Foundations of Family

Where to begin?

Serious Cultural Crisis of our Time

• We are living in a period of cultural crisis.• Very foundations of contemporary society are being

threatened from within and without.• The family, as a basic and most sensitive institution

of culture, is being undermined by powerful and destructive forces.

• The crisis in general is deepening and the institution of the family is, in particular, weakening, even disintegrating in Europe and America.

How are our families doing

• Rate of Divorce is getting alarming

• Dysfunctional families are increasing

• Emotional sickness and depression is on the rise

• Children are the innocent victims

• Damage is not limited to young families

To understand this crisis and its solution

• We need to re-examine the foundations on which family life is built in the contemporary West

• We need to study foundations and structures in Islamic traditions.

• This will help contemporary man to identify the nature of the crisis that confronts him today

• It will also point to some of the possibilities that are still open to him

Islamic approach to life, religion and culture in general- 3 principles

• 1-Tawhid: The Oneness of God • Islam affirms the oneness of God and His

indivisible sovereignty of the Universe.• God is the Creator, the Master and the

Sustainer of all that exists.• Everything is operating according to His plan.

He has revealed, through His Prophets, the Right Path for the guidance of mankind.

Tauhid

• All Prophets have preached the same message-that of acceptance of God’s sovereignty. They invited men and women to a life of virtue, purity, justice and peace, and to act according to the guidance

• Man’s failure lies in not protecting and preserving the teachings of the earlier Prophets.

• As such, the Prophet Muhammad (peace is upon him) was raised to restate the original message, to present it in its perfect form and to preserve it in such a way that the word of God would no longer be confused with the word of man.

2-Man’s Vicegerency(Khilafa)

• Tawhid (Oneness of God) constitutes the ideological foundation of Islam

• Concept of man’s Khilafah (vicegerency/caliphate) provides the operational framework for the Islamic scheme of life.

• The story of Adam and Eve is found in almost all religious and major cultural traditions.

• The way the Qur’an narrates this event is crucial to the understanding of the Islamic world-view.

Concept of Khilafah

• Islam does not contribute to any theory of the ‘fall of Adam’ symbolizing the fall of man. There was no ‘fall’ at all in that sense.

• The role and status of vicegerency is conferred upon the human being as such, and it is shared by man and woman alike.

• Islam does not subscribe to the view that woman led man (Eve leading Adam) to sin and disobedience. According to the Qur’an “Satan caused them both to deflect there from”.

Vicegerency or Khilafah

• Human nature is pure and good. Man has been created in the best of all forms. [Q 95:4].

• Every one is born in a state of purity and innocence.

• Success or failure depends entirely on one’s own beliefs and behavior. [Q 95:5-6; 103:2-3]

• No one is to be responsible for the shortcomings of others. [Q 6:195]

Concept of Khilafah

• Man has been given freedom of choice. He is free to accept or deny Reality.

• This is what enables him to rise to the highest pinnacle or to fall into the deepest abyss.

• The dangers of misuse of freedom continue to confront man throughout his life on the earth.

• The challenge from Satan is unceasing.• To safeguard man against this, Divine Guidance

is provided.

Concept of Khilafah

• He may commit errors; his redemption lies in his realization of those errors, in seeking repentance and in turning back to the Right Path.

• Man has been created with a purpose.• Man’s life on earth is in the nature of a trial.• This life will be followed by an eternal life

wherein man shall reap the rewards of his actions in this life.

In this lifelong trial, men and women are equal participants

“م�ؤ�م�ن� و�ه�و� �ى �ث ن

� أ و�� أ �ر� ذ�ك م�ن� �ح�ا ص�ال ع�م�ل� م�ن�

م�ا ن� ح�س�� �أ ب ه�م� ج�ر�

� أ #ه�م� �ن �ج�ز�ي �ن و�ل �ة� *ب ط�ي �اة� ي ح� #ه� �ن �ي ي �ح� �ن ف�ل�ون� �ع�م�ل ي �وا �ان ك

And whosoever does a righteous deed, be they male or female, and is a believer, We shall assuredly give them a goodly life to live; and We shall certainly reward them according to the best of what they did.” [Nahl, 16:97]

3- Islam, a complete way of life

The teachings of Islam cover all fields of human activity, spiritual and material, individual and social, educational and cultural, economic and political, national and international.

