Interpersonal Communication

Components

The transactional model of communication Gender issues in communication Response styles Non defensive communication Assertive communication Active Listening skills

By winfred Jones

Interpersonal Communication -

Organizations are made up of people from different

backgrounds, cultures, trainings, gender, behavior, personalities and perceptions who have to

work together to achieve a common organizational goal.

Inevitably these people have to communicate on a personal basis and share ideas, so as to move in

the same direction.

Why Interpersonal Communication Matters• Survival: Early humans, who lived in groups, rather than alone,

were more likely to survive, which meant that those with the capability to develop interpersonal bonds were more likely to pass these traits on to the next generation.

• A Measurable impact on psychological and physical health. People with higher levels of interpersonal communication skills are better able to adapt to; stress, have greater satisfaction in relationships and more friends, and have less depression and anxiety.

• Meeting Basic Needs: Interpersonal communication meets our basic needs as humans for security in our social bonds, health, and careers.

• Interpersonal communication is strategic: We intentionally create messages to achieve certain goals that help us function in society and our relationships.

• To achieve instrumental goals such as gaining compliance: i.e “get things done” in their relationships and in different aspects.

The Payoff• Relationship Building • Internal Structure -Pearson Education

notes managers can use Intranet gripe sites to field complaints from workers in an effort to learn about problems in the workplace.

• Customer Service• Management -Imprecise and rash

business communication frequently results in wasted time

• Sales • Training • Conflict Resolution - Interpersonal

communication is a key component of conflict management in organizations

1. Assertive communication2. Gender issues in communication3. Response styles4. Non defensive communication5. Active Listening skills

Interpersonal Communication Components

Gender is defined by FAO as ‘the relations between men and women, both perceptual and material. (FAO,1997). Despite this definition, gender is often misunderstood as being the promotion of women only. Gender issues focus on • women • the relationship between men and women, • their roles, access to and control over resources, • division of labour, • interests and needs.(Bravo-Baumann, 2000).

Part 1. Gender issues in communication

Gender and sex are often used interchangeably but,• Sex refers to the genetic and biological status of being male or female, • Gender refers to the psychological and social manifestations of being

male or female, i.e. the socially defined, learned, constructed accoutrements of sex, such as hairstyle, dress, nonverbal mannerisms, and interests (Lippa, 2002)

Gender issues• Males are said to establish a status hierarchy to compete, exert control

and maintain the upper hand (Eckes, 2000). • Females also establish hierarchies however these are based on friendship

rather than power and accomplishment (Robb, 2004). • Men and women approach conversation with a distinct set of rules and

interpretations of talk. Men focus on status and independence; women focus on intimacy and connection--a difference that makes communication between the sexes problematic. (Tannen, 2001).

Gender issues in communication.. ctd

• Women use superlatives, metaphors, and generalizations in their speech which men interpret literally causing miscommunication between the sexes. John . G (1992)

• Men are more direct and straightforward in their speech. However there is a difference in thinking, feeling, perception, reaction, response, love, need, and appreciation. As a result his book is often viewed as sexist by many feminists. , John . G (1992)

• Dr. Lillian Glass (1992) noted over 105 sex talk differences in her book. Her findings are similar to those of Coates where she noted that men disclosed less personal information and spoke more loudly than women do.

• She stated that men use the technique of loudness to emphasize points, while women use pitch and inflection for emphasis.

• Other findings were that men tended to interrupt more often than women do, make direct accusations and statements, and ask fewer questions.

Gender issues in communication.. ctd

Male-Female Communication CharacteristicsHere are some general variations in the way men and women communicate.

Gender issues in communication.. ctd

Men focus on power / rank / status. Women focus on relationships. Men talk to give information or report. Women talk to collect information or gain rapport. Men talk about things (business, sports, food). Women talk about people / relationships. Men focus on facts, reason and logic. Women focus on feelings, senses and meaning. Men thrive on competing and achieving. Women thrive on harmony and relating. Men "know" by analyzing and figuring out. Women "know" by intuiting. Men are more assertive. Women are more cooperative. Men tend to be focused, specific, logical. Women are holistic and organic. Men are at ease with order, rules and structure. Women with fluidity. Men immediately want to get working on a project. Women tend to ask lots of questions before beginning a project. Men want to think. Women want to feel

Strategies for Bridging the Gender Communication IssuesInformation issues . Through Good listening skills and understanding. Women must be sure men have adequate information

Managing metaphors. Women frequently use stories or illustrations about home or relationships. Men tend to rely on metaphors about sports or war.

Power struggles. Women tend to be more cooperative focusing on relationships. However men tend to be more assertive and focus on rank and status in an organization

Getting to the point. Women like to tell and hear stories, including methods of coping with distress and finding solutions. Men don't want the stories, they just want to get to the point.Facts & feelings. Women are generally more comfortable talking about their feelings. Men prefer to focus on the facts and skip the feelings

Gender issues in communication.. ctd

Interpersonal communication in organizations looks at five elements of listening; 1. hearing, 2. attending, 3. understanding, 4. responding, 5. and remembering.

Part 2. Interpersonal communication Response Styles

Ineffective listening is divided into 1. pseudo listening, 2. stage-hogging, 3. selective listening, 4. insulated listening, 5. defensive listening, 6. ambushing,7. and insensitive listening. Responding lets us know how well others are tuned in to what we are saying There are a number of response styles. 8. prompting, 9. questioning, 10. and paraphrasing.

