Budgeting for Two Households

Budgeting for Two Households

The Mindful Divorce Support Group

Alexandra Baron, Esq. | 949-514-8600themindfuldivorceoc.com

Disclaimer

• I am not a therapist. This support group is not intended to be therapy. It is simply a forum to meet with other similarly situated individuals.

AGENDA

• Introductions• Introduction to Positive Psychology and Mindfulness• Mindfulness Meditation (10 minutes)• Positive Psychology Exercise (15 minutes)• Family Law Topic: Budgeting for Two Households• Budgeting Exercise (10 minutes)

• Questions

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY

• Introduced by Dr. Martin Seligman in 1998 in his APA Presidential Address to the American Psychological Association• Evidence based research on cultivating happiness, strengths, self-esteem,

and optimism.• Contrasts with traditional psychology that focuses on pathology—

alleviating neurosis, anxiety, and depression—Positive Psychology focuses on cultivating happiness, strengths, self-esteem, and optimism.• “There are moments–maybe ongoing periods of time–when you are aligned

with your strengths, immersed in the actions that bring you fulfillment. The goal should not be to change you, but to help you more consistently become the person you already are at your best."

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY RESULTS

• Evidence has shown:• Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough publish "Counting Blessings Versus

Burdens" showing that a consistent practice of gratitude increases wellbeing.

• "Does happiness lead to success?" study shows broad range of benefits, from physiological health to financial and career success and greater social engagement.

• Barbara Fredrickson publishes her 3:1 positivity ratio finding in Positivity.• Maintaining a 3:1 positivity ratio of positive thoughts to negative emotions creates a

tipping point between languishing and flourishing.

TOPICS IN POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY

• Altruism, Gratitude and Forgiveness• Optimism and Hope• Wisdom and Courage• Meaning making and Benefit Finding• Resilience and Hardiness• Character Strengths• Mindfulness, Flow and Spirituality

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY RESOURCES

• Notable books: • Authentic Happiness by Dr. Martin Seligman• Flourish by Dr. Martin Seligman• The How of Happiness by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky• Uncovering Happiness by Dr. Elisha Goldstein• Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben-

Shahar• The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor

• Notable Magazines• Live Happy

MINDFULNESS

• For several thousand years in the Buddhist tradition, mindfulness has been known as the seventh element of the Noble Eightfold Path to liberation and enlightenment. • Mindfulness allows one to release any attachment to automatic

thoughts and negative patterns that sabotage happiness. • In 1998, there were zero studies on funded by the National Institutes

of Health, however by 2008 there were 44 studies in progress. • Mindfulness successfully combats the symptoms of stress by rewiring

the brain.

MINDFULNESS MEDITATION

• Please follow the instructions of the guided meditation• Duration: 10 Minutes• Benefits:• Even thirty minutes a day may improve attention and focus of people with

heavy time demands• After 40 minutes of meditation a day for between two to fifteen years the

regions associated with attention and sensory processing were thicker in meditation participants than controls.• Long term meditators were shown to have an outstanding ability to regulate emotion

and allow for well adjusted responses to whatever life throws

Positive Psychology Exercise

Expressive Writing: Writing about a traumatic experience for 15 minutes over the course of three to four days has been shown to emotional and physical health benefits.Studied by: James W. Pennebaker• Warning: The immediate impact is usually a short-term increase in

distress, negative mood and physical symptoms, and a decrease in positive mood, however, longer term benefits include:• Fewer stress-related visits to the doctor, improved immune system

functioning, Improved mood/affect, feeling of greater psychological well-being, reduced depressive symptoms, fewer post-traumatic intrusion and avoidance symptoms

EXPRESSIVE WRITING INSTRUCTIONS• Duration: 15 minutes – For greater benefit do this again for the next

2-3 days.• Instructions: Write your very deepest thoughts and feelings about the

most traumatic experience of your entire life or an extremely important emotional issue that has affected you and your life.• Once you begin writing, write continuously. Don’t worry about

spelling or grammar. If you run out of things to write about, just repeat what you have already written.• No feedback will be given on the writing, the writing is completely

confidential.

BUDGETING FOR TWO HOUSEHOLDS

• Priming Question: How will my spending need to change if a one household income will need to be utilized for two households?

• What is Priming?Priming is an implicit memory effect in which exposure to one stimulus influences a response to another stimulus.

• Example: Students in one study were read a list of words that described old age. After being read this list, they walked more slowly down the hallway.


Common Question: Aren’t I entitled to maintain the Marital Standard of Living?• Family Law Principle: Marital Standard of Living (“MSOL”)• “The court may order a party to pay for the support of the other

party an amount, for a period of time, that the court determines is just and reasonable, based on the standard of living established during the marriage…” Cal. Fam. Code 4330(a).

• The problem: The marital standard of living cannot be maintained when there are two households utilizing the same income that was used to maintain a single household

MARITAL STANDARD OF LIVING

• Generally, the income from the past three to five years is used determine the marital standard of living

• Will not consider lifestyles funded by debt to be maintainable

BUDGETING EXERCISE

• Duration: 10 Minutes• Instructions: Please read over the hypos. Once you have read the

hypo calculate the amount each household will have once the expenses have been deducted.• Income and Expense Form: • Filled out under penalty of perjury

• Therefore, during trial attorneys may use this use to attack your credibility if !• Judge will print out all and note any discrepancies


Expectation: Maintaining the same lifestyle one did during the marriage

Reality: Expenses are doubled – rent, food, utilities etc thus the marital lifestyle cannot be maintained.

THE “HOW-TO” OF BUDGETING

1. Download the past three months of bank statements and a prepare a budget based off those expenses2. While creating the budget, flag and note any expenses that were “want” not necessary purchases3. Create a second budget, review purchases that you flagged and determine whether it is something you can or can’t live without them.-Everyone has different priorities a MUST for one person might not be so for another4. Make sure the cash flow coming in covers the amount expended

BUDGETING TIPS

• Tip # 1. Follow local news on Twitter – they will• Tip # 2. Groupon and Living Social are great for local savings on everything from dinner to

family photos! • Tip # 3. Love the arts? Don’t fear check out goldstar.com for great deals on the performing arts.• Tip # 4. Seek out coupon blogs!

• http://fabulesslyfrugal.com/• http://thekrazycouponlady.com

• Tip # 5. Gilt.com, Haute Look, Rue La La and Like Twice all have designer fashions for incredible prices!

• Tip #6. Handy.com and homejoy.com are great if you need cost effective extra hand to help with cleaning.

• Tip #7. Wyzant is a great place to find a tutor, they many tutors to chose from with a range of hourly rates!

Questions

• Please let me know if you have any further questions on this or another family law topic!

• E-mail address: [email protected]