• Every activity, whether related to things like prayer and fasting, or to economic transactions, sexual relationships, diplomatic dealings or scientific experimentations, is religious if it is undertaken with God-consciousness and accords with the values and principles revealed by Him; and it is irreligious if it is in opposition to them.

Sharia and Sunnah

• The Shari’ah is the Islamic code which guides life in its entirely.

• The example of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) (Sunnah) is the model which a Muslim tries to follow.

• In his example one can seek guidance in all aspects of human life, from the highly personal to the purely social – as a man, a son, a husband, a father, a preacher, a teacher, a trader, a statesman, a commander, a peace-negotiator, a judge or a head of the state.

Foundations of Muslim Family

• 1-Faith (Iman) and Taqwah as the Basis of Family/ Society

Other social groups and communities have been founded on race, blood, tribe, geography, etc.

In Islam all these differences have been subordinated to a new form of organization emanating from the faith.

The Islamic society and culture are ideological and universal in their origin and orientation.

Marriage is to be based on faith

• م�ن� ي�ر� خ� ن�ة� م ؤ�م� ة� و�ألم� ي ؤ�م�ن� ت�ى ح� ر�ك�ات� ال�م ش� وا ت�ن�ك�ح و�الن وا ي ؤ�م� ت�ى ح� ر�ك�ين� ال�م ش� وا ت ن�ك�ح و�ال ب�ت�ك م� ع�ج�

أ� ل�و� و� ر�ك�ة& م ش�إ�ل�ى ي�د�ع ون� ول�ئ�ك�

أ ب�ك م� ع�ج�أ� ل�و� و� ر�ك& م ش� م�ن� ي�ر� خ� م ؤ�م�ن� ل�ع�ب�د� و�

آي�ات�ه� ي ب�ي0ن و� ب�إ�ذ�ن�ه� ة� ر� غ�ف� ال�م� و� ن�ة� ال�ج� �ل�ى إ ي�د�ع و الل�ه و� الن�ار�ون� ي�ت�ذ�ك�ر م� ل�ع�ل�ه ل�لن�اس�

Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave

woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise. Baqarah,2:221

One must also look for righteous spouses with high morals

• �ات� *ب و�الط#ي �ات� �يث ب �خ� �ل ل �ون� �يث ب �خ� و�ال �ين� �يث ب �خ� �ل ل �ات� �يث ب �خ� الم�م#ا ء�ون� �ر# م�ب �ك� �ئ ول

� أ �ات� *ب �لط#ي ل �ون� *ب و�الط#ي �ين� *ب �لط#ي ل�ر�يم� ك ق� و�ر�ز� ة� م�غ�ف�ر� �ه�م� ل �ون� �ق�ول ي

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable. Noor, 24:26

The Ideal Spouse

Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet (pbuh) said: A woman is married for four things; her property, her accomplishments, her beauty, and her religion. Select one having religious temperament (Bukhari, Muslim)

Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said: When you are sought in marriage by one with whom you are pleased for his religion and for his character, get yourself married to him (Tirmidhi)

2-Divinely-Inspired InstitutionNisa, 4:1

• و�اح�د�ة� �ف�س� ن م�ن� �م� �ق�ك ل خ� #ذ�ي ال �م� #ك ب ر� #ق�وا ات #اس� الن Hه�ا ي� أ �ا ي

#ه� الل #ق�وا و�ات اء� �س� و�ن ا �ير� �ث ك ر�ج�اال �ه�م�ا م�ن �ث# و�ب و�ج�ه�ا ز� �ه�ا م�ن و�خ�ل�ق��ا ق�يب ر� �م� �ك �ي ع�ل �ان� ك #ه� الل �ن# إ ح�ام� و�األر� �ه� ب �ون� اء�ل �س� ت #ذ�ي ال

• O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence Allah, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for Allah ever watches over you.

