGUAGE WHILE SPEAKINGBest Practices

Body Language While Speaking

Body Language While Speaking

Body Language While Speaking

ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION

Assertive Communication

• How is being assertive different from being aggressive?

• What causes people to avoid being assertive? • Do you have trouble saying no, even when you

really should?• Do you feel like people walk all over you?• Do you have trouble keeping your temper

under control?

What is Assertiveness?

• Assertiveness is the ability to express your opinions, feelings, attitudes, and rights, without undue anxiety, in a way that does not infringe on the rights of others.

• It is not aggressiveness; it's a middle ground between being a bully and a doormat.

Four Types of

Assertion

Basic

Empathic

Escalating

I-Language

Basic Assertion

• A simple, straightforward expression of your beliefs, feelings, or opinions.– "I want" or "I feel" statement

Empathic Assertion

• This conveys some sensitivity to the other person. It usually contains two parts. – recognize the other person's situation or feelings– followed by a statement in which you stand up for

your rights• Example:– "I know you've really been busy, and I want to feel

that our relationship is important to you. I want you to make time for me and for us."

Escalating Assertion

• This occurs when the other person fails to respond to your basic assertion and continues to violate your rights.

• You gradually escalate the assertion and become increasingly firm.

• It may even include the mention of some type of resulting action on your part, made only after several basic assertive statements.

Escalating Assertion

• Example:– "If you don't complete the work on my car by 5:00

tomorrow, I'll be forced to call the Better Business Bureau."

I-Language Assertion

• This is especially useful for expressing negative feelings. It involves a 3-part statement:1. When you do…• (describe the behavior)

2. The effects are …• (describe how the behavior concretely affects you)

3. I'd prefer…• (describe what you want)

It helps you constructively focus anger and be clear about your own feelings

I-Language Assertion

• Example: – “When you didn't buy the groceries like you said

you would, I couldn't cook the dinner for my parents. I feel hurt and angry with you. Next time, I'd like you to follow through when you agree to do something like that."

There are three parts of each assertive statementTurn to page 36-37 in Manual

1. Empathy and/or validation

2. Statement of problem

3. Statement of what you want

Self Exercise: Assertive Communication Script

1. empathy/validation:

2. statement of problem:

3. statement of what you want:

SAMPLE ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION

How to be effectively assertiveUse assertive body language

Use “I” statements

Use facts, not judgments

Express ownership of your thoughts, feelings & opinions

Make clear, direct requests

How to be effectively assertive

Use assertive body language

•Face the other person•stand or sit straight•don't use dismissive gestures•be sure you have a pleasant, but serious facial expression•keep your voice calm and soft, not whiney or abrasive.

How to be effectively assertive

Use “I” statements

•Keep the focus on the problem you're having, not on accusing or blaming the other person.• Example: "I'd like to be able to tell my stories

without interruption." instead of "You're always interrupting my stories!"

How to be effectively assertive

Use Facts not Judgments

•Example: "Your punctuation needs work and your formatting is inconsistent" instead of "This is sloppy work." •or "Did you know that shirt has some spots?" instead of "You're not going out looking like THAT, are you?"

How to be effectively assertive

Express ownership of your thoughts, feeling, and opinions

•Example: "I get angry when he breaks his promises." instead of "He makes me angry."

How to be effectively assertive

Make clear, direct, requests

•Don't invite the person to say no. •Example: "Will you please ... ?" instead of

"Would you mind … ?" or "Why don't you … ?"

Group Exercise

• Practice your assertive communication technique with a partner

COMMUNICATING REGRET

“I’m sorry” has a special place in our culture, we want to hear it and believe it

People want to know that you understand how you affected themPeople will tell you less how you made them feel or how your actions affected them if they recognize that you understand

We all want to believe it will be different next timeAn expectation that the event won’t be repeated creates safety and allows them to let the issue go

The Apology Model helps us do it right the first time

The Apology Model

Self Exercise: Communicating Regret

• Turn to pages 46-47 in Manual

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

• 1. Think of a few people who do little things that bother you. List 2 things they do.

• 2. What keeps you from talking to people about the little things they do that bother you?

• 3. What do you do when you need to bring up a problem but don’t want to make a big deal out of it?

Competitive Language

Collaborative Language

Yes, but… Yes, and…

But AndHowever(.)

Why did you do that? How did you come up with that as an option?

You, Me, I Us, We, Our Whatever… Help me understand….

