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The Dynamics of Unconscious Communication: Projection, Projective Identification, and Re-Traumatization

James Tobin, Ph.D.

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I: Unresolved Relational Injury An obstruction to psychological,

emotional, and relational growth

Example: Twin daughters Kim and Julie. Constitutionally, Julie is more talented and receives the attention of her parents; Kim senses this, and is injured.

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II: Pathological Resolution of the Injury

In Kim’s unconscious mind, a narrative is created in an attempt to integrate the injury -- much like white blood cells organize around a virus.

The narrative rigidifies around an unrealistic belief system about oneself and others (i.e., I am not good enough to be loved; I do not deserve; my mother did not love me; etc.)

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II: Pathological Resolution of the Injury

The key aspect of this psychic resolution of the injury is that what is factual/real vs. imagined about the relational injury is NOT clarified.

This lack of clarification prevents healing of the injury and reinforces the unrealistic belief system.

Psychotherapy is largely about promoting this clarification (years/decades after the injury).

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III: Personality Organization

As Kim moves through early development and into pre-adolescence, her personality is organized around adapting to the unresolved relational injury and preventing further injury of the same type.

Example: over-achievement; under-achievement; avoidance of expressing needs; passivity/withdrawal. 

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IV: Obstructed Development By adolescence and into young

adulthood, the personality organization and its adaptive aims work -- more or less.

Kim, for example, manages to over-achieve and gets attention for her grades/sports/looks/charm ... her relational injury is concealed.

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IV: Obstructed Development Yet, age-appropriate developmental

evolution in certain areas of emotional and relational competence is suspended: Kim does not empathize with others and is unable to self-reflect – she is dependent on others’ views and responses to her, not her own.  

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V: “Aura”

Scientists now have evidence that all that has been described thus far alters brain structure, function, and even the physicality of the body.

Despite Kim’s personality organization and the relief from injury she has been able to achieve, her brain’s message to others (aura) will gradually over-ride her personality: more and more Julies will emerge in Kim’s life, and Kim’s unresolved relational injury will be re-activated.

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V: “Aura”

This raises the complex issue of fate/destiny (not a spiritual issues, but an INTERPERSONAL NEUROBIOLOGICAL one).

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VI: Dating/Courtship

The unresolved relational injury is activated through re-traumatization:

Occurs by:

(1) psychic motivation to re-create then attempt to heal the prior injury;(2) the repetition of the old injury via others responding to aura.

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VI: Projection:Types A and B Projection for Re-Traumatization (TYPE A)

Example: Kim feels as if she does not deserve Bill, his love, and his attention. At first, he does. This is overwhelming for Kim, and unfamiliar. She may gradually or suddenly do any number of things to begin to set up the familiar – to coerce Bill to re-traumatize her, i.e., think about another woman.

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Projection for Re-Traumatization (TYPE A)

Example: Bill eventually finds himself not noticing Kim (“identification with the projection” or INDUCTION) and/or going as far as having an affair, etc. Kim then protests in an attempt to “correct” and/or punish Bill and ultimately heal her prior injury – proving to herself, Bill and all other perpetrators in her life that she (Kim) is worthy and finally wins/defeats all of the Julies in her life.

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Projection for Re-Traumatization (TYPE A)

This healing rarely happens because Bill does not typically recover his pre-projection feelings for Kim; also, punishing him does not alleviate all of the pain accumulated throughout her life.

For Kim, she ultimately ends up being further re-traumatized, the opposite of healing.

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Projection for Psychological Defense & Communication (TYPE B)

A person projects elements of their pathological belief system INTO others (this is a more consistent and chronic form of projection as opposed to Type A).

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Projection for Psychological Defense & Communication (TYPE B)

Example: Kim complains to Bill that she is feeling pressured by him, and that she wants more time with her girlfriends, work, her own down-time, etc. Bill is startled, and quite upset (INDUCTION) since Kim wanted more time and attention initially, and he obliged, sacrificing some of his own activities. Now, she seems to want the opposite. He complies with her request, but begins to feel devalued and not important enough to Kim.

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VII: The Intimacy Required of Relationship

Commitment, intimacy, mutuality, partnership: advanced skills that always activate old injuries and challenges areas of development that were obstructed.

This means that in all relationships, Type A and B Projections are always occurring, in one form or another, in an attempt to resolve prior injuries or transfer feelings (and belief systems) associated with the prior injuries onto another.

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Type A and B Usually End in Break-Up

a) Recognize when you are being projected upon (or projecting) ….. sudden change of your partner’s behavior, you acting in a generally different manner or in a way you have worked hard to overcome.

b) Recognize that the occurrence of (a) above means that the relationship is becoming more intimate and awakening old injuries and limited capacities. Not “this person is wrong for me” (INDUCTION), but “this person is entering a period of growth potential that will require my diligent work and attention – and this would be required in any relationship.”

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What To Do

c) Not respond to the projection or, in other words, avoid getting INDUCED …. TYPE A: hurting your partner (identification with the projection), or TYPE B: feeling upset and obliging (taking it personally).

d) Seeing what the projective content is and using it for empathy and understanding (Kim is communicating something significant to Bill – she has never been #1 and she has suffered from being unrecognized by others). DIFFICULT!!!!

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What To Do

e) Doing (d) above usually requires a period of tolerating projections and not responding to them, then, gradually, beginning to respond to them: “You seem to see me as xyz” .... this is reflection without agreement ; you do NOT GET INDUCED and you are patient and loving.

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What To Do

f) After tolerance, more and more boundary-setting is employed to demonstrate strength, fortitude, and differentiation from the other’s projections.

Example: “I am wondering why you see me in this way,” “I’ve been wondering if you are getting me to feel how you feel or felt in the past,” “Is what you’re doing helpful in our relationship?,” “I feel like you are trying to work something out with me from your past,” etc.) 

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What to Do TYPE B Projections Are Commonplace e.g., You are ignored by Susan at a party – goal

of projection is to conceal Susan’s interest in you and communicate her view of you as ignoring her.

e.g., Brian becomes passive/withdrawn when Susan makes a comment about how he parents his son – goal of projection is to guilt Susan for the comment, make her feel bad as Brian does, and induce Susan to come forward to him.

e.g., Your boss doesn’t email you back—goal of projection is …..

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James Tobin, Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist PSY 22074 220 Newport Center Drive, Suite 1 Newport Beach, CA 92660 949-338-4388

Email: jt@jamestobinphd.com Website: www.jamestobinphd.com