Al Raad, 13:38

• و�اج�ا ز�� أ �ه�م� ل �ا �ن ع�ل و�ج� �ل�ك� ق�ب م�ن� س�ال ر� �ا �ن ل س� ر�

� أ �ق�د� و�ل#ه� الل �ذ�ن� �إ ب �ال إ �ة� �آي ب �ي� ت

� �أ ي �ن� أ س�ول� �ر� ل �ان� ك و�م�ا #ة� ي و�ذ�ر*�اب� �ت ك ج�ل�

� أ �ل* �ك ل We did send messengers before thee, and

appointed for them wives and children: and it was never the part of a messenger to bring a sign except as Allah permitted (or commanded). For each period is a Book (revealed).

Ahadith

• Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has said: “Marriage is a part of my Sunnah. Whoever runs away from my path is not from amongst us”. [Ibn Majah, Book of Marriage]

• Prophet once said to us, 'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.' “ (Bukhari)

3-The Social Contract -

• �ع�ض� ب �ل�ى إ �م� �ع�ض�ك ب ف�ض�ى� أ و�ق�د� �ه� خ�ذ�ون

� �أ ت �ف� �ي و�ك�يظ�ا غ�ل �اق�ا م�يث �م� �ك م�ن خ�ذ�ن�

� و�أ And how could ye take it when ye have gone

in unto each other, and they have Taken from you a solemn covenant? Nisa, 4:21

Implications of the contract

• It leads to a number of relationships • It engenders a set of mutual rights and

obligations. • It is not irrevocable. Divorce is permitted in

cases where marriage has failed. • Remarriage is allowed, even encouraged. • There is no stigma attached to remarriage or

to marrying a divorced woman or a widower.

Same Rights, Different Responsibilities

• There is a basic difference in the Islamic concept of equality of men and women as opposed to the Western concept. Islam gives them the same basic HUMAN RIGHTS, but not the same RESPONSIBILITIES. Islam assigns two different sets of responsibilities to men and women. The primary duty of men is to earn the livelihood of their families while the main task of women is to manage their homes.

And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. (Holy Quran – 2:228)

To men is allotted what they earn, and to women what they earn: But ask Allah of His bounty. For Allah hath full knowledge of all things. (Holy Quran – 4:32)

Summary of Spousal Responsibilities

Husband’sThe main duty of a husband is Qawam, which implies: Financial caretaker

Head of the family

(does not mean absolute authority)

Help with household duties

Raise righteous children, future leaders.

Wife’sThe main duty of a wife is being a shepherd of the house, which implies: Being a director and manager of the house

Raising righteous children, future leaders.

The ideal husband

Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet (pbuh) said: The most perfect of believers in the matter of faith, are those who behavior is best; and the best of you are those who behave best towards their wives. (Tirmidhi)

Aishah reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said: The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. (Ibn Majah, Tirmidhi)

Taking care of wife’s basic needs

• It is the duty of a husband to provide all the basic needs for his wife and children. If he fails to do so, he disobeys Allah. The wife is not required to be the earning member of a Muslim family although, she is allowed to work with her husbands permission.

• الل�ه ل� ف�ض� ا ب�م� اء� الن0س� ع�ل�ى و�ام ون� ق� ال ج� الر0م� ال�ه� و� م�

أ� م�ن� وا ق ن�ف�� أ ا ب�م� و� ب�ع�ض& ع�ل�ى م� ه ب�ع�ض�

الل�ه ظ� ف� ح� ا ب�م� ل�ل�غ�ي�ب� اف�ظ�ات� ح� ان�ت�ات� ق� ات ال�ح� الص� ف�• Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah

has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard Nisa,4:34

Benevolence towards wife

• It is impossible for a man to find a woman who is perfect in every aspect of her life. The Quran commands the husband to overlook her weaknesses and to treat her with kindness and compassion.

Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. (Holy Quran – 4:19)

Don't loathe your wife

�ع�ض�ل�وه�ن# ت و�ال ك�ر�ه�ا *س�اء� الن �وا �ر�ث ت ن�أ� ل�ك�م� Hح�ل� ي ال �وا آم�ن ال#ذ�ين� Hه�ا ي

أ� �ا يو�ع�اش�ر�وه�ن# �ة� *ن �ي م�ب ة� �ف�اح�ش� ب �ين� ت

�أ� ي أ�ن� �ال إ �م�وه�ن# �ت �ي آت م�ا �ع�ض� �ب ب �وا �ذ�ه�ب �ت لالل#ه� �ج�ع�ل� و�ي �ا �ئ ي ش� �ك�ر�ه�وا ت ن�

أ� ف�ع�س�ى �م�وه�ن# ك�ر�ه�ت �ن� ف�إ �ال�م�ع�ر�وف� ب�ير�ا ك�ث �ر�ا خ�ي ف�يه�

O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good..Nisa,4:19

Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet (pbuh) said: Let no man entertain any bitterness against a Muslim woman. Should he dislike one quality in her, he would find another which is pleasing to him. (Muslim)

Forgiveness of wife

O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Holy Quran – 64:14)

• In some cases the demands of wife and children may conflict with the commandments of Allah and it is in this context that the Quran calls them as enemies. But even in such cases the Quran commands to not only forgive such family members, but also cover their faults and weaknesses.

Equal rights for arbitration for women

ال و ف� ا Lع�ر�اض� إ و�أ� ا Lوز ن ش ب�ع�ل�ه�ا م�ن� ت� اف� خ� ة� أ� ام�ر� �ن� إ

و�الصQل�ح ا Lل�ح ص �ي�ن�ه م�ا ب ا ي ص�ل�ح� ن�أ� ع�ل�ي�ه�م�ا ن�اح� ج

ن وا ت ح�س� �ن� و�إ ح� Qالش س األن�ف ح�ض�ر�ت� و�أ ي�ر� خ�

ا Lير� ب خ� ت�ع�م�ل ون� �م�ا ب ك�ان� الل�ه� �ن� إ ف� وا و�ت�ت�ق If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part,

there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practice self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do. Nisa, 4:128

Reward for pleasing wife

Saad ibn Abi Waqqas related that the Prophet (pbuh) said:

Whatever you might spend seeking thereby the pleasure of Allah, will have its reward, even that (food)which you put in the mouth of your wife. (Bukhari, Muslim)

Spend here, Earn in the HereafterAbu Masud reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said: Whenever a Muslim spends something for his family for a reward from Allah, it is regarded as an act of charity on his part. (Bukhari, Muslim)

Saad ibn Abi Waqqas related that the Prophet (pbuh) said: Whatever you might spend seeking thereby the pleasure of Allah, will have its reward, even that which you put in the mouth of your wife. (Bukhari, Muslim)

• The above Hadith teach that men should treat their wives not only with kindness and compassion but also with generosity.

Man’s Greatest Treasure

• One of the best treasures of a believer is a virtuous wife according to some Hadith.

