Fighting Fair in Marriage

I Corinthians 13:4-8

Video

Love Your Partner

1 Corinthians 13:4–8 (NET) 4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.8 Love never ends.

Love is:

• Love is patient– Long suffering; the capacity to be

wronged and not to retaliate • Love is kind– Act kindly or merciful

Love is not (does not):• Love is not envious – (lit. to boil) to show strong resentment, to be

jealous; it is not envious of their possessions, talents or control of others.

• Love does not brag – praise oneself excessively, boast (Windbag – use of Intellectual pride in rhetoric)

• Love is not puffed up – inflated, conceited, arrogant, haughty; overestimation of self

• Love is not rude – to disgrace, embarrass, shame • Love is not self serving – not insistent on own way• Love is not easily angered – irritated, distressed• Love is not resentful – keep a mental record of wrongs• Love is not glad about injustice

Love does:• But, Love rejoices in the truth – not false gossip or

slander • Love bears all things – (lit. cover; used for a roof) puts

up with annoyance, difficulties• Love believes all things - all that it can with a good

conscience believe to the credit of another• Love hopes for all things• Love endures all things – remains steadfast in the face

of unpleasant circumstances; no personal retaliation• Love never ends – Eternal

Rules for fighting based on love

1. Be patient with your partner– Listen carefully before you answer, avoid thinking

about what you’re going to say, before hearing what he/she is saying.

– Don’t try to read his/her mind or interpret motives. Give him/her a chance to explain.

2. Be kind– It’s better to be kind than to be right. – Talk within the context of “feeling”, not “I’m

right”.

Rules for fighting (cont.)

3. Focus on the present issue– Do not bring up issues from the past

unless they are relevant to the present issue.

– Avoid generalization: Eliminate “you never…” or “you always…” from your vocabulary

– To bring up the past is to keep a list of previous wrongs

Rules for fighting (cont.)

4. Don’t be rude– Never belittle your partner with name calling

or put downs, especially in front of others– Ask yourself, “Am I tearing him/her down to

make myself look big” (note: arrogance, self-serving, etc.)

– Don’t talk down to your partner. Avoid parent to child statement, “You should…” or You shouldn’t …” Avoid “you” statements.

Rules for fighting (cont.)

5. Don’t let anger get control of your emotions.– It maybe best to admit your having problems with

your feelings and ask to take a break.– Try to have it resolved before bed (maybe not the

issue, but at least the anger).Proverbs 15:18 A quick-tempered person stirs up

dissension, but one who is slow to anger calms a quarrel.

Proverbs 29:11 A fool lets fly with all his temper, but a wise person keeps it back.

Rules for fighting (cont.)

6. Don’t argue to “win”! Discuss to “resolve”. If one of you is in it to win, you both loose. If you reach a resolution, you both win.

Rules for fighting (cont.)

7. Don’t lie. Rejoice in truth. Truth may hurt, but it’s better than walking in the darkness of lies.

Rules for fighting (cont.)

8. Don’t let the issue out from under your own roof, unless it’s with agreement of both persons and for the purpose of resolving the issue. Don’t make personality assassinations of your partner with friends (Find a referee, not a team).

Rules for fighting (cont.)

9. Don’t stop trusting in your partner.

Rules for fighting (cont.)

10. Don’t stop hoping the issue can be resolved.– Know the hot topics. There maybe some

areas that you can just accept disagreement and live with it.

– Be committed to your partner even if the issue cannot be resolved. Love endures all things. Your partner is more important than the issue.

Love Never Fails

Fail: This term had two relevant metaphorical usages:

(1) it was used of an actor being hissed off the stage and

(2) (2) it was used of a flower that dropped its petals because of inclement conditions (cf. James 1:11; I Pet. 1:24). God’s love never gives up!– Utley, R. J. D. (2002).

Love Never Fails

Though others may want to hiss you off stage,

God won’t.

Love Never Fails

Though inclement conditions may make it seem that you, like the damaged

flower will fall, God keeps you on the branch.

Love Never Fails

Don’t hiss your partner off stage!Don’t let the flower of your life fall!

Fight Fair!