Everyone has little things that they’d like to bring up and they don’t

Often, identifying a problem behavior or action, and describing its consequences is often enough to bring about resolution

We need a tool to address small problems before they get out of hand

• It is also important to sound authentic; you should use speech patterns that seem natural, and not like forced “workshop talk.”

• Studies have shown that if you begin a sentence with the person’s name, they pay attention.

Personal Exercise: Addressing Small Problems

• Apply the tool to plan your direct statement to the co-worker who does things that bother you.

• 1. What do you want to have happen as a result of your message?

• 2. Are you assuming any intentions? What could they be?

• 3. What are the actions that you will focus on?

• “_____________when you________________________, I feel ______________.”• Name non-judgmental description of behavior/actions feeling concern

NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING

Neuro-Linguistic Programming • While the name is awkward—and some object to the word “programming"—it is

nonetheless descriptive.

• Neuro refers to the brain and neural pathways of the human organism through which our experience is processed via our five senses (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, and gustatory).

• Linguistic is about the content that moves across and along these pathways. It is about the language and nonverbal communication systems through which our neural representations are coded, ordered, and given meaning. These include: pictures, sounds, feelings, tastes, smells, and words.

• Programming is the way the content is directed, sequenced, and connected by each of us to produce the thinking patterns and behaviors that are our experience of life. Training in NLP provides the ability to discover, utilize, and change these programs to assist us to have new experiences in life that are more satisfying, fulfilling, and enjoyable.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming

• Think of it as being like a railroad system. • The Neuro part of NLP is like the tracks.• Linguistic is the engines and cars.• Programming is how the switches are set.• How the switches are set determines where the engines

and cars go. With the switches set a particular way, the train can only follow a particular path that is determined by how those switches are set.

• In this analogy, then, the objective of NLP is to assist you to change how your switches are set.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming • Neuro-Linguistic Programming was developed in the early-to-middle

1970's at the University of Santa Cruz by John Grinder and Richard Bandler.

• Like many others, they had observed that people with similar education, training, background, and years of experience were achieving widely varying results ranging from wonderful to mediocre.

• Bandler and Grinder were intrigued by these differences. They wanted to know how effective people perform and accomplish things. They were especially interested in the possibility of being able to duplicate the behavior, and therefore the competence, of these highly effective individuals. In short, they set out to "model" human excellence in such fields as education, business, and therapy. What emerged from their work came to be called Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

We use different parts of our brains for different tasks

We tend to look in the direction that our brains are working.

Watch someone while you’re talking to them; you can tell how they think

What do you think they are thinking?

NLP Thinking Map

Visually Creative Thinking

(Upper Right)

Remembering Something Visually

(Upper Left)

Words / Auditory Construction Thinking

(Center Right)

Remembering Words or Sounds

(Center Left)

Feeling / Sensing / Body Thinking (Lower Right)

Having an “Internal” Conversation with

Yourself (Lower Left)

NLP Thinking Map

Visually Creative Thinking

(Upper Right)

Remembering Something Visually

(Upper Left)

Words / Auditory Construction Thinking

(Center Right)

Remembering Words or Sounds

(Center Left)

Feeling / Sensing / Body Thinking (Lower Right)

Having an “Internal” Conversation with

Yourself (Lower Left)

If you asked someone to: Imagine a purple buffalo.Their eyes move up and to the right while thinking about the question.They "Visually Construct" a purple buffalo in their mind.

If you asked someone: What was the color of the first house you lived in?Their eyes move up and to the left while thinking about the question.They "Visually Remember" the color of their childhood home.

If you asked someone to: Try and create the highest sounding pitch possible in your head.Their eyes move to the right while thinking about the question.They "Auditorily Construct" a sound that they have never heard of.

If you asked someone to: Remember what your mother's voice sounds like.Their eyes move to the left while thinking about the question.They "Auditorily Remember” this sound.

If you asked someone: Can you remember the smell of a campfire?Their eyes move down and to the right while thinking about the question.They recalled a smell, feeling, or taste.

We look down and to the left when we’re talking to ourselves

COMMUNICATING APPRECIATION

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

~Albert Schweitzer

Appreciation is the one most potent, yet overlooked way to empower people

The beauty of appreciation is that we can give it to anyone we choose, and it costs nothing except few moments

Giving Sincere Praise & Recognition Worksheet

• Turn to pages 64-67 in Manual

ACTION PLAN

Thank You