Ibn Abbas reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said: Shall I not inform you about the best treasure which a man should hoard? It is a virtuous wife who pleases him whenever he looks at her, and who obeys him when he orders her, and who guards herself when he is absent from her. (Abu Daud)

Thoban narrated that someone asked the Prophet (pbuh): What is the best thing that a man could acquire? He answered: The best thing is a tongue engaged in the remembrance (Zikr) of Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife who helps him in his faith. (Ahmed, Ibn Majah, Tirmidhi)

The Ideal WifeAbu Omamah related that the Prophet (pbuh) said: Next to fear of Allah, the believer finds nothing better than a virtuous wife. If he bids her, she obeys him; if he looks at her, she pleases him; if he takes a promise from her, she fulfills it; and if he is absent, she guards her conduct and his property. (Ibn Majah)

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) was asked: Who amongst women is the best? He replied: She who gives pleasure to her husband when he looks at her, obeys him when he bids her, and does not betray him regarding herself and his wealth fearing his displeasure. (Nasai)

Reward for pleasing one’s husband

Umme Salmah reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said: A wife who dies while her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise. (Tirmidhi)

Anas ibn Malik narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) said: When a woman offers her five daily prayers, fasts during Ramadhan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she may enter Paradise by whichever door she likes. (Abu Noaim in Hilya)

Family obligations of spouses• The cardinal responsibility of a husband and wife

towards each other and towards their children is to help one another in living a righteous life.

O ye who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones? (Holy Quran – 66:6)

Each one of you is like a shepherd and would be questioned about those given under his care. The leader is responsible for the community. The husband is responsible for his family and the wife is responsible for the husband’s home and children. (Bukhari, Muslim)

• Thus, marriage in Islam is not based just on physical attraction of two sexes or the material obligation of the spouses. It calls, rather for a total commitment of the spouses to share and meet the physical, material as well as the spiritual needs of the partner.

4- Serious effort for permanent and enduring relationship

• This relationship must not exist simply in the pursuit of momentary pleasure, ‘just to have a good time

• Both partners are expected to make a serious and sustained effort to live together for life.

• About one third of the ahkam (legal injunctions of the Qur’an) relate to the family and its proper regulation.

Balanced and extended relations for permanence

• A new balance has been established in the roles and relationships that exist between men and women, between young and old, between near-relatives and distant kith and kin, between freedom and discipline, between individual discretion and social control.

• The Muslim family is an extended family, different relations occupying different positions. It is not a nuclear, atomistic family.

• A careful look at the Islamic law of inheritance shows that all these relations are an integral part of the basic family structure

Relations with in-laws In Islam, a marriage essentially means the coming together of two

individuals, eventually leading to the coming together of two families or even tribes, followed by the expansion of mutual relationships, namely the respective "in-law" relationships.

And it is He, Who created man from water: then from him he caused two kinds of kindred, by blood and by marriage. (Holy Quran – 25:54)

When either one in the couple commits or even suggests disrespect and harassment towards his/her in-laws, it is the duty of the other to give sincere advice, to remind him/her of the last day and the consequences of these seemingly minor actions. This in fact is the sign of a healthy relationship.

"Allah enjoins justice, generosity and kind treatment with kindred." (Holy Quran – 16:90)

Relations with in-laws The in-law relations may not hold as much importance to a wife or

husband, but think about the fact that those very same in-laws will be the grand parents, uncles and aunts of your children, and their children in turn will be related to you.

Besides, if you truly love your spouse and are sincere, you will know exactly how to love all that belongs to your spouse and you will in turn sincerely love all that your spouse loves, in-laws inclusive.

The best example of this is the Prophet (pbuh) whose sincere love for his beloved wife Khadijah (RA) was proven by the fact that he would send a generous portion of the sacrifice to her family and friends, long after her demise, even though he was married to other women as well, whom he loved just as much.

The Golden Rule

Remember, we shouldn't forget a basic saying,

"Do unto others as you have them do unto you".

If you sincerely wish to witness your spouse's love and respect for your parents, then you need to be an example first.

Check to see how much of a loving and respectful relationship you have with your in-laws and you'll be able to answer a lot of questions that may have been puzzling you. Try it…

5-Preservation and Continuation of the Human Race

• The survival of the human race and culture, and continuity in the functioning of man’s Khilafah depends on the effective operations of the mechanism for procreation

• psychological and physiological differences between the sexes are complementary to each other.