Interpersonal communication Response Styles.. ctd

Interpersonal communication response styles within an organization forms :1. Supportive responses:- listener’s solidarity with the

speaker’s situation and they take the form of agreement2. Analyzing response:- one simply offers an interpretation of

the speaker's message. 3. Advising responses:- first impulse when listening to another

person’s problem. However, research has shown that this response is actually unhelpful more often than not.

4. Judging responses:- should only be used when there are two factors present: o The person with the problem has asked for an evaluation of the

problem; o the intent of your judgment is genuinely constructive and not intended

as a “put down” or discouragement. The people within an organization should resist judging responses.

Interpersonal communication Response Styles.. ctd

Non Defensive communication is being able to effectively communicate by learning to listen – that is, to concentrate fully on what the other person is saying and not our own emotional reaction – and learn to send appropriate messages that lessen the chance the other person will respond defensively.

Part 3. Non Defensive Communication

Some Triggers of defensiveness in interpersonal communication,

1. The Defensiveness Chain• We perceive a comment or suggestion someone makes as an attack. • We react defensively. • The other person perceives our defensive reaction as a threat. • That provokes more defensiveness. • Like a virus out of control, this coupling of perceived attack and defensive reaction

will replicate itself again and again, until it infects the entire organisation

2. Power struggleThe most pervasive and least-recognized addiction in the world. When there are conflicting views, we immediately have a negative reaction to the person who disagrees with us. We are likely to jump to the conclusion that the person is not intelligent, or intentionally mean, hurtful, destructive or rude.

Non Defensive Communication ..ctd

3. Nature of QuestionsSome question engages the person’s “limbic brain”, which is hard-wired for the defensive fight or flight response. • The way in which a question is asked (for instance, the tone of

voice, the choice of words) can instantly engage the “limbic brain”, completely skipping over the person’s “thinking brain”.

• Once the limbic alarm system is set off, it stays active for 20 minutes to an hour, further worsening the problem.

• This can very quickly destroy the effectiveness of a multi-party collaborative meeting with divorcing clients and the collaborative team.

Non Defensive Communication ..ctd

There are Five Skills of Non-Defensive Communication1. DisengageWhen we disengage we;• focus on the results we want while we cool down.• either physically remove ourselves from the situation or take an emotional

time out. Disengaging is not the same as withdrawal, which is in effect a power play that involves resisting the other person’s feelings2. Empathize“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Walk in another man’s moccasins”, “Step into her/his shoes”… to empathize is to put ourselves figuratively in the other person’s placeAs the book of Proverbs reminds us, “The soft answer turneth away wrath.”

Non defensive communication ..ctd

3. Inquire• When we inquire, we uncover the concerns of other person. • Asking questions allows us to focus on our tasks and not our disagreements. • It is important that the questions express our need for information without accusation. • Avoid questions that begin with “Why” for example. “why did you do it this way?” Will

most likely provoke a defensive reaction. • Instead try questions that being with “what” or “when” – or even the inclusive phrase “ 4. DiscloseAccording to the dictionary “to communicate” means to disclose to have an interchange, as of ideas or information. When we disclose, we reveal our feelings, needs and goals to the other person. A powerful, non-defensive way to do this is through “I statements”5. DepersonalizeBy evaluating behaviour and not the person, by looking at our work as something we do and not what we are, we can free ourselves and others from the need to respond defensivelyAn introductory clause such as “Isn’t it interesting that some people think….” Takes the conversation beyond the realm of the people involved and away from emotional trappings we… ?”

Non defensive communication ..ctd

Assertiveness – • a form of behavior characterized by • confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without

need of proof. • affirms a person’s rights or point without either aggressively

threatening the rights of another by assuming a position of dominance or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one’s rights or point of view.

(Dorland’s Medical Dictionary )Assertiveness is linked to self esteem. It is ones ability • to honestly express their opinions, feelings, attitudes, and

rights • without undue anxiety, • in a way that doesn’t infringe on the rights of other people.There is a difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Thus it is a middle ground between being a bully and a doormat.

Part 4. Assertive communication

• Communication where one uses straightforward and open expression of his or her needs, desires, thoughts and feelings.

• One advocates for their own needs while still considering and respecting the needs of others.

Lack of Assertiveness may lead to:– Depression– Resentment– Frustration – Temper/violence– Anxiety which leads to– Poor relationships of all kinds-– Physical complaints-– Parenting problems-

Assertive communication ctd..

Facts1. Perfect hearing does not directly translate to active

listening – Hearing is merely picking up sound vibrations.– Listening is making sense of what we hear.

2. We cannot listen because sometimes we are;– too busy talking, – preoccupied, or distracted– too tired or, unfortunately, too lazy to listen.

3. Listening is hard work and requires concentration. 4. Listening requires ;

– paying attention, – interpreting, – and remembering sound stimuli.

Part 5. Active Listening

1. Intensity - The active listener concentrates intensely on what the speaker is saying and tunes out the thousands of miscellaneous thoughts (about money, vacations, parties, friends, getting the car fixed, e.t.c) that create distractions. 2. Empathy - An active listener will put him/herself in the speaker's shoes.3. An active listener demonstrates acceptance. 4. Responsibility for completeness. The listener does whatever is necessary to get the full intended meaning from the speaker's communication.

Active Listening ..ctd

Behaviors that effective active listeners demonstrate;-

1. Making Eye Contact.2. Exhibit Affirmative Nods and Appropriate Facial Expressions. 3. Avoid Distracting Actions or Gestures4. Ask Questions.5. Paraphrase6. Avoid Interrupting the Speaker. 7. Don't Over-talk. 8. Make Smooth Transitions Between the Roles of Speaker

and Listener.

Active Listening ..ctd

Thank You!!