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What women REALLY want to know about overcoming guilt related to returning to work after baby? Series 1
TONIA S. ROBINSON, MSC CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY
C.E.O. MOTIVATION ELITE INC. |ONLINE COACHING SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONAL WOMEN (RESILIENCE TRAINING, ASSERTIVENESS & STRESS MANAGEMENT) & 1 DAY STRESS MANAGEMENT WORKSHOPS FOR THE WORKPLACE.
Ice Breaker:
On a piece of paper write out one truth about yourself and one fantasy
Do not put your name
Fold the paper and place it in the bag
The facilitator will read the paper
Members to guess who it was
What Moms really what to know about overcoming the guilt of returning to work after baby? A Three Part Series
Series 1: MIND1. Am I alone/ weird in having guilt
about returning to work and leaving my baby with a stranger?
2. How to balance work/life?
3. Strategies to manage guilt related to day care?
4. How can I meet other women who work and balance these challenges?
5. How to handle baby separation anxiety?
6. What if I am depressed?
7. Bouncing back in my career
Series 2: BODY1. How to harness the zeal to
get back in shape?
2. My diet is horrible, how to I get in check, I care more about what my baby has to eat.
3. I feel very unattractive, what do I do to feel sexy again?
4. I love exercise, just cannot afford it and never have time, how do I create time?
Series 3: SPIRIT1. My mind is always all over,
how do I focus?
2. I am drained, how do I regain my energy?
3. I’m not religious but I just want to still my thoughts of worry and I heard mediation is great, can you recommend a great start to mediation?
Am I alone?
Attending the workshop and looking around the room answered this question
You are definitely not alone
What does the research say? A simple Google search for Mommy Guilt revealed over 523,000 search results
Guilt that prolongs can lead to feelings of hopelessness or helplessness.
9-16% women experience Post Partum Depression
Activity 1: The “thought test”
On a piece of paper (1) list your top 10 “Guilt thoughts related to leaving your baby at day care and returning to work”
(2) Rate out of how often per week you have each thought out of 7. Where 0 is not often at all and 7 every day of the week
(3) Rate how persistent the thoughts are 0- not at all persistent, 1 occurs once in a while, 2 occurs pretty regularly but I can control it, 3 thoughts persist and I am unable to control it
(4) Use the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy List to identify any of your “Unhelpful thinking habits
(5) What do you do to try to stop the thoughts?
Activity 1 Debrief
What did you learn about yourself/your thoughts from this activity?
Let’s review the ratings you gave yourself
Tips for addressing thoughts that are persistent
1. Create a command (HALT, QUIT, STOP) and stop the thoughts
2. Allow the thoughts to occur, whilst remaining very still for 10 minutes, do not judge yourself while these thoughts are occurring (mindfulness technique)
3. Write the thoughts out and contradict them (Use CBT Thought Record to help)
How to balance work/life?
Lose the guilt – children whose parent’s work turn out to be just as well adjusted as their peers. (Novetney, 2013) (Bulletin, 2010)
Create a flexible workplace
Plan in advance for baby (daycare costs, support systems within the family and at work too)
Get your children to sleep
Adjust your expectations
Take life in phases
Rely on your “A Team”
Be kind to yourself
Adopt a non cancellation policy to family events
Activity #2 : The Venn Diagram of Life
Draw a Venn Diagram like the one to the left.
In the exact middle write “me”
In the first circle write family, in the next workplace and finally community
List all your resources you currently possess in each respective circle that you can use to help you as you balance work/life
Debrief of Activity 2: Venn Diagram of Life
What did you like about this activity?
What resources have you identified you may need?
Do you feel more confident that you have the resources you need to create your own work/life balance?
Strategies to manage guilt
Discover the “core beliefs” that are driving your thoughts
Test these beliefs and thoughts with facts
Keep three (3) life changing journals
Join a support group/ Resource group
Use mindfulness techniques
Assess how badly the guilt was affecting your daily life functions…seek professional help if you are unable to complete your daily life functions, social or interpersonal relations (psychometric assessments will help guide)
Assess how your current coping strategies are helping you
Activity 3: The “Guilt Trip is Over”
This activity will help you discover the true origination of your guilt…
1. Identify your reoccurring negative thoughts about leaving your child in daycare
2. Ask yourself, what are these thoughts reminding me of or who am I comparing myself to with these thoughts
3. Rate how much you believe these thoughts to be true
4. Develop a more realistic alternative thought
5. Rate how much you believe your alternative thought to be true
6. Decide you can end the guilt trip with baby steps
7. After this activity, on your own, repeat this activity until you do not need to
Activity 3 Debrief: “Guilt trip is over”
What did you discover during that activity?
Were you willing to challenge your thoughts? What thoughts occurred when you were challenging them?
Are you willing to keep using this technique?
Did you find the activity challenging?
How can I meet other women like me?