• Man, woman and child are all in need of a permanent and lasting institution in order to fulfill this role. Family is that institution.

Desire for righteous children• Parents should always desire and pray to Allah

to grant them children who are virtuous, moral, upright and true Muslims. This was the prayer of Zachariah in return for which Allah granted him a son like Prophet Yahya (John)

Who will inherit me and inherit from the family of Jacob. And make him, my Lord, pleasing (to You). (Holy Quran – 19:6)

Moral Training – Quranic Glimpses• Following verses illustrate how the Prophets inculcated a fear of Allah in

their children and imparted moral education to them

And (mention, O Muhammad), when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him, “O my son, do not associate (anything with Allah). Indeed association (with Him) is great injustice”. (Holy Quran – 31:13)

O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. (Holy Quran – 31:17)

And do not turn your cheek (in contempt) towards people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self deluded and boastful. (Holy Quran – 31:18)

And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys. (Holy Quran – 31:19)

Moral Training – Glimpses from Hadith

Abdullah bin Abdul Asad relates, “When I was a child under the guardianship of the Prophet (pbuh), I used to run my hand inside the bowl when eating.” He said to me, “O boy, take the name of Allah, the Almighty and eat with your right hand, and from the stuff which is in front of you.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Abi Suraiyah Sabrah Ibn Ma’abad AL-Juhni relates that the Prophet (pbuh) said: When your children reach the age of seven years, teach them Salat and chastise them in respect of any fault in this behalf, when they are ten years old, and let them sleep in separate beds. (Abu Daud)

Moral training – The Domino Effect• A healthy and Islamic rearing translates into children remaining obedient

and God-fearing throughout their life thereby ensuring their true success.

And when (his son) was old enough to walk with him, (Abraham) said: O my dear son, I have seen in a dream that I must sacrifice thee. So look, what thinkest thou? He said: O my father! Do that which thou art commanded. Allah willing, thou shalt find me of the steadfast. (Holy Quran 37:102)

Or were ye present when death came to Jacob, when he said unto his sons: What will ye worship after me? They said: We shall worship thy God, the God of thy fathers, Abraham and Ishmael and Isaac, One God, and unto Him we have surrendered. (Holy Quran – 2:133)

6- Protection of Morals and chastity

• Islam forbids non-marital sex in all its forms.• It enjoins marriage to enable men and women

to fulfill their natural urges so that pleasure and responsibility go hand in hand.

• The Qur’an calls marriage a ‘castle’, i.e. (it is a protection) against immoral behavior.

Nisa,4:25

• ه�ن# ج�ور�� أ �وه�ن# و�آت �ه�ن# ه�ل

� أ �ذ�ن� �إ ب �ك�ح�وه�ن# ف�ان#خ�ذ�ات� م�ت و�ال اف�ح�ات� م�س� �ر� غ�ي �ات� م�ح�ص�ن وف� �م�ع�ر� �ال بخ�د�ان�

� أ• “So marry them with their guardian’s

permission and give them their marriage portions as wives, they being chaste, not committing fornication or having Illicit friendships”. [Nisa, 4:25]

Al-Maida, 5:5

• �اب� . �ت �ك ال �وا �وت أ #ذ�ين� ال م�ن� �ات� �م�ح�ص�ن و�ال �ات� �م�ؤ�م�ن ال م�ن� �ات� �م�ح�ص�ن و�الو�ال اف�ح�ين� م�س� �ر� غ�ي �ين� م�ح�ص�ن ه�ن# ج�ور�

� أ �م�وه�ن# �ت �ي آت �ذ�ا إ �م� �ك �ل ق�ب م�ن�ف�ي و�ه�و� �ه� ع�م�ل �ط� ح�ب ف�ق�د� �اإليم�ان� ب �ف�ر� �ك ي و�م�ن� خ�د�ان�

� أ #خ�ذ�ي م�تر�ين� �خ�اس� ال م�ن� ة� اآلخ�ر�

• (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who are loosers.

7-Psycho-Emotional Stability, Love and Kindness

• Family provides psychological, emotional and spiritual companionship.

• Marriage is a spiritual relationship and sustains and generates love, kindness, mercy, compassion, mutual confidence, self-sacrifice, solace and succor.

• With children in the family, the values of love and compassion, of sacrifice for others, of tolerance and kindness are translated into reality and implanted in character.

Surah Room, 30:21

• ا و�اج� ز�� أ �م� ك �ف�س� ن

� أ م�ن� �م� �ك ل ل�ق� خ� ن�� أ �ه� �ات آي و�م�ن�

ف�ي �ن# إ ح�م�ة� و�ر� م�و�د#ة� �م� �ك �ن �ي ب و�ج�ع�ل� �ه�ا �ي �ل إ �وا �ن ك �س� �ت لون� #ر� �ف�ك �ت ي � �ق�و�م ل �ات� آلي ذ�ل�ك�

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

Al Baqarah, 2:187

• �ه�ن# ل �اس� �ب ل �م� �ت ن� و�أ �م� �ك ل �اس� �ب ل ه�ن#

• They are garments for you and you are garments for them.” [Q 2:187]

• A garment is something nearest to the human body• Dress is something that covers the body and

protects it.• One feels incomplete without it• The dress beautifies the wearer• This relationship also protects the morals

8-Social and Economic Security

• Maintenance of the family is a legal duty of the husband, even if the wife is rich.

• Spending on the “relations of the womb” has been specifically enjoined

• The law of inheritance also reveals the nature of economic obligations within the family

• Someone once said to the Prophet, “I have property and my father is in need of it”. The Prophet (PBUH) replied, “You and your property belong to your father. Your children are among the finest things you acquire. Eat of what your children acquire”.

Economic security of extended family

• There are ahadith emphasizing the rights of aunts, uncles and other relatives

• Orphans in the family are to be absorbed and treated like one’s children.

• Other members are to be looked after and treated with honor, kindness and respect.

• These responsibilities extend to one’s grand-children and great-grandchildren.

• Even the needy relatives of any of the spouses have claims upon the well to-do members.

Emotional support and counseling

• Husband and wife provide emotional support to each other and counsel in case of personal and family disasters or setbacks.

• In extended family, there are relatives who provide emotional support and advice to face the life’s challenges.

9-Widening the Family Horizons and Producing Social Cohesion

• Marriage is also a means of widening the area of one’s relations .• Develop affinities between different groups of the various societies

– between families, tribes and nationalities. The Prophet (PBUH) has said:

• “Matrimonial alliances (between two families or tribes) increases friendship more than anything else”.

• Marriage acts as a bridge between different families, tribes and communities and has been instrumental in the absorption of diverse people into a wider affinity.

• In practice, marriage played this role in the early Islamic period as well as throughout Islamic history and in all parts of the world.

10-Motivation for Effort and Sacrifice

• Marriage increases one’s sense of responsibility and induces one to make greater efforts towards earning a living and improving one’s economic lot. This aspect is referred to by the Qur’an when it enjoins people to marry; it says:

• “Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous; if they are poor, God will enrich them out of His bounty; God is All-Embracing, All-Knowing”. [Q 24:32]

Conclusion Marriage and family are sacred and building blocks of any productive

society. Our marital relationship affects the lives of our children and relatives. Consideration of right criteria for choosing spouse and acquiring

premarital counseling leads to healthier matrimonial life Complaints only make lives difficult – understanding each others role helps.

Taqwa, mutual respect, accommodation, and patience are keys. Seek help of family, friend or a councilor for conflict resolution than

ruin your life. Be open but respectful when discuss your disagreements. Successful family life is a blessing – thank Allah and your spouse for

that.

For any further queries…..

DrYunus@Juno.com

These slides and more are available at www.slideshare.net/dryunus