Conquering Social Anxiety & Awkwardness

Aspie Series

Do these sound familiar?

“I haven’t talked to this person in forever, why is he messaging me!” “I haven’t talked to him since 4th grade, I just will not message him back, too

creepy and weird” “He was sooo random” “He is so creepy, ,he tried to talk to us” “I don’t even know that person…” “He’s not part of our circle, why is he

trying to talk to us” “Is this person trying to know me?” “Ew!” “Freak” “Loser” “He’s not cool “He has too many problems” “I don’t want to be friends with that person” “She’s the most hideous person I have ever seen” “Look at this text, it is soo weird” “Why are people posting pictures of dinosaurs, isnt that like 90s” “I do not like forced social interaction, I just want to associate with my best

buds”

How about these?

“He’s a nerd, he’s weird” “Does he notice me, is my hair just right?” “I want to talk to her, I’m not sure if she likes me or not” “I cannot talk to these people because if I do, people are going

to get suspicious” “I’m not into sports, I do not get why guys like it so much” “Why can’t people just do what I want and like what I want!” “Why is he talking to me, I do not even know him!” “I got a message from this dude introducing himself to me, I

think he may like me” “He looked at me for 1 second, I think he might like me. I better

notify the pastor” “Don’t try to be friends with people because it may come across

as flirting”

Even more…

“You are so weird…”“You have so many problems”“No one has to like you” “You will never amount to anything”“You cannot socialize, you are too impaired” “You are the scum of this place”“You are not welcome in our circle since people

can reject you if they want to…” “You are so awkward” “You’re not this enough” “You are so different”

Even More…

“Why don’t these people talk to me, I go to the same church as they do, they should want to know me”

“The pastor did not shake my hand, I am so offended” “These people are so cliquish, they should love everyone” “Everyone should like me, love me and respect me” “Everyone needs to be my friend” “I am so cool, people have to think I am awesome” “Me and my friends are cool, everyone else just sucks compared to us” “These people have a lot of problems, I am glad I am not like those

freaks” “My friends mean a lot to me, do not mess with our clique!” “There should be no cliques, everyone needs to love one another” “I don’t understand why certain people get liked by everyone in the

church and we do not get hardly any” “We’re the cool guys in the church. I am glad everyone likes us and not

those people” “I know this person and that person and I do not know many people

here”

Even More…

“He has too less money, he’s no good for me” “He gossips too much, cannot be around him” “I cannot talk to him anymore because he is too awkward” “He isn’t part of our group, so let us not talk to him” “He likes the Baltimore Orioles, I am from Boston so I cannot

be friends with him” “I do not know him so I will not attempt to know him” “She does not wear the same clothes as us, so let us not talk

to her” “She is such a drama queen, I do not like her!” “She is not a democrat, so stay away from her” “She’s crazy so stay away from her” “People can be so cruel, I rather not talk to them”

Last One, I promise

“I’m not into that…” “People are not going to understand this so you should not teach it” “You are not capable of getting past these issues” “You have this problems so we have to do this” “You will always have these problems” “Not everyone is like you, you are too different” “You do not need friends since you have problems” “You are trouble” “Well you did this x amount of time ago, you are crazy” “Stop trying to walk by faith, this is how you are, deal with it” “You like fashion like that don’t ya?” “You wear and like so many teams don’t ya?” “You got this problem don’t ya? “ “Why do you like red shirts, isnt that weird” “Why do you like comedies? You’re so weird”

What is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is a specific form of anxiety. It is an emotion characterized by a discomfort or a fear when a person is in a social interaction that involves a concern of being judged or evaluated by others

Social Awkwardness is feeling uneasy and difficult with others.

Typical Concerns

Ability to Socialize If these people like me How many likes and comments I get Ability to Fit In How People Act (Consistency) If people are going to judge me or not If people are going to like me or not If they can meet my love need or not

Typical Behavior

Role Playing with the people they like or wish to have in their life Excessive Attention on a particular person Trying to be like everyone else Trying to get everyone to like them, validate them Too much care about appearance, looks Excessive Meditation/Anger/Anxiety when it comes to what people

think Awkwardness around others. Tactless Communications. Too moved by people. Lack of trust since people move in many

different directions. Too High Expectations Difficulty Coping with Rejection Wanting people to like them, drawing attention. Drawing to Themselves Frequently

Asperger’s Characteristics

People with Aspergers tend to struggle with rejection and acceptance because of their social issues

They may feel like on a different planet so they may feel anxious about talking to others

They may not feel understood by others so they gravitate to themselves.

They may want to be loved by everyone in order to not be rejected or treated bad. They do not like the fact that not everyone will love them. They may expect people to follow the code.

Any Hope?

Only Christ can break a person from awkward and anxious cycles

In Christ one has security, purpose, validation, love and significance.

The key is to get people in Christ so they can thrive in Christ

Once people are rooted in Christ, they can walk in love with confidence in who their father is.

Knowing Your Daddy

When you fear God, you will not fear anything (Psalms 34:4)

When you know who you are, you can represent Christ.

People will not be such an idol since God will take care of your needs.

God does not want to worry, since he takes good care of us.

#1 Being Content in Christ

Stop focusing so much on what you do not have and focus on what you do have

Do not take rejection personally…we are not made for everyone

Do not be so concerned about what people think and how people treat you. Let God deal with them

People will not always follow a strait line so do not think they have changed on you if they have a bad day.

#2 Release Control

Stop Trying To Control Others (Stop trying to force people to love you)

Stop allowing People to Control You Stop trying to be everyones friend Prov 18:24Let Go of people you are wantingLet God give you the right peopleDo not fear, God is with you Do not be overly concerned with people. Release the idol of people to God. Focus on God, not people

#3 Be Empowered

Be a friend to others.Serve Others with Gods love “I can do all things through Christ” Phil

4:13 Hang around people that love you and

support you Be yourself regardless of the crowd’s

reaction

#4 Worship GOD, not People

Remember, people are not everything They will not fill the need to love you Jesus is the only perfect friend so worship and

serve him People will be people. They cannot be something

they are not. We are to submit to them in love, but we are not to bow to them.

God designed us for relationship, but only he can satisfy your needs.

Live not to get glory and honor from people, but from God.

#5 Be Comfortable with YOU

When you are comfortable with yourself and not worrying about how you look or your status, you can be comfortable around others

Regardless of how people see you or treat you, know who you are in Christ. This is a knowing, not a mental assent or a feeling or vibe.

Psalms 118:8 Put Confidence in God over Man Live to please God, not man Do not fear men, fear God and God will take

care of them

#6 Choose your circle wisely

Since you cannot change people and their perception of you, you can choose who you want in your life

Surround yourself with people that love you and care about you. Reject the people that do not want to be in your life

Love everyone, but be careful who you let in. Share your heart with people that will invest in it.

If people no longer want to be your friend, let them go and move on. Their time in your story is over.

If people reject you, it does not define who you are. So pay no attention to socially awkward/anxious remarks. We are just not meant to be for everyone.

#7 Love everyone else

Romans 15:7 “accept everyone”See other people in Gods eyes Be kind and friendly to others Minister love and grace to everyone Col

4:6

#8 Stand firm

Stand firm in the truth of Gods word Eph 3Resist any social awkwardness, sin, evil

from others by showing love to others and setting boundaries

Do not let anyone get you down. You do not need validation from them.

Conclusion

Represent Christ by being who he created you to be. Do not do anything to get attention or get people to like you. Be who you are and everything will fall into place.