Listening

the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to a spoken and/ or non-verbal message

By Dr. Glen Christie Spiritual Inspiration Center

Christ’s Church

The Process of Listening

Hearing vs.

Do you think there is a difference between hearing and listening?

Hearing is simply the act of perceiving sound by the ear. If you are not hearing-impaired, hearing simply happens.

Hearing vs.

Listening, however, is something you consciouslychoose to do. Listening requires concentration so that your brain processes meaning from words and sentences.

Listening leads to learning.

Types of Listening

Appreciative Listening- listening for pleasure and enjoyment, as when we listen to music, to a comedy routine, or to an entertaining speech

- describes how well speakers choose and use words, use humor, ask questions. tell stories, and argue persuasively

Empathetic Listening- listening to provide emotional support for the speaker, as when a psychiatrist listens to a patient or when we lend a sympathetic ear to a friend

- focuses on understanding and identifying with a person’s situation, feelings, or motives

Empathetic Listening

- there is an attempt to understand what the other person is feeling

- listener does not necessarily agree or feel the same way with the speaker instead understand the type and intensity of feelings the speaker is experiencing without judgment

Comprehensive/Active Listening

- listening to understand the message of a speaker, as when we attend a classroom lecture or listen to directions for finding a friend’s house

Comprehensive/Active Listening

- focuses on accurately understanding the meaning of the speaker’s words while simultaneously interpreting non-verbal cues such as facial expressions, gestures, posture, and vocal quality

Reasons for Active

Avoid saying the wrong thing

Dissipates strong feelings

Helps other to accept feelings

Generates a feeling of caring

Encourages others to start listening back

Increase confidence in the other

Makes other feel important & recognized

Roadblocks to Active

Warning

Judging

Labeling

Threatening

Demanding

Giving solutions

Criticizing

Name-calling

Directing

Lecturing

Ordering

Preaching

Ridiculing

Blaming

Scolding

Analyzing

Critical/ Analytical

- focuses on evaluating whether a

message is logical and reasonable

Critical/ Analytical Listening

asks you to make judgments based on your evaluation of the speaker’s arguments

challenges the speaker’s message by evaluating its accuracy and meaningfulness, and utility

uses critical thinking skills

8 Commandments of Effective Listening Stop talking! Consciously focus your attention on the

speaker.

Put the speaker at ease: Relax, smile, look at the speaker and help that person feel free to talk. Look and act interested.

Remove distractions: turn off the TV; close the door; stop what you are doing, and pay attention.

Listen for what is not said. Ask questions to clarify the meaning of words and the feelings involved, or ask the speaker to enlarge on the statement.

8 Commandments of Effective Listening Be aware of "tune out" words. Avoid arguing mentally.

Listen to understand, not to oppose.

Be patient. Don't interrupt the speaker.

Hold your temper! Try to keep your own emotions from interfering with your listening efficiency.

Empathize with the speaker. Try to "walk in the other's moccasins" so you can feel what that person is feeling and understand the point of view the speaker is trying to convey.

8 Commandments of Effective Listening Find areas of interest.

The Poor Listener: Tunes out dry topics.The Good Listener: Seizes opportunities: "What's in it for me?"

Judge content, not delivery.The Poor Listener: Tunes out if delivery is poor.The Good Listener: Judges content, skips over delivery errors.

Hold your fire.The Poor Listener: Tends to enter into argument.The Good Listener: Doesn't judge until comprehension is complete.

8 Commandments of Effective Listening Listen for ideas.

The Poor Listener: Listens for facts.The Good Listener: Listens for central theme.

Be a flexible note taker.The Poor Listener: Is busy with form, misses content.The Good Listener: Adjusts to topic and organizational pattern.

8 Commandments of Effective Listening Resist distractions.

The Poor Listener: Is distracted easily.The Good Listener: Fights or avoids distractions; tolerates bad habits in others; knows how to concentrate.

Keep your mind open.The Poor Listener: Reacts to emotional words.The Good Listener: Interprets emotional words; does not get hung up on them.

Thought is faster than speech; use it.The Poor Listener: Tends to daydream with slow speakers.The Good Listener: Challenges, anticipates, mentally summarizes, weights the evidence, listens between the lines to tone and voice.

In Summary Listen to how something is said

Be alert for what is left unsaid

You can't hear if YOU do all the talking- Don't talk too much

Listen with empathy - See the situation from speaker’s point of view -Try to put yourself in speaker’s shoes

Do not prepare what you are going to say in

response while the other person is speaking

Helpful Listening

In Summary Be courteous-don't interrupt

Take notes if you worry about forgetting a particular point

Avoid stereotyping individuals by making assumptions about what you expect them to say-avoid your biases when you listen

Listen carefully so that you will be able to understand, comprehend & evaluate what is said

Use conscious effort-try to be aware of verbal & nonverbal messages

Helpful Listening

In Summary

Pick a quiet location

Ask not to be disturbed

Put the telephone on voicemail

Remove distractions

Create a comfortable atmosphere e.g. lighting, temperature, etc.

Physical Set up for Effective Listening

In Summary

Don’t prejudge

Clear mind of other things

Don’t formulate response while speaker is talking

Listen for both content & context

If not mentally ready to listen-reschedule conversation if possible

Mental Set up for Effective Listening

In Summary Danger of misunderstanding the client’s

nonverbal behavior as well as spoken words due to cultural differences or the client’s state of disorganization.

Imperative for the counselor not to assume that they understand what the client means by his spoken word or non-verbal behavior and vice versa.

It is best to clarify and make sure.

Warnings

In Summary It is important for you to understand the meaning a

person assigns to an event or an emotion. These can be seen as any of the following:

A Challenge – to be overcome

A Loss – making change difficult or impossible

A Gain – a sign that one is working to maximum ability

A Punishment – penance for not doing something right (or for doing something wrong) in the past

A Reality – to be assessed and dealt with so that it can be reduced to an acceptable level

Assigning “Meaning”