Start with your close family and friends
Then Google local business like Mommy Connections Midtown Toronto
If you are a self starter create a Face Book Group and see who joins then connect via phone or Skype and eventually meet in person
Visit the Library to ask if any groups like that exists in your community
2-3 Women who are willing to help themselves and support one another is a great start
Baby Mom Separation Anxiety tips:
Consult with someone trained in conducting and interpreting psychometric assessments to test your level of anxiety
Know that separation anxiety happens in phases it won’t happen forever
After the first 6 months your baby starts to engage the world around them more actively
Create a predictable structure for you and your baby
Practice- leaving your child with a relative
Consistency- keep the group of people who look after your baby a regular group
Create a “Good bye ritual”- avoid sneaking off on your baby
Follow through- return when promised
What if I am depressed?
Complete the Depression Rating
How has “YOUR” normal changed and how has these changes affected your daily life functioning?
Please visit your Regular Doctor and share how you are feeling, getting assessed as soon as possible is step one toward feeling better and knowing what you can do
Depression does not have to stop you, it may temporarily slow you down
You are not alone and there is no shame in getting help
Activity 4: A Postpartum Depression Checklist
Feeling restless or irritable
Feeling sad, depressed, or crying a lot
Having no energy
Having headaches, chest pains, heart palpitations (the heart being fast and feeling like it is skipping beats), numbness, or hyperventilation (fast and shallow breathing)
Not being able to sleep, being very tired, or both
Not being able to eat and weight loss
Overeating and weight gain
Trouble focusing, remembering, or making decisions
Being overly worried about the baby
Not having any interest in the baby
Feeling worthless and guilty
Having no interest or getting no pleasure from activities like sex and socializing
Thoughts of harming your baby or yourself
Activity 4: Debrief DSM V
Did the symptoms you checked occur during your pregnancy and 4 weeks following your delivery?
Visit your Doctor
Request a referral to a Psychiatrist/Psychologist
If your Doctor suggests it is not depression, decide if Resilience Coaching is an option to help you thorough this time
Bouncing Back in my Career
“Before my kids, I used to be a real go getter…now I can’t seem to find myself…” Let’s remember, you are still you. Start right there.
Consider hiring a Motivation Elite Inc. Online Resilience Coach and sign up for our 8 session program
Give yourself 4 months- 1 year to recuperate physically and psychologically
Create a flexible work space with your boss, try to negotiate a 4 day week
If you are an entrepreneur creating structure is absolutely necessary for you and baby(ies).
Review your goals and resources available
Ask for help
Activity 5: “Brand New Me”
Me Before Baby… Me Now… Me where I’ll be in a little while…
Debrief Activity 5: “Brand New Me”
What did you discover was the constant in “me before, me now and me in a little while?”
What makes you happy in “me now”
What are the baby steps you are taking to get to “me in a little while” with regard to your spiritual, emotional, social, vocational, financial, career, educational goals?
Conclusion to Series 1:
What women really want to know about overcoming the guilt about returning to work after baby? Series 1 discussed aspects of the MIND~ perspective.
1. Am I alone/ weird in having guilt about returning to work and leaving my baby with a stranger?
2. How to balance work/life?
3. Strategies to manage guilt related to day care?
4. How can I meet other women who work and balance these challenges?
5. How to handle baby separation anxiety?
6. What if I am depressed?
7. Bouncing back in my career
Follow Up Info:
What was most valuable to you in this presentation?
Did you find investing in our “Resilience Training” a viable option for you? Contact Tonia S. Robinson directly at any of the following for more info:
1. Email: [email protected]/[email protected]
2. Phone: 845-823-9885
3. Website: www.motivationelitecoaching.com
4. Book this workshop for your employees/Women’s Group at a reasonable cost.
Resources:
Novotney, Amy. "Balancing Kids and Career." Http://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/10/balancing-kids.aspx. APA, 1 Oct. 2013. Web. 4 May 2015.
"Separation Anxiety Disorder in Babies." Separation Anxiety Disorder in Babies. Ed. NCT UK. NCT, 2 Mar. 2010. Web. 8 May 2015.
Gov, Women's Health. "Pregnancy." Recovering from Birth. Women's Health. Gov, 3 Mar. 2010. Web. 8 May 2015.
Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5. (5th ed.). (2013). Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association.
Davis, M., Eshelman, E. & Mc Kay, M. (2008). The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook: Sixth Edition. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
SPECIAL THANKS!!
All the attendees of my Freebie Workshop “Helping Mom’s lessen the guilt of returning to work after baby.”
Catherine Tyrrell, Program Director, Mommy Connections Midtown for organizing this workshop
Ashley Adler, Owner of GymKats for hosting us
Tonia S. Robinson, MSc Clinical Psychology
C.E.O. Motivation Elite Inc. Online Coaching Services for Professional Women
www.motivationelitecoaching.com
