Jackal(Self Talk, Judgements, Interpretations.)

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Observation (Short, Clear, Simple description. The facts.)

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Feelings(In the body, heart & soul.)

AFRAIDANNOYEDANGRYAVERSIONCONFUSEDDISCONNECTEDDISQUIETEMBARRASSEDFATIGUEPAINSADTENSEVULNERABLEYEARNING

AFFECTIONATEENGAGEDHOPEFUL

CONFIDENTEXCITED

GRATEFULINSPIRED

JOYFULEXHILARATED

PEACEFULREFRESHED

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Needs(What fills & sustains.)

CONNECTION

PHYSICAL WELL-BEING

HONESTY

PLAY

PEACE

AUTONOMY

MEANING

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

Request(Of myself first…clear, doable, present.)

NVC by Marshal RosenbergPPT by NewInsight

You feel bad when your needs are not met.

• Larry Crabb – Understanding People – Deep Longings for Relationship.

• God – “It’s not good for man to be alone.”

• Marshall Rosenberg – “Everything we do is in service of our needs.”

Do your conversations count…?

Q. What is a need that brought you here?

Q. How are you feeling?

Please Pick:Not a close friend.Not somebody difficult.Anyone else.Someone just a little bit awkward feeling

The 5 Minute Talk LISTEN!

DO• Shut-up!

• Quieten your inner voice too!

• Feel how you're heart/spirit responds.

• Listen for feelings.

• Listen for needs.

DON’T• Fix• Explain• ‘Relate’

Feeling does not = Evaluation

Learn to OBSERVE and REFLECT without:

EvaluatingFixing

ControllingExplaining

Evaluation/Thought Feeling/Emotion

Abandoned Terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad,frightened, lonely

Abused Angry, frustrated, frightened

(Un) accepted Scared, lonely, hurt, anxious

Unheard Sad, hostile, frustrated

Why does it matter

?

Engaged• Alert• Curious• Enchanted• Involved• Stimulated

Angry• Furious• Indignant• Irate• Outraged• Resentful

Tense• Anxious• Cranky• Edgy • Nervous

Afraid• Dread• Frightened• Panicked• Wary Vulnerable

• Fragile• Helpless• Leery• Shaky

Grateful• Moved• Thankful• Touched

Sad• Depressed• Despair• Gloomy• Heavy• Hopeless• Unhappy

I feel…

Need does not = Stratagy

STRATAGYRequest of

others

Request of self

Something I do

Tool

Technique

Thoughts

Actions

NEED

Internal

What fills me

God given /

life shaped

Not to be

denied!

Q. What strategy do you use to meet the need you just talked about?

Need Strategy

Comfort Chocolate, Masturbation, Alcohol, Talking, Time with friends. Inviting the HS.

Clarity Reflect, Get counselling, talk to a friend.

Connection Computer games, hanging out, sports, good questions in conversation.

CONNECTION• acceptance• affection• belonging• companionship• mutuality• nurturing• to see and be seen

PHYSICAL • food• exercise• rest/sleep• sexual expression• safety• touch

HONESTY• authenticity• integrity

PLAY• joy• humour

PEACE• beauty• ease• harmony

AUTONOMY• choice• space

MEANINGcelebrationclaritycompetencecontributioncreativitygrowthhopelearningmourningto matter

I have a need for…

The 5 Minute Talk LISTEN!

DO• Shut-up!

• Quieten your inner voice too!

• Feel how you're heart/spirit responds.

• Listen for feelings.

• Listen for needs.

DON’T• Evaluate• Strategize/Fix

the BIG pictureEvaluation Feeling Need Strategy

Abandoned Terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad,frightened, lonely

Abused Caring, nurturing, support, safety, consideration

(Un) accepted Scared, lonely, hurt, anxious

Unheard Understanding, consideration,empathy

“When people think you're dying, they really,

really listen to you, instead of just..

...instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?”

– Fight Club