PA Stage 1 – The Ride…Q. Do we all have the same needs?

Q. What shapes our needs?

PA Stage 2 – ‘Right’ing and FightingQ. When did you enter this stage?

Q. How do you know?

But:Q. What direction are you facing?Q. Where have you come from?Q. What is driving you?

PA Stage 3 – Observing & Accepting

“Observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.”

-J. Krishnamurti

Q. What does it mean to observe without evaluating?

Q. How well do you observe without interpreting?

Observing Evaluations, Feelings & Needs

Please learn to OBSERVE and REFLECT without:

FixingControllingExplaining

Evaluation Feeling Need

Abandoned Terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad,frightened, lonely

Nurturing, connection, belonging,support, caring

Abused Angry, frustrated, frightened

Caring, nurturing, support, safety, consideration

(Un) accepted Scared, lonely, hurt, anxious

Inclusion, connection,community, belonging,contribution, respect

Unheard Sad, hostile, frustrated

Understanding, consideration,empathy

STOP! Shaming yourself for having NEEDS!

Q. What is a need that you have that you don’t let yourself have?

Q. Who told you it wasn’t ok to have that need?

PA Stage 4 – Living The Dance?

3 Suggested Strategies

1. Get/Give Empathy

2. Change Thinking (LW - Beliefs/Thoughts/Actions)

3. Change Actions (Say, Do)

“Our needs are never in conflict…just our clumsily chosen strategies.”

“When people think you're dying, they really,

really listen to you, instead of just..

...instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?”

– Fight Club

Strategy V’s Need

STRATAGYRequest of

others

Request of self

Something I do

Tool

Technique

Thoughts

Actions

NEED

Internal

What fills me

God given /

life shaped

Not to be

denied!

Q. What strategy do you use to meet the need you just talked about?

Need Strategy

Comfort Chocolate, Sex. Masturbation, Alcohol, Talking, Time with friends. Inviting the HS.

Clarity Reflect, Get counselling, talk to a friend.

Connection Computer games, hanging out, sports, good questions in conversation.

CONNECTION• acceptance• affection• belonging• companionship• mutuality• nurturing• to see and be seen

PHYSICAL • food• exercise• rest/sleep• sexual expression• safety• touch

HONESTY• authenticity• integrity

PLAY• joy• humour

PEACE• beauty• ease• harmony

AUTONOMY• choice• space

MEANINGcelebrationclaritycompetencecontributioncreativitygrowthhopelearningmourningto matter

I have a need for…

Engaged• Alert• Curious• Enchanted• Involved• Stimulated

Angry• Furious• Indignant• Irate• Outraged• Resentful

Tense• Anxious• Cranky• Edgy • Nervous

Afraid• Dread• Frightened• Panicked• Wary Vulnerable

• Fragile• Helpless• Leery• Shaky

Grateful• Moved• Thankful• Touched

Sad• Depressed• Despair• Gloomy• Heavy• Hopeless• Unhappy

I feel…

NVC DANCE FLOORmaking space for grace

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Jackal(Self Talk, Judgements, Interpretations.)

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Observation (Short, Clear, Simple description. The facts.)

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Feelings(In the body, heart & soul.)

AFRAIDANNOYEDANGRYAVERSIONCONFUSEDDISCONNECTEDDISQUIETEMBARRASSEDFATIGUEPAINSADTENSEVULNERABLEYEARNING

AFFECTIONATEENGAGEDHOPEFUL

CONFIDENTEXCITED

GRATEFULINSPIRED

JOYFULEXHILARATED

PEACEFULREFRESHED

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Needs(What fills & sustains.)

CONNECTION

PHYSICAL WELL-BEING

HONESTY

PLAY

PEACE

AUTONOMY

MEANING

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Request(Of myself first…clear, doable, present.)

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Dancing Graciously Towards

I am…

I won

der i

f yo

u ar

e…

1